


Burn Out

by 0GVButterworth0, Miraal



Category: Bandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Age of Consent, Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - High School, Drug Use, Drugs, Friends to Lovers, Infidelity, M/M, Niall-centric, Prostitution, Sexual Identity, Versatile Niall, mild mention of incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-03-17 17:41:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 312,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13664028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0GVButterworth0/pseuds/0GVButterworth0, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miraal/pseuds/Miraal
Summary: Niall Horan funds his sister's healthcare two different ways: His favorite is by selling weed with his best friend, Zayn. The more lucrative, however, is occupying the bed of multi-millionaire Ray Styles.When Ray's son, Harry, becomes one of Niall's customers, passions flare, old heartbreaks reawaken, lovers are reunited, and new bonds are forged.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note on the style:
> 
> This was written "RP" style with my friend, Miraal, so you will notice it is unlike the other writings of either of us. 
> 
> This fic is completed and it will be only a matter of proofing and posting all chapters. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading.

In a dirty alleyway in the questionable part of town were a group of teenage boys, haggling over the price of a small bag of green.

 

"We don't have all day," Zayn said impatiently to the group of three disgruntled young boys who comprised their newest customers. "If you don't have the money, then get lost and stop wasting our time."

 

"Look," Niall insisted, finding that his blonde hair and blue eyes painted him into the role of the 'good cop' while Zayn's dark, exotic features pigeon holed him as the bad one. "You ever tried this shit? This is a pure strain; everything Nick is selling you is skunk. You don't believe me, we'll buy it back."

 

"We can get it cheaper everywhere else!" Jake, or so he told them his name was, said, scrunching his large, thick eyebrows. Zayn scowled a bit; he did not have the patience for this group of toddlers who'd only yet dipped their big toes into puberty. He was about to walk, but his best friend and business partner was inclined to try again:

 

"Zayn grows his own shit,” Niall said. “Everything else you get is second-hand, dried up, probably been mashed up in some junkie's sweaty, ball-stenched hip pocket, ok? We cut this ten fucking minutes before we got here. It's expensive because it's good."

 

The three boys huddled together and began arguing a bit. Zayn rolled his eyes and used the opportunity to shoot Niall a look. Niall returned it with a shrug that advised patience. Finally, Jake grudgingly reached into his pocket and retrieved a few battered bills, handing them over with obvious reluctance.

 

"See, that wasn't so hard," Zayn said and quickly snatched the money before Jake could change his mind. He counted it and nodded toward Niall.

 

Niall handed over the weed with a handsome, accommodating smile. "Awesome! You're gonna love it! Call us when you need more, yeah?"

 

He didn’t get open agreement, but the young men did manage to give them a neighborly nod before they scurried off down the alleyway to the chain link fence that defended the street. He watched them go, and then turned back to his partner. "We really need to work on our patter."

 

"They were annoying," Zayn said, extracting a pack of cigarettes from the inside of his jacket. "I hate middle schoolers." He extended the carton to his friend, who took one and waited for Zayn to light it up, leaning in.

 

"Doesn't matter. If we get them younger, we get them longer. Your bud is looking fucking beautiful, by the way."

 

"Thanks, babes," Zayn said with an appreciative smile as he lit his own cigarette. They smoked in content silence for a few moments. "Are you going to visit Amy today?" Zayn asked.

 

Niall swallowed down some smoke and gave a regretful belch. "I will... I mean, it’s hard to go..." He tried again with the cigarette and was successful. "Anyway, you know how it is. Don’t need to go over it again."

 

Zayn's eyes softened sympathetically and reached out, patting Niall's shoulder. "She needs you to visit her, babe."

 

Niall nodded. "I'm gonna go. I have to work tonight -- it's always nice to see her before that."

 

Zayn turned sharply to look at Niall. "It's Friday," he said, slowly, measured. "Why the fuck are you working on Friday? Wasn't it just on Wednesdays?"

 

"Called me a few hours ago; apparently his kid out partying and he wants to blow off steam," Niall shrugged. "Shit, Zayn, you know I need the money," he said guiltily, knowing of his friend’s displeasure.

 

"I know," Zayn said quickly, feeling guilty that Niall was feeling guilty. "I'm not judging you, fuck, but that guy is a major creep. I mean, his kid is probably your age.” Zayn sighed and took a huge suck off his cigarette, holding in the smoke for as long as he could before blowing it out.

 

"He doesn't hurt me," Niall reminded him as they started walking back into the light of the street. "It's not weird for repressed middle-aged men to like to fuck pretty boy twinks." Niall hated the word 'twink', but it was good marketing.

 

Zayn winced. "Still, he's a creep," he muttered, narrow-eyed. The cars zipped by them, kicking up dust and gutter sludge. "Is your...is she back?" he asked cautiously. He knew Niall's dysfunctional mother had pulled yet another one of her disappearing acts and she'd been away for a few days now.

 

"No, thank God. And when she does, I'm staying at yours. I still think she fractured a bone or something last time; my arm hasn't stopped hurting," Niall groused, tenderly poking at his right forearm.

 

Zayn reached out to give it a gentle pat, which Niall winced through, knowing it was intended in good spirit. "That woman should be in a mental institution," Zayn said with a shake of his head but then added, "Nevermind. You and Amy would be torn apart by the foster care system if that happened."

 

Niall sighed heavily. "I don't know..." he muttered softly. "You going to school tomorrow?"

 

"My father has been on my back lately about my grades and absences," Zayn said stretching his arms a bit. "I'll probably skip the first few classes." He shrugged and looked at Niall, "You?"

 

Niall nodded. "Yeah. Sounds good. I'll need to sleep in anyway."

 

Zayn of course knew that Niall's reason for skipping morning classes wasn't because he had serious problems waking up in the morning like Zayn. He swallowed a bit. His phone began vibrating in his pocket. "Oh fuck," he said once he saw the caller ID. "I forgot I promised to meet my father for prayer at the mosque."

 

"Oh... Ok. I have to go see Amy anyway... Gimme my cut?" Niall asked, extending a hand. His share was limited to a finder’s fee, but he understood because Zayn did the hard work of growing everything -- and he did it well.

 

Zayn quickly counted out the money and handed it to Niall. "Maybe I'll stop by at the hospital if you're still there," Zayn said. "That is, if my father doesn't give me a fucking endless lecture on how I need to get my shit together because I need to be a doctor." 

 

"You could be a medical marijuana doctor," Niall smirked and Zayn laughed.

 

"He'd die of a heart-attack. Come on."

 

Zayn slung an arm around Niall's shoulder and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Maybe you can stop by for dinner before work? My mother told me to invite you and Waliyah insisted on it. I am a bit worried that she has a major crush on you."

 

"She's hot," Niall grinned, and just to piss Zayn off, added, "I'm totally DTF."

 

Zayn's mouth fell open and he pinched Niall hard in the side. "I'd cut off your balls, Horan," Zayn said, half-serious. 

 

Niall let out a gargly squeak and laughed at him. "I wouldn't," he chortled. "You know I wouldn't... ... ... Your _mom_ , on the other hand--"

 

"NIALL!" Zayn was laughing too and he locked Niall's head under his arm, giving him a heated noogie.

 

Niall screamed and laughed, but it was totally worth it. He managed to wriggle free and give Zayn a few buffets before skipping ahead. "C'mon, race you to the subway!"

 

Zayn grinned and raced after Niall, but per usual, Niall was a lot faster than him; really, Zayn got out of breath just by climbing a few stairs. "Unfair," he said once they'd reached the subway, wheezing a bit for air. "You had a head start."

 

Niall clung to the railing on the platform and leaned forward, into Zayn's space. "I'd beat ‘cha anyway," he said, dropping a smeck on Zayn's cheek.

 

"Ew!" Zayn exclaimed playfully and wiped his cheek, gaining attention from a few passers-by but he barely noticed them. He poked Niall in the stomach and raced down the stairs.

 

Niall knew his friend was kidding, but it did sting a little bit all the same. He hid it well, though, plunging after his friend into the smelly black.

 

~*~

 

Niall always tidied himself as best he could before going to the hospital. He knew the doctors had questions about his lifestyle and the last thing he wanted was someone saying something to Amy. He slipped into the sterile white of the hospital, checked in, and then walked the well-worn path to his sister's room. He took a moment to brace himself in case she looked worse before he opened the door.

 

Amy was thin and pale with a fragile body, eaten away by constant illness. She was sitting in the hospital bed. It had been a good day today; the best of the past week. Even though she was still hooked up to machines and tubes which were helping her eat and breathe, she could at least enjoy a good book, which what she was in the middle of when Niall slipped inside.

 

He smiled when he saw her. "You’re sitting up!" he chirped, further cheered upon seeing the color in her cheeks and the clarity of her eyes. "You look good, princess!"

 

Her whole face brightened upon seeing Niall. "Hi!" She squealed and put down the book, holding her arms apart for a hug. 

 

Niall held her wizened frame as dearly as he could and kissed her hair. "Whatcha reading?" he asked.

 

Amy absorbed the warmth and the familiar smell of her brother. "Oh, I'm just rereading To Kill a Mockingbird," Amy said with a wide smile. It was her favorite book and sometimes she wished Niall was as into reading as she was so they could talk about it. 

 

"You'll have to tell me about it. Hey! I got you this from work!" He pulled a stuffed tiger from his backpack and handed it to her. He’d gotten it at the gas station on the corner. So, Niall had lied to her a little bit. Instead of confessing how his money actually came in, he told her the loveliest lie he could think of was that he worked at the zoo and on occasion, they let him feed the animals. He made up stories of the happiest otters and lions and cave bats he could think of – the free internet at the library helped a lot.

 

"Thank you!" Amy grinned happily and squeezed the tiger. "I can't wait till I'm allowed to leave so I can take advantage of free tickets to the zoo!" She beamed at him. "I would have some perks being your lil sis, right?"

 

"Yep!" Niall said, returning her smile, not at all regretting that if she ever came out of this alive he would have to confess everything to her. "They might even let you ride a camel!"

 

Amy laughed. "That'd be awesome," she said, smiling sweetly. "How are the Maliks doing?" 

 

"Good. I had dinner with them tonight. They all send their love and miss you. How have your doctors been? Nice?"

 

"Yeah, they're all sweet," Amy said with a nod. "Elisa is especially delightful; she loves reading as well, so she comes and discuss books with me whenever she's got the time." 

 

Niall smiled at her and kissed her hand. "Can I bring you anything? Is there anything you need?"

 

Amy shook her head, "I've got everything I need," she said, "I'm just so glad you're here."

 

"Good..." He pet her fingers softly. "Has mom... come by?"

 

Amy's face dropped for a moment, but she quickly plastered a brave smile on her lips. "No, I haven't since her since...y'know," Amy licked her lips and looked down. She was referring to a little over a week back when their mother had visited, completely manic, demanding that her daughter be unplugged from those awful machines so she could take her to the amusement park; she'd completely lost touch with reality.

 

Niall nodded. There had been a discussion with the staff about a restraining order, but that raised a whole slew of legal questions Niall felt utterly incapable of answering. "Ok.... if she comes by, have one of the staff call me first, ok? Don't let them call the police." The last thing he wanted was child services to descend on them.

 

Amy nodded in understanding. She twisted her fingers in the sheet. "She's...Niall she needs help," Amy said softly. "This...this isn't who she really is. You know everything went downhill after Dad left her."

 

"I know. There's not a lot I can do, though, Amy... You know that," Niall said, feeling crushing guilt weigh on his chest that he wasn't enough to set things right. He never felt more useless and unmanly than when Amy said things like that.

 

"I know, you're doing everything that you can and more," Amy said quickly, reaching for Niall's hand and clutching it tight. Her eyes were wide, she didn't want Niall to feel guilty. He was working his ass off because her stupid body wouldn't function properly. "You're just..you're just a kid," she muttered.

 

"So're you," he smiled at her, feeling that same rage well up at him at whatever unfairness it was that gave his sister these difficulties. "I'm getting a little extra money this week. Can I bring you some books? A movie?"

 

Amy's eyes brightened. "Yeah! I'm done with the second book in the Maze Runner trilogy! The third is out and I'd love if you could get it for me!" she said excitedly.

 

"Absolutely! And maybe I could bring you some real food, if you think you can ... y'know..." he didn't want to say 'keep it down' out loud.

 

Amy understood him. "It has been a lot better today so chances are that I'll be able to eat it," Amy said positively, even though she knew her stupid body was as unpredictable as it could get. "Maybe you can bring me some of that Kebab Pizza Zayn brought me last weekend? It was so good!"

 

"Anything you want, sweetheart," he said, kissing the crown of her head. "Tell me about your book." He settled in next to her, just enjoying the time he got to spend with her.

 

~*~

 

Niall approached the mansion, feeling small and threatened as usual. As Ray commanded, he went around to the servant's entrance and slunk in there, before making his way up the impressive stair cases to the master bedroom.

 

Ray was sitting impatiently on his large bed, just covering his watch with his sleeve as if he had been checking it repeatedly. He was anxious and in no mood to hide it. Tonight, he wouldn't have to rush it as they've done so many times before. His wife had left the house years ago and when his son partied, he stayed out late.

 

"Hi, Mr. Styles," Niall said softly as he slipped into the room. "Sorry I'm late, my sister gets carried away when she's talking about books..."

 

Ray looked up at the boy standing nervously on the door and could already feel all the repressed urges crawling onto the surface. "No problem, Niall," he said. "Come here.” He patted the spot next to him; loving how Niall obediently dropped his belongings on the floor and did as he was told, keeping his eyes locked straight ahead at the wall.

 

"You smell so sweet," Ray hummed and softly traced a hand through Niall's hair; the act could almost be mistaken for a caring, fatherly gesture if it wasn't for the look in Ray's eyes. 

 

"I had a shower," Niall said, feeling stupid. It had been a cold one since the gas has been turned off at his house. However, after tonight's paycheck, he could turn it back on.

 

"Cleaned out well?" He asked, his large, calloused hand stroking up Niall's thigh.

 

Niall blushed hard. "Yeah, I'm clean."

 

Ray smiled. So sweet, so innocent, so much his. "Good boy," he said with a hum. His hand travelled further up Niall's thigh, spreading them and fondling between them.

 

Niall obediently spread his legs. There was a mirror across from them and Niall couldn't look at it. He closed his eyes, because dropping them to his lap wasn't going to be helpful, either.

 

Ray continued to fondle Niall between his legs, his nose nudging the back of Niall's ear, breathing him in. He made a quick work of Niall's belt and pulled the zipper down, slipping his hand inside his jeans. "You aren't wearing underwear, just like I told you," Ray said, breath getting a bit heavier, arousal burning inside of him from touching Niall's pretty cock. "My good little boy."

 

Being a young, healthy boy in his teens, Niall couldn't stop himself from responding to being touched. It wasn't all unsexy. Sometimes if he closed his eyes and imagined someone, well, young and handsome, he could get through it. On occasion, although he'd never admit it, Zayn came to mind, since he was, perhaps, the handsomest person Niall knew.

 

Ray smiled when he felt Niall grow in his hand and it wasn't long before he began to grow a bit impatient. He urged Niall to lift his hips so he could slide the jeans over his bum and completely off. He quickly helped the boy out of his shirt until he was left completely bare and so fucking beautiful. "Open your eyes and look how beautiful you are, baby boy," Ray ordered, grabbing Niall's chin and urging him to face the mirror so he could see what Ray saw.

 

Niall made himself open his eyes and look in the mirror. In truth, all he saw was a whore at work. He wasn't particularly fond of his frame, either -- he was pale and skinny, soft in the wrong places. Still, he smiled for his boss and said softly, "Want to watch me suck your cock?"

 

Ray ran a finger along Niall's pale, pink lips, remembering how they'd looked stretched around his cock, he nodded. "I know you can use that pretty mouth so well." He pulled Niall down between his legs.

 

Niall made hurried work of the man's pants and was relieved to see he was already hard -- it made his job easier. He took it into his mouth and the feel of it was familiar -- Ray Styles was big, the head particularly bulbous, but he'd learned how to take it pretty far into his mouth. Still, it triggered his gag reflex.

 

Ray groaned as he felt that precious mouth close around his dick. He ran a hand through Niall's bleached hair, muttering soft praises at his sinfully skilled mouth, though the soft caress of Niall's hair quickly became rough as the wet gag made Ray take a handful and push himself further down Niall's throat. He loved fucking Niall's throat raw.

 

Niall just fisted his hands in the coverlet and tried to relax. He really couldn't, for the life of him, imagine anyone doing this for free -- much less so for pleasure. Giving head was a painful, humiliating ordeal that had him praying for a quick release. Tears sprang to his eyes as he concentrated in not biting down in frustration.

 

Ray didn't stop the relentless grip neither the relentless thrusting down Niall's throat nor the rough fisting of the boy's hair. He could feel himself quickly building up to release and it was a miracle, how fast this beautiful boy could make him come; his wife had stopped wanting to go down on him years ago. He finally reached his release and with a deep, guttural moan he emptied down Niall's throat.

 

Niall struggled to swallow, but a lot of it spilled over his chin and cheeks. When he was finally released, he wiped his face, both of come and tears. God, he hated that.

 

To Ray, it was a beautiful sight; Niall's face splattered with his seed. "You have to learn to swallow all of it," Ray tutted disapprovingly and scooped some of it up with his thumb, sticking it in Niall's mouth for him to suck.

 

Niall almost jerked away, but he forced himself to stay and suck on his thumb. "Sorry," he said softly, when Ray took his hand away.

 

"That's alright, you'll have time to learn," Ray said and he easily grabbed Niall and arranged him him on his stomach on the bed, tucking his knee up and exposing him. Rays' mouth nearly watered when he saw that slutty, little hole, tight and pink and inviting.

 

Niall's heart was pounding a bit. As much as he hated giving head, this could really hurt. In the shower, he'd tried to finger himself open a bit so perhaps he wouldn't be as sore as he usually was in the morning. He collected a pillow up against his chest and hugged it tightly. "You aren't... ready, are you?" He knew Ray was hot for him, but the man had just had a ball-emptying orgasm in his mouth.

 

"No, but I'll play with your sweet little hole until I am," Ray said as he spread Niall's thigh wide open. He took a handful of Niall's little, firm ass and fondled it in his big hand. He lifted his hand and gave Niall's ass a hard smack.

 

Niall let out a squeak, then looked back over his shoulder to see if he was going to get another one -- it looked like his poor bottom would be sore come morning, one way or another. He winced. He didn't know whether or not he could stomach telling Zayn he'd gotten a spanking -- that might be a detail he would keep to himself.

 

Ray watched his hand printed bright red against Niall's delicious skin and he gave him another smack and another and another, more and more blood pooling to his crotch for every sound that fell from Niall's lips.

 

Niall started to tingle and, much to his embarrassment, his cock swelled to firmness. He couldn't help it. A warm breeze up his pant leg would give him a hard-on sometimes and such stimulation on his sensitive rump was confusingly setting him off.

 

"You like that? Hmm? You like being spanked?" Ray asked as he gave the other cheek the same treatment, his own dick filling slowly against his stomach.

 

"Yes," Niall confessed, having to bury his face in the pillow in embarrassment.

 

Ray let out a small guttural growl. He took his dick in his hand and stroked it to full hardness. He reached for the lube and coated his thick, long fingers. He circled a finger around the rim of Niall's entrance before pushing it inside the tight muscles, "You haven't been playing with yourself, have you?" he asked gruffly, leaned over Niall's tiny frame

 

Niall gasped a bit -- penetration was always startling to him. "Um -- yes," he said, hoping it wouldn't get him in trouble.

 

That earned Niall a sharp smack on his flushed ass that knocked a surprised cry out of him. "From now on you aren't to touch yourself before coming here," Ray said. "Understand?"

 

"I just... I get sore," Niall said weakly, trying to defend himself.

 

"That's good," Ray hummed, wriggling the finger inside of Niall, "then you have a reminder of this."

 

Niall thought the money served as reminder enough, but he wasn't going to say that out loud. "You fuck me so hard," Niall tried one last time, choking quietly when Ray pushed another finger inside him.

 

"You don't like getting your little, slutty hole fucked hard?" Ray asked, stuffing another third finger along the other two and impatiently twisting them just to get Niall a bit more open for his cock.

 

Niall moaned hard into the pillow and, instinctively, his hips pumped slowly into the mattress. "Fuck... Yes," he gasped, because he was supposed to.

 

"Oh, I'm going to fuck you so hard tonight," Ray promised as he pulled his fingers out of Niall. He rolled a condom onto his throbbing monster-cock and leaned over Niall, rubbing his cock between his arse cheeks. "How much have you missed my cock," he asked, licking Niall's earlobe.

 

"A lot," Niall panted, struggling with the dirty talk -- but he knew how much Styles liked it, so he did his best to keep up.

 

Ray was pleased for now and without further ado he began pushing into Niall's tight hole, grunting as he struggled to fit the head through the tight muscles.

 

Niall let out an elongated, pained gasp. "Oh, God, it got bigger!" he choked. His best dirty talk usually stemmed from genuine surprise.

 

Ray groaned as he finally got all the way in, his ball-sack hitting Niall's trembling ass. "Your hole feel so good around me, baby boy," he panted, stroking all over Niall's lithe body, grabbing his hips and lifting them a little off the bed. "You've missed Daddy's big cock in your slutty little hole, haven't you?"

 

"Yes," Niall panted, trembling at the stretch, feeling filled up to his belly button. "Oh, God," he whimpered. "Fuck me--!"

 

"Beg for it," Ray growled, fingers digging into Niall's thin hips, "Say Daddy please."

 

Niall was gasping into the pillows, whining softly. "Please," he whimpered. "Daddy, please fuck me--"

 

Ray groaned deep in his belly and began moving into Niall, slowly building up to a hard, deep, fast pace, slamming relentlessly into Niall's willing body. His fingers were clutching the sensitive skin on Niall's hips, doubtlessly leaving marks as he held him up so he could thrust better into him.

 

Ray did tend to fuck him a little too hard and Niall didn't refrain from letting out the whimpers and yelps it prompted from him. He could feel his hole trembling around the enormous dick inside him and he willed himself to relax so he wouldn't be as sore. Even after several months, he hadn't adjusted to Ray's big cock.

 

Ray relished in the whimpers and yelps from Niall's body, loved how he writhed and trembled underneath, absolutely loved how he could do him anyway he wanted and this boy would just take it. "You're a little slut, aren't you?" Ray panted, sweat beading along his receding hairline and down his back. "You're Daddy's little slut, yeah?"

 

"Yes," Niall mewled. "I'm Daddy's little slut!” Ray was drilling him into the mattress and he couldn't get his knees under himself. There was no give under Ray's long thrusts and all he could do was moan, feeling the man's heavy ball sack slapping against his cheeks.

 

Ray loved Niall like this; he was glorious, weight on his shoulders, ass in the air. Ray punched in and out of his little tight arsehole faster and deeper, feeling his orgasm building up at the tight grip Niall had around him. He grunted and panted, fisting Niall's hair with one hand and keeping his hip up with another. 

 

Niall's cock was hard. As rough as the stimulation was, his body loved the sex, loved the rough treatment. Ray clearly wasn't doing this for his pleasure, or intending him to come, so he left it alone, willing to go home and take care of it himself after Ray had paid him.

 

Ray was close now, panting harshly, his pace wavering slightly, hips moving more erratically. He felt the heat coil in his belly and he pulled out of Niall. He quickly shed off the condom and stroked himself to completion, painting Niall's arse and lower back in thick, sticky come.

 

Niall let out a deep groan and only then started breathing properly. He felt the man's come cooling on his buttcheeks and hoped he could at least wipe them clean in the bathroom before he left. Tentatively, he got his knees under him.

 

Ray had to give himself a moment to catch his breath and once he had, the first thing he did was to check his watch. Harry could be home any minute now, "Hurry, get your clothes on," he said as he got to his feet. "You know your way out."

 

Niall hurried into the bathroom, as best he could, and cleaned himself up, as best he could. Neither were very good. He was awfully sore and he felt like he needed a few moments to recuperate, but more than that he wanted to get home. When he emerged from the bathroom, he took up the money that was on the dresser. He gave Mr. Styles a small, "Thank you," before ducking out of the room. The stairs were a little tricky, but he still made it to the servant's entrance in time.

 

~*~

 

"Shh, be quiet," Harry whispered to the girl hanging off his arm as they sneaked toward the servant's entrance." He had been partying at Louis’ place; Louis always threw rip-roarers and was always capable of pulling in the hottest, most exciting kids in their school -- including Chloe Martins who was the hot senior Harry had been trying to hook up with since the start of the year. He'd been charming her all night and had finally convinced her to come back to his. She giggled, both of them were a bit tipsy even though it was a school night but was else was new among the kids of the filthy rich elite.

 

Niall stumbled into the dark night, his shoes not even on yet and stopped short so he didn't trample a very handsome boy about his age, and the attractive girl who was no doubt his date. He stared at them, stupefied.

 

Harry and Chloe both came to a halt, staring at the boy standing before them. Harry blinked, confused. "Who are you?" he blurted, eyes sliding over the boy's frame and messed up blonde hair; he was cute. Cuter than Chloe. 

 

Niall was speechless for a moment. This boy was clearly Ray's son -- he looked like Ray, only younger, handsomer, happier. "Help," he burbled out. "I'm the... I'm the help."

 

"Oh," Harry said, blinking. "You new?" It wasn't unusual that they had young help in the house. Hell, they'd had a cute girl named Kaylee a few months back but his father had fired her when he'd found Harry and Kaylee in a rather compromising position; the poor girl had barely worked there a week. 

 

"Yes," Niall stammered, noticing Harry's date was getting bored. "Sorry," he said, having no excuse for why he was running out of the house without his shoes on in the middle of the night.

 

Chloe was nudging Harry so they could get inside the house, she'd rather be in Harry's room with his face stuffed between her legs than talk to this scrawny kid with poor fashion sense. "Oh, cool. I'm Harry," Harry said with a charming smile, ignoring Chloe. He looked at Niall who seriously looked a little sketchy. "Where are your shoes?"

 

Niall pulled them out from under his hoodie. "They're... I was just going to put them on." Harry's smile was charming, indeed. He had dimples that his father didn't have and curls... my god, the curls.

 

Okay. This boy was odd but weren't all the lower classes that? He was cute though. Harry wanted to chat him up some more but Chloe was growing restless next to him. "What's your name?" he asked. "And when do you start?" 

 

"Niall," he said, shuffling out of the way. "I don't -- I don't-- It doesn't matter," he babbled stupidly.

 

"Harry," Chloe said impatiently and began tugging Harry along, "Let's go." Harry went along with it but sent Niall a smile with a flash of perfect, pearly whites. "Nice to meet you, Niall! I'll see you around!" he gave a quick wink before Chloe had pulled him through the entrance.

 

Niall knew if Harry ever mentioned meeting Niall to his father, he would be out of a job. This burned in his guts as he got on the bus. As he rode home, contemplating beautiful, cat-shaped green eyes and that long, slinky body, he pulled out his phone to see if there had been any news.

 

There was a text from Zayn: ‘hit me up when you done,’ sent just a small half hour ago.

 

Sighing, Niall called Zayn's number.

 

Zayn was in his room working in his tattoo sketch book, slow music in the background when his phone vibrated. "You're alive," was Zayn's greeting once he took it. He always called Niall when he was done working, or at least texted him because a part of him was convinced that that guy was going to do something creepy or nasty sooner or later.

 

"Well, yeah," Niall scoffed. "He just wants to fuck me, not paint the walls with my blood, Zayn. I told you that."

 

"He's going to sacrifice you sooner or later, and I won't even have the chance to say 'I told you so'," Zayn said, grinning. "Anyways, you too tired?" He asked, 

 

"For what? You wanna hang out? Tell me now, I'll get off at this stop."

 

"I'm craving some crappy McD," Zayn said, closing his sketch pad and getting to his feet. "How far are you now?"

 

"I could be to yours in 10."

 

"Sweet, meet you at the spot." Zayn hung up and reached for his leather-sleeved denim jacket, pulled a beanie over his soft, product-free hair and headed out.

 

Niall got off the bus and walked the few blocks to the McD's Niall knew he was talking about. He smiled at the sight of his friend, always reassured by him. "Hey," he said softly, feeling the huge wad of cash burn brightly in his pocket.

 

Zayn was a bit of a worried, over-protective mother hen when it came to Niall and the first thing he did was let his gaze slide over Niall, assuring that he wasn't missing anything; but beside the usual limp, he looked fine. "Sup, bro," Zayn said and pulled Niall into a tight hug, ignoring the smell of sex lingering on him and rubbed his back.

 

"Hey," Niall said again. "Not much. What're you doing up so late?"

 

Zayn slung an arm around Niall's neck. "What does it look like?" he said as he pulled Niall towards the McD entrance. "Wanna make it take-out and eat at the park?" They did this often, ate by the deserted playground, sitting on the swings or on the roof of that play house.

 

"Yeah, I'd like that," Niall smiled. "And hey, whatever you want tonight is on me!"

 

"Feeling rich?" Zayn teased. "But nope, I'll pay. You use that money wisely." He squinted up at the menu display, wondering if he should take the strawberry milkshake or mix it with bananas. 

 

"You can let me take care of you a little bit, Zayn," Niall said, moving gingerly beside him. "You're my best friend and I got paid twice this week."

 

Zayn turned and smiled sweetly. "Nah, you're my little brother, yeah?" He said, nudging Niall gently, "I'll pay. Now, do you want to buy 30 chicken nuggets and see who can finish them fastest?"

 

Niall laughed. "No, I'll throw up again like last time! Let me... At least let me get you a coke. Something. Anything." Niall was being oddly insistent.

 

"I still have the picture of you throwing up on my phone--for future blackmail," Zayn grinned and then added just to appease Niall, "Get me a Fanta." 

 

"Ok," Niall smiled, pleased with that. They paid separately and traversed the parking lot that separated the McDonalds and the park. There, they sat on the low, stone wall, Niall wincing a little bit but trying to hide it.

 

Zayn, observant as ever, especially when it came to Niall, saw the wince. He gritted his teeth a bit, but said nothing. "Check out this chick," he said and scrolled through his phone, before showing the screen to Niall. It was the Facebook profile photo of a dark-haired girl. "She's hot, yeah? She goes to Northside and saw her at this party the other night."

 

"Yeah? Will she be the girl to finally sweep Zayn Malik out of his singledom?"

 

Zayn snorted. "Don't think so," he said with a shrug, scrolling through her photos, lingering on one taken at a beach where she was wearing a bikini. "She has a boyfriend anyways."

 

"Do you get laid a lot, Zayn?" Niall asked, casually.

 

Zayn got a cheeky glint in his eyes, "I don't kiss and tell, Horan."

 

"Yeah, I know. You never talk about it. But it isn't fair, because you.. you know about me."

 

"I have to know about you so I can make sure you don't put yourself in trouble," Zayn said and flickered Niall's nose playfully. He shoved the phone back in his pocket. 

 

Niall sighed. "I didn't tell you because you would look after me. I don't need you to look after me. I told you because I needed one person in the world I could talk to. Sometimes I think you don't trust me like I do you."

 

Zayn immediately felt guilty. "Don't say that," he said and nudged Niall, "You're my best friend, alright? We've known each other practically forever. We even met at those swings," Zayn nodded towards the pair of swings a little away, smiling. This playground was symbolic for their friendship.

 

"Then... why don't you talk to me about.... private stuff?" He hugged his hoodie tighter around himself. "Do you... Do you not... Do you look down on me?"

 

"No!" Zayn exclaimed quickly. "Fuck no!" he repeated and reached for Niall, pulling him into a hug. "Don't even think that," he chastised softly. "I just..I'm not really proud of what..." Zayn trailed off, catching himself, because he knew Niall wasn't proud of what he was doing either and he still confided in him.

 

Niall ducked his head for a moment, his forehead against Zayn's cheek. "You know," he said after a great pause, "whatever it is, I'd never judge you."

 

"I know," Zayn said softly. He let out a deep breath. He was going to tell Niall, because he deserved to know, he deserved to feel like Zayn trusted him and appreciated him. "I..." Zayn licked his lips, "I kind of...It's really fucking messed up but...I can't help myself around girls in relationships," Zayn said in one breath and then he blurted it all out, "I don't get interested if they're single and free but as soon as I see them with their boyfriends, sometimes their girlfriends, it turns me on and all I can think about is being with them. As soon as they leave their boyfriend for me even though I never asked them, my interest just disappears, puff, gone, I don't fucking know what's wrong with me."

 

Zayn was looking away, ashamed and awaiting Niall's reaction with bated breath.

 

Niall smiled at him softly. "I don't think that's terribly abnormal. I saw a boy tonight that I might've only been interested in because he had a pretty girl on his arm... But I understand. I know it feels scary."

 

"Niall..." Zayn said, swallowing, "it's really bad. I never told you the real reason my cousin and I got in a fight--I slept with his fucking girlfriend of three fucking years and he found me balls-deep inside of her." 

 

"Oh," Niall said softly. "Oh." That was a little different. "Do you know... why do you do that?"

 

Zayn was rubbing his face, ashamed and embarrassed. "I don't know," he said weakly, "I even searched it up on the internet because I'm convinced it’s some undiscovered mental disease, but I didn’t find anything."

 

"It sounds like a fear of commitment to me," Niall shrugged.

 

Zayn let out a soft, nervous laugh. "No," he said, "People who're afraid to commit don't fuck people in committed relationships."

 

Niall reached out and rubbed his back. "I know I have no authority to say this, Zayn, but... I wouldn't be surprised if this is something that passes... You're still really young...”

 

Zayn smiled and massaged Niall’s scalp in an affectionate gesture. "I hope so," he said with a soft sigh. "And what is this about a boy you saw?” he asked curiously.

 

Niall rolled his eyes. He was always embarrassed by talking about boys with Zayn. "It's nothing. It's... I mean, I saw Mr. Styles' son as I was leaving..."

 

Zayn had been about to take a bite of his burger but his gaze snapped to Niall. "What- isn't that, fuck, isn't that bad? How much did he see?" 

 

"Nothing, I mean... I was leaving, I just didn't have my shoes on. I told him I was the help." Niall huffed -- that was stupid, but he didn't know what else to say. "I just fucking pray he doesn't ask his dad about me."

 

Zayn didn't say anything immediately, because a part of him wanted this to end even though if Niall didn't get the money, Amy's future would look bleaker than it already was. "Fuck," he said finally. "Tell me, did he look at you properly? Like, was he interested in any way? Maybe he'll even forget?"

 

"He was definitely curious," Niall shrugged. "But he's not going to forget. What are you thinking?"

 

Zayn shrugged. "If it really happens, y'know, if he throws you to the curb then we'll find an alternative solution," Zayn said, eyes a bit narrowed, deep in thought.

 

Niall took a deep breath. He didn't even want to think of what would happen if Styles kicked him to the curb. "Should I... What if I go over there and I talk to him, what if I --" This was sounding stupid, even as he spoke. "Shit."

 

"And what? Beg? No, you're not going to do that," Zayn said firmly with a brisk shake of his head. He then paused. "Who exactly are you talking about? The creep or the creep's son?"

 

"Either? If either might help?" Niall really didn't think anything would, though. "I see him again in a few days. I suppose... I'll just have to wait and see if I get the axe."

 

Zayn sighed and looked up at the dark sky. "Wait," he said slowly and turned towards the blonde. "The boy you 'might' have been interested in was the creep's son?" he asked warily.

 

"He was really good looking," Niall shrugged, caught.

 

“Okay, he was just good-looking, not a 'I want to know him better' kind of good-looking, right?" Zayn asked, "because you know the only way that could end, right?"

 

"Zayn," Niall snorted, "I'm not going to DO anything. Fuck! He's my boss's _son_." Then Niall made a face. "You know Ray likes me to call him 'daddy', right?"

 

Zayn shuddered visibly. "He's so gross," he said, wrinkling his nose. "That's fucked up, considering he has a son your age." He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, asking casually, "So, do you?"

 

"I know, that's what I'm saying---" Niall looked at him. "Do I what?"

 

Zayn fumbled with the lighter before finally getting a flame. "Do you well...call him that?" Zayn asked, a bit awkwardly, because the mental image was making him a bit uncomfortable.

 

Niall went bright pink, recalling the things he had said only a few hours ago. "Yeah..." he whispered softly. "I mean, he's my boss.... y'know? It's not like I get off on it." He was blushing bright, cherry red.

 

The only reason Zayn found it fucked up wasn't just because the creep had a teenage son but because Niall's father had left Niall and Amy when they needed him the most so Zayn knew Niall had some 'Daddy issues'. He watched Niall go bright pink, "So...you don't get off on it just because it's Ray? Would you get off on it if it was anyone else?" Zayn wasn't even sure why he was asking, so he awkwardly averted his gaze, taking a large drag of the cigarette.

 

"Zayn," Niall whined, pained. "Don't -- I don't... I don't want to talk about it," he said, tucking down in his hoodie to hide his face. "He's... He's the only person I've ever... y'know. Done anything like that with."

 

Zayn knew and it pained Zayn as well. "I'm sorry," he said softly and pulled Niall into his body, tucking his chin over his head. He offered his cigarette to Niall.

 

Niall took it and leaned into Zayn's warmth. "You smell so good," he said softly, before covering up the aroma with the cigarette smoke. "Especially when you don't wear cologne. You smell really good."

 

Zayn laughed softly and nuzzled Niall's hair. "Yeah?" he said quietly, subconsciously stroking up and down Niall's arm gently, "What do I smell like?"

 

"Like when the sun comes out after a heavy rain," Niall said, giving the cigarette back and pressing his nose into Zayn's neck.

 

Zayn felt the heat in his cheek and was entirely grateful for his darker complexion. "Poetic," he said teasingly and took the cigarette, took a drag, held the smoke in and curled his mouth in a perfect 'O' shape, breathing the smoke out in rings. "If a girl told me that, I'd jump in bed with her," Zayn said, grinning.

 

"But only if she wasn't single," Niall jibed gently. He giggled softly for a second, then said, "So you would never -- with a guy?"

 

Zayn gave Niall a small pinch for the first one, chuckling softly. "I'm a ladies’ man," he said, "But...you wanna hear a secret?"

 

"Yes," Niall said, really, really meaning it.

 

Zayn held a pause just for dramatic effect then dropped his voice low and whispered next to Niall's ear, "Oscar Crosby sucked me off last year's field trip. Best blowjob ever." Oscar was in the football team and he'd had a girlfriend at the time. 

 

That made Niall sit up to look at his face. "Get the fuck out. I could've sworn he was straight. What the fuck happened?"

 

"We were assigned to clean up the kitchen that one night, remember? I think you were out and playing some drinking game with the other boys. Anyways, we got in a fight over something silly I can't quite recall, I think I splattered some soap detergent on him by accident and he was a little bitch about it. I told him to suck my dick and things...ehm...escalated? ‘Cause the next second he's on his knees with his mouth wrapped around my dick." Zayn had an expression of incredulous awe himself, "I don't even know, but he blew me better than any girl ever has."

 

Niall smirked at him. "It's always better with boys -- at least that's what I've heard."

 

"I guess it's because we know what we want," Zayn shrugged and passed the cigarette to Niall. "He begged me not to tell anyone, he actually cried like a little baby." He let out a soft snort. "Those soccer players aren't all that tough as they make themselves out to be."

 

"Oh, man. I fancied him all freshman year," Niall said, his lips soft on the cigarette. "You're such a bitch, Zayn. You don't go for boys, but when you do, it's the one I like."

 

Zayn smiled, tongue pressed against the back of his teeth and eyes squinted. "I can't help that I turn straight boys gay," he said and laughed.

 

"How do you do it? How are you so damn sexy?" Niall pouted, wishing he had Zayn's ability to make people fall at his feet.

 

"I just look at them like this," Zayn said, voice dropped and fluttered his long, thick eyelashes, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and giving Niall a smoky, seductive look. "Touch them lightly on the thigh," Zayn put a hand high up on Niall's thigh, "And then I just say..hi," the last word were more or less breathed out. "And they are puddle in my hands."

 

"Oh," Niall said a little stupidly, a puddle in his hands. It was weird having a best friend that was so damned attractive.

 

Zayn broke the atmosphere by chuckling softly and he pushed his face into the crook of Niall's neck, yawning against the soft skin. "I think it's time to head home," he muttered and nipped playfully at Niall's neck. "Mind if I crash at yours? That way you can make sure I at least make it to the last class of the day."

 

"Yeah, sounds good," Niall said, nuzzling Zayn back. "I can pull out the air mattress if you like." Of course, he wanted to share, but it was just too forward to invite Zayn into his bed after the discussion they'd just had.

 

"Did your bed shrink or something?" Zayn muttered against Niall's neck, puzzled. They always shared bed since they were little kids and had sleepovers. "Or are you afraid I'll seduce your pants off?" he teased.

 

"Maybe a little," Niall snickered softly. "C'mon, let's tuck you in before you pass out."

 

Zayn let Niall pull him to his feet and they took the bus to the Horan residence. Niall lived in a small, humble apartment a ten minute bus ride away from Zayn's home. The apartment was dark and quiet, the door into Niall's mother's bedroom closed.

 

Niall tiptoed to her room and peeked inside, just to make sure she wasn't there. Satisfied, he followed Zayn into his own bedroom and said softly, "I'm going to take a shower." He still really needed one. "Don't wait up."

 

Zayn barely managed to strip down to his boxers before he fell face first into the bed. "Hurry up then," Zayn muttered, half-asleep already as he curled around a pillow. "Want to cuddle."

 

That both made things easier and harder for Niall. He still felt aches in his body that, now that a man twice his age was no longer heaving atop him, were actually quite sexy. He hopped into the shower and, hand on cock, thought about what it might be to spoon with Zayn and what might happen if his friend's cock slipped inside him.

 

Zayn was five seconds from nodding off when his stupid bladder used that moment to notify him that he needed emptying. He cursed under his breath and staggered sleepily into the unlocked bathroom. "Sorry, need to take a piss," he muttered, eyes half-lidded and he didn't look towards Niall, just turned to the toilet and lifted the lid, pulling his dick out. 

 

"Uh, ok," Niall said, trying not to pant. His dick was in his hand and the only thing that separated his nudity from his best friend was a thin plastic sheet. He let out a choked little moan.

 

Zayn was nearly sleeping standing up, pissing noisily into the bowl. Though he still registered the soft sound. "Did you say something?" he asked, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

 

"No," Niall said, panting softly. "Just rubbing one out. Take your time."

 

Zayn was wide awake then. "Oh," he said awkwardly, "I thought you already..." Zayn trailed off, biting down his bottom lip and glancing over at the thin, plastic sheet where he could make out Niall's outline.

 

"I already what?" Niall asked, trying to laugh, but it came out sort of breathy.

 

"Don't you...I don't know, man, I'd imagined you come when you're with McCreep?" Zayn asked, turning to the sink and washing his hands.

 

"I can't get off with him," Niall said softly, his fingers trailing over his hard cock, hips flexing as he leaned against the far wall to support himself.

 

"Fuck, that sucks. Does he even try to get you off?" Zayn asked and checked his image in the mirror. He could hear Niall's soft panting and the sound of his hand over his cock. He swallowed as he felt a tingle in his belly and oh fuck, his dick was twitching. Awkward.

 

"Uh, Zayn -- as much as I love our heart to hearts, seriously: Either jerk me off or get out and let me finish."

 

Zayn laughed softly. "I need to wank off as well," he said and gingerly touched his dick, "I'll just take this to the bedroom."

 

Niall choked. "Ok," he said, trying to sound cheery. "Out in a few." As soon as Zayn left, he fisted himself furiously, full of new wanking material.

 

Zayn waddled back to the bed and tucked himself up against the headboard, pulling out his half-hard dick and stroking himself. Usually, he liked to take his sweet time, but Niall sounded like he'd actually be out any second so Zayn spread his legs and did all the small twists and squeezes that always got him off fast.

 

Niall came against the shower wall, thinking of his friend's sweet coffee and cream skin -- that smelled of sun after rain. He panted for a few moments and collected himself before cleaning himself. Once he actually felt fresh, if not still a bit sore, he got dressed and returned to the bedroom.

 

When Niall returned, Zayn had just gotten into it. His thighs were spread lewdly with his head tilted a bit back, eyes closed and long eyelashes fluttering against his high cheekbones. His mouth was hanging open, soft pants falling from his lips and hand moving furiously over his cock. He was so into it that he didn't even notice Niall slipping soundlessly into the room.

 

Niall stared for a second -- but just one. By god, he could give head better than fucking Oscar Crosby and he was going to damn well prove it. Besides, he'd never given head to someone he'd actually liked and he was so eager to know how it felt. He put a hand on Zayn's chest to keep him down and batted his hand away from his dick. Without further ado, he ducked down and slurped Zayn's long cock into his mouth.

 

Zayn's hips bucked in a loud gasp, "Oh fuck," he choked, hand automatically coming to rest on Niall's damp hair. He had no idea why Niall had his cock in his mouth, but he wasn't going to complain now or ever. "Is this a superpower?" He asked, moaning. "I can get boys to suck me off out of nowhere?"

 

"Shut up," Niall pulled off long enough to say, before sucking Zayn as far as he could down his throat, much like he had learned for Mr. Styles. It was so much nicer to hear Zayn's pretty moans than Mr. Styles disparaging him.

 

Zayn's hips curled wantonly and let out a deep moan, fingers pulling softly in Niall's hair. "Oh my God, babe," Zayn panted as he felt Niall swallow around him and he could feel his orgasm building up rapidly. He wanted to enjoy this longer, but there was no way in hell when Niall could use his mouth like that. "You're so fucking..." he moaned, "so fucking good!"

 

The sounds of Niall sucking and slurping were pretty intense. What he couldn't fit into his mouth, he stroked with his hand, using his tongue the way Styles liked.

 

Zayn didn't last a minute longer. He tugged in Niall's hair. "I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come, Niall, baby," he ranted, trying to get Niall off his dick so he didn't explode in his mouth.

 

Niall was used to cum guzzling. There was no reason he couldn't swallow Zayn's. He batted Zayn's hand from his head and sucked again, harder, intending to bring him off in a way he'd never forget.

 

Zayn fell apart, bright light blinding his vision and he thrust up as he came harder than he'd ever come in his life. He gasped and wheezed, emptying in Niall's sinfully skilled mouth. Once he was done and came back down from his high, he collapsed on the bed and stared starry-eyed at the ceiling. "Best day ever," he said, dazed.

 

Niall swallowed with greater grace than he'd had with Styles. When he pulled off, he wiped his mouth and gently kissed Zayn's hip, wondering if this was the stupidest thing he'd ever done. He gave Zayn a funny little smile and said, "Better than Oscar fucking Crosby, huh?"

 

"Better than Oscar fucking Crosby," Zayn said with a confirming nod and pulled his boxers over his exhausted dick. "I don't know what the fuck just happened or why the fuck you did that, but that was a slice of heaven."

 

Niall was flush with pleasure. Hearing it from Zayn was a whole world of delight that he never received from hearing it from Styles. He hopped up, then scrambled into the bed, cuddling into the covers. "Cause I'm the best."

 

Zayn smiled softly, sleepily and draped a thigh over Niall's hips, cuddling into his back, spooning him. "To me you'll always be the best," Zayn whispered, eyes fluttering against the back of Niall's neck, "in everything."

 

That made Niall's heart pound.  Quite unbeknownst to himself, Niall was getting his hopes up. He was getting his hopes up that this might actually be -- a thing. He was so excited, it took him well over an hour to fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Ray Styles was in the kitchen, sipping tea and doing a last minute overview of the important meeting he'd have later the same day. The kitchen was otherwise empty, except for Mrs. Yoder who was bustling around and preparing Harry's breakfast. 

 

When Harry appeared, he was disheveled, but handsome. He had managed to get rid of Chloe in a way that made her feel like a princess presently, but in a few days’ time, she would realize was a well-orchestrated brush-off. "Hey," Harry nodded at his dad as he came to the marble-topped island.

 

Ray gave him a quick, short glance that didn't betray anything and turned back to shuffling through his documents. "Morning," he said and gave a curt nod back.

 

Harry picked his morning eye-boogers out of his face in silence for several seconds. Then, he lit up suddenly when he remembered last night’s peculiar interaction. "Hey! Why did we get new help?"

 

Ray stopped scribbling in his notepad. "New help?" he asked and tried to recall if he'd given the house keeper permission to bring in new staff.

 

"Yeah. That little blonde boy. Neil -- something more exotic. Really cute."

 

Ray nearly burned himself on the scalding coffee. His expression quickly shifted back into distant and bored. Harry had come home earlier than Ray had thought and it was a small feat of deduction to know that he’d bumped into Niall as he was leaving. "He was considered new help," Ray said in a calm voice, glancing briefly up at his son. "He isn't qualified." 

 

Harry frowned, but it passed, as he was as skilled in wearing masks as his father. "Well, find an excuse to hire him. I like him."

 

Ray's teeth gritted slightly. If anything, Harry was a spoiled brat that demanded everything he laid his eyes upon. "He isn't going to be hired just so you can have a new play thing," Ray settled a disapproving look on Harry and shook his head. "Go get ready for school."

 

"I don't have classes today until noon," Harry sassed back. "C'mon. Hire him. Maybe mom would come back if we had a cute boy in the house."

 

That hit Ray painfully and he felt anger swell inside of him. Because he could hear the underlying accusation in Harry's voice, he knew that he was being blamed for the absence of that woman he called his wife.

"He's not going to be hired. End of story," Ray said in a voice that left no room for objection and gathered his documents.

 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Fine. Hire a dowdy Polish woman. That'll really liven this dump up."

 

Ray gave him a short, sharp look, but before he could say anything, his phone rang in his pocket and he quickly took it, checking his watch and walking out of the house without a backward glance.

 

Harry just rolled his eyes. Then he looked at Mrs. Yoder and said, "I didn't mean anything by that 'dowdy old Polish woman' stuff."

 

Mrs. Yoder gave him a short, quick smile and nodded. "I know," she said, sympathetic because she knew too much of what was going on inside this house. "Now you eat -- breakfast is the most important meal of the day," she said as she brought him a plate brimming over with food.

 

~*~

 

Niall woke, feeling refreshed and hopeful in a way he hadn't in many years. He rolled onto his back and looked at his friend's face, studying his dark lashes as they graced his high cheekbones.

 

Zayn was deep asleep, because mornings were the worst for him even though the time was fast approaching early noon.

 

Very gently, Niall reached over and stroked down his cheek. "Hey," he whispered softly.

 

Zayn slowly stirred awake and he blinked lazily with his golden brown eyes. "Just five minutes more," he said automatically, voice thick with sleep and smashed his face into the pillow.

 

"Ok," Niall cooed softly, watching his beautiful eyes fall closed again. It was surely creeper behavior to watch his friend sleep, but he couldn't resist. Zayn was so close, so warm, so beautiful... and still holding him a little bit. "We could... y'know... ditch school entirely and snuggle all day, too..."

 

Zayn's sleep-fogged brain wasn't registering Niall's odd behavior. He merely grunted, "I'm trying to keep my absence percentage from reaching 30," he said into the pillow, "or my parents will be called in. Y'know what happened last time--a whole three days of grounding and lectures until my ears fell off."

 

"Yeah," Niall said softly. "Five minutes, then..." Then he rolled slightly, tucking himself more firmly against his friend and closed his eyes.

 

"Ah fuck," Zayn muttered, remembering something. "Do you think we can trick Danny into letting us copy the math homework off of him?"

 

"Mmmmm," Niall thought about it. "May have to give him an extra quarter."

 

Zayn hummed in reply, "Anything so that witch get off my back.” Talking about their math teacher, he muttered, "I swear it's like she has a personal vendetta against me. That or she's just racist."

 

"Or maybe you just never do your math homework," Niall smiled, watching his friend's lips. His fingers were crawling up Zayn's chest, nearly imperceptibly, resting at the keyhole that joined his collar bone.

 

Zayn thought about it for a short moment then said, "Nah, she's racist." He grinned then asked, "Is there a reason you're feeling me up, Horan?"

 

Niall tapped his finger in that place, making a soft, rain like sound. "Just... y'know. No."

 

Zayn let out a soft chuckle and let Niall continue. "Feels nice," he said.

 

Niall felt like that was permission. He trailed his fingers across the ridge of Zayn's clavicle, just a gentle tickle, gauging his reaction to how much more touching he could get away with.

 

Zayn settled into the touch with a small, pleased sound. "Hey, I was thinking we could go to the record shop after school," he said. "Ed said he'd be there and play a song or two."

 

"Oh, yeah? We always sell lots when he plays. That'd be awesome." In an act of sheer boldness, Niall let his fingers drop down Zayn's sternum, between his lovely, developing pectoral muscles.

 

Zayn breath hitched a bit when Niall's fingers brushed against his nipples; he was embarrassingly sensitive there. He grabbed Niall's hand and put it on his waist instead to avoid an awkward boner. "Yeah, that's what I was thinking," he said, "We could go to Amy's afterwards."

 

“I should let her rest. The doctors say she shouldn't have too much excitement for one week..." God, Niall wanted to touch. He curled his hand into Zayn's side, pulling him a little closer.

 

Zayn didn't know exactly what was happening, but he went along with it, casually draping his thigh over Niall's hip. "Then I should probably tell Waliyah," he said. "She was saying something or another about going over with a gift or something."

 

Niall's mind went funny and he absolutely forgot what they were talking about. "Yeah," he said absently, letting his hand start to roam a little, just his fingers slowly moving over Zayn's hip.

 

Zayn stared into Niall's eyes for an intense second then said, "Bro, we should probably get up."

 

"Yeah," Niall said, prone to agreeing when his mind wasn't working at all. "Ok." But he didn't move. He just sort of stared at Zayn's lips.

 

Zayn didn't move either. "Does he kiss you?” he asked then, voice barely above a whisper.

 

"Huh?" Niall asked, brought out of his reverie. "Oh... No... I try not to let him."

 

Zayn nodded slowly. His gaze flickered over Niall's face. "Good," he said then, shifting a bit. "We should go," he said again, but didn't move, waiting for Niall to pull away first.

 

Niall wasn't going to. He wanted this more than he wanted good attendance. After several moments' silence, he said, "Why? Why good?"

 

Zayn tilted his face a little, so his face was closer to Niall's, "Because," he said, voice low, "a kiss is...special." His eyes dropped to Niall's pink lips for a second. "The bus will be here in 15 minutes."

 

Niall had to suddenly wonder if he was being played. He knew how good Zayn was at that sort of thing -- perhaps the boy was experimenting on him. Niall dropped his eyes and cleared his throat. "Ok," he said and slowly sat up.

 

Zayn ignored the slight disappointment and sat up as well. He ran a hand through his hair. "I'll just use the bathroom first," he said and got to his feet, shuffling to the bathroom. "If we're lucky we can grab a few donuts from that new place near the school."

 

Niall nodded. As soon as Zayn was gone, he sat in bed a few moments, his hand over his heart, wondering why it was pounding so hard.

 

~*~

 

They narrowly made it to class before the teacher who gave them a both a shake of the head and hopeless look. Bored per usual, Zayn doodled in his notebook, drawing a pair of swings and scribbling: _We should totally get tattoos together, bro_ , before balling it up and throwing it to Niall, who was dozing off at the desk next to him.

 

Niall read the note and suddenly got very shy -- he liked that idea a lot. _Of what?_ he wrote back.

 

 _Dunno. Something that symbolizes our friendship? Small and hidden so my parents don't throw a fit ;),_ Zayn scribbled down quickly and slid it over to Niall. 

 

Niall bit his lip and gave it some real thought. _The Islamic crescent and an Irish shamrock together,_ Niall scribbled back. _Or RC racers._ They had bonded over that in a serious way as kids.

 

Zayn's eyes brightened at the idea, giving Niall a grin and a thumb up, he was about to write back that he would do the design but was interrupted by Mrs. Hill’s loud, sharp voice. "Malik!" she snapped making Zayn jump startled. "Why don't you come up and solve the problem on the board?" she asked and Zayn swore he saw a sadistic glint in her eyes. 

 

Niall frowned. He looked over at Zayn, hoping to see him composed and capable, but knowing his friend had a more artistic than mathematical mind.

 

Zayn looked calm, but he was anything but. He was shitty at math and this woman knew it. He glanced at the problem scrawled on the board and he couldn't make sense of it at all. "We don't have all day," Mrs. Hill said impatiently, her small eyes piercing into him. 

 

Niall was wracking his brain for anything to do to help his friend. There was little available to him without making the situation worse. So he did. "Mrs. Hill, you're a cunt," he said, clear as day, in the middle of the class. "And I kind of think you're a racist. Can we talk about that instead?" It was absolutely out of line and the entire class exploded in consternation and embarrassment.

 

Zayn's mouth fell open in shock and then he let out a poorly disguised snort. Mrs. Hill looked absolutely furious, her face turning a nasty shade of red. "To the Principle's office!" She screamed, "Both of you! Now!" 

 

Niall was having a hard time not grinning. "Definitely, really, racist," he said, gathering his things and skipping out of the room with Zayn. Once in the hall, he just started giggling compulsively.

 

"You're racist, Mrs. Hill! It's 2018, get over yourself!" Zayn said just as he stepped into the hall. Mrs. Hill positively looked like she was going to strangle him. 

 

Niall reached out for a fist bump. "Probably not the right way to go, but satisfying. Are we actually going to the principal's or not?"

 

Zayn knocked his fist against Niall's and slung his arm around his neck, tugging him along as he began to walk away. "Nah, we're screwed either way. I'm starving; wanna go to the Café downtown?"

 

"Yeah," Niall smiled, hugging Zayn against him, thinking the only way this could be any better was if Zayn was actually his boyfriend.

 

"Fuck, her face was priceless," Zayn said with a boyish snicker as they walked out in the cool, crisp fall air. "We're doubtlessly getting a shitload of detention."

 

"Maybe. I mean -- she is a little racist. Have you talked to your parents about her?"

 

Zayn shrugged as they reached the bus stop. "Nah, I don't give a shit about her," he said and pulled his pack of cigarettes out. "I've dealt with way worse than her." He'd dealt with nasty looks, bullies and whatnot ever since he was a toddler. 

 

"Mmmm, yeah, I remember," Niall nodded, crowding his space, begging for a cigarette. After he got one he looked around. "Hey... That really swanky prep school is, like, two blocks from the cafe."

"Those snotty, rich kids get on my nerves," Zayn said, puffing on his cigarette and checking the time to see if the next bus was close or if it'd be faster to just walk. "But if we could get them as our customers, that'd be sick."

 

"Yes!" Niall said, lighting up, thrilled that Zayn had come to the same conclusion he had.

 

Zayn raised a brow at Niall. "If we get just one of them to buy our stuff, the rest will come by themselves." Zayn was thoughtful for a moment. "We could even raise the price. They've got the money after all."

 

"Oh, my god," Niall said, new vistas dawning in his mind. "Why didn't we think of this before?"

 

Zayn laughed softly and gave Niall a mischievous look. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

 

"Yes. Fuuuuck, yes," Niall grinned, getting on the arriving bus with speed.

 

They had to first go to Zayn's greenhouse -- an empty warehouse a few blocks south that had amazing light quality and a stable temperature. Then they went to Niall's to clean up and look presentable to prep school toffs.

 

Zayn snorted as he looked into the mirror. He was wearing a pair of khaki pants and a red, knitted sweater over a white, high-collar shirt. The look was a far cry from his normal ripped jeans and t-shirts with flashy prints. "I look absolutely ridiculous," he said, working on his hair.

 

"You’re beautiful," Niall said, sincerely. Especially because he'd put Zayn in some of the few remaining clothes that his father had left behind. He was staring a little bit.

 

"So are you, babe," Zayn said with a grin and pulled Niall in front of the mirror. "Look at us: we nearly look like super rich kids." Zayn said and began humming the tune of Super Rich Kids by Frank Ocean.

 

This was hard -- how was Niall not supposed to be in love with him? He was blushing pink. He had prided himself so much on being able to be ‘just friends’ with Zayn for so long, but since last night, it was swiftly falling apart. "Let's go," he said softly.

 

They hopped on the bus and it took them downtown, bringing them to the long, high gates of Saint Andres school. "Show time," Zayn said with a smirk as he eyed the preppy, rich kids milling about.

 

"Alright. Casual. They'll come to us. Just show off that pretty face."

 

"And you show off that sunny smile," Zayn said, nudging Niall gently in the side. There were already a couple of girls in pleated skirts and blazers eyeing them curiously a little away. 

 

That did make Niall smile. He lit up in a bright giggle and before long, there was a suddenly a pretty Latina girl before them, watching them with interest. "Are you guys new?"

 

Zayn had on his mysterious smile and smoky eyes. "Yeah," he said in a slow drawl. "I'm Zayn Malik," he said smoothly and took her hand, putting a light kiss atop of it, giving her a crooked smile.

 

"Nicole," she said, her voice brassy and full of confidence. Despite this, she was clearly taken with him.

 

"I'm Niall," the unintroduced waved, not even trying to be as suave as his friend. "We were just going to go round the back and toke a bit. Care to join us?"

 

"What, like, marijuana?"

 

"Yeah."

 

She gave him a quirky look. "How did you manage to get that on property?"

 

"I have my ways."

 

Nicole looked impressed. "Can I bring my friends?"

 

"Yeah! Of course. We got a lot."

 

Nicole excitedly disappeared to call her posse. Zayn turned toward Niall with a smirk, giving him a low high-five, hidden from view.

 

"Too easy," Niall muttered softly.

 

Niall and Zayn waited in an alcove behind the gym for Nicole and her friends. Niall watched his friend roll the joint with expert fingers.

 

Zayn heard them come before he saw them and he looked up. Nicole had brought two girls who looked just as excited as her, and behind them was trailing a couple of guys who looked a little bored. One of them had a mop of ridiculous curly hair and his eyes slid disinterestedly from Zayn and landed on Niall. The boy's whole expression changed. "Neil! Is that you?"

 

Niall looked up -- oh, shit. Their entire operation was already ruined and it had looked so promising. Surely, Harry would out him as being a poor kid who couldn't even put his shoes on properly. "Hey," he said, clearly startled.

 

Harry made his way to the front of the crowd, eyes sliding over Niall, surprised to see the way he was dressed opposed to the other night. "What a pleasure," Harry said in that slow voice, smiling dimply. "I thought I had surely lost any chance to see you again."

 

Zayn had stopped rolling the joint and was looking from Harry to Niall, quickly putting the pieces together.

 

"Yeah," Niall said again before clearing his throat. He took a glance at Zayn as if to say 'be cool'. "Wanna have a toke with us?"

 

Zayn quickly composed himself and Harry looked like he was about to ask something, confused, so Zayn acted quickly, sticking the thin joint before him. "Why don't you take the first hit?" he suggested and Harry slowly took the joint from Zayn's fingers, eyes barely leaving Niall. 

 

"This is Zayn," Niall said by way of introduction. "He's my best friend. I'm Niall," he smiled and waved at everyone else.

 

He got a collective answer in return. Zayn couldn't help but stare a little at Harry and noting that he looked like his creepy father; just a much younger version. Fuck this, they'd have to abort this mission. Harry quickly passed the joint to Nicole after taking a quick hit. He'd rather be talking and turned his attention back on Niall. "You were in a rush last night, yeah?" Harry said slowly and walked closer to Niall so he could say in a low whisper, "Why are you wearing that?"

 

Niall was alright with this non-public conference. "Um, I... Look, we're just trying to branch out," he said honestly. "Get some new buyers. I mean, I don't know who sells in your area, but no one grows bud better than Zayn. I mean, it's good, right?"

 

"Hasn’t kicked in yet. Tasted ok,” Harry admitted, sliding up close to Niall. He flipped his curls out of his eyes and smiled at Niall. "You're a drug dealer? My, you're rather interesting."

 

"I do what I have to do to get by," Niall shrugged, so reminded of Ray -- except Harry seemed to be like Ray with all the questionable parts turned charming. "You going to rat me out?"

 

"I won't, but," Harry bit down his lip in a way that was effortlessly endearing, "only if you promise me something in return." 

 

"What?" Niall asked, wondering whose lips would be softer -- Harry's or Zayn's.

 

Zayn was watching them closely out of the corner of his eyes, every protective instinct on the rise. Meanwhile, Nicole was trying to get his attention, flipping her hair and giggling.

 

"A few hours of your time," Harry said. "I'd love to take you out for lunch."

 

Niall's eyes went wide. "What? Why?"

 

Harry tilted his face a little to the side and smiled sweetly. "Because I want to," he said simply. 

 

Niall's eyes flickered briefly to Zayn, just needing the reassurance of seeing him there. "Well, we -- we can't. I mean, not -- I'm the help. Your help. We can't do that."

 

"Wow, this is fantastic!" One of the girls said to Zayn with the joint between her fingers and a dreamy look. "Where did you buy it?"

 

Zayn was a bit distracted by watching Harry and Niall. "It's mine."

 

"What?" one boy asked in disbelief.

 

"You grew this yourself?" asked another.

 

"Man, that's sick," said a third, "You sell?" 

 

Zayn nodded and looked towards Nicole briefly. She was looking at him even more impressed and admiring than before.

 

"No, you aren't," Harry said calmly, studying Niall closely. "My father told me you weren't qualified when I asked him about you."

 

Niall's pride was somewhat wounded by that and it showed on his face. He was also in no small way concerned about whether this meant Styles was going to cut him out entirely. It was this thought that made it easy to jump to the other conversation. "Yeah, we sell," he said to the boy. "I mean, we don't have a lot, but..." He announced the selling price which was, frankly, exorbitant. He went high, expecting they would try to barter him down and was shocked to shit when one of the girls said, "Oh my god, I'm want to buy, like a pound."

 

Zayn had heard Harry's last words, had seen the look on Niall's face and he was overcome with protective instinct. He locked an arm around Niall's neck and pulled towards him as if physically defend him from Harry's advances. Harry didn't approach them; he just stood in the background and quietly observed them pull small Ziplocs of green out of Zayn's bag.

 

They were so obvious about this whole thing, but the rich kids didn't seem to mind. They were as delighted as children at a carnival spending their parents' money. Zayn's bag was empty and Niall just concentrated on taking orders. He had gotten a request from pretty much everyone -- except Harry.

 

After everyone had placed their requests, Harry stepped forward and looked directly at Zayn. "I'd like a quarter as well, please," he said.

 

Zayn gave him a curt look. "I don't have more left right now," he said and couldn't help the slight sharpness in his tone.

 

"I can see that," Harry replied, "but you surely have more back at whatever...shack you grow them in."

 

"Yes," Niall interjected. "I can get you a quarter." He wanted to be on Harry's good side. As much as Zayn hated it, Niall couldn’t lose his income -- either from weed or from selling his body. "In two days, we'll come back."

 

Harry smiled, pleased. "Thank you," he said politely and checked his platinum watch. Their break was ending soon. "Could I get your number so we can stay in contact?" he asked, looking at Niall.

 

"Um. We'll be here in two days. Same time. Right here," he promised.

 

"Something might come up," Harry said innocently. "I'd just like to be sure to find you."

 

"Here's mine," Zayn said coldly and listed his number so the others could punch it in their phones as well.

Harry didn't even pull out his phone just gave Zayn a frown before quickly masking it with a smile. "Our break is ending," he said, turning to Niall. "I'll see you in two days, Niall."

 

Niall gave him a little nod and told everyone it was nice to meet them. When they disappeared, he simply sat back in the grass. "Shit."

 

"Fucking hell," Zayn said with a deep sigh and dropped down next to Niall. "Why didn't we think of the possibility of McCreep Junior going here?"

 

"I did," Niall groaned. "I'm so fucking stupid, I did and I just didn’t--" He cut himself off with a sigh.

 

Zayn had been about to pull out his trusted cigarettes: he fucking needed one right now, but stopped up upon hearing Niall's words and he turned to him, slow understanding dawning on him. "Why exactly did you let us come here without doing proper research first?" 

 

"What proper research?" Niall snapped. "There's no better business bureau for dealers, Zayn!"

 

"Do you even understand what this means?" Zayn snapped back, getting riled up without meaning to. "He was all over you! I know that kind of guy isn't going to leave you quietly without getting what he obviously wants!"

 

"Wait -- what?" Niall felt like this conversation had taken a left turn.

 

"Jesus," Zayn rubbed his face and lit his cigarette, taking a long drag. "Don't tell me you didn't get that he was so obviously interested with all that disgusting hair flipping --what's up with his hair anyways?--and those smiles. He was practically breathing your air with how close he was standing."

 

"So I may have to blow him to shut him up," Niall shrugged. "I'm not worried about that -- it's just his dad I'm worried about. Shit. Should I just text him to make sure we're still on for Wednesday?"

 

Zayn stared at him, the cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. "You're okay with blowing him to shut him up," he said slowly. "What the fuck, bro?"

 

Niall's stare back at him was rather hard and edged. "I'm a whore, Zayn. Did you forget that?"

 

Zayn winced, hard. He looked away. "You...you aren't a whore," he said softly, tugging up grass strands. 

 

"I think getting paid to have sex is pretty much the definition of a whore," Niall said, trying to sound matter-of-fact.

 

Zayn didn't know what to say, so instead he offered his cigarette to Niall.

 

Niall was grateful for it. He sucked on it for a few minutes, then he laughed. "Seriously? Are we seriously being fucking mopey? Look at how much fucking money we just made!!"

 

Niall's laugh was infectious and Zayn laughed too, pulling Niall down on the grass so they could stare up at the clouds drifting by. "Maybe...if we get more customers and they pay the same price or more, maybe you can stop working for him," Zayn said softly and turned onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow and looking down at Niall.

 

"Pfft," Niall said. "Do you have any idea how much it costs to keep my sister alive in there? I'll be in debt until I'm 80. And that's if I'm lucky."

 

Zayn let out a soft sigh and plucked the cigarette from Niall's fingers, inhaling the smoke deep into his lungs. "Life is unfair," he muttered.

 

Niall shrugged. "It is what it is." He propped himself up so he could look at Zayn. "So, kissing's special, huh?"

 

Zayn looked at Niall with a lifted brow, surprised but not displeased with the turn of conversation. "Yeah," he said with a crooked smirk, passing the last bit of cigarette to Niall before tilting his face so he could blow it out. He turned back to Niall. "Kissing is--" he thought of a good way of describing it, "Kissing is like ... it's like drinking salt water. You drink and it just makes you thirsty for more."

 

"Well, I _have_ kissed before, you know," Niall said, unable to meet Zayn's eye.

 

"I know," Zayn said. "That chick from eighth grade? Or someone I don't know about?"

 

Niall pinked. "That chick from eighth grade," he muttered. After that, he had not especially felt the need for more kisses.

 

"Aw, baby, she turned you gay?" Zayn teased, pinching Niall's rosy cheek.

 

That made Niall laugh loud and long. "I knew way before then," he rolled his eyes. "You really should come to Covers with me." Covers was the gay bar where Niall had met Styles for the first time.

 

Zayn lifted a brow. "No, bro, I think I'm good," he said.

 

Niall shrugged. "It's just..." his voice dropped, "....fun..."

 

"Fun?" Zayn asked and leaned closer to Niall. "What kind of fun are we talking about, babe?"

 

Whenever Zayn called him 'babe', Niall got a bit gooey inside. "Y'know.... sexy... fun..."

 

"Sexy fun?" Zayn repeated and smirked. "You'll have to elaborate a little there."

 

Niall shrugged and tried to keep casual. "You know. Drugs. Dancing. Boys in really short shorts..."

 

Zayn chuckled softly. "I think I like girls in short skirts more," he said with a shrug even as he was draping his legs over Niall's.

 

"Are we assuming napping position?" Niall smiled.

 

Zayn smiled back. "I'm hungry and tired, but also, I'm too lazy to get up." 

 

"It's ok," Niall said softly, "I really like cuddling with you."

 

~*~

 

Niall was relieved he hadn't heard anything from Ray. To him, that meant they were still on tonight, despite everything. This cheered him, even though he and Zayn had been suspended. That had made things hard on Zayn. "Just stay with me the whole week," he urged as they got off the bus.

 

"Yeah, I'll have to do that," Zayn said anxiously as they waited for the green lights to cross the street. "My father is going to fucking murder me if he finds out and my mother is going to sit and give me those long, disappointed looks." Zayn rubbed his temple. "They're going to send a letter, I'll have to get to it before my parents see it."

 

Niall sighed. "We'll figure it out. C'mon." He urged Zayn across the street and saw where the group of spoiled brats was waiting for them. Harry was there and Niall made a point of not hiding his eyes.

 

"Hey," Harry said in that slow drawl of his when they reached them. He looked at Niall with a dimply smile and greeted more specifically, “Hi, Niall."

 

Niall smiled. "So, let's go around back, yeah?" He knew they had to be far more careful on a prep school campus.

 

They went to the same spot as yesterday and Nicole was more or less plastered to Zayn's side, obviously interested, obviously flirting. Harry fell in step with Niall and said in a low voice, "Sorry about my father," he said. "I tried to make him hire you, but he wouldn't hear of it. I'm sure you have many talents."

 

Niall glanced up at him. "Oh, it's cool. I mean -- I have this, right?" he tried to laugh, but he was definitely watching how Zayn reacted to this girl.

 

Zayn was flirting back, because he was a teenage boy and this girl was beautiful. "There's this party tonight," Nicole said in a casual tone, "You should come and bring your product." Zayn hopped on the chance, knowing that a place full of filthy rich kids looking for fun would be the best place to sell. "Oh, I'll be there, jus text me the address." 

 

Niall tried to smile. It was just sort of hard since he knew that if Zayn was staying with him, that would mean Zayn would be bringing home girls and probably be having sex on the couch. That would make for a very dark week.

 

"You'll be there at the party as well, I assume?" Harry asked and loosened his stupid tie a little.

 

"Yeah!" Niall blurted compulsively.

 

When they got to their designated spot, it was like Christmas and Niall felt like Santa.

 

The business was quickly taken care of and Zayn felt a little elated with all the crash burning bright in his pocket. He sat down by some steps and he wasn't surprised when Nicole sat down next to him. When he lit a cigarette, she daringly plucked it from his lips and made a suggestive show of curling her own around it.

 

Meanwhile, Harry was trying to break the ice with Niall. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, Niall," he said.

 

Niall had been watching Zayn so intently, he'd almost forgotten about Harry. "Huh? Oh..." He quirked his lips. "Weird. You don't know me. You don't know anything about me."

 

"Still, I kind of want to know everything there is to know," Harry said with a dimply smile. "I feel like there's a lot more to you than meets the eye."

 

Niall frowned at him. "Look -- Harry, I don't know what sort of kick you get out of slumming it, but I'm not your type. She's your type.” He nodded at Nicole, who was flirting with Zayn and making Niall feel horribly uncomfortable in new ways. She was wearing her uniform skirt and she casually let it ride up, situating her exposed thigh so it was directly in Zayn’s field of vision.

 

Harry watched the scenario for a bit. "Nicole?" he said with a raised brow. "No, she isn't. And you can't tell me what my type is." He turned his gaze back on Niall. "I can't be interested based on our social differences? Is that what you're saying?"

 

Niall watched him out of the corner of his eye. "Yes." And, he wanted to mention, he knew Harry's father. Ray was very exacting about what kinds of people were allowed where and he didn't have much generosity for the 'lower people'.

 

"You can come to my place before the party," Nicole purred with a suggestive smile. "And we can have a small...afterparty."

 

Zayn lifted a brow. "I'll see what I can do," he said, placing a warm hand on her thigh.

 

"That is not true," said Harry, who had a bad response to Niall’s ‘yes’. "That's something my parents would drill in my head. I can like whoever I want to like."

 

Niall looked away from Zayn with a huff. "You sure seemed to like that girl you brought home the other night."

 

Harry smiled. "It wasn't anything serious," he said with a shrug, even though Chloe had yet to catch on; avoiding her and being a gentleman at the same time was exhausting. "Why are you so up the fence about me?"

 

Niall ran his eyes over Harry like he had to be joking. "You're a toff."

 

Harry gave a bit of a pout, offended. "You people have a twisted view on us," he said. "We're all just kids trying to find our place in this world."

 

"'You people'?" Niall snorted.

 

Harry smirked a bit. "Don't be offended now; you just called me a toff."

 

"You are," Niall insisted. "That _tie_..." He snorted at it. "Besides, how do you even know I'm into dudes?"

 

"I like to think you're into _me_ ," Harry said with a bit of a cocky smile, mostly to get a reaction out of Niall.

 

"You would like to think that," Niall rolled his eyes. He rather liked this -- he liked having a beautiful boy working his tail off to get a shred of his approval. He just wished it wasn't the son of the man with whom he was paid to have sex.

 

Harry grinned and leaned closer to Niall. "Don't judge me on my background, love," he said, "I'm sure we'll find lots of things in common if you put your guard down."

 

Too many things in common, in fact. "I'm not your 'love'," he said, somewhat tersely. Then he rose and went to Zayn. "You ready?" he asked, before Zayn's hand could slip too high up on Nicole's thigh.

 

Nicole gave Niall a bit of a look for interrupting and Zayn reluctantly retracted his hand, getting to his feet. "Yeah. I'll call you," he said to Nicole.

 

 Nicole got to her feet and gave Zayn a hug, purposefully pressing her soft curves against him. "You better," she whispered in his ear and pulled away.

 

"See you tonight, love," Harry called after Niall with a smirk, putting pressure on the 'love'.

 

Niall hurried Zayn off the premises. "I can't go tonight," he said, a little stiffly.

 

"What-why?" Zayn asked, snapping out of the dirty thoughts he had of Nicole to stare at Niall.

 

Niall gave him a look -- how could he have forgotten?

 

Zayn's eyes widened in realization. "Oh," he said, blinking, "Shit, I'm not sure I want to mingle with rich kids on my own."

 

"No. No, you go and have fun," Niall said, pretending not to feel incredibly lonely about the whole thing. "You really fancy Nicole, huh?"

 

"She's hot, yeah?" Zayn said with a grin as they reached the bus stop and sat down on the bench. "And hey, it's never fun for me when you aren't there," he said truthfully. When Niall was there, at least he didn't have to make all the awkward small-talk shit.

 

"Well, you can't miss it. Think of all the connections you'll make. Even more money," Niall smiled.

 

"Yeah but...I want you to be there," he said. "Kids like this throw a party every day. There'll be more parties."

 

"Zayn," Niall sighed. "Go. Make some excuse for me. Get your rocks off with Natty Nicole. Just don't tell me about it."

 

Zayn frowned. "Why? Is there something wrong?" 

 

"No, I just..." Never, ever want to hear about you having sex with someone else. "I mean, you know."

 

"Why?" Zayn asked more insistently. “Because it grosses you out or

what?"

 

"No, I just -- I mean, you don't want to hear about me having sex, do you?"

 

"Yeah, but that's because it's with that sick bastard," Zayn said. "It's different. If it was something else, I wouldn't mind hearing about it.

 

Niall looked at his hands. "It doesn't matter. Just forget about it."

 

"It does," Zayn said firmly. "Seriously, Niall, if there's something wrong, then spit it out. We don't do this 'forget about it', remember?"

 

"Just -- it doesn't matter, so back off, ok?" Niall asked, his voice going steely.

 

Zayn stared at Niall a bit startled. "What's got your panties in a twist? Is it that stupid curly kid?"

 

"No, it's -- Just drop it," Niall said, hurrying onto the bus as soon as it arrived, wishing it would take him somewhere his humiliation wasn’t.

 

Zayn stalked after Niall with a frown, sitting down next to him. He was silent for a moment as the bus began to move again. He glanced at Niall and softly reached out, stroking the back of his neck. "Sorry," he said softly, he had an idea that he'd done something wrong even though he couldn't imagine what. 

 

Niall's mouth pulled down at the corners hard. He didn't like what was happening to him. He didn't like that he was madly in love with the wrong person. He slouched in the seat, away from Zayn's hand and looked out the window.

 

Zayn couldn't deal with a sad Niall, he just fucking couldn't. He leaned into Niall and pushed his face into his neck. "Come on, babe," he said softly against his skin. "I'll come home early and make you those chocolate chip cookies you die for." He smiled against Niall's skin, peeking up at him. "How does that sound? We can watch movies till the sun comes up, because we don't have school. Fuck yeah, right?"

 

"When you talk like that, you sound like you're my boyfriend," Niall said, closing his eyes and wincing at what the reaction might be.

 

Zayn paused for a moment. "We're best friends," he said then, "We ride together, we die together, brothers for life, remember?" he said, reciting what they used to do every day back in middle school, grinning obliviously.

 

Niall took a deep breath. It wasn't fair to alienate Zayn just for being... loveable. Niall turned away from the window and tried to smile at him. "Yeah... But you should go to the party tonight. You'll be fine. And Nicole's hot," he choked out.

 

"Fuck that party," Zayn said, suddenly convinced that the reason Niall was sad was because he had to do what he had to do while Zayn was going to party with obnoxious, rich kids. "Bros before hoes," he said and ruffled Niall's hair. "We’ll do it together another time. I'll be at home, waiting for you when you come back, yeah?"

 

Niall would really like that -- to come home and see Zayn, preferably curled up in bed, ready for cuddles. "Ok," he said softly.

 

Zayn beamed and smacked a kiss against Niall's cheek before dropping his head on his shoulder, yawning. "Wake me when we reach our stop," he said, closing his eyes, hoping to get in a little nap.

 

~*~

 

Going up the stairs to Ray's room, Niall couldn't get Harry and Zayn out of his head. He slunk into the bedroom and gave him a shaky, uncertain smile.

 

Ray was wearing an unreadable expression, watching Niall. He patted the spot next to him without a word.

 

Niall swallowed. He was scared. He went to the bed and sat stiffly.

 

Ray slowly brought a hand up and curled it around the back of Niall's neck. "Help?" he said, voice low. "You couldn't come up with anything better?" 

 

Niall dropped his chin to his chest. "I had no idea I would run into him. It just came out. I'm so sorry..."

 

Ray let out a low hum and gave Niall a small squeeze. "Be more careful next time,” he said before pulling out a small plastic bag sitting just under the bed and handed it to Niall. "Be a good boy and put on what's in this bag for Daddy," he said, stroking down Niall's bag as he handed it to him. "In the bathroom."

 

Niall nodded, feeling such strange comfort in being given direction. He went into the bathroom and opened the bag, dropping what was inside on the counter.

 

Ray waited impatiently, slowly unbuttoning his own shirt and unbuckling his pants. When Niall stepped out awkwardly wearing a pair of small knickers and nothing more, hot arousal burned in Ray's gut as he let his lustful eyes leer over the young boy. "Did you put on the cologne?" Ray asked in a voice a bit breathless.

 

Niall nodded, feeling awfully exposed in those tiny shorts. The cologne triggered something in his mind, but he couldn’t exactly place it. "Yes, sir."

 

"Come to Daddy," Ray said and beckoned him over. "You've been a bad boy."

 

Niall hurried across the carpet where he curled up neatly on the bed next to Ray. He felt his arse falling out of the knickers, feeling more naked than if he wore nothing.

 

Ray's mouth was practically watering as he leaned down and put his face against the back of Niall's neck, breathing him in and he groaned, low in his throat as that beautiful, sweet, familiar scent washed over him. If he closed his eyes as his huge paw groped Niall's pretty ass, he could pretend it was someone else, someone much closer to him. He had never been so hard, so fast in the months he'd had this thing going with Niall and he quickly stripped out of his expensive clothes. "What happens to bad boys? What does Daddy do with them?" he asked in a voice thick with lust, his hand feeling Niall's pretty body up.

 

"You spank them," Niall panted softly, feeling his hole start to wink in anticipation of what was to come.

 

"That's right," Ray growled, his hand massaging Niall's plush, milky ass. "They get punished." He lifted his hand gave Niall's ass a series of quick, sharp smacks that made the white blossom an angry red and all the while doing it, he imagined that he could discipline his disobedient, ungrateful son the same way. The image made his cock swell harder, standing rock hard against his belly.

 

Niall noticed Ray's arousal. He could only assume it was the shorts. When his ass started to really sting, he sang a soft mewl of, "Please, daddy..."

 

"Please, daddy what?" Ray asked patiently as he stroked over the abused, reddened skin, staring.

 

Niall's hips started to rock and he gasped, "Touch me..."

 

Ray curled his fingers around Niall's hips and pulled so his barely covered ass was in the air. Ray could see the little, slutty hole twitching eagerly through the thin material. "You want Daddy to fuck you in those, don't you, baby boy?"

 

"Yes," he panted. "Yes, please, daddy, fuck me in my knickers..." The soft material against his straining flesh was making him burn and his cock was hard and leaking.

 

Ray groaned and pulled the knickers aside, exposing Niall's crack and he dragged a long finger along it. "Such a pretty little hole," he said and he knew, he knew that Harry's would be prettier, would be tighter even, because Harry always topped when he brought those loud boys and girls to his room. 

 

Niall whimpered and said what he knew Ray needed to hear, "Please, daddy, fuck me..."

 

Ray didn't need to hear more, he prepped Niall too fast and not with enough lube before he rolled a condom over his cock and holding the flimsy, lace knickers aside, he pushed into Niall's twitching, red hole, grunting and heaving. Niall's tiny body was nearly completely hidden under Ray's larger one.

 

Niall gripped the comforter and cried out. "Daddy--!!" He knew he wouldn't be sitting down for weeks after this and his whimpers were genuine.

 

Niall's cries only spurred Ray further on and he fucked into Niall like he was on a mission, hips snapping furiously. "You're such a little slut," Ray growled. "You love this, don't you? Love my weight on top of you, holding you down. You love my cock."

 

To a certain degree, Niall did. It fulfilled all sorts of needs he didn't want to admit he had. "Egh! Yes," he whimpered. "It's so big, it hurts," he gasped.

 

Ray worked atop of him, sweat beards forming along his hairlines, harsh breath leaving his mouth and if he concentrated hard enough, he saw who he wanted to see underneath and heard the voice he wanted. His orgasm hits him as a surprise and he fucked into Niall through the aftershocks, grunting and moaning deep in his throat.

 

Niall had his head thrown back and was gasping in harsh groans. He was trembling and his cock was still hard, straining against the delicate material of the shorts.

 

Ray slowly pulled out once he had caught his breath and his vision cleared. He rolled off the filled, wet condom and looked down at Niall who looked so terribly beautiful and lewd with his legs still spread, the flimsy material in the front wet and straining against his hard cock. "Sit up, baby boy," he ordered, groping up Niall's warm thigh.

 

Niall grunted and tried to do as he was told, but he couldn't sit properly on his battered hole.

 

Ray tutted in disapproval but allowed Niall to lie on his back as he said, "Play with yourself; don't touch your cock, only your hole.” He sat over Niall and stroking down his warm, pale skin. "Put on a show for me."

 

Niall winced. His hole was so sore and his cock was so needy. He lifted himself back against the headboard as best as he could and gingerly reached down. His hole was sensitive to the touch, but he closed his eyes and gently stroked over it. He imagined what would be nice right now -- someone to touch him lovingly, probably. Someone gentle, someone beautiful. And damn it all if all he could think of was Zayn. He felt himself relax somewhat at the thought, of what it would be like to go home, to curl into bed with him and have his friend so gently pet him and touch him -- like this. The whimper he let out was sweet, happy.

 

Ray sat back and watched intently, licking his lips at how wrecked Niall's hole looked; red, wet and used. "Good boy," he hummed, "Go on. Use your fingers."

 

Niall pushed inside himself and let out a 'grk' of pain. But his imagination saved him again, in his mind’s eye, seeing how Zayn would give him a soft smile, then lean over and kiss him. That made Niall's mouth open in a soft sigh.

 

Ray got off on watching Niall's face vacillate between pleasure and pain, watching those pale-pink lips, because he just had to use his imagination hard enough and he'd see fuller lips, redder and he knew what his boy sounded like when he got off. Ray found himself getting lost in those thoughts, nearly forgetting about the young boy sitting before him. He shook his head to get rid of them somewhat and he scooted closer to Niall, putting his hands on the inside of Niall's thighs, spreading them further apart. "What are you thinking about?" he asked, watching Niall's face closely.

 

"A boy," Niall panted, smoothing his hand over his hole the way he imagined Zayn would if he knew Niall was sore there.

 

Ray's eyes clouded over. "What?" he asked in a low growl.

 

Niall's eyes opened. "What?"

 

Ray grabbed Niall's chin and tilted his face to his, his expression displeased, "You're thinking about a _boy_ when I'm right here?" 

 

"Sorry, daddy, I won't do it again," he whispered breathlessly

 

Ray stroked down Niall's flushed cheek. "You're Daddy's, understand?" he said in a misleading gentle voice.

 

"Yes, Daddy," Niall said, his eyes down, just enduring.

 

"Good boy," Ray praised, pressing a kiss into Niall's temple. Without warning, he slid a hand between Niall's legs and pushed a long finger into him, knocking against his spot.

 

The pain/pleasure combo blew Niall's mind and he clung to Ray's shoulders, pushing back on his finger. "GAH!"

 

Ray smirked and pushed another finger along his first one, pushing them against that spot that made Niall tremble. "You want to come tonight, boy? You want Daddy to press into your little boy spot till you come?"

 

"Yes," he mewled. No, he wanted Zayn to do it. He wanted Zayn to kiss him and press into his spot and make him come, but since that wasn't going to happen....

 

"Yes, what?" Ray asked, stopping the movement of his fingers.

 

"Yes, please Daddy," Niall said, tucking himself against Ray's shoulder.

 

Ray curled his fingers around Niall's slim hip and began fingering him slowly, steadily picking up pace and whispering filth in Niall's ear.

 

Niall pawed at his chest, feeling himself get so hot he knew he couldn't hold off much longer. "Touch my dick! Please, daddy, touch my dick!"

 

"No," Ray said firmly, massaging that sweet spot inside of Niall. "You'll have to learn to come without touching your dick, boy."

 

Niall closed his eyes and pressed his face into Ray's shoulder, seeing Zayn, feeling Zayn stroking him like this. "Yes! Yes!" When he came, it was one of the best orgasms Niall had had in weeks.

 

"Such a good boy," Ray said with traces of proudness in his voice and he kissed Niall's temple. "My good little boy." He let Niall catch his breath before patting him on the thigh. "Go clean up, be quick."

 

Niall could barely move. He was a shambles just trying to get to the bathroom. Aching, he put on his clothes before appearing again in the bedroom.

 

Ray handed him a heavy, thick envelope and patted him gently on the ass. "You know your way out."


	3. Chapter 3

Zayn had fallen asleep on the couch in the living room by the time Niall made it back to the flat. His hipster-glasses were askew on his face, sprawled in a slightly odd angle. In his lap were his trusted sketchbook and he was surrounded by sketchpad papers with failed attempts at the design of the tattoo they'd talked about a few days ago. He'd given up on some point so on the opened page was a funny small drawing of him and Niall as superheroes.

 

The sight made Niall so happy he nearly cried. He carefully took away the sketchbook and the pencils. Then he got a blanket and curled up against him, trying not to wake him, and covering him with the blanket.

 

Zayn jolted awake nonetheless and blinked sleepily at Niall. "Hi," he said with a soft smile.

 

"Sorry," Niall whispered, "I was trying to be sneaky."

 

"No, it's alright," Zayn said and gently stroked Niall's hair. "You ok?"

 

Niall nodded into his shoulder. "I'm sorry you didn't get to go to your party..."

 

Zayn sat up then, eyes bright as if remembering something. "I got us something," he said with a nearly giddy grin. "You too tired?" he added, always considerate and thoughtful.

 

"No," Niall smiled.

 

"Ok, be right back," Zayn got up from the couch and disappeared for a moment or two before re-appearing with a bottle of champagne in one hand and champagne flutes in the other. "I thought we should celebrate," he said with a grin. "And what better way to celebrate than with champagne? Oh and I ordered pizza. It's probably cold, but it's still pizza."

 

Niall laughed, so happy. "I love you, Zayn," just burst out of him, because nothing in the world was more true in that moment.

 

Zayn beamed back. "I love you too, bro," he said easily and poured them both some champagne. He handed one to Niall and held his flute glass up and said, "Thank God for stupid, rich kids."

 

"Amen," Niall said, then took a healthy sip. "Maybe we won't even have to finish school if this goes well."

 

Zayn laughed. "Fuck, I wish," he said, because he knew that his parents would never allow that. "But, hey, we could travel! This summer! Get out of this shit hole and just experience the world, together."

 

Niall nearly went through the roof. "That would be great! We could go to Spain!"

 

"Portugal!" Zayn said, elated. "France! Italy! Anywhere!"

 

Niall got so excited he crawled up in Zayn's lap. "We could go to Venice and do the boat thing!"

 

Zayn was just as excited and he put a hand on Niall's hip. "Yes! Or, or we could go to Amsterdam, I've seen pictures and it's really pretty! Or we could go to Berlin!"

 

Niall smiled up at him, the fantasy alone elating him. "We have to be careful. If we get caught on a big campus, that's a big deal."

 

"I know," Zayn said grinning. "Be a babe and get us the pizza from the kitchen. I'm starving."

 

Niall kissed his cheek, then did as he was bade. The pizza was cold, but Niall didn't care. He sat down next to Zayn very closely, wanting very much to get into his lap again, but not daring risk it.

 

Zayn took a slice and bit into it, moaning a bit, because fuck yea, pizza. "Do you still want to get tattoos together?" he asked.

 

"Yes," Niall said. "I saw your drawings. They're really good." He shifted and, damnably, he moved in exactly the wrong way. Pain flashed across his face and he settled back into the couch until it passed.

 

Worried, Zayn leaned into him and gently touched his arm. "Jesus," he muttered, "can't that shithead be a bit gentle for once?" 

 

"He doesn't get off on gentle," Niall said, staring until he felt safe to move again. "He made me come tonight...." Clearly, Niall didn't know how to feel about that.

 

Zayn moved closer and gently patted down his shoulders. He hated this, fuck, he hated that Niall had to do this. "I thought you couldn't get off with him," he asked cautiously, rubbing gently down Niall's arm.

 

"I don't, usually. I really had to use my imagination," he dared.

 

"Yeah? What did you think about?" Zayn asked curiously.

 

"Pfft, you don't want to know," Niall tried to laugh it off. But he wanted to answer, honestly. "I thought about someone who loved me," he said, the corners of his mouth tugging down briefly.

 

Zayn stared at Niall. "Loved you?" he repeated, a bit worried. "Who? Where is that person now?" He knew everything there was to know about Niall, so of course he knew there hadn't been anyone special in Niall's life. Except if Niall had kept someone secret.

 

"It was just fantasy -- fantasizing that someone loved me like that. Just," Niall shrugged, fearing he'd given too much away, "you know -- daydreams."

 

"You're very lovable," Zayn said, looking at Niall with a soft smile. "You're going to find someone, some day that'll sweep you off your feet and make you giggle till your belly hurts...everything is shit right now," Zayn said, looking down at his fingers, "but things will be okay someday. I want to believe that."

 

Niall felt tears well in his eyes, but he fought them off hard -- still he lost. "I should go shower," he said, not wanting his friend to see.

 

Zayn heard the tears in Niall's voice before he saw them and it broke his heart. He swiftly got to his feet when Niall tried to walk away and hugged him from behind, wishing he could somehow take away whatever pain Niall was feeling. 

 

Niall snorted a big, gooey snort and let Zayn hold him a little bit. "Sorry... I should really shower. I'm gross." He hadn't even finished his pizza.

 

Zayn felt sad and frustrated and powerless because he couldn't do anything to make Niall smile and it was killing him. "Ok," he said softly and slowly released him. 

 

Niall gave him a smile. In the shower, he cried and cried until he had managed to collect himself. Once clean and exhausted, he limped out of the bathroom and smiled at Zayn on the sofa -- an actual, happy smile.

 

Zayn had been sitting and staring into thin space the whole time and once Niall returned, he looked up and returned the smile. He could see how red Niall's eyes were and he opened his arms wide in an invitation,

 

Niall took that invitation hard. He pressed into Zayn's arms, basking in the comfort of him. "I love you," he said again.

 

Zayn wrapped his arms around Niall and tucked him into his body, fitting him just right and kissed the top of his head softly. "I love you too, babe."

 

Niall knew that the day was going to come when he had to tell Zayn exactly what he meant when he said that. Perhaps not tonight, but that day was coming soon, and when it did, Niall knew his chances of losing his love were high. "What do you want to do tomorrow?"

 

"Whatever you'd like," Zayn said replied and gently played with Niall's damp hair. 

 

"Sleep in," Niall smiled, cuddling into his neck.

 

"I can work with that," Zayn said and nuzzled Niall back.

~*~

 

Zayn was woken up by the insistent sound of his phone ringing. He would have curled firmer against the warm body next to him, but the ringtone was eerily familiar. It took two seconds before Zayn let out a "Shit!" and scrambled out of his bed, grabbing his phone before it stopped ringing and took it. "Hi, Abbu-jan," he said nervously.

 

"Zayn," his father said in a slow, controlled voice. "Where are you?"

 

"Uhm, I'm at school?" Zayn lied. "Why?" It had barely left his lips before he realized that his father knew he wasn't.

 

"I want you home," his father said in a low, warning voice. "You have ten minutes." And the line went dead. Zayn stared at it and he could see his life flashing before his eyes; he was so dead.

 

"Oh, shit," Niall said, having been awoken by the ruckus. "You ok?"

 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Zayn ranted as he began tugging on his clothes that were strewn everywhere in the room. "He knows," he said in a small voice, because he knew how angry his father probably was.

 

"Your dad?" Niall panicked. "What does he know?"

 

Zayn stopped as a new flash of panic hit him; there's no way his father would know about the drugs, right? "School? Fuck, I think he knows about school," he said, staring at Niall. "It can't be anything else! Fuck!" Zayn grabbed his beanie and pulled it over his bed hair. "I'm so screwed." In his haste, he knocked his pinky into the dresser and he cursed out loudly, hopping around awkwardly. "Fuck this!"

 

"Let me know if I can help," Niall said, frantic. "Look, I'll take care of all our sales today, ok? Don't worry about it. Just text me and keep me abreast. We'll get through this, it'll be ok." He watched Zayn scurry around, clearly freaking out. "Zayn, look at me!" Niall made the other boy face him. "We'll get through this," he said, sincerely.

 

Right now, Zayn couldn't be hopeful. He could already see his parents sitting in the living room, waiting for him with twin expressions of doom. He just shook his head. "I'll try to contact you," he muttered and found his shoes under the bed, pulling them on hastily. 

 

"Ok. I'm gonna check on you at 4 o'clock, ok? If I don't hear from you?"

 

Zayn paused in the door and gave Niall a crooked smile. "Yeah," he said, heart pounding in apprehension. 

 

"Love you," Niall said, encouragingly, knowing deep down, he would always look after Zayn.

 

"Love you too," Zayn said and he was gone.

 

Niall winced. But then he hurried through his soreness and got dressed. He raced from the apartment and went to Zayn's greenhouse, relieved to see the safety features were still in place and that nothing had been tampered with. He picked the ripe buds and prepared the baggies for his new clients, then waited for lunch so he could sneak onto the premises.

 

~*~

 

"You're going to love it, Tomlinson," Harry said as he, Nicole, and Louis Tomlinson walked across campus. "It's better than the product we got from Grimshaw." He grinned at his best friend who had just come back from an indulgent, impromptu visit to the Bahamas; seriously, the only one who'd do that in the middle of a school week was Louis Tomlinson.

 

Louis wrinkled his nose. "Grimshaw's stuff was bitter and it made me sad. Who's the new guy?"

 

"A cute blonde and his watchdog," Harry said with a smirk. "And hands off, the cute blonde is all mine."

 

"What do you mean?" Louis laughed. "You've known this guy a week and you haven't fucked him yet? Your gaydar off?"

 

"He's a bit of a challenge," Harry said with a brief roll of his eyes. "And I keep getting a murderous vibe from his friend."

 

"Well, you haven't had a challenge in a while," Louis grinned. "You sure he's not fucking his friend?"

 

"I don't think so. Pining after a straight boy, maybe," Harry said. "Tragic, really."

 

"Ouch," Louis snorted. "Burn." When they got to the front steps, they saw Niall leaning against a tree, trying to blend in.

 

"Cute, right?" Harry asked with a smile.

 

Nicole didn't even bother to mask the clear disappointment when she saw Zayn nowhere in sight.

 

"Where is Zayn?" she asked Niall.

 

"He had other business. How was your party?" Niall couldn't help but feel smug that Zayn stood her up for him.

 

"Fine," Nicole said dismissively and looked away.

 

"Not as good as it could have been," Harry said, stepping forward, all curly and dimply and handsome in his school uniform. "Why didn't you come, love?"

 

Niall bristled at the 'love'. "We were busy. Hi," he said, trying to smile for Louis. Louis, privileged and oblivious, shook his hand and just said to Harry, "He's cute."

 

"Very much so," Harry said and smiled at Niall. "This is Louis."

 

Niall was not looking pleased about this whole thing. "Hello. I'm Niall."

 

"So," Louis said, "my parents got me a townhouse just a few blocks from here. Maybe we could go there and smoke and I'll see if I can hook you up with my friends over at Mayburry prep."

 

Niall tried not to levitate at that possibility. They would have to step up production in a major way -- and it would be fantastic. "Alright," he said, trying to seem bored.

 

"Let's go then," Harry said and fell into step with Niall, creeping into his space as they walked the short distance to Louis' apartment. "Has your attitude towards me not softened at all, love?"

 

"It doesn't help that I told you not to call me that and you still do it," Niall said stiffly.

 

"I like calling you that," Harry said with a smile. "It suits you."

 

"I'm not your love and I don't like it," Niall said, firmly. "It's not cute and I'm not amused."

 

Behind them, Louis lifted his eyebrows at Nicole and muttered, "Holy shit. Tough nut."

 

"You could be my love," Harry said in a low drawl, "if you just gave me a chance."

 

Nicole rolled her eyes, pulling out her phone and sending Zayn a text. "Zayn grows it himself," she told Louis, like a proud girlfriend.

 

"And I'm telling you, I don't want to be your love and I won't give you a chance. So back off." He didn't want to scare Harry off as a customer, but he could only imagine what Ray would think if he knew Harry and Niall were seeing each other.

 

Harry hadn't encountered anyone who so blatantly rejected him; they always came around and it usually never took very long. "You're judgmental," Harry concluded.

 

Niall sighed and slowed, letting Louis and Nicole pass them. "I'm not. Look, I'm just not interested in you, ok?"

 

"I don't believe that," Harry said, walking close to Niall and looking him directly in the eyes. "Are you saying you aren't the tiniest bit interested? Not even a hint? You've never thought of me like that? Wondered what it's like to kiss me?"

 

Niall looked away. "Now you're just harassing me and I don't like it. No one ever tell you no means no?"

 

"Hey, lovebirds!" Louis called from what was clearly an incredibly posh condo. "Today, yeah?"

 

"He's straight," Harry said without thinking and realizing that he'd fucked up, he turned and walked to catch up to Louis and Nicole.

 

"What?" Niall asked, momentarily confused. When it started to dawn on him, he said, "WHAT!?"

 

"What 'what'?" Harry asked, playing dumb.

 

"What the fuck did you mean by that?"

 

"Harry," Louis said warily, eyeing them as he turned the key in the lock, "did you fuck everything up? I really want to try this weed."

 

"I didn't say anything wrong," Harry said with a shrug and gave Niall a raised brow. "Do you want a life-long business connection, or what?"

 

Niall stood awkwardly in the doorway as the other three kids entered. He peered inside at the white tile, the smooth hardwood, the designer furniture and he hesitated.

 

"Come and hang with us," Harry insisted simply, "and you'll make connections that won't just benefit you now, but for the rest of your life. Do you understand that?"

 

Toeing his shoes off at the door and hoping no one would notice, Niall muttered, "Yes."

 

"GOOD!" Louis roared, grateful that the awkwardness was over. "Now get your ass in here and roll us a spliff!"

 

They settled in Louis' living room. Harry watched Niall roll the joint expertly and quickly, smiling, because he actually liked the idea of Niall becoming one of them. 

 

Niall gave Louis the first hit, which Louis clearly appreciated. "Now, go slow, because I guarantee this is stronger than what you're used to."

 

Harry watched Louis slowly curl his lips around the joint and inhale, waiting for his reaction.

 

Louis gave it a few minutes, but when it hit, it hit him hard. "Oh.... Shit. Oh, fuck yes... Oh, shit...." He was blissed out of his mind. Niall smiled.

 

Harry laughed and plucked the joint from between Louis' fingers, taking a hit himself and let out a soft content sigh. "Does that kid really grow it himself?" Harry asked, reluctantly impressed.

 

"Yeah. He's amazing. All his plants are huge -- prehistoric, he's so good at growing 'em."

 

Harry nodded slowly as he passed the joint to Nicole, feeling a pang of annoyance and maybe even jealousy. "You guys should probably look out for Grimshaw," Harry said, tilting his face a bit as he relaxed against the plushy couch. "He's a bit ruthless and he's not going to be happy about this."

 

"What's he look like?" Niall asked, accepting the joint from Nicole and enjoying a hit.

 

"Tall, weird hairdo, slightly psychotic glint in the eyes," Harry leaned in to look at Niall. "And get this, he's filthy rich."

 

"Well, yeah, selling to you lot, I'm sure he is."

 

"No," Harry said, shaking his head. "Not like that. He's like us, he doesn't need to sell weed; he just does it because he gets some kind of kick out of it."

 

"Then he shouldn't mind passing it off," Niall said, reasonably. "Give us scuffy kids a chance for a change."

 

Louis laughed. "I actually like him. I like this kid!"

 

Harry chuckled breathlessly. "Yeah, but he's an entitled, spoiled rich kid," Harry smirked. "He'll probably confront you sooner than later."

 

"And if he does, are you lot going to back me? Or let him bloody me?"

 

Harry put his elbow against the armrest, resting his cheek on his knuckles and pretended to be thoughtful. "I don't know," he said, smirking at Niall. "After all, he's one of us, a toff as you so elegantly call us."

 

"But that bud, man--" Louis muttered. "Holy shit, that bud."

 

Harry had to agree with Louis; it was some truly magical stuff. "Alright," he said and looked at Niall. "We've got your back and when you have people like us behind you, then trust me, nobody can touch you."

 

Niall smiled, a dopey, dreamy smile. "Alright," he nodded. "Alright, sounds good. Thanks."

 

God, Niall was pretty. It was all Harry could think about as he smiled back at him. "There's the perfect place for you to sell," Harry said after taking a hit and passing it to Nicole. "It's Kenneth Lawrence’s birthday tomorrow night, he's throwing a huge party at his father's yacht and every private school in a few miles’ radius will be there. I can get you in."

 

"Yeah!" Niall said, his eyes going as wide as they could for as high as he was. "That would be great. Let me... let me check in with Zayn."

 

"He can't come," Harry said quickly and at Niall's expression he explained, "This is a huge thing and it's invitation only and everything. Only a select few can bring a plus one, so it'll have to be one of you."

 

Niall looked over at Nicole. "You can't get him in? As your plus-one?" Niall could be manipulative.

 

"I would if I could," Nicole said with a wistful sigh. "But I'm not one of the few who can." She looked at Harry. "Bring Zayn, Styles," she said. "After all, it's his product."

 

Harry nearly rolled his eyes. "No, I want to bring Niall," he said and smiled sweetly at the boy. "So, are you in?"

 

"Uhhh..." Niall was a better seller, but Zayn had that face that made all the girls go for it. "Let me ask Zayn."

 

"I don't see what there is to ask," Harry said with a lifted brow. "Everyone is going to be throwing around money that night, it's a golden opportunity."

 

"Because he might be a better person to send," Niall said reasonably, getting out his phone.

 

"Well, I'm not going to take him," Harry said and sat back. "He looks at me like I ran over his dog."

 

Niall shook his head, then dialed his phone, getting up and going onto the patio. "Hey," Niall said when the phone clicked into voicemail. "Zayn, call me ok? I'm getting worried about you. I'm with Harry; some guy named Louis took me to his place. Apparently there's this party -- every fucking prep school in town is going to be there and we can sell like fucking mad. Um. Harry wants to bring me, but I thought I'd see what you thought of that... so. Look, call me, alright? Love you..."

 

Inside, Louis lifted his eyebrow at Harry, delighting in him striking out.

 

“You should bring Zayn,” Nicole told Harry pointedly. “He’s a better seller.”

 

Louis lifted an eyebrow. "Is he? Or do you just want to fuck him?"

 

"He is," Nicole said. "And I want to sit on his face," she added unashamed.

 

Harry snorted. "Classy," he teased and earned a smack on the arm from Nicole. He looked up when Niall returned. "Well, that was fast," he said. "What did he say?"

 

"Left a message. He's in a meeting," Niall said, walking very slowly back to the sofa and sinking down on it gingerly.

 

"Meeting? What kind of meeting?" Nicole asked, trying to sound casual but obvious curiosity shining through.

 

"None of your business," Niall smirked at her. "Nosy. You're not his type."

 

Harry snorted at Nicole's shocked expression. "Then what is his type?" she sneered, offended.

 

"Wouldn't you like to know," Niall smirked. "You have a boyfriend?"

 

"Nicole can't make a boy stay for the life of her," Harry said then yelped when he got a hard smack from the girl. "You should be one to talk, Styles," she snapped, before turning back to Niall. "No, why?"

 

"Curious," Niall shrugged. "So you're all a lotta one night standers."

 

"Not me!" Louis crowed. "I'm looking for love!"

 

"What is love?" Harry asked in a dramatic voice that made Nicole giggle. "Something you'll never find with your attitude," she supplied.

 

"That makes two of us," Harry replied before turning to Niall. "Tell me what love is, Niall."

 

"I can't tell you," Niall snorted. "If you don't feel it, you just don't feel it."

 

"Holy shit, someone who actually talks fucking sense!" Louis said. "You two are heartless thugs," he pointed at his two friends. "Really, you have no souls."

 

"You don't sleep around?" Niall asked Louis.

 

"Serial monogamist," he shrugged. "Except I gotta be single for a while cause I just got my heart broke."

 

"See, that's why 'being in love' or whatever is overrated," Harry said. "It always ends in someone getting hurt."

 

Nicole chewed a bit on her lip. "I wouldn't mind being in love," she said with accompanied with a rare blush.

 

"Could you be more obvious who exactly you have in your mind?" Harry asked with a roll of his eyes.

 

"You don't believe in love, Harry?" Niall asked. "That you could love someone, body and soul? Want to be with him or her forever?"

 

Harry gazed at Niall for a moment. "How can I when I see first-hand how that supposed love fades with time leaving nothing but bitterness and resentment?" he asked, thinking of his own parents.

 

"You're right," Louis sassed. "So it's better to live a hollow and empty life for every second of it rather than undergo a brief moment of pain."

 

"Oh shut it. How is life empty just because you aren't in love?" 

 

"What? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?" Louis asked, wigging out in the extreme. "You just answered your question in the question, stupid!" Niall had to chuckle -- he liked Louis, too.

 

"I think I liked you better when you ran to the Bahamas because you were showing off for Liam on social media," Harry said with a roll of his eyes. "Go get us something to drink, Tomlinson, where are your manners?"

 

Louis grinned. "We are so not going back to class," he chortled as he rose and shuffled into the kitchen.

 

"Love is fantastic," Niall blurted. "Love is the best thing in the world. It's the only thing worth living for."

 

Harry looked at Niall and nonchalantly said, "What if you're in love but it's unrequited love? Isn't it the worst thing in the world? A curse rather than a blessing?"

 

"No," Niall said softly. "No. That's still good. You can love someone without needing anything in return. I mean, that's what real love is, isn't it? Loving someone regardless of... of... everything?" Niall sighed heavily. "I love a lot." The weed was making him overshare, but he couldn't stop.

 

As Niall talked there was something vulnerable and soft about him that Harry found absolutely breathtaking; he really wanted to kiss him. "The more you love, the more is the possibility of getting hurt."

 

"So?" Niall asked. "Being in love is the best feeling in the world. Better than being high. If I could sell that, I'd be richer than all of your families combined -- twenty times over."

 

"That's deep," Nicole spoke up from where she'd been occupied on her phone. Harry gave her a sharp look, before turning to Niall. "When you describe it like that, I can't help but be curious," he said with a crooked smile. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're in love." He knew better, he was absolutely sure that Niall was in love with his best friend, more now than ever.

 

Niall looked at him, shrugged, then was saved by Louis coming in, offering them all a wide variety of alcohol.

 

"You have to give me an answer by tonight--regarding the party," Harry said and poured himself a glass of cognac. "We need to find you some suitable clothes."

 

"What? These aren't suitable?" He'd been wearing the only pair of nice clothes he'd had for the last four days.

 

"No, love," Harry said with a smile. "It's a casino-themed party, nobody is going to take you seriously in that. You need a tailored designer tux."

 

"And you definitely need something done with that hair," Nicole said and wrinkled her nose a bit at the horribly done dye-job, the roots showing. "This is a big thing, you don't want to feel embarrassed."

 

"Oh. I don't have a tailor designed... anything." When Nicole spoke, his hands flew to his head. "Wh-- Hey! I work hard on my hair!"

 

"That's the problem, _you_ worked on it," she sighed and rolled her eyes. "My personal hair-dresser is coming by tomorrow afternoon. She works miracles and trust me, nothing can save you if not a miracle."

 

"I know you don't have a tailored tux," Harry said. "We're going out and shopping tomorrow." He smirked victoriously at Niall, "When we're done with you, you look just like a 'toff'."

 

"I can't afford that shit!" Niall barked, bordering on offended.

 

"Nobody is asking you to pay for anything," Harry said with a sweet smile. "We've got your back, remember?"

 

Niall looked at them all. "Wha-- Really?"

 

"Sure, why not," Nicole said with a shrug and a smile.

 

Harry gazed at Niall and gave him a wink. "You've just gotten yourself some powerful friends, Niall Horan."

 

Niall smiled at him, sort of shyly. "Thanks guys."

 

"No, I need you," Louis said, "to lighten up all this sticky cynicism these two emit. So, who're you in love with?"

 

"We've already talked too much about love," Harry said as he swiftly got to his feet and poured everyone a new round. "Come on, stand up everyone," he urged, smile dimply and charming. "Let's have a toast for new friendships."

 

Niall struggled to his feet. He held up his glass for the toast and poured it down his throat, feeling no pain -- except for Zayn. Where was he? He checked his phone.

 

After that toast and a few more glasses of expensive alcohol, everyone was giddy and laughing at everything and nothing. At some point, Niall decided it was time to get home no matter how much Harry urged him to just stay. "Come on, I'll give you a lift," Harry said while Niall was saying his goodbyes to Nicole and Louis, who both had gone in for a big hug, always touchy-feely when they were tipsy.

 

Niall extracted himself from Louis’ arms with no small amount of giggling. Louis was fast becoming his favorite person.

 

"I miss you already," Louis sighed into his neck.

 

"Alright, alright, alright," Niall chortled. "Off me. I'll see you soon."

 

"I miss you!" Louis cried, reaching for him as Niall left the house with Harry.

 

"He's cool."

 

Harry smiled. "He has his moments," he said with a light chuckle as they walked out into to the cold, fall evening. "My chauffeur should be here any minute," Harry said, glancing down the street for any sign of him. He'd called him a small five minutes ago.

 

Niall blinked. "Chauffer? No, seriously, man, I'll take the bus."

 

"What, why?" Harry asked, confused. "He'll take you right up to your home."

 

"I don't need a chauffer," Niall snorted.

 

"Don't worry, I'm coming with you," Harry said and before Niall could answer, Harry spotted the luxurious sedan turning the corner. "There he is!" The car rolled to a stop next to them and out stepped a tall, bald man in uniform.

 

"Evening, Master Harry," he greeted with a smile and opened the door into the passenger seat for him. Harry greeted him with a nod and grabbed Niall's wrist. "Come on!"

 

Niall got inside the car, suddenly worried that even the chauffer might recognize him. He kept his face down and gave Harry the address to give to the driver.

 

The chauffer looked a bit startled by the address, obviously surprised that Harry was venturing into such a neighborhood, but he nodded and began to drive. Harry settled back in the car and smiled at Niall. "Who is waiting for you at home, Niall?" he asked curiously. "Your parents? Do you have any siblings?"

 

Niall took a deep breath. "A sister. She's sick."

 

Harry saw the expression on Niall's face. "Oh...how sick is she?" he asked softly.

 

"Really, really.... The doctors don't think she has long. Any day she might slip into a coma."

 

"Oh that's...that's horrible," Harry said and softly put a hand over Niall's. "I'm sorry. Is she in the hospital?"

 

"Yeah," Niall took his hand away, "until I can't afford to keep her there anymore."

 

Harry frowned a bit. "You? Don't your parents pay the bill?" he asked, concerned.

 

Niall stared at the floor for a long time, quiet. Then he croaked, "No."

 

Harry was quiet for a long moment then he asked very softly, "Niall, where are your parents?"

 

"Dad left. Mom's nuts." The alcohol and weed was making him a little sleepy and he was tipping forward in the car.

 

Harry felt his heart go out to this boy and he wrapped his long arms around him, pulling him close. He almost didn't dare to ask, but did nonetheless, "How do you pay?"

 

"I find ways," Niall said, sort of dozing off on Harry's chest.

 

Harry softly stroked through Niall's hair, feeling guilty that he'd just wanted to fuck him the first night when he saw him. He sighed and let Niall fall asleep against him for the ten minutes until they reached their destination. Harry looked out of the tinted window at the dilapidated apartment building; he suddenly wanted to take Niall home and tuck him in his bed. Harry chewed on his lip, contemplating. 

 

When the car stopped, Niall woke slightly. "Shit. Sorry,” he said, clearly disoriented.

 

Harry didn't let go of Niall. "Hey, do you wanna come back to mine?" he asked. "There's plenty of room."

 

"Huh? No, I have to check on Zayn. It's weird he hasn't called me back by now."

 

"Are you sure?" Harry asked reluctant. "I can come up," he offered.

 

"No," Niall said firmly. "I'm sorry, Harry. We can't -- I mean, thanks. Thanks for the ride and introducing me to your friends."

 

Harry raised a brow. "I wasn't trying to get into your pants," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. Come to Louis' apartment around 11, alright?"

 

"Yeah," Niall nodded sleepily, trying to sober up. “'Night, Harry..." He tumbled from the car and felt the worry over his friend wake him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	4. Chapter 4

Niall hurried up to the room, "Zayn?"

 

The apartment was how Niall had left in the morning: cold, with no traces of Zayn.

 

"Shit," Niall hissed, beyond agitated, now. He immediately got on a bus and headed to Zayn's. Once there, he went behind the little house and threw rocks at Zayn's window.

 

Zayn was sitting on his bed and staring at the ceiling. As expected, his parents had been mad but more than that, they'd been disappointed and despite Zayn's protest, taken away his phone and computer and sent him to his room. His father had been hovering over him like a hawk all day, giving Zayn no chance of even thinking about sneaking out. He heard the rocks against his window and rushed over immediately. He saw Niall down there and anxiously looked towards the wide open door, he hadn't even been allowed to close the goddamn door. He opened the window. "Hey," he said with a soft smile.

 

"Hi!" Niall whispered up at him. "I got scared!"

 

Zayn glanced at the open door before turning back to Niall. "Sorry," he whispered. "It was bad. Really bad. They've taken away my phone."

 

"Can I come up?"

 

Zayn bit the inside of his cheek. His parents had had the audacity to call Niall a 'bad influence' which had made Zayn angry, made him say things he shouldn't say, which had only worsened his case ten-fold. "Probably not a good idea, babe," he said softly, keeping one eye on the door and listening if his father was on his way up to check on him.

 

"Then come down here and see me," Niall pleaded softly.

 

"I can't," Zayn said with a sad face. "He's gonna be here any minute and check if I'm still here."

 

Niall's face fell into a serious pout. "But... How can I see you?"

 

Zayn had no idea, things were looking pretty gloomy. "I...I'll call you through Waliyah's phone or something when things cool down, yeah?" Zayn leaned a bit over the window. "How did today go?"

 

Niall huffed. "Good." But he looked miserable. "I'm going to a party with Harry -- I thought maybe you should go instead, but it looks like you're not going anywhere for a while." Niall felt ill. He needed Zayn near him.

 

Zayn wanted to give Niall a hug and promise him he'd be out soon but he knew he'd fucked up when he'd talked back to his father for talking ill about Niall. "That's good, babe," he said with a soft smile. "New connections, yeah?" He couldn't say anything like 'sell more' in fear of his father hearing him. 

 

"Yeah, it's really good..." Niall shuffled. "How long...?"

 

Till you graduate, was what his father had said, but Zayn smiled. "Soon," was all he could offer. 

 

"Ok... Will you run away if it isn't soon?"

 

His father would forever hunt him, but Zayn grinned. "I'll run away," he said. "They can't hold me down forever."

 

"You'll run away?" His father's voice was so sudden and so close that Zayn let out an embarrassing sound, nearly falling out of the window at how badly he was startled.

 

Niall watched tensely from below, not knowing what was happening.

 

Zayn spun around, heart in his throat and gaped at his father who was staring him down with a stern glare. Zayn laughed nervously. "No, baba, I as just--It's just--" Zayn cast his gaze down, raking his brain for something to say. His father merely brushed past him and looked out of the window, down at the boy standing there. "Hello, Niall," he said with forced kindness.

 

"Hello, Mr. Malik," Niall replied.

 

"Zayn is grounded for the next many weeks," Mr. Malik said. “His mother and I would appreciate it if you respected our decision and stayed away for that time."

 

"Mr. Malik," Niall said, trying to sound as polite as he possibly could, "it isn't Zayn's fault. I was the one who yelled at Mrs. Hill. Zayn just got in trouble because he was the one I was trying to protect. It really isn't fair."

 

Zayn winced. Niall didn't know he was only making it worse. He stepped forward and pleaded, "Baba, please, just--" He was silenced with a look.

 

Mr. Malik turned back to Niall. "This is just more of the same improper behavior," he said and Zayn shrank a bit. "He isn't going to leave the house except when he's going to school. Go home, Niall, it's late."

 

"But -- why? This wasn't his fault!"

 

"Goodbye, Niall," Mr. Malik said in a voice of finality and closed the window. He turned to Zayn who was staring at the floor. "I don't want to see you around that kid anymore, Zayn," he said.

 

Zayn's jaw clenched. "He's my friend; he's my best friend," he said quietly, eyes still downcast, "and we go to school together, so I'm going to see him anyway."

 

"I don't want to see you with him outside of school," his father said impatiently, voice going low in that way it did when he was getting angry that Zayn was talking back. Zayn knew that it was best to shut up, so he didn't say anything, just walked to his bed, falling on it heavily. 

 

Niall stood outside the window for thirty minutes. In that time, he considered curling up outside of Zayn's flowerbed. He couldn't be away from him. He couldn't go back to that empty apartment all alone.

 

The thing with Zayn's father --and brown parents in general--was they never sugar-coated things for their children, they told them exactly what they thought of them and Zayn wasn't surprised that Zayn's father found him one big disappointment. Once his father had given him another long lecture, he retreated to the master bedroom, and Zayn went to the window, craving a cigarette like mad and feeling sad and crushed. He was surprised to see that Niall was still there. 

 

Niall was in a little ball, his head hanging between his knees. The idea that he may have lost his best friend had crumpled his frame.

 

Seeing Niall like that made Zayn's heart fall apart. "Hey, babe," he called softly, wanting more than anything to climb down the window. "Are you ok?"

 

Niall looked up at him, his face streaked with tears. "Am I not allowed to be your friend anymore?"

 

Zayn's natural instinct was to reach out and dry Niall's cheek and make him smile again. "He's just angry," he said, even though he knew his father had meant it. "He'll cool down." He smiled softly and said, "You'll be my friend till I fucking die."

 

"I want to be with you," Niall said, sincerely, really just wanting to be in the same room as Zayn, if nothing else. Hell, he'd settle for being in his back yard all night.

 

"Babe..." Zayn gave out a soft sigh, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He gestured for Niall to give him a second and he walked up to the door, listening. His mother and father were in their bedroom, talking in hushed voices; probably about their failure of a son. He took a deep breath and closed the door into his room, putting a chair up against it. He went back to the window. "Climb up," he told Niall, nodding to the tree that was situated by the girls' room. "Be quiet and careful, it can get slippery." They'd done this countless of times before.

 

Niall licked his lips and didn't hesitate. He flung himself against the tree and began to climb. Twice he slipped, but twice he caught himself. When he got to Zayn's window, he did so without a sound. He smiled at his friend warmly.

 

Zayn pulled Niall inside, hugging him tightly against him. "He might come back one last time before he goes to sleep," he told Niall softly. "Be ready to hide on a second's notice."

 

Niall nodded, but kept Zayn snug in his arms. "Sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have said anything. I should've just let you choke on a stupid math question. I didn't think your dad would get so mad."

 

"No, it's not your fault," Zayn said and stroked down Niall's back. "My grades are shit and the principal told him that I'm going to fail if I don't get my shit together. He went a bit nuts at that."

 

Niall sighed heavily. "I'll help you. We'll study together, I promise. I can help more with the business so you can study longer."

 

Zayn moved them to the bed, glancing at the door anxiously. "I'm just shit at school," he muttered with a shrug. "The only thing I'm good at is growing weed, but I guess I won't have a chance to do that anymore." He smiled bitterly.

 

"Why not?" Niall asked, his face going deathly pale.

 

Zayn shook his head and rubbed down his face. "My dad is going to be breathing down my neck for at least a week, and that is if I'm lucky."

 

"Zayn, we... I can't tell you how many sales I made, man." Niall clutched him, holding him close. "If we make as many connections as I think I can at this party, we will be set, Zayn -- I mean, get our own apartment, never answer to anyone again, _set_."

 

There's nothing in the world that sounded more tempting at the moment, but all Zayn could worry about was his parents' reaction. "Maybe if I get my grades up," he said with a deep sigh, "maybe my father won't be scrutinizing my every move."

 

Niall winced. "Will you write down for me everything I need to do? We can't have those plants failing -- I mean, we need more, Zayn..."

 

"I want to do this with you." Zayn chewed on his bottom lip, a moment then said, "This is all we've ever wanted and we're finally almost there..." He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "Tell me about today."

 

Niall curled up next to him and did just that in soft, bed-clothes tones. He told him about Louis, about spatting with Harry, about how Nicole was clearly in love with him. And he told him about the upcoming party and how much fun he thought it would be.

 

"Shit," Zayn said. "I want to be there so bad." He already knew how his Friday night looked: doing homework he didn't really understand with his father hovering over him. He sighed and rolled onto his side to look down at Niall. "Look at you, you've already made new friends, moved on from me," Zayn teased.

 

"Shut up," Niall socked him in the shoulder. "I can go on Friday, but after that... We're just gonna need more product."

 

Zayn nodded, contemplating. "I'll see what I can do.” He would have to find a way to sneak to the green house.

 

"Good," Niall smiled at him, facing him on the bed. He couldn't stop gazing at Zayn's eyes and marveling at how beautiful they were.

 

"It's rude staring, Horan," Zayn said with a smirk and teasingly fluttered his eyelashes.

 

Niall couldn't have resisted if he'd wanted to. He instinctively leaned in and took Zayn's lips in his own, feeling it was the most natural thing in the world.

 

Zayn's initial reaction was to freeze, then to pull back and stare at Niall. "What are you doing?" he asked, eyes wide and confused.

 

Niall's eyes fluttered open and he blinked at him. "Huh?"

 

"You kissed me," Zayn said slowly and clearly. His gaze flickered over Niall's face, in a loss of what to think, what to feel.

 

Niall swallowed and looked away. "Sorry," he barely more than whispered, unable to meet his eyes.

 

Zayn swallowed a bit, feeling an awkward air rising and he let out a chuckle. "Alright, heat of the moment kind of thing?" He blinked and laid flat down on his back. "Is it a thing, Niall? Where you blow me first then kiss me?"

 

"What? What do you mean?" He would really like to kiss him then blow him.

 

Zayn licked his lip and was silent for a moment. "It's weird," he said then, "I don't know--why did you kiss me?"

 

"I wanted to -- I'm sorry. I know you're not into dudes." _I'm madly in love with you_ just didn't have the right ring to it.

 

Zayn turned on his side and looked at Niall. "You wanted to?" he asked. "Just like you spontaneously wanted to suck my dick?"

 

Niall went pink. "Yeah," he shrugged.

 

The pieces were finally falling into place: why Niall had been so mad at him, why he would wither after Zayn had told him he'd found someone, why Niall had been so sad lately. "Fuck," he breathed out and stared at Niall. "Oh fucking hell--Niall, don't tell me that---that you’re..." Zayn couldn't say it out loud as if it would make it more true, a part of him was convinced that he'd maybe read wrongly into it.

 

Seeing Zayn's reaction -- one of utter panic and disgust made Niall immediately sit up and turn away. "Tch, no!" he scoffed, somewhat convincingly. "Don't be weird. You just -- You know how I get emotional sometimes."

 

Zayn knew and it would make things so much easier to believe that. "Oh," he said with unhidden relief. Then he chuckled softly and rubbed his face. "Sorry bro," he said, "I don't know where that thought came from." 

 

"Sorry," Niall said, feeling his heart dying. "I won't do it again." He would never in his life do it again. "I'll see you later, ok?" He rose, needing to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible.

 

Zayn grabbed Niall's hand before he could leave. "You can stay for the night," he said. He didn't want Niall to go back to that empty apartment. "And sneak out in the morning."

 

"No, it's cool," Niall said, unable to look at him. "I'll just see you soon, yeah?"

 

Zayn frowned a bit. "Come on, babe," he said and hooked his chin over Niall's shoulder. "I won't see you all day tomorrow."

 

Niall thought about it -- about staying curled up in Zayn's arms all night, breathing in the smell of him, of how much he loved and wanted that -- but the look of Zayn's disgust at the thought that Niall might love him was overwhelmingly hurtful and he needed to be alone. "I don't want to get you in more trouble. I'll just... catch you around," he said, climbing on the windowsill and considering how to manage the tree.

 

Zayn knew he'd fucked up and he went after Niall, grabbing his arm and halting him. "I'm not...I'm not mad that you kissed me or anything," Zayn said slowly, not sure where he was even going with this, all he knew was that he needed to erase the hurt from Niall's eyes. "...I...don't go?"

 

Niall's face looked sort of stony. "You looked like you'd rather drink menstrual blood than have me love you," he said bluntly.

 

Zayn's mouth opened in shock, "What? No!" He bodily pulled Niall in from the window as if afraid Niall would jump out of it. "I was just surprised! I would never be disgusted by you! I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear."

 

Niall just shook his head and looked away -- he'd seen it. "I'm gonna go, Zayn," he said, needing to get around him and get away.

 

"No," Zayn said simply, not budging. 

 

"Zayn," Niall huffed, "I don't want to spend the night with you. I want to be by myself right now."

 

That hurt, and Zayn's shoulder slumped a bit. "Ok," he muttered, looking away. "Sneak out through the front door, I think my parents have gone to sleep." 

 

Niall looked over his shoulder. "Ok." He nodded at Zayn a little detached. "Night." Then he turned and quietly departed.

 

~*~

 

When Niall got home, he didn't sleep. He spent the better part of an hour curled up at the bottom of his shower, letting the water pound him. When he emerged, he only bothered to put on a pair of shorts. He drank a quart of water, then went back to what he had been doing earlier: drinking and getting high. He hit the weed until the wee hours of the morning, watching cartoons when even his drug-addled mind started tipping precariously toward the melancholy that was going to eat him up. At five am, he adorned his carcass with clothing and stumbled out of the house, taking busses to the greenhouse.

 

Once there, he tended to the plants as lovingly as he could and even, in his less knowledgeable way, started trying to set up more pots for an expansion of the company.

 

Zayn didn't sleep for most of the night and when he slept, he slept poorly. He woke up early in the morning and the first thing he did was sneak into his little sisters' room and shake her awake. She was grumpy and angry but she did let him use her phone. The only number Zayn had memorized was Niall's so he snuck back into his room and called his friend.

 

Niall was just staring at the cannabis plants when his phone rang. He considered not answering. In fact, he picked it up on the last ring. "Hello."

 

"Hey, babe," Zayn said, sitting down on his bed. "Are you home?"

 

"No. This is your sister’s number."

 

"Yeah, I know, I had to borrow it," Zayn said. "You in the greenhouse?"

 

"Yeah," Niall said, surprised. "How could you tell?"

 

"I had a feeling," Zayn said with a smile, "Or maybe I just know you too well."

 

Niall scoffed softly, but said nothing.

 

Zayn chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, "Are you...okay?" he asked lamely. What he really wanted to do was apologize about last night.

 

Niall rubbed his face. He was still a little high. "Yeah."

 

"No, you aren't," Zayn said slowly. He took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "Fuck this, I'm coming."

 

"No, Zayn, don't -- I'm going to go spend the day with Amy."

 

"Aren't you getting ready for that super exclusive party?" Zayn asked, recalling what Niall had told him last night.

 

Niall stopped short. "Oh... That. I--" he huffed. "Yeah. I told them I’d meet them at eleven."

 

"Alright, I'm coming over, wait for me at the greenhouse."

 

"No, Zayn, just -- we'll talk later ok?" He needed some space.

 

"I'm sorry," Zayn said quietly and sincerely. "I really didn't mean to hurt you last night...fuck, Niall, you know I'd never be disgusted by you."

 

Niall didn't know that. That wasn't what he saw. He knew exactly what he saw. "Yeah. It's cool. I'll talk to you later." He hung up. The inner ache was just getting worse. Visiting hours weren't for another two hours, but Niall got on the bus all the same and went to the hospital.

 

Zayn stared at the phone for a moment, before he took a snap decision. He threw on random clothes, snuck back into his sister’s room and replaced the phone before he stealthily left the house, knowing his parents would probably murder him but right now, making things right with Niall meant more. He took the bus and went to the greenhouse. Upon discovering that Niall wasn't there, he cursed and took the bus to the hospital.

 

Niall was asleep in the waiting room, curled up across two bench seats.

 

Zayn watched him for a moment, before he simply curled up next to him, careful not to wake him and frowning upon smelling the weed on him. 

 

Niall woke as soon as he was touched. He blinked blearily at Zayn, then winced with a heavy sigh, as if the sight of him hurt. "Jesus," he groaned. "You can't take a hint, can you?"

 

"Apparently not," Zayn said and observed the dark rings under Niall's eyes, feeling a heavy weight of guilt. "Look, babe," he said softly, "please tell me what I can do to make everything alright?"

 

"I just wanna be left alone," Niall said, hunkering down in his hoodie.

 

Zayn bit down his lip briefly. They never needed space from each other, at least not like this. "You need some sleep," he said softly. "You...you know the nurses and doctors are already putting question marks on your lifestyle and you stink like weed. Let's go home."

 

"I came here to see my sister, Zayn," Niall said, losing his patience.

 

"Come back to her tomorrow or a bit later," Zayn said patiently. "All I'm saying is that you don't want her to smell marijuana on you, yeah?"

 

Niall winced -- no, he didn't. "Look..." he said softly. "I'll go home and change and have a nap. But you should go home, too."

 

"Yeah I should," Zayn said with a soft sigh. "But...I don't sleep well without you...you've kind of ruined napping for me," he muttered.

 

Niall was still stinging from the rejection. When he saw Zayn's face, all it did was bring that terrible recollection to the front of his mind: That half-sneer as if Niall's love smelled rotted. "You don't want your parents finding you gone."

 

"Yeah, but what can they do?" Zayn asked with a crooked smile. "They've already grounded me."

 

"They could send you to military school. They could move." But a new thought arrested Niall's mind. "Why does your dad hate me so much? Is it because I'm gay?" He had to wonder if part of that had been handed down to Zayn, even if subconsciously.

 

"No," Zayn said a little too quickly. The truth was, he'd suspected it even though his father had never said it out loud. "He doesn't hate you, Niall. He's just...mad at me for having shitty grades and he thinks it's because you have bad influence or whatever, but it has nothing to do with your sexuality."

 

Niall's eyes narrowed -- he wasn't sure about that. "Ok. Well, you should go home anyway. They may not have noticed you left yet."

 

Zayn stared at Niall for a  moment. "Ok," he said slowly, "If you're so adamant about getting rid of me."

 

"I'm not getting rid of you--" Niall huffed, irritated that Zayn couldn't understand this. "Do you know what your face looked like? When you thought I might be in love with you? Do you know what it looked like? It looked like this:" And he did his best impression of Zayn's expression. It wasn't nice at all.

 

The expression would have been comical under any other circumstances, but right then it was anything but. "I would never be disgusted by you being in love with me! I was shocked and surprised, that's all!" he spluttered and grabbed Niall's arm and stared him in the eyes. "Why would I even be disgusted? For fuck's sake, anyone who has your love is the luckiest person on earth!"

 

"You don't want me to love you," Niall said.

 

"I want you to love someone who loves you back," Zayn said after a moment's of silence.

 

That almost hurt more than the disgust. Disgust he could fight against, but a heart-felt rejection was just pure hopelessness. "Yeah," Niall said, his voice failing him. "I'd better go home, now." He rose and hunched his shoulders, trudging to the door.

 

Niall's face said it all and the truth that had been creeping under the denial surfaced. "You're in love with me," Zayn said, voice loud and clear in the empty room. 

 

"Yeah, so sue me," Niall retorted as he charged through the hospital doors, determined to get away.

 

Zayn didn't know what to do, what to think, the realization had barely dawned on him and all he could see was Niall walking away and it felt very much like he was walking away from their friendship. Zayn didn't even realized he'd moved before he'd grabbed Niall's arm and forcefully turned him around to face him. Then, out of pure impulse he leaned down and kissed him.

 

Niall shoved him off, hard. "What the fuck are you doing?"

 

"I have no fucking idea," Zayn breathed, eyes wide. "Trying out what it's like?" 

 

Niall shook his head 'no'. "I don't want to be your... experiment, Zayn. Just drop it, ok?"

 

"I'm so sorry, fuck--that was so out of line," Zayn said, shaking his head and looking away. "I'm sorry...I didn't know..." He took a deep breath and lifted his gaze to Niall. "...how long?"

 

"None of your business, Zayn, just let me go."

 

Zayn released him. "I'm sorry," he said softly, eyes wide and guilty. He rubbed the back of his neck, staring at his shoes. He hated this, things always were so easy with Niall, but now, he didn't even know what to say, how to act around him and it was killing him. "Call me," he said after a moment, "...if you still need space, I'll give you space."

 

Niall softened then. "Yeah. It's -- Look, I know it's not your fault, I just--" But the tears were threatening in a very real way and he just shook his head. "Talk to you later." He turned before the tears spilled down his cheeks and he marched resolutely to the bus stop, and thenceforth went home and cried in the shower until there was nothing left inside him. He went to his bedroom and collapsed on the bed. That was when he discovered he actually had more tears and he cried them out, too, until he was empty. When he awoke several hours later, he saw that Harry had called him once or twice. He wasn't interested in returning his calls. Instead, he went to visit Amy.

 

Amy had gotten a bit worse over the last few days, her body felt weaker and she didn't sleep well, even though she'd gotten sleeping pills and the nurses had done their best to help her. She looked smaller, tired and breakable. However, the sight of her brother made her lip curl up in a soft smile.

 

"Hey, beautiful," he smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "How you feeling?"

 

Niall told her about his make believe life, how happy it was, how fulfilling and fun. But as he was telling it, his mask started to crack.

 

Amy had seen something was off about Niall the minute he stepped in, but had stayed quiet, however, when she saw his carefully constructed cheery face start to crumble, she reached out and put a thin hand over his. "What is wrong, Ni?" she asked softly, her eyes big.

 

Niall sighed heavily. "I don't want to burden you with it." He covered his eyes which were tearing up again.

 

"No, no, tell me," she whispered and struggled to sit up so she could hug him, but all she achieved was falling back against the hospital bed, too weak. 

 

Niall lifted himself so he was in reach of her and he put her sweet little hands on his face. "Well... I've... I mean, I've been in love wtih Zayn for a while, now. I suppose you know that."

 

Amy stroked his cheeks softly and smiled. "It was very obvious," she said. "He found out?"

 

"Yeah and he -- well, it's not. I mean, it's not a match. Obviously." His tears trickled over her bony fingers. "It just hurts to have to hear it out loud."

 

Amy's face dropped and she feebly attempted to dry the tears from Niall's cheeks but new ones emerged. "I'm sorry, Ni," she said. "I...I'm surprised."

 

"Why?" Niall scoffed. "He's straight. Not only that, but he only likes girls in relationships."

 

Amy looked surprised. "Why?" she asked confused, "Why does he like girls in relationships?"

 

Niall winced, trying to put the breaks on his thoughts. "Hold on," he said, lifting a finger. "Can we go back a second? Why are you surprised that Zayn ... that it's not a match?"

 

Amy blinked slowly with her eyes that seemed too big in her thin face. "You know how when a girl and a boy are so close that people keep mistaking them for being boyfriend and girlfriend?" she asked with a soft smile. "That is you and Zayn. You remind me of the stupid teenagers who don't realize they are in love or in Zayn's case, are afraid of what that might mean."

 

Niall snorted. "Well, he's not gay. That's the--" Niall shrugged. "That's the long and short of it. We just met a girl that would be perfect for him, anyway."

 

Amy gently stroked over Niall's knuckles. "A girl in a relationship?" 

 

"No. But I told her about that. And she's determined, so I guarantee, at this party, she'll have some guy."

 

"He's not gay," Amy said, "but maybe he's bi?" Amy blinked slowly, in thought. "I think there's always one special exception for everyone."

 

Niall snorted at her. "Oh really? And where do you get this wisdom?"

 

Amy blushed a little. "I read a lot of books," she said simply.

 

"Dirty books?" Niall waggled his eyebrows.

 

Amy let out an embarrassing sound. "Niall!" she whined and hid her burning face behind her hands.

 

Niall laughed and ran his fingertips over the thin hair on her head. "I'm teasing you!" He laughed. "So what you're saying is, if I look hard enough, there's a girl out there for me?"

 

"In theory, yes," she said, "but I'm sure there's a lot of boys who want to be with you. Maybe if you get a boyfriend, Zayn will come running into your arms," she giggled softly.

 

"I thought of that. It's just stupid to chase after a straight boy. If I start playing games with him, I might lose him altogether. And that's... that's scary."

 

"Having him as your best friend is better than nothing, even though it probably seems hard right now. Just concentrate on yourself, Ni, take care of yourself."

 

Niall leaned in and kissed her forehead. "We'll be alright, huh? The two of us?"

 

Amy held onto Niall's hand and didn't say anything for a moment. "Yeah," she said and forced herself to smile, giving Niall's hand a soft squeeze.

 

~*~

 

Niall sat in the cool air, trying to think of anything but how much his heart hurt, how much of a fool he felt. But that only made his heart hurt more and he felt more foolish.

 

Harry had been calling Niall since lunch, but all he got in return was the voicemail. At the moment, he'd just finished his last class of the day and he decided to call him again, impatient.

 

"Hello?" Niall said, his heart lead.

 

"Not taking my phone calls is rude and hurtful, Niall," Harry said easily. "Now, haven't you forgotten something?"

 

Niall bristled. "I've had a shitty day. What?"

 

Harry raised a brow. "Then it's good that you're going to forget all about that shitty day because you're mingling with the rich crowd, tonight, remember?" 

 

"Yeah," Niall said softly, a little contrite at having snapped at him.

 

"I'm a bit disappointed that you don't sound excited at all," Harry said with a roll of his eyes as he settled in the backseat of the sedan. "Where are you? I can come and pick you up."

 

"At the bus stop outside St. Luke's."

 

Harry blinked, recognizing the hospital name. "I'll be there in ten." He gave his chauffeur the address and sat back, running a hand through his curls. 

 

Niall sat quietly and tried to brighten his mood -- it wasn't entirely effective, but he was more presentable.

 

The sedan pulled up in front of the bus stop and the chauffeur climbed off and opened the door for Niall. When Niall climbed in, Harry let his gaze slide over him and then said, "You look tired." He looked exhausted, skin paler than usual, hair a bit of a mess and dark rings under his blue eyes.

 

Niall glimpsed him. Then turned to look. "Fuck, mate, you look worse than me. What happened?"

 

"What?" Harry asked with a raised brow. He quickly gave the chauffeur Nicole's address. 

 

"You -- you look like your world fell apart. You ok?" It might've been the first time Niall actually looked at him longer than three seconds at a time. And his face wasn't the stony mask he usually presented -- he was genuinely concerned.

 

Harry quickly affected an air of nonchalance as he said, "Mom visited late last night--she and my dad were apparently having a screaming match till the fucking morning." Harry suppressed a grimace and shrugged like it was normal. "Parents, huh?" he said with a wry smile that didn't reach his eyes.

 

Niall flinched. There were times when he forgot who Harry's father was. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "My parents are... split, too. I know how it can be." Boy, did he. He also suspected it meant he would be getting a call from Mr. Styles soon.

 

Harry nodded slowly and looked out the window for a moment. "Mine aren't officially split which frankly can't understand. They're both fucked up anyways."

 

"How so?" Niall asked, perhaps selfishly wanting to glean insight.

 

"My mother doesn't have one maternal bone in her body," Harry said with a grimace, "and my father is one miserable man that puts on a mask every day. I don't know them at all; they might as well be strangers to me."

 

"Doesn't Louis let you stay over? When they fight?"

 

"Yeah, he does," Harry said with a shrug, "but didn't feel like going over last night."

 

"Oh. I'm sorry, Harry..." Then, he shyly reached out and put his hand on the other boy's.

 

Harry looked at Niall for a moment. "So, since I've poured my heart out to you, I expect something in return--tell me what made your day shitty."

 

Niall snorted and looked away, removing his hand. "Just... Got in a tiff with a friend is all."

 

"Yeah?" Harry raised a brow, "Let me guess--Zayn?"

 

Niall just shrugged. "Where are we going?"

 

Harry gave him a look, knowing that Niall was changing subject but he allowed it. "Nicole's house," he said and pulled out his phone, "and she's sent me 30 texts asking where you are. The stylist has apparently arrived and they are just waiting for you." Harry sent a quick text informing Nicole that they'd be there in 5 minutes.

 

"Oh!" They stopped in front of a beautiful two story brownstone, padded with well-kept hedges and an emerald green lawn. Niall hopped out of the car, nearly whacking the chauffer with the door when the man came to open it for him. After muttering a humble and embarrassed apology to the man who was trying not to grimace, Niall skip-stepped to catch up with Harry as he entered the house.

 

Harry lead Niall up the grand staircase and into Nicole's large room. Nicole was standing over her bed where countless of gorgeous gowns are strewn, in nothing but a robe and a green face-mask.

 

"There you are!" Nicole exclaimed when they entered and Harry pretended to have a heart-attack at her appearance. "You look like the creature from the black lagoon."

 

Niall was too busy looking at the house to be terribly startled by her appearance. He nearly walked into one of the posters in her bed because he was staring at a painting that was either worth a small fortune or was somebody’s drip mat done up in a frame.

 

Nicole scowled darkly at Harry. "Shut up, Styles," she sneered before turning to Niall. "There you are!" And then she turned and called, "Marie! He's here!" A tall, thin lady in a turtleneck and sharp features, hair up in a fancy do strolled in. She took one look at Niall and winced. "Oh poor boy," she said with noticeable accent, "who on earth has done that to your hair?" She moved forward and began prodding Niall's hair with disapproving sounds.

 

~*~

 

Niall felt like a damn fool. He looked at himself in the mirror and felt like he was playing dress-up. The fakeness of it grated at him. He was a liar. A fraud. He couldn't step outside.

 

"Niall, we don't have all day!" Nicole called impatiently. She looked herself in the mirror, adoring her own image; she looked gorgeous in a lace gown that hugged her curves all the right places. 

 

Niall shuffled out into the main hall, his eyes on the floor. "Let's go," he said, trying to melt through them all.

 

Harry had been in the middle of fixing his tie but looked up when Niall finally emerged and he was transfixed. His gaze slid up and down Niall's form in the expensive tux and his hair tousled to perfection. He looked better than anyone Harry had ever seen. "Oh...wow," Harry said, stunned. "You look...beautiful."

 

Niall blushed and ducked his head. "Thanks."

 

"Holy shit. Niall, you're my date! Harry, find your own!" Louis draped his arm around Niall's shoulders and pulled him close.

 

"We all look fabulous! Group selfie!" Nicole cried and whipped out her slim phone, gathering them all. Harry discreetly shoved Louis away so he was next to Niall and planted his mouth against Niall's rosy cheek just as the picture was taken.

 

Niall was rolling his eyes. Louis was giving Harry a bit of a scowl. Really, only Nicole didn't look stupid.

 

Nicole frowned at the picture. "Really, seems like I'm the only pretty one of the group," she said with a scoff. "Come on, let's go!" She ushered the boys to the limo idling by the curb. Again, Harry shoved Louis so he could sit next to Niall and Nicole rolled her eyes; she reached into a vat of ice built into the door and extracted a glass of pricy, fancy champagne. "Let's get this party started!"

 

Louis was not very happy about this. "So, Niall," he said. "You ready to go into super production?"

 

Niall nodded. "We have the space for it."

 

"If there's anything I can do to help, let me know."

 

Niall's eyes got a little shifty. "Well... It's going to cost a lot to set up a whole new production line."

 

"Send me an invoice."

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah. I'll review it, but I'll do what I can."

 

"You can send it to me," Harry said, distracted; he'd been in the middle of staring at Niall. He couldn't stop. Niall was so fucking beautiful, Harry wanted him under him so badly.

 

"Harry," Louis grumbled under his breath. To break the tension, Niall turned to Nicole and talked to her til they arrived at the ball.

 

"I almost forgot," Harry said as Louis and Nicole elegantly disembarked. He produced a flat, rectangular velvet box and extended it to Niall. "The dot over the i--put it on," he said.

 

"What? What? What?" Niall accepted the gift, but looked at it oddly.

 

Harry raised a brow. "It's a watch," he said simply; more specifically, it was a platinum Rolex watch. "I saw it and thought it'd look perfect on you."

 

"No, no, Harry," Niall pushed the box back at him. "I'm not taking that. That's -- no." The watch was probably as expensive as a down payment on a car.

 

"Take it," Harry said insistently. "It's a gift." When Niall was about to protest some more, he simply opened the box, extracted the expensive watch and grabbed Niall's wrist, putting it on. He smiled, "See? It was made for you."

 

"Harry!" Louis and Nicole were peering into the car, and Niall leaned forward and slammed the door shut, giving the pair of them some privacy. Then he grabbed hold of Harry’s wrist, making him meet his eyes. "I'm not your boyfriend, Harry. You can't buy me with gifts. I don't want it."

 

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do," Harry replied calmly. "It's rude not accepting gifts, so you should definitely take it."

 

Niall's jaw was set. He took the watch off in front of Harry and dropped it in the center console of the limo. He wasn't going to let Harry set a precedent for this relationship of letting Harry push him around. "Then I'm rude," he said, crawling out of the car.

 

Harry's mouth fell open in surprise; he had not expected that. He smirked. All right, if Niall was going to be like that, then Harry would show him just what he was missing out on. He returned the watch in its box and placed it in his pocket before following the others. He joined the line of people with the others on the red carpet leading to the gorgeous yacht floating in the water.

 

"Why are you like this?" he whispered to Niall, before turning and greeting the familiar faces with a wave and nod.

 

"I already told you, Harry -- I'm not interested. So, if you're holding out, just send me home right now. Or, fuck it, I'll walk. What'll it be?"

 

"Calm down," Harry said with a roll of his eyes. He put a hand on Niall's back and leaned down to say, "This is the first night of the rest of your life--don't ruin it for yourself."

 

Niall sighed. He wasn't sure Harry was getting the point. As soon as he was inside, he went to the bar and ordered a Long Island ice tea. He was going to get fucked up -- again.

 

Harrry had to do a bit of mingling before he could join Niall at the bar, he got himself a drink before looking at Niall with a raised brow. "What's really going on here? Why are you so down?"

 

"Is it absolutely impossible for you to conceive that someone isn't interested in you?"

 

"It is," Harry said honestly. "Everyone is interested in me in some form or way--you might just be in denial."

 

"Jesus," Niall groaned. He moved away from Harry, definitely needing some space from him.

 

Before Harry could follow, Louis was at his shoulder. "We need to talk."

 

"What is it?" Harry asked distracted, eyes following Niall till he was swallowed by the crowd of partying, rich kids.

 

"What do you think?" Louis asked. "He's not into you. But he's a cute, sweet gay boy with balls who's into real love. That's _my_ turf, Styles."

 

Harry slowly turned to look at Louis, incredulous. "He's certainly not into you, Louis," he said with a scoff. “He's in love with his straight best friend, remember? He needs to get over him and the only way to do that is getting under _me_."

 

"He's not like that!" Louis insisted. "And you're just going to fuck him up worse! Look, Styles, you can have your pick of anybody here, just leave Niall alone. Please. He’s not interested in you and I want a business partnership with him. Stop scaring him away."

 

"Back off," Harry said, irritated. "I found him first, remember? And what the actual fuck, Tomlinson! Shouldn’t you be jaded after what you went through?”

 

Louis gnashed his teeth. "You're going to fuck him up like all the rest, Harry. If you get him in bed, he'll fall in love with you, then run far, far away when he realizes you're just using him."

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard, so done with this conversation. "What do you even mean 'like the rest'?" he asked narrow-eyed.

 

"Oh, you know," Louis returned icily. "Just everyone you've ever fucked."

 

Harry slowly put down his drink and walked up close to Louis, hovering a few inches over him. "I haven't fucked anyone up," he sneered. "They all knew what they were in for. It isn't my fault that they suddenly imagined there was more to it."

 

"You lead people to believe there's more to it, Harry. You just _do_ and you know it." He'd slept with Harry once and perhaps still harbored some resentment.

 

Harry let out a sigh and ran a hand through his curls. "Ok," he said slowly, reluctantly. "But..." he looked Louis up and down, "...you have one week."

 

Louis eyes went wide. "Wh-Wait. What?"

 

"One week, Louis," Harry said in a low voice, staring into Louis' eyes with his cat-green eyes. "I give you one week to get this business, or whatever the fuck you’re trying to do with him, off the ground."

 

Louis couldn't believe it. He never thought Harry would even be that generous. "Wow. Ok. Ok. Thanks, Harry. Thank you."

 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Go, Tomlinson," he said with a wave of his hand. "You don't want to waste a second of that time," he said with a smirk.

 

Niall had found a corner out on the deck to sit at a table and roll a joint. Twenty kids were with him by the time he was done.

 

Louis found him and smiled when he saw all the kids surrounding him. He made his way next to Niall. "Are you ready for some new customers?" he whispered and grinned.

 

Niall nodded, already stoned out of his mind. "I can't make these things fast enough." He was just pocketing cash. "Want one? On the house."

 

"No, thank you." Louis declined politely; he wanted to have a clear mind tonight.

 

Niall and Louis spent the next hour and a half making connections. Niall even took off his coat and unbuttoned his vest which gave him sort of a tousled playboy book that got him at least four girls trying to catch his attention at any one time.

 

Louis stayed close by his side the whole time, admiring and adoring. He expected Harry to jump out any minute and say he'd been joking, but there was no sign of his curly-haired friend. Every hour or so, he caught a glimpse of him with two girls hanging on his arms.

 

Niall caught this at the same time Louis’ did and saw Harry perfectly happy without him. He couldn't stop the pang of disappointment, even though it was for the best. If it weren't for Niall's relationship with his father -- well... Harry was beautiful. But Niall forced his eyes away and tried to listen to the story the girl across from him was telling.

 

Niall looked like he was trying too hard to seem interested in the girl's story so Louis saw it fit to save him. "Can I steal you away for a moment?" he asked Niall.

 

"Sorry, boss is calling," Niall smiled at the girl, then trailed after Louis. "What's up?"

 

"What's up! Money is up!" Louis grinned, so excited for Niall. He grabbed two flutes of champagne from a by-passing waiter and gave one to Niall. "Why aren't you more excited? You've hit a gold mine!"

 

Niall smiled, then shrugged a little bit. "Just... worried about being able to get production up." Really, he was worried about Zayn and Zayn's parents.

 

"What's the worry? I'll take care of the expenses, you'll just have to make sure more of that magical stuff is produced!"

 

"Zayn's the -- Zayn's the real green thumb. I'm just the salesman," Niall shrugged bashfully

 

"And you do that excellently," Louis said with a warm smile. "I still don’t understand--isn't Zayn thrilled about this opportunity?"

 

"I... We haven't really gotten a chance to talk about it, yet -- what it would mean."

 

"Then talk about it," Louis said easily and took a delicate sip of his champagne. 

 

"We will," Niall smiled fragilely.

 

Louis studied Niall for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly, the tone of his voice changing to indicate that he was touching on a new, unspoken topic.

 

"Talk about what?"

 

"Why you look so unhappy?"

 

"We just fought today," Niall shrugged. "No biggie."

 

It was something big, that much was obvious, but Louis was not one to push. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "But hey! We're at a party! Let's _party_!" He exclaimed and slung an arm around Niall's shoulder pulling him into the crowd.

 

Meanwhile Harry was in a corner with his hand pushed up under the skirt of a girl's skimpy gown, she was giggling into his neck and he looked up, catching sight of Niall and Louis. His eyes met Niall's for a second.

 

Niall immediately looked away, feeling that stab of disappointment again. To smother it, he pushed his face in Louis' neck and danced with him.

 

Louis was thrilled. He put his hands on Niall's slim hips, but the grin on his lips were quickly wiped away when Harry appeared next to them with the girl. Louis gave Harry 'wtf' look and Harry raised an innocent brow.

 

Niall looked up, sensing someone next to him. "Hey. You found someone pretty."

 

"Yeah," Harry said, but his eyes were trailing down Niall's body, lingering on the creamy collarbone peaking out of his opened shirt and he bit down his ruby lip for a moment, lifting his gaze to Niall's.

 

"Harry," the girl whispered in his ear, her hand on the back of his neck, lips against his ear, "let's go somewhere else."

 

The girl was feeling up his chest and insistently tugging at his belt so he could get the hint. Harry squeezed her bum, making her snort and playfully slap his arm. Harry glanced at Louis who was giving him a glare that clearly told him to fuck off.

 

Niall had to wonder why they were hanging around. "I'm gonna go get another drink," he said in Louis' ear and went to the bar.

 

"Harry," Louis grumbled, irritated. "What are you playing at?"

 

"Nothing, dear," Harry said with a smirk before grabbing the girl's hand and leading her away.

 

Louis stared after him for a moment before shaking his head and joining Niall at the bar.

 

"I hate players," Niall said bluntly. He hated feeling like he was the center of someone's world, then just watching as they flounced around with someone else a second later.

 

"Harry Styles likes mind games a little too much," Louis said with a roll of his eyes. "Don't let him get to you."

 

"Well. He got the message. I should be happy."

 

Louis looked at Niall closely, "Should? Aren't you?"

 

Niall realized the weed and alcohol was making him loose lipped. "Well. Yeah. I just hope I don't lose him as a customer."

 

"After all the connections you've just made, you won't have to worry about him," Louis said, studying Niall. "And you'll make more."

 

Niall noticed Louis' eyes, scanning him. "What?" he asked

 

"Nothing," Louis said with a quick shrug. 

 

"What?" Niall laughed, insisting.

 

"You look good tonight, is all," Louis said with a coy smile.

 

Niall snorted. "Out of the frying pan and into the fire?" But he didn't look too terribly upset by it. "Shots?" He lined up two shot glasses. "Or double shots?" he lined up two more.

 

Louis laughed, "Double shots!"

 

Niall poured all four, offering Louis one at a time. "Go!" he said, downing one, then immediately downing the other, dropping the glasses back on the counter upside-down with a loud CLUNK!

 

Louis downed both of them in quick succession, feeling the alcohol washing down his throat and he let out a 'whoop', grinning widely. 

 

Niall smiled at him stupidly. "Two nights in a row I get fucked up," Niall laughed. "I don't usually do this."

 

"Well, Niall Horan, welcome to our world!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	5. Chapter 5

Niall was splashed out on the deck at the front of the ship, staring at the stars. Louis was splashed out next to him, giggling. "Niallll," he slurred, pushing himself up on his elbow and poking Niall's nose, "I reaaally like you."

"Thanks Louis," Niall slurred. "I like you, too."

"Yay," Louis nuzzled Niall's neck. "Your skin is so soft," he murmured, rubbing his nose against Niall's neck.

"Louis," Niall laughed softly. "We both just got our hearts broke, maybe we should... y'know...."  
'Not get too physical' was what he was going to say.

Louis lifted his face, blinking down at Niall. "You got your heart broke?" he asked wide-eyed.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. No big deal."

Louis frowned. "It is a big deal! Who broke your heart? It was that Zayn guy, wasn't it?" it slipped before he could stop it.

Niall blinked at him, mouth somewhat ajar, wondering if he should backtrack. He let out a little choke, but then asked bluntly, "Have you ever been in love with a straight boy?"

Louis smiled sadly. "It happens to the best of us," he said solemnly and held up one finger. "Rule number one: never fall in love with a straight boy."

Niall grabbed his finger and tried to bite it. "They're irresistible!"

Louis laughed and tousled with him. "Now, I'm curious. I want to see this Zayn--what does he look like?"

Niall sighed from the depths of his belly. "Heaven. Just.... Here." He dug his phone out of his pocket, did some shuffling, and found Louis a picture. It was one a classmate had taken of them. Zayn's arm was locked around Niall's neck, that stunning smile of his brightening his face as he shared a laugh with his best friend -- it was clear they loved each other even from one happy snap.

"Dammnnn--those cheekbones!" Louis exclaimed, "He's sooo pretty! You're both so pretty together!"

Niall looked awfully happy. "He's a cuddler, too. We were going to spend the week together, cuddling.”

"A bad boy with high cheekbones that likes to cuddle? Gold," Louis said, grinning, "...but then you fought?"

Niall went quiet and his inner light faded a bit. For a moment, he just gave his weight over to the hardwood beneath him and let the boat and the ocean beneath give him a lullaby rocking. "I really fucked up,” he said eventually and rolled onto his back. "I think I've been in love with him for... I dunno, seven years now? But knowing he would never love me back made me kind of... y'know... I never thought about it. But then he goes and tells me he let crummy Oscar Crosby suck his cock on this field trip last year and I just--" To explain it, Niall made an exploding noise that made his cheeks bellow out and made wild gesticulations around his head.

"He let a guy suck his dick? And got off? Then he's not completely straight! No way!" Louis rolled onto his side and stared down at Niall. "He might be mostly straight with bisexual flare-ups! I've met those kind of guys before!"

Niall rolled his eyes. "Every man likes having his dick sucked, Louis -- it's not unusual for a guy to not care who's doing the sucking."

Louis pursed his lips a bit. "Then suck his heart right out of his dick," he said, grinning.

"I tried. Apparently, it didn't work," Niall shrugged, pain flashing across his face at the memory of how it went down. He reached for the shot glass that he had left near his head well over an hour ago and downed what was left. It tasted of sea spray and whiskey.

"I'm sorry," Louis said sincerely. "Maybe the timing and place wasn't right."

Niall sighed. "He liked it. I give a killer hummer. I just... I tried to kiss him a few nights ago and he -- oh, god, Louis, the look on his face --" He reached for Louis' shotglass, and upon realizing it was neither present or extant, reached for the bottle of whiskey he’d brought to accompany his shot glass and took a pull of that.

Louis gingerly took the bottle away from Niall and put it out of his reach. "It's his loss," he said. "Fuck him, he's lucky you're even his friend."

"Shut up, Louis," Niall groaned. "I'm lucky he even lets me hang out with him and I know it. His family is respectable. His dad's like -- a dentist or something. He could actually be somebody if he wanted to."

"Why are you making it out to be like you're less valuable than him?" Louis asked with a deep frown. "You could be somebody too!"

Niall smirked at him. "You're sweet, but you don't know me very well." It didn't occur to him that talking to someone with a bank account like Louis', his life might be a little bit difficult to comprehend. Although, he was aware that Louis wasn't looking down on him and that warmed Niall's heart, making his craven and cold expression turn soft.

Louis nuzzled into Niall, always so touchy-feely when alcohol laced his blood and he gently stroked down Niall's arm. "I'd like to know you better then."

Niall didn't know what to say to that -- in fact, he felt it was prudent to ward off any potential advances, but being touched was so comforting. "What about you? Who broke your heart?"

"A stupid boy," Louis mumbled. 

"Go on. There's a story behind it," Niall said, experimentally nuzzling into him.

"The only thing worse than falling in love with a straight boy is falling in love with a boy in the closet," Louis muttered, bringing himself closer to Niall. "It last for a few good months with a lot of sneaking around and hiding. It was exhausting for both of us, but I was so foolishly in love with him that I'd do anything. Apparently, he wouldn't--he broke up with me because he couldn't deal with it."

"Oh, God..." Niall said, sniffing. "That’s so stupid!" He threw his arms around Louis' neck and clung to him. "I'm sorry!" he gasped, the alcohol making him emotional.

"Rule number two: Never fall in love with a boy in the closet," Louis said with a watery smile, sniffing softly. He leaned into Niall's arms, absorbing the comfort of it.

Niall liked this, tangled with a boy, warming each other from the cold ocean air on the deck of a boat -- but it still wasn't Zayn. "Do you see him? Ever?"

"No, thank God," Louis said. "He changed schools, just to get away from me, I think. Fuck, I don't care where he is." Louis was lying but it was easier pretending he never existed.

Niall gently stroked over Louis' hair. It was stiff from the salt air and the calcification of expensive hair gel. "Louis," he said softly. "I feel like a horrible, terrible, very fucked-up mess."

Louis lifted his face to look at Niall. "Don't we all at some point?" he said with a soft smile, "And you aren't a horrible, terrible, very fucked-up mess. From what I can see you're a strong, sweet boy."

"You don't know the half of it," Niall muttered. And, to keep Louis from investigating into that further, Niall leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss. Louis sighed into the kiss as he leaned up on his elbow, returning it. His fingers curled in Niall's shirt and pulled him deeper into the kiss.

Niall had intended for it to just be a friendly, not terribly intimate thing, and was surprised when Louis grabbed him like this. God, Zayn was right -- kissing was special. Exposed and insecure, Niall ducked away. "Louis--"

"No, it's fine, it's alright," Louis cooed, cupping Niall's face and tilting his face back to his. Now that he'd had a taste, he couldn't get enough, so he leaned in and captured Niall's lips in another kiss.

Niall pushed him away again, "Wait, stop -- What are we doing?"

Louis blinked. "Kissing?" he asked, eyes lingering on Niall's soft, pink lips.

"Yeah, but... Should we? I mean... Is that--?" He glanced over Louis' shoulder and saw a few more people had trickled out on to the deck -- among them, Niall saw Harry's curly hair.

Harry had been watching them for a few minutes now and he'd witnessed the kiss. He was staring at them now, sporting that 'just-got-laid' look with messy curls and too many buttons undone on his shirt. When Niall looked up and met his gaze, Harry just stared at him, eyes intense. He immediately regretted agreeing to let Louis get close; that the bastard had managed to get a kiss on the first fucking night made him livid and it showed.

Niall looked away, embarrassed by the sight of him so disheveled and hid behind Louis' shoulder.

"We are both single so I don't see the problem," Louis said, gently stroking Niall's hair and hungry for more kisses. He didn't notice Harry stalking towards them before his friend had taken a seat right next to Niall. "Well, don't you two look cozy," he drawled and despite the smile, Louis could see the annoyed glint behind his eyes. Louis smirked at him, triumphantly.

Niall tried to sit up, but he was too drunk and he just went back down under Louis again and held his head. "Styles," was all he could say.

"Horan," Harry mimicked, ignoring Louis' not so subtle glare. "You seem to have drunk yourself into a stupor. Need some help to get up?" Without waiting for answer, he hooked a hand under Niall's armpit and easily hauled him to his feet. "Hey!" Louis protested loudly, scrambling to get on his unsteady feet.

It was all Niall could do to grab onto Harry to keep from tipping over again. He couldn't seem to find the ground and the way the boat was rocking he couldn't tell if he was standing up properly or not.

"Harry, what are you doing!?" Louis sneered once he finally got to his feet but all it took was a discreet little push from Harry before he tumbled to the deck again with a squeak. Harry smirked down at him, "Don’t drink so much, Louis. How many times have I told you that?" Before Louis could recover, Harry curled a hand around Niall's waist, steadying him and led him inside. 

"Wait --" Niall said, clinging to Harry so he didn't fall over. "I wasn't done talking to Louis."

"Yes, you were," Harry said simply and maneuvered them past drunk kids to a small, yet luxuriously appointed cabin. Like most ships, it was more closet than bedroom, but there was a small bunk with a remarkably soft mattress and it smelled of polished oak. "You're tanked, you need to sober up." Harry seated Niall on the bunk and got him a glass of water from the miniature stainless steel sink. "Now, can you tell me why you're kissing my best friend?"

"We were bonding," Niall said simply, grateful for the water.

"Oh, yeah?" Harry cocked an interested eyebrow and went over, sitting down next to Niall. "Is that how you bond where you come from? By exchanging saliva?"

"No," Niall pouted at him. "Why are you making this out like I did something wrong?"

"Oh, love," Harry let out a deep, dramatic sigh. "You cruelly rejected me and then you went on to kiss my friend. Can't you see what's wrong in that?"

"You --! You--! You fucked that chick!"

Harry crumpled his hair, affecting a strutting game cock quality, but ultimately only appearing stressed. "So?" 

"How's that different? Hypocrite!"

"You rejected me, Niall," Harry said slowly. "I didn't go on to fuck your best friend, now, did I?"

"I don't owe you anything, Harry. Stop talking like a crazy person."

Harry's eyes narrowed a bit. "You're the one getting between me and Louis and suddenly I'm the crazy person?"

"I'm not getting between you! How am I getting between you?"

"Don't play dumb," Harry said, voice low as he leaned into Niall’s already economized space. He grabbed Niall's chin and tilted his face towards him. "It's pretty obvious that we're both interested in you, now isn't it?" he asked huskily, softly tracing the outline of Niall's jaw with a finger.

"I'm not-- Look, Harry, I'm not, ok? Not with either of you. We were just... We got emotional, that's all, we both... we... He's heartbroken, alright?"

"He is," Harry agreed. "You should probably give him a clear rejection then --like you did me--so he doesn't get his hopes up. You wouldn't want to add to his heartache."

"Harry -- back off," Niall said, feeling sick of this. "Telling him to fuck off won't make me more interested in you."

"Don't flatter yourself," Harry said smoothly, masking how annoyed and disappointed he was. "I already got the hint. I'm not chasing after you."

"Then stop," Niall said, flopping back into the paneled wood of the wall, needing the boat to stop rocking. "Stop chasing after me!"

“You're full of yourself, Niall Horan," Harry said and leaned over Niall's frame, his face hovering closer over Niall's as he gazed into his blue eyes. "I won't chase after a judgmental little boy anymore."

"You wish I was judgmental," Niall slurred. "It's an easy out for you."

"Yeah? Then give me a good reason why you aren't interested," Harry said and stroked the sweaty fringe from Niall’s eyes.

"Conflict of interest," Niall said, suddenly very sleepy.

"Don't fall asleep on me," Harry said and clapped Niall's cheek. "If you'd let me, I could help you get over that pretty boy you're so pathetically in love with."

Niall frowned at him. "Harry -- stop. We can't be a thing, I don't care how... that... dimples."

Harry chuckled softly, smiling so his dimples were on display. "You can poke them," he teased. "You can even touch my hair if you'd like."

Niall wanted to protest, but he'd never touched a dimple before. He gently traced his index finger over one of them. "Your dad doesn't have these -- but he doesn't smile a lot, either."

Harry blinked. "How would you know if he smiles a lot or not? You've only met him once and I imagine it was briefly."

Niall just shrugged. "I still... I want to work for him," he said softly, his eyes lolling shut and his hand falling away from Harry's face. "He pays so well..."

"What? Niall?" 

But the only response he got was Niall tipping onto his side, curling up into the pillow and immediately passing out.

~*~

Niall woke on the bed he fell asleep in. It took him a few moments to orient himself -- he felt heat and weight along the back of his body and for a moment, he thought Zayn was spooning him. Then he remembered where he was. He turned carefully as to not wake this stranger behind him. Harry looked so very different when asleep. All of those carefully crafted defenses were gone and all that was left was his boyish beauty. Yes, if Harry weren't his father's son, Niall wouldn't have been so resistant to his advances at all. In fact, he would be such a fine distraction from -- or weapon against -- Zayn. After all, Zayn did like people more once they were taken.

Harry woke under Niall’s intense scrutiny and he blinked sleepily at him. "Is it morning?" he asked with a small yawn.

"I don't know," Niall groaned. "Boat's still rocking." He drank way too much. He was queasy and wanted to curl up and crumble to pieces.

Harry could still hear faint music and when he checked his watch. "It's nine in the morning," Harry said with a sigh. "I think the yacht is back by now. We have to be docked."

"Nine? No one will kick us out at nine, we can still sleep." He was so used to sleeping out in places where he wasn't allowed or shouldn't be that he hadn't grasped that he was on a private boat and there would be no kicking out of anyone at any time.

"I can work with that," Harry said, voice heavy with sleep and curled more firmly against Niall. He was silent for a moment, “How is your sister?"

The question was shocking, not so much in that it was intimate, but in that Niall wouldn’t have expected Harry to remember he had an ill sister. "She had a bad day yesterday," Niall said softly, after a moment’s pause in which he collected himself. "How's your mom?"

Harry snorted. "I don't know, I haven't seen her since the fight."

"Oh," Niall said. "Do you have school today?"

"Niall...it's Saturday."

"Really? Shit... That means I have to go back to school in two days."

"What do you mean? Did you have some kind of vacation or what?" Harry asked.

"Suspended," Niall muttered into the pillow.

"Oh!” Harry laughed, surprised and delighted. “What did you do?" he asked curiously, casually drawing circles down Niall's arm.

"I told a teacher she was a cunt and a racist because she was picking on Zayn... Well... I mean, she asked him to do a math question on the board and Zayn's bad at math. So..."

Harry laughed harder into the pillow. "Seriously? If anyone did that at our school they'd be expelled and it'd taint their record--they'd never get into a respectable college."

Niall shrugged. "They go easy on us. They just want to get us out. No reputation or anything."

"I can imagine," Harry said. "Public schools are scary."

"Oh, come off it," Niall smirked. He was awake now, and he sat up a little bit, rubbing his face. "I should probably get home."

"No," Harry said and pulled Niall back down. "We are probably going for brunch later, Nicole, Louis, and I. You should come."

"Louis," Niall winced. If Harry was mad at Louis for kissing him, Louis must be furious for whatever he thought Niall and Harry were doing behind closed doors til nine am. "I gotta go," he sat up again and tried to find his shoes.

Harry sighed and worked himself up in a sitting position. "Where?" he asked with a raised brow, "How are you even going to get back home?"

Niall immediately dropped the footwear he had located on the floor and checked that the fat wads of cash he had accumulated over the evening were still tucked safely in his trouser pockets. Feeling the cushy bulges, he relaxed and said with no small amount of pride, "I can call a cab." 

"Come on," Harry said with another sigh and got to his feet, stretching his arms so his shirt rode up, exposing his skin. "Why are you in such a rush?"

Niall stared for a second. God, he had a cute tummy. Harry was a cute boy. He wasn't blind. "Just want to go home and... wash," he said, shaking his head.

"It's nine in the morning, Niall," Harry said with a roll of his eyes. "We can sleep for several hours more, then we can go back to Louis' place and freshen up and have a real English lunch. Doesn't that sound a lot more appealing that going back to your lonely apartment?"

Niall ran his hands through his hair. He was anxious to see if... well... he wanted to see Zayn. Despite everything, he felt bizarre for having gone this long without connecting with him. "Let me just... let me make a quick phone call, ok?" 

He slipped out the door and went up to the deck. He didn't really want to talk to Zayn, he just wanted to know he was ok -- and to hear his voice. It was when he realized that Zayn probably hadn't been given his phone back that Niall realized that the best he could do would be to call Zayn and listen to his voice on his answer phone. That was oddly comforting to him. He dialed the number with a heavy sigh.

Zayn’s smooth voice with the almost unnoticeable accent sounded from the speaker, "Hey, I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message after the thing and I'll call you back." 

Niall took a breath, but realized he didn't really want to say anything. Taking his phone from his ear, he hung up and went and dangled his feet over the side of the boat.

Just then, Nicole came out on the deck. Her hair that had been styled to perfection was now falling haphazardly over her face in soft waves, her cheeks were red and eyes bright. "Niall!" She squealed when she saw the blonde and ran over, smacking a kiss against the blonde's cheeks. "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Yes. How do you look so damn good? The sun is barely up."

Nicole giggled, still a little tipsy. "You don't look too bad yourself," she said, running a manicured hand through Niall's tousled hair. She pouted then. "A shame Zayn isn't here---this night would have been a lot more fun for me."

Niall folded his lips but didn't say anything. "Have you seen Louis?"

"I think I saw him passed out somewhere," Nicole said with a shrug. "Anyways," she said with a sudden mischievous smile, "I've got myself a boyfriend."

"Congratulations," Niall said, not entirely insincerely. "Who is it?"

"Dash McCollins," she said with a roll of his eyes, "but you did hint that Zayn is interested in girls with boyfriends, yeah?" She grinned and bit down on her red-painted lip.

Niall's already sleepy face became heavier. "Yeah. I'll let him know."

"Where has he disappeared off to, anyway? He isn't even taking his phone." 

"Oh, he... He needs to get a new one," Niall shrugged. "Where did you see Louis last?" he was uncomfortable with this and got to his feet.

"Somewhere inside, close to the bar," Nicole said, distracted by something on her phone. 

Louis was sprawled on a plush couch in the ballroom at an awkward angle, deep asleep, a string of drool hanging from the corner of his mouth.

Niall smiled at him and curled up at his feet, putting his head on his hip and getting comfy.

"What are you doing?" Harry appeared after a small few minutes, hovering over Niall and staring at him with a raised brow. He'd cleaned himself a bit up so he looked a bit more presentable while Niall still looked like a half drunk bum.

"Oh, I was.. I wanted to talk to Louis, but he's sleeping."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Obviously," he said. "I'm going back to sleep. Wake me when we're back at the shore."

Niall watched him go -- even the way he moved was... well, delicious. As he put his head back on Louis' hip, he found himself wondering if Harry was like his father in bed. 

~*~

Louis woke up with a jolt. He groaned a bit at the pounding headache and the cramps in his limbs caused by the awkward sleeping position. He looked around to discover that people were getting ready to leave and that's when he noticed the boy sleeping against his hip. He smiled softly and gently stroked through Niall's tangled hair. "Hey, time to wake up," he called softly, checking his watch to see the time was well on its way to early noon.

Niall blinked awake and looked up at him. "God, I feel worse than I did at nine..."

"I feel worse than I've felt in years," Louis said with a crooked smile and worked himself up in a sitting position, rubbing his sore neck. 

"Look," Niall started gently, "I'm really sorry... about... Y'know, the whole Harry thing, last night. I just want you to know I didn't sleep with him -- I mean, I did, but... Fuck. We didn't fuck. Or kiss, even."

Louis winced a bit. "It's alright," he said with a soft smile. "Harry is can be a bit of an asshole but I've learnt to deal with it." He shrugged; he was just happy that nothing had happened between Niall and Harry. "And uhm...we kissed last night?"

"Yeah." Niall smiled. "It was just a little thing. But Harry said I shouldn't come between you and he's right -- nothing should come between friends."

"He said that?" Louis scoffed then and shook his head. "He's just manipulating you," he said with a frown. He sighed and looked at Niall. "A little thing?" he repeated, disappointed. He’d hoped it'd been the start of something new.

"Do you remember it?" Niall asked.

"Yeah," Louis said with a coy smile. "A little bit," he admitted. 

"I remember all of it," Niall said somewhat bashfully. "You're you -- I mean, you kiss well. Not that I've kissed a lot, but..."

"Really?" Louis said surprised and pleased. "I'd think that boys would line up to kiss you," he said, grinning.

Niall smiled a little. "We aren't as ... open in my school. Gay there is a really bad thing."

"How horrible," Louis said with a sad frown. "I wish you went to our school. No one cares who you kiss or screw."

"I can tell," Niall said, looking around. "You guys sure have a nice life."

"Yeah..." Louis looked scrubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up. "But it isn't always nice...there's a lot of pressure and expectations as well...and parents are never home enough."

"I know how that is," Niall said, curling his hands against the waistband of Louis' dress pants. "My home has been empty for months."

Louis eyes widened in alarm. "What? How? Where are your parents? Do you live by yourself then?"

"Most of the time," Niall shrugged. "My dad left us about ten years ago... And my mom... she's just not around."

"Oh...that's...I'm sorry!" Louis stroked through his hair with greater tenderness. "That's why you sell weed, right? To sustain yourself?" 

Niall nodded against the soft rise and fall of Louis’ ribs. "Zayn doesn't have to. He's just good at it. His family... His family is actually pretty great. I'm sort of the... bad influence, you know?"

"Oh, baby, you aren't!" Louis said, dropping his hand to gently massage his neck. "You're doing it because you don't have any other choice! And how are you bad influence when he's the one who grows it and likes doing it just because?"

"Try that logic on his parents," Niall shrugged, sitting up. "I think we’re some of the last ones here."

The thunder of partying highschoolers was fading as the kids gradually filtered out, but Louis appreciated the opportunity to commune with Niall in a neutral atmosphere. "They called you a bad influence," he said slowly and became upset as the full implication of that struck him. "Oh fuck them! You can hang out with us from now on. We'll help any way we can."

Niall smiled a little. "They're good people. Really. And Zayn -- he's still my best friend... I think. But thank you." He kissed Louis' cheek.

Louis got to his feet as well and slung an arm around Niall's shoulder, giving him a side-ways hug. "We're here for you, alright?" he said, just wanting to make sure Niall understood that. 

Before Niall had a chance to reply, Nicole and Harry appeared.

"Let's go, boys!" Nicole said, brushing past them. Harry gave them a short look before following Nicole.

~*~

Niall was desperate for a shower. He wanted to wash the cigarettes and weed and other boys' cologne off him. Then he'd call Zayn's phone again. It was pathetic, but the sound of his voice just set Niall's world right. However, as soon as he opened the door, he heard a drawer close in the kitchen and his guts froze up.

"Niall! Niall is that you?" A tall, thin woman with wispy blonde hair set up in a messy bun and clad in a dress entirely inappropriate for the season’s weather appeared in the hallway. Upon seeing Niall, her face brightened up and she engulfed him in a hug too tight and uncomfortable. "There you are! I got so worried when you weren't here!"

"I'm ok, mom," he said, hugging her back. "Are-- Are you?"

"Of course I am! I feel wonderful!" She was blinking too fast and her movements were jerky, smile too bright. She smoothed Niall's hair back and it was then that she registered the smell of weed and liquor on him. Her face darkened at once. "Why do you smell like that? Have you been smoking and drinking? Again! How many times have I told you not to do that!?" Her voice grew in volume for every word falling over her lips, her tone switching from chirpy to sharp and pitchy.

Niall backed up, knowing how bad this could get, and that quickly. "I was just going to take a shower, mom," he said. "Let me do that and then we can talk, ok?" Niall knew she was off her meds and there weren't any in the house.

"Why don't you ever listen to me? You're such a bad child, Niall! Bad, bad child!" she scolded him hard, shaking a thin finger at him like he was a toddler. "Go take a shower, now! We're going to visit your little sister! Hurry up!" She shoved him towards the bathroom with surprising strength considering her small, thin build. 

Niall got into the bathroom and closed the door. "Shit, shit," he whispered under his breath. He didn't know what to do. He turned on the water and stripped off his clothes, noting the scars on his left shoulder where she'd pushed him into a picture frame that had shattered. As he washed himself, he noticed how badly he shook, and despite the racing of his mind, he was unable to formulate a plan to manage Sheila’s unexpected return.

He emerged into the hall, body tense. "Mom?"

"Look what I bought your sister!" She erupted from her bedroom and showed Niall a bag full of hair-bows. "She loves bows! She'll love them, right?"

"She might, mom," Niall smiled, praying she could keep herself together. "You remember how Amy's sick, right? That she's hooked up to a lot of machines that are keeping her well?"

"Come on, let's go!" she said, ushering him towards the door like the universe wasn't moving fast enough. She grabbed a fedora from her room and perched it on her head. "Which bus will take us there fastest? I always forget!"

Niall managed to get her there without setting her off. However, he never knew how his mother would react to seeing the hospital and he never knew how the hospital would react to seeing her.

The smile was painted on her lips, and upon examining it beyond a glimpse, it became eerie. The staff at the hospital were wary and suspicious but allowed them to visit Amy. Once their mother saw her daughter, bony and sickly-pale in the too large hospital bed, she rushed to her side. "Oh, my little girl, oh my God, what have they done to you?" 

"Mom, mom I'm fine-" Amy didn't even get a chance to finish her sentence before her mother began weeping uncontrollably.

Niall came behind her and stroked her shoulders, trying to calm her. "She's ok, mom. That's why she's here, they're keeping her ok. They're doing a good job," he insisted.

"Is this what you call a good job!?" she screamed and slapped Niall hard on the cheek to get him off of her. Amy let out a small whimper, "Mom, please-"

Niall felt his cheek split against his tooth. "Mom, mom, calm down, please!" he pleaded, his hand on his cheek for a moment. "If you don't calm down we can't stay--"

"You don't tell me to calm down when your little sister looks half-dead!" She was shaking, pale cheeks flushing in anger. "You were supposed to look after her while I was away! Why didn't you!? Why are you so useless!?" 

"Mom, he couldn't do anything, it's not his fault--please stop."

"Let's come back later, ok, mom?" Niall pleaded, feeling sick inside at the accusation, feeling it may be true. "Please," he reached for her. "Let's just go."

"Don't touch me! You get out! Get the fuck out, now!" Amy's eyes were wide and scared at the prospect of being left alone with her unstable mother. "Get out!" When Niall didn't move, her mother shoved him so hard, he crashed into the medical supply cabinet.

One of the nurses stuck her head in, got a layout of the situation and immediately booked it to call security. Niall was grateful because he certainly wasn't leaving Amy alone. "Mom, get a fucking grip! You've lost your goddamn mind and you're tearing apart what little family I have left!"

Their mother looked like she was going to hit Niall again but was stopped when Amy began to softly cry, "Mom, please don't hurt him. It's not his fault and I'm going to be alright, please mom--won't you come back tomorrow?" she sniffled, tears trickling down her pale cheeks. There was a moment of unnatural silence where their mother merely stared into thin space, then she spun on her heels, grabbed Niall hard on the arm. "Let's go," she said through gritted teeth.

Niall tried to look over his shoulder and give Amy a comforting look as he was being dragged out the door, but getting Sheila out of there peacefully was the most important thing at the moment.

They got out of the hospital before the security could get to them and they got home without further incidents. When they got back to the eroded, ramshackle apartment, Sheila still had a death grip on Niall's arm. "Why aren't you a better son and brother?" she hissed, her gaze sharp with accusations.

"You have no idea what I do for this family!" he roared, shaking her off. "You have no fucking idea how far I go to keep her safe! And what the fuck do you do? You're a goddamn train wreck!"

Hot, red anger exploded in Sheila's face. "How dare you talk like that to me!" she screamed and hit him so hard, he tumbled to the floor. "Do you realize how much I've sacrificed for you!? What I had to give up to give birth to your ungrateful ass!?" She gave him a hard kick in the ribs.

Niall wasn't having it. He got back to his feet and pushed her hard. "If it wasn't for me, she'd be dead! Dead! Take your fucking pills, woman! Why won't you just fucking take your pills!?"

She fell against the wall, standing there with a shocked expression for one long moment before she let out an enraged cry. "Get out of my house! Now! I don't want to see you here again! Get out!!!" She grabbed one of the ceremonial election year plates from off the wall and threw it at Niall.

It clocked him in the skull. When more dinnerware came hurtling at him, he realized his best option was to run. He was out of the apartment and into the street in less than a minute, his chest heaving and his skull bleeding. He started walking, although he didn't know where he was going. He had nowhere to go.

 

~*~

After the discovery that his best friend was in love with him, Zayn had been at a loss for what to do, so he'd concentrated on something he could do: getting on his parents' good side. It was late afternoon and he'd been relieved from his room-arrest to take his eight year old sister to the park. He was sitting on the bench and smoking a cigarette, watching Safaa on the playground.

Niall appeared on the bike path through the park an hour into Zayn's play date. He wasn't walking properly, had his hand pressed to his head and was staring at the ground as if he wasn't certain where to put his feet next.

When Zayn first saw the boy staggering like he was drunk, he didn't register it was Niall at first; maybe it was the new hair, but he recognized the clothes. A closer look and Zayn's eyes widened in shock. "Niall?" He was on his feet and by Niall's side the next, catching the blonde just as he began tipping over. 

Niall couldn't look up. Not as he was falling over into the grass. 

The bleeding wasn't major, but Niall was pale and looked half-conscious. "Niall, don't pass out," Zayn said and gently clapped the blonde on the cheek, eyes wide and worried. "I think you have a concussion."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Niall said, sitting up in the grass, feeling somewhat delirious. "Hi," he said, upon seeing Zayn's angelic face. "Hi," he said again, a little wondrously, not certain he wasn't actually an angel.

"Hi," Zayn smiled softly, cautiously. He gently touched the side of Niall's cheek. "You need to be looked at." He quickly glanced over to make sure his sister was still where he'd left her. He looked back at Niall and asked, "Your mother is back?"

Niall tried to nod, but it hurt. "Yep. I was going to... I was going to the greenhouse," he said, his sleeve still pressed into his skull. "Has it stopped bleeding?"

Zayn removed Niall's sleeve and took a closer look. "Looks like it," he said. "It needs to be cleaned and patched up." He chewed thoughtfully on his lip for a moment: the house was clear of any strict parents; they'd gone to some aunt's wedding. "You can come back to my place."

"I don't want to get you in trouble," Niall slurred. He wasn't sure he wanted Zayn imprinting this derelict image of him into his perception of him, either.

"Parents aren’t home," Zayn said and helped Niall up, slinging Niall's arm over his shoulder and settling a steadying hand on his hip. "What they don't know won't hurt them. I live by that, wouldn't you say?" he said with a crooked smile. He glanced over and saw his sister skipping over to them.

"Hey, Safaa," Niall smiled at the beautiful girl, who was going to be just as striking as her older brother when she grew up. He reached out to take her hand like he always did and Safaa clearly took a moment, debating whether she trusted this person who she knew to be a dear friend, but was at present looking rather monstrous. 

“It’s ok, hon,” Zayn said to her softly. “It’s just Niall.”

Reassured, Safaa took his hand and the three of them, linked hand in hand like a proper tribe, slowly migrated to the car. 

He brought Niall to his room after turning some cartoon on for his little sister. "You should probably rest," Zayn said as he cleaned Niall's wound.

"Not with a concussion," he said. He had endured concussions before. He contented himself watching Zayn in the mirror above the dresser as he tried to get the blood out of Niall's hair. Niall was certainly woozy and not entirely in his right mind, but Zayn still looked as stunning as a star to him. He reached out and stroked his fingertips over Zayn's razor-sharp jaw, too concussed to realize it was an inappropriate thing to do. "You're an angel," he mumbled.

Zayn tensed for a split-second but forced himself to relax. He gently removed Niall's hand and kissed his fingertips. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" he asked softly.

"What happened?" Niall asked, alarmed as if he had missed something.

"With your mother," Zayn said slowly.

"Oh. No. Same old," he shrugged. "Oh, God... What's she going to think when she finds those clothes?" he asked, his eyes going wide.

"I'm not following," Zayn said.

"Harry bought me a tux," Niall frowned. "She's going to accuse me of being frivolous." He started leaning forward, not knowing he was doing it or where he intended to go.

"Wow, a tux? How fancy," Zayn said in a slightly teasing tone, catching Niall’s purposeless movement and settling him back on the bed. "I’ve been dying to know how that extravagant, super exclusive party went." 

Niall shrugged. "Drank too much. Made out with Louis. Harry tried to give me a seven thousand dollar watch."

Zayn stared at him and when he realized that Niall wasn't joking he whistled low and impressed. "Wow," he said, blinking. "He's trying too hard! And Louis! Wow, Niall, you've really got it going." 

Niall smiled at him. "Louis thinks you're beautiful. I showed him a picture," he said groggily.

"Yeah? Will he buy me a seven thousand dollar watch if I bat my eyelashes?" Zayn said jokingly.

"Yes. But he knows you aren't gay," Niall shrugged. "He might not fall for it." He looked down at his lap and suddenly felt like he might need to throw up.

Zayn swallowed a bit and scratched the back of his neck. "Do you want something to drink? More water? Maybe some tea?"

Niall got to his feet, went to the bathroom and promptly emptied his stomach into the toilet. In his experience, this was par for the course. Zayn got to his feet, grabbed the glass of water and went after Niall. He soothingly rubbed his back in circles.

Niall took the glass and took a small sip. "I missed you, Zayn. I missed you all night..."

Zayn smiled. "I missed you too," he said quietly. 

Niall looked so very sad. "I'm sorry I ruined everything."

Zayn's eyes softened. "You didn't ruin anything at all," he said. "I'm sorry...for the way I reacted."

"I did. I did ruin it. You know now. Everything's changed."

Zayn didn't say anything, because things had changed: he no longer knew how to act around Niall. "We'll figure it out," he said at last, hoping with everything he had that they would.

Niall sighed heavily, feeling that his best friend in the world was so far away. "We made a lot of money," he said, dully. "Louis says he'll front us the money to expand, too..."

"Oh good, that's amazing," Zayn voice lacked excitement. It was bloody ridiculous; they'd dreamed about this and now that it was all in their hands, they couldn't even properly celebrate it. Had things been normal, they'd been jumping up and down with joy.

Niall felt that like a hammer to the gut. "I should go. Maybe look around and... get him an estimate or something." The guilt and pain of loss was eating at him again.

Zayn looked over and chewed at the inside of his cheek: he hated what was happening between them. "I should probably do that," he said softly. "I think I might get a better estimation."

"Yeah," Niall nodded. That was obvious. He was looking for another excuse when his phone went off. It wasn't the excuse he was looking for: It was Mr. Styles, telling him he was needed tonight.

Zayn's jaw clenched and he watched Niall reply to the text, face drawn a bit. "Give me a rough estimate of how much money we can make?"

Niall swallowed. "A shit ton," he said softly. "Zayn we could..." Niall actually smiled at him. "I could move away from my mom. We could --" he was about to repeat his notion that they could 'get an apartment together' but that just felt wrong, now.

"...you could stop working for him," Zayn said, eyes lighting up.

"Well... No. We wouldn't make that much... But maybe with the next upgrade, I could," Niall gave him a soft smile.

"Yes," Zayn said. "Fuck, I'm willing to do anything if it means you can stop working for him."

"It's ok, Zayn, I'm not... I mean... It's ok." He looked down at his hands. "I'd do anything for Amy."

"I know," Zayn said and touched Niall's shoulder lightly so he looked up at him, "I'd do anything for you."

Niall looked away, his eyes tearing up instantly. "I'd do anything for you, too." He shrugged as if to say 'obviously'.

Zayn smiled big and then he went in for a hug.

Niall hid his face in Zayn's shoulder, squeezing him tightly. "Love you," he said, trying to make it sound as non-romantic as possible.

Zayn took a deep breath. "Love you too," he said with a soft smile. "You can stay for the night. My parents won't be home till tomorrow afternoon."

"Will you pick me up from the Styles' tonight?" he asked, feeling like he was asking too much, but really, he would like that.

"Of course," Zayn said with an easy smile. "I'll put Safaa to sleep so we'll have the flatscreen for ourselves--if you aren't too tired when you get back."

"That sounds great," Niall said, smiling at his feet and wishing he'd stop falling deeper in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this work is already finished :)
> 
> We would love to know what you think.  
> How to reach us:
> 
> GV:  
>  Twitter: @gvbutterworth  
>  Tumblr: gvbutterworth
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> Miraal:  
>  Kik: @Miraal07


	6. Chapter 6

Zayn picked Niall up a few blocks away from the Style's residence. Per habit, Zayn's eyes swept over Niall's frame as the younger boy climbed into the passenger seat and noted that there wasn't any visible harm other than the usual wincing when Niall sat down. The smell of incredibly posh, over-applied cologne filled the car and Zayn found it familiar, but he couldn’t quite place it.

 

"Hey."

 

Niall gave him a small smile. "Hey," he said, embarrassed. He was able to chat with Zayn on the drive home, about possible expansion costs and whatnot, but he couldn't look at his friend. He was so confused.

 

"Is everything alright?" Zayn asked, of course noticing that Niall was acting rather strange. Zayn pulled up in the driveway, killed the engine and turned to look at Niall.

 

"Yeah," Niall said, getting out of the car quickly. He wasn't going to talk sex with Zayn. He just couldn't, not anymore. "Would you mind if I took a shower?"

 

"Sure, you can borrow some of my clothes," Zayn said as he opened the door and let them in. "I'm just going to check on Safaa." He gave Niall a quick smile before jogging up to his little sister's room to make sure she was still sleeping sound and well.

 

Niall got in the shower and immediately, he took cock in hand and started thinking of Harry. His mind usually wandered to Zayn at this point, but he resisted fiercely, knowing he'd just ruin the relationship further if he kept down that path.

 

Once making sure his sister was well, Zayn walked past the shower. "I was thinking of making nachos!" he said, mouth close to the door in hopes that Niall could hear him. "With chicken or kebob?"

 

The grunt that came out was clearly not from thinking about food. Niall had three fingers inside himself and his head thrown back against the tile. "God!"

 

Zayn backed away from the door awkwardly and embarrassed, face heating up. "Um, alright, I think chicken is good," he said awkwardly and hurried to the kitchen, forcing himself to concentrate on making the food rather than what Niall was obviously doing in the bathroom. 

 

Niall came, but it was unfulfilling. His life was so out of whack. He sat down on the floor of the shower and caught his breath. He was in love with his best friend and fucking the father of the boy that was pursuing him. Something had to give and it had to give soon. The pressure that was crushing in on him was getting to be more than he could bear. He dressed in his dirty clothes, too uncomfortable to get in Zayn's. He didn't want to be here tonight, but he had nowhere else to go, not with his mother in the apartment. He trotted downstairs, his heart like lead in his chest.

 

"I put way too much oregano on the chicken," Zayn said with a sheepish expression when he heard Niall's footsteps. "So it'll have to be kebob, I hope that's--" he finally turned to look at Niall and upon seeing how utterly crushed Niall looked, he trailed off. "What's wrong?" he asked with a worried frown, approaching the blonde. "Why did you put your dirty clothes back on? What happened? It's that creep, isn't it? He do something weird? God, I knew it would happen sooner than later!

 

"What? No! It's fine, Zayn... Relax, I'm fine, nothing happened. I'm fine," he said, lifting himself gingerly onto one of the barstools. "Kebob sounds great."

 

Zayn gave Niall a skeptical look, "Alright," he said in a tone that clearly indicated that he didn't believe Niall was fine. He turned to the freezer and bent down, rummaging for the kebob he knew he'd seen somewhere a couple of days ago.

 

~*~

 

Niall and Zayn were sitting at lunch when the bruhaha started. It was entirely one-sided and entirely weird. There was a new kid, but someone had found out what brand his clothing was -- and apparently, it was unacceptable. Then someone had gone so far as to google how much his shoes had cost him – four hundred dollars. No one at Garfield High was going to wear four hundred dollar shoes and get away with it. It wasn't even just the bullies that converged on him. Some of the nice kids stood around, not lifting a finger to stop it.

 

Zayn was in the middle of eating a sandwich and he watched for a moment; watched the kid being pushed to the ground, his books thrown away, someone poured apple-juice on his hair. Zayn used to be bullied in middle-school before he learnt to stand up for himself; while he despised bullies, he despised people that did nothing even more. "Fucking hell," he put his sandwich down and resolutely made his way up to the group of bullies. "Enough," he growled, pulling at the abusers as they tore at their prey.

 

Zayn was ignored. The three boys holding Liam down went for his shoes, giving him sharp, mean jabs to the gut whenever he tried to defend himself. They tore his shoes off his feet and two of them went running. "I'll get 'em!" Niall said so quickly he was barely intelligible and went tearing off after the two boys around the side of the building, eager to get into a scrap. With only two assailants left, the beaten boy managed to knock one to the ground, but the other boy behind him got in a good punch to the kidney.

 

Zayn stepped in and punched the boy hard in the jaw, sending him crashing to the floor. Before he could recover, Zayn stepped on the side of his neck and looked at him with a menacing expression. "Behave, you little shit."

 

The new kid got up and limped behind Zayn, needing the cover. He wasn't in great shape. The remaining assailant just looked and said, "Chill out, man. He's just some fucking toff slumming it alright?"

 

"He hasn't done shit to you," Zayn spat, eyes narrowed. "If you want to get to him then you have to go through me. And you know you don't want to get on my bad side, Jeff," he sneered. Jeff was one of his infrequent customers but Zayn knew he loved his stuff.  This wouldn’t effect business.

 

Jeff lifted his hands like Zayn was being too unreasonable to deal with. "Whatever, man, just let him up."

 

"Fuck off," Zayn snapped. "Go find something better to do."

 

Jeff helped his friend up from the floor and they both retreated, mumbling darkly. The new kid was leaning against the wall behind him, wincing, looking like the kidney was what was paining him most. "Thanks, man," he said softly, standing in his socks.

 

"You can sit by our table," Zayn pointed it out. “My name is Zayn.”

 

The grip that took his offered hand was firm and warm. Zayn hadn’t shaken the hands of many grown men, but when he had, it felt very much like this. “Liam Payne,” the off-kilter new arrival returned with a nod and a smile that looked odd on a boy covered in orange juice and with a busted lip.

 

Zayn did what he could for they boy once they sat down, using an old gym shirt to clear off most of the juice and to get the disturbing layer of smut off of him. That was when Niall came careening around the corner, waving a pair of overpriced sneakers in the air as his trophy. “I got the shoes!” he cawed. “I got the fucking shoes!”

 

He put them on the table in front of the new kid and Liam was clearly impressed to see them.

 

"Do you like them?" he asked the snaggle-toothed Irish boy.

 

Niall thought it was a weird question. "They're... fine."

 

"Do you want them?"

 

"I think you'd better take them, mate."

 

But the other boy shook his head. "Take them. They're right. I shouldn't be wearing shoes like that. They're excessive. You can have them."

 

Niall looked at Zayn: odd.

 

"It's a bit of a death wish to walk around in clothes that expensive in this place," Zayn said and looked at the boy. "Why are you even here?" A little too straight-forward maybe, but Zayn was curious.

 

The boy took a deep breath. "I had some problems at my old school. Figured I needed a real change of pace. I'm Liam." He extended his hand formally and Niall was awkward in taking it. "I'm Niall.”

 

"Nice to meet you both." Liam looked at Zayn a little over-long, but managed to force his eyes away before it was awkward. Niall noticed it, but a boy who wasn't expecting another gay boy might not.

 

"Well, Liam, I'm afraid that you might become a bit of a target here." Zayn was actually pretty sure the bullies would look for the slightest opening to strike.

 

Liam took a deep breath. "Yeah. I didn't think about that -- the clothes and everything. It feels a little obvious, now."

 

Niall wasn't sure about this kid. He didn't like that he noticed that Zayn was attractive. "You might do better at Madison. They're more you're people. You won't get on well, here. C'mon, Zayn," Niall said, getting up from the table.

 

"I left Madison," his voice stopped them. Niall looked at Zayn. The glance between them proved they were both curious and unanimously, silently, they voted to turn back. "You left Madison to come _here_?"

 

Liam nodded.

 

Zayn studied Liam who, for some reason, avoided his gaze and Zayn could feel that Liam didn't want to talk about why he'd left his swanky little school to come here. "Hey," Zayn said, trying to catch eyes with the boy, "do you know where your next class is?"

 

Liam glanced up at him. "Um. Gym."

 

Niall peeked at Zayn and murmured out of the side of his mouth, "We have gym, too, but we usually skip it."

 

Some of Liam's bullies were in gym and there was no doubt that they were going to descend on him once they saw him. Niall chewed at the inside of his cheek for a moment. "Have you ever skipped?" he asked Liam with a crooked, mischievous smile.

 

Liam shook his head 'no'.

 

"Of course not." Niall rolled his eyes. "You have so much to learn," he said and motioned for Liam to get up. "Come on, we're going to that new place across school. They have some sick danishes."

 

"I really should go to class," Liam said, looking down at his shoes that were still on the table. "It's my first day."

 

"Fine," Niall replied, perfectly content with leaving him to be hoity-toity and goody-two-shoes and ignoring the part of him that said the higher road would be to befriend this young man and even go to the damn gym class to stand up for him.

 

Zayn might have a weakness for protecting people who so obviously needed some kind of protection; blame it on being an older brother to two girls. "We should probably go to gym, too," Zayn leaned in close to Niall so only the blonde could hear him. "They’ll probably call my dad if I skip.” It had gone so well with his father and Zayn didn't want to ruin it.

 

Niall looked at him with a pained expression. Zayn's father got back today as well, which meant two things: There would be no skipping and Niall would have to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. He just sighed, but didn't respond.

 

Liam looked between the two of them. "Are you two hungry? I could buy you lunch -- for saving my ass."

 

Niall brightened a little bit. "That -- yeah. I'm hungry."

 

Liam smiled and rose, heading to the cafeteria line.

 

"Dude, he's from fucking Madison," Niall said, disbelieving.

 

"He's so fucking weird," Zayn said and watched Liam go. "Do you think Nicole and the others know him?"

 

"Probably not. They're the popular group. There's no way he was in the popular group."

 

"So odd," Zayn mumbled, "but he could be cool."

 

"What does that mean?" Niall rounded on him. "He could be cool? What does that mean?"

 

Zayn looked at Niall with a raised brow. "I just see a potential customer in him," Zayn said with a smirk.

 

Niall watched Liam as he went through the line. "We have to find some other friends for him."

 

Zayn blinked and turned to look at Niall. "Why?" he asked. "He isn't going to fit into any group in this school."

 

"I don't like him, that's all. Besides, we're not a community service. We don't have to just befriend people because they don't fit in." The truth was, he was jealous of Zayn's friendship. Especially with things so rocky between them, Niall was afraid Zayn might be looking for a replacement 'Best Friend.'

 

"Oh come on, he's harmless," Zayn said and gestured to Liam; really, he didn't look like he could hurt a fly. "Besides, I'm sure we'll benefit from befriending him," Zayn gave Niall a small mischievous smirk.

 

Niall swallowed. "I don't know -- I like just the two of us," he said, honestly.

 

"It'll still be the two of us," Zayn said and slung an arm around Niall's shoulder, giving him a quick, side-ways hug. "Us two and then him. All I'm saying is we should give him a chance. I feel a little bad for him, y'know?"

 

Niall wasn't happy about this. He was already seeing visions of Liam and Zayn paling around while Niall sat on the sidelines. "I think he might be gay. He was checking you out."

 

"Oh," Zayn said surprised and let his arm fall from around Niall's neck. He glanced at Liam. "Well...I'm not..." Zayn trailed off, feeling awfully awkward. "Don't you think it something really bad that has made him come here?" he asked, changing topic.

 

"I don't care, Zayn. He's a toff," he said the word as if it was the vilest thing a person could be.

 

"He looks like a puppy," Zayn said and only realized how silly it sounded once it left his mouth, but there was something in his eyes.

 

"Like -- cute?"

 

Zayn blinked. "Harmless," he said and glanced at Liam. "Helpless....and yes, cute."

 

Liam returned, smiling genuinely, warmly at the both of them. "I hope you like spaghetti." Niall did. But he did not like Zayn calling another boy cute. Since when did Zayn call boys cute? He was scowling and not hiding it.

 

"Thanks," Zayn said and dug in. He looked up at Liam. "So, Liam, tell us about yourself."

 

"Well," Liam said slowly, watching them eat. "I live in Pine View. My dad owns some time shares. I don't have any siblings." He shrugged. "I just started school here."

 

This kid was weird. Pine View was the hoity toity neighborhood where Harry lived. "You know Harry Styles?"

 

Liam blinked rapidly, several times in succession, "Uh. Yeah. Do you?"

 

Niall just shrugged at him.

 

"We know them," Zayn said, answering properly for both of them. He watched Liam curiously. "Were you friends with him and his crew?"

 

Liam shrugged and shut down. "I should go. See you guys later," he said, getting up and leaving his shoes behind.

 

Zayn blinked and stared after Liam. For a moment he was about to call after him, but he forced himself not to. He looked at the abandoned shoes. "Alright, now I'm extremely curious about this kid. He's hiding something."

 

"Hiding something? He’s crazy, Zayn!" Niall was crazy for how intrigued Zayn was. Really, the only time Zayn ever got this intrigued was about girls. He was determined to go to PE now, so Zayn wouldn't be left alone with Liam.

He regretted it somewhat since as soon as he saw Liam take his shirt off, he realized the guy was stacked -- he was beautiful, absolutely fucking built.

 

"Crazy is interesting," Zayn said with a smirk as he pulled his shirt over his head and gave Liam a quick glance. There were a few kids sending Liam a few malicious looks and in return they got a dark glare from Zayn.

 

Niall felt downright scrawny. He was almost too embarrassed to take his shirt off. He quickly threw on his gym shirt, noticing how Liam was completely at ease roaming around shirtless, his gorgeous muscles and forming bruises full on display.

 

"Hey, everything alright?" Zayn asked Niall when he finally tore his gaze from Liam and noticed how uncomfortable the blonde seemed.

 

Niall gave him a sour look. "I'm fine." He slammed his locker shut and marched into the gym.

 

Liam noticed the gesture and said to Zayn softly, "He ok?"

 

"No," Zayn said with a frown and quickly followed Niall.

 

"What's wrong?" he asked more insistently, grabbing Niall's shoulder and pulling him to the side.

 

"Nothing," Niall said sharply, shrugging him off and moving into the circle of children who were already stretching.

 

"Niall," Zayn said with a huff and followed behind him. "Don't do that passive aggressive bullshit."

 

"Back off, Zayn," Niall grumbled, sitting down and trying to reach his toes.

 

"What's your problem?" Zayn half-heartedly did the stretch but ended up just sitting down and glancing at their teacher every now and then to make sure he wasn't caught.

 

"I'm not talking to you about this here, for fuck's sake, Zayn."

 

Zayn rolled his eyes, "Whatever." He used the next half of the class on getting away with doing as close to nothing as possible; he was lazy. He excused himself to the toilet and sneaked out in the semi-cold air to get a smoke.

 

Niall would usually find some way to follow, but today he didn't. He was too busy watching Liam and his damnably perfect, athletic figure, being perfect. It would be hard to alienate him for long, though the bullies certainly tried. He was just too big and the way the girls were reacting to him -- well, they were clearly put off by him being a toff, but they were all looking.

 

~*~

 

Niall was still stewing in English. He hadn't read the book, as per usual, but now he had to make a collage or something stupid. He would do it with Zayn, as usual and, as usual, they would blow it off. He sighed heavily and was about to doze when he heard the teacher say, "But we have a new student. Liam, why don't you work with Zayn?"

 

Zayn who'd been half-asleep sat up straight when the teacher mentioned his name. "What?" He asked, eyes a bit wide and glanced at Liam. "I'm usually with Niall though."

 

"Not this time," the teacher smiled patiently. "Niall can work with Lois."

 

"What?" Niall snapped sharply. "No!"

 

"Mr. Horan," the teacher returned, maintaining her cool, "if you are suspended one more time, you'll be expelled. It isn't worth it."

 

Zayn who'd been about to protest as well clapped his mouth together at the subtle threat of being expelled; his father would go crazy if that happened. "Ok," he said, defeated and gave Niall a 'nothing to do about it' look. He wanted to be with Niall, because he knew Niall hadn't read the book either so they could use that time on more fun things; like watching crappy TV.

 

Niall was nearly red in the face, but for Zayn's sake, he locked his jaw. Liam looked a little shame-faced, but said nothing.

 

"You'll get some time to do it in class but you'll have to work on it outside school time. You have one week to finish it and it'll count towards your final grade." The teacher said with a smile.

"You may begin discussing how you want to do it."

 

The kids began moving around to find their partner and Zayn went to Niall, seeing how upset the blonde was. "I'm sorry, this sucks," he said quietly and glanced at Liam who'd been looking at them but quickly looked away once caught.

 

Niall knew this wasn't either Zayn or Liam's doing, but part of him felt like it just added to their being torn apart. Niall just sighed heavily. "Maybe we can... I dunno, do something after school? Before you have to go home?"

 

"I'm still grounded," Zayn said with a sigh. "I have to go straight home. Maybe you can sneak in tonight?"

 

Niall's face fell. They were never going to be able to talk this out. "I... Yeah, I'll try."

 

Zayn chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. "I think I'll get my phone back today if I'm lucky," he said.

 

"Zayn! Niall! Get to work!" their teacher said impatiently.

 

"I'll call you," Zayn said quickly and ruffled up in Niall's hair before shuffling over to Liam. "Hey," he said and pulled a chair up to his desk.

 

"Sorry," was the first thing Liam said.

 

Zayn blinked confused for a moment but then understood. "Don't be," he said quickly and smiled, "we're just used to working together." Or not working would be a better way to put it.

 

Liam nodded, but there was clearly a lot going on in his head. "You two are... pretty joined at the hip, huh?" He didn't want to imagine he was seeing gay lovers everywhere, but after what he had been through, well... he was seeing gay lovers in every pair of boys.

 

"Best friends since forever," Zayn said, smiling. "He can be a bit sensitive; I look out for him."

 

Liam nodded. "Um. So, how do you guys know... Harry Styles and all them?"

 

"Oh, we do a bit business with them," Zayn said, purposefully vague. If Liam was going to be mysterious then Zayn would give him mysterious back.

 

"Business?" Liam asked, clearly interested.

 

Zayn just smirked. "Business," he said curtly and then changed topic, pointing at the book Liam had opened; all marked up and everything. "I couldn't get past the first page of that book, so I'm probably not going to be of much help. I hope it's okay that I just sit here and look pretty." Zayn was joking but he couldn't help but lean in and flutter his lashes extra slowly.

 

Liam looked a little startled and went pink. "Um. It's ok," he said sort of slowly, uncertain whether he was being flirted with. "I read it last year at Madison. It's actually really good, just a bit dense, you know? They say Dickens got paid by the word, so..."

 

"Ok," Zayn said, uninterested. He rested his cheek on his knuckles and regarded Liam. "Let me guess, you're a straight A-student?" Zayn had just noticed the small notebook filled with detailed notes; it almost made him roll his eyes. He guessed it's this kind of son his father would be proud of.

 

"Well, usually..." Liam's face was long and sad. "So... Should I go over to yours or do you want to come to mine?"

 

Zayn would like to see what fancy mansion Liam lived in, and he wondered if his father would lift the house arrest if it involved his performance. "Wherever is fine with me," Zayn said with a shrug.

 

"Ok. Want to come to mine tonight? I can get Maria to make us these lobster stuffed mushroom snacks, they're amazing."

 

"Is that your mom?" Zayn asked with a raised brow. This kid was so odd that it wouldn't surprise him if he called his mother by name.

 

"No, that's my cook. Here." Liam took out a card from his pocket -- the kid carried personal business cards. "That's my address. You can come over whenever."

 

Rich kids, Zayn thought with a mental headshake. "Alright," Zayn said and took the card, stuffing it in his pocket. 

 

"See you then," Liam smiled, his gaze lingering on Zayn for an extra second.

 

"Bye," Zayn said with a quick wink; maybe he did it because he was curious to see if he earned that blush from Liam.

 

It did. Liam immediately looked away, rosy in the cheeks.

 

~*~

 

After school, Niall knew he had to get to a park bench fast, or all the good ones would be taken by other homeless. He managed to get a rather fine bench that wasn’t too close to the playground. The shitty part was, he would have to sit here all night to keep it.

 

After a monotonous, boring day at school, the first thing Louis did when he got home was to call Niall. He'd been thinking about him a lot the past couple of days. 

 

"Hi," Niall said, grateful to have someone to talk to. "How are you?"

 

"Hi!" Louis said enthusiastically, happy by the mere sound of Niall's voice. "Boring as fuck day. But what else is new. What have you been up to?"

 

Niall smiled, so cheered to hear his happy voice. "Nothing, just school. Glad to hear you survived the weekend."

 

Louis laughed. "Barely," he said. "What you up to tonight?"

 

"Uh. Just... hanging out, I guess."

 

"Hey, why don't you come by my place?" Louis asked, maybe a little too eagerly. "I just got the DLC for Fifa, we could play it until I have to go meet up with my mom at this stupid thing, later."

 

"Oh! Um. That would be cool, but I kinda can't leave my spot."

 

"Why?" Louis asked confused and followed up by a joking, "Are you stuck with glue or something?"

 

Niall gave a goofy laugh. "No! I just got a good bench tonight, I don't want to lose it. I'd have to sleep in the underpass then, and it always smells like piss down there."

 

" _What_?" Louis exclaimed shocked. "Why the fuck are you sleeping on a bench? What happened to your home?"

 

"Oh," Niall said, realizing how much he'd revealed there. "Well, my mom's home and I... I like to give her space."

 

Louis was silent for a moment; it was completely impossible for him to fathom that. "Shit, let me pick you up. Where are you?"

 

"I'm at the park, but I'm not leaving my bench, yo. These are hard to find."

 

"You're _not_ sleeping on some shitty, germ covered bench, Niall!" Louis said firmly. "There's plenty of room in my apartment. Where are you, at the park? I'll be there in fifteen."

 

Niall huffed as he hung up. He didn't want to leave his bench. It was twenty minutes later that Louis appeared, scoping out the benches as he approached the entrance. They were all taken -- there was no going back now.

 

"Niall!" Louis shouted louder than necessary when he finally caught sight of the blonde. He ran over and hugged him tight. "How can you even think of sleeping on a bench when I've made it clear that I've got your back?" Louis chastised, not giving Niall a second to say anything as he began dragging him to his car. 

 

"Uh...." Things were a little awkward with Louis -- not only the huge economic divide, but he wasn't clear on how they felt about one another or what Louis' expectations of him were. "Thanks, man," he said, getting in the car, feeling dirty and ugly next to Louis.

 

"I'm a little offended is all," Louis continued to rant. "I've got this huge, empty apartment and your first thought is to risk your life and health sleeping on a bench.” Louis shuddered as he started the car and began the ride home. "What happened? Did your mother throw you out?"

 

"No, she's just crazy," Niall sighed, too tired to hide it anymore. "She gave me this--" he pointed to his scalp where the scar was still blood red.

 

Louis nearly crashed at that and narrowly avoided an early death. "She hits you?" Louis said with a soft appalled sound. "That's child abuse! Why isn't she in a mental facility?!"

 

"No, no, Louis it's -- It's not like that." Niall sighed. "My sister's in the hospital. If we go into foster care, she won't get the treatment she needs."

 

"Oh," Louis said, astonished at how bad Niall's situation really was. "That's...how is your sister?" he asked softly. He had sisters himself and he could imagine how crazy he would go if any of them were hurt in any way.

 

"She's alright," Niall sighed. "Not improving. Her condition is... pretty severe." Then he shook his head. "This is grim as shit. Tell me something fabulous. How are you?"

 

Louis was a bit hesitant to change topic but he slowly let it go and smiled. "Bi-annual Big Hero Charity Ball tonight. It’s hosted by my family so I have an obligation to show up--boring stuff, I'll try to get out of it a bit earlier so I can keep you company."

 

"Oh! Don't hurry on my behalf! That sounds amazing!"

 

"It's amazing but it's still boring," Louis said with a laugh. "Nicole and her family are going to be there too. Our families go way back."

 

"Is Harry going?"

 

"I don't know; he was rather distant and stand-offish at school today," Louis said with a worried frown. Harry could be an arrogant ass, but he was still his best friend. "He might be there. You never know with him. His parents will be there though."

 

Niall just nodded. "Well, take lots of pictures. You can come back and show me," he smiled.

 

"Deal," Louis said with a grin. They made it back to the apartment and Louis had barely spent an hour there with Niall, helping him getting comfortable before his mother called, stressed about some seating problem and demanding him to come over so he could help her. Louis rolled his eyes but as the obedient son, he told her he'd be there in ten. "I have to run," he told Niall, "The fridge is stacked with food, make yourself at home!"

 

"Yeah," Niall said anxiously. "Hey, maybe when you get back, we can -- y'know, talk a little bit?" This was important to him. Not only to hammer out what their relationship was, but because there was no one else in Niall's world he could talk to about Zayn.

 

"Of course," Louis said, smiling. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He gave Niall a tight hug before leaving.

 

Niall amused himself with many things. First -- snooping. Louis had locked his computer, but that didn't stop Niall from looking in his medicine cabinet (typical stuff), in his night stand (lots of lube and condoms) at his video collection (a lot of porn disguised as other stuff).

 

It was about 45 minutes after Louis left that Harry barged in, using the extra key Louis had given him. His carefully put together preppy clothes were disheveled, curls all over the place and he was wearing sunglasses even though there was no sun out. He was cursing under his breath and he didn't even notice Niall sprawled on the couch in the living room. He went straight for the piano tucked in a corner, opened it, and retrieved a little bag of weed from under the strings. He turned around and nearly had a heart-attack when he saw Niall sitting on the sofa, staring at him, perplexed. "What the fuck," he hissed, heart beating hard at the scare. "What are you doing here!?"

 

"I--" Niall was flummoxed and he felt guilty, even though he'd done nothing wrong. "Louis -- Louis invited me; he knows I'm here. He went out for a -- a thing, but he'll be back soon."

 

Harry was in a bad mood; things had gone rather nasty back home. He let out a huff and pocketed the weed, stalking into the kitchen and mixed himself a drink. "Do you want something to drink?"

 

"Uh, no. Thanks. What the hell's the matter with you?"

 

"What?" Harry snapped and downed the drink. He hated that he'd lost his carefully constructed composure in front of Niall, but right now, he was so pissed he couldn't care. He made another drink and stalked into the living room. "Why are you here?" he asked again as he began rolling a joint; he needed something to calm him and before he broke something.

 

"I told you, Louis invited me to sleep at his, tonight." He wrinkled his nose as he smelled what Harry was doing. "Where did you get that shit? That's not Zayn's." He took the weed out of Harry's hand like a naughty child. "Have this." He had one of Zayn's joints in his pocket and he offered it out.

 

Harry took it and finally took off the sunglasses. "After you," he said and leaned closer to Niall.

 

Niall took out his lighter and did as he was bade, sitting next to Harry. He took the first hit, and passed it over to his friend, along with the lighter.

 

Harry let out a grunt and lit it, taking a deep drag. He settled back against the couch and tilted his face up, closing his eyes and letting the smoke out. Once he felt like he wasn't about to combust, he turned to look at Niall. "So what, you have little sleepovers now?" He asked with a hint of mockery, passing the joint to Niall.

 

Niall just shrugged, but didn't reply. "You going to this fancy toff thing, too?"

 

Harry rolled his eyes. "No," he said and rubbed his face. "I don't have the energy to exchange fake smiles and have pretentious conversations. Those people aren't there for the actual charity they are just there to flash their money so they can be called 'humanitarians' and 'philanthropists'. It sickens me."

 

Niall's eyebrow went up. He didn't expect that much insight from one of the upper crust. "So why're you here, then?"

 

Harry sighed and closed his eyes. "Does it matter?" he asked, not in the mood to give Niall more insight to his dysfunctional family.

 

Niall tucked his feet up under him on the sofa. "Dude, we're smoking weed on your friend's sofa while the sun is still up. Now's the time to spill it." He was curious -- part of him wondered if maybe Mr. Styles' attraction to his own son was causing problems.

 

Harry pushed his curls out of his face and blew out a deep sigh. "Somehow, my father found out I’d been smoking weed in my room." He growled a bit. "That was yesterday night and he wasn't even home. I don't fucking know how he found out. Anyway, things escalated and suddenly my parents are fighting, blaming each other, and making a big deal of fucking nothing."

 

"Do you think your parents love you?" Niall asked, taking another toke.

 

Harry went silent for a long moment. "Their idea of love is giving me money and buying me expensive things," Harry scoffed and closed his eyes.

 

"I think your daddy loves you," Niall said. Then, when he realized what he was skirting -- worse, that he was mocking Harry and his terrible, unknown situation -- he regretted it.

 

"You don't know my dad," Harry said rather sharply. His father didn't love him; neither did his mother. He was just a decoration to them, nothing more. Harry stood up and went to get another drink.

 

While he was in the kitchen, Niall looked down at his phone to see if Mr. Styles had texted him.

 

There wasn't any news from Mr. Styles but Zayn had sent him a text a few minutes ago that read, "Got my phone back (: x !"

 

Niall sighed with relief. He kissed the screen before texting back, "Thank God! Louis is letting me stay with him tonight :)" and hoping Zayn likewise felt some relief -- or jealousy. Niall was really hoping for jealousy, but he'd settle for relief.

 

"ah...I told you, you could sneak into my room tonight but i guess you've made new rich friends ):"

 

"I didn't want to get you in trouble," Niall replied, sincerely. "You know I love you." But then he deleted that last sentence and said, "You know I'd be with you if I could." But then he deleted that and tried, "You know you're my best friend." That seemed to work, and he sent the text.

 

Harry watched Niall texting intently on his phone and stealthily snuck behind him, reading the new message that popped in over his shoulder: "I wished you'd remember that you're mine too today in school."

 

Harry raised a brow. "What happened today in school?" he asked.  

 

Niall got fiercely turned on by that text. He knew Zayn was trying to say that Niall was his best friend, but without that clause typed out, Niall was at liberty to read it romantically. He nearly leapt out of his skin when he heard Harry's voice behind him. "Rude!" he chastised bluntly. He had so much he wanted to say to Zayn, but he couldn't with Harry looming. "Go-- sit! Sit down!"

 

Harry couldn't help but playfully bite down Niall's neck but quickly moved away before Niall could smack. With a satisfied grin he curled into the couch and watched Niall. "How is lover boy doing?"

 

“We're -- you just stay out of it..." Then he closed his eyes and concentrated before he typed, "You were just so into him and things have been rocky with us. I won't feel good until we're cool again. We should talk about this in person." He clicked 'send' and to calm his nerves for what the response would be, he told Harry, "A new boy showed up today. We fought about it."

 

"Love Drama, my favorite," Harry said mockingly and smirked. "I thought he wasn't gay, so what exactly was the problem?" Niall was about to reply to him but then another text came in, it was a simple, "I have never ever put anyone before you, you know that."

 

Niall's heart broke a little bit and he curled up on himself. He bit the bullet and typed back, "You don't love me. It's going to be hard for me to come to grips with that. It's not your fault and I'm sorry." Then he looked up at Harry, pained. "Things're just tough. Make me something stiff, will you?"

 

Harry's eyes softened a bit when he saw the clear pain written all over Niall's face and he nodded silently, going to the kitchen. "Love is overrated," he said from the kitchen as he mixed the drink. "I've seen what it does to people. Louis’ still a fucking shambles." He glanced up at Niall and rolled his eyes when he saw him staring at his phone and he didn't look like he was breathing as he waited for another text. It came as Harry brought him his drink. "I'm sorry...you know I would never hurt you. We should probably talk this in person, it feels weird when I can't see you."

 

"Yeah," Niall typed back simply. "Have a good night." Then he turned off his phone and dropped it on the table. "I'm not getting into this argument with you again, Styles." He took the glass from Harry gratefully and knocked it back in one. "So this new kid -- he knows you. I think he was in your class."

 

Harry snorted. "I doubt anyone from my class would go to your school," he said with a shrug and made himself comfortable, settling back against the arm of the sofa and spreading his legs like he was ready for a blowjob. 

 

Niall noticed it, then looked away. "No, he did. He wore four hundred dollar shoes. Then tried to give them away. Fucking weirdo."

 

"Well, what's his name?"

 

"Liam something. Didn't say his last name. But he knows you."

 

"What?" Harry sat up straight at once, staring at Niall with wide eyes. "Liam? Liam Payne?" he asked incredulously.

 

Niall blinked at him, feeling the alcohol kick in. "Yep. Big, broad, handsome, makes straight boys look twice," he said sort of sourly. "Puppy-like," he sneered.

 

"Holy shit," Harry breathed, leaning forward. "Fuck, are you sure?" He was already pulling out his phone; Nicole needed to know this. He sent her a quick text. "That boy never ceases to amaze me," Harry said with a wry smile. "What the fuck," he said, still in disbelief. "He disappears for months and then he shows up at a public school!? Has he lost it?"

 

"I don't know him from before, but I'd say yes. Yes, he's definitely lost it. What is it? Who is this guy?"

 

Nicole had said a million of replies back in succession; they all consisted of lot of exclamation marks and a gross abuse of caps lock. "That guy," Harry said as he turned off his phone, knowing Nicole would call him soon. "Is the guy who broke Louis' heart."

 

Niall's eyes went wide. "The -- They guy that wouldn't out himself?"

 

"That's him," Harry said as he settled back into the couch. "I guess it isn't only Louis who went a little insane." 

 

"Oh, man..." Niall was really getting a feel for how deep this relationship went. "So, they were, like -- deeply in love, then."

 

Harry scoffed. "I don't know what the hell you could call it. It was extremely unhealthy that's for sure."

 

"Why?"

 

Harry looked at Niall. "Well, didn't Louis tell you? Not only couldn't he come out, he had a girlfriend to cover it up--while he was with Louis. And Louis was not in love, he was fucking obsessed with Liam and obviously Liam didn't love Louis as much as Louis did him." Harry sighed as if exhausted just by the remainder of it. "It was one right nightmare."

 

"We probably shouldn't tell Louis, then," Niall said thoughtfully. Then he added with a grin, "And I should probably give up on getting off with him tonight."

 

Harry went silent and looked at Niall. "You were planning on getting off with him?" he asked slowly.

 

Niall shrugged and scoffed, "Well, I mean -- It... Maybe. No. I dunno, it was possible."

 

Harry slowly moved closer to Niall until their thighs were touching and he leaned into him, his curls tickling Niall's skin. "Well, it's good thing I'm here then," he said in a slow, syrupy voice. He bit down his rosy lips as his hand slid between Niall's thighs. "I've been told I have the perfect mouth to suck dick."

 

Niall took hold of Harry's hand, not wanting him to feel how hard that made him. "Harry..." he said warily. "I was just joking..." He didn't want to do this, because of his situation with Harry's father. But... he wanted to do this because of his situation with Harry's father. And Harry's breath in his ear and the smell of his cologne so close. He felt his hole start to wink and clench needily.

 

"You're not virgin," Harry said bluntly, wriggling his hand free and letting it continue on its path to Niall's crotch. "I can tell. Have you ever had your dick sucked?"

 

Niall licked his lips. "No," he huffed, wondering how on earth Harry could tell he wasn't a virgin.

 

"Let me show you what you've been missing out on," Harry said and before Niall even had a chance to protest, he had opened his jeans with a swift motion. He slipped his large hand under the waistband of the jeans and stopped up when he realized Niall wasn't wearing anything under. "Holy shit," he said, surprised, "Easy access." And then went right in, taking Niall in his hand.

 

Niall made a small, gargled noise and pushed up into Harry's fist. Then, unable to resist, he pulled the other boy close and pressed his nose into his neck, inhaling him deeply, recalling the feeling of his daddy pushing into him over and over.

 

Harry began working him expertly, knowing exactly how to move his hand, how to flick his wrist to get a boy hard in seconds. He smirked when he felt Niall's breath labor, puffing hotly against his neck and turning him on. 

 

"Suck me," Niall panted into his ear. "I want to come in your mouth..."

 

Harry's dick twitched eagerly and he kissed Niall's neck before moving and settling between his thighs. He urged Niall to lift his hips so he could roll the jeans down to his ankles, making it easier. He softly caressed up Niall's smooth, pale thighs and slowly lowered himself, taking the tip of his hardened dick between his red lips.

 

Niall couldn't resist the curls. He stroked his fingers through them, urging Harry forward. "Goddamn you're beautiful," he slurred.

 

At that, Harry took him all the way down, letting the tip brush his throat, proud that he didn't have any gag reflex at all as he swallowed around Niall's dick.

 

"Shit, you're good at this," he panted, curling his hips as best he could. "Oh, god, yes, suck me.”

 

As his lips were stretched around Niall's cock, he used his hand to feel up Niall's thighs.

 

Niall liked that a lot. All he would've asked for was a finger in his hole and he achieved this by reaching down behind himself and slipping his index finger inside himself. "Fuck! Fuck! I'm gonna come! Gonna come!"

 

Harry groaned around the mouthful of dick when he saw where Niall was touching himself; he knew it, Niall was far from a virgin, but Harry liked them experienced anyways. He pulled off Niall's dick just to say, "Come for me then," voice raw and eyes glazed over, before he slurped the cock back into his mouth.

 

Nudging his finger deep enough to touch his spot, Niall came hard, his hips bucking and his finger rubbing deep inside himself.

 

Harry swallowed it all, a little seeping from the corner of his mouth. Once he'd sucked Niall dry, he pulled off, panting and staring up at Niall. He was so delicious, looking completely wrecked already. Harry pounced on him, taking his mouth in his in a fervent, passionate kiss.

 

Niall was a little overwhelmed. For all his experience with sex, he wasn't terribly well-versed with kissing. Outside of his awkward and ill-fated attempt at kissing Zayn, kissing Louis was as much experience as he'd gotten.

 

Once Harry noticed how uncertain and wary Niall was in the kiss, he grabbed his jaw between his fingers and patiently guided his mouth against his. "You keep surprising me," Harry panted into Niall's mouth. 

 

"Huh?" Niall could only pant against his incredible, ruby lips.

 

Harry stroked down his face, hand falling down to curl in his shirt and pull him harder against his lips. He was on top of him, pinning him firmly into Louis' sofa. Niall could only manage to pant out, "You want -- you want me to suck you?" It was only polite.

 

"I want to fuck you," Harry said, voice heavy with want and lust. His green eyes were glazed over hungrily and he pressed Niall further into the sofa. He kissed down his face, sucking into his neck and grabbing his hair. "God, please let me have you," he breathed into Niall's ear.

 

"I -- I can't," Niall gasped. "I can't do that with you." It wasn't just that that was what Harry's father did to him. Niall couldn't bear the thought of being used that way by both father and son, but it was also the terror he felt at the idea of the elder Styles finding out.

 

"Why?" Harry groaned, having an incredibly hard time restraining himself. "I'll make you feel so good, love," he purred, kissing Niall deeply on the lips, hand sliding up Niall's shirt, feeling the warm, soft skin there.

 

Niall panted a few moments, then he said, "If I let you fuck me, will you leave me alone?"

 

Harry's hand that had been dangerously close to Niall's chest stopped up and Harry stared at him. He scoffed and at once, he moved off of Niall. 

 

Niall felt like a jerk. He, of course, had behaved like a jerk. "I didn't... I didn't mean right now..."

 

Harry glanced at Niall with pointed indifference. He looked away and willed his erection to die down, not easy but he succeeded. He got to his feet and pulled his phone out. "I'll leave you alone right now," he said. "I'm going to the Charity dinner. I’d rather be there."

 

"I just --" Niall was frustrated. "I just meant, if you fucked me, would you get it out of your system? I mean, you ... You do tend to fuck people and never see them again..."

 

Harry slowly looked up from his phone. "I love that you think you know me in any way," Harry said coldly. "It's cute...and annoying."

 

Niall glared right back at him. "Fine," he snapped, pulling his pants up over his hips sharply. "Fucking fine. Get out."

 

Harry walked over and grabbed his glasses from the table. He slid them on and looked at Niall, "With pleasure," he said. "Have fun by yourself."

 

Niall didn't say anything, just glared straight ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this work is already finished :)
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	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, lovelies!
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> Can you help us out?
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> I've just learned that for some reason, my fics aren't showing up under searches...? Who knows why?? But apparently, folks are only hearing about these fics through word of mouth. If you like my fics, I can think of no better repayment then by helping spread the word! Any shares, recs, or just checking in with friends you think might like it would be greatly appreciated! Meantime, I'll check with AO3 and try to figure out the issue.
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> Apparently, Pipetrial is having the same problem :(
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> Thank you all so much, you are all so very appreciated. :)

Louis was trying to have fun. It was hard. There weren't a lot of people at this fundraiser who were his age and his mind kept wandering -- usually to unpleasant the unpleasant themes of heartbreak and loneliness. So, he was relieved as hell when he saw Harry walk in, looking a bit lost. "Haz!" he barked, weaving through the crowd to get to him.

 

“Hey," Harry said and studied Louis briefly; he didn't seem to know about Liam resurfacing, so far, so good. Harry grabbed a glass of champagne from a by-passing waiter. 

 

"Jesus. Did you come here drunk? And high? That smells like Niall's shit."

 

"It is," Harry grumbled slightly, before he turned thoughtful. "Why is enjoying sex suddenly a bad thing?"

 

Louis sighed. "What happened?"

 

"He told me I could fuck him if it meant I would leave him alone. He more or less called me a manwhore. He's a judgmental little shit."

 

"Who?"

 

"Niall," Harry said with a roll of his eyes.

 

Louis stared at him. "Styles. You are a manwhore.”

 

"Okay, I'm not in the mood for this, bye," Harry said and turned on his heels, walking away quickly; intent on leaving all together. Unfortunately, he ran directly into his dad before he even had a chance to get to the exit. He panicked because he smelled faintly of weed and alcohol.

 

Mr. Styles took Harry firmly by the elbow and started marching him through the hall. He didn't seem to mind the looks they were getting. He took his son into a small antechamber and shut the door behind them. "Care to explain yourself?"

 

Harry ripped his arm out of his father's grip. "Calm down, Jesus," he grumbled. He really wasn't in the mood for this.

 

"You were there, Harry! You heard your mother and I go hammer and tongs over you! She wants to take you to live with her! Do you want that?" His wife wasn't the breadwinner. She lived well, but not like her husband. And the last thing Styles wanted was Harry taken away from him.

 

"Don't fucking talk like either of you give a rat's ass about me! You're just using me as a weapon against each other!" Harry knew this and he also believed that they didn't know what it meant to love your child; for fuck's sake they were never even home.

 

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can't you behave for once! I'm your father, Harry!" ‘I'm your father’ was as close as Styles could bring himself to telling his son he loved him. Those words were too disturbing for him.

 

"Yeah, sure, you want to be my father now? You've barely been in my life! Get back to those people who are more important to you! Just leave me alone!"

 

Harry took hold of his son's lapel and pulled him in close. He couldn't smell the cologne or his Harry-ness beneath all the weed, but he could feel his curls against his face and that really did it for him. "You have to leave, Harry. I am not having you embarrass me by being an addled wreck in front of these people. Call the driver and have him take you home immediately."

 

Harry's face flashed with hurt; he'd know that his father cared more about his godforsaken image and reputation than he did him. "I thought so," he snapped and pushed past him.

 

Louis saw him come out of the antechamber and approached him. "Hey -- Hey, what happened? You ok?"

 

Harry was having a hard time keeping his mask from cracking. "I'm fine," he muttered, making his way out of this shitty place.

 

Louis watched him go, deciding to check up on him again after he'd calmed down.

 

~*~

 

When Zayn told his father that he was going to a new boy's house to do a project, he didn't believe him. Zayn couldn't blame him; he had broken his trust more times than what was acceptable. His father told him Liam could come over if he was really telling the truth. So, Zayn found the fancy little business card and called Liam.

 

Liam was very agreeable and was at Zayn's a few minutes later. His parents could tell the boy was excellently well bred and he was clean and well-dressed -- the opposite of Niall. Mr. Malik was so obviously pleased, he even sent Zayn an approving look as if to say ''this is the kind of people you should surround yourself with''. Zayn could even hear his voice in his head.

 

He said nothing, just whisked Liam to his room after he'd greeted on his parents and sister—proper handshakes and all. "So, this is my room," Zayn said and gestured around the space that was filled with band posters, drawings, paintings and a whole lot of mess; he slowly realized that he maybe should have cleaned. 

 

"Nice. I like it." Liam would've liked anything -- and genuinely, too. "Your family is wonderful."

 

"Thanks," Zayn said, smiling. "Um, so we can work at the desk," Zayn trailed off when he saw the papers of tattoo sketches filling his desk, "or the bed?" 

 

"Wherever you're most comfortable," he said, also catching sight of the sketches. "Did you draw these?"

 

"Oh, yeah…" Zayn said. He'd always been a little shy to show anyone his work; other than Niall of course. 

 

"What's it for?"

 

"Tattoos," Zayn said and displayed one of the sketches for his guest. "Niall and I have been talking about getting one together, so I've been trying to work out a design. It's the Irish shamrock and the Islamic crescent."

 

"Oh... that's sweet," Liam smiled at him. Really, it was romantic, but... he didn't want to weird the guy out. "Do you have a lot of tattoos?"

 

"Nope, my parents wouldn't approve, but I'm getting one anyway," he said with a small smirk. "Do you like tattoos?"

 

Liam grinned. "They're awesome. But my parents wouldn't allow me, either. They're kind of... old fashioned, I guess."

 

"Then get one," Zayn said, grinning back. "I always say what they don’t know won't hurt them."

 

"Maybe. I think I've put them through too much recently as it is."

 

Zayn gave Liam a short, curious look but didn't ask immediately. He moved some clothes from the bed over to his desk chair and gestured for Liam to take a seat. "You strike me as a good kid," Zayn said. "Not one who'd go against his parents in any way."

 

Liam's eyebrows went up a little bit. "They're melting down over me changing schools. They're trying everything to get me to go back."

 

"Oh that," Zayn smirked. "I guess you have your reasons." Like Zayn wasn't practically salivating to know, but he wasn't going to show that.

 

Liam smiled gently at him. He shrugged a little bit. "Just had a falling out, is all."

 

Zayn nodded; he knew that Niall would probably get all the dirty details from that Louis guy. "I see," he said and ran a hand through his product-free hair. 

 

Liam looked away. Zayn sure was pretty. Of course, he had no romantic interest in anything at the moment -- his heart was absolutely shattered and he felt it as if it was a tangible thing. Sometimes he held himself oddly because of it. His parents thought he was broken. "Um... So, you ever read this? Catcher in the Rye? It's actually really good," he said, as he sat on the bed.

 

"No," Zayn gave a sheepish little smile, "I don't think I've ever read any book they give us in school." He always managed to pass by reading summaries and notes on the internet. "I like comic books though,” he said with a sort of shy smile, pointing to the corner of the room where he had them stacked.

 

Liam blinked at the tower. "Oh, man... My parents would never let me read comics! That's awesome!"

 

"Yeah?" Zayn said, surprised. He'd thought people like Liam would think themselves above that. "You can borrow some from me, if you'd like."

 

Liam went over to the stack and traced his fingers over the spines. "That would be so cool. My parents would freak out if they found one in my room, though. Maybe I can come over here and read them?"

 

Zayn went over as well, smiling. "Yeah, sure," Zayn said. "I'm thinking of getting a tattoo related to comics, like I was thinking," Zayn moves over to his desk and finds the sketch he's searching for, “a ‘Zap!’ tattoo, something like this."

 

Liam traced his fingers over that, too. He liked to touch things. "Where? On your arm? That's so cool."

 

"Right here," Zayn said with a grin and pointed at his bicep just where his short sleeve ended.

 

Liam lifted a hand to touch that, too, but checked himself. "That's gonna be so awesome," he said, genuinely in awe. "You know when you play Mario Kart and there are those arrows that make you go really fast? I'd love to get those here," he said, tracing his outer forearm. Then he shrugged as if to say 'it'll never happen'.

 

"Dude, you should totally get that!" Zayn said, imagining the ink on Liam's skin. "By the end of the day, they’re our bodies and we're gonna be adults soon anyways." Zayn loved his family, but he couldn't wait till he could move out and experience the world for himself.

 

Liam took a deep breath. He couldn't ever imagine life out from under the thumb of his parents. "Yeah. I suppose you're right. You wanna maybe bang this thing out, then maybe you can teach me about comics?"

 

Zayn smirked. "Sure. But I was serious when I said that I'm not gonna be of much help."

 

"I can do it," Liam replied, going a bit pink. "You can just draw me some stuff and I'll throw it all together."

 

"You blush more than even Niall," Zayn teased and flopped down on the bed.

 

Liam touched his face. "I'm not blushing!" He might've been, a little bit.

 

"Don't worry, it's cute," Zayn smiled but his smile faltered a bit when he realized what he'd said; where the fuck did that come from? He coughed awkwardly. "Is it alright if I smoke before we start?" He was already on his way to sit on the windowsill.

 

"Uh, yeah," Liam said, really not expecting or prepared for something like that. He didn't know how to take it.

 

Zayn opened the window and struggled a bit with the lighter. He took a deep drag of the cigarette and blew it out of the window. 

 

Liam just tried to concentrate on the work. This was an easy assignment he knew he could finish in an hour.

 

Zayn watched Liam work concentrated for a moment. He knew the best thing to do was to try to get something out of this assignment, so he could possibly raise his grades and get his parents off his back. He turned his gaze back outside and pulled out his phone, checking to see if there was anything new.

 

A text on Zayn's phone read, "OMG, Liam Payne is at your school now!?"

 

It was Nicole and Zayn glanced up at Liam. "Tell me what you know about him," he sent back.

 

"Ohmigod, he broke Louis' heart and just fucking disappeared."

 

Zayn's eyes widened. He had yet to meet this Louis, but Niall seemed to think he was an all right guy. He glanced at Liam who was deeply engrossed writing something down. 'Why? What happened?'

 

"Wouldn't come out," Nicole replied.

 

Zayn stared at the reply for a moment, he glanced at Liam again, "Why?" he typed out, beyond curious now.

 

"He’s a freak. We're still pissed at him. Louis' destroyed."

 

Zayn chewed on his lip. "You all took Louis' side? What about him?" Zayn sent the text and looked back at Liam. He still reminded Zayn of a puppy and he was obviously torn about what had happened; you'd have to be to come from a private school to a public one.

 

"You haven't seen Louis. He didn't deserve that. Liam's a coward."

 

"I'm sure it was hard for him to make that decision, kind of shitty to turn against him."

 

"You don't have any idea what happened, don’t you dare think you have the right to judge. you don’t know anything." Nicole's texting fell apart somewhat, she was so irate.

 

Zayn rolled his eyes a bit even though he knew she was right, for some reason he felt like he needed to stand up for Liam; that feeling only increased upon what seemed like his friends all abandoning him. "Sorry, you're right." he typed back, because he was still hoping to get it on with Nicole.

 

Then the text came, "Even my boyfriend is mad at him." It was a text absolutely empty of any meaning except that Nicole clearly wanted him to know there was someone she referred to as 'my boyfriend'.

 

Zayn stared at the text, surprised. She obviously wanted him to know that she had a boyfriend, but what the actual fuck, he'd barely been grounded for a week and she already have a freaking boyfriend? "Boyfriend??" he typed back and couldn't deny that his attraction to her just tripled. 

 

"It happened at the yacht party :)" The smiley face was a bit thick.

 

Zayn blinked. Niall never told him that. Did she get a boyfriend to make him jealous? "How beautiful :)" He hoped the sarcasm translated through the text.

 

"Yep! So far so good. Sad I haven't seen you in a while."

 

Zayn smirked; he knew exactly what she was doing. "Maybe we could see each other soon," he sent back, already working on a way to get this house-arrest lifted. He glanced at Liam and a perfect idea hit him; his father obviously thought well of Liam, he'd let him work on the assignment at Liam's place next time.

 

Liam sensed he was being watched. He looked up, his eyebrows lifting slightly.

 

Zayn just gave him a sweet smile; Liam was definitely going to be his pass to freedom.

 

~*~

 

Niall had spent the night cuddled up with Louis. They had talked out the whole Harry situation and Louis had assured him that Harry could just be like that -- and that Niall wasn't wrong to not sleep with him (although he could never tell Harry he said so).

 

Louis had lent him a shirt, which Niall was a little self-conscious about, but he didn't want to show up to school wearing the same thing twice -- clothes were becoming an issue. This resulted in Niall walking through the doors of the cafeteria wearing a striped T with a cat face on it. It was weird, but... well, so was Louis.

 

Zayn's father dropped Zayn off at school pretty early and Zayn went to the roof of the cafeteria--his and Niall's favorite spot--sending the boy a quick text, "Meet me on the roof (: x"

 

Niall was on the roof waiting for him. "We're gonna miss first period," he warned, in case that was more important to Zayn at the moment.

 

"It's History, Mr. Jefferson doesn't give a shit," Zayn said with a shrug and a small smile. He pulled his beanie down his hair, feeling a bit awkward. "What's with the shirt?" he asked, once he noticed what Niall was wearing.

 

"Uh, it's Louis'. He thought it was funny." Niall shrugged and rolled his eyes.

 

"It's weird," Zayn said with a small laugh. "So this Louis is weird as well, no wonder he and Liam were together."

 

Niall folded his lips together. "You and Liam hang out?"

 

"Um...we had to do that thing in English together," Zayn said, a bit wary, knowing how Niall felt about it. 

 

Niall's lips went wobbly for a moment, but he nodded. If they had been paired together in that assignment, Niall still wouldn’t have been allowed to see him. "How'd it go?"

 

"He did all the work, obviously," Zayn said with a shrug, "and then he went home." He purposefully let out the 'small' detail that he'd invited Liam to come over whenever he wanted to read his comics. They read comics for a whole couple of hours after Liam had finished the assignment admirably quickly.

 

Niall just nodded. He was jealous as all hell, but there was nothing he could say to that. All that came out was, "Oh. Nice guy?"

 

Zayn nodded slowly. "Yeah, but I missed someone I could share my cigarette with," Zayn said with a smile and pulled out his pack of cigarettes, offering Niall one. 

 

Niall took it, gratefully. He let Zayn light his and winced hard as he struggled to find the words he wanted to say to his friend.

 

"He's not you," Zayn blurted after lighting the cigarette. He wondered if that came out right. "I...Niall, you're my best friend, now and forever, there's no one who understands me the way you do. Why do you think a new kid is going to come between over a decade of friendship?"

 

"Because he's new and exciting and not in love with you," Niall said matter-of-factly, unable to look at him.

 

Zayn shifted, a bit uncomfortable. He still didn't know how to deal with Niall being in actual love with him. More often than not, he pretended he didn't know. It was easier, but never lasted long. "...you're still...you're still you," Zayn said after a moments of silence. "I'm not going to replace you. Ever." Even though it probably was his father's wish; he'd made it clear as soon as Liam had left.

 

Niall couldn't look up. "You say that, but I can feel it happening."

 

"Niall, it's been one day! You've been hanging out with those rich kids for the last few days, you don't see me accusing you of replacing me."

 

"Because you haven't grossed me out!"

 

"There it is! That's what this is all about?" Zayn shook his head and stared at Niall. "You didn't gross me out. You surprised me. That's all."

 

Niall just grimaced. He took a drag of his cigarette and went to go sit on the ledge of the roof. When he glanced up at Zayn, there was genuine fear in his eyes. "So... Just so we're completely, absolutely clear, there's -- There's no way... Ever that you would-- Ever-- With me?"

 

Zayn went over to Niall, a part of him genuinely afraid that Niall might jump. "Would ever what?" he asked, sitting down next to Niall, stealing the cigarette and taking a drag.

 

"You know what," Niall said darkly.

 

Zayn was silent for a long moment. "I'm curious," he said then, not meeting Niall's gaze.

 

"About what?" Niall asked, expecting a follow-up answer.

 

Zayn let out a small sigh and rubbed his face. "I don't know," he said, sounding confused, "I like girls, a lot. But I'm...like, I wouldn't mind seeing what it's like with boys."

 

Two enormous, shocked, bright blue eyes flashed at him, and then Niall winced and let out a pathetic chuckle. "Oh, Jesus."

 

Zayn felt his face heat up a bit, he couldn't quite believe he'd actually admitted to that. "I don't know," he said again with a small shrug, "I'm not even sure I would like it? I just..." he sighed, "...I just don't know."

 

"I was thinking... more along the lines of if you could love me, but I guess... That's a big part of it, huh?"

 

"Sometimes friendships are stronger than anything else," Zayn said quietly and shrugged. "I guess I'm afraid if we tried anything else it'd ruin everything and it's not like my parents are your biggest supporters."

 

"That's not what I --" Niall shook his head. "I want to know if you think you could love me... like that." His heart was pounding so hard in his chest, he didn't know if he could even hear Zayn's answer over it, anyway.

 

Zayn thought about it, really gave it some thought. He'd been through thick and thin with Niall, they knew each other the best, they'd shares tears and laughs and they had something, Zayn knew that, something he treasured so very much. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he turned to look at Niall. "You've always been my favorite person," he said with a smile, "so I guess...yeah, why not?"

 

Those words made fanfare explode in Niall's chest and he thought he would faint. He actually took hold of Zayn's arm for a second, just to make sure he didn't fall off the building. He felt like crying. "Shit," he wheezed. "I don't know what to do."

 

Zayn grinned, that grin that made his eyes squint and his tongue press against the back of his teeth. "I don't know either," he said. "Kiss me maybe?" Zayn wasn't even sure if he was joking or actually meaning it. It was weird and different, because this was still Niall whom he'd grown up with.

 

That sobered Niall up a bit. He looked at Zayn closely -- really intricately. "Is this stupid?" he asked. "Should we wait til you're sure? We'd lose so much -- everything."

 

"Yeah, that's probably for the best," Zayn said with a nod and looked down. It was true, they'd lose so much if it went wrong and Zayn didn't want to be the one to ruin it.

 

Niall winced. "Well, shit. I'm lost again." He bit down into his lower lip. "Can... Maybe we should kiss anyway? I mean... so you can see?"

 

Zayn looked up at Niall. "I don't know," he said, because he felt lost too. "I don't want to...y'know, hurt you."

 

Niall was getting a bit of whiplash. The thought he was about to dive into everything he'd ever wanted and now he was sidelined again. "Yeah," he said, kind of dully, as if this wasn't killing him already.

 

Zayn looked at Niall. "Ah, fuck it," he said and took a leap of faith. He cradled Niall's chin and pressed their lips together.

 

Niall's toes immediately curled and his hips did the same. He forgot how to breathe, but it was paradise anyway. He reached out and took hold of Zayn's hoodie, to pull him closer. And he found himself grateful for Harry Styles -- that crash course in kissing he'd gotten last night gave him the courage to really go for it.

 

Zayn was gentle at first, experimenting, trying it out. He nibbled softly on Niall's bottom lip, his hand moving to cradle the back of Niall's neck and move him more firmly against his lips. It was so different, not just because it was a boy, but because it was Niall. 

 

Niall wrapped his arm around Zayn's waist and held him tight. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into Zayn's lap, but he felt that might be a bit forward. It didn't stop him from bending his knee and letting it slide up Zayn's leg.

 

There were no soft curves pressing against him, just straight lines and planes; Zayn liked it. When Niall bent his knee, Zayn per instinct grabbed it and draped it over his leg, keeping his hand there. He slid his tongue between Niall's pink lips, deepening the kiss.

 

This was going to fuck up everything. Absolutely everything and Niall could feel it. But he could also feel Zayn's heartbeat and that was far more appealing to concentrate on. He lifted himself into Zayn's lap and kissed him even more passionately, feeling he may not be able to leave this roof without giving his friend a blow job.

 

"Jesus," Zayn panted into the kiss, hands wandering, stroking down Niall's body, curling around his waist and keeping him in place. He was getting increasingly hotter and it was as confusing as it was fantastic. Their lips slotted perfectly together, growing wetter, more feverish.

 

Niall was shaking slightly; he'd wanted this for so long, had dreamed about this for what felt like half of his life -- hell, his entire fucking life. "Are you hard?" he panted into Zayn's mouth.

 

Niall shifted and his ass ground against Zayn's hardening dick. Zayn moaned softly into the kiss. "God, yes," he said and he knew that maybe this was going further than either of them had planned but he swore he couldn't stop his hands when they curled into Niall's hips to keep him exactly where he was, his own hips bucking up.

 

Niall yelped softly and took a fistful of Zayn's shirt. "Zayn," he nuzzled him. "God, Zayn, I'm so in love with you." He said it because it was true -- Oh, God, was it ever true. But it was also a warning -- this was real for Niall, even if to Zayn it was just an experiment and he didn't want his friend to forget it.

 

Zayn understood Niall's words and he took rains of his raging teenage hormones. "Tell me to stop, Niall," he said, voice thick, "or I don't think I will." He felt out of his depths because he was getting rock hard by Niall, the boy he'd seen as his best friend, his little brother and right now, all he wanted was to dry hump till they got off like the hormonal teenage boys they were.

 

"I can't," Niall said into his neck, where he kissed him over and over. "Don't stop--" He couldn't ever tell Zayn to stop. Instead, he ground down, feeling Zayn's thick girth rub against his own through their jeans.

 

Zayn groaned and bit down Niall's shoulder through the material of his shirt. He grabbed Niall's thighs and moved them back from the edge of the roof. He bucked up, desperate for more friction, kissing along Niall neck.

 

Niall sunk his fingers in Zayn's silky black hair and moaned wantonly. He knew there was so much amazing sex he could introduce to Zayn, but now this dry rutting was the best they could hope for. "God, every time I get off, I think about you fucking me," he purred to his friend before sucking on his earlobe.

 

Zayn choked a bit; no girl he'd ever been with had been so straight-forward and honestly, he never thought he'd hear Niall talk dirty. But then again, he never thought he'd been kissing and rutting against his best friend. "Fuck," he groaned and experimentally let his hand dip down and take a handful of Niall firm, little ass.

 

That really did it for Niall and he leaned in and nuzzled Zayn, gently, sweetly kissing his lips. Zayn happily went along, kissing back, licking filthily into Niall's mouth with his hand tangled in the hair at the back of his head; the way he knew girls loved. 

 

Niall moaned appreciatively and quickly rocked himself closer to orgasm. Zayn could feel himself getting close, too, he just needed a bit more leverage. He held Niall against him and lifted him up, getting to his feet. He pressed Niall against the door to the roof, grabbed his thigh and draped it over his hip. Then he began properly grinding against him, using the wall for leverage, the friction against their clothed erection painfully delicious.

 

"Aw, fuck!" Niall panted, dropping his head back against the door. He really liked Zayn manhandling him. Oh, God, did he like Zayn's powerful hands guiding him around like a doll. That, more than anything was what made him come, bucking hard into Zayn's crotch and making a mess of his pants.

 

Zayn watched Niall's face, curious and attentive. The way his mouth dropped open, cheeks flushed scarlet and eyes clenched shut. Zayn followed right behind, biting gently into Niall's shoulder as he came too. He fell against Niall, panting hard. He felt his sticky come seep into his shorts and he said with a breathless chuckle, "We did not think this through."

 

"No," Niall said, holding him so tight and panting against his neck. The next hour bell would be ringing soon. "Louis gave me a key to his place. We could go back there."

 

Zayn nuzzled Niall's neck. "You've gotten close awfully fast."

 

"We have a lot in common," he said, swallowing. He hoped Zayn wouldn't give in to the reformation his parents wanted of him, and that he would be fine skipping another class. "Come on?"

 

Zayn hesitated; it was only the second day of school. "If my father finds out..." Zayn said, not having to finish the sentence.

 

Niall sighed. "It's up to you. I won't pressure you." But it was clear he really, really didn't want to break this intimacy they'd just formed.

 

Zayn looked at Niall for a moment, before he poked his nose against Niall's cheek. "Will we actually do this?" he asked with pretense innocence

 

Niall sighed. With some of the lust burnt off, there was a lot of fear exposed. "I... I don't know. I suppose it's up to you." He swallowed. "Just -- will you promise me something?"

 

"What?" Zayn asked a bit wary.

 

"Don't experiment with anyone else? If it's going to be a boy... Just please let it be me?"

 

"I can do that," Zayn said with a nod. "But...I still like girls." Girls with boyfriends, like Nicole.”

 

That was when Niall really felt it. That pain, agonizing pain deep in his belly. This wasn't for Zayn what it was for him -- Zayn didn't feel that way about him. "Ok," he said, trying to sound reasonable. "I don't want to hear about that -- ever."

 

"You won't," Zayn said in understanding. He felt guilty, but he couldn't help that he was attracted to girls and in such a fucked up way. "I promise."

 

Niall took a few deep breaths. "Just... be mindful of me, yeah?" He knew he was trusting Zayn with the most vulnerable part of him; if mishandled, he wasn't certain he would ever be able to put himself back together.

 

"Hey...you know I care about you a lot," Zayn said softly and gently stroked Niall's cheek, eyes soft. "I would never intentionally hurt you."

 

"I know, but you could hurt me really, really easily," Niall insisted. "Intentionally or not." He swallowed and studied his shoes for a moment. "If this is too much, Zayn, tell me now."

 

"You tell me," Zayn said quietly. "I don't know where the limits are anymore...it's all so...different from before, yeah? I don't know." 

 

"I don't either," Niall said. Everything was different. There was really no going back now. "I just can't lose you. You're -- you're everything to me, Zayn, you know that. More than any sex we could have, I love you more than that, y'know?"

 

"You mean a lot to me too," Zayn said with a gentle smile, "Before everything you're my best friend. You're the one I trust with everything. You and no one else."

 

Niall hugged him firmly. A real hug, unpolluted by anything other than love. "Then we'll just feel our way through this, yeah? Just promise you won't ever hide anything from me."

 

Zayn hugged him back and let out a soft sigh. "Ok," he said, even though he weren't sure were the limit of 'anything' went-- he wasn't going to tell him that he really wanted to sleep with Nicole. Things were getting complicated but he still said, "Promise."

 

Niall was definitely thinking along the same lines and he said softly, "Except the girl stuff. I mean, you know -- tell me if it gets too weird or... I dunno," he smiled self-deprecatingly, "or if you want more or something. Just talk to me."

 

Zayn nodded silently and pulled back to kiss Niall firmly between his brows. "Ok," he said, smiling softly. "You can talk to me too, yeah? About y'know, anything."

 

Niall nodded, except all he had to say was the same thing over and over: I love you, please don't hurt me, I love you, please don't hurt me, I love you, please don't hurt me. "Ok. I'm gonna go to Louis'... He's letting me stay there until my mom leaves." The bell rang and Niall smiled at him. "I'll have to tell you that whole story -- Louis and Harry. Drama."

 

"Let's go to class," Zayn said. "You don't want to skip alone."

 

Niall wanted to protest. He really, really wanted a change of pants. But it was Zayn asking. "Ok," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Just because it's you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this work is already finished :) And it is one wild, wild journey! Glad to have you with us!
> 
> We would love to know what you think.  
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	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's a wild ride! Hang in there, babies, I promise we gotcher back!
> 
> Also, mild trigger warning for mentions of incestuous feelings.
> 
> And I hate to beg, but we still aren't showing up in search results, so your shares are scrumptious and much loved. XO.

Niall was pretty grossed out by hanging out in his own come-wet pants all day, but when he remembered why they were like that, he felt better. He sat at Zayn's shoulder, eating the bag of crisps he'd bought from the vending machine for lunch and wondered where he was going to get clean clothes for however long he was homeless.

 

"This is really fucking uncomfortable," Zayn muttered. He was beginning to regret not going home and changing his pants. He divided his chicken sandwich in two and gave Niall one.

 

Niall smiled at him adoringly and offered him his bag of crisps. "We could go to Louis'. Seriously, he wouldn't mind if we used his shower. We could make it back by the second bell."

 

"Back from where?" Liam asked as he approached with a full lunch tray and a completely different look than he'd had yesterday -- he looked like he'd gone to Good Will and bought the plainest, most inoffensive items he could find.

 

Zayn let out a surprised laugh. "Shit, Liam, what are you wearing?" he asked. Liam looked like he was trying way too hard and failing miserably at that.

 

Liam looked down at his shirt. "I just -- I bought some new clothes. To fit in. I mean I look like you, now, don't...." But he stopped mid sentence when he saw what Niall was wearing. "Where did you get that shirt?"

 

Niall looked down at it. "It's Louis'. Louis Tomlinson. You know him?" Of course he knew that Liam knew Louis, he just wanted to rub it in and make the kid fuck off. Liam went a little pale. Then he looked at Zayn for some sort of explanation or clarification, but he was shocked to silence. Without another word, he turned on his heel and left the table.

 

Zayn immediately felt bad. "We should...check on him," he said and looked at Niall. 

 

"Why? He's not our responsibility." He'd lain in bed all night, listening to Louis' stories. He'd seen Louis cry, how vulnerable he was under his show of cocky recklessness. The picture he'd painted of Liam wasn't a particularly pretty one.

 

"It's basic human decency," Zayn replied with small frown. He could see the pain in Liam's eyes and he didn't want to push him away. He also felt bad that he knew about Liam from his so called friends. "Let’s check on him," he insisted.

 

"You don't know him, Liam! He's a jerk!" Niall called after him, but he didn't want to go with Zayn. He wouldn't -- he was sort of mad that after their revelation this morning, Zayn would blatantly ignore him in favor of Liam.

 

Zayn searched the cafeteria for Liam and saw him looking awfully alone at an empty table; he looked like a kicked puppy. Liam had his head in his hands, hiding his face as he curled over his lunch tray, clearly not interested in eating.

 

Zayn wanted to slide in next to him and put an arm around him, but he wasn't sure they'd reached that far in their friendship yet. So instead, he slid into the seat across from Liam. "Hey," he said gently, "you ok?"

 

Liam nodded, but he didn't look up. There was a snotty snort from under his hand that indicated some sort of crying.

 

Zayn bit the inside of his cheek and cautiously reached over, touching his shoulder. "Do you want to get out of here?" There were too many kids in this place who were probably salivating for drama.

 

"I'll get it together," Liam said, scrubbing at his face and keeping his head down. "I just didn't... I didn't expect to come here and... first people I meet... and he's... y'know... him and Louis...."

 

"Him and Louis?" Zayn asked, confused. He was getting the feeling that Liam was jumping to a wrong conclusion.

 

"I mean, what are the odds?" Liam asked, his voice lifting a little too much to be comfortable. "I left that school to get away from him. Away from _them_ , from everything about Madison and the very first people I meet are -- are-- You know him! What are the odds?"

 

"I know, that really sucks," Zayn said sympathetically and rubbed Liam's shoulder. "But it's more of a professional relationship we have with them--at least for me. I would even say I know you better than I know them." He knew it was different for Niall and he could already feel it becoming a problem between them.

 

Liam sniffed, rubbing his nose. "I suppose they've... Did you tell them I was here?"

 

"They know," Zayn said with a guilty expression, even though it had been Niall who'd asked about him. 

 

Liam winced hard. "I was trying to... To run away. To start over. To never, ever.... hear from them or... let them know I still exist, I just --" He had to hide his face again. "The first.... damn people I meet." Clearly, Liam didn't swear much but, in this instance, was pushed to it.

 

"I'm sorry," Zayn said sincerely. "We've barely known them for a week, so it's a bit of a coincidence. I guess I'd understand if you didn't want anything to do with me or Niall." He really hoped not, because he genuinely liked Liam; he was odd, but he was just really nice. And he knew he was already taking Liam's side in whatever drama had went down.

 

Liam hid his face. "I feel like I have to change schools again, honestly. I just want them to forget I exist. All of them, I want them to forget." He took a deep breath. "I suppose they told you everything."

 

"They told me their side of the story," Zayn said. "I've yet to hear yours. And Liam, I probably don't have any right to tell you this, but I don't think running is going to solve anything."

 

Liam snorted hard. "What did they tell you?"

 

"Niall talked to Louis, and I'm not sure what Louis told him, but Nicole texted me something about you breaking Louis’ heart and then disappearing," Zayn said and studied Liam closely; he still had a hard time believing that this boy could harm anything or anyone. He was sure there was more to the story than just making Liam out to be the big, bad guy.

 

"No one tell you... No one tell you what I did?"

 

"No," Zayn said, getting a bit nervous now. "What did you do?"

 

Liam folded his lips together as he thought about it. Then he said, "I... It was at a party. Louis and I... We'd been seeing each other for a long time. Having sex. We'd told each other we loved each other and he was pressuring me to come out. I told him I would and... He threw this party. I had an idea that maybe it was where he wanted me to ... y'know... tell everyone. To declare our love to the world. Louis always liked big gestures... Just... Everyone was there. Everyone: kids whose parents were friends with my parents. Kids whose parents were part of the school board. Just -- everyone. And, right in front of them all, Louis came up and kissed me and I... I freaked out. I freaked out. I told him to get off me and I called him a fag in front of everyone and I... I left. Like he disgusted me." Liam couldn't stop the tears and he pulled his coat up over his head to hide himself. "That's what I did."

 

"Oh," is all that came out of Zayn. He hadn't expected that and it was worse than he'd thought. "Oh," he said again, because it reminded him when Niall first kissed him and accused him of being disgusted by him. He looked at Liam silently for a moment. "Is it because of your parents?" Zayn asked carefully. "They homophobes?"

 

"It's not my parents," Liam's diaphragm was convulsing, making it difficult for him to speak. "I mean, it is, I just-- Can we get out of here? Please?"

 

Liam looked so sad that Zayn immediate reply was, "Yeah, of course." He then remembered Niall and he looked back at where he'd left him. His friend looked anything but happy; he looked pissed. Zayn shot him a look that asked him to please be a bit understanding.

 

Niall held his hands out like 'What the fuck are you doing?'

 

Zayn sent him a look and a gesture that he hoped translated as 'Liam needs someone. I'll be right back' as he lead Liam out of the cafeteria.

 

Niall couldn't fucking believe it. After everything -- their conversation, Niall's plea that Zayn be sensitive to him, that he was insecure about Liam -- and then this. He pulled out his phone and texted Louis, 'Maybe Harry's right. Love is bullshit.'

 

He got a text back the next second, "Nooo! Rule number three; Harry's never right. What happened?"

 

'Shit went down,' Niall wrote, not thinking it wise to tell Louis that much of this revolved around Liam. 'I'll tell you after school'

 

Louis sent Niall another text, "Can't wait to hear! And Harry is in a pissy mood today."

 

'Because of me?' Niall texted back.

 

"No. Family drama," Louis texted back.

 

'Again? It's constant with him," Niall texted back.

 

‘His parents are arguing over who he should stay with.’

 

'Who does he want to stay with?'

 

"He doesn't tell me. But it's really a choice between two evils. I personally think his father cares about him more. His mother sees him more like accessory than her actual child."

 

'he'll be able to live on his own in a little bit, won't he?' Niall texted.

 

"Fun fact; Harry is younger than the rest of us. He's first turning 17 in 4 months."

 

Niall sighed and shook his head, stuffing his phone in his pocket. Harry’s situation was bad, and he recognized that; still, it was better than his.

 

~

 

Liam led Zayn to his beautiful BMW that he parked far from the school. Once they were inside, he wiped his nose on a handkerchief he had in the car. "You don't... seem too freaked out by the gay stuff."

 

Zayn rubbed his shoulder and said with a smile, "Well, my best friend is as gay as they come and I think I might be bi." 

 

"Oh," Liam nodded. "So... is Niall your.....?"

 

Zayn's eyes widened a bit. "Oh no...we're just.." he trailed off because what on earth were they? Best friends that got off together? "Friends," he said then, because he couldn't tell Liam when he was so unsure himself.

 

Liam nodded. "Oh... Well. I want. I want to be a politician," he said softly. Then he looked at Zayn and smiled very shyly. "I want to be president."

 

Zayn's eyes widened. "Oh! That's fucking awesome!" he said brightly. "So, I could actually be looking at the future president. I can brag about having known you when you were still young and dumb." Zayn clapped his hands, laughing.

 

Liam laughed at him softly. "Yeah. Hopefully. I mean, I want that. Really, I'm not... some dewy eyed four year old. I want to be the President of the United States. And," pain flashed starkly across his face, "I can't do that if I'm gay."

 

Zayn's eyes softened. "Why? Is there an actual rule for that?" he asked, genuinely confused. "I mean, the majority of people are accepting of gay and gay rights."

 

Liam shook his head. "No. The people who support campaigns generally aren't. They'll say they're fine with gays so long as it looks good to the voters, but they're really not. Rich people... Zayn, rich people aren't nice."

 

"Oh...maybe--maybe you can change that! Be the first gay president! I mean, who says it can't happen? 50 years ago nobody thought there'd be a black president and there was! You could make history!" Zayn's eyes were bright and enthusiastic.

 

Liam gave him a flimsy smile. "Thanks, Zayn." He'd clearly gone over all of this a million times. And at least half of those times were with Louis. "And my parents... They would disown me. That much is true."

 

"That is really tough," Zayn said and gently stroked Liam's shoulder. He swallowed a bit, knowing his father's reaction if he knew he was not only still seeing Niall but also kissing him. "I don't think my parents would be any happier...and my grandparents...they’re very traditional. They'd have stroke."

 

Liam nodded. "You see why I ran." Then he winced again, like people with agonizing migraines would. "And the worst part is, I loved him -- I love him. Louis, I really... I still, I really, really love him."

 

The boy across from him was one sad puppy and Zayn couldn't stop himself when he wrapped his arms around Liam's shoulder in a hug, rubbing down his back. "I'm really sorry," he said softly. "I understand why you did what you did."

 

Liam's nose started running again and he was sniffing compulsively. "Have you... You haven't told your parents that you're... into boys? A little?"

 

"No," Zayn said quickly, shaking his head, "and I don't think I'm ever going to."

 

Liam nodded. "My parents are a little wacky. But I love them." He winced again. "I love _Louis_... and what I did to him... Oh, God..." he put his hands over his face.

 

"Maybe...maybe you should talk to him? From what I heard, he's pretty torn up."

 

Liam shook his head. "Harry and the rest of them swore they'd stomp my head in if I went near him."

 

"Do you want to though?" Zayn asked, drawing circles on Liam's back.

 

Liam shook his head, no. "I couldn't face him. I couldn't ever face him."

 

"But you have to," Zayn said, gentle but firm. "You love each other and you need each other. You'll find a way to be together."

 

Liam shook his head 'no'. He was firm, there would be no shifting him. "Class will start soon. I have to get myself together."

 

Zayn nodded and pulled back from the embrace. He watched Liam dry his eyes and cheeks. "If you...you know, need a friend or just someone to talk to...I'm here."

 

Liam smiled slightly. "I don't -- I can't. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you as much as I did. They're your friends, too and I don't like... talk. Sorry, Zayn, I don't think we can be friends. But I'm grateful to you. I'm so grateful you came to talk with me. It means a lot."

 

Zayn couldn't suppress the wince and the obvious hurt look. He looked away from Liam. "Yeah okay," he said with a shrug, his former open face closed off. "It's not like I'm friends with them. I already told you, it's purely business." Speaking of which, he really needed a way to take care of his plants.

 

"Niall's friends with them," Liam said, sadly. "Clearly, he's... really close friends with them. I bought Louis that t-shirt."

 

"Oh," Zayn said. The universe really had a twisted sense of humor. "I'm sorry," he said in a lack of better to say. He wasn't going to beg Liam to be friends with him; if he didn't want to be friends, then fine, Zayn would accept that. 

 

Liam was quiet for a while, then he said, "Because you'd probably... tell Niall, wouldn't you? Even if you didn't tell them?"

 

"Not if you asked me not to," Zayn said and looked up at Liam. He didn't keep things from Niall, but Liam had obviously told him all that in confidence and Zayn was going to respect him and not blabber.

 

"Well... Maybe we can be friends, then... If you don't tell," he sniffed. "I've already told you more than... anyone, I think. Except Louis, obviously."

 

"I know it's hard to trust someone you barely know," Zayn said with an understanding smile. He patted Liam's back comfortingly. 

 

Liam nodded with a sniff. "I don’t think Niall likes me much."

 

"Um...I think he might be a bit biased," Zayn said even though he knew that wasn't the whole reason, speaking of which, he wondered how long there was left of lunch; he really would like washing the dried cum off of his skin.

 

Liam nodded, wincing again. "We should get in. Bell'll ring soon."

 

"I don't think I'm going to this class," Zayn said. He had art and his teacher seemed to like him well enough; he never got absence in that class as long as he turned in whatever easy assignment they had due. He pulled out his phone and sent off a quick text to Niall, "let's skip this class :) x"

 

"Oh. Well, I should go in. I still want a perfect attendance," he said, giving Zayn a half smile as he got out of the car.

 

'You sure you wouldn't rather spend it with your boyfriend?' came back from Niall.

 

"Yeah, you go and do good, future Mr. President," Zayn said with a teasing wink before checking the incoming text. He sighed and rolled his eyes, "jesus christ, just come before the bell rings. I'll wait for you under the tree."

 

"Thanks again," Liam smiled at him, looking like he sobbed his eyes out and no doubt going to get hell for it. Then he turned and went into the building

 

~*~

 

Niall was under the tree, not looking terribly pleased.

 

"Don't pout," Zayn said with a cautious smile as he approached Niall. "He was really upset and needed a friend."

 

"Why'd it have to be you? Three hours, Zayn! It wasn't even three hours and you fucking--!" He cut himself off with a shake of the head. He was clearly a bundle of insecurity.

 

"If you think anything is going to happen between me and Liam, then you’re crazy. He's deeply in love with that Louis guy," Zayn said as he grabbed Niall's shoulder and looked him firmly in the eye. "And I promised you I wouldn't do anything with another boy. Do you trust me?"

 

No, honestly, Niall didn't. Not with this, just because pretty much everyone he loved left him at one point. "Zayn," Niall huffed. "Yes." But he was willing to try. "I just don't like that you like him so much. I haven’t even told you what he did."

 

"Niall," Zayn said with a soft sigh and pulled out a cigarette, "why do you like Louis so much? Isn't he a toff? And babe, you have to admit that you're being extremely biased."

 

"He's a homophobe! And I like Louis because he treats me better than I fucking deserve, doesn't he?"

 

"He's not a homophobe," Zayn said calmly and battled to get light his cigarette against the semi-cold breeze. Once he succeeded, he took a deep suck of his cigarette. "He has his reasons for doing what he did. He takes himself a little too seriously, but he's not evil or malicious in any way."

 

Niall rolled his eyes. "He shit all over someone who loved him, Zayn. That's pretty malicious. Look, we going to get cleaned up or what?"

 

"Yes," Zayn said, more than happy to leave this topic. "Lead the way."

 

Niall wasn't leaving it. "And I'd rather not have to lie to Louis about what's going on. You even say the word 'Liam', he shrivels up like a slug with salt on it." He started walking purposefully, still pissed off.

 

Zayn had to abandon the lazy saunter to keep up with Niall's angry stalk. "Ok," Zayn said, absolutely refusing to take the fight up. "So, I was thinking we could go to the greenhouse after cleaning up---we do need to expand the production. The rich kids are still interested, I hope."

 

"Yes, I told you Louis would back us. Is Liam backing us? No," Niall huffed.

 

"Jesus fucking Christ, Niall," Zayn said, getting impatient. "Let it go, would you? We're both obviously biased, are we really going to fight over two rich kids' drama that's actually got nothing to do with us?"

 

"It does have something to do with us when you know how edgy it makes me that you hang out with him and you do it anyway!"

 

"Is this how it's going to be? I can't hang out with anyone without you getting jealous for no apparent reason!? Niall, nothing is going to happen between me and Liam, or am I not even allowed to have other friends?"

 

Niall's face fell. He knew he was being unreasonable. He watched his shoes for about a block. "No. I just -- I'm scared to death, that's all. I know it's unreasonable."

 

Zayn's eyes softened. Of course he knew why Niall was so scared, why he could be so clingy sometimes; the boy had grown up with his parents leaving and failing him. He walked close to Niall and slung an arm around his neck, offering him his cigarette. "I'll always be right here," he promised with a soft smile.

 

Niall gratefully took the cigarette and half-hug. They trundled up to Louis' house and Niall stuck his head in. "Louis? You in?" just in case.

 

When there was no answer, Zayn followed Niall inside, looking around the space curiously. "Nice place," he said interested and walked into the living room. He saw the piano and scoffed. "What's with rich kids and pianos?" he asked as he walked right up and sat by the bench and began running his fingers along the keyboard.

 

"Careful, that's where they hide the weed," he grinned. Then he became very shy. "I, um... gonna shower…" 'Want to join me'? was on the tip of his tongue, but the last thing he wanted was to crowd Zayn.

 

"Really, what amateurs!" Zayn said with a laugh and opened the keyboard and true enough, there was a stash of weed. He was about to reach in and see if it was his product when he heard Niall announcing he was taking a shower. He turned to look at him, "It would be too weird if I said something lame like ‘let's save time and water', right?"

 

Niall blushed a little bit, but shrugged innocently. "If you want to, I'm down. Don't wanna...y'know.. push you too far or anything."

 

Zayn didn't want to push Niall, or himself. He didn't even know how much more he was ready for. "Remember when we used to take baths together?" he said and smiled, because it had been simpler times; when they little and Niall's father was still there, mother stable and sister healthy.

 

Niall smiled. "Yeah. We pretended we were in a bobsled." He took a moment to indulge in the memory. "We could do that again. Louis has a wicked big tub."

 

Zayn looked at Niall, to make sure they were both ok with this. "Really? Show me!" he said with a grin and followed Niall into the huge bathroom and true enough, this rich kid truly did have a wicked big tub. 

 

Niall smiled at him. "We don't... We don't have to kiss or anything. It doesn't have to be sexy."

 

Zayn walked over and began regulating the water. "Ok," he said with an easy smile; he wasn't going to do anything Niall felt uncomfortable with, or anything he wasn't ready for, but he sure as hell was going to take advantage of this tub.

 

Niall smiled. He carefully stripped down. Being naked in front of Zayn meant something else now and he was a bit worried about his friend's reaction.

 

Zayn didn't know if he should look or look away, which was a bit ludicrous since they'd undressed about a million times in front of each other, but of course this time was a million times different. He settled on concentrating on pulling off his own clothes.

 

"Mess," Niall scoffed. "Going to have to borrow some of Louis' jeans. Luckily, we're the same size." He was babbling, but it was to hide his nerves. When Zayn was bare, he couldn't help but steal glances, he was beautiful -- but just a few glances, he didn't want to risk a hard-on.

 

"Are your jeans ruined as well, it only got to my boxers," Zayn said and curled his fingers under the waistband of his ruined boxers, pulling them down to his ankles and stepping out of them. "Weren't you wearing...?" Zayn trailed off as he turned to look at Niall who was standing bare and it hit him that Niall hadn't been wearing any underwear. For some reason, that information made his face heat up and he quickly averted his eyes; fuck, it had always been an incredible turn on when a girl wasn't wearing, and apparently --much to Zayn's confusion--it was a turn-on when Niall wasn't either. He couldn't help but feel things were getting a bit out of control. He blamed his hormones.

 

Niall shrugged a little bit. It was a habit he'd picked up from whoring, but that wasn't something he wanted to mention, now. He slipped into the tub, feeling awkward and excited all at once. "I look even paler next to you," he smiled, holding his forearm out. They'd done this a hundred times, but Niall was still fascinated by it.

 

Zayn grinned as he too slipped into the tub. He put his arm next to Niall's. "Ying and Yang," he said and then his eyes lit up. "Yes! I want a ying and yang tattoo!"

 

"In addition to the shamrock and moon?" Niall smiled.

 

"Well, yeah, if you're still up for it," Zayn said with a soft smile, "But, hey, I can't wait till we turn 18."

 

Niall couldn't resist, then. He leaned in and kissed Zayn's bicep adoringly. "That would be awesome. I want to see your sketches."

 

"I'll bring them to school tomorrow," Zayn promised, smiling softly. He could feel the skin where Niall's lips had been moments before tingle.

 

Niall got a washcloth and handed it to Zayn. He really wanted to scrub him down, but they were being innocent -- bobsled, he reminded himself. He started scrubbing himself, just delighted in being this close to the boy he loved.

 

Zayn watched Niall for a few moments before he splashed water on him, laughing loudly at Niall's expression. "Sorry, I couldn't resist," he said with a goofy smile.

 

Niall snorted and took a gob of foam, smearing it all over Zayn's face in retaliation. Zayn sputtered and flailed while laughed.

 

"Hey!" Zayn exclaimed and smeared some foam on Niall in return before quickly moving away before Niall could retaliate.

 

Niall, of course, lunged after him -- there was nowhere to go in a bathtub. He struggled with him, giggling and fighting, and somehow finding himself astride Zayn's lap again.

 

Zayn let out a soft gasp in surprise; things were escalating and before he could even think of slowing them down, he looked at Niall, who was wet with red cheeks and bright eyes. His body moved on its own accord, fingers fitting around Niall's slim hips, mouth pressing against Niall's soft, pink ones.

 

Niall moaned into his mouth, feeling himself harden almost immediately in the water. He clung to Zayn's bare shoulders and kissed him back, slowly, steamily, letting his butt come to rest atop his thighs. "Zayn... I'd let you do whatever you wanted with me... You should know that."

 

That spiked fire of arousal deep in Zayn's belly; the knowledge that Niall was putting so much trust in his hands was both breath-taking and an incredible turn on. He pressed a series of searing kisses into his mouth. "I'm not sure...how to, y'know." He knew just how and where to touch a girl to get her off, but he wasn't sure how to handle a boy, how to handle _Niall_.

 

"We don't... we don't have to," Niall said. "If you're not comfortable, we don't..." But he couldn't stop pressing his lips into Zayn's hungrily, wanting him. "But I can show you... if you want..." Too fast! screamed something in Niall's mind.

 

Zayn panted against Niall's mouth, his cock already standing strong and he could feel Niall's arousal too. God, he was so horny; he hadn't gotten any in a while now. "How do you like it, babe?" he asked, his voice gotten that sultry quality it did when he was well, in position like these. His hand moved down Niall's naked, wet back and he leaned in and lapped at a drop of water on Niall's hardened nipple. 

 

"Oh, God," Niall moaned. He hadn't ever had it in more ways than one -- the way Styles gave it to him. "God, I like it really, really deep... So it feels like I'm choking on it. I like to have my ass pounded, Zayn," Niall panted.

 

Zayn's mind was getting a bit foggy, he gently scratched a line down Niall's spine and took a handful of his ass. "Do you want to know how I'd like you?" he asked, gazing up at Niall with two pair of darkened hazel under thick, black eyelashes.

 

"Yes," Niall confessed, his heart in his throat.

 

Zayn slowly kissed a path down Niall's throat, feeling the smaller boy's adam's apple bob as he swallowed heavily. "I'd tease you," he said slowly and kissed Niall's neck, bit gently into his creamy collarbone, "...until you're an absolute wreck.." he followed the path of flushed skin and blew gently over Niall's nipples, "...I'd like to make you work for it...on top of me...rolling your hips...." he licked the hardening nubs til the pink of them turned rosy, "...if you're really good, I'd flip you on your back, look deep into your eyes and just...take you." Somewhere in the back of his mind, Zayn couldn't believe that he was being this filthy mouthed with _Niall._

 

Niall was lightheaded. He forgot how to breathe or speak properly and he just let out a tiny squeak. He wrapped his arms around Zayn's neck, his entire body on fire and whispered, "Yes," when he finally remembered how words worked. Jesus. Zayn was talking about lovemaking. Zayn didn't just want to fuck him, Zayn wanted to make love to him and Niall had never had that before or dreamed that he'd be so lucky.

 

Zayn knew that they were nearing another point of no return. "Yeah?" he asked, gently kissing Niall's chest. He never thought he'd want to take his friend in bed and show him what sex was supposed to be, opposed to whatever that old perv did to him. "Say the word."

 

Niall nuzzled into his neck deeply, then he was kissing him, scared and exhilarated. "Yes. Please, Zayn, please make love to me..." Saying it was weird and embarrassing and the sexiest thing he'd ever said in his life.

 

Zayn's heart was pounding against his ribcage. He kissed Niall back, for a few moments before pulling back and looking at him. "Bedroom?" If they were going to do this, then they were also going to do it properly. 

 

Niall nodded, kissing him softly, stroking over his hair, before getting out of his lap on shaky legs. They helped each other out of the tub and Niall found them both fluffy towels to wrap themselves in. Then he took Zayn's hand, as innocently as he had done when they were children, and lead him to Louis' bedroom.

 

When they were in Louis bedroom with the large queen-sized bed, Zayn began backing Niall into it until Niall had no choice but fall back atop it. Zayn put a hand against his shoulder and gently pushed him down till he was on his back against the soft bed. Zayn crawled over him ever so slowly. He leaned down and stroked a hand through his damp hair and looked into his eyes; they were so large and so filled with trust that Zayn could feel his heart swell. They were going to do this, they were really going to do this. 

 

Niall reached for him, stroking over his jaw, down his neck, playing across his collar bones. "I love you," he said softly, his breath coming out unevenly. "I've never done this before with -- with someone I've cared about. Never properly."

 

Zayn nuzzled his lips and stroked down his body, spreading his thighs and moving between them. He pulled back from the kiss. "I'll take care of you," he said and dipped down, latching onto his neck.

 

Niall mewed and curled up around him, holding him close. Then he reached to the side, knowing where Louis kept the lube and condoms. He pulled them out and put them on the bed almost shyly before leaning in to give Zayn' another kiss. "You'll have to open me first...."

 

Zayn nodded, playing with Niall's nipples with his fingers and tongue, curious if Niall was as sensitive there as girls. Always, he wanted to hear Niall's pretty moans.

 

And he got them. Niall whimpered softly and shuddered, fingers tangling in Zayn's black locks. He bent his knees and cradled his best friend close to his body, writhing so slowly under his tongue.

 

Zayn had always been the kind of guy who was more into the foreplay than the actual penetration. He just liked to take his time, because whoever could hold his attention deserved to be worshipped. And worship Niall's body he did. He kissed down Niall's chest, fingers feeling up his thighs. He pulled up and sucked Niall's bottom lip into his mouth, biting it down till it hurt in the best way.

 

Niall mewled into his mouth and kissed him back. He stroked down Zayn's chest, over the dark nubs of his nipples, which he gingerly flirted with until they were hard against his hand. Then he reached down and stroked over his tummy, swirling his fingers in circles, lower and lower and lower until they were tangling in Zayn's pubic hair. He took hold of Zayn's cock and pressed it against the inside of his spread thighs, teasing him with the gentle friction.

 

Zayn moaned deep in his throat and bucked his hips, his dick sliding against the soft inside of Niall's thigh.

 

"Yes," Niall cooed, watching Zayn's face go slack with lust. He curled his hips so Zayn could push into the crevice of his buttcheeks. Niall bit his lip feeling Zayn slicking past his hole. He nuzzled into Zayn's neck and kissed and sucked on his ear.

 

"Ohh," Zayn breathed hard, eyes as black as midnight sky. A whole new world was opening up to him and he was so eager and curious to explore every crevice of it, he tilted his face and took Niall's mouth in his, kissing him open-mouthed and powerfully. His hands moved down and grabbed Niall's ass so he could slide better against that soft place that set his blood on fire. They were both so into it, that they didn't hear when the front door opened. On top of that, the door into the bedroom wasn't closed properly. 

 

There was nothing in Niall's world except Zayn's mouth, his hands, his perfect body. He was cooing softly, making the sweetest, neediest, happiest little noises as he curled into his lover, his own cock pressed hard against Zayn's firm tummy.

 

"Niall," Zayn said in a soft sigh, kissing the boy underneath him adoringly. "You're so-" Zayn had been about to say 'beautiful' but never got the chance when the door suddenly swung open and Zayn's heart froze to ice when three pairs of large eyes stared at them. Suddenly, it seemed like the room was empty of air, Zayn couldn't breathe, couldn't move.

 

"What?" Niall followed his lover's gaze to the door.

 

They were all standing there: Louis, Harry, and Nicole staring at them with large eyes and gaping mouths. They were frozen on the spot, looking like statues.

 

"Oh," Niall said, his head nearly tipping off over the bed. "I don't suppose you could come back later, could you? We're in the middle of something."

 

Nicole was the first one to break the spell, her face reddened as she stared at Zayn's and Niall's naked bodies entangled. She let out something that sounded like a strangled cry and turned on her heels, storming off. Seconds later the front door was slammed shut. That in turn broke Zayn out of his paralyzed state and he scrambled off of Niall, ripping the covers to him and covering himself, face burning.

 

"Holy shit!" Louis exclaimed and looked nearly gleeful.

 

"Holy fuck!" Harry on the other hand looked pissed. "I need to wash my eyes with bleach," he sneered. "What the fuck?"

 

"What the hell do you have to be angry about?" Niall scowled at Harry, unashamed of his nudity. Then he looked at Louis and said genuinely, "Sorry, mate, we didn't have anywhere else to go. I promise, I was gonna wash your sheets."

 

"Is he sleeping with you out of pity?" Harry said and crossed his arms, scowling darkly at Zayn. Zayn was embarrassed beyond belief. He got to his feet, with the sheet covering his goods and flew into the bathroom, tugging on his clothes as quickly as he could. "Oh my God, he is even more beautiful in person!" he heard Louis caw and he felt his cheek burn. If there had been a window in the bathroom big enough to crawl out of, he would have.

 

"You guys!" Niall chastised the two boys standing in the door and immediately went to the bathroom, knocking gently. "Zayn, come out. Please?" He turned over his shoulder and waved his hand at Louis and Harry as if to shoo them. "Please, can we talk?" he tried again on Zayn.

 

Zayn pulled his beanie over his head and his eyes, he wanted to scream in embarrassment. He needed to get the fuck out of here, that much he knew.

 

"Don't be shy, you really don't have anything we haven't seen!" Harry said just because he wanted to rub it in and embarrass Zayn further. "Nice ass by the way, Niall," he said with a smirk. "I can take over--" before he could finish, Louis slapped him hard over the chest with a chastising look.

 

Zayn couldn't take it; he flung open the door and avoided Niall's eyes as he made his way out of the room. Or attempted to, this tall, curly haired shit was blocking the door way, smirking at him. "Get out of my way," Zayn sneered.

 

"Harry, stop being a dick!" Niall snapped at him, grabbing his clothing off the bathroom floor and struggling into it.

 

Harry didn't look like he had any intention of moving, so Zayn just shoved past him, purposefully shoving him into the door.

 

"Rude!" Harry shouted after him. Zayn flipped him off and stormed out of the apartment, the fresh air outside slashing into his heated face. He ducked his head and just began walking, unmindful of the direction.

 

"No, no, no!" Niall cried and ran out the door before his shirt was even on properly. "Zayn! Wait!" he called, racing after him.

 

Zayn ignored him and walked faster. He just needed to get away, alone, he needed space; a lot of space.

 

"No! Zayn!" There was panic in Niall's voice, hysteria. "Talk to me, please, just say something, Zayn, don't just leave me--"

 

Zayn stopped up at the tone in Niall's voice and spun around to face him. "Please, just...give me some time and space to breathe," he said, unable to look into Niall's eyes.

 

"This isn't my fault..." Niall said, sounding desperate. "Zayn, why do you even care, they're just stupid fucking kids who fuck all the time. We didn't do anything _wrong_..."

 

Zayn looked away, crossing his arms tightly under his chest. He was just confused now that the lust had evaporated. "I just...I don't know, I need some time...alone."

 

Niall was absolutely gutted. He was so confused by Zayn's reaction and it was killing him. He watched Zayn trudge away and after a few steps, he barked, "Is it the girl? Is it because the girl saw?"

 

Zayn stopped up, shoulders curling tense and rigid. He stared in front of him and breathed in deeply as it hit him that yes, it was because of Nicole's reaction and he wasn't even sure what that meant. He didn't reply to Niall, just walked away, feeling more lost than he ever had in his life.

 

Niall couldn't stop the tears from falling down his face as he watched Zayn walk away. "I love you, why does it matter..." he warbled out, feeling like his love was worth nothing if Zayn could turn on him so fast for no reason. "Oh, God..." he whimpered, feeling like he might jump in front of a speeding bus.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry; it's not you, it's me," Zayn said with his back turned, eyes clenched shut. "Just...sorry," he said and continued to walk.

 

Louis had come out after them and as he watched Niall's shoulders shaking with heartbreaking sobs and Zayn disappearing around the block, he moved forward and hugged Niall. "Fuck, I'm so sorry. We ruined it, didn't we?"

 

Niall backed away from him, not wanting to be touched. "He won't talk to me," Niall gasped, trying to get his sobs under control. "I don't know what's wrong, he just left--"

 

The parallels between Zayn's reaction and how Liam had reacted their first time made Louis a little sick. "I'm sorry, hon," he said and cautiously put a hand on Niall's shoulder. "Come back inside and I'll make you some tea."

 

All Niall could do was hold onto his hair and let Louis guide him. Back in the house, the second he saw Harry, he attacked. "What the fuck is wrong with you!?" he roared, shoving Harry hard in the chest.

 

"Wow, what the fuck, calm down!" Harry said, backing away, a bit startled by the stormy look in Niall's eyes. "It's not my fault that he's such a pussy."

 

Niall just smacked him hard, right across the face, without any reservation.

 

Harry had never been hit before and he was astonished into silence. He clung to his throbbing cheek with both hands and stared at Niall with wide eyes.

 

Louis saw the rage built up behind Harry's eyes. "Oh shit," he muttered and moved forward, "Harry, maybe it's best you leav-" Harry shoved Louis off of him and grabbed the front of Niall's shirt, pulling him close. "You need the cold hard truth---he ran out because he realized he'd rather eat pussy than suck your dick."

 

"Truth? Fine! You want truth? How’s this: you're acting like a dick because your parents don't love you! How's that for truth?"

 

"Fuck you!" Harry raged and shoved Niall away. "At least my father didn't leave me!"

 

"Harry!" Louis exclaimed, shocked. 

 

"No, your father just wants to fuck you!" Niall snapped back and immediately wished he hadn't.

 

At once the room was enveloped in tense silence, Louis and Harry both staring at Niall with open mouth. "What?" Harry breathed. "What the fuck are you talking about!?"

 

Niall shook his head, his jaw locked tight. He had a hard time believing Harry hadn't picked up on it at least a little bit.

 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he said through gritted teeth, shaking slightly. "That is such a fucked up thing to say! Don't you-!" he breathed hard and looked to Louis, waiting for him to be as appalled by the bullshit Niall was spewing but he was shocked to find his friend staring at his shoes, avoiding eye-contact. "Louis?" Harry said, voice small and breathless.

 

Louis couldn't look at Harry. He’d suspected it in a while now; he'd seen the way Mr. Styles was leered at his son when he thought no one was looking and Louis had had the same suspicion many times.

 

"Louis!" Harry snapped, but Louis stubbornly refused to meet his gaze.

 

"It doesn't matter," Niall said, feeling suddenly like he'd taken things way too far. "I'm just making it up to get under your skin, it doesn't matter--" But he couldn't back pedal, now. Not with the way Harry was reading the truth off Louis' face.

 

Harry couldn't even hear what Niall was saying, all he could hear was his world flipping upside down. "Oh my God," he breathed, feeling so thrown that he had to grab something for purchase.

 

Louis finally looked up. "Harry, it's--"

 

"No!" Harry shouted. "It's not true! It's not! He's my...he's my _dad_! Fuck you, fuck you both!" Harry turned on his heels and stormed out of the door.

 

The resulting silence was as staunch and icy as a Russian winter.

 

Niall hid his face in his hands. "That's two," he said, starting to tip into hysterical laughter for how fucked up everything had gotten. "Two people I've sent running screaming from the house!"

 

"Jesus," Louis was still staring at the wide open door, so worried about what that piece of information might drive Harry into doing. Harry's whole dick attitude was mostly because he craved his parents' affection, no matter how much he'd deny it. And now he knew he had it, but not in the way he'd hoped. "Niall, I need to go after him," Louis said and looked back at the blonde; torn, because obviously Niall needed him as well but by the end of the day, Harry came first. 

 

Niall nodded. He understood that. "I'm so sorry. Louis, I'm so, so sorry. It's just -- it's so obvious."

 

"He didn't have a clue," Louis said with a soft sigh. "Did you really figure it out from one interview? What did he say?"

 

Niall just shook his head. He couldn't make up a lie that fast. "Just... he's obsessed with him," he shrugged, unable to meet Louis' eyes.

 

Louis stared at Niall. "Jesus...what are _you_ hiding?" he asked, apprehensive.

 

"You don't even want to know," Niall sighed. "Go get him. Tell him I'm sorry. Tell him I care about him -- I dunno, just make it right."

 

Louis nodded and gave Niall a quick hug. "We'll talk when I get back; don't think you're getting out of it," he said before leaving as well, hoping to find Harry before he made things worse for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, do we need to start a support group?
> 
> We would love to know what you think. I edited the previous chapter to delete a graphic scene in which Styles' desire for his son became painfully obvious during his 'date' with Niall. I felt it might have been gratuitous and this scene makes just as much sense without it.
> 
> How to reach us:
> 
> GV:  
> Twitter: @gvbutterworth  
> Tumblr: gvbutterworth
> 
> Miraal:  
> Kik: @Miraal07


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Incestuousness, here. Nothing goes too far, but it's upsetting. It is very brief -- if you wish to skip, just scroll to the first "~*~"
> 
> Still aren't showing up in search results, so your shares are scrumptious and much loved. XO.

After he'd stormed out, Harry hadn't known where his feet were taking him his brains were racing until he felt out of breath. He found himself in his father's cooperation building. He ignored the secretary who tried to tell him his father was in the middle of an important business meeting. He found the room and barged directly inside, looking like a right mess, hair windblown and cheeks flushed. Ray Styles was sitting at a table that was far too big for five men to possibly fill. Still, their egos demanded it. He barely noticed the five pair of startled eyes turning on him, he was just staring at his father, breathing hard.

 

"Harry," Ray said coolly, "may I help you with something?"

 

Harry slowly became conscious of the disturbed looks he was getting from the 'important' men because of his rude interruption. "I need to talk to you," Harry said, desperately trying to create a mask but it didn't work: he looked like a confused little boy.

 

"I'll be done in a half hour, Harry. Can it wait?" Ray saw there was something off in his son. He looked disturbed and entirely unlike himself.

 

"No!" Harry said, voice spiraling out of control. "Now," he said through gritted teeth, shaking slightly. 

 

Ray looked at his business partners. They all had children and he hoped they understood. "Gentlemen... Will you excuse me?" He was irritated, of course, but the look in Harry's eye spooked him. He rose from the table and strode down the hall with Harry, leading him to his office. "What on earth has gotten into you?"

 

Harry was still breathing hard and he ran a shaky hand through his hair, then wrapped his arms around himself as if to physically contain himself, or maybe to protect himself. "Is there something you want to tell me?" he said and forced himself to look at his father, voice wavering slightly.

 

Mr. Styles blinked at his son. "What?" He didn't know what was going on with the boy. "Does this have to do with something your mother said to you?"

 

Harry shook his head briskly and looked away, pulling his lips into his mouth. He didn't know how to put it, how did you ask your dad if it was true that he had sexual feelings towards you? Harry's shoulder curled up. "No," he muttered, "do you...do you...do you love me?" It just came out and Harry had looked up at his father, face open and vulnerable in a way he'd never allowed himself to be in front of anyone.

 

Ray was just about to roll his eyes and get furious with Harry's immaturity when he saw that look. It struck him pretty deeply. "Yes. Harry, what is this about? Your mother put you up to this, didn't she?"

 

"No!" Harry shouted, frustrated, "It's nothing to do with mom!" He pulled in his curls and breathed hard, "Do you...do you...do you _want_ me?" 

 

"Of course I want you to stay with me, that's what this whole bloody argument has been--!" But then he took another look at the boy's face. "What.. What are you asking me?"

 

Harry didn't look up for one long moment, before he lifted his head. "Do you..." He tried again, chewing his ruby lips, "Do you want...to sleep with me?" It was out and Harry didn't breathe, staring at his father with large, green eyes.

 

For a moment, Ray's mind short circuited with lust and he thought his son was actually offering. And he never looked more beautiful than he did now, standing there lost and confused and needing him -- at least needing an answer from him. "Who -- Harry, where did you get that idea?"

 

"Answer the question," Harry whispered, heart pounding.

 

Ray was clearly flummoxed, clearly losing control himself. "Harry, where did you get that idea?! It was your bloody mother who told you that!" Of course his wife knew. It was why she'd left and why she was fighting so hard to get Harry back.

 

"Answer the question!" Harry shouted, cheeks flushing. "Just answer the question!!"

 

The no didn't come immediately. In fact, it didn't come for a good several seconds and when it did, it lacked commitment. "No, Harry. Of course not. Tell me who told you that."

 

Harry's bottom lip was wobbling. "Everyone knows," he whispered, tears filling his eyes. "You’re never going to see me again." He whispered and headed for the door.

 

"No!" Ray roared, grabbing his son hard and crushing him to his chest. It was all there -- in the way he held him, the way he pressed his face into his neck and breathed him in, his want was palpable. "Don't go. You can't leave me, you can't go with that horrible woman, I just need to _see_ you, Harry, I just need to have you near, I swear to god, I would never hurt you--"

 

"Let go, please, just let go," Harry sniffled hard, scared, confused and so very much lost. He tried to pull away but his father didn't budge. "Dad!" he whimpered and pushed against his father's chest, "Let go!"

 

"I love you and your mother doesn't," Ray gasped, desperate, knowing Harry would leave him and there would be nothing he could do. "I'll give you everything, Harry, everything, just stay with me," he babbled into his neck, his hands in his hair, feeling like Harry was the only thing he would ever need for the rest of his life.

 

Despite his efforts to keep it together, Harry broke down crying, because he knew he meant nothing to the woman who'd given birth to him and the man who was supposed to be his father wanted to fuck him. "Why," Harry said with a broken little sob, curling a hand into his father's crisp, expensive shirt. "Why, why, why," he ranted; he hadn't done anything to deserve this. He just wanted to get away, run as far as he could and never look back.

 

"I'll take care of you, Harry, I promise. I'll never let anything hurt you, I swear, I swear," Ray chanted, stroking his hair and nuzzling the soft flesh of his neck. Harry felt so right and perfect in his arms, better than Niall ever did and he kissed Harry right beneath his jaw, his grip loosening for a second to readjust him in his arms.

 

His father’s soft caresses and mouth against his skin confused Harry, but more than that, it scared him. A father wasn't supposed to be like this, wasn't supposed to feel like this towards his son. The second his father's tight grip loosened, Harry took the chance and managed to wriggle out of his father's arms. Before his father could catch him, he bolted out of the door.

 

~*~

 

Niall had just been sitting, smoking weed, trying not to think about Zayn and failing. There had also been a lot of crying, a lot of worrying, a lot of guilt over what he'd said to Harry.

 

When Harry barged through the door, he looked like a right mess; tears streaking his cheeks, curls disheveled. "Louis?" he called, needing someone to curl into, a distraction, anything.

 

Niall stood up, a bit wobbly. "Harry?" God, how guilty did he feel seeing him there. "Oh, God. Harry..." He didn't know what to do, he just wanted to make it right. "What happened?"

 

All Harry's defenses, his carefully constructed masks were strewn in shattered pieces on the floor. He was heaving after air and stared at Niall. "You were right," he choked.

 

"Fuck -- Harry, I'm so sorry." He went over to him, put an arm around him and lead him over to the sofa. "Here.... Will this help?" he sat next to him and offered him the joint he'd been working on. "You want me to make you tea? What happened?"

 

Harry took the joint but his lip was wobbling so badly and his fingers were shaking so he quickly gave up on it, he curled into himself and let out a soft sob, pulling in his curls. He looked so small and far from the confident, arrogant boy he usually presented himself to be. Now with all that stripped from him, he just looked so young and lost. "H-he held me...so close...and...just begged me to stay--why? I don't understand," Harry blubbered.

 

Niall wrapped his arms tight around him and held him. "I'm sorry, Harry. I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong."

 

Harry covered his face with his hands. "I just want them to love me like parents should love their son," Harry sniffled, hiccupping softly. "Where do I go? I-I don't want to go back...I can't ever go back. I need..I need to go away...far away."

 

"Stay here," Niall said softly. "I'm sure Louis would let you stay here... And then we can figure it out from there." He leaned down and kissed Harry's curls. "I'm so sorry, Harry... I never should have said anything, I'm so sorry."

 

Harry's soft sobs slowly subdued as he slowly gained control of his emotions. He pulled back from Niall's embrace and dried his eyes, and cheeks. He didn't want to stay here, it wasn't far away enough. He needed his passport; he had plenty of friends outside the country. He stood up and gave Niall a wry look, the mask back on. "Yeah, I guess it's too late now," he said tonelessly and headed for the door; he needed to get home and get his stuff before his father got home.

 

"Where are you going? Harry-- What-- Where are you going?"

 

"Away," Harry said quietly. He wasn't going to tell a soul where he was going, he just needed this if he wanted to remain sane. "It wasn't a pleasure knowing you," he said and shot Niall a wry smile.

 

"Let me help you -- something," Niall said, huffing softly.

 

"No," Harry said firmly and then he left with determination and a clear goal.

 

~*~

 

When Louis came home, they had both decided the day had been too much and that things were much better discussed in pajamas, in bed. There, Niall spooned firmly up beside who was fast becoming his new best friend and sighed, squeezing him tightly.

 

"I can't believe Haz just left without talking to me or in the least saying goodbye," Louis huffed. He rolled his eyes then. “But what had I expected from Harry Styles…?"

 

"He showed up after you left -- here," Niall said softly. "He was a mess... Apparently he confronted his dad or something and it all came out..." He sighed heavily. "Harry's weird. Harry's really weird. He cried for about fifteen minutes, then he got up and left without so much as a how-do-you-do."

 

"That's just who he is, I guess." Louis chewed on his lip, so worried about his friend. There were so many places he could have gone; Louis just hoped he took care of himself and didn't partake in some reckless activities. "I'm surprised he even cried in front of you. He isn't very fond of showing that kind of weakness."

 

"He cried like a baby and let me hold him... He even let me kiss his head."

 

"That just goes to show in what kind of shape he’s in," Louis said with a deep sigh, only getting more worried. "Did he tell you exactly what happened? I mean...his father didn't do anything, did he?" Louis was sure that he would kill that man if he even thought of hurting Harry in such a way.

 

"I don't know -- he didn't say. He just said that his dad held him and begged him to stay... Nothing specific."

 

Louis took a deep breath and let it out. "It’s really psychotic, don't you think? Like what kind of father looks at his son like he wants to eat him alive?"

 

"I don't know," Niall whispered into the nape of Louis' neck. "Strange things can happen to people -- warp them a little bit. I don't think it means you're bad -- necessarily. I mean, he's never touched him. He's clearly found ways to deal with it. I mean, not that I'm -- y'know, I'm not trying to make it ok. Just to get a little perspective so we don't all have to jump off a bridge."

 

Louis was completely silent for a moment. "Are you going to tell me what it is you know about Mr. Styles that we don't? I refuse to believe you figured it all out from one little interview...”

 

Niall was quiet for a long time, just holding Louis tightly. "I can't tell you -- it would ruin me."

 

Louis frowned worried. "You can tell me," he said quietly. He was a bit scared to hear but he didn't know if Niall could really be keeping something too bad.

 

"You have to swear on your life you'll never tell Harry," Niall whispered.

 

"Ok," Louis whispered back, apprehensive. "Promise." He gave Niall a little squeeze.

 

Niall wasn't really sure he trusted him, but what could he do? "I... you know about my sister... Do you know how much her hospital bills are?" He sighed. "They're... They can be $25-50,000 a month. And my mom's insane and can't pay any of it. And my dad left us without a cent so..." He swallowed, feeling his heart beating. "When the hospital called, there was no one to talk to in the house but me -- and they told me if I didn't make the minimum payment, they would have to take my sister off her... off her supports." He was squeezing Louis really hard. "I couldn't think... I couldn't think of what to do... And I went out to this liquor store to steal some booze and to get really, really fucked up and probably kill myself and there was this guy there in this really great suit... And he chatted me up and I was drunk so I told him everything. And he... he said if he could... If I... He said he would pay some of the fees for Amy's hospital bills if... He... If I let him fuck me, once a week. And... That's Harry's dad..." Niall just cowered at Louis' back, ducking his head.

 

Louis was silent for one long moment, shocked beyond belief. He hadn't expected anything like this and he would never have even imagined it in his wildest dreams. "Holy shit,” he breathed out eyes wide and mouth agape. "Holy shit." He was quickly overcome with sympathy for Niall, overwhelmed at what he'd been through, what he'd had to force, things he'd had to worry about that Louis took so for granted. He wrapped his arms tightly around Niall and squeezed him hard, "I'm so sorry, I don't even--Dear God-- Niall, that's do horrible!” Louis gasped, getting so emotional that tears blurred his vision.

 

"Not really," Niall shrugged. "Compared to watching my sister die, it's nothing." He gave Louis a weird, quirky smile that faded quickly. "But that's how I know."

 

"I'm so sorry,” Louis said and gently kissed the top of Niall ' hair. He sighed deeply and crushed Niall further into his body. "No one should have to go through all that. Please tell me you haven't been keeping all this to yourself? "

 

That's when Niall actually choked up a little bit. "No -- Just Zayn. Zayn knew." It didn't even occur to him that he was speaking about his friend in the past tense as if he would never see him again.

 

Louis sighed and stroked through Niall’s hair. "So, he was sleeping with you to deal with his inappropriate feelings towards his son? That's still fucking messed up!"

 

"He's still sleeping with me to deal with his inappropriate feelings toward his son," Niall said, watching the beautiful blue of Louis' eyes. "And I pray god he doesn't stop because it's the only thing keeping my sister alive."

 

"The Marijuana business then! You let me help you with that! You have countless requests! How’s the production? Why haven't you come back to me about the expenses? "

 

Niall blinked at him. "Why are you so dead set on helping me? I'm a pusher and a whore, Louis. I'm not worth your time."

 

"Shh," Louis shushed him, pressing a finger against Niall’s lips. He smiled gently. "What are friends for?”

 

Niall's eyebrow lifted. "You tell me. What good am I to you?"

 

"Stop that," Louis said with a slight chastising tone. "You're my friend and I like you a lot. I wished I met you sooner -- before these stupid boys. We'd be a right power couple," Louis said with an endearing giggle.

 

Niall gave Louis a soft smile -- he felt it, too, the draw between them. They would have been the prefect couple. And Niall had a feeling they would have been strong. He leaned in and gave Louis a soft peck on the lips, knowing they were both too heartbroken to make anything of it. "You know what Zayn was going to say right before you walked in? He was going to tell me I was beautiful. I could hear it in his voice."

 

"I'm sorry! If I had any idea, I would never have cockblocked you. And by the way, he's fucking gorgeous! In a few years he'll be on the front covers of magazines, ‘cause _damn_!"

 

"I know," Niall said, way less cheerful about it. This was the boy he was convinced he'd lost, after all. "Harry's right. He doesn't want cock, he wants pussy."

 

"What did I tell you? Harry is never right. Besides, he just said that to hurt you. How can you even think that for a second? I mean the boy was on top of you with a hard dick!"

 

"You didn't see him after. He wouldn't even look at me. He just ran. He wouldn't talk to me. I spent the whole morning begging him not to hurt me, to always talk to me, and less than 12 hours later, that's what he does -- runs with his back to me."

 

Louis let out a soft suss and hugged Niall tighter. "That is weird. He sounds confused. I'm sure things will be better when you see him tomorrow in school."

 

Niall thought about that for some time. Then, his face mashed into Louis' neck he asked carefully, "Louis, if you ran into Liam again... what would you say to him?"

 

Louis blinked surprised. "Um...I would smack him so hard, and he'd look at me with those stupid big eyes. I'd probably smack him again, and then I'd scream at him, ask him how he could do that to me after all the 'I love yous' and then I'd kiss him because I'm weak." Louis voice cracked a bit.

 

"Would you... want to? Would you want to see him?"

 

"No..." Louis sighed in defeat and whispered, "Yes."

 

Niall leaned in and nuzzled him. "Sorry," he said, seeing how sad it made him. "We don't have to talk about it. We can just sleep."

 

"Yeah," Louis muttered, drying his wet eyes.

 

Niall gave him a few more soft kisses and said, "Things'll be better in the morning." Then he tucked his friend against him and tried to take his own counsel.

 

~*~

 

Niall wasn't in first period. Or second. Or third. At lunch, Liam saw Zayn sitting alone and felt safe approaching him. "Niall sick?"

 

Zayn looked up, looking exhausted. "Doubt it," he said with a thin smile, guilty that he might be the reason Niall was skipping. He was so worried and Niall wouldn't reply to his texts.

 

Liam knew that look. "Something wrong?"

 

"Nah, just getting used to waking up early in the morning,

" Zayn said with a tired shrug. He'd always been a very private person, and he didn't want to tell Liam how badly he'd fucked up.

 

Liam blinked at him. "You look like you've been hit by a freighter. Where's Niall?"

 

"I don't know," Zayn said dully. "Skipping, probably."

 

"Ok," Liam said, deciding to drop it since Zayn wasn't being vocal. "You hungry?" he noticed the other boy wasn't eating.

 

"I ate a lot of breakfast," Zayn lied; all he'd eaten was an apple, but he couldn't get anything through the knot of guilt in his throat. He tried to smile at Liam, "What's up?"

 

"You're asking me?" Liam turned back on him, knowing Zayn was obfuscating. It irritated him, knowing that he'd spilled his guts to the other boy only yesterday.

 

Zayn shrugged slowly and checked his phone; nothing. His own texts sat unanswered on the screen staring back at him: ‘morning, coming to school?’, ‘hey, I’m getting worried, are you alright?’, ‘Niall, I’m so sorry, please reply’. He bit the inside of his cheek and looked back up at Liam. "Do you like the school so far?" he said, trying to distract himself with trivial chatter.

 

"It's different. Very different. There are some things I like very much." He was trying to give Zayn his space, but it was hard. His behavior was so off.

 

Zayn nodded, smiling. "That's good," he said, "What things don't you like?"

 

"You putting me off, for one. It makes me nervous. Just say 'some stuff went down, Liam, I don't want to talk about it right now'."

 

"I fucked up really badly and I rather not talk about it," Zayn said flatly, shrugging and looking away. "Sorry."

 

Liam let out a 'phew!' "Ok. I can deal with that. I hate it when people pretend it's nothing. You just know it's going to blow up later and you won't be prepared for it."

 

Zayn was relieved that Liam wasn't pushing him and he gave him a genuine smile, "I like you, Payne. You're cool enough."

 

Liam smiled at him. "I like you, too. Ready for gym or are you going to go out and smoke again?"

 

"Know me so well already," Zayn said with a half-smile. "Yeah. I hate physical activity. Well, that kind at least."

 

Liam smirked at him a little bit. "Um. So, maybe, would you like to hang out after school today?"

 

Zayn blinked. He didn't how good of an idea that was with how things were with Niall at the moment, but on the other hand maybe his father would lift the house arrest for a day if he was going over to Liam's--especially if he even said they were studying. It would give him precious time to drop by the greenhouse and he'd love to see Liam's reaction to what more or less was his pride. He smiled at Liam. "Sure, your place?"

 

"If your parents will let you," Liam smiled. "You still haven't told me what you got suspended for."

 

"They like you, a lot," Zayn said with a shake of his head; bitter that they couldn't like Niall the same way. "And for why I got suspended, well, why do you think?"

 

Liam smirked. "Something terrible, I'm sure. Do you get in fights?"

 

Zayn smirked back. "Oh yeah, I'm a bit of a rebel. Now, Liam, are you sure you want to be friends with me? I wouldn't want to corrupt you. Unless you asked of course."

 

Liam shook his head with a smirk. "Now you're teasing me. What did you do?"

 

"Mrs. Hill, the math teacher, she's a witch and has a personal vendetta against me. She called me up to the board to solve some question she knew I couldn't. Niall called her a cunt and racist." Zayn grinned at the priceless memory of Mrs. Hill's face. "I called her racist too and that's how we both got suspended."

 

Liam almost went white. "He said that word in class?"

 

Zayn shrugged like it was no big deal. "Yeah," he rested his cheek against his knuckles and blinked up at Liam. "Having second thoughts?" he asked, smirking slightly. He wouldn't be surprised if Liam realized that he and Niall had completely different views on the school than he did. They, obviously, just wanted to pass and get the fuck out as soon as possible.

 

"What do you... want to be?"

 

Zayn was taken aback by that question: he didn't know why, but he hadn't expected it at all. He blinked and sat up straight. "According to my father, I'm going to be a doctor," he said slowly, smiling dryly. He didn't know what _he_ wanted to be; he actually had no freaking idea and every time he thought of it, his mind recoiled from the resulting void.

 

"But what about you?"

 

Zayn shifted, feeling uncomfortable. He licked his slightly dry lip and shrugged a bit, feeling embarrassed in front of Liam who had such grand dreams and aspirations. All Zayn was good for was growing weed and mediocre drawings. "I haven't figured that out yet," he said after a long pause.

 

Liam gave him a shy smile. "That's alright. I know I'm the weirdo when it comes to that."

 

"You're not... well, you're weird but not in a bad way," Zayn said with a soft smile.

 

~*~

 

Niall awoke when Louis left for school. With a few soft denials, he decided that he would rather stay in bed than go and see Zayn's reaction. In the night, in his sleep, he'd convinced himself everything was ruined. It made him feel as if he was dead, but his body didn't realize it yet. So, he decided to just sleep. He slept til two in the afternoon, at which point his mind turned to Harry and his fear for the other boy, who was little more than a stranger to him. He got his phone to text Louis and saw Zayn's texts. He didn't know what to make of them. He was afraid to reach out for fear of being rejected. He winced and just typed to Louis, “any news from Harry?”

 

"No :( He didn't show up in school and his phone is turned off. It's like he's dropped off the face of earth. I'm so worried"

 

Niall winced. Why did he even say anything? "I'm gonna go to the greenhouse and try to make up a list for you. Maybe that will take your mind off it?" It was weak, but it was all Niall could think to do.

 

"You go do that. I'm sure he's fine...he wouldn't do anything stupid. I hope..."

 

"Text me if you need anything," he said sincerely, before hauling his frame out of bed. He took a shower and had a bite to eat before he finally decided what to text Zayn that wouldn't elicit a response, but couldn't be deemed negligent. "Just woke up :)"

 

Zayn had just gotten home when he noticed the text from Niall and he let out a small breath; alright, he was alive, hardly okay since he was sleeping till this hour, but alive nonetheless. He used about 15 minutes typing and deleting, in the end he settled for a lame, "Lucky you, had to wake up at 8" He sent it and winced.

 

Niall's heart was in his throat when he heard his phone go off. It was nice that Zayn was chatting with him. That made him feel better. But he still didn't want the text that came back saying 'we need to talk' or 'look, I don't think we should be friends anymore.' So, he didn't reply. He simply got dressed and trudged to the bus stop to go to the greenhouse.

 

~*~

 

Zayn's father dropped him off in front of Liam's large house; the only way he trusted he didn't go somewhere else apparently. After his father drove off, Zayn sent Liam a quick text to tell him he'd arrived.

 

Liam looked like he'd barely breathed since he got home and he smiled wide at Zayn at the door. "Hi! Wanna come in?"

 

"Um, yeah, sure," Zayn said and followed Liam inside, looking around curiously. "Nice place," he hummed.

 

Liam smiled and led him through the kitchen. "This is my mom," he said, nodding to an immaculate woman of forty, "and my dad," to a man with a friendly face, but clear surprise at the sight of Zayn -- not so much his dark skin, but the grungy jacket, torn jeans and patches with questionable messages.

 

Mrs. Payne couldn't stop staring at a marijuana leaf on his sleeve. "Hello," she said, trying to seem nice, but unable to hide her bewilderment.

 

Zayn felt a bit awkward. "Hey," he said with a slight nod and a ghost of a smile.

 

"Can I get you something to drink?" Mr. Payne asked, remembering his manners.

 

"We aren't going to stay, dad," Liam said, changing his coat in the incredible hall. "Zayn has a greenhouse!" That seemed to light Mrs. Payne right up. "Do you? What do you grow?"

 

Zayn blinked. He hadn't expected for Liam to tell his parents where they were going. "Tomatoes," was the first thing that came out of his mouth and he thought if Niall had been here, neither of them would have been able to keep a straight face. The thought made his lips tug up in a smile. 

 

"Oh, how lovely!" Mrs. Payne smiled. "I'll have to show you my garden some time. Maybe you could help me with my roses. Roses are so hard to keep," she sighed.

 

"Alright," Liam said, clearly a little embarrassed by his own parents. "I'll catch you guys later. C'mon, Zayn."

 

Zayn had a hard time suppressing his snickers and when he was in Liam's car, he burst out laughing.

 

"Sorry," Liam blushed. "My mom loves plants; I sort of threw you under the bus."

 

"No, it's alright," Zayn said chuckling slightly and clapped Liam's warm cheek. "I can't wait to show you my tomatoes," he said with a smirk and a glint in his eye.

 

Liam blushed and drove following Zayn's instructions. The greenhouse was beautiful, but well-hidden and as they walked up the front gate, Liam had to comment, "Seriously, if my mom could see this, she'd flip."

 

"Yeah?" Zayn said with a raised brow as he began to dismantle all the locks. "What do you reckon she'd say?" 

 

"She'd say--" But Liam stopped when he saw what Zayn saw -- the locks were open. "Is that supposed to be like that?"

 

Zayn stopped short and stared at the opened locks. The only other person who could be here was Niall. He swallowed; suddenly all he wanted was to turn back. He wasn't ready to face Niall. "No," he said and took a step back, wondering if Niall could hear them from inside.

 

"What?" Liam frowned. "What's wrong?"

 

Niall wouldn't be happy to see Liam here. "Nothing," he said. "I just remembered something. Let's go," he put a hand on Liam's arm, urging him away from the entrance.

 

"Zayn," Liam sighed. "What's in there? Can't I see?"

 

"Nope," Zayn said, more or less dragging Liam away. "I just realized what a bad idea it was to bring you."

 

That was when Niall, quite unsuspectingly, slipped out of the door, his arms full of papers and pots. He blinked at the two boys standing on the doorstep and said, "Oh... Hi."

 

Zayn froze for a moment. He shot Niall a fleeting look. "Hi," he said with a nervous smile, "I...didn't know you were here."

 

"Yeah," Niall said dully, thinking that much was clear.

 

Liam looked between them. "Um...." But that brought Niall's attention to him. His eyes shot first to Liam, then to Zayn, "You brought him here!?"

 

Zayn swallowed as it became more and more apparent how thoughtless he’d been. "We were just leaving," he muttered and shot Liam a quick, apologetic look; he looked like a confused puppy.

 

Liam was sensitive. He got things, so much faster and better than most people. "Right. Bye," he said, skipping back to his car. When he was gone, Niall gave Zayn a look as if he'd spent most of the night dead, and was just now killed again. Then he turned, and disappeared back into the greenhouse.

 

That look struck Zayn deeply and he took a deep breath and followed Niall inside. He didn't know what to say and what to do, which was becoming a frequent problem when he was with Niall lately. He hated that things had become this complicated. "Um...you got an estimate?" he asked, glancing at the papers Niall was holding.

 

Niall had put everything down on one of the tables and was staring stoically ahead. "Why did you bring him here?"

 

Zayn chewed on the inside of his cheek. "I...I guess just wanted to show him," he said with a small shrug; he'd wanted to see Liam's reaction, maybe he even wanted to test him, to see if the boy could really handle to be friends with him.

 

"Why?" Niall snapped. Then he took one of the pots from the table and chucked it hard at the wall. "WHY? We don't bring people here, Zayn! Certainly not people we've known for less than a week! This is illegal!"

 

"He wouldn't tell anyone, I know he wouldn't,” Zayn said, wincing when the pot shattered, hating how much he saw Niall’s mother in her son at the moment. "I am sorry, I just… wanted to show him."

 

Niall looked weak. "You're... I can't believe this, you're..." 'Getting rid of me’ was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. "FFffffuck!" he spat, kicking one of the benches hard, feeling his life imploding.

 

"I won't bring him again," Zayn promised, knowing that he'd fucked up royally. He cautiously approached Niall, a bit scared that he might get a pot flung at him. "I'm so sorry. It won't happen again."

 

Niall moved away from him, feeling his calm dissolving. "Zayn," he said, breathing deeply to try to bring his heartrate down. "What happened yesterday? Just tell me."

 

Zayn looked away. He couldn't explain it. He just knew that when all the lust and want had cleared, he'd questioned what he'd been so close to doing. "I don't know," he muttered with a shrug, feeling uneasy. He glanced at Niall. "I really don't know."

 

Such pain flashed across Niall's face, he knew he had to hide. "I don't get it," he said, turning his back and bending over one of the tables. "You wanted me."

 

Zayn could hear the pain in Niall's voice and it slashed right through him. "I did, but..." He took a deep breath and then just blurted it out, "It just confused me so much and it made me feel like I was taking advantage of you and I don't know things are so...so complicated. I don't know what to think anymore."

 

"You just left, Zayn." Niall turned on him, his face wrought with pain. "You know what it feels like to get... y'know... like that with someone you love and have him run, just fucking _run_ like his life depended on getting away from you?"

 

Zayn looked away, unable to face what unadulterated pain he'd caused to a person he'd swore he'd protect. "I was just. ...overwhelmed," he said. "Do you know what it's like to see you as a little brother one day and the other have everything turned upside down? It's not easy for me either. Especially since how my father feels about you. "

 

"Your _father_?" Niall was nearly fuming. "What the fuck does your _father_ have to do with anyth-" Then something seemed to click in his head. He glanced out where Liam had left and he put it together. "Oh, fuck... Oh, Zayn, no. Oh, fuck no, Zayn..."

 

Zayn looked up, bewildered. "What? What is it?"

 

"You're throwing me over for _him_?" Niall pointed where Liam had left. "Because your daddy likes him, doesn't he? Would make a better friend than me, a better everything than me!" The pain was clawing in Niall's heart so much he was actually clutching at his chest.

 

"No!" Zayn exclaimed and moved forward grabbing Niall's arms. "Fuck no! Since when have I given a shit about what my father says? He can't stop me from hanging out with you! The only reason I was here with Liam is because it was the only way my father would let me out of the house! I am never going to replace you, Niall. Liam is my friend, but you are my _best_ friend, do you understand that?"

 

"Zayn," Niall winced and just hung limply in his arms. "Whatever," he shrugged away. "You and Liam are a perfect match, anyway. Louis and I think so." He hadn't talked to Louis about it, but he was certain Louis would agree with him if he knew Zayn and Liam were becoming friends.

 

"Perfect match? What is that even supposed to mean?" Zayn asked, slowly becoming frustrating with Niall's late tendency to blow everything out of proportion.

 

"You're just suited to each other, that's all," Niall said, coyly. Specifically, he thought the way Liam humiliated Louis and left him was very, very similar to what Zayn did to Niall -- and neither of them seemed to truly understand how damaging their actions were.

 

Zayn stared at Niall for one long moment, expressionless. Then he dropped his hands from Niall and let out a deep sigh, looking away. "It's gets old, Niall," he said, running a hand through his hair, "constantly reassuring you that Liam is just my friend. Apparently, you can't accept that, so I don't know what you want from me."

 

"I know he's just your friend," Niall snapped. "I know you run screaming at the sight of dick!" Then, like he had done with Harry, he clamped down and felt guilty, immediately. He winced. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't -- I'm sorry."

 

Zayn looked at Niall with a sad expression. "Is this what it's going to be like between us now?" he asked quietly. He shook his head and bit down the inside of his cheek. "I don't like this. I don't like tip-toeing around you and being constantly at a loss for what to say, how to say it, just so I don't set you off. I don't like fighting with you because I've made a new friend."

 

"We're not fighting because you made a new friend," Niall said quietly. "We're fighting because ..." he slowed down, because he wanted to get this right -- really right. "We're fighting because... I've fallen in love with you when I knew I shouldn't have and I'm afraid it's going to push us apart. And because I still don’t understand why you did what you did last night. And because you brought someone to our place -- _our secret place_ \-- like you're trying to put distance between us. At least that's what it feels like to me." Then, Niall sat down on the edge of a little stone bird bath that had been dry for decades, now. He looked so exhausted and old.

 

Zayn let out a soft sigh and pushed a hand through his hair. He leaned against the each of the wobbly wood table and crossed his arms. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I brought Liam because I thought it would be fun to see his reaction. I shouldn't have brought him, you're right. And I'm sorry if you thought I did that to put distance between us; I swear that wasn't what I was trying to. I just need you to believe me when I say that Liam and I are _friends_ and it's not going to change anything between us." He sighed again and looked at Niall. "I don't know, Ni, everything is so...different. I'm still trying to sort out how I feel about all of this."

 

Niall let out a shaky breath. "I know. I know. I've had years to get used to it. It's not fair that I expect you to come to grips with it overnight." He put his face in his hands for a moment, rubbing his eyes. "It's just -- It's just hard to be kissing you... in bed with you... and then in seconds to fear I might never see you again." He shook his head. It really wasn't fair for him to harp on it, but he felt like an open wound.

 

Zayn watched Niall for a few seconds before he moved forward and took him in his arms, kissing the top of his head softly. "Even before this or after this or whatever, we'll still be friends. Best friends. You're still my favorite person, yeah?"

 

Niall sighed hard. "Zayn, I have to tell you, I might... I might be crazy for a little bit. And I'm sorry."

 

"Ok," Zayn smiled and gave him a light squeeze. "I can deal with a little crazy."

 

Niall buried his face in Zayn's neck and breathed deep. "But you'll still talk to me, yeah? About everything?"

 

"Yeah of-" Zayn's sentence was cut off by the beeping sound of an incoming text; for a second, Zayn thought it was his until he realized it was Niall's.

 

Niall looked down at his pants and sighed. He didn't want to get out of his hug with Zayn, so he just retrieved his phone from his pants and read the text over Zayn's shoulder.

 

The text was from Mr. Styles and all it said was, "Tonight. 9 pm."

 

Niall just winced and put his phone away, tucking his face back into Zayn's neck. It was an even harsher blow for the sex he almost had last night.

 

Zayn rubbed Niall's back in circular motion. "Is it him?" he asked quietly, eyes narrowing a bit.

 

"Styles Senior," Niall confirmed softly. "He wants to see me in a few hours."

 

Zayn sighed, clutching Niall a little tighter. He wished they could find another alternative, if only. "Think of me," he said, only realizing moments later what he'd said. His face felt warm and he wondered where the hell that came from.

 

Niall's gut went stony. "What?"

 

"Um… that came out wrong. Forget I even said anything," Zayn stammered.

 

Niall pulled back to look at his face. "Think of you...?" he asked, his voice soft with confusion. "You mean... while he's fucking me?"

 

Zayn's eyes didn't meet Niall's. "No, I’m not even sure what I meant. Can we just forget about it?"

 

Niall studied his face. "Just say it," he said, needing to hear it. "Say what you meant."

 

Zayn forced himself to meet Niall's gaze, and with their eyes locked he said "When he's touching you... close your eyes and think of me."

 

That made Niall's breath catch a little. "I always do," he replied, his eyes falling a little. They landed on Zayn's lips and he leaned in, as if he intended to kiss him, but then he thought better of it and backed away. "Um. I started making a list," he said, still feeling under the spell of Zayn's beauty as he went to the table where he'd put down his notebook. "It's pretty complete, but you should probably look over it--"

 

Zayn watched Niall, breathing a little harder at that information. When Niall called him over, he walked up behind and he really couldn't help himself when he pressed in close against Niall's back. He peeked over his shoulder at the notebook. "Looks good," even though he wasn't even looking properly, distracted by the shampoo in Niall's hair.

 

Niall leaned back into him, inclining his head toward him. He felt himself relaxing, releasing in a way he couldn't with anyone else. Just having Zayn near seemed to heal him. "I'll call around tomorrow and get the prices for stuff..." He was talking just to talk, just to have an excuse to stay in this position as long as possible.

 

"I'll do that...think that’s better." Zayn hooked his chin over Niall's shoulder, pretending he was looking at the list but really he was just enjoying the feel of Niall's soft skin. "We should get it all up and running before the end of the month,” he said and reached for the notebook, arm curling around Niall in the process.

 

"We're going to have to spend a lot of time here," Niall said, feeling his skin start to tingle and heat start escaping from that furnace below his belly button. "You'll have to teach me to garden."

 

"My favorite place with my favorite person," Zayn hummed, carefully pressing his nose against the back of Niall's ear. His hand dropped to Niall's slim hip and he pressed closer. "I'll teach you everything I know," he more or less breathed into Niall's ear.

 

Well, this was bloody sexy now, and no one could deny it. Niall leaned his weight against Zayn. "Maybe this weekend?" he didn't want to push it, but Niall felt the sun dawning in his chest. He carefully took hold of Zayn's wrist and locked them in an informal embrace.

 

"I'll see what I can do," Zayn promised, his hand curling a little tighter around Niall's hip. He wasn't even going to think too much about the fact that this was turning him on. "Things are always so much better when they're illegal," he said with a slight smirk, grinding once again Niall's body.

 

Niall choked on his own arousal. Unable to resist, he tipped his head back and kissed the underside of Zayn's magnificent jaw, letting his lips drag on the stubble.

 

Zayn let in a deep breath and then he just went for it, one hand fisting the back of Niall's hair, tilting his face so he could kiss him on the mouth, the other hand rested flat against Niall’s belly keeping him leaned into Zayn's body.

 

Niall couldn't even breathe for fear of ruining it and scaring Zayn off. But he did open his mouth to suck on Zayn's lower lip, releasing a soft coo as he did.

 

Niall made the most arousing sounds and Zayn groaned a bit. He grabbed Niall and spun him around, curling his hands under his thighs and lifting him up on the wonky table; it creaked in protest but neither of them cared. "I think I can get off on your little cute coos alone," Zayn breathed as he slipped between Niall's thighs.

 

"Shit, Zayn," Niall gasped, pulling his friend against him by the lapels of his coat and kissing him passionately, whimpering into his mouth.

 

Zayn was getting hard embarrassingly fast. "What do you do to me," he sighed into Niall's mouth, a mix of wonder and awe in his voice.

 

Niall really didn't know. Zayn was so hot and cold, he wished he knew, himself, so he might better be able to keep Zayn from turning off him entirely. Niall pulled back for a second and studied his friend's face. "Do you... Do you really want me?" It was sort of hard for him to believe -- after last night especially.

 

In response Zayn grabbed Niall's hand and brought it between his legs, pressing it against the growing bulge in his jeans. He looked him dead in the eye. "You tell me."

 

"Fuck," Niall barely managed to gasp, before diving in for his mouth again, his kisses becoming passionate and desperate. He pushed at Zayn with his hips so he could get down. "I've always fantasized about sucking you off in the greenhouse."

 

Zayn groaned at the thought of Niall's sinful mouth. "God, yes, please," he said breathlessly and moved back so Niall could hop off the table.

 

Niall fell to his knees in front of Zayn and worshipfully rubbed his cheek against the bulge in Zayn's pants. Then he took the tab of his zipper in his mouth and pulled it down with his teeth before reaching inside. The feel of Zayn's hot rod in his hand made him moan.

 

Zayn's bit down his lip, nearly shaking in anticipation. He pushed his hand into Niall's hair and urged him forward.

 

Niall tugged at Zayn's pants until he was exposed. Jesus, Zayn was hard and it made Niall feel like he might break the zipper on his own pants. He rubbed the tip of Zayn's cock against his lips adoringly, tonguing it gently before folding his lips around the head and slowly working his way down the length.

 

"Jesus," Zayn let out a stuttered breath, his grip in Niall's hair tightening the more he disappeared in that perfect mouth. He looked down at Niall's lips stretched around him and he could already feel he was close; embarrassing. "Your mouth--it's like. ..fuck...perfect. it so fucking perfect." He bucked his hips and the wet gag sound Niall made almost did it for him.

 

Niall managed to get him down his throat and, taking Zayn's hip in his hand, urged him to start thrusting.

 

Zayn didn't have to be told twice. He fisted Niall's hair tighter and began fucking his throat, groaning and panting. He fought off his orgasm as long as he could --not very long-- before the fire clawed at his insides, his dick twitched and he buried it deep down Niall's throat as his orgasm hit him like a wrecking ball and he shook as he spilled down Niall's throat.

 

Niall clung to his hip and tried to swallow as much as he could; some of it dripped down his chin and onto his shirt, but he didn't care -- he was so fucking happy. He milked Zayn until he was completely limp, letting him slide from his wet mouth. After several wet, loving kisses, he put Zayn back in his pants and zipped him up.

 

Zayn looked like he'd spent the last days smoking weed, a dopey and dazed look on his face. "Holy fuck,” he breathed, blinking as he came down. He grabbed Niall and pushed him down on the old, dirty couch and crawled on top of him, kissing him deeply and licking out the taste of his own come. "That was even better than the last time."

 

Niall was hard as granite, but he wasn't going to push it. Fuck, as long as Zayn was like this, he didn't want the boy to remember that it was a cock instead of a cunt down there. He just let Zayn kiss him and kiss him until there was no way Mr. Styles would smell come on his breath.

 

As Zayn pressed Niall into the old couch, he felt his arousal pressing against his thigh, hard as rock. "Fuck, I'm rude," he said from where he was sucking on Niall's neck. He reached down and experimentally fondled Niall between his legs, trying to draw some experience from how he touched his own dick.

 

"It's ok," Niall said, immediately. "It's ok, I'm ok." He took hold of Zayn's wrist and sat up. "I should go soon, anyway."

 

Zayn blinked, confused. "Did I say something wrong?” he asked, worried. He knew he had zero experience with dicks other than his own, but Niall had barely given him a chance.

 

"No," Niall smiled at him. "No, you're perfect. I just -- I'm good." He gave Zayn a soft kiss, trying to calm and distract him.

 

"Can I make you come then?" Zayn asked and the way he blinked widely with his eyes was nearly innocent, if it wasn't for the nature of the request.

 

Niall went a bit swoony for a moment. "Um. You don't have to -- I don't want to spook you," he said softly; unaccusing, but very sincere.

 

Zayn lifted a brow and scoffed. He pushed Niall down, hard, and crawled over him. "I'm going to make you come," he said, voice low and sultry, eyes intense. His hand worked Niall's pants open and dived under the waistband, taking hold of his dick. Zayn smirked a bit. "I'm a quick learner. Don't worry."

 

Niall let out a little mewl and cradled Zayn's face. "Oh, God, yes--" But he cut himself off, wincing and ducking under his lover's chin.

 

Zayn chose to focus on a dick that wasn't his. He watched Niall's face closely as he did all the things he loved, curious to see what really got Niall going.

 

When the tip of Zayn's thumb swept over the head of Niall's prick, he jerked back and gasped, his butt clenching to push up into Zayn's hand. He wished Zayn would push his hand deeper, touch him where he'd always dreamed of Zayn touching him, but he understood anal play might be a bit much for a straight boy.

 

Zayn stroked Niall in quick, smooth moves, flicking hid wrist every now and then, thumping the head just to hear those beautiful sounds from Niall's lips. He leaned in and swallowed a whimper with a kiss. He kissed across Niall's face, nuzzling his neck "Tell me what you'd like."

 

"That's good," Niall panted. "That's good, I’m so close..." He kissed Zayn back, kissing his cheek, his jaw, his lips when he had the presence of mind. As his orgasm neared, he pushed his hand down the back of his pants and, hoping it wouldn't freak Zayn out too much, pushed a finger up inside himself. That was the final kick he needed and he came, adding another stain to his shirt.

 

As Zayn milked Niall through it, he watched where Niall was touching himself, curious and fascinated. Once Niall fell finished, Zayn wiped his hand on the couch and leaned down, kissing Niall's gasping mouth softly. "Does it feel good? When you touch yourself there?"

 

"Really good," Niall said, his voice hoarse as he panted, coming down. "There's, like... a button inside..."

 

Zayn blinked interested. He mentally noted that he needed to do a little research once he got home. He smiled and nuzzled Niall's lips, tucking him back in.

 

Niall sighed, holding him close. He wanted to ask Zayn what this meant, but he knew that would be fruitless -- Zayn wouldn't know any better than he did. He kissed his friend's ear and said quietly, "Thank you."

 

Zayn chuckled a bit and ran a hand through Niall's hair. "Maybe you could sneak into my room tonight? After y ' know..you're done."

 

Niall smiled. "I don’t know… I promised Louis I'd see him. Harry ran away yesterday. He probably needs someone." He looked at Zayn's beautiful, loving face. "I’m sorry, he needs me.”

 

Zayn asked, curiously, "He ran away? Why?"

 

"Well. That's a long story." He sighed and looked at his phone. He had 30 minutes before he needed to leave. "Did I ever tell you -- Styles makes me put on Harry's cologne and underwear when he fucks me?"

 

It took a moment for that to sink in and when it did, Zayn was appalled. "What the fuck? I knew he was a fucked up pervert! That's so fucking gross. He's hot for his own child?" Zayn wasn't blaming Harry Styles for running away; hell, he'd done it too, in his shoes.

 

"Yeah. After you left last night, Harry and I really got into it -- I hit him." Niall didn't feel particularly proud of that. "And, we were taking shots at each other and... It sort of slipped out. I guess Harry went home and confronted him and --" Niall just shrugged as if to say 'the rest is history'.

 

"Wow, these rich people are so messed up," Zayn shook his head with a disgusted expression. "Wait," he stared at Niall, worried. "You didn't actually tell him what was going on between you and his dad, did you?"

 

"Harry didn't ask too many questions," Niall shrugged. "But... I did tell Louis."

 

"You _what_?" Zayn stared incredulously at Niall. "You've known this dude for how long? Less than a week and you told him _that_? Isn't he Harry's best friend or something? Jesus Christ, Niall, what were you thinking?"

 

Niall was a little alarmed at Zayn's reaction. "He wanted to know how I knew that about Harry's dad! It wasn't like I confided to him. I blurted it out and I got... I got caught more than anything, and I had to fess up."

 

Zayn stared at him. "I'm sure he wasn't holding a gun to your head." Zayn was beginning to realize how close Louis and Niall were becoming and it was irking him. "How long before Harry finds out?”

 

"I don't know. I asked Louis not to tell. He seemed to understand and be sympathetic, but I know his loyalty is with Harry. I can't even let myself think about what might happen if Styles fires me." He winced; he really couldn't.

 

Zayn sighed deeply, that would indeed be the worst case scenario. "Let's hope that guy is as trustworthy as you seem to believe."

 

Niall sighed heavily. "Not thinking about it." He played with the buttons on Zayn's shirt a moment before leaning in and kissing his throat. "In fact, now I'm thinking about it and I'm a little freaked out, so I'm going to go and see if Styles says anything."

 

"I'm worried," Zayn said with a frown. "His son just ran away, I can imagine what kind of mood he's in." Zayn let out another sigh and nuzzled Niall's neck, planting small butterfly kisses there. 

 

"I know. I know. Which is why I have to go and see if he's going to keep me on."

 

"Yeah," Zayn said softly, reluctant to move. "...I haven't seen Amy since the week before the last one. I feel like trash. Let's visit her this weekend."

 

"Yeah," Niall said softly. "Yeah, let's do that." He smiled and sat up. "I --" There was nothing to say, really. Zayn didn't know anything any more than he did. "I'll see you in school tomorrow, ok?"

 

Zayn rearranged Niall's messy hair, trying to make it at least a little presentable. "You sure you won’t come see me tonight?" he asked lightly, giving up on Niall's unruly hair and fiddling with his come stained shirt instead.

 

"I might have some stuff to sort with Louis -- we're trying to find Harry. And I really... I really don't want to risk your parents' wrath. I don't like how much they hate me already."

 

Zayn stopped  fiddling with Niall's shirt and looked at him, "Why are you even try to find that kid? He's probably on some luxurious yacht down the Bahamas. Why do you even care about him? Or this Louis guy at all? They're just meant to be our customers."

 

"Well, for one, Louis' putting me up so I don't have to sleep on benches." That was a really, really big deal to Niall. "And I feel really guilty for blurting out to Harry about his dad. That's something he never, ever needed to hear. It's my fault."

 

Zayn stopped himself from rolling his eyes. Alright, he was grateful that Louis was offering Niall a place to stay, but still, he wasn't so fond of it. "He needed to hear it," he said and got off Niall, climbing to his feet. "Who knows when his creepy daddy decides he wants the real thing." Zayn grimaced.

 

Niall sighed deeply. "Yeah. I thought of that. I don't know if Harry will see it that way. He shut down on me pretty quickly when he came back." He casually took his shirt off, turning it inside-out to make it look tidier. He didn't have time to change before he went to Styles'.

 

"Oh, don't do that," Zayn said and took off his leather jacket, then the sweatshirt he was wearing under the jacket, leaving him in his printed tee; he had a habit of putting too many layers of clothes. He threw the hoodie to Niall, "Wear that."

 

Niall took the hoodie and couldn't help it: Even though Zayn was right there to see him do it, he put the garment to his face and inhaled deeply. Zayn was his favorite smell in the world.

 

Zayn felt his face heat up. "Alright, don't do that either," he said with a crooked smile.

 

"Why not?" Niall smiled. "This is what I do when you leave clothes at my house -- I sniff up til I've snuffed up all the smell."

 

Zayn laughed. "If it wasn't you, I would have considered that creepy as fuck."

 

"Shut up," Niall said, blushing. "You do it to girls who leave stuff at your house -- don't deny it!"

 

Zayn bit down his lip, grinning; he couldn't deny that. "Come on, you're going to be late," Zayn checked the time on his phone, he had to get home too, he had a curfew.

 

Niall smirked, but was reminded of Zayn's preference for girls. "Yeah. Ok." He changed into Zayn's sweater and gathered his things. "Tomorrow, then."

 

"Yeah, since you'd rather search for arrogant, rich kids with fucked up daddies," Zayn shrugged like it was no big deal. "Tomorrow."

 

"Don't be sore," Niall said, coming up behind him and hugging him tightly. "I'll come by if I can. You know I will." He kissed Zayn's earlobe.

 

"Yeah, alright, text me if you do," Zayn said and hugged back, giving a quick squeeze. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to reach us:
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	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Very smutty, very graphic. The Ray/Niall has been trimmed to a minimum.

It was the best orgasm Ray had had in maybe a decade. It took him a long moment to come down and for his mind to clear enough to notice that he was cradling Niall's body against him in something that easily could be mistaken as a loving embrace. As realization of what had just happened dawned on him like an ice shower, he released Niall and moved away, still breathing hard. He stared at Niall's panting, messy form and their eyes met, maybe Ray was imagining it, but he thought he saw understanding.

Niall did understand, shameful as it was, but he couldn't maintain the eye contact, either. He stayed very still, not knowing what to say, not knowing if he should apologize, if he should address what happened between them.

Ray didn't say anything or move either as he tried to make his brain work properly again. He'd said too much, exposed too much and he knew that Niall had no doubt deduced his inappropriate feelings. Ray quickly came to the conclusion that he didn't care; Niall had too much to lose to talk to anyone else about it and even if he did, against all expectations, nobody would believe him. Ray finally moved, he grabbed Niall's chin and forced him to lift his face. "Go clean up," he said quietly. 

Niall nodded, limping as he went to the bathroom. He unbuttoned Harry's shirt slowly, stripping off the character as he did the clothes. It was a comfort to put on Zayn's hoodie and become himself again. When he wobbled back into the bedroom, he just said quietly, "And Wednesday, too?"

Ray had been staring at the photograph of Harry on his phone, but looked up when Niall came out. He nodded. "I'll let you know otherwise." He gestured for Niall to take the envelope from the night stand and be on his way.

Niall nodded and left. 

~*~

His first stop was to go by Louis'. Even though he wanted to get to Zayn's, he felt like so much happened he had to relay it to the man who was now becoming his best friend, since Zayn was slowly becoming his lover. He knocked on Louis' door around 12 am.

Louis was more or less shouting into his phone when Niall slipped into his apartment. "For fucks sake, Poppy, if you've seen him then fucking tell me! What? No, what are you even---oh, fuck you, Simmons; Harry doesn't even give a rat's as about you!" Louis hung up and flung the phone into the sofa cushions in frustration. "God damn it!"

Niall's eyebrows went up. "How's the search?"

Louis buried his face in his hands with a deep groan that was an answer in itself. "If Harry Styles doesn't want to be found, he can't be found. Jesus Christ when I see him I'm going to kill him."

Niall smiled softly and approached, putting his hands on Louis' shoulders and stroking lovingly down his back. "Has Harry disappeared before?"

Louis snorted. "Every God damn time something doesn't go his way. Or when he feels like giving people who actually care about him a heart attack. Why is he like this?"

"Because he's spoiled in the wrong way. He needs real love and attention," Niall said, just knowing. He pressed his cheek into Louis' warm shoulder and hugged him from behind, so blissed out from two great orgasms.

"You know...there was once I thought I could y ' know...heal him." Louis blushed a bit, embarrassed at the remainder of how he once so naively thought that there could be something between them.

"Were you in love with him?" Niall asked, rocking him gently.

Louis thought about it properly then shook his head. "Infatuated," he said letting out a small embarrassed laugh. He leaned into Niall's embrace. "He's just so...I don't know. People like him...you can't help but crave to see a side of them that no one else does."

"And have you?" Niall asked, genuinely.

"Seen that side no one else has?" Louis smiled a bit and shook his head. "Even though he’s my best friend, he still makes me feel like I barely know him. Like...it's like he only shows people what he wants them to see and nothing more."

Niall sighed and squeezed Louis lovingly. "Yeah. That's what I see of him, too. He must be so lonely."

"It's his parents fault; if they could just...love him like they're supposed to." Louis curled into Niall and his eyes widened a bit. "Niall...you reek of sex."

"Yeah," Niall said softly. "Twice today. Wanna make it three?" he flirted, kissing Louis' neck.

"Holy shit, you've really gotten your dick wet haven't you?" Louis laughed and turned to face Niall. "You look so fucking sated, you little shit. I take things are better than okay with Mr. Cheekbones and Jaw?"

"We... We got off together today. But he's still -- I don't know. He certainly isn't all in." Niall shrugged as if it wasn't such a big deal. "What about you? Getting laid much?"

"You think he'd let me suck his dick?" Louis grinned. "Seriously Niall, don't be selfish and pass him over every once in a while."

"No," Niall blushed. "No, I'm mad for him. God, Louis, I'm... I feel like I'll never love another person on earth the way I love him."

Louis eyes softened and he smiled: he understood, God only knew how well he understood. "I was joking," he said and pinched Niall's nose. "You're both very lucky. You look beautiful together. "

Niall sighed, a small line appearing between his brows. "I don't... It still feels like it'll fall apart at any second. Any second, Louis." Then he shook his head. "Lots of drama for the pair of us, huh?"

"Well, we don't live boring lives, that's for sure," Louis wrapped his arms around Niall's neck. "We’ll be fine though. If these stupid boys don't man up, then we'll still have each other." Louis grinned and pecked Niall on the mouth.

Niall smiled at him, then gently nuzzled his face. "Harry will come back. If he does this a lot, I just have a feeling."

Louis sighed and nodded. He was just scared that this time Harry would do something stupid and put himself in danger; he was terrified because at the end of the day Harry was just a kid, a very lonely kid. He shook the thoughts of and pressed closer to Niall. "Let's go back--you asked if I got laid," Louis smirked though his face quickly slipped into an innocent one. "Why? Were you thinking of helping me out? "

Niall smiled warmly at him. "I think you're perfect. You’re gorgeous and fun and smart and so generous and warm hearted -- you should get laid all the time. I don't want you hung up on stupid old Liam. And yes, I'd fuck you in a heartbeat, if you wanted." He beamed at him like the sun and laughed gaily.

Louis let out a very girly squeak and hugged Niall tightly. "Oh my God, why can't we be in love?" He sighed wistfully. He curled his thigh over Niall's hip like a koala. "But would you really fuck me if I asked?”

Niall smiled at him. "I would love to," he said, openly. "You've been nothing but kind to me and I want you to be happy." He leaned in and kissed Louis softly. "But things with Zayn... I don't know where we stand. I would just die if I had a chance and ruined it."

"I understand," Louis sighed and nuzzled Niall's neck. He hadn't gotten laid in a while now, but he wasn't for the life of him risking Niall's chances with Zayn. "My hand and prick are getting tired of each other," he said with a slight chuckle.

"Maybe..." Niall whispered in his ear. "Want me to give you a handie? That's not anything real." He kissed Louis' jaw. "Probably still shouldn't tell Zayn, though. Just between friends?" It would have been easier to resist if Niall wasn't certain that Zayn was texting Nicole right now, trying to plot the soonest possible moment they could fuck.

Louis giggled a bit and took Niall's hand leading him to his room. "Might as well fuck me," Louis said and spread himself out on the bed. "Go hard or go home."

Niall bit his lip. Goddamn, Louis was beautiful. "Would you really want me on top?" He crawled up on the bed, between Louis' legs. "Inside you?"

Once Niall was between his legs, Louis locked him there with his thighs. He looked up at Niall and swallowed a bit when he realized he was turned on just by having another body hovering over him; it really had been too long. "You haven't topped before, right?" Louis said with a bit of a smirk and stroked down Niall's back.

"No..." 

Niall really, really wanted to fuck him. He wanted to top, for once in his life and he wasn't lying when he said Louis was gorgeous. He kissed Louis' cheek and nuzzled his ear.

"You can top me," Louis purred under Niall's soft kisses, his hips locking tighter around Niall's hips. "I've been told I'm an excellent bottom."

Niall sunk his weight into Louis, rolling his hips with him so slowly. He kissed his throat and stroked his fingers through his hair and thought of what it would be like to have a lover like Louis. "Jesus," he gasped. "In a different universe..." he smiled, imagining. "I would wait for you to come home from school and then carry you upstairs and the bed covers--" he stroked his hands over Louis' fine comforter, "would be all rumpled up in this warm, cuddly nest and I would make love to you for fucking hours, until you got too hungry to go on and then I'd make you some... some..." he thought about what he could cook, "cheesy pasta."

Louis moaned happily and rolled his hips, desperate for more friction. "Oh my God, you're so...cheesy!" Louis laughed and grabbed Niall's face, nuzzling his lips, "But that sounds like a fucking dream. Why can't that happen? Jesus, something went wrong in the universe. It should have been us."

Niall kissed him hard, rolling his hips against his butt. "You would love my nest. I haven't even shown you a proper nest, yet," he snickered. "And who knows? Maybe I'd be a lousy top..."

Louis giggled though the giggle quickly cut off into a lewd moan, "You know what? I can ride you!" He pushed Niall up so he could sit up and kissed him messily on the lips. "Do you want me to sit on your dick, Niall?" He grinned into his mouth, eyes hazy, "I can bounce in your lap. Maybe I'll burn off that cake I ate earlier today. It's a win-win."

Niall panted against his lips, feeling all that sexual energy come pouring down again. "Yes," he gasped. "But I really want to nail your ass, too."

Louis found it both arousing and hilarious. "The night is still young, my dear," he said in a ridiculously dramatic way. "But first, let me at your cock. I want to see what it looks like." He went straight for Niall's pants.

Niall let Louis open his pants, feeling his toes curl at the thought of touching him. But the second his cock hit air, he knew this was wrong. "Wait," he said, holding Louis' hands, "I can't -- I can't do... Not now. I can't do this now."

Louis looked up, wide-eyed, he looked like a child who'd just been stopped seconds before grabbing some candy. "What is it?" he asked, mind a little hazy with the possibility of getting fucked.

"I just..." Niall leaned forward, his forehead against Louis', clearly wanting him, clearly so curious about where all of this could go. "Not until I'm clear with Zayn -- he's already wary of you and I accused him ... I accused him sort of, of getting ... of being into another guy. He'd just... He'd be so angry if we weren't clear. You know? But I want to." He put Louis' hand on his half-exposed, rock hard cock. "Goddamn, Louis, I want to."

Louis touched what he could of Niall's dick and let out a soft whine. "I understand," he said and nodded, trying to control himself but somehow he was still leaning into Niall and curling his hips, so needy. "I just...oh God...where I'm I gonna find someone who'll fuck me." He whimpered a bit and bit down his lip. "Right now, I'm so desperate that I'm even considering going to Harry, but hey, he's not here. That stupid shit."

Even though Niall had drawn the line, he still curled over Louis' body, nuzzling into his hair. "Did you two fuck casually?"

Louis swallowed a bit, his hand was still on Niall's dick and he let his fingertips slide over it once before he forced himself to remove the hand, curling it into Niall's shirt instead. "Yeah," he said quietly, "It was back in freshman year. We'd get drunk and fuck till the sun came out." He sighed, "But I stopped it because I got scared that I'd develop feelings for him."

"He'd never commit to anybody?" Niall asked, trailing his fingers over Louis' shirt, not bothering to tuck himself back in. God, he just wanted to suck on Louis' nipples.

"No," Louis sighed and shook his head, he pushed his hand up under the back of Niall's shirt, because he couldn't control himself. "He fucked so good and we were only 15." Louis let out another sigh as he was remembered their compulsive fucking. "Like, I can only imagine how much he has improved." Louis couldn't believe he was seriously considering jumping back into it with Harry but that probably had something to do with the blood that was supposed to be in his head being in his dick.

"Might've gotten worse," Niall said with a shrug. "People get worse the more self-centered they get." Harry seemed really self-centered to him. He cradled Louis' hips in his hand, testing the feel of them. "What's he like in bed?"

"God, I really hope he hasn't gotten worse," Louis leaned in and playfully bit down Niall's shoulder. "He has dirty kinks, God, he gets off on fucking in public places. We've sneaked in fucks in school and social gatherings more than we have in bed."

"Holy shit," Niall moaned, thinking not only was that kinky, but pretty fucking sexy. He chewed his lip, finding himself curious about other things. "What was... Liam like in bed? If you don't mind my asking...."

"Oh," Louis deflated a bit, but he replied nonethless, "Liam...God, Liam..." He let out a deep sigh, smiling as he was brought back to that blessed time, "...he's a real gentleman, really sensitive and sensible and I thought being in bed with him would be candle lights and roses and all that jazz, but God was I wrong, the first time we had sex, he had me pinned up against the wall.." Louis moaned and subconsciously grinded against Niall, getting increasingly hornier, "...he has the body and build to just keep me in place and fuck into me...oh my God, Niall...he's an animal in bed. He's like a completely different person."

Niall stared at him. Knowing the man, this was incomprehensible. "Really? I -- No way."

"He's prim and proper, but in bed he's a ...such a man," Louis sighed.

Niall blinked. He imagined Liam might be a bit of a wilting violet in bed. "And what are you like in bed?" he asked, eager to know.

Louis looked at Niall and bit down his lip. "Wanna find out?" he purred, clutching the front of Niall's hoodie tightly.

"Yes," Niall said sincerely. "Yes. But I want... I want to do it without worrying that I may be ruining the best thing that ever happened to me..."

Louis nodded and took a deep breath, trying to control himself. He kissed Niall softly and nodded again. "I understand," he smiled. "But...what’s he's like? In bed?" He was really curious.

Niall nearly melted. "He said he wanted to make love to me... like... really, actually make love to me -- look me in the eye like he was glad it was me beneath him. I've never had that before."

"Aww," Louis cooed, "that's so romantic. Okay, I would kill myself if I ruined that for you. I think I'm going to take a wank in the shower." He pecked Niall and pulled away from him.

Niall sighed heavily. "Say goodbye to me first," he said, tucking himself back in. "I told Zayn I'd try to sneak in tonight if I could..."

"That is so fucking cute, sneaking into his room. If he's asleep you should wake him up with your mouth on his dick," Louis wriggled his brows and laughed loudly. 

Niall grinned. "I might, but I promised to text him first. If his parents find out, it's all over."

"Disapproving parents are such cockblocks," Louis sighed and hopped off the bed. He reached for Niall's hand. "Come on, let me lead you to the door and shove my tongue down your throat as good luck."

"Yes, please," Niall laughed, feeling his heart explode in gratitude that the universe had blessed him with such fortune as to meet Louis Tomlinson. When they got to the door, Niall stood there like a preteen, lips jutted forward for his promised kiss.

Louis laughed and made a show of cupping Niall's face in his hands. He pressed his lips against Niall's in a deep kiss, quickly licking into his mouth. "Is it just me or can I taste dick in your mouth?" Louis said into Niall's open mouth, giggling.

"I-- I swished with a lot of water!" Niall protested, laughing with Louis and felling a little embarrassed.

"I'm teasing you," Louis chuckled and kissed Niall properly, tangling his tongue filthily with Niall's. After a thorough kiss, he pulled back and smiled. "Go, make me proud," he grinned and smacked Niall's butt. 

Niall smiled, reluctant to let Louis go. "Ok," he grinned. "I'll see you tomorrow. Keep me updated." Then he trotted off into the night. He was at Zayn's a half an hour later, chucking pebbles at his window.

Zayn opened the window and though he looked a bit sad, he managed to smile at Niall. "Come to the front door," he said and without further explanation, he closed the window.

Niall's eyebrow went up. This didn't bode well. He went round to the front, his eyebrows high on his forehead.

Zayn opened the door before Niall reached it. "Hey," he said and gave Niall a quick hug, pulling him inside. "Don't worry, my parents aren't home. They're at the hospital."

Niall went rigid at the word 'hospital'. "What? Why? What happened?"

Zayn looked pale and worried. "It's my grandpa," he said and rubbed his face. "My grandmother called around midnight and said he'd had a stroke. My parents left immediately."

"Oh, baby," Niall sighed, wrapping his arms around his friend and holding him close. He knew how important family was to Zayn, no matter how much he tried to hide it.

Zayn sagged a bit in Niall's arms and nuzzled his neck. "My father has tried to get them come to live with us, but my grandpa is so stubborn. I don't know, maybe it's a pride thing."

“How old is he?" Niall asked, leading Zayn into the bedroom.

"I don't know, in his eighties?" Zayn shrugged and closed the door to his room, collapsing on the bed with a small sigh. "But he's in good form for his age."

"Well... Don't panic. These things start to happen when you get older."

"I'm just worried," he said and stared at the ceiling. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "Anyway, I'm sure he'll be alright."

"He will," Niall assured him. "You would've heard by now if he wasn't -- right?"

"I guess," Zayn said with a slight nod. He tried to shake off the negative thoughts and went over and put on some music, lowering the volume so he didn't wake his sleeping sisters. He looked up at Niall with a smile and said, "So, are you hungry? I think there's some leftover curry rice in the fridge."

Niall smiled at him. "I am a bit, yeah..." He followed his friend down the stairs. "So... aside from the obvious upset, how was your evening?"

"Well, apparently not so pleasant," Zayn said and made a grimace. He opened the fridge and took out the food. "I just found out that Waliyah is sneaking around with a douche who's like 4 years older than her. She's fucking 15 and apparently she can't see what the problem is. We really got into it." Zayn put the food in the microwave.

Niall didn't really see what the problem was, either. "Um. Is he bad to her?"

"She's my little sister and that guy is fucking gross. He doesn't deserve her," Zayn replied and placed the heated dinner of curry rice and chicken in front of Niall.

Niall saw that this was not going to be a rational discussion. "They aren't having sex are they?"

Zayn made a disgusted face. "Fuck no," he said as he led Niall back to his room. "Niall, he's a guy -- that's probably all he wants."

"So, just arm her," Niall said. "She knows how to say no -- I've seen it."

"She's a teenage girl who I suspect thinks she's in love," Zayn rolled his eyes. "She's become so sassy and sometimes outright scary. Tell me you've had a better evening."

"Well," Niall shrugged. He wouldn't tell Zayn about his experience with Ray, of course. "I stopped by and saw Louis." Which he couldn't really go into detail about, either.

"Yeah, I figured," Zayn said. "Any luck finding the kid?" He wasn't really concerned, just curious.

"No. But apparently he does it a lot, so I'm not too concerned."

"Spoiled, rich kid," Zayn said with a roll of his eyes. He lay down on his bed and looked up at Niall with a soft lazy smile, without a word patting the space next to him.

Niall smiled and kicked off his shoes before curling up next to him, just as he had done before he'd confessed his love. "Hey," he said softly.

Zayn turned on his side and faced him, "Hey," he replied, softly tracing Niall's face with a finger, gaze flickering over his face as if he was seeing him for the first time or seeing him for the last and trying to tattoo his face in his mind.

"What?" Niall asked with a soft laugh -- that was quite a look.

Zayn just smiled. "Nothing," he muttered. "Just looking at you. You have a few freckles," Zayn said as if he hadn't noticed before. "Can I join them up with a sharpie?" 

"No!" Niall laughed. "But you can draw your tattoo on me if you want."

Zayn's eyes brightened. "Yeah!" he said, excited like a little child. He went over to his desk and quickly found a sharpie before returning to Niall. "So, have you thought of where you want it?"

Niall pointed to the nape of his neck, nearer the front. "Here..." That's where he best liked Zayn to kiss him.

Zayn smiled. "Sweet spot," he said and opened the sharpie. "Maybe turn on your back? I think I can get at it easier that way."

He leaned close over Niall and began to draw the tattoo into Niall's skin, his face concentrated, biting slightly into his bottom lip.

He was so close and Niall had gotten so riled up by Louis, he was getting quite hot. He put his hands on Zayn's hips, wondering what it would be like to have Zayn ride his cock like Louis wanted to.

Zayn barely noticed, so into getting the tattoo as right as you could with a sharpie and poor lightning. Once he was done, he pulled away and regarded his work. It didn't look exactly what he had in mind but the black looked good against the white of Niall's skin. "Not too bad. I should become a tattoo artist," he said with a slight grin.

"You should." Niall wanted to see it, but more than that, he wanted Zayn to stay sitting on his hips. He reached for Zayn's shirt and gave him a gentle tug, wanting a kiss.

"You think?" Zayn smiled and leaned down, kissing Niall lazily on the lips, "Or maybe we can become drug kingpins, have everything we wanted; more than anything, travel the world." Zayn sighed wistfully and stroked through Niall's hair. "We should begin saving up, so we can take off right after we graduate. A trip around Europe."

Niall smiled at him. He couldn't go anywhere with Amy in the state she was in, but he could play make-believe. "Yeah? Let's do it," Niall said, kissing him again, trying to get a read on how into it Zayn was.

Zayn kissed back for a few moments. "Do you ever think of what you want to do? After high school?" He hadn't been able to stop thinking about it since Liam asked him. The new boy made him think about it more than his parents and teachers ever had. It probably had to do with how Liam seemed to know exactly what he wanted. Zayn envied him for that.

"I want... to take care of Amy," Niall shrugged. It was the only thing he could think of, frankly. He had no future outside of that, until Amy either healed or died.

Zayn nodded in understanding. "Say she gets better and she goes back to school. Pretend you can do whatever you want, what would you do?"

Niall had never thought about that. It was always day by day for him. Just to get through it, get the money, pay the hospital, let Amy live another day. He closed his eyes and gave it serious consideration, this fantasy. "I don't know, I just. Maybe help. I would help other kids like Amy. I would help kids who, y'know -- like me. I'd like to do something. I mean, I would keep helping. There would have to be something other than foster care, some way to help kids who are sort of helpless." As he spoke, Niall became more emotional as if for the first time he was realizing something very important to him. "I just... If I was in any position to fix it, I would. I can't bear that it's like this. It's almost worse that I know I'm not alone."

Zayn hadn't expected anything like that at all. Though as he looked down at Niall as he got emotional, he felt his heart expand impossibly and he leaned down and gave Niall a kiss, smiling at him lovingly. "That's really inspiring, babe," he said quietly and stroked down Niall's face. "You're already making a change for your sister and I'm sure you're going to continue to make a change for others. You have a beautiful heart." And he wished his father could see past the superficial and give Niall a chance.

Niall couldn't help but feel so sad. He wanted to help and he simply couldn't. He appreciated Zayn's kiss, but he'd shifted internally somewhat. He looked up at him and kissed Zayn's fingertips as they passed. "What about you?"

Zayn still had no freaking idea and now that he saw that even Niall had an idea of what he wanted to do, he got even more restless inside. At the back of his mind, he somehow feared that he'd end up following his father's wishes and go to some med school like his older sister. "I don't know," he said and blinked. "I really don't know."

Niall smiled at him. "Don't worry, babe. You're just struggling because you're good at so much."

Zayn smiled half-heartedly and shook his head. "I'm not good at many things -- just weed. And the only place that'll get me is behind bars."

"But you could grow anything, Zayn. Seriously. And hemp isn't illegal, everywhere... or something. You’re the best gardener I've ever seen."

Zayn smiled and ran a hand through Niall's hair. "Yeah, but there's still all the expectations."

"I don't expect anything of you," Niall said, looping his hands around Zayn's waist. "Just that you should be happy. I love seeing you happy."

"Thank you, babe," Zayn said with a soft smile, "but I was talking about my family."

"I know you were," Niall sighed. "But I can't comfort you about them. Or change them. Or make them see how perfect you are."

Zayn let out a soft sigh. His father loved him, no doubt about that, and he really just wanted the best for Zayn; and according to his father, he always knew what was best for him. "Do you...ever think of your father?" he asked cautiously. "Like...where he is and stuff? If he's alive?"

Niall sighed heavily. This was a bit deeper than he wanted to go, especially after what had happened with Ray. "Of course, Zayn," he said softly.

Zayn could sense that Niall didn't talk further about it, so he just nodded with a small smile.

"You ready to sleep?" Niall asked softly. "If you think you can?"

"I can try," Zayn said and rolled off of Niall. He got off the bed and went over to turn off the lights before crawling back onto the bed.

Niall cuddled into him as soon as he was back in the bed. He nuzzled into his neck and trailed his fingers over his collar bone. "Um... Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," Zayn hummed.

"I just... I'm not asking to be possessive, or to try to push you into anything, or sound jealous. I just want to know where things stand. Ok? I just want to know if you... If you're still going to, y'know... Sleep with girls. Actively pursue them."

Zayn wasn't prepared for that and subconsciously pulled a bit back from Niall. He blinked into the darkness. "I haven't...I haven't had much time to do that--y'know, girls..." Zayn licked his lip a bit, because in all honestly he still wanted Nicole but they hadn't talked since she'd caught him on top of Niall. He didn't want to say that out loud, though, because he didn't want to hurt Niall.

"I know. I know and I'm not saying -- I'm not asking you not to, I just need to know what you intend..."

"Are you asking me if I want to sleep with girls or if I'm planning it?"

"If you're planning on it." He choked back that he knew he wanted to.

"I'm not...planning on anything," Zayn said after a moment of tense silence. He shifted. If the chance to sleep with Nicole presented itself, he knew he would take it; he was still attracted to her. 

Niall could tell this conversation wasn't going to naturally get him an answer. He needed to force it. "I'm asking because I need to know if I... can... I need to know, because I have-- there's a--" He huffed. There was no way to go about this. "I want to be with you. Obviously. But I know you're not... on the same page. And if that's the case or if you ..." This wasn't the right track either. "I need to know if I can sleep with other people without betraying you or forcing you away," he said, just getting to the point.

It took a moment for Zayn to realize what Niall was trying to say. He slowly turned to look at what he could make out of Niall in the semi-dark room. "Niall...if you want to sleep with someone then...” Zayn hesitated for a moment, but continued, "...then you don't have to get permission from me. I'm not your...we're not...we aren't together."

"I know," Niall said, quickly. "But I don't... Want to ruin the potential of being with you... Or... I just don't want to make a mistake."

The truth of the matter was that Zayn didn't think he was going to get together with a boy, not while he was living under his father's roof, under his rules and expectations; the risk of losing his family was too big. "Don't worry," he said quietly. "I’m still trying to figure out if I like boys a little...or if it's just you." All he knew that at the moment, he was definitely more into girls. "...it's not going to ruin anything." Hopefully.

Niall sighed. Perhaps somewhere, deep in his belly, he was hoping Zayn would get jealous. No, he was absolutely hoping Zayn would get jealous and was starkly disappointed in the non- reaction. His heart felt hopeless. "Ok," he said quietly, rolling onto his back, out of Zayn's arms. He looked at the ceiling for a few seconds before trying to force his eyes shut.

Zayn stared at the ceiling for a few long moments, deep in thought. "Who is it you want to sleep with?” 

"Louis."

"Oh." Zayn was silent for a moment, "I thought you were just friends." He'd suspected there was more to the friendship what with how close Niall had gotten to this guy within the span of a week.

"Well... We were. We sort of bonded over ... I mean, y'know."

"Cool," Zayn said flatly and rolled onto his side, facing away from Niall. "So, he's over Liam?"

"No," Niall said immediately. "He's really busted up over it. Still." He rolled back so he was facing his friend's back. "It'll be a long time before he can properly love someone else, I think."

Zayn stared at what he could see of the band poster plastered on the wall he was facing. "Liam as well," he muttered. 

"Zayn," Niall said softly, "you've gone really far away." Both physically and emotionally.

"Tired," Zayn mumbled and he suddenly felt like being alone with his thoughts, because he still wasn't sure how he felt about anything at all.

Ouch. Niall rolled back onto his back and said nothing, just staring at the ceiling, feeling a pit in his stomach where Zayn and Zayn's love used to be.

~*~

Niall snuck out of Zayn's when he heard his parents come in in the wee hours of the morning. He decided, rather than school, he would rather go complete pricing for the items he needed for the greenhouse.

Zayn was woken up by his father for school and also with much better news; his grandfather was going to be fine. At school, Zayn found Liam by his locker and he approached him. "Morning," he said, looking half-asleep himself.

Liam smiled at him. "I like this," he said, playing with the hoodie that covered Zayn's hair. "You ok....?" Last he saw Zayn, he looked like he was about to get into a knock-down-drag-out with Niall.

Zayn shrugged and scratched the stubble on his chin; he really needed to shave. "I've been better...a lot better," he muttered, blinking slowly. "Sorry about yesterday."

"Are things cool with you and Niall?" Liam asked, getting his books together and walking with Zayn down the corridor.

"I don't know," Zayn said honestly. "First they were and then I didn't think they were." He let out a weary sigh and steered Liam in the direction of the cafeteria. "I need caffeine or I'm going to die."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Liam offered gently. After all he'd spilled to Zayn about Louis, he really felt that there was nothing Zayn needed to hide from him -- and he wasn't an idiot. He knew there was something more going on than just a friend spat.

Zayn didn't reply for a moment, going about buying the largest cup of coffee he could. "Maybe later," he said. "Tell me your evening was better."

Liam shrugged. "I had a nice dinner with my parents, then finished up the English homework. I think we'll get an 'A'."

Zayn smiled dryly. "Yeah, you'll get an ‘A’. I didn't do anything, remember?" 

"No, we did it together," Liam smiled at him. "Want to hang out tonight?"

Zayn took a sip of his coffee and found himself considering how Niall would feel about it but then he remembered that Niall was going to sleep with Louis. "Only if you're going to show me your room," Zayn said with a slight smirk.

"My room?" Liam asked. "Oh, because I didn't get around to showing you last time?"

"Because I want to see where you sleep at night," Zayn said with a straight face.

"Why?" Liam looked even more confused.

Zayn rolled his eyes a bit. "I'm kidding," he said. "What do you want to do?"

"Hang out. It's nice to have a friend," Liam replied, unselfconscious of how pathetic that sounded.

Zayn's eyes softened a bit. "It's Thursday. We usually go to the record shop," he said and realized that he was saying 'we' as in him and Niall, but he was almost sure that Niall would be too busy with Louis to hang out with him. "A friend of mine, Ed Sheeran, he plays a few songs. He has a sick voice. We could go there if you'd like."

"I really don't want to wedge into something you do with Niall," he said sincerely. "I can tell he doesn't like me and I don't want you two to fight."

"Well, I don't think he's going," Zayn said with a small shrug, "and I'd really like to go."

"Yeah, but you didn't think he'd be at the greenhouse, either," Liam said, sitting down in a chair next to Zayn's in their first hour.

"If he's there, then he'll be there," Zayn said. "He has made new friends, so he'll just have to be alright with us hanging out."

Liam looked uncertain, but he did want to hang out with Zayn. He liked him a lot. "Ok," he smiled. "Record shop it is."

Zayn smiled, "Cool," he said and turned to face the front as the teacher arrived. He had a feeling that maybe this was a bad idea, but after what Niall had asked him last night, he couldn't bring himself to care.

~*~

Niall was waiting at the gates of the private school, eager to see his friend. He started hopping on his toes at the sight of him, waving frantically.

Louis brightened up when he saw Niall and he ran over. "Hey!" He shouted and jumped on Niall in a hug, nearly toppling them over.

Niall giggled. "How are you? How much time do you have? What are we doing?"

"I'm good! Listen, there's this ridiculous rumor that Harry has run off to Japan to be a model." Louis rolled his eyes and shook his head. "How stupid does that sound?"

To Niall it sounded amazing. He wanted to run off to Japan and try something outrageous. "He could. He'd be a fantastic model. I'm glad you've found him. Are you calmer now?"

"It's a rumor," Louis said, even though it did sound like something Harry could do. "I don't believe it. But hey, there's this huge party in New York next week. It's legendary, something Harry wouldn't miss, so I think he'll be there. If he isn't, that's when I start to panic."

"Can I come?" Niall asked, putting on his prettiest face.

"I will find a way to get you in if it's the last thing I do," Louis said with a huge grin and smacked a kiss against Niall's lips. 

Niall liked that. God, he liked someone casually showing him love, without reservation. They got a few looks and a catcall from a cheeky girl, but otherwise, Niall felt safe with this. "Um. Talked to Zayn... about, y'know..."

Louis slipped his hand in Niall’s and tugged him along. "Give me all the juicy gossip over a fat sandwich," he said with a smile and began walking towards his apartment. "I'm starving."

Niall smiled and cuddled his shoulder. "It didn't go well. I mean, it just... We were in bed together -- just getting ready to sleep -- and I was trying to ask him if he was going to sleep with girls, still. He gave me an absolutely noncommittal answer that was like -- Nothing. He basically said nothing, so I just said, ‘I want to sleep with someone.’ He told me it was ok, but then he completely shut down. He turned away from me and everything. We slept like, like, I don't know, homophobes all night."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, that sucks," Louis said sincerely and wrapped his arm around Niall's waist and gave him a side-ways hug. He was thoughtful for a moment, "Tell me about his family, what are their views on homosexuality?"

"Bad. Muslim," Niall said, as if that described it all. "They want Zayn to be a doctor, too. A respectable figure in the community."

Louis winced, "Ok. That is worse than I thought," he said and chewed on the inside of his cheek, "How does Zayn feel about that?"

"He pretends he's a rebel, but he only goes so far. He would never do anything to really piss off his family."

They reached the apartment and Louis opened the door. "He has too many similarities with Liam," Louis muttered and shook his head. He led Niall into the kitchen and began making them sandwiches.

"Not in bed, though. Zayn's all jazz and staring into each other's eyes." He liked that.

Louis smirked. "But he's all in for sleeping with you? Just as long as his parents don't find out?"

The way Louis said that -- it just sounded horrible. For a moment, Niall saw a pit of despair open in him, but he reeled it back. "No-- No, it's not just that. He's not secure with himself. If he likes boys -- if he likes me."

"That sounds like a right dilemma," Louis said and finished up the sandwiches, then he gestured for Niall to follow him into the living room. "And it doesn't sound like he meant it when he gave you permission to sleep with other people."

"But he can't -- He can't expect me not to fool around if I can feel he's probably... He's probably not going to go for me, is he?"

"If he's as family-oriented as he sounds...I don't know, I can't tell you," Louis said and cuddled into Niall, giving him a comforting kiss on the cheek. "But you're right, he can't expect you to wait for him forever."

Niall sighed, sad. "I really want to have sex with you," he moped.

Louis looked at Niall for a moment before he promptly crawled into his lap. "Then please, I've been fingering myself last night to the thought of your dick inside of me," Louis said with a slight grin.

That made Niall's blood set fire and all of his groin muscles tingled. "Wh- Now? We don't have the time!"

Louis glanced at his watch, he had class in 15 minutes, but damn, he'd blow it off in favor of having sex with Niall. "Do you have to be anywhere?" Louis asked, rolling his hips slightly.

Niall gasped hard. "No..."

Louis grabbed Niall's face between his hand and gave him a deep kiss that left them both breathless. "Tell me you're sure about this," he panted, looking Niall directly in the eye.

"Yes," Niall said sincerely. "Yes, I want to-- I want to see what it's like... with you." This sex with people he was actually attracted to was new and exciting. And to be on top, even more so. He couldn't believe Zayn would hold this against him when he knew Zayn still had his eye on Nicole.

"Oh thank God," Louis said relieved, he hadn't been sure he'd be able to hold himself back if Niall had said no. "Carry me to the bedroom," he urged, his fingers already rutting up Niall's shirt.

Niall did as he was told. He hoisted Louis in his arms and it was a really strong showing -- until he was halfway up the stairs. Then he had to put him down for a minute and catch his breath. "Hold on," he gasped, trying not to giggle. Niall was certainly muscular, but he was no Liam. When he caught his breath, he flung Louis over his shoulder and raced to his room, barely tackling him to the bed.

Louis was laughing and gasping for breath. He grabbed Niall's collar and tugged him down to him. "Don't make me feel like I'm fat," he said, grinning. 

"You're not, you're gorgeous. You've got these hips--" Niall said, unbuttoning his jeans and tugging down his pants. "These trim, sexy little hips..." he leaned in and started nibbling on them, running his tongue down the crease that led to his groin.

Louis' thighs automatically spread wider open and he moaned. "I need you naked, now," he said and sat up, pushing Niall up as well. He helped Niall out of his shirt, flinging it on the floor, before going for his pants. "Are you going to let me ride you? Or do you want to 'nail my ass' first?" 

Niall snickered, kissing up his tummy and nibbling on him. "Fuck, I want to eat you alive." He thought about that. "I want to eat you out. Do we have time?"

"Oh God, yes! There's always time for eating me out," Louis said and kissed Niall filthily before he laid back down on the bed, on his stomach, jutting his ass in the air eagerly.

Niall kissed up his thighs and nibbled on his cheeks. "You have the cutest fucking butt, Louis... Just adorable." He patted his soft cheeks, enjoying their give, then dragged his tongue from as deep between Louis' thighs as he could reach, to the top of his crack. "Who was the first guy you fantasized about?" he asked, swirling his tongue around Louis' rim.

Louis' bucked his hips whining. His cock was already getting to the point of rock hard and he pushed his ass back against that wet tongue, eager to get it inside of him. "What do you mean?" he panted softly. "Like the first guy ever?"

"Yeah. Your first boy fantasy. Tell me about it." He kept teasing with his tongue, almost as if he was holding out for his story until he pushed inside.

"Harry," Louis said, cheeks flushed, "in 8th grade. He used to have this obsession with red lollipops. They'd leave his mouth bright red and God, all I wanted was his mouth on my dick." 

That sent chills through Niall and he purred against Louis' cheek. "Did he suck you?" He curled his tongue against Louis' hole and pushed inside as deep as he could.

Louis yelped as he felt the soft wetness penetrate his tight hole. He trembled a bit, fingers curling into the soft sheets and it took him a moment before he could reply, "We weren't friends at that point. I just used to thirst for him from a distance, like pretty much everyone else. It first happened in the summer before high school."

"God, you're tight," Niall panted, wondering how long it had really been for Louis. He started eating him out in earnest, working the small muscles to encourage them to give. "What happened?"

Louis rocked back against Niall's tongue, moaning. "Oh God, feels so good," he whimpered, his cock was now standing hard against his stomach, throbbing. "Our families were both spending the summer in St. Barth. I was thrilled. I had Harry all to myself, away from all his friends. We began hanging out a lot. At a party, we got so drunk that I told him about my fantasy. I thought he'd be freaked out but he just gave me this smirk and dropped to his knees."

"Fuck," Niall gasped, pushing a finger into Louis' heat and groaning at the grip. "He has an amazing mouth..."

"Ohhh," Louis let out a string of pretty moans. "More, come on, Niall, give me more," he begged shamelessly, feeling so needy.

"Like this," Niall said, flipping Louis onto his back and tucking up tight between his thighs. He pushed two fingers in Louis' hole and started to work them. "You're tight, baby," he panted, feeling so fucking sexy being on top of another boy for once, being in control of his pleasure. He leaned down and gave Louis a slutty kiss. "Feel good to be stretched out?"

Louis mouth was hanging open, eyes clenched shut and he clutched Niall's shoulder. "Yes," he moaned and threw his head back a bit. "Oh God. It feels so good." His hole clenched needily around the two fingers inside of him. "Please, give me your cock, I need your cock," Louis said with a slutty moan.

"I don't want to hurt you," Niall panted. "Jesus fuck, you're tight." He reached into the night stand where he knew the lube to be and handed Louis a condom. "Roll this on my cock, sexy."

Louis promptly threw the condom away and pulled Niall down for a messy kiss full of tongue and spit. "I want you to come inside of me," he panted, eyes dark with lust. "I love to be full of cum. I want to be dripping with it for hours."

Niall nearly went into paralysis from the arousal that overran him. "Fuck," he finally wheezed. "Oh, baby, fuck..." He grabbed his dick and even that was almost enough stimulation to bring him off. "I'm gonna come in you, then flip you over and fill you up again. Oh, Christ, Louis--" He tucked his friend's shins under his arms and spread him open wide. "And flexible too," he panted, before leaning down and kissing him savagely. He ran the tip of his cock up and down Louis' crack, slicking him with his precum.

Louis' hole winked hungrily and he nearly grabbed Niall's cock and pushed up inside of him, he was that desperate for it. "Please, I'm gagging for it, fuck me," he begged. "Fuck me till I can't move."

Niall couldn't stop himself. He was a young man and even without ever having topped before, he knew what to do. Having been on the bottom, he knew what to avoid and what to hit, and even if he didn't execute it perfectly, it was done with equal care and hunger. "Goddamn, you feel so good," he managed to groan.

The stretch was painful, but delicious. It has been so long that Louis already knew he wasn't going to last for very long. "Niall!" He gasped, clutching the other boy's shoulder tightly, "Oh fuck."

Niall kissed all over his face and his neck, pushing into him over and over. Admittedly, he didn't last long. "Louis! Oh, fuck, baby!" He was coming, filling Louis to the point where his cream was dripping down him.

That did it for him, the familiar feeling of hot come filling him up. He cried out as he reached his release, painting his chest and Niall's with white stripes. He fell back against the bed, sweating and panting. Once he came down, he grabbed Niall and kissed him on the lips. "I don't want to go back to school," he said, still gasping for breath. "I’d rather stay right here and have your dick up my ass."

"Yes," Niall panted, rubbing his lips into Louis'. "Yes, god, yes, I have another load for you. And another and another." He smiled as he kissed into his mouth. This wasn't at all sex with Zayn -- this wasn't true love. But he adored Louis, was so comfortable with him and found him absolutely delectable.

Louis laughed in delight. "This is the best idea ever," he said, locking his thighs around Niall's hips to keep him there; loving the weight on top of him. "That wasn't bad for your first time," Louis grinned and rubbed down Niall's back.

"Made you come," Niall laughed into his neck, getting comfortable on his hips. "Next time, I'm gonna find your prostate and make you come twice. Like a girl."

Louis giggled and squeezed Niall with his thighs. "I approve," he smirked, "and I'm going to pin you down and ride you. After that, you'll let me top and I'll eat you out. We are never going to leave this bed again."

Niall smiled and kissed Louis all over. He liked this. It gave him a chance to experiment, to learn and to trust someone not to hurt him. It was Niall's first foray into healthy sex.

~*~

Niall had crashed out after their fourth bout. He was blissed out of his mind, snoozing lightly with Louis on his chest. After about an hour and a half, he blinked awake and stared at the clock. "Oh, shit. Louis -- Louis I have to go... I have to meet Zayn at the record shop in 40 minutes and I don't want to be late..."  
\  
Louis blinked sleepily. "What? Nooo..." he moaned and clung tighter to Niall. "Don't leave, I'll be cold and alone."

Niall kissed him sweetly. "C'mon. Let's take a shower together and then you can drive me -- can I borrow some clothes?"

Louis rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and blinked innocently up at Niall. "Shower sex?" he suggested.

"You want more?" Niall chuckled, disbelieving.

"There's no such thing as 'too much sex'," Louis said with a pout though when he tried to sit up, he could feel the dull pain from his sore bottom and he grimaced. "Ok, maybe not right now."

Niall smiled and stroked over him gently, knowing he was probably still a little sensitive. "We can just pet each other -- and kiss." Niall really, really liked kissing. Zayn was right -- it was special.

"Sounds like a dream. Come on, let's shower." He gingerly climbed off the bed and lead Niall into the bathroom. He quickly adjusted the water of the shower before pulling Niall underneath it, kissing him before the water had properly hit their bodies.

Niall kissed him, deeply, sensuously. "Thank you," he said, when his lips were his own again. "Today was lovely."

"It was my pleasure," Louis smiled and reached for his shampoo, pouring some into Niall's hair and gently massaging it into his scalp. "You're going to smell like me."

"You always smell good," Niall laughed, soaping up his hands and running them over Louis' beautiful form. He slicked between his thighs and felt where he'd made an impression. "You still dripping with me?" he asked, his voice dropping an octave.

Louis shivered, hips curling automatically. "Yeah," he said, breathing a tad harder. He began washing down Niall's body. "Have you ever had anyone come inside of you?"

Niall shook his head, no. "Condom always. Never been with anyone I trusted."

Louis nodded in understanding. "If Zayn doesn't square up soon and fuck you into oblivion, then I will."

Niall smiled at him genuinely. "I'd like that. I would." He was so relaxed around Louis -- rather like he was with Zayn before the whole relationship thing became an issue. "This weekend, you'll come by the greenhouse, yeah?"

Louis' eyes brightened. "Are you inviting me to where all the magic happens? Fuck, yes!"

Niall laughed. "I'd love to show it to you. I mean, I have to clear it with Zayn, but he won't mind. He wants to expand, too. He's such an incredible gardener, you wouldn't believe. These plants are taller than you. By, like a foot. And they're beautiful, just healthy and lush--" he was gushing over them like most parents did their children.

Louis laughed. "He has magic fingers, eh?" Louis said with a glint in the eye. "You think he's good with his fingers in all areas?"

Niall winked at him. "He does. Draws too -- like it?" he nodded at the tattoo Zayn had marked him up with. It was still there, fading.

Louis ran a finger along it. "It's pretty," he said with a smile. "So, you want to get a tattoo?"

"This one. I want this one. For me and Zayn."

"Awww, that's so cute," Louis cooed. "Let's hurry up. I don't want you to be late because of me."

Niall gave him one last smooch, then went down to some serious cleaning business.

~*~

Liam pulled up to Zayn's house and just texted him.

Zayn came out of the house in 5 minutes, clad in a ripped denim vest thrown over a hoodie and a snapback. He climbed into Liam's car and gave him a smile. "You're always on time," he said, "I like that."

Liam smiled. "You look fantastic," he said unselfconsciously, as if they were on a date.

Zayn raised a brow and looked down at his street clothes. "Thanks," he said and looked at Liam. "You look good, but I like you better when you are all preppy and rich-looking. It suits you more."

Liam looked at him, surprised. He had been veering away from that drastically. "R-- Why? Really? Nevermind. Thank you. I guess. No, thank you."

"It's just more you, it's all I'm saying," Zayn said with a shrug and rolled down the window, reaching for his packet of cigarettes but then stopped himself; smoking in Liam's expensive car wouldn't be good behavior. "I know you'd be attacked if you came to school in thousand dollar clothes, but I'd protect you, if it meant you could dress the way you like."

Liam shook his head. "I can't -- I can't be like that anymore. I want to make the world better for people and I can't if I'm separated from them. If I don't know who they are. If they think I'm looking down on them."

Zayn smiled at Liam. "And here I just thought you were trying too hard to fit in, you don't cease to surprise me Liam Payne," he said and reached out, clapping Liam on the cheek. "You need to be protected at all costs." 

Liam just looked bashful. "Enough about me," he said, sincerely shy. "You were going to tell me about how things were with you and Niall."

Zayn smile faltered and he sat back in his chair, looking away. He knew that he could trust Liam, but he'd never been good at opening up to people. He needed someone to talk to about this, though and he knew that Liam probably would be the one to understand him the best. "Drive," he said and gave him the address of the record shop, "and I'll tell you on the way."

Liam nodded and turned the car on. He didn't press Zayn for anything as he started down the road, but just made space for him with his silence.

"I don't even know where to start," Zayn said after a moment of silence and sighed softly.

Liam's eyebrows came together, but he didn't want to derail Zayn by speaking.

Zayn took his snapback off and played with it for a moment. "Well...Niall and I, we've been friends since kindergarten," he said, simply starting from the very start. "We've always been really, really close. Things are--were always so easy between us until a couple of weeks back when I found out that he is in love with me and everything just became so...so complicated and hard." Zayn paused for a moment. "Suddenly I didn't know how to act, what to say, what not to do. It really made it hard for me, to go from being blissfully ignorant to realizing that I've been hurting him unintentionally." He took a deep breath and then told Liam about how Niall had asked him if he could love him, how Zayn had said that he probably could because he was Niall and he was already his favorite person; how his father had forbidden him from seeing him and everything that had happened since they first kissed. But of course, he held back the detail about who it was Niall wanted to sleep with.

By the time he was done, they were sitting in the carpark of the record shop. Liam was in a sort of stunned silence. "I understand why you've been so tight-lipped. That's all... You must be awfully confused."

Zayn rubbed his face and let out a small groan. "I just...sometimes I wish things were back to how they used to be, because everything I thought I knew just got turned upside down...and I don't want to hurt him, ever, but ever since this began it feels like our friendship is falling apart piece by piece..."

Liam swallowed and nodded. "But you don't think you're gay -- or bisexual?"

"I like girls, a lot," Zayn said, because that's one thing he was absolutely sure about. "And boys...I don't know...I obviously got off with a boy, so I guess that means that I like boys too?"

Liam sighed heavily. "I'm not gay. Not really. At least I don't think so. The only boy I've ever been attracted to in my whole life was Louis. I mean, I've looked at other boys, but Louis was... very, very special. He was everything I wanted, just... in a different package. I don't know what kind of sexuality that is. Maybe that's what you are, too."

Zayn looked at Liam and wondered how he would feel if he knew that Louis and Niall were sleeping together; he hoped he never found out. "Do you like girls?" he asked curiously.

"Yes," Liam said softly. "My longest relationship was with a girl -- Louis almost beat it, but we were a week shy. I tend to be really into monogamy."

Zayn nodded in understanding and smiled. "So, you wouldn't get intimate with another boy if it wasn't Louis?" he asked out of curiosity, because he wasn't sure if he not only wanted but could get off with a boy that wasn't Niall.

"I haven't met one that's been particularly interesting to me," he shrugged. Zayn was beautiful and he was interested, but it was more of a curiosity to see if another boy could interest him. Whereas with Louis, he couldn't contain himself.

Zayn nodded and ran a hand through his hair, putting the snapback back on. "Alright, I need a cigarette," he said and reached for the door. 

Before he got out, Niall appeared on the sidewalk, looking refreshed and beautiful, wearing Louis' clothes. He was perfectly on time and his cheeks were rosy and vibrant. His hair was still a little wet and his eyelashes were dark with water.

Zayn caught sight of him and froze with his hand on the handle. He stared at Niall and he suddenly wanted to jump his bones right then, right there in public, but then he got a closer look of Niall in what were doubtlessly Louis' clothes and what was doubtlessly a 'just got laid' look on his face. Zayn sunk back in the car and pulled his snapback over his face with a groan. "Get us out of here, now," he said. He didn't want to see Niall, he didn't want Niall to see Liam and he didn't want Liam to see Niall in Louis' clothes. 

"What? Why?" Liam suddenly looked somewhat alarmed.

"Just go," Zayn said, peeking out of the window and praying to God that they got out of here without any drama. "Now, Liam."

Liam did as he was told, pulling out smoothly, but not letting up. "Zayn, I'm freaking out, tell me what's going on." He wasn't looking up when Niall frolicked by.

"I'll tell you, just drive, please," Zayn said, his face was more or less covered by his snapback at this point. 

Liam did, displeased with this espionage. When they were a block away and Zayn hadn't said anything, Liam huffed tersely, "Zayn."

Zayn finally sat up straight and let out a relieved breath, feeling very much like he'd avoided a catastrophe from unfolding. "Niall was there," he said as if it explained everything, which it kind of did.

"Ahhh-hm. Ok. Wasn't that a very high possibility? Why are we so upset?"

Zayn couldn't very much tell Liam that Niall was screwing his ex-boyfriend, so he just shrugged. "I realized it was a bad idea," he mumbled and looked away. "Can we go somewhere else?"

"Zayn," Liam said, his voice measured. "I want to be your friend. Very much. But it's very difficult when you lie to me. It makes me very nervous and I start to worry. Please. As a show of friendship, tell me what's going on. This is all very strange."

"I'm a pusher," he blurted out of nowhere, desperate to change the topic. 

Liam sighed. He wasn't stupid. He knew all about derailing. He sat silently for several moments. "I know, Zayn. I know what was in your greenhouse."

Ok. Zayn should have expected that and he looked at Liam. "And you still want to be my friend?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes. If you would only trust me."

Zayn let out a deep sigh, "There's certain things that you're better off not knowing," he said softly. “Trust me, you don't need to know this."

"This is about me?" Liam asked, now suddenly alarmed. He wouldn't be shaken. "Tell me." Zayn had never seen Liam when he was demanding. Usually he was accommodating, generous, even a little whimsical. But now Liam was demanding and it was an utter transformation -- where a willow reed was sitting before there was now the rock of Gibraltar. He was a force to be reckoned with.

Zayn stared at Liam, taken aback by the transformation and dare he say it, he found it hot. At that thought, he quickly shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "Ok," he said after a moment's of silence and turned to look at Liam. "Niall--the person he wanted to sleep with was Louis," Zayn said in one breath and held his breath, waiting for Liam's reaction.

Liam pulled the car over to the side of the road. Zayn could see the hundreds of thoughts passing through Liam's mind in that instant, despite how nearly immutable his features were. He softly cleared his throat. "Why did we leave the record store?" he asked calmly.

Zayn swallowed hard. "Because..." he hesitated. “Because Niall was wearing Louis' clothes and he looked...well... like he'd just gotten laid... and I didn't want you to see that."

Liam nodded once. Curtly. Then he got out of the car with decisive purpose and started sprinting back to the record shop, which was only two blocks gone.

"Oh fuck, oh shit," Zayn started to panic and jumped out of the door and ran after him. "Liam! Fuck, stop! Wait!" Zayn was terrified that Liam was going to hurt Niall and this wasn't the reaction he'd expected at all.

Liam was long gone. Liam didn't drink or smoke weed and he loved track. There was no way Zayn was catching him. When he made it to the record shop, he wasn't even panting hard. Niall saw him and Liam clocked the displeasure on his face, but it turned quickly to surprise. 

"Liam, what're--" But Liam was on him, hauling him up by Louis' shirt and without so much a how-do-you-do, was dragging him out the back door into the alley. Niall was a ragdoll in his fist.

Zayn thought his heart would collapse when he reached the record store, panting harshly and clutching his stinging side. He quickly got directed to the backdoor of the shop by witnesses and he bolted out of it. When he saw a terrified Niall in Liam's grip, he pushed himself between them. "Dude! Get your shit together!" He snapped as he tried to loosen Liam's iron-grip on Niall's shirt.

Liam just shoved him away. "Did you sleep with Louis?!" he roared at Niall. Niall immediately looked at Zayn. He knew Zayn must have told him. "Wh-What?" 

"You heard me!" Liam shook him. "Did you sleep with Louis Tomlinson?" 

This wasn't how Niall wanted Zayn finding out about this, him blurting it out in a back alley and he sort of froze until Liam shook him hard. "TELL ME!"

Zayn got angry and his over-protective instincts went into overdrive. Liam had no right whatsoever to scream at Niall and shake him like a rag-doll. He forcefully pushed Liam off of Niall and stood in front of the blonde in a protective stance. "Calm the fuck down, Payne," he said, tone low and warning. 

Liam focused on Zayn for a second and tried to gather himself, but it was clearly hard. "Don't you run!" he snapped when he saw Niall look like he was making a move for the door. "I will hunt you down! Did you sleep with him, yes or no!? You smell like him!" Niall backed up against the wall behind Zayn and seriously considered bolting again.

"Yes," Zayn answered for him, "He slept with him! There it is! You aren't together with him anymore, Liam! What the actual fuck did you expect to happen? That he wouldn't sleep with anyone after you!? For fuck's sake, why are you so mad at Niall? He didn't do anything wrong!"

Liam looked at Zayn like he was crazy. "How are you not angry about this?" Liam yelled at Zayn and there were tears of frustration in his eyes. "How are you not angry about this?" he asked again, his voice fraying at the edges.

Zayn's hard eyes softened at the edges, he glanced at Niall before looking back at Liam. "We're not together," he said simply. "He can do whatever he likes." He could see how hurt Liam was and he approached him cautiously. "I'm so sorry," he said gently. "I know you're hurt, but don't take it out on Niall."

Liam looked up at Niall and was surprised to see the boy had utterly wilted. He was looking at the pavement and seemed to have shrunk several sizes. His anger dissipated, but his hurt remained. He looked between the two boys and took a deep breath. Then another one. He was quiet until the beast in him subsided and he was gentle, generous Liam Payne again. 

He walked over to Niall, who didn't seem to notice he was there. "Does he ask about me?" Liam asked simply. 

Niall shook his head. "He doesn't know I know you." 

Liam looked pained at that. "Does he talk about me?" he asked, clearly swallowing a lot of pride. 

Niall nodded 'yes.' 

"What does he say?" 

Niall didn't know how to answer that. He just wanted to get away as fast as possible, so he said, "He misses you and is furious with you at the same time." It was true, and precise. 

Liam nodded and backed away from Niall, apparently at his limit. "I have to leave," he said to Zayn simply. "I don't want to leave you without a ride. I can buy you a cab if you like."

Zayn shook his head. "No, I can take the bus," he said and studied Liam; he looked absolutely crushed. "Will you be alright?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

Liam nodded once, curtly. "I'll see you in school tomorrow." Ignoring Niall, he left. 

Niall didn't move from where he was curled against the wall.

"Was it worth it?" he asked softly before he could stop himself.

Niall's eyes darkened with anger. "I don't give a shit if Liam's mad. I'm so fucking sorry if I hurt your favorite pet's feelings!"

"You're not sorry at all," Zayn said with a shake of his head. "The least you could have done was not being so obvious about it. If you absolutely had to."

"How the fuck am I obvious?" Niall asked. "I've been wearing his clothes all week! I just came from his place to meet you, I don't-- I didn't do anything! You said yourself I didn't do anything wrong! Why are you angry at me?"

"Have you taken a look in the mirror?" Zayn asked dryly. "Your neck is littered with red marks." Zayn sighed and shook his head. "You're right. You didn't anything wrong and I'm not angry at you for sleeping with Louis."

Niall touched his neck, startled at the thought of there being marks there. He listened to what Zayn said and took a deep breath. "Well... You're angry about something."

"I'm not really angry," Zayn said with a shrug and pushed his hands into his pockets and kicked at a pebble. "I just really wish Liam hadn't found out. I didn't think he'd react that strongly."

Niall was triggered by all this. He didn't intend for Zayn to find out, but for Zayn to find out and only care about Liam stung him for reasons he couldn't explain. "Yes," he said, "it was worth it. Absolutely worth it. Since you asked."

Zayn stared at Niall and then smiled thinly. "Good for you," he said and pulled his snapback off to re-arrange his hair before putting it back on. "I think I'm just going to head home. I have a headache."

Niall felt like a twat. It was a cheap jab. "Can I come with you? Please?" he knew he'd get rejected. "I just --" he felt like a damn fool. All he wanted was a reaction from Zayn -- some affection. "I left Louis-- I raced to see you, Zayn. I want... to see you..."

Zayn's gaze softened a tad. "My dad is home," he said with an apologetic shrug. He didn't feel like staring at the marks on Niall's skin and smell that smell that wasn't him at all. 

"Then -- stay!" Niall felt desperate. "Watch Ed with me. I'll get you Tylenol. We don't have to stay. We could go -- I don't care, anywhere. Zayn, please..."

Zayn looked away and chewed on the inside of his cheek. He didn't want to hurt Niall but the truth of the matter was that he really couldn't be around him at the moment. He reached into his pocket and handed Niall a folded paper. "The price list," he said simply. "Maybe you could go back and get it sorted out with him. We need to start production as soon as possible."

Niall grasped his wrist before Zayn could pull his hand away. "Zayn. You said I could," he said gently, pleading. "If you loved me, I wouldn't even look at anyone else in the world, you know that."

Zayn gently pulled his wrist out of Niall's grip. "And you can," he said. "It's not fair for me to expect anything else. Look, Niall, it's okay that you did it, yeah? I just have a lot on my mind that I need to figure out."

Niall felt that like a slap in the face. He stepped back. "Alright. I'll give you space," he said, trying to not sound as hollow and hopeless as he felt.

Zayn felt guilty, but he really needed to figure himself out. "I'll see you in school tomorrow?" he almost went in for a hug but stopped himself.

Niall saw that and it felt like another nail in the coffin. "Yeah," he said, clearly not having made up his mind.

Zayn nodded, swallowing. "Ok," he said and turned on his heels, leaving.

Niall stood there for several minutes, just bleeding onto the pavement. He couldn't go back to Louis' and he couldn't go home. He walked for a while until he found a doorway that looked rarely used and he curled up there, full of dread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	11. Chapter 11

 

Liam was not his normal, cheerful self the next morning. He looked like he hadn't slept well.

 

Zayn approached him cautiously. "Hey," he said softly, startled by his dishevelment, a far cry from his usually neat and proper look.

 

Liam nodded at him. "I have to apologize for my behavior last night. It was unacceptable."

 

Zayn nodded slowly. "Are you...you ok?" he asked.

 

Liam sighed. "No. No, I'm not. I'm not over him. I don't think I'll ever be over him. I’m wracked with guilt. I'm hurt that he's moving on. I have to see him again but I don't know how I could face him. No, I'm not alright." Then he looked at Zayn. "How are you?"

 

Zayn blinked a bit. "Well, I want things to go back to how they used to be with Niall, but we're long past the point of return and there's simply no button to rewind. I know that I'm not comfortable with him sleeping with other people, even though he has every right to. To sum it up, I'm just as confused as ever."

 

"If you want him, take him and don't let up," Liam said, that fortitude exerting itself fiercely. "Zayn, if you love him, just don't -- don't do what I did. I don't wish this on anyone."

 

Zayn's heart caught a little and he shook his head. "No," he said. "I can't give him what he needs, because no matter what happens, I can't lose my family. My dad doesn't like Niall being around me and if he ever found out about this, he'd absolutely slaughter me and then he'd throw me to the curb; he wouldn't hesitate and I can't...I just can't risk losing my family."

 

"Is that what's holding you back?" Liam asked, his voice soft with shock.

 

"Yes," Zayn admitted and looked down.

 

"Oh, Zayn," Liam said, voice soft and sympathetic. He folded his arms around his friend. "I won't tell you what to do. We're different and we have different lives to lead. But if I could go back in time and face all my fears about losing my dream job, losing my family, losing everything I thought I was building -- I would choose Louis, without hesitation." He sighed hard. "If your family loves you, love will find a way. Even if the transition is tough." He pulled away and looked Zayn in the eye. "I promised myself last night that I would tell my parents about Louis. Even though we aren't together anymore, they have to know. They have to know because my love for him is the most real thing that's happened to me yet in life."

 

Zayn let out a shaky breath and pulled back from Liam. He shook his head fiercely. "You're right. We're different. Our families are different. All I know is that it would absolutely tear my family apart if I ever did something like that. My mom would maybe be more understanding and I can already see how that would lead to fights with my father because of me, and I just...no, I can't do that." Zayn shook his head, because it would extend to his grandparents, to his uncles, his aunties; it would be an absolute catastrophe.

 

Liam looked incredibly sad. But he nodded. "If you think it's best," he said quietly. It absolutely broke his heart, but he wouldn't press. "I'll be here for you." If Zayn loved Niall half as much as Liam loved Louis, he knew the pain would be vicious.

 

Now that Zayn had admitted that out loud, he felt incredibly hollow inside and he sighed deeply. "It's for the best," he said softly. "I should never have begun this...I should never have given him hope. I should just let him move on and find someone who can give him what he wants."

 

Liam went a bit stiff. "Just... so long as it isn't Louis." He wasn't joking.

 

"Then you should probably go win him back," Zayn said softly, but seriously. 

 

"I want to. I want to see him again." He looked up at Zayn, a little awkwardness creeping in. "Do you think you could help me?"

 

Zayn smiled. "Of course," he said, "I'll do anything to help you." If it meant that at least one of them could be less miserable, Zayn was all in.

 

Liam took a deep breath. "I'd like to.. to chance into him if I could." It was underhanded and clearly Liam didn't like it. But, with their history, he didn't feel like he had the right to reach out.

 

"What exactly do you have in mind?"

 

"I don't know," Liam said softly. "They throw parties at that school all the time. Maybe your greenhouse grand opening? I don't know. That's where I need your help."

 

"Ok, sure, I'll figure something out with Niall," he said and patted Liam's shoulder. "Do you want to, like...do a grand gesture? Announce your love for him in front of everyone?"

 

Liam actually blushed. "Maybe. I don't know. I feel like I could, now. Like, if he came up and kissed me in front of all his friends, I'd just-- God, I'd hold him so tight."

 

Zayn grinned, feeling happy for Liam. "Alright, we're going to do it at the biggest party--where's there's like tons of people—maybe the huge party in New York?”

 

Liam went a bit gitchy at the suggestion. “Not that… Not there. I don’t want to get back into that crowd. But somewhere big. Something fun, something… you know… that doesn’t have the old connotations. That would be nice.”

 

“’Course, man,” Zayn replied, patting his cheek.

 

Liam smiled. "Thank you. If there's ever anything I can do for you -- let me know."

 

“Well, there’s one thing—“  


“Yeah?”

 

“Put me together for this goddamn New York party.”

 

~*~

 

Louis had given Niall spending money. During the day, his thoughts revolved around the greenhouse, buying things, trying things, souping it up. As soon as Zayn was out of school, however, he would retreat to visit Amy, until the wee hours, when he would either go to work for Styles or curl up with Louis on the sofa eating popcorn. Louis had been a wonderful support and Niall was beginning to feel like he couldn't function without him.

 

Zayn had given the whole thing a lot of thought and consideration and had reached a conclusion; he was going to let Niall go and give him the chance to move on. Maybe sometime in the near future, they could return to what they used to be. With that in mind, he sent off a quick text, asking Niall to meet him in the greenhouse.

 

Niall took one look at the text and knew what it meant. ‘Can't we just do this via text?’ he texted back. 'I appreciate you wanting to do it face to face, but I'd rather not.'

 

Zayn winced a bit, chewing on his lip. 'Please, come. It can't be over text. I need to see you.'

 

'Let’s just do this like this so when we see each other again, it can just be as business associates.'

 

Zayn winced harder at that. 'We can still be friends.' He sent the text before he could stop himself and he knew everything he wanted to say was already in that one, simple text.

 

That was the one that made Niall wince. He went and sat on the floor in Louis' bathroom, feeling like he would be sick. No. No, they couldn't be friends. Not with how Niall felt. Not with the pain in his heart. But he couldn't tell Zayn that. Frankly, he needed the weed income too much to alienate Zayn entirely, which he would have otherwise done. 'I'll be done with the greenhouse on Thursday,' he said, pointedly not replying to Zayn's comment. 'You can look at it then and tell me what you think.'

 

Zayn swallowed and stared at the text, already feeling the distance between him and Niall increasing by ten-fold. But if this is what Niall needed, then Zayn would give him that for however long. ‘I think I need to set it up and I need some help growing it. Or don't you want me to teach you anymore?’

 

'It will all be in the greenhouse Thursday,' Niall texted back. 'I'll check with Louis to see if we can afford to hire someone on.' And that was as close as he was getting to touching that.

 

‘What. No. We can't just hire some random person. I don't trust anyone with my plants. If you don't want to, then just say it, I'll find a way to do it myself.' 

 

A few minutes, then: 'I'll help you.'

 

Zayn pulled his lips into his mouth and stared at the text. 'Nobody is forcing you.'

 

'I know. I'll help you. Just give me some time.'

 

Zayn sighed softly. ‘Ok. I'm sorry. Take whatever time you need. I'll manage.'

 

Niall put his phone down, then. He hugged himself on Louis' floor, feeling like his heart was shutting down. In fact, his whole body seemed to turn off in order to defend itself from what it was feeling.

 

There was a gentle knock on the door. "Niall? You've been in there a while now, are you alright?" Louis called from the other side, worried.

 

Niall tried to sit up a little bit. "Do you need in?" he asked.

 

"No, just worried about you," Louis said, leaning against the door. "Won't you come out? I've got some ice cream, if you'd like."

 

"You can come in," Niall said softly. He looked ten years older. "Zayn... Y'know. I mean -- it happened." He'd been discussing with Louis all week about how he'd been expecting it.

 

Louis came in, eyes soft with sympathy and he sat down next to Niall, gathering his limp form in his arms. He hooked his chin over Niall's head and softly stroked down Niall's arm. "I'm so sorry, baby," he said. "It's his loss. If he can't see how beautiful, funny, caring and sweet you're then fuck him. Just fuck him," Louis said fiercely, feeling like getting in his car and kicking Zayn's ass.

 

Niall was torn with wanting to know why, specifically Zayn had decided against him and just wanting to run away from all the agony. He cried in Louis' arms for what was surely hours, before he said weakly, "Can we have a bath?"

 

Louis kissed the top of Niall's hair. "Of course," he said and got up, running the bath. He returned and helped Niall to his feet and out of his clothes. He stripped down as well, before taking Niall's hand and leading him to the tub.

 

"I'm so grateful for you. I don't know what I'd do without you," Niall smiled weakly. "Want to get married?"

 

Louis smiled softly as they sunk under the warm water and he urged Niall between his legs, kissing his earlobe. "Let's run away together and join Harry on whatever crazy adventure he's on."

 

Niall sighed against Louis' neck. "No. We deserve men who treat us right. Harry won't treat us right."

 

"We don't need men," Louis said and rubbed Niall's back in soothing circles. "We are strong and independent and fuck anyone who can't see that. It's their loss, not ours."

 

Niall sighed again, needing to clear himself repeatedly with his breath. "No," he said softly. "I lost the best friend I've ever had. My oldest, best, childhood friend who was my world. The only person closer to me is my sister and she’s going to die."

 

Louis kissed Niall's firmly between the brows. "I'm so sorry, baby," he said. "I'm here for you."

 

Niall tangled himself in Louis and dug deep. He didn't let go til morning.

 

~*~

 

"New York," Zayn said dreamily as he looked into his image in the mirror, trying and failing to do his bow tie. "I've never been to another state before. I've always dreamed of the big apple." He was currently in Liam's room, Liam having fulfilled his promise to help put him together.

 

Liam came over to him and helped him with his tie. "You are one good looking man, if you don't mind my saying," he smiled warmly. He was rattled, but he dealt with his nerves by putting on an even more composed front. He had told his parents about Louis, just as he had promised. They were shocked. They clearly didn't understand. His mother had cried and his father had fumed. Things were still tense between the three of them, but Liam's determination had tripled.

 

"Thanks, man," Zayn said with a smirk. He hadn't seen any trace of Niall in a week and it had been so much harder than he'd thought, to suddenly going from Niall being a constant in his life to being gone completely. He'd many times stopped himself from crawling back to Niall, reminding himself that it was for the best.

 

Liam turned so both of them were looking in the mirror. God, they looked pathetic, despite Zayn’s tux and Liam’s expensive watch. There was just something missing from them. "Ok," Liam said. "We'll be ok. Do you know what you're going to say to him?"

 

Zayn looked into his own eyes and gave a small, pathetic shrug. "No," he said honestly. "There's not much to say. I'm giving him space and praying that I won't lose him completely."

 

"How does the greenhouse look?" Liam asked. "Happy with it?"

 

Zayn's lip tugged up. "That's one thing I can do right. It looks better than ever."

 

Liam nodded. "And... not even a text from him?"

 

The smile fell immediately and he sighed. "Nothing." He walked away from the mirror as he suddenly couldn't look into his own eyes. "I'm not sure I'm ready to see him, Liam."

 

That was surprising. "What? Why? You're the one who dumped him."

 

Zayn winced. "Don't say that. I didn't 'dump' him that just implies that we were in an actual relationship, which we weren't. I'm just not ready for the inevitable 'I can't be friends with you'."

 

"Well. You have a business together," Liam said, trying to be encouraging.

 

"Yeah, and that's about how far it goes," Zayn said with a sigh. He shook his head and forced all the negativity away. He turned to look at Liam with a smile. "You sure I look alright?"

 

Liam studied his face. "You don't have to go, you know. Nicole won’t kill you if you bail. If you aren't ready to see him--"

 

"I'm not ready, but I want to," Zayn said resolutely. "And...there's mad business to be made at a party like that. I wouldn't miss that chance."

 

There were times when Liam was reminded that Zayn's story wasn't his -- that Zayn didn't care for Niall the way Liam cared for Louis. It made him feel very alone. "Alright. Time to go to your ball, Prince Charming."

 

~*~

 

"You know what I'm looking forward to the most at this party?" Louis asked Niall the same day of the party.

 

"What's that?" Niall asked.

 

"Kicking Harry's ass once I see him." 

 

Niall smiled a little bit. "It'll be good to see he's ok." He was worried about Louis if Harry didn't show. As for Niall, he was concerned with looking really good and trying to look like he wasn't ruined by rejection, which simply wasn't the case.

 

"He has to be," Louis said. He was anxious that Harry wouldn't show up, because that would be all the confirmation Louis needed to know that this time was different and something was terribly wrong. He looked over at Niall who looked breath-takingly handsome in his tux. He walked up to him and kissed his red cheek. "You look beautiful."

 

Niall tried to smile, but it crumbled pathetically. "I don't know if I can do this."

 

"Yes, you can," Louis said firmly and clamped his hands down on Niall's shoulder, looking him in the eye. "You're going to go out there and look drop-dead gorgeous and show Zayn what he's missing out on. Alright?"

 

"He doesn't _care_ , Louis. I mean... he really, really doesn't care." That was primarily why he didn't want to go: seeing Zayn looking sorry for him, but no more interested in holding him than before.

 

Louis let out a soft sigh and gently stroked down Niall's sides. "The sooner you move on, the better. He doesn't deserve you anyway. There's going to be loads of cute guys at this party; find yourself one and just let go."

 

Niall shook his head. He knew Louis was trying to be helpful, but Zayn had been so much more than a cute guy to him. It was his friendship, kinship more than his 'cuteness' that Niall missed. Still, he took a deep breath. "I can do this. It's just business. I need to make a lot of money and I'll be able to do that here." He smiled and this time he managed to hold it.

 

Louis studied him for a moment, eyes sad. He knew what Niall was going through, hell, he was going through the same thing, but he just hoped Niall wouldn't be hung up on Zayn for as long as he was hung up on stupid Liam. The mere thought of that boy made the hopeless pit inside of him open and he quickly shook himself out of his thoughts before they could swallow him. "You can do this!" he said, smiling. "Let's go!"

 

~*~

 

"Ok, so," Nicole was saying as they entered the hall. "Kevin will be here -- that's my boyfriend. So just act casual."

 

Zayn gave her a raised brow. "Why do I have to act any sort of way?"

 

"So shit doesn't get awkward!" She laughed at him like he was silly. "Do you like your tux?" She had bought it for him and trussed him up in it like a prized pet.

 

Zayn looked down at himself and grimaced a bit. "It's really not my thing," he said; he felt like a fake, like he was trying too hard to fit in. He looked around at the crowd of filthy rich kids, eyes searching for a certain blonde. "Do you know if Louis and Niall have arrived?"

 

"Honey, how would I know?" She ran her fingers through his hair, fixing it a bit. He was the most gorgeous thing she'd ever seen. "Did you two have a spat or something? Louis said Niall's been at his house all the time."

 

"Something like that," Zayn said with a shrug. He grabbed her wrist and removed her fingers from his hair. "Don't do that. You’re messing my hair up."

 

Nicole pursed her lips, but her displeasure passed quickly. "He was slowing you down, anyway," she said tartly. "You're the one who grows the stuff. It's not like you need him."

 

Zayn looked at her sharply. "This business wouldn't be anywhere without him," he said with a slow, measured voice. "I might grow it, but he sells ten times better than me. It's teamwork; of course I need him. And he's my best friend."

 

Nicole was getting a little bent out of shape. "Let's talk about something else. We need to be smiling when we walk in."

 

Nicole's words had gotten to him more than it usual would have, and that probably had to do with how fragile things were between Niall and him at the moment. He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. He gave her a pretty smile. "Let's talk about how beautiful you look in that dress," he said, his eyes sliding over her body; the dress she was wearing hugged her all the right places. 

 

That made Nicole just shimmer and she gave a little wiggle that showed off all her curves. "Thank you, Mr. Malik," she said, with the grace of someone who was told she was beautiful thousands of times over. "Shall we?" They entered the hall and were impressed by the throng of people. Nicole stood at the top of the stairs, clearly waiting for as many eyes on her as possible before she let Zayn descend.

 

Niall saw him, of course. He immediately looked away and felt like he might break something.

 

Zayn's eyes flickered over the unknown faces until he finally found a shock of blonde hair. He immediately brightened. He'd missed Niall like crazy the last week. "Niall is over there, come on," he said and walked towards Niall without waiting for Nicole's reply.

\

"No-- Sweetie--" she said, her voice terse, trying to hold him back. "Let's just have a pleasant night, alright?"

 

Niall had tucked into Louis' shoulder and muttered, "He's coming this way, isn't he?" He could just _feel_ it.

 

Zayn looked at Nicole, confused. "I'm here to market my product and I want to go over a few things with Niall," he said. "Business first. Pleasure later." 

 

Louis put a protective arm around Niall and watched Zayn and Nicole. "Yeah, but it seems like Nicole won't let him," he said with a snort. He gave Niall a squeeze. "Come on, you can do it."

 

Niall took Louis' arm. "I can't. Louis, I can't," he sounded a little panicked. "Can we go on the balcony? Please? Just -- away?"

 

"It's a little too late," Louis said as he watched Zayn, dark and handsome, just a few feet away. "He's here," he said just as Zayn came to a stop in front of them. Zayn gave Louis a curt nod before turning on Niall who seemed like he was trying to disappear into thin air. "Hey, Ni," Zayn said and tried to catch eyes with him.

 

Niall flashed eyes with him for an instant. "Hey," he said, stiff. He was squeezing Louis' arm, trying to physically communicate with him that he needed to give Niall an out, here.

 

Zayn felt a little thrown that Niall so obviously didn't want to talk to him, but he pushed on nonetheless. "So, I just wanted to go over a few things with you, about the business, can we find a more quiet place?" Really, what Zayn wanted before the business was to talk properly to Niall, make sure he was alright, make sure _they_ were alright, but he couldn't do that here with this Louis guy hovering.

 

"Oh," Niall seemed to relax a little bit. "Yeah. That's probably a good idea. We haven't had a chance to talk, the three of us." It would be ridiculous to talk business without their investor, after all, so Niall felt safe.

 

"I think it would be polite to introduce myself now," Louis said, who'd been a little distracted by how long Zayn's eyelashes were. He politely stuck out a hand and gave Zayn a bright smile. "Louis. Louis Tomlinson. Good, proper introduction, that." Zayn slowly took it and forced a smile upon his lips, displeased that he couldn't get a chance to talk to Niall alone. "Zayn. Thanks for the investment."

 

"My pleasure! You grow some real magical stuff, Zayn," Louis said with a grin.

 

Niall smiled at Nicole -- it was stiff. "Hey. You look nice."

 

"Thank you," she said, with the ease of the girl who got the boy. "So do you. Nice work, Tomlinson."

 

"Can I just get a minute with you? Alone?" Zayn said and looked directly at Niall, ignoring everyone else.

 

"I think it's only logical if I'm also here to discuss the business--"

 

"It's personal," Zayn cut Louis off sharply.

 

"Um. No," Niall said simply. "Not here." He wasn't ready for that talk. Not in public. Not where he still had to be somewhat presentable for the rest of the night. And, frankly, he never wanted to have it, ever.

 

All Zayn needed to know is that they were still alright and Niall's reluctance to even look properly at him frustrated him. "Alright," he said with a clearly disgruntled tone. "Then let's talk business." He looked at Louis. Louis smiled. "Shall we find a more private spot, gentlemen?" He turned to lead them away but a fuss by the entrance of the hall caught his attention.

 

"Harry! You're back!" he heard a girl squeal followed by more hoots and applause as if Harry was a celebrity. Louis' eyes narrowed when he saw Harry with sun-kissed skin, looking relaxed and of course, drinking up the attention. "That little shit," Louis muttered under his breath, lips quirking up, relieved that the boy was alive and well.

 

Niall rolled his eyes but was grateful for a distraction of this magnitude. "Are you going to go say hi?"

 

"Going to kick his ass for making me grey with worry," Louis said and marched over, leaving Niall in the mercy of Zayn and Nicole.

 

It was clear Nicole wanted to go and be part of Harry's swarm as well, but was reluctant to leave Zayn with Niall. "Want to go see him?" she asked Zayn, hopefully. "Come with me!" She took his hand and started to pull him off.

 

Zayn didn't care about Harry Styles, so he pulled his hand out of Nicole's grip. "You go," he said and gave her a gentle push forward, "I'll find you later."

 

The look that flashed across Nicole's face was pretty fierce, but she trained herself into something more attractive before turning on her heel and marching off to see her friend. Niall just took a deep breath and stared off to his left.

 

Zayn turned to look at Niall. "Don't do this," he said, voice soft, almost pleading. "Please don't push me away."

 

"I told you…" Niall said, still not looking at him. His defenses were up, to the point where he looked sharp to the touch.

 

"For how much longer, Niall?" Zayn asked. "We were friends before all of this happened. Don't forget that."

 

"It's easier for you," Niall half-snapped. "You have no idea-- You have no idea what I've--" he shook his head. "I don't want to get into this. I don't want to talk about it. We talk business or I don't want to talk at all."

 

Zayn bit down on the inside of his cheek. Of course, he understood that this must be hard for Niall, but he felt like Niall was trying to cut him out completely and it was terrifying him, the possibility of losing him. Zayn took a deep breath and was quiet for a while. "Ok," he said then, albeit reluctantly. He looked down and sighed. "Business it is then."

 

Niall swallowed. "Do you need anything else for the greenhouse?"

 

Zayn shook his head. "No. I've planted new plants. There's plenty of product. It's all about setting up a plan for distribution."

 

Niall wasn't looking at Zayn. He was looking over his shoulder, watching Harry and the swarm around him. When that curly head lifted and a pair of green eyes caught him, Niall just waved a little bit. "I've been working on that with Louis. He has some pretty good channels and great ideas on keeping us safe."

 

Zayn glanced over at his shoulder, growing irritated when he saw Harry. "I don't like how much you're including him in this." Of course, Louis was the one who was paying for it all, but that's about how far it should go according to Zayn. After all this was his and Niall's thing; he'd prefer it that way.

 

Niall's eyes snapped to him -- on him directly for the first time since they'd been lovers. "Do you have any idea how much money he's put into this?" Niall asked, a snap in his voice. "Zayn, he _owns_ us. You get that? He's not gifting us this money out of the goodness of his heart, he _bought_ us."

 

Zayn was a bit taken aback at the fire in Niall's voice. "Lovely," he said flatly. "How fucking wonderful." He needed a drink, or maybe ten.

 

Niall swallowed. He was angry, now. All the angry things he'd felt about Zayn were coming up just as he'd feared. "It is. I've already made us $7,000 tonight."

 

Zayn was silent for a while. "And what's his cut?" He asked evenly.

 

"We were going to discuss that with you," Niall said, his jaw tight. He wasn't thinking about business -- he was thinking about bed and the time he'd spent in it with Zayn and how the other boy had just... dropped him.

 

The hostile vibes Niall was emitting was throwing Zayn off. He shifted on his feet and nodded. "We'll need people working under us," he said, just to keep talking. "People we can trust to sell it properly. Obviously."

 

"We're working on it," Niall said stiffly. He kept his eyes on Harry. The way the man moved, everything about him was just untouchable. How he could be so magnificent after what he had been through made Niall so envious.

 

Zayn could feel that this wasn't going anywhere. He let out a soft sigh. "Alright," he said and pushed his hands into his pockets. "Find me whenever Tomlinson is ready to discuss it properly," he said and lingered for a bit, hoping Niall would stop him, but it didn't look like it, so he turned on his heels and walked away.

 

"You wanted me," Niall hissed at him, two seconds before he was out of earshot. "That night, you wanted me, you really wanted me..." It was out of his mouth before he could stop it and it was clear when Zayn turned around that he regretted it to the pit of his soul.

 

Zayn stared at Niall for a moment and swallowed hard. "I did," he said sincerely. "But...I can't. I can't give you what you deserve, Niall. I'm just trying to do what's for the best."

 

"Bullshit," Niall said, his teeth bared. "Don't give me bullshit, that's just _bullshit_." He was swiftly becoming unraveled and he knew he had to get a grip on himself or he would make a scene uglier than Liam and Louis. "You're disgusted by me, you don't want to be queer, and you think your dad is fucking _right_ about me..." His voice frayed and a few people looked over at them. "Nevermind, just forget it. Louis will get in contact with you." He said it all so fast it was nearly incomprehensible and he stormed off to the men's room to splash some water on his face and try to get his shit together.

 

Zayn was beyond shocked by that outburst and the accusation. He suddenly felt angry that Niall could even think that Zayn thought about him like that. He knew that he should give Niall space to cool down, but against his better judgment, he followed him into the restrooms. "My dad would kill me, Niall," Zayn said, voice shaking slightly and he stared at Niall through the mirror. "I would lose my family in the blink of an eye. It would tear my family apart."

 

Niall was gripping the sink so hard, he thought chunks of marble might come off in his hand. He was crying hard, but managed to keep his sobs inside. He knew Zayn was telling the truth -- but he suspected it was only part of it. "Just leave me alone," he said miserably, an open wound.

 

Seeing Niall like that was hurting Zayn in real, specific ways. He approached him cautiously. "I care about you so, so much," he whispered, "and it's killing me that I'm the reason you're hurting like this when all I've ever wanted to do was protect you. Niall, you mean so fucking much to me and that's why I can't do this with you. You don't deserve a relationship that consists of sneaking around and hiding. And that's all _I_ can offer you. I need you to understand that this is for the best."

 

"Get out!" Niall sobbed. "Please, God, just leave me alone!"

 

Zayn winced back. He looked at Niall with wide, sad eyes, feeling the guilt weighing him down. "I'm sorry." He whispered before he turned around and left.

 

~*~

 

Niall had a joint in his pocket and, alone on the balcony, he lit it, staring out over the city.

 

"New York City," Harry said, leisurely strolling up next to Niall and looking over the lights and the view they had of central park. "The city of dreams and no limits," his lips tugged up in a half-smile. "Always been in my top three."

 

Niall looked over his shoulder. "Where's your fan club?" he offered Harry his cigarette.

 

Harry took a deep drag and held it in for as long as he could before he let it out, watching the smoke become one with the dark sky. "Managed to get away," he replied and passed the cigarette back to Niall.

 

Niall nodded into the silence. When he broke it, he said, "So... How _are_ you?"

 

"In that gray space called 'ok'," Harry said with a shrug and closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the light breeze ruffling up in his curls. He opened his eyes and turned them on Niall. "You look miserable."

 

Niall looked away. He had been staring, since Harry was so captivating in that moment of undefended sincerity. But this hurt. "Zayn and I... we're... we aren't really friends anymore."

 

Harry nodded once and stole the cigarette from between Niall's fingers, folding his red lips around it, feeling the smoke curling in his lungs. "I figured as much," Harry said. "He didn't look much happier. Don't you reckon I've been right from the start?" 

 

"What? What do you mean?" Niall stole the joint back.

 

Harry pushed his curls back from his eyes and leaned against the balcony, turning to look at Niall with a piercing gaze, "Love is overrated."

 

Niall's eyes flickered over his face. Harry was just one of 'those boys', the ones too beautiful to be faithful to anyone or to dare to love. "I still want it," Niall said softly. "I really, really want it," he looked away again.

 

Harry tilted his face back and looked up at the clouded sky. "Sometimes, you just have to realize that life isn't a fairy tale or a romantic comedy--that kind of love you see on the screen isn't real, it doesn't exist." Harry looked over the edge of the balcony to the cars and people milling around a few stories down.

 

Niall's eyes became hard. "My sister is dying in the hospital. Any day I could get a call that she's died. Any fucking day. And you wouldn't believe -- I mean, you really, really wouldn't believe the shit I do to pay her medical bills. My mom is a basket case, borderline homicidal and I have to sleep on the streets or with friends when she's at home. And I don't get to run away to exotic places when I get my nose put out. Don't you fucking tell me that life isn't a fairy tale, Harry fucking Styles."

 

Harry's lip tugged up in a ghost of a smile. He turned and looked at Niall for one long moment. "How is your sister?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

 

"Dying!" Niall snapped. "Fucking rich kids," he grumbled after.

 

"I'm sorry," Harry said, eyes softening a bit. "I sound pretentious to you, don't I? Rich kid who has everything he could ask for, the right school, the money, the friends, the family." At the last word his face didn't change expect the smile that didn't reach his eyes.

 

Niall sighed, closing his eyes. "I know your life isn't perfect. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so hard on you. But you get to run away to fucking Cancun or wherever when you're upset. I get a street bench in Candie park and a hospital bill I can't pay and the love of my life that doesn't love me back and I have to stay here and sit in it until I stink of it all. And then you come back here with your perfect, sun-tanned skin and try to tell me that the one thing I'm holding onto is a lie and 'overrated'. I resent that, Styles. I really fucking resent that.”

 

Harry was silent for a long moment, just staring at Niall with a blank, unchanging expression. "I guess by the end of the day we'll have different views on everything, because we come from different lives. But if your 'undying love' for your best friend is what keeps you going, then hold on to it, Niall Horan. We all our vices."

 

Niall looked away. "No, it's -- Not Zayn. I mean, obviously, it's not Zayn." Even saying it made his chest collapse. "Just love in general. The idea of it. I need it." He took a deep, sharp breath and let it out. "Louis will be looking for you. He was going crazy with worry."

 

"I figured that out from the thousands of voicemails he left me." Harry looked down at his fingers for a moment, flexing them, before he looked up at Niall. "Do you want to get away from it all just for a small while?"

 

Niall looked over his shoulder. He could see flashes of Zayn's silky black hair in the crowd and, yes. Yes, very much so did he want to get away. "Where you wanna go? There's gotta be an IHOP open around here, somewhere."

 

Harry smiled, an actual smile with a dimple denting his cheek. "I was thinking more in the direction of a stolen bottle of expensive liquor and the rooftop. The view is spectacular from up there."

 

"Oh. Yeah. You get the champagne, I'll get the rooftop."

 

~*~

 

It was quieter on the roof. The access door had been locked, but Niall had the ingenuity to squirrel up the fire escape. Such maneuvering guaranteed they were alone. As Harry was laughing to himself about their roguishness, Niall simply plucked the champagne from his hand and tucked himself against the very ledge.

 

"Alright?" Harry asked, joining him warily.

 

"Of course I'm not ok," Niall said, feeling the desire to cry and tear himself apart. But he wouldn't do that, not in front of Harry. He fumbled and futzed with the champagne bottle for a few minutes before handing it to Harry, completely lost on how such a chichi contraption worked. "Open that thing, fast."

 

Harry smirked at the little urchin and watched him patronizingly as he unwound the wire from the cork. When it popped, they both jumped and laughed. Foregoing glasses, they passed the bottle back and forth between them.

 

Niall downed it like it was soda, not incredibly expensive liquor. "I don't get the fuzzy," he said, wrinkling his nose.

 

Harry chuckled and took the bottle for himself. "Is this your first time in New York City?" he asked and looked over the sparkling lights of the city.

 

"Yeah. I'm kind of sad to have to go back tomorrow."

 

"Don't go back then," Harry said easily, leaning back on the ledge and kicking his long feet in front of him. "I'm staying for a few more days."

 

Niall looked over at him. "In a fancy hotel with foofy pillows?"

 

Harry laughed. "Or at friend's. Whichever I feel like. It would be a waste to stay for one night and leave. Stay and I'll show you around."

 

Niall's jaw dropped a little bit as he struggled for something to say. There was really no reason why he couldn't. And perhaps his mother will have cleared out by the time he got back. "Ok. But just for a night or so..." Now having said it out loud, he really lit up about the whole idea.

 

Harry looked at him and smiled. "There it is," he said and poked Niall's cheek. "Now you don't look so dead."

 

Niall scoffed and ducked away, taking a sip of champagne, then a toke off the joint. "So what're we gonna do? Tourist stuff?"

 

Harry smirked and they did a small clown act in trying to pass both the joint and the champagne at the same time. "Dangerous stuff. Dirty stuff. Fun stuff," he said, grinning around the joint. 

 

"That could still be tourist stuff, if you're there," Niall smirked, flattening himself out along the ledge.

 

Harry smirked and arched over him. "Alright, we'll be civil by day--going to see all the places that're worth seeing---and at night..." Harry rolled onto his side and looked down at Niall with a glint in his eyes, "....we go wild."

 

"Wilder than this?" Niall asked, throwing back more champagne.

 

"Wilder than this," Harry said with a slight grin. "I'll be your guide to the wild side," he said, voice dropping a bit and he grabbed Niall's shirt, pulling him close so he could lick off the drops of champagne lingering on his lips. Before Niall could react, he pulled back.

 

"What... What the fuck was that?" Niall's eyebrows went up.

 

Harry straightened up and stretched his arms high above his head. "Relax," he said with closed eyes. "We're in New York."

 

Niall looked over at him. Shit, he was beautiful. "Harry, why are you up here with me? People are going to be wondering where you are."

 

"They suffocate me," Harry said, opening his eyes and sighing. "They all think they know me, but they don't know anything."

 

"No one knows you," Niall said. "Louis was telling me he still feels like he doesn't know you. Who knows you?"

 

"Nobody," Harry said and took a deep breath. "Not even myself."

 

Now it was Niall's turn to prop himself up for a better look at Harry's face. "Do you want someone to know you?" His impression of Harry was that he wanted everyone at arm's length.

 

Harry slowly shifted his gaze from the sky to look at Niall's face hovering over him. "Sometimes," he admitted, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the being on a roof, maybe it was New York, hell, maybe it was Niall that was making him want to reveal more of himself.

 

"Who? Who do you want to know you?"

 

"Anyone," Harry said softly, he gazed into Niall's eyes. "Maybe you."

 

"Why me?" Niall asked reflexively. He noticed that from that day they bumped into each other at the servant's exit, Harry had an interest in him. It was something he couldn't figure out.

 

"I don't know," Harry said, intense gaze not wavering from Niall's. "Maybe because I feel like you'd understand me, despite our differences... maybe because of our differences...or maybe because we're similar in some ways."

 

Niall's eyes dropped then. They were similar in a lot of ways. Niall could see Harry's damage so clearly and he felt for him genuinely. "I just... Uh-- I just got my heart crushed. I would be interested in getting to know you, Harry, I just... I'm a bit of a wreck myself. I can't offer much."

 

Harry studied Niall for a moment. "I'm not asking anything of you."

 

Niall studied Harry's face. He really could look at him for days -- but unlike most people who looked at Harry, Niall wasn't tumbling head over heels into infatuation. Harry's beauty was a fact -- a fact Niall enjoyed very much, but it didn't overwhelm his self-possession. Niall didn't reply, but stayed in his examination of the other boy for quite some time.

 

"What is it?" Harry said, a smile breaking out on his lips. "Are you trying to look right into my soul, Niall Horan?"

 

"You have one?" Niall smiled back, intending the joke to be a cheesy, gentle one.

 

"Ouch, that hurt my heart," Harry said and feigned a hurt expression, clutching his chest. "Oh wait, I forgot. No, I don't have one," he said, grinning.

 

That made Niall's smile even bigger and more genuine and he chuckled a little bit. "So, this place where we're gonna stay. Does it have a bathtub?"

 

Harry cocked a brow. "I haven't settled for a place yet, but sure, it probably does."

 

Niall looked up at the sky. "I always like a good bath. Calms me, you know? If I have a bath to look forward to, I usually feel like I can make it through anything -- like walking downstairs again, for example. At one point, we're going to have to walk downstairs again and it'll just be easier knowing there's a bath on the other end of it."

 

Harry studied Niall and he thought he was one of the prettiest things he'd ever seen. "We can sneak out without anyone noticing," he said with a mischievous grin. "I know a way."

 

Niall smirked a little bit. "I should tell Louis -- _you_ should tell Louis. You should've seen him when you left. That beautiful tan skin was perfectly white."

 

"We'll send him a text," Harry said with a smirk. He looked at Niall. "And by the way, I know that you slept together."

 

"Wh--" Genuine shock traced Niall's features. "What? How?"

 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Don't look so shocked, I know everything," he smirked. "So, how was it? I assume you topped since Louis loves a dick up his ass too much to top."

 

Niall's eyes lulled shut in recollection. "It was heavenly. I mean... I was so happy. I haven't been that happy in..." When he opened his eyes, they were still dreamy. "I asked him to marry me, you know. He blew me off."

 

Harry snorted. "Oh wow," he said and shook his head with a slight smirk. "I shouldn't be surprised that he impressed you that much. I've had him before, y'know. I had him before anyone else did."

 

Niall frowned. "And broke his heart a little bit. That's nothing to crow about, Haz." The little nickname just came out and Niall felt stupid about it, but he wasn't going to show it.

 

Harry raised a brow at the nickname, but didn't comment on it. "I didn't break his heart," he said. "He wasn't in love with me."

 

Niall just gave him a look that said 'you wouldn't know love if it slapped you in the face'. "I'm going to tell him to come say goodbye to us -- alone," he said, pulling out his phone and tapping away.

 

Harry was about to protest, because he had a feeling Louis might tag along and as much as he appreciated the boy, he kind of wanted to be alone with Niall. However, he just rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault that everyone is in love with me," he said with a smirk.

 

"It is your fault you don't love anyone back," Niall muttered, not even thinking about it as he composed his text. He was really thinking about Zayn and the blowout he had with him. His heart was lead in his chest.

 

"I love Louis," Harry said with a rare sincerity. "I'm just not in love with him."

 

"A lot of that seems to be going around," Niall said, looking over the edge of the building. "I wish I'd met Louis first -- before Zayn."

 

Harry rolled his eyes. "I hope you realize that Louis is still hung up on Liam and he looks like he's going to be that for the rest of eternity. Speaking of the devil, how is he doing?"

 

"He tried to knock my block off for sleeping with Louis. Jesus, he looks like he's a puppy, but when he gets really mad -- holy shit. I thought he was going to kill me."

 

Harry let out a surprised laugh. "Amazing," he said when he composed himself, still chuckling slightly. "That boy never ceased to surprise me. I thought he was a pushover, but I quickly found out he wasn't. He was a bit possessive as well, especially when I was around, because he knew about us. But hey, I can't blame him. Anyone would be insecure with me around."

 

"You have to stop saying that shit, Harry," Niall had to say bluntly. The casual bragging was grating on him. All he heard was Harry's insecurity and it was painful.

 

Harry gave him a short glance. "Is he on his way?" he asked impatiently. "I want to leave now."

 

"Wait. Louis'll be sad if you leave without saying goodbye. He'll be here, just give him a second."

 

"5 minutes," Harry said and got to his feet, stretching his limbs. There was something about standing on the roof of a building with the New York lights glimmering everywhere that just made a person feel untouchable. Right here, Harry felt like nothing could reach him. He smiled and began humming to the tune of ‘Forever Young'.

 

That made Niall smile and relax a little bit. He hummed along with the verses he knew, but let himself be soothed by Harry's voice for the verses he didn't know.

 

"I love that song," Harry said with a wide smile. "Makes me want to walk down the street, singing at the top of my lungs. Fuck, New York does something to me. I'm going to move here the second I turn eighteen."

 

"I like it, too," Niall said sincerely. "My sister went once when she was a kid. She's bonkers for it."

 

Harry nodded silently. He was about to ask more into Niall's sister's condition, beyond curious to know how Niall actually paid for her medical bills, but before he could open his mouth, the door to the roof swung open and Louis' familiar voice sounded: "Harold Edward Styles! You're not taking Niall anywhere!" Harry let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes. He looked at Louis approaching them with a raised brow,

 

Niall smiled. Louis was just beautiful, even when he was fussy. "Damn, you sexy!"

 

"Niall!" Louis said and wrapped his arms around the blonde. "He seduced you up here didn't he?" He looked at Harry with a disapproving frown. "Harry, are you trying to take advantage of him, knowing that he's easy prey, all heartbroken and searching for comfort?"

 

Harry could feel a headache coming and he rolled his eyes hard. "I just realized that I missed you the least." That earned him a mortified gasp from Louis. 

 

"Stop fighting. It's just the weekend, Lou, relax." He kissed Louis' neck fondly and said, "Would you do me a favor and be my go-between for Zayn? We need to hash out some business stuff. Can you schedule a time with him next week?" He batted his eyelashes prettily.

 

Louis gave him an adoring kiss on the cheek. "Anything for you," he said, grinning.

 

Harry made a gagging noise. "Ok. This is actually nauseating. Can we go?"

 

"Patience, Harold. I need a word with Niall." Louis took Niall's hand and pulled him out of hearing shot. He turned to look at him with a frown. "That's _not_ a good idea," he said. "You're in no shape to be spending forty-eight hours with Harry. He's a seductive little shit, you won't know what hit you."

 

"So what?" Niall said frankly. "So what if we sleep together? Would it be so terrible if I let loose for a weekend?"

 

Louis studied Niall closely. "Are you _sure_ about this?" Louis asked, concerned. "It's just...Harry has this thing where he makes you think that there's more to it than just fucking." 

 

Niall gave that serious consideration. "I think my heart's way too busted up to try again," he said, honestly. "I don't think I'm capable of falling in love right now. But it would still be nice to feel adored."

 

Louis gently stroked Niall's cheek. "Only if you're absolutely sure," Louis said, obviously reluctant about the whole thing. 

 

Niall nuzzled into his hand. "Yeah. If it gets too much, you'll come save me, yeah?"

 

"I'm just a phone call away," he said and gave Niall a tight hug. "You better take care of him, Haz," he said and looked at Harry who looked downright bored and impatient.

 

"Sure, I'll take extra good care of him," Harry said with a dirty smirk.

 

Louis rolled his eyes and released Niall, walking over to Harry and nudged his shoulder lightly. "It's good to have you back," he said softly, sincerely.

 

Harry's lips tilted up in a small smile. "I know," he said with a teasing wink. 

 

Niall rolled his eyes with a disgusted 'UGH!' before leaning in and giving Louis a soft kiss. "Keep in touch, yeah?" He mimed texting because he really wanted to hear from Louis every moment of the day.

 

"Okay. That's enough. I'm leaving now," Harry said with a grimace and walked away.

 

Louis pecked Niall on the mouth. "Go. Have fun!" He smacked Niall lightly on the bum with a grin. "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do."

 

"There’s nothing you wouldn't do, Tomlinson!" Harry threw over his shoulder.

 

Louis snickered slightly and followed Harry down his secret escape route. After they got to the ground and passed by the windows, Niall tried peeking in the rooms to try to see Zayn, even though he knew it would just hurt more.

 

Zayn and Nicole were standing close by a corner. Zayn's hand on her hips, his lips tugged up in a slight smirk and he said something that made Nicole throw her head back in a laugh.

 

That made Niall's feet stop in their tracks. They looked fucking perfect together. Both dark, statuesque, beautiful. They could rule the world, Niall thought, feeling his heart sinking to his feet.

 

Harry realized that Niall wasn't following him and he stopped up, turning to look at him with a raised brow. "We don't have all day," he said impatient, but Niall kept staring through the windows and Harry frowned, following his line of sight. He saw Nicole and Zayn flirting, Nicole slipping her hand in Zayn's hand and leading him away. 

 

"Fuck. Ow," Niall wheezed, feeling himself start to crumble again. And what the hell was he doing, running away with _Harry_ of all people when he felt this way. He actually had to clutch his chest and try to breathe.

 

Harry saw the unadulterated pain carved in Niall's features and he actually felt his heart stir with sympathy. He walked forward and gently took Niall's hand in his. "Come on. I'll make you forget the pain. If only for a little while."

 

Niall's instinct was to run back to the safety of Louis' arms, but he didn't want to wear out his welcome with the other boy. So he just nodded, hiding his face with his hand and trusting Harry to not let him run into anything.

 

Harry interlaced their fingers and gave a squeeze. He guided Niall away from the building, down the cobble-path street and they only had to walk a few minutes before they were in chaos that was the streets of New York City; there was noise everywhere, lights flashing brightly. "Let's take a trip to Time Square," Harry said with a smile before he shouted for a taxi.

 

"Aw, Harry, I'm a wreck," Niall said. "I'm not sure I should be seen in public..." It was true, he was having a hard time stemming his tears.

 

"You're a wreck," Harry agreed and caught a warm tear with his thumb. "But you're a beautiful wreck." A cab finally pulled over and Harry pulled Niall with him, falling against the seats that smelled of stale cigarette and something more unpleasant.

 

Niall needed a cuddle and a bath but he wasn't going to ask for it from Harry. He curled in on himself in the cab, leaning over his knees and trying to at least make his diaphragm stop convulsing.

 

Harry watched Niall for a small moment. He looked so small, so breakable and for some reason, that's when Harry found him the most breath-taking, as wrong as it might sound. "C'mere, love," he said and pulled Niall into his arms, tucking Niall's head under chin, softly stroking him down his back.

 

That didn't help Niall stop crying -- in fact, he cried harder from the comfort. But he wasn't entirely comfortable with Harry, so he didn't give over to him entirely and still fought to collect himself. "S-sorry," he hicced.

 

"It's probably just a one night thing," Harry said, stroking his long fingers through Niall's hair. "If it's of any comfort, then I can tell you that Nicole can't keep a boy if her life depended on it."

 

Niall shook his head. "It's not th-that. I feel used," he sniffed. "Like he thought it would be a fun experience to try it with a boy and in the end, he just didn't like it." He sniffed and rubbed at his face, trying to get rid of his tears, but they just kept falling. "He says it's because it would ruin his family -- bullshit. If he actually loved me, but it was his family holding him back, this wouldn't be so goddamn easy for him. He doesn't care -- that's the worst part. He just doesn't care. All he wants is for me to go back being his little pal and to pretend none of this ever happened. Because he just doesn't fucking care."

 

Harry pulled a bit back and hooked his finger under Niall's chin, forcing him to lift his face and look at him. "Don't show him how much he's getting to you," Harry said. "That's the worst thing you can do. You have to get yourself together, square your shoulders and hold your head high. Even though you're a disaster on the inside, don't show it on the outside."

 

"How very.... _Styles_ of you," Niall chuckled a little bit. "What, you think on Monday, I should swagger back into town with a sexy new boyfriend on my elbow, all sun-kissed and manicured?"

 

Harry smirked. "Whatever works for you," he said with a slight chuckle. "That's definitely something I would do."

 

"Zayn always did like people who were taken," he snorted.

 

"If you want a fake boyfriend, then say the word and I'll be of service," Harry said with a mischievous grin.

 

Niall gave him a sidelong glance. "Harry, no one would ever believe you're being monogamous with anyone."

 

"Oh, love, I can put on an Oscar-worthy performance if I want to," Harry said, smirking. 

 

"That's what everyone says. They'd all just think you've duped me."

 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Look, we're going to spend this weekend together and I'll come back, completely lost in you, a changed man! Trust me, I can make it work; but of course, you'll also have to put in the effort," Harry said. "It could actually be a lot of fun."

 

It _sounded_ fun. "Ok," Niall said, a small smile on his otherwise miserable features. "But you have to promise me one thing, ok? Promise me you won't lie to me. I'm fucking fragile and I don't need to be misled."

 

"Lie to you _how_?" Harry asked with a raised brow.

 

"By making me think it's real, along with everyone else. Louis says you tend to do that."

 

Harry groaned. "Fucking hell, why do people keep saying that? I'm just being a gentleman and suddenly I'm leading them on."

 

Niall smirked at him. "You know what you do to people, Harry. Don't play naive."

 

Harry feigned a petulant expression. "Nope. I have no idea." He shrugged, though, and a second later he was smirking, indicating that he knew exactly what it was he was doing. "Alright, do you want to go downtown or do you want to turn in for the night? We could plan out how we're going to go about our fake relationship over some delicious room-service."

 

"Ok. Let’s do that," Niall said softly. Then, a few seconds later, "Harry, are you going to be mad if I don't let you fuck me this weekend?"

 

"It's amazing how you don't cease to appall me with how little you think of me, Niall Horan. I'm hurt," Harry said with a dramatic sigh.

 

Niall rolled his eyes. "It's a bloody viable question and you know it. Besides, if we're going to be in cahoots, we have to be honest with each other."

 

"No. I'm not even expecting anything from you," Harry said. He took Niall's hand and looked into his eyes, "But I'm going to be honest with you, love. If you'd let me, I'd show you a whole new world."

 

Niall sighed. This was Harry doing his thing and he did it _so well_. Niall was tempted to just let himself fall for it. He stroked his fingertips down Harry's beautiful face. "Be honest. Please, Harry, be honest with me. You want something from me. What is it?"

 

Harry took Niall's hand and kissed his fingertips, one by one. "I don't know," he said, intertwining his hand with Niall's and kissing the back of his hand. "You had my curiosity, then you had my attention and you might just have my interest. Nothing I can explain, so I just let it happen."

 

Niall was going all melty inside, despite telling himself not to. "Let me know when you figure out what it is. Ok?" he asked softly.

 

"I will," Harry promised with a smile and turned to give the cab driver the address of the hotel he usually stayed at in New York. 

 

When they got to the room, Niall realized how much he'd acclimated to opulence in the short time he'd known the Madison kids. Although his first thought was to see what kind of bed Harry had gotten -- one or two, specifically.

 

It was one bed. One large bed overflowing with too many pillows that looked too soft and silky covers. Harry strode and began loosening his bowtie, popping open a few buttons of his shirt. "I don't know about you, love," he said, "but I'm starving. Would you like some room service?" He sat on the bed and reached for the phone.

 

"Yes, please," Niall said softly. The idea of sharing a bed with Harry... well, it turned him on and depressed him at the same time. "Mind if I take a bath?"

 

"Go ahead," Harry said and nodded towards the bathroom. "I would ask if I could join you, but I think that'd be too much, too soon for you."

 

Niall smiled at him. "You can come scrub my back if you want."

 

Harry cocked a brow, surprised. He slowly put the phone down, deciding he could place his order later. "I usually get my back scrubbed, but for you, I'll make an exception," Harry said with a smirk as he got to his feet.

 

"Order first," Niall smirked at him. "I gotta run the bath; could take a while." He went into the bathroom and carefully removed his tux, determined to keep it nice for Louis when he gave it back. There was some schmutz from where he'd lain on the roof, but it was otherwise in great shape. There were an assortment of bubbles for Niall to choose from, which made him moan in delight. He went with the honey scent and as soon as he could, slipped into the water.

 

Harry quickly placed his order and followed Niall into the bathroom where the scent of warm honey met him. "Good choice," he hummed and looked at Niall who looked content buried in the bubbles. Harry took his time getting out of his tux not shy in the least to strip in front of Niall. 

 

Niall watched. He couldn't help it. He was incredibly curious about Harry, but in the way one might be curious about a viper.

 

Harry was well-aware of Niall's eyes on him and he teasingly took his time to undo his belt and tug down his pants and briefs. He stepped out of the pool of clothes and stood in front of Niall, completely bare. "Like what you see?" He asked with a smirk.

 

Niall pointed. "What's that?" There was a scribble on his left hip that said ‘Forever Young’.

 

“A youthful impulse,” Harry explained and Niall laughed. Once he had reconciled the tattoo, Niall looked over the rest of him. Of course, he was most curious about his dick. It was long, thick, just like his daddy's. Niall winced and looked away, not wanting to think about that, now. "Do a little turn," he teased.

 

Harry gave a slight chuckle and did a slow spin for Niall. "Approve?" he asked, smirking.

 

"You're pretty and you know it," Niall rolled his eyes. "Come give us a scrub."

 

Harry did as he was told and sunk in the warm water. "C'mere, between my legs, so I can scrub your back," Harry urged and reached for the washcloth.

 

Niall wasn't expecting that. He thought maybe Harry would dangle his feet in. "Harry, you're in my bath." Although he was surprised, something about it was rather funny.

 

Harry laughed. "Why did you think I was taking off my clothes?"

 

"Because you're an exhibitionist," Niall smirked. "Alright..." he sighed, drifting toward Harry and slipping between those long, beautiful legs. "But no funny business."

 

Harry just hummed in reply. He began slowly rubbing the washcloth into Niall's skin in circles. "You have a constellation of freckles across your shoulder blade," he said. "It's cute."

 

"Thanks," Niall said, finding himself really relaxing. Harry's chest was broad and firm and he put his hands on Harry's knees like he was in an armchair. "Harry...?" he asked drowsily. "You ever let anyone top you?"

 

Harry reached for the shampoo and began massaging it into Niall's scalp. "No," he replied, "I prefer to be in control."

 

"You're so beautiful," he said, shamelessly. "You'd be stunning all spread out and vulnerable." He was actually getting a bit turned on at the thought.

 

Harry was surprised by that. "Yeah?" He asked voice low and husky and began rubbing the washcloth down Niall's chest. "Is that what you'd like Niall? To have me under you? Have me spread my legs for you and let you have me in a way I've never let anyone before you?"

 

Holy shit. That sent a spike through Niall that actually made him gasp a little bit. "Maybe," he squeaked, trying to play it cool.

 

Harry chuckled low in his throat, rubbing over Niall's nipples with the washcloth, travelling further down. "Yeah? I've never thought of that," Harry said, his mouth close to Niall's ear, his hot breath fanning over his skin. "You'll have to convince me that it'll be worth it. How would you take me, Niall? Tell me."

 

"Different ways, I guess," Niall panted. "I'd take you on your back at first. I'd want to watch your face as you took your first cock. And I wouldn't hurt you, not while you were opening up, but then, God, I'd just... I'd want to touch you as deep as possible with my dick, give you all of it until you just-- unknit..." He was panting softly. "Fuck, I want to see your face when you aren't in control, when you aren't lying..." He was panting hard.

 

Despite himself, Harry felt the fire lick at his inside, settling in his cock as it stirred to life. He groaned shamelessly and buried his nose in Niall's neck. "You told me there'd be no funny business," he said breathlessly. "But I'm getting hard at the thought of _that_."

 

Niall was hard, too. He dragged his lips over Harry's jaw and nibbled softly on his chin. "Not tonight. But we will. Fuck. Soon. I'm gonna take you..."

 

"Not tonight," Harry agreed, because as much as it turned him on, he wasn't sure he was ready to be that vulnerable with someone else. He pushed his hand in Niall's soapy hair and tilted his face back. "Can I kiss you?" he asked, voice low and husky, eyes a bit glazed over.

 

Niall nodded, tipping his chin up to grant access to his lips.

 

Harry cupped the back of his neck and leaned down slowly, teasingly brushing their lips together, the touch barely there.

 

Niall's breath was heavy and he parted his lips a bit more, trailing his lips over Harry's softly.

 

Harry put a bit more pressure into the kiss and then a little more before he kissed him properly, taking Niall's lips in his.

 

Niall sighed, reaching his arm back and looping it around Harry's neck. He was half-hard at the thought of Harry's thighs wrapped around him, at the look of surprise and maybe a bit of fear on Harry's face when he felt the head of Niall's cock pop into his body. "Shit, Harry, I gotta --" He swallowed. "We gotta slow down."

 

Harry just kissed Niall deeper, licking into his mouth, pulling his tongue back and biting down Niall's bottom lip hard enough to break the skin. He sucked the tiny beads of blood up before forcing himself to release Niall from the kiss. He looked at him, eyes dark, breath heavy, "Do you really want to stop?"

 

The pain of having his lip bitten broke him out of the spell a little bit. "Yes. Harry, we're not ready for this. It's... It's not real, remember?"

 

"What isn't real, Niall?" Harry asked with a cocked brow. "Your hard dick seems pretty real to me," he said as he reached around and took a firm hold of Niall's cock.

 

Niall let out a soft warble and took hold of Harry's wrist, moving his hand away and turning around to better defend himself, although he remained in the cradle of Harry's thighs. "We can't have sex," he blurted. "We just -- it's too soon, ok? I need... I want comfort. Not sex." He winced.

 

Harry looked at Niall for a short moment. "I'm sorry," he said then and kissed Niall's lip softly in an apology. "No sex." Then he climbed out of the bathtub. "I'm going to take a cold shower," he said and walked into the shower stall, not bothering to close the glass door.

 

Niall floated to the edge of the tub, rested his head on the ledge and watched him. He was easily the second most beautiful boy Niall had ever seen. He was also a mystery which increased his allure. That he was interested in Niall -- well, that was dead sexy, too. And although he was daydreaming about getting to be between his thighs, of getting to be the first to have Harry in that way, he still felt the lead in his heart that was like a living death. No, they'd certainly made the right choice.

 

Harry turned on the shower and stepped under the cold water, shuddering when it hit his warm skin. His erection died down and he let out a soft breath, tilting his face up and letting the water cascade over him. He wasn't used to getting rejected and repeatedly at that. Actually, everyone made it too easy for him to wrap them around his fingers, and then there was Niall. His interest in him certainly had roots in the challenge he was.

 

Niall cleaned himself, and only needed thoughts of Zayn to make his erection wilt. It was a stupid tactic, however, because by the time Harry was getting out of the shower, Niall was withered with melancholy.

 

Harry was a little startled by how broken Niall looked. He grabbed a large, fluffy towel and wrapped Niall in it and dried him, smiling gently down at him. "Come on," he said. "I reckon our food has arrived by now."

 

Niall brightened at the thought of food. "Harry, where in New York City are there trees?"

 

Harry raised a brow at the odd question. "Nowhere. Except Central park. Why?"

 

"I'd like to see some trees tomorrow. Can we?"

 

"You’re in New York and the first thing you want to see is trees?" Harry shook his head as he led him back into the suite. 

 

"Yeah." Niall padded after him, having nothing to put on except a suit, so he decided to stay with the fluffy towel. "Just for a little bit. Is that ok? Then we can do whatever you want."

 

"Whatever you want love," Harry said, rubbing his curls dry. "We're going to have to buy some clothes tomorrow morning. I left mine at a friend's."

 

"Ok," Niall said, sitting on the sofa and pulling the food tray into his lap. "Tell me about your little vacation. What did you do?"

 

Harry shook his head to get the last bit of moisture out, before flipping it to the side. "Well," he said slowly as he went into the bathroom to get his boxer briefs. "I stayed with an older friend at a beach house. Laid in the sun. Swam. Got drunk. Got laid."

 

Niall lifted the silver warmers from the platters and just started eating. "Did you scuba dive?"

 

Harry came back in. "No," he said and settled in next to Niall, stealing some chicken from Niall's plate. "What did you do? Other than fuck around with Louis?"

 

"Um. Spent a lot of time setting up the greenhouse. It's -- it's really beautiful. We're going to have gorgeous operation, it's going to be..." But he trailed off.

 

Harry saw the way Niall's face shifted and he tactfully changed topic. "Tell me about your sister," he said and reached for his own platter, retrieving a sandwich. "What does she like? How old is she?"

 

That topic wasn't much better. "She's 14. She likes to read. I bring her the school reading lists so she can keep up. She goes through about 2 books a week, it's incredible." He smiled softly. "She misses Zayn."

 

Harry slowly chewed on his sandwich, not saying anything for a few moments. "Can I meet her?"

 

That was startling to Niall. Almost alarming. "What? Why do you want to meet her?"

 

"I want to," Harry said easily like it was completely normal. "You could buy her a souvenir from here."

 

Niall blinked at him. "I don't know. It might be weird for me, to, you know... Just bring in some guy." He hadn't even ever mentioned Harry to her. She didn't know he existed.

 

Harry looked at him. "I'm not some guy," he said slowly, a smirk spreading across his lips, "I'm your fake boyfriend."

 

"She would probably really, really like to meet my fake boyfriend." The thought made him glow warmly inside where so much darkness had been. Amy would laugh. She would laugh so hard the nurses would come in.

 

Harry smirked. "It's settled then." He found himself curious as to how Niall was paying for her medical bills if both his parents were out of the picture in one way or another. "Niall?"

 

"Hmmm?"

 

"We're supposed to be honest with each other, yeah?"

 

Niall suddenly became wary. "Yeah..."

 

Harry turned so he was facing Niall properly and looked into his eyes, gauging his reaction closely when he asked, "How do you pay for your sister's medical bills?"

 

Niall's reaction was extreme. Everything that was joyful about him evaporated. He looked down at the food in his lap and his gaze turned it to ash. Several times, he attempted to speak, but they were all aborted. Eventually he winced and pleaded, very honestly, "Please don't make me tell you that. Please don't."

 

Harry was alarmed. He hadn't expected a reaction like that and it actually scared him a little. What was it Niall did? Several scenarios ran through his head, none of them pleasant. He wanted to know badly, but controlled himself. "Ok," he said and gently touched Niall's cheek with his fingertips, "I won't."

 

"Thank you." Niall was actually shaking. Today had been a bit much: first Zayn and now the realization that if Harry knew what he did -- Oh, God, if Harry knew. He would kill him. Niall had no doubt in his mind that Harry would put his hands around his throat and squeeze until Niall's lungs went flat.

 

Harry smiled and stroked down Niall's cheek once before pulling his hand back. Before Harry could think further of this or say anything, he heard his phone ringing insistently from the bathroom. He frowned a bit, "Be right back," he said and went to retrieve his phone. His breath caught a bit when he saw who it was. It was his dad. He swallowed hard. He had ignored his calls for the last week, but despite himself, he took it. Just to hear what he had to say. 

 

"Harry?" Ray asked, surprised when it didn't go straight to voice mail.

 

Harry glanced at the opened bathroom door and went over closing it. He took a deep breath, "What do you want?" He asked evenly.

 

"I-- Are you alright? Are you back?"

 

Harry didn't reply for a small moment as he imagined his father, sitting in his study or maybe his bedroom, pretending that he was actually worried about him. "Yeah," Harry replied curtly. "Did you need anything?"

 

"Dammit, Harry!" His father snapped. "Goddammit, Harry. Come home. Please come home. I know you're in New York."

 

Harry pushed a hand through his hair, jaw clenching slightly. "No," he said then, "I'll come home when I want to. Maybe I'll never feel like it. Who knows."

 

"Harry," Ray was clearly trying to keep his voice steady. "Come home. We can talk this out. Please. You're my son."

 

"What is there to talk about?" Harry asked, voice shaking. "What the fuck is there to talk about?"

 

"How we -- how we move forward. Harry, I'm getting help."

 

Harry's hand clenched around the slim phone. He hadn't expected that. He never thought he'd see his father, tall and proud, going to a shrink. It threw Harry off and his cold mask cracked a bit, "...I don't--" He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth for a moment, trying to regain his composure, "...All I ever wanted was for you and mom to actually love me...like parents are supposed to.." 

 

"I know. I know. I want that, too."

 

Harry's head fall back a little, resting against the cold tile wall. He almost snapped, "No, all you want is to fuck your own son!" but he bit down his tongue, holding it back. He was silent for a long moment really thinking it through. He knew he had to get back to school sooner than later and staying with his mother was nearly no better alternative. He took a deep breath and that's when a thought hit him. "I'll come home," he said, "on one condition."

 

"Yes?" Ray tried to hide his eagerness.

 

It didn't work. Harry could hear the eagerness in his father's voice and he knew he was desperate enough to grant him anything. "Do you remember that cute blonde from a couple of months ago? The one who wasn't 'qualified' to help around the house?"

 

Ray felt the air in his throat turn chalky. "Yes...."

 

"Hire him," Harry said simply. "Call him the first thing in the morning and hire him. I'll come home then."

 

"Wh-- Wha-- Harry. What do you want me to hire him for? And why?"

 

"I don't care. Anything that pays well. Be creative."

 

"And why?"

 

"Because I want him around the house." And because Harry wanted to give Niall a way to pay for his sister's medical bills that wasn't whatever he did that was terrible enough for him to react like he did. "Do we have an agreement, dad?" Harry couldn't help the sarcasm dripping from the 'dad'.

 

Ray was flummoxed and irritated, but all he wanted in the world was to have Harry back. "Fine," he grumbled. "Harry, do you know this boy?"

 

Harry smirked and purposefully didn't answer his question. "Good," He said with obvious satisfaction. "See you, dad." He hung up and stared at the screen. He walked up to the mirror and took several moments to compose himself before he returned to the bedroom.

 

Niall was slowly nibbling on some fries when Harry returned. "Everything ok?"

 

Harry stole a fry and dipped it in some ketchup. "Everything’s ok," he said with a dimply smile. 

"I'm going home," he said nonchalantly.

 

"You -- right now?"

 

Harry shook his head and fell back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Monday," he said and yawned, blinking slowly.

 

Niall put aside the food and tidied everything up nicely. He crawled onto the bed, still in his towel and said softly, "Sleep time?"

 

"Sleep time," he said, nuzzling into the ridiculously soft pillows, letting out a content sigh. He looked up at Niall with half-lidded eyes. "Are you going to sleep wrapped in a towel?"

 

"Yeah. I don't have anything else." He got under the covers and snuggled in. It was the coziest bed he'd been in in his life. "Wanna be my little spoon?" he opened his arms, hoping Harry would take his offer.

 

Harry snorted. "I think you'd be a better fit."

 

Niall gave him puppy eyes and made grabby hands.

 

Harry rolled his eyes. "You're lucky you have a cute face." He said and shuffled into Niall's arms.

 

Niall tucked up hard against him, nuzzling into his neck and squeezing him tight. "You fit great,"

 

Harry relaxed into Niall's arms in a way he'd never allowed himself to with another. "Maybe we are a better fit than I thought," Harry said sleepily.

 

Niall didn't know what that meant, but he tried not to think about it. He kissed Harry's spine before settling in and dropping off before he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	12. Chapter 12

 

It was a late Saturday day afternoon and Zayn was at home, in his room, in the company of Liam. "Relax Liam," Zayn said. “I didn't see him with anyone." Liam kept asking anxiously if he knew if Louis had hooked up with anyone at the party.

 

Liam rubbed his hand across his forehead. "Did he look... happy?"

 

Zayn flipped through his sketchbook. "He looked...alright." The truth was that Louis was one big party animal and he looked pretty happy, high and drunk.

 

Liam didn't want to ask, but he just blurted out, "Did he go with Niall? Were they together?"

 

Zayn's jaw clenched a bit and he flipped through the sketchpad a little more aggressively. "No," Zayn muttered. "Apparently Niall left with Harry Styles." He spat the name out like it was venom in his mouth. He'd searched for Niall towards the end of the night, just to make sure that he was alright -- or as alright as he could be only to find out that he'd left with Styles.

 

"Styles?" That surprised Liam a little bit. "What's he doing with Styles?" He seemed to be just as fond of the boy as Zayn.

 

"Hell if I know," Zayn grumbled with a frown. It was obvious that all Harry wanted from Niall was to bed him, and knowing Niall's connection to his old pervert of a father it was beyond Zayn how Niall could even stand being in the same room as him. "That kid rubs me the wrong way. "

 

"Tell me about it," Liam grumbled. Then he sighed. "Did you get a chance to talk to him -- to Niall?"

 

Zayn looked down and didn't say anything for a moment. "I hurt him," he said softly, eyes flashing with guilt. "I hurt him really bad, Liam." He never thought that he'd ever be the cause of Niall's tears.

 

"Did you get to tell him why...?"

 

Zayn nodded. "He doesn't believe me," he said and put the sketchbook away. "He thinks I'm disgusted by him and that I believe what my father says about him. I don't understand how he can think that. If it was true, I would just cut him out of my life completely, right? And I would never do that---he's...he's like family to me." And he missed him so fucking much.

 

"He just doesn't understand," Liam said. "It's confusing. Probably really confusing for someone whose parents aren't in his life in any positive way. All he sees is that you love each other and wanted each other and then you rejected him; that has to be baffling."

 

Zayn nodded slowly and pulled his knees up so he could rest his cheek on them for a few moments. "I miss him, Liam," Zayn said softly, staring outside the window. "It's my fault. I should never have begun something I knew I wouldn't see through to the end." He sighed and pushed a hand through his hair. He got up from the bed and perched on the windowsill, lighting a cigarette.

 

"It's really hard to be honest with ourselves," Liam sighed. "Especially when someone we love wants something so badly."

 

Zayn didn't reply, just continued smoking. It felt so wrong without Niall. He should be here with him, sharing a cigarette with him, not God knows where with Harry fucking Styles. "Were you friends with Styles?" he asked curiously and turned to look at Liam.

 

"No. He was Louis' friend, so he was always around, but we were never friends. He always had his hooks in Louis too deep to make me comfortable." He sighed heavily. "To this day, I know that all Harry Styles has to do was snap his fingers and Louis would be his, entirely."

 

Zayn's jaw clenched tightly. He couldn't for the life of him see why everyone lost their shit over Harry Styles--even the boy's own freaking father. Sure, the boy was good-looking, Zayn would give him that much, but other than that, he was a dick. The thought of Niall, hurt and vulnerable, being with that kind of person made Zayn's blood boil. "What the fuck is so great about him? I mean seriously, I would really like to know."

 

Liam sighed. "I don't know. I mean, I do, I just don't fall for it. He's... he's charismatic. Louis used to say no one ever made him feel as special as Harry. I just don't know how he did it."

 

"Did he say that to you while you were together?" Zayn asked a bit taken aback. 

 

"Yeah," Liam shrugged. It wasn't their best day.

 

"Well, he obviously has Niall under his spell as well," Zayn grumbled, taking a huge drag of the cigarette.

 

Liam didn't want to say it, but Niall was going to get used, and badly. "He's might need you when he gets back," Liam said softly, hoping maybe something good could come from it.

 

Zayn nodded. He'd be there in a heartbeat if Niall needed him. He just hoped the boy never forgot that. 

 

Liam sighed. "I'm sorry, Zayn. I'm so sorry." He knew what it was to, well, really fuck up like this and he felt it in his own heart. "Did you at least hook up with Nicole?"

 

"Yeah," Zayn said with a slight smirk. He put out the cigarette and closed the window, sitting back on the bed. "We did." That was as much as he was willing to tell about that.

 

Liam did have to wonder about Zayn's sincerity when it came to Niall, but it was none of his business. "Are you two a thing now?"

 

"No," Zayn said. As good a lay as Nicole was, she was a little too clingy for his liking. He pulled out his phone and checked it with the foolish hope that Niall had texted him; he sighed when he found nothing. 

 

"Guess that means I know what Louis' doing right now..." Damage control. Nicole needed a lot of damage control. "Prepare to get some ugly texts."

 

"Aw fuck," Zayn said, swallowing and immediately turning off his phone as if the texts would bombard him that very moment. "She has a boyfriend," he said, even though it was obvious that she'd only had one to catch his interest. And Zayn knew the second she announced she'd dumped him, Zayn's interest would disappear.

 

Liam looked at the ceiling and furrowed his brow. "Why did I ever hang out with those people?" The answer was obvious -- Louis.

 

Zayn swallowed a bit. He shook his head and looked at Liam. "Yeah. You're completely different than them. You're like a puppy. Well, when you aren't mad, that is."

 

Liam chortled at that. "Thanks," he said. "Louis was the only one I fit with. As much as I miss him, I fit in better here."

 

Zayn laughed. "Liam...you do realize that the kids in school still see you as a toff that gets a kick out of slumming it?" he asked, quoting something he'd heard some kids grumble behind Liam's back.

 

Liam smiled. "Fine. I fit in better with you. You're probably the best friend I've ever had.”

 

Zayn grinned. "I like you. You're odd in a very likeable way. I don't usually make friends this fast."

 

Liam met his eyes. "Me either. See? We fit! We're, like, the same person sometimes. At least in that we're both gay for only one boy and don't deal with it well."

 

Zayn went thoughtful for a moment. "Yeah," he scoffed softly. "I guess you're right."

 

"Zayn, if it weren't for your family, would you be with him?"

 

Zayn shifted a little. He felt put on the spot and looked away. He took a deep breath and let it out. "Liam...I'm not..." He searched for the right way to put it, "...I'm don't think I'm _in love_ with him, yet? I mean...I'm absolutely sure that I could easily love him like that but the thought terrifies me, because I know that I'll never be able to be with him the way it's supposed to be. And that's why I put a stop to it before anything more could happen." Zayn took a deep breath, "I'm not even sure that made sense. I'm not very good at putting my thoughts into comprehensible words."

 

"No, you did very well," Liam said, trying not to sound patronizing. "I think you made the right choice."

 

Zayn fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "He's been through so much shit..." Zayn said softly, "...like you wouldn't believe how hard he's had it...I wish I could, Liam...but I can't."

 

Liam sighed. "If you were desperately in love with him, I'd say it would be worth it to try to find a way. But if you just aren't, you just aren't. It would be needless to cause drama in your family."

 

Zayn nodded slowly and rubbed his face. "Yeah...you're right," he muttered. It was all still so confusing.

 

Liam reached out and patted his shoulder. They weren't terribly physical friends, so it was a little awkward at first.

 

Zayn managed a weak smile. "You're staying for dinner, right? My parents wouldn't mind."

 

"Yeah," Liam smiled back at him. "I'd love to."

 

~*~

 

Niall loved the High Line. They had bought (well, Harry had bought) some reasonable clothing and shoes and Harry was now taking him on the train tracks that had been remade into a beautiful garden. Niall had taken his shoes off to walk through the pavement fountain and was splashing around, trying to not annoy the other pedestrians.

 

Harry watched him. Niall took everything in with almost childish awe and excitement. "You're adorable,” he said with a smile.

 

Niall smiled back at him. There was still pain there, but this was him working through it. "Take your shoes off," he smiled. "This feels incredible." The water flowing over his feet soothed him.

 

"I think I'll pass," Harry said and pushed his ray bans up from his eyes. He opened his camera app on his phone and snapped a photo of Niall. "Give me a smile. Strike a pose for me," he said teasingly.

 

Niall threw his arms out in a gesture of abandon and smiled like a toddler. "You gonna send it to Louis?"

 

Harry snapped a few shots. "Why not. Better show him you're still in one piece," Harry said, rolling his eyes a bit.

 

Niall padded over. "What else you have planned today? Going to sweep me off my feet?"

 

Harry smirked a bit. "Do you know what could make this small trip a little more fun?" he asked and put a hand on Niall's hip when he was close enough.

 

"What?" Niall's eyes flickered down a moment, but he wouldn't get too fussy about it.

 

"If we began practicing our fake act now," Harry said and pulled Niall a little closer, dipping down a little to whisper. "Practice makes perfect."

 

"Uh... So, what do you want to do? Hold hands?" He was down for holding hands.

 

Harry gave him an indulgent smile like he was a toddler who'd just said the most adorable thing. "Sure, love. We can start small." He let the hand on Niall's hip fall down to his hand, his fingers slowly intertwining with his. He lifted their joined hands and placed a delicate kiss on the back of Niall's and gazed at Niall through his lashes. "Let's go. We don't want to lose the day. "

 

Niall smiled. Even though Louis had told him that Harry was all smoke and mirrors, it was a show that Niall appreciated in this moment. Pretending this was real, pretending Harry loved him and he loved Harry was acting remarkably well as a buffer for his pain. "So, where are you taking me, _love_?" he asked, being silly.

 

Harry smiled and began walking. "Do you like the theatre?” he asked curiously but then quickly added, "Have you been to one before?"

 

"I went to one of my sister's school plays when she was in elementary school." He had enjoyed the hell out of that.

 

"We're going to one of my favorite plays on Broadway. You'll love it."

 

Niall squeezed Harry's hand, feeling excitement well in him. "Oh, wow... I can't wait," he said sincerely. As they walked, he saw people glancing at them -- their glances were different from the glances in Jersey. Here, they saw two boys holding hands and immediately forgot them, as if they were of no interest. It was fascinating to Niall. No one stared or investigated them over-much. It made him think of Zayn and Liam and their homophobia and he just wished they could see that it could be like _this_. To test the limits, he put his arm around Harry's waist to see if that got any attention; again, nothing.

 

Harry stroked his fingers through Niall's hair once and kissed his forehead. "We are going to a friend's birthday party. It’s her 21st, so it's going to be wild. And a lot of people I know are going to be there. Are you ready for me to introduce you as my boyfriend and put on a convincing act?"

 

Niall looked up at him. "Well, why do we have to convince them? We don't want to fool your friends, do we? What good would that do?"

 

"Practice, remember? If you can't fool them, you aren't going to fool anyone back home. "

 

"Well, I guess..." Niall said uncertainly. "But that could cause... you know, I don't want to make your life messy. We can just practice on strangers."

 

Harry raised a brow. "Oh trust me. This is not going to make my life messier than it already is. And if we really are going to do this then we are going to go full in. Do it right. No half measures.”

 

Niall had no idea why Harry was so keen on this -- well, to get into his pants, probably. "If you say so, Styles..." They came upon a sculpture that was just ludicrous; it was a flesh-colored tube that was folded over and looked either like a crooked finger or broken penis. "You do selfies?" he smirked.

 

"You want a selfie with me?" Harry asked with a smirk.

 

"With you and the broken penis," he smiled. "Practice, right? Besides, I want a way to show Zayn that no one gives a shit if you're gay in public."

 

Harry chuckled softly and pulled his phone. "Alright. Selfie it is." He walked up to the statue and pulled Niall next to him. "You could pretend you're sucking it," he couldn't help but grin. "Y know, just if the point of the photo doesn't get across."

 

Niall put his hand up so it looked like he was fisting it into his mouth. It was actually rather impressive framing.

 

Harry laughed prettily. "Perfect,” he grinned and snapped the photo.

 

Niall laughed out loud at the sight of it. "Awesome!" It didn't really capture what he was going for, but he had a feeling there may be plenty of opportunity to take snuggly pictures with Harry later. Just to make Zayn jealous. If only he could find a way to ensure Zayn would see them.

 

Harry pushed the phone back into his pocket and took Niall's hand. "Come on. I'm craving something sweet."

 

"Harry, tell me about you," Niall said. "I don't know anything. Louis hasn't said anything." Ray said less.

 

"What do you want to know, love?" Harry asked as if he was ready to give every little detail of his life which certainly wasn't the case. "We can play 20 questions later tonight over a bottle of wine."

 

Niall shook his head and laughed slightly, knowing Harry wasn't going to take this seriously. "If we're pretend boyfriends, you'll just give me pretend answers."

 

Harry gave a slight smirk. "If you get me sufficiently drunk I might tell you all my dark, dirty secrets."

 

Niall smiled genuinely. "I want those!"

 

~*~

 

Niall was exhausted from the day, so he was slumped over on Harry in the taxi, struggling to stay awake.

 

Harry softly stroked down Niall's arm with his fingertips, "Come on, love, don't fall asleep on me."

 

"That dinner was amazing," Niall muttered on his shoulder, half asleep. "You are so getting laid."

 

Harry was surprised by that. He actually hadn't expected anything to happen this weekend with how heartbroken Niall was. Suddenly he'd rather be in bed with Niall than this party. But he had to make at least a quick appearance. He could always sneak out early. "What happened to comfort, no sex?”

 

Niall blinked awake a bit more and rubbed his eyes. "I was joking -- I'm saying the food was really good..." He was kidding on the square. He wanted Harry, of course, was so attracted to him. But this respect and affection that Harry was pouring over him was far more healing right now.

 

Harry swallowed a sigh and reminded himself that he'd have Niall sooner than later. "Alright,” he said easily and ruffled Niall's hair, fruitlessly trying to rearrange it into something more presentable. "We can sneak out early. Have a nice bath, a bottle of wine and a lot of kisses," Harry said, voice dropped low and he nudge the back of Niall's ear with his nose, wanting a kiss.

 

That actually sounded heavenly to Niall and he smiled. "Who would we be pretending for, then?"

 

Harry brushed his lips against Niall's temple. "No one," he said and grabbed Niall's chin, tilting his face up to his. "We wouldn't be pretending.” His gaze dropped to Niall's, staying there for an intense second before he lifted his eyes to Niall's. “It'd be real." He leaned down and kissed him sweetly on the lips.

 

Warmth burned through Niall and thawed out his cold places. He wanted to fall into Harry's arms, under Harry's spell, into Harry's bed, but he just couldn't. "You said you wouldn't do that," he said, once his lips were his again. "Don't do that -- you said you wouldn't do that to me."

 

Harry's hand came up to Niall's face; cradling his cheek and stroking down the soft skin. "What are you talking about, love?” he asked. "It would be real. I want to spend a quiet night with you. I enjoy your company."

 

"Yeah, but.. But not real-real. Not like we're a couple-real. Right?"

 

"Right," Harry said and kissed Niall again, but only briefly before he pulled back and looked into Niall's eyes. "Not 'real-real'."

 

That made Niall smile. "Yeah. Let's do that, then." When they pulled up to a beautiful red brick building, Niall knew they were at the right place for the magnificence of it. "Wow. So... Tell me about your friends," he said, wanting to know specifically who Harry had slept with and would be giving him the evil eye.

 

"Not enough time to tell you all of them,” Harry said and opened the door, climbing out gracefully and reaching for Niall's hand to help him out. "The only thing you need to know is that our announcement might not get the best reaction from everyone. Just stay close to me and you'll be alright."

 

"Jesus, Harry, what are you leading me into?" Niall laughed. He took hold of Harry's hand and was determined to stay close. When they got to the appropriate apartment, the door was opened by a beautiful woman in her 30s, brunette and over made-up. "Harold Styles!! Everyone, Harry's here!" There was a whoop from inside the room.

 

"Caroline, you look fabulous as always, good to see you," Harry said with a simple smile, charming and beautiful. He pulled Niall a bit forward so Caroline noticed him, too. "Niall. This is Caroline Flack . Caroline this is Niall, my boyfriend," Harry said in a proud voice and squeezed Niall's hand and giving him an adoring look.

 

"Oh, hi!" She smiled with a laugh, clearly seeing Niall as a bit of fluff that Harry probably wouldn't even leave with. "Aren't you cute? I'm Caroline!" She stepped aside and let them both in. Immediately, she took Harry's arm and pulled him off to the kitchen. "Oh my god, let me make you a drink, have you heard what happened?"

 

"What?" Harry asked distracted, busy looking back at Niall who looked confused and lost. "Come on, love," he called and reached for Niall.

 

Caroline gave him a very funny look when he did that, but let it go. "As soon as you left, Julia left town. She just left. She said there was no reason to live in New York if you were gone. We were all like 'bitch, he's coming back’ (I knew you were coming back, Harry), but she just _left_. Did you _know_ she was in love with you this whole time? Like, not just lusty," she winked at Niall. "Like, in love, in love. Like, putting away money for your future children's college in love."

 

Harry had known. Of course he'd known. Julia had been a bit obsessed with him. "Well, I hope she's alright," Harry said and put a hand on the small of Niall's back. "But I hope she won't be too heartbroken when she finds out that my heart belongs to this one right here," Harry said and looked at Niall with heart eyes. "Isn't that right, love?"

 

Niall gave an abrupt, startled chortle. Caroline just rolled her eyes. "Always the heartbreaker, Styles. Anyway, Jason is here, so don't be too lovey, cause I don't want my party going to shit."

 

Niall was getting the impression that Harry had a deeply ingrained history with every person he met. No one was just an acquaintance. This thought was further supported by Caroline taking Harry's head and giving him a far-too-steamy-to-be-platonic kiss on the lips. "Thanks for coming to my party, baby."

 

Harry rubbed her lipstick off his mouth. "I wouldn't miss it," he said with a smile. "But Car, I appreciate your show of affection but turn it down a notch." He peeked into the living room. "Jason is here?" he asked a bit wary.

 

Caroline gave him another look. Harry was usually trying to convince the hangers-on that he was disinterested, not trying to be protective. There was only one thing to explain it: "Haven't fucked him yet, have you?" she muttered, nodding at Niall. "Yeah. He's in the living room. Enjoy."

 

"Happy birthday," Harry said and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before taking Niall's hand and leading him away. "This might not be my brightest idea yet," Harry said, purposefully staying clear of the living room even though he knew that Jason would be coming for him soon.

 

"Hey," Niall tugged on his hand. "We don't have to pretend. Let's just say I'm your friend, ok, from school or something--"

 

"Well, look who came back alive." A tall, beautiful silhouette shaded the landing before them and Niall saw who he immediately assumed was Jason: he was stunning. He had to be Brazilian, sexy, and Niall assumed he was either a dancer or athlete of some sort. "So glad you came back, Harry," Jason purred sarcastically. "And what's this?" he nodded at Niall. "A late night snack?"

 

Harry had to make a snap-decision, throw this plan out of the window, introduce Niall as a friend and avoid a catastrophe, or go through with the plan, introduce Niall as his boyfriend and make this party a lot more interesting. Harry wanted to see Jason's reaction so he wrapped both his hand around Niall and pulled him impossibly close. "No, Jason, this is Niall Horan. He's everything I've ever searched for in my life," Harry said and locked eyes with Niall, silently urging him to play along. "He's my boyfriend."

 

"Well, aren't you lucky!" Jason smiled at Niall cynically. "Looks like he might make you breakfast before he rolls over you to sleep with your sister."

 

"It's not like that--" Niall blurted, not certain what he was thinking in saying it.

 

Jason chortled. "Oh, no? You think this is true love, sweetheart? I promise, whatever he's said to you, he's said to three hundred people before you. Enjoy it while it lasts, and we have some coke in the living room for you for when it doesn't."

 

"Oh, come on, Jason, don't be so bitter," Harry said in a condescending tone. He turned to look at Niall with soft eyes. "Don't listen to him, love, he doesn't know how to let go." He kissed Niall between his brows. "Come on. Let's get a drink from the kitchen."

 

"You are so fucking obvious, Styles! That kid is naive and you're taking advantage!" His voice followed them into the kitchen and Niall turned to look up at Harry. "Harry. Jesus."

 

"I know," Harry said with a shake of his head, rolling his eyes. He poured two drinks and gave Niall one. "I think we might need to leave earlier than intended or else you're going to get caught in something you'd rather not be in."

 

"So I mean you really are-- I mean, you really, really-- You're--" he couldn't bring himself to say 'a slut' but he was having trouble finding other words. "A ... womanizer?" That wasn't right, either.

 

Harry tilted his face and looked at Niall. "I enjoy sex," he said simply, shamelessly. "There's nothing wrong with that, now is there?" It absolutely wasn't his fault that people always wanted more from him than he could give.

 

"How many people do you sleep with in a week? Roughly?" He watched as Harry moved about easily, pouring both of them drinks, making sure they were perfect.

 

"It depends on the week," Harry said easily and gave Niall a perfectly mixed drink. He took a sip of his and pretended to be thoughtful. "Around three?" he shrugged and downed his drink.

 

"Three different people?" Niall said, then shook his head. "Wow." That was important to keep in mind, Niall told himself. He couldn't fall in love with someone who slept with three people a week. Caroline came back in at that moment and waved at Harry as if Niall wasn't even there. "C'mon, love, come see everyone else, they all miss you. Jason'll behave, I made him promise."

 

"I'll be right there," Harry told her before turning to Niall and saying quietly, "This might get a little intense," he said and ran his fingers down the length of Niall's arm, taking his hand. "Do you think you can do it?"

 

"We're not really in love, Harry," Niall said. "I'll be fine. This could be fun," he smirked a little bit. It was sort of fun watching people give Harry shit.

 

Harry smirked as well. "Then please, turn up your game a little and help me out," he said. He intertwined their fingers and pulled Niall along into the living room.

 

"Turn up my game?" Niall repeated to himself under his breath. When they entered the room, Niall took his hand out of Harry's and pushed it in Harry's back pocket, taking a handful of his ass and pulling him close.

 

Harry had certainly not expected that and he sucked in a surprised breath, putting his hand flat against Niall's chest, eyes fluttering. "Love, save that for the bedroom," he said, biting down his lip, well aware that more than a few eyes were on them.

 

Niall smirked at him, trying not to break out into giggles. "What? I've seen couples do this. It's a common, casual standing posture for being with one's boo."

 

"Boo?" Harry bit down the inside of his cheek from keep laughing. "You might as well grab my dick,” he said, grinning. 

 

"Should I?" Niall whispered, tickling his bum.

 

Harry curled his hips into Niall's and dipped his head to whisper, "Would you ever fuck me in a public place, Niall?" he asked, dragging his mouth down Niall's ear. "A place full of people? Where you'd have wrap a hand around my mouth to keep my moans down?" Harry was getting turned on at the thought.

 

That took a turn Niall wasn't expecting. He was just goofing around, seeing how ludicrous he could make the situation and here he was, with a half hard dick, fantasizing about taking Harry Styles in public. "Harry..." he said, although his voice had dropped several octaves and his hand on Harry's butt became more of a caress. "Jesus..." He nuzzled into Harry's curls. "You're going to make me indecent." But, yes. Yes, he absolutely would.

 

Harry chased off all the dirty images flashing before his inner eyes, he needed to be a bit presentable, at least for a little while longer. He kissed Niall's neck softly and lifted his eyes, looking over his shoulder and catching eyes with Jason. Harry gave him a slow smirk. "Come on," he said against Niall's ear. "Let me introduce you to the others."

 

Niall let out a shaky sigh, still half-mast in his pants. He took his hand out of Harry's pocket and instead wrapped it around his waist. Harry took them to a pleasant-faced, rotund, middle-aged man who smiled brightly at the pair of them. "Nice to see you back, Harry," he said, as they approached.

 

Harry pulled Niall around, introducing him to as many people as he could before he pulled Niall down on a sofa. He turned his body towards him, casually draping his thigh over his legs. "Have I told you that you look ravishing, tonight, love?" he said, a little tipsy.

 

Niall, equally tipsy and reaching for another glass of whisky, giggled at him. "I'm taking a picture and sending it to Louis. C'mere," he said, tugging on Harry's shirt to bring their heads together and holding up his phone. "Gi' us a kiss."

 

Harry smiled and tilted Niall's face to his, kissing Niall deeply on the lips. 

 

Niall took the picture. He had sort of meant a smooch on the noggin, but this would do, too. He actually kissed Harry a little bit, pulling him tighter into his lap and pushing him down against the cushions. When he pulled away, he muttered, "I can't send that to Louis."

 

Harry grabbed Niall's collar and pulled him back down, hungry for more kisses. He looked up at Niall's with half-lidded eyes. "Why's that?" he asked, licking along his ruby lips. He stroked down Niall's back until his hand reached his ass and he took a handful, squeezing. 

 

Niall sighed softly, curling his hips into Harry's and encouraging him to lock his knee over his hips. "I think he still has a thing for you..." he said, sucking Harry's top lip between his own. Holy shit, his lips.

 

Harry groaned and ground up against Niall, feeling his dick twitching to life. "No, he doesn't," he said and licked into Niall's mouth, the kiss messy and wet and perfectly so. He caressed Niall's ass and he wondered how longer he'd have to wait before Niall let him have him, because God only knew how badly he wanted him.

 

"Oh, just take him upstairs and get it over with!" Caroline cawed at them both. "Then you can send him home with a pat on the ass and we won't have to watch you two anymore!" That was a bit bitchy, even for Niall and he glared over at Catherine. "That's a shitty thing to say," he snapped at her. She just rolled her eyes. "You aren't the one, honey. If it's true love you're looking for, toddle along."

 

That actually irritated Harry and he pushed Niall up to look properly at Caroline. "That's not very nice, Car," he said, eyes narrowed a bit in disapproval. "I actually really care about him and when you say things like that to hurt him, you're hurting me too." He climbed to his feet and pulled Niall along. "I think we'll just head home now," he said to Caroline. He looked at Niall, "Come on love, I'll run you those baths you like so much."

 

"And that's the commitment most actors lack on Broadway," Jason sassed behind them, which got a laugh from the whole room. Niall followed Harry into the hall and down the stairs and there he said, "Harry, your friends are dicks. I mean... If you actually did fall in love with someone... That right there might've ruined it."

 

"Yeah...they're just bitter and jealous," Harry said and lead Niall outside into the chaos of New York. He pulled a cab. "If we'd stayed there a minute longer, things would only have gotten nastier."

 

Niall tucked into his chest to defend from the cold and looked up at him. "Have you told them what you've told me about your thoughts on love?"

 

Harry wrapped both arms around Niall and held him close. "No," he said simply. 

 

That surprised him. "Really? They reacted like that and you haven't even told them you don't think love exists? Do you just... radiate it or something?"

 

Harry cocked a brow. "What do you mean? Radiate what?"

 

"Radiate that you don't believe in love."

 

Harry gave a slight shrug. "I guess they all kind of thought I'd fall for them or something. Or maybe it's just pretty obvious."

 

Niall sighed and put his head on Harry's shoulder. "Yeah," he said, yawning. "Everyone wants to be the person to teach you to love. That'd be special."

 

Harry smiled and stroked down Niall's arm. "Can it be taught, though? Isn't it something that's just happens?" He finally managed to catch the attention of a cab. "But what do I know."

 

Niall climbed into the cab and didn't bother with his seatbelt. He just leaned over, his head on Harry's shoulder. "Yeah. It just happens. Especially when you don't want it to."

 

"That sounds like a right pain in the ass," Harry said and chuckled quietly. He lifted his arm so Niall could snuggle closer.

 

"Maybe it'll happen to you some day, Styles. Then you'll see."

 

Harry gave a slight smirk like the mere idea was ludicrous, though he couldn't deny that he was curious; just a tiny bit. He stroked through Niall's hair and looked out at the city racing by. "Maybe it'll be you. Who knows. "

 

"Not falling for it, Styles," he chortled softly.

 

When they got home, Niall was one sleepy puppy. "What did you say? Wine and a movie?"

 

Harry raised a brow as he shed his jacket and made himself more comfortable, "I thought we were doing the whole 'getting to know each other’ thing.''

 

"So, wine then." He poured two glasses and extended one to Harry. "You told me today, if I got you drunk you’d tell me all your secrets. How drunk do I have to get you?"

 

Harry crawled onto the bed and made himself comfortable against the headboard. He smirked teasingly at Niall and took a sip of the wine. "Very, very drunk. To the point where you fear for my health."

 

"Not worth it," Niall said, clumsily crawling after him, but somehow managing to not spill his wine. "I'm over worrying about people's health. We could pretend, though. We're getting really good at that."

 

Harry snorted. "It certainly didn't go as well as I thought back at that party," he shook his head and smiled. "Ok. Let's pretend. Ask me something. "

 

Niall gave it some thought. He didn't want to scare him off in the first few questions, so he started with stuff he thought Harry would tell him anyway. "First time you had sex?"

 

"Fifteen," Harry answered easily. "You?"

 

"Sixteen." Niall had forgotten about reciprocity. If Harry was going to be asking him questions back, this game suddenly became very unsafe. "We should play something else."

 

Harry eyed Niall. "Seems like I'm not the only one hiding skeletons in the closet, huh?"

 

"So many skeletons," Niall said, shyly. He rolled closer to Harry, pushing his nose into his shirt and keeping his wine precariously aloft. "So you're going back to your dad?"

 

Harry shifted a little. "Yeah," he answered curtly, hoping that Niall didn't ask him further about his father, he really didn't want ruin an otherwise pleasant night.

 

Niall could tell he upset him and he stroked a hand down his chest to soothe him. "Your friends love you. You know that, right? They'll stand by you in the rough stuff." Well, Louis loved Harry, Niall was sure of that -- everyone else, he couldn't vouch for.

 

Harry looked at Niall for a small moment. "Will you?" he asked innocently. 

 

"Yes," Niall said sincerely. Then he threw back his wine, put the glass on the nightstand and wrapped Harry in his arms. "Yes."

 

Harry nearly spilled his wine at the unexpected embrace and he felt something stir deep inside of him. He smiled gently and wrapped one arm around Niall, nuzzling his neck and kissing the soft skin there. "Thank you." 

 

Niall started stroking up and down Harry's back. "I don't want to think, Harry. It gets me at night -- the whole Zayn thing. If I start thinking, I won't sleep."

 

Harry nodded in understanding and held Niall for a moment longer. He looked at Niall with his intense, apple green eyes. "Then let me distract you," he kissed Niall tenderly on the lips, resting his forehead against his once he pulled away. He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. "Do you want to ask me more questions?"

 

"No," he said softly. "It's not fair if I can't answer them, too."

 

"We can ask harmless questions like..." Harry looked at Niall with a glint in his eyes, "...what's your favorite sex position?"

 

"Harmless?" Niall almost laughed. "Um..." The most experimental sex he'd had was with Louis. "I liked it when he was in my lap and we were moving together. That was good. But when I'm on the bottom, I like to be on my front with my leg tucked up. You?"

 

"Interesting," Harry said, saving that piece of information for later use. "Me? I like it when I'm flat on my back with the girl or boy on top of me, I love to see them work themselves on my cock, just bouncing on my lap and in that position, I can see everything, the way my dick appears and disappears inside of them, the way the roll their hips." 

 

"Do they face you or face away?"

 

"Face me," Harry said. "I love to see their faces all red and scrunched up in pleasure."

 

"And what about when you're on the bottom?' Niall purred into his throat.

 

Harry shivered a little bit. "I don't know, love," he said, voice lowered and husky. "I haven't exactly tried it before, but I don't know what would work for me."

 

"You haven't _exactly_ tried it before?" Niall asked, nuzzling his ear. "What have you done?"

 

Harry gave a slight chuckle and emptied his glass, replacing it on the nightstand. "There was this older guy once a couple of months back, he lubed my thighs up and made me clench them around his cock," Harry breathed a little harder at the memory, his eyes fluttering, "and then he just moved his cock between my thighs in this slow, sensual way. Fuck, it was hotter than I ever thought it would be. He came in two minutes flat, though. That ruined it."

 

Niall bit his lip, pulling Harry tighter. That sounded so hot. "Have you ever played with fingering yourself?"

 

"Not that much," Harry admitted; he hadn't even attempted in a while now.

 

"Not even running your fingertip around the rim?" Niall asked, curling his finger against Harry's chest, the way he wanted to do it to his hole.

 

Harry ran his pink tongue along his bottom lip briefly. "I would let you," he said, voice quiet and silky, "if you wanted, I'd let you do it right now." His fingers curled around Niall's hips, giving a slight squeeze.

 

God, Niall wanted to. Of course he wanted to. And if they just fooled around, it wasn't sex, was it? If neither penetrated the other, it wasn't sex, it was just... boys experimenting. Eyes locked on Harry's, Niall pushed his index finger into his mouth and started sucking.

 

That simple action was surprisingly arousing and Harry felt embers of arousal glow in the pit of his belly. He could feel his hole clench in anticipation, which wasn't a very familiar feeling, but he welcomed it warmly. He didn't break the eye-contact with Niall as he began to slowly undo his pants.

 

Niall pulled his finger from his mouth only to lean in and give Harry a particularly slow and dirty kiss before reaching around and scooping Harry's butt up in his hands. Harry had a wonderful butt, often overlooked for all that leg.

 

Harry breathed in hard, his eyes fluttering. He bit down his lip and pushed back against Niall's hand, feeling his dick twitching to life. He gazed at Niall with steadily darkening eyes. "Get to it," he said voice low, demanding and impatient.

 

Niall smiled a luxurious smile that said, 'I will when I'm good and ready' because he really liked playing with Harry's cheeks. He worked Harry's pants all the way off and draped his thigh over his hip, sliding his hand up the underside so he was in the heat of Harry's thighs. He stroked him between his legs before pushing back between his cheeks to run his slick finger around that incredibly tight, virgin hole.

 

Harry let out a very soft gasp and bucked at the unfamiliar feeling, small sparks of pleasure running through him. He clutched the front of Niall's shirt and buried his face in Niall's neck, kissing him there.

 

Niall started circling Harry's rim, letting his finger catch on the tiny folds, while he pushed his thumb between Harry's thighs to stroke his perineum at the same time. "I bet you have the tightest little asshole," Niall panted softly into his ear.

 

Jesus. That made Harry groan, "Fuck," he said and lifted his face to press a filthy, wet kiss into Niall's mouth. He was panting harshly, his dick was nearly standing fully hard, throbbing. Harry pushed back into Niall's fingers. "You are absolutely dying to be the first one to shove your cock up my 'tight little asshole', isn't that right, Niall?" He asked when he pulled back from the kiss and gazed into Niall's eyes with lust-filled ones. 

 

Niall nodded yes. "I want to watch you tremble and whimper and absolutely fall apart," he panted, kissing Harry deeply, tasting the wine in his mouth.

 

Harry was so incredibly turned on by the thought. He promptly crawled out of Niall's lap and laid flat down on the bed, spreading his legs and tucking his knees up, exposing himself shamelessly. He looked at Niall through the curls that had tumbled over his eyes. "Is this how you'd like me?" He purred.

 

Niall's cock throbbed painfully at the sight of Harry spreading himself out like that and for an instant, he thought he would come in his pants. "Yes," he panted, kissing Harry fiercely as he tried to get out of his clothes. "God, yes, like that..." Once he was bare, he kissed Harry again, over and over, stroking his hand between Harry's cheeks, making him hot and sensitive. It was hard to pull away from kissing him -- it was Niall's way of showing him that he was grateful, that this was important to him, too, that he cared -- but when he did pull away, he dove down between Harry's spread thighs and pushed his wet tongue deep inside Harry's hole.

 

" _Ah_!" Harry's eyes widened and his kiss bruised mouth fell open, face growing slack in lust. "Oh God!" He let out a small whimper and arched off the bed. If he'd known that a tongue in his asshole would feel this pleasurable, he would have gotten someone to do it ages ago. He hand found its way into Niall's hair and he let out small, soft puff of breaths, moaning, "Feels heavenly. Don't stop."

 

Niall stroked over his tummy, gouging deep. His hand curled around Harry's dick, stroking slowly, not enough to bring him off, just really work him up.

 

Harry got worked up in a horny frenzy writhing and desperate to get off, his cock was throbbing, heavy against his stomach but the tongue wasn't going to be enough to get him off and he really needed more. He tugged hard in Niall's hair. "Fuck me," he said, voice thick with lust. "Give me your cock, love, give me everything you've got."

 

Niall came up to face him again, his hair a mess, his lips swollen and beautiful. "Liked that, did you?" he smirked before leaning down to kiss Harry hungrily as he pushed two fingers inside him. "Oh, _fuck_." Harry was just as tight as he had hoped, tighter. "Oh, Jesus, Harry..."

 

Harry's body automatically tensed at the ungentle intrusion. It wasn't exactly painful, but it was uncomfortable. He locked Niall's body between his thighs. "God..." He whispered breathlessly, curls all over the place, eyes hazy. 

 

Niall kissed his forehead. "Sorry... That was a bit much..." He took out one of his fingers and gently worked the other inside him, letting him get used to being penetrated. "You are so beautiful, baby," he sighed into his ear.

 

"Baby?" Harry repeated with a slight chuckle as he slowly relaxed, unclenching around Niall's finger and letting it move easier inside of him and he let out a small sigh, throwing his head a bit back.

 

"Yes," Niall cooed, kissing down his cheek. "Right now, you're my beautiful baby..." He slipped another finger inside Harry's clenching ring and started searching for that bump that he knew would scramble Harry's brain.

 

Harry smiled softly and tilted his face back to look at Niall. "You're quite stunning yourself, love," he purred, trailing a finger down Niall's soft, red cheek. "And right now, I guess I don't mind being--" Harry's sentence trailed off into a sharp gasp as Niall finally found that spot deep inside of him that made him see the stars. He clenched tightly around Niall's fingers, his own fingers curling around Niall's shoulder, "Oh...oh..oh, right there...right there," he moaned shamelessly, slowly unraveling.

 

"Yes," Niall panted, kissing Harry deeply, nibbling his lips. He then ducked down to suck on his nipples, tonguing them up while he fingered Harry's nub. "Hold on..." He pulled out as gently as he could before giving Harry's chest a quick peck. He ran into the bathroom and rooted through Harry's personal bag, knowing just knowing -- sure enough, he found a small tube of lube. "Sorry," he took hold of Harry's head and kissed him over and over. "Sorry, baby, I’m here for you…” He got a huge gob of lube on his hand and soothed it into Harry's stretched hole. "That's nice, yeah?"

 

Harry rather liked this. He liked being this cared for by Niall. "Yeah," he said softly and reached up, grabbing Niall's face between his hands and pulling him down for slow, sensual kiss. While in the kiss, he reached down for the lube and poured a generous amount in his hand, lubing Niall's dick up and giving him a few strokes. "Let's do it," he said, softly nibbling at Niall's bottom lip. He reached around and smacked Niall's ass. "And take it easy and slow, you don't want to have to carry me home."

 

"Who knows, maybe I do -- for all the right reasons." He gave Harry a sharky grin and urged Harry's legs up around his hips. His slow working of Harry's hole had made him a little looser so that when Niall slipped his head into Harry's channel, it popped inside with a slick, easy glide. Niall groaned from low in his belly from the gripping heat and he watched Harry's face closely as he slowly, patiently pushed his girth into Harry's virgin body.

 

Harry's concentrated on relaxing so Niall could get all the way in. His face was scrunched up a bit at the delicious stretch, soft pants tumbling from his red-kissed lips and his fingers curled into the sheets, tightening for every inch of Niall that disappeared inside of him. "Christ..." he said with a soft gasp as he felt his muscles start to give. "Jesus...Niall..." 

 

"Oh, yeah, baby, just like that, you're doing so good," Niall gasped, leaning down to give soft, feathery kisses to Harry's nipples as he gently pushed Harry's knees back and apart a little more. "That alright?" he asked when he was halfway in. "Too much? I don't have to go deeper..."

 

"Are you kidding me?" Harry panted and used the heels of his feet to dig into Niall's ass and urge him further in. "I want to feel it all the way in, love," he said, hand gripping the back of Niall's neck, giving a hard squeeze.

 

Niall reached for Harry's neck and squeezed him back, and with one smooth, easy slide of his hips, he pushed in until his hips were flush with Harry's arse and he had nearly bent the other boy in half. "Harry... Fuck, beautiful.."

 

That knocked a cry out of Harry and he fell flat back against the bed, throwing his head back. "Oh," he gasped in something that sounded like wonder and awe. "Feel so full."

 

Niall stroked his thigh slowly, letting Harry get used to it. "Feels good, huh?" He panted, choking on his own lust. Harry looked astounding, his curls flung back against the pillow, his sensual mouth parted in a beautiful pant, his skin glistening with sweat. And that was to say nothing of the beautiful, throbbing cock dripping against his firm tummy. Niall wished there were words for him to tell Harry how blindingly stunning he was in that moment, but there was nothing he could think of that could capture it. "Harry..." Or perhaps it was all there in the way he said his name.

 

The way Niall said his name made Harry tilt his face back and blink up at Niall with his darkened green eyes. Niall was looking down at him with unadulterated adoration in his eyes and even though Harry had gotten that look from plenty of people, it had never been in a moment like this, a moment where he wasn't in control, a moment where he was vulnerable. In that moment, where Niall was so deeply imbedded in him, looking down at him like he couldn't quite believe this was happening Harry let his mask fall completely and he looked up at Niall with an expression so sincere and open that he'd never given anyone before him. He reached up and stroked down Niall's face. "Move," he urged softly. "Show me what I've been missing out on."

 

Niall had to kiss him in gratitude for that look, which was everything he felt he'd ever wanted from anyone. Lips still locked together, Niall started moving in him, slowly at first to let him get used to the somewhat strange sensation, then he immediately started aiming, trying to find that nub that was the center of all men's pleasure. When he found it, he just slowly started dragging the head of his cock across it, an agonizingly sensuous tease designed to make Harry go mad with lust.

 

That blew Harry's mind and pushed him right to the edge but not quite off of it. His dick throbbed painfully against his stomach, dribbling messily with pre-cum. He moaned deep in his throat, his fingers digging into Niall's back. "Harder, fuck me harder, I need it harder," he choked out, choking on his own lust. 

 

Niall kissed all over him, stroking his fingers in his hair, holding him so tightly. "I don't want it to end," he nibbled on Harry's ear. "Promise me I can fuck you again tonight and I'll let you come..."

 

Harry nearly came just from that and he let out a soft, "Oh God..." before he wrapped his arms around Niall and pressed their bodies closer, skin against skin. "You can fuck me tonight...and tomorrow and the day after that...you can fuck me whenever you want to," Harry whispered hotly and was surprised that he actually meant every word of that. Niall's cock was scrambling his brain and right then, he wanted nothing more than just have Niall fuck him again and again until he passed out from the pleasure.

 

Niall growled into his mouth and started snapping his hips hard, his ballsack spanking into Harry's ass. He gouged his precious prostate and took hold of the headboard to really drive into him, fucking him open in a way that would leave him sore for days. All the while, he watched Harry's face, desperate to see his expressions of pleasure.

 

Harry gave himself completely over to Niall within the seconds of that relentless thrusting. A string of unintelligible words tumbled from his ruby lips caught between small, pretty mews and lewd, dirty moans. He moved his hips meeting Niall's thrusts midway and he felt the fire of arousal grip his balls and his dick twitched. "Oh God...I'm coming...I'm gonna come...!" His vision went white as his orgasm finally hit him hard, he trembled with the force of it, his hole spasming around Niall's cock.

 

The fact that Niall didn't even have to touch his dick to make Harry come made Niall go off like a firehose. In long, hard thrusts, he pumped his cum into Harry's willing hole, releasing more than he thought his balls capable of holding.

 

Harry was boneless against the soft covers, just spreading his legs and letting Niall finish inside of him. He whimpered softly when Niall emptied inside of him, filling him up. He groaned and he finally understood why Louis loved cum in his ass as much as he did, it was mind-blowingly hot. 

 

Niall took several seconds to just pant against Harry's shoulder as he came down. Then he lifted himself up on shaky arms and cradled Harry's head in his hands. A bright, dopey, happy smile lit up his face and he looked at Harry as if it was the first time he'd seen him in ages. "Hello, gorgeous!"

 

Harry laughed softly. "Hi there," he said, eyes bright and expression sated, "You just rocked my world."

 

"Can I get that on a t-shirt?" Niall snickered. "'I rocked Harry Styles' world'?" Very, very carefully, he slipped from Harry's no-longer tight channel and helped him put his feet back on the bed. "You don't hurt, do you?"

 

"I do," Harry said with a crooked smile, "But in the best way possible." He felt Niall's come drip from his sore hole and he reached down, touching himself gingerly. "Jesus...I never gave you permission to come inside of me, Niall. Where are your manners?" He was teasing, the truth was that he didn't mind it, not even a little.

 

"Sorry," Niall sighed, kissing under his jaw and stroking his hand where he was exploring himself. "You are just so fucking beautiful..." He lifted his head and studied his eyes for a few moments, before leaning in and giving him a soft, sincere kiss. "Thank you for letting me have you."

 

"Best decision of my life," Harry said with a slight smirk and kissed Niall back. "No regrets." He grabbed Niall and pulled him down to lie next to him. He pushed his leg between Niall's legs and tilted his face to his, pressing a series of sweet kisses into his mouth. He pulled away and studied Niall's face. "We ended up having sex," he said with a smirk. "What happened to 'no sex', love?"

 

Niall reached up and pet Harry's cheek gently. "Well, once you seemed ok with me topping you, that pretty much sealed the deal." He smirked cheekily.

 

Harry chuckled breathlessly. "You're going to have to let me return the favor sooner than later," he said, his hand sneaking behind Niall's back and grabbing a handful of his sweet ass.

 

Niall sighed, his hips curling into Harry's. "I didn't blow your mind enough to make a permanent bottom of you, did I? Shame on me."

 

That made Harry laugh into Niall's shoulder. "You did well enough to let me grant you unlimited access to my ass," he said with a cheeky wink and groped Niall's ass, "but I still want to fuck you into the mattress."

 

Niall's face went stupid with lust at the thought of it. "Ok," he said, definitely on board with that. "Later... Need to regain my strength." He nuzzled into Harry's neck and pulled him close, draping Harry's thigh over his hip again, which was where he liked it. "Wish we had a picture of us like this -- I'd send it straight to Zayn."

 

Harry gave Niall a mischievous smile. "Are you asking me permission?" He asked with a cocked brow, "Do it if you want to. I'm all in."

 

Niall sighed heavily. "No. There's no use. It would just hurt me in the end, when Zayn makes it clear he just doesn't care. He really doesn't. He's just type back something like, 'I'm so happy you're happy, Niall. I don't need to see these, but I'm happy to know you're happy.' That's it. That's exactly what he would say. Not the reaction I'd want."

 

Harry gently stroked down Niall's naked body in comforting circles. "I have a feeling he'd be jealous. He strikes me as the jealous type and he obviously doesn't like me. Bet he isn't thrilled with you staying here with me...what exactly is the reaction you'd want? For him to grab you and show you who you belong to?" Harry rolled his eyes.

 

"Yes," Niall sighed, knowing he was making an ass of himself for confessing it. "Obviously, that's exactly what I want."

 

Harry let out a deep sigh. "Take the picture then," he urged. "Go get your phone and take the picture."

 

Niall shook his head. "Too obvious. That's... That's too crazy and obvious." He pulled Harry tighter and snuffled into his hair. "I didn't mean to ruin the mood by talking about him. I'm sorry. I really am happy to be here with you."

 

"Stop talking about him then," Harry said and curled his fingers into Niall's hip. He scattered butterfly down Niall's neck and across his collarbone. "Let's talk about something that's actually interesting--like how I'm caught between riding you or having you ride me."

 

Niall laughed softly, grateful for this wonderful distraction which was Harry. "You're ready to go again? That orgasm nearly broke me."

 

"You nearly broke me," Harry replied and experimentally shifted, grimacing a bit at the pain shooting up his spine. "God, I'm going to be walking funny and we have a brunch tomorrow with a few friends."

 

Niall purred low in his throat. "So everyone will know you're mine," he licked up Harry's throat, then pulled away to add: "for pretendsies, of course."

 

Harry smirked. "You remember Julia? The girl who left New York because she thought I was gone for good? She might be there. She'll eat you alive. You have no idea how crazy rich, entitled kids can be."

 

Niall groaned and flopped back onto the pillows. "What crazy world did I get myself into....? Why do you hang out with these people? They obviously don't care about you." It took him a second to realize what he said. "I.. Sorry. I'm sure they do. They just don't show it very well."

 

Harry's face went a bit dark and he pulled away from Niall. "You don't know them," he said tersely. "Sure, they can be assholes, but they care about me."

 

"Ok," Niall said, knowing he would believe it when he saw it.

 

Harry let out a deep breath and shook off the small pockets of doubts creeping up inside of him. He watched Niall for a small moment. "We'll be back home around evening, tomorrow," he said. "You do have school on Monday, right?"

 

Niall had dozed and opened his eyes a little bit. "Um.. Yeah... If I go..." He wondered if Harry was irritated with him and pulling away.

 

Harry nodded slowly. The come dripping from his ass was beginning to get uncomfortable. "I'm going to take a shower."

 

"Harry..." he reached out and stroked a finger over Harry's shoulder. "You're right. I don't know your friends. I just spent one evening with them. I'm just being a little defensive because all they did was... y'know... sort of either ignore or attack me."

 

Harry understood where Niall was coming from, of course he did, he just felt himself getting a bit irked that Niall would question his friendships. He took a deep breath and decided letting something small like that ruin tonight would be ridiculous. He took Niall's hand and kissed his fingertips. "Come shower with me."

 

Niall smiled at him. "Ok," he crawled off the bed after Harry and stroked the ink on Harry's hip. He thought of the tattoo he wanted to get with Zayn and realized that probably wasn't going to happen now. He didn't comment on the thought, but he did concentrate very hard on making the towels very soapy once they were in the shower.

 

Harry adjusted the temperature of the shower before stepping in and pulling Niall in with him. He looked down at Niall, so soft and pretty with his red cheeks and bright blue eyes. "You're beautiful," Harry said, cupping Niall's cheek and kissing him steamily.

 

Niall kissed him back, smiling against his lips. "Thank you, Harry." He marveled at the incredibly large shower and the three shower heads. "Can I baby you a little bit longer?" he asked, proffering his soapy hand towel.

 

Harry smiled. "You can baby me anytime you want," he said and bent a little down to nuzzle Niall's neck. "I like it when you take care of me," he whispered into his ear.

 

"Yeah?" Niall nuzzled him back. "It's hard to tell with you sometimes..." All the time. It was hard to tell with Harry all the time, except when he was coming in your lap.

 

"Now, are you going to clean up the mess you made?" He asked huskily, grabbing Niall's hand and bringing it to his still-dripping, sore hole.

 

Niall couldn't resist. He pushed his index finger inside Harry and gently started pumping him, his own come slicking the way. "Oh, yeah. But maybe not before I make a mess of it again..."

 

Harry moaned quietly and curled his hips into Niall's. "Fuck...guess I'm going to let you top again," he said, panting softly. He pulled Niall's finger out of him so he could turn around and brace himself against the glass wall. He tilted his face and looked at Niall with a lust written all over his face. "Take me against the wall," he purred, sluttily arching his back so his butt popped out more.

 

Niall immediately licked up his spine and nibbled on his ear, pushing his fingers into Harry's hole and working them in and out fast and hard, making sure he was still lubed with Niall's cum.

 

Harry moaned against the shower wall, misting the glass with his heavy breathing. He pushed back against Niall's fingers, fucking himself on them. He blindly reached for Niall's dick and grabbed it in a tight fist, stroking him quick and fast.

 

Niall bit into his shoulder and took hold of Harry's hips, pushing up inside him deep in one thrust. He pulled Harry flat against him, taking him by his jaw and making him crane his neck to get some deep, steamy kisses. "Oh, Harry.. Aw, baby.." he panted against his lips. "You like that? You want it slow? Hard? Deep?"

 

Harry groaned sultrily into his mouth. "I want it hard, so hard that I won't be able to--ahh--walk straight for _days_ ," he panted, blindly grabbing Niall for purchase. "Fuck me so hard I won't be able to even sit down without thinking of this. Just _ruin me_."

 

Niall was on board with that. He thrust into Harry in long, hard strokes, pulling Harry back onto his dick. At one point, he kicked Harry's feet closer together so Harry's tight channel was even tighter around him. His hips slapped into Harry's backside so hard, the flesh there turned a pretty petal pink. "Don't come until I say you can," Niall panted into his ear.

 

Harry was already a wreck, his thighs were shaking uncontrollably and he felt like every single nerve in his body was on fire. His cock was throbbing against his stomach and the steam of the hot shower coupled with this intense pleasure was making him dizzy. A particular hard thrust made him whine, high in his throat, a sound he'd never admit he made. 

 

"C'mere," Niall panted softly into his neck. "C'mon, come down with me." Niall bent his knees and, regrettably slipped from Harry's body. He brought Harry down into his lap and knew he wanted to have Harry the way Harry enjoyed having his lovers. "Sit on my dick, beautiful," he gasped, stroking every inch of Harry's beautiful flesh.

 

"Facing you?" Harry asked, a slight slur in his voice as if he was drunk on lust.

 

"Yeah, baby." Niall remembered that was how Harry said he liked it. He helped Harry facilitate the turn and smiled at him when he did. He reached up and stroked a wet lock of Harry's hair from his face and said, "Ride me."

 

Harry bit down his lip and lifted himself up, reaching for Niall's cock, desperate to have it back inside of him. He lined it up to his red, puffy hole and let out a small sigh when it caught at the rim, shivering slightly. Then he slowly sunk down on it, moaning happily, until it was lodged completely inside of him. "Oh God, yes, feels so good. Love your cock." 

 

Niall panted, the water dripping down his face, thrusting slowly, teaching Harry how to rock with a dick up him. "Christ, Harry, I wish I did have pictures of you like this..." He sunk his fingers into Harry's hair and brought him in for a steamy kiss, massaging his scalp.

 

"We should make a sex tape," Harry suggested off-handedly, nibbling on Niall's bottom lip. Before Niall had a chance to react to that, he rolled his hips experimentally before lifting himself up and falling back down again, shifting, trying to find that little spot that drove him wild.

 

Niall barked loudly when Harry started experimenting. The squeezing and the rolling on his cock were incredible and he loved seeing Harry's long, graceful legs go a bit gangly and awkward with pleasure. "Fuck yes!" he yelled. "I want to record this; I want to watch us fucking."

 

"Then we'll do it," Harry said with a grin, kissing Niall wetly. He let out small whines and gasp as he began to bounce on Niall's cock, absolutely loving the feel of a cock lodged deep inside of him and idly wondering why he hadn't done this sooner. He finally found his prostrate and he let out a loud moan as he began positioning himself so Niall's cock hit him just right.

 

Watching Harry humping ravenously for his pleasure was driving Niall out of his mind. "Oh, fuck, yes," he panted, watching Harry's hard cock flopping vigorously. "Gonna come in you again--!" He could see why Harry liked this position -- the view was incredible.

 

Harry threw his head a little back, fingers digging into Niall's shoulder for leverage as he punctuated every bounce with a small roll of his hips until he could feel the tension curl tightly in his belly. "Touch my cock, Niall, come on, come on," he urged, desperate to come.

 

"I could," Niall panted, "Or you could turn around and I could nail your prostate so hard you'll come without touching your dick again..." He grinned, knowing he could do it. "Your choice, baby."

 

Harry stopped up for a moment to catch his breath and to look at Niall with a smirk. "A little too confident, aren't we?" he teased, dragging his mouth along Niall's jaw. 

 

"I can do it," Niall said, beyond the shadow of a doubt. "I just need control of my hips. And I want to fuck you from behind."

 

"You want me to get on my hands and knees for you?" Harry asked with a dirty smirk.

 

Niall bit his lip. "On your knees, but put your hands on the wall. I'm gonna fuck you hard, don't want you to slip."

 

"The wall is glass, love, I'll slip and lose a few teeth in the process," Harry reluctantly lifted himself off Niall's cock, whimpering at the loss and standing on shaky feet. "Bedroom. I'll lay on my stomach and stick my ass in the air for you."

 

Niall wasn't going to say no to that. "Have time to set up a camera?" he asked, stroking up Harry's long legs and indulging for a few seconds on sucking on the tip of Harry's thick cock.

 

Harry's hips curled and he nearly grabbed Niall and shoved his dick down his throat. Harry smirked. "Fuck yes," he said and reluctantly slipped from Niall’s mouth. He haphazardly dried himself off as best as he could before he went into the bedroom and arranged his phone. "We need a good angle and we don't have a camera stand...or someone who could film it."

 

Niall just took the phone and propped it up on the bedside table. It wouldn't be the best angle, but it would stay still and what it missed -- well, Niall could imagine the rest. Then he turned to Harry, fisted a handful of his hair and kissed him savagely. "Bed. And spread your legs. I'm going to make you come and then fill you up so full, it'll drip down your thighs for weeks."

 

"Oh fuck yes," Harry breathed against Niall's lips. He crawled onto the bed and laid flat down on his stomach, sticking his ass in the air and wriggling it teasingly. "It's all yours, love," he purred, "Fuck me so hard, I won't remember anything but the feeling of your cock inside of me."

 

Niall crawled up between his legs, licking up his crack and tonguing his open hole. "Maybe I'll wake you up tomorrow by pushing my cock up you... You'll still be open..." Then he took hold of Harry's knee and tucked it up against his chest so he was in Niall's favorite position to be fucked in. When he entered him this time, he went slow, letting Harry feel the entire length of his dick. When he thrust, he concentrated hard on finding Harry's spot - -then he just started pounding into it, teasing and rubbing it with the head of his cock.

 

Harry's fingers curled the sheets into tight fists and he let out a sharp yelp when Niall began to fuck relentlessly into his prostate. He moaned shamelessly, bucking back against Niall's thrust, desperate for more. His face was awash with pleasure, mouth hanging open and before he knew what he was doing, he was chanting Niall's name in between the exclamations of need.

 

Niall kissed his ear and pawed up his butt, holding him open to push even deeper. "C'mon... Come for me, baby... Show me how much you like my cock inside you--" he was close, so close, himself.

 

The orgasm built up inside of him until the tension was nearly unbearable. A sharp thrust that nailed his prostate perfectly sent him falling over the edge with a loud moan, his thighs shaking and his hole clamping tightly around Niall's dick.

 

That was enough to trigger Niall's second orgasm. He pumped into Harry's hole, lodging himself deep to shoot his cream as far inside him as possible. He held Harry's hips hard, trembling as he pulled out. Then he fell to kissing him, his cheek his ear, his curls. "Christ, Harry..."

 

Harry was panting harshly, taking a few moments to collect himself and come back down from his high. "This...this’s gotta become a thing," he panted. 

 

Niall slipped from Harry's body easily and nuzzled against him. "Harry... This was amazing... You're amazing. You make me come so hard..."

 

Harry tilted his face to kiss what he could reach of Niall's face. "Your best lay, yet?" he asked with a smirk.

 

What, could he possibly say 'no', in a situation like this? "You're the best, baby," he said, having a feeling that was a question Harry's lovers had asked of him when they'd lost their virginity to him, and likewise, Harry had given them the same answer Niall had just given Harry. "How do you feel?" He was still on top of him, arms locked around his chest, but still giving him room to breathe.

 

"Wonderful," Harry said with a sigh and nuzzled into the soft sheets. He looked towards the phone. "Be a sweetheart and go get that phone," he said, nudging Niall to get off of him. "I want to see how we looked."

 

Niall smiled and nuzzled him, then disentangled himself from Harry and did as requested. He brought it over to the bed, pulling Harry back against his chest and bringing the phone in front for both of them to see it.

 

"Fuck, "Harry breathed as he watched Niall pound into his ass like there was no tomorrow, "This is the hottest thing I've ever seen." The next minute, a loud whine sounded from the phone in between the loud smacking sound of skin hitting skin and Harry felt his cheeks go a bit pink.

 

Niall had Harry tucked into his arms and he stroked leisurely little circles around his chest. When screen-Harry squeaked, Niall nibbled his ear and purred. "Fuuuuuucking sexy...."

 

Harry bit down his lips as the obscene sound of smacking skin filled the hotel room. "Well," he said slowly, "If everything fails...we can always make these videos, put them up on the internet and have people pay to watch." He chuckled softly. "Reassuring, huh?"

 

Niall smiled. "You're gorgeous, aren’t ya? See, I wasn't lying..." He loved Harry's pained little whimpers and the way his beautiful, cherry lips would part as he gasped wantonly. "I can't believe you haven't let anyone have your ass until now.'

 

"I can't, either..." Harry said, licking his lips as he watched the way Niall curled his fingers tight into his hips and slammed him back on his cock. Harry tilted his face up and blinked as innocently as he could at Niall. "...Guess I was waiting for you to come along."

 

Niall smiled at him. "I’m glad I'm here with you," he said sincerely. This was perfect. He could adore Harry openly, recklessly, like one should any rebound, but he was safe from the trap of Harry falling in love with him and being a jerk. No one would accuse him of leading Harry Styles on.

 

Harry looked at him for a short moment, a short intense moment before he gave him a slow, lazy kiss. Then he pulled away and yawned softly. "It's late," he said, blinking sleepily. "Let's sleep."

 

Niall took the camera and saved the file. "You have to send me this," he said, before flopping back on the pillows and making space for Harry on his chest.

 

Harry hummed in reply and curled up against Niall's chest. His eyes fluttered shut and his breath evened out within a couple of minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	13. Chapter 13

 

When Niall woke, the first thing he did was roll over to his belongings, get out his phone and text Louis, "I came in Harry's ass twice last night," because he couldn't keep it to himself.

 

Niall got a text back within seconds constructed of nothing but random letters strung together. Then about two seconds later, his phone began to ring, stirring Harry awake. The boy groaned. "Turn it off," he grumbled, voice deep and heavy with sleep.

 

"Be right back," Niall said softly, slipping out of bed and pulling on his shorts to go onto the balcony. "Hi," he said softly, once he was overlooking the city.

 

For a moment, all that could be heard on the other said was heavy breathing. "Is that a joke?!" Louis voice boomed suddenly. "Did Harry fucking Styles really let you top him?!"

 

"Yes. Are you mad?"

 

"What? It really happened? Oh my _God_! NIALL! Fucking hell! You need to tell me every last detail ASAP or I will come over and skin you alive! Holy fuck! I'm not mad! But I'm so fucking envious! I've wanted to fuck him since forever---what--just _how_??"

 

"I just... asked him and he was into it," Niall said, a little bashfully. "We did it twice for, like... hours."

 

"That little shit, he would never let me anywhere _near_!" Louis was still incredulous; Harry had never struck him as someone who'd ever let anyone have him like that. Louis wasn't going to lie, he was a bit hurt and disappointed that he didn't get to fuck Harry before anyone else, but at least he could get some dirty detail and that comforted him a bit. "So...how was it? How did you fuck him? Did he whimper? Was he good for you? Did he submit completely?" 

 

"He was wonderful," Niall smiled warmly. "He whines, it's so cute..." He peeked in through the window. "He's still asleep, I could go cuddle him right now... I promised I'd wake him up with my cock up his hole..."

 

Louis groaned. "God...do it...for the both of us," he said and tried to imagine Harry's surprised gasp when Niall pushed inside of him. His whole body tingled. "As soon as you're back, I expect a full, detailed story of everything that happened. And I mean _everything_. Jesus... you're so lucky."

 

Niall smiled a little bit. "Have you gone over the new greenhouse with Zayn yet?"

 

"No. I was thinking of scheduling a meeting at my place tomorrow after school so we can all sit down and discuss everything. Is that alright?"

 

"Yeah. Yeah, that's great. I just--" Niall snorted. "I almost sent Zayn selfies of me and Harry. Just to be vengeful. Stupid, huh?"

 

"Oh, maybe that's not such a good idea. He already knows you're with Harry and he didn't look very happy about it."

 

"I want him less happy," Niall said, admitting to himself that he wanted Zayn hurting as much as he did.

 

"Niall..." Louis sighed softly, "Are you sure you want to hurt him? I mean, you might think you want to right now, but you will probably end up regretting it."

 

"I know," Niall said softly. "It's why I didn't do it." Then he sat up a little bit, checking on Harry again. "But I do have video of me and Harry fucking..."

 

Louis choked on thin air. "I need it," he said immediately. "If you have ever cared about me, Niall Horan, then you'll show it to me."

 

"He'd probably let me make another one... I can set up the camera and record morning sex."

 

Louis' breath quickened up a bit. "Yes. Please and position the camera so it catches his face as you wake him up with your cock."

 

"Ok. I'll go do that right now," Niall sighed. "Um... Let me know how things go with Zayn, alright?"

 

"You'll come to the meeting tomorrow, won't you? We all need to be there."

 

"Well, no... No, I'm in New York til Monday, Louis... Or at least Sunday night. You'll have to do it without me..."

 

Louis sighed. "Niall...it's tomorrow afternoon. Don't you think you'll make it back by then?"

 

Niall sighed. "Well... I--" He didn't want to. He didn't want to see Zayn again, he wanted to stay with Harry in a sex-fueled paradise until they up and died. "Ok," he said, voice melancholy.

 

"I wouldn't make you do this now, I'd postpone it, if it wasn't necessary that we planned out things as fast as possible. That bud is a gold mine. Niall, do you understand that?"

 

"Of course I do, Louis. I'll be there. I'm sure we can be back in time." His heart was heavy at the thought. "I'm going to go screw Harry Styles sloppy now."

 

"Give him a kiss from me," Louis said, grinning. "And hey, everything will be alright, ok?"

 

"Ok, Louis. Love you."

 

"Love you too, beautiful. And I miss you--be safe!"

 

Niall made a kissy noise into the phone before signing off. When he went back inside, he did so very stealthily. He set up the camera to get the best possible view before crawling into bed and waking Harry exactly as he promised.

 

~*~

 

After Harry had had that _lovely_ awakening, he couldn't feel his arse still clenching for more and his usual graceful saunter was now a funny, little limpy walk. No matter how much Harry tried to walk straight, he simply couldn't. "Fucking hell, Niall," he muttered when they got out of the taxi and made their way to the small café where the brunch was to be held. "Everyone can see that I've gotten my ass owned."

 

"Yeah. And you look fucking sexy..." He put an arm around Harry's waist and pulled him close. "We don't have to walk fast or anything..." He kissed Harry's jaw in broad daylight. "Feel good, being sore?"

 

"Only when I remind myself why it's so sore," Harry said with a smirk. They reached the small, café and Harry peeked inside. "Ok. Julia is there," he said, catching sight of the long blonde hair and her pretty smile as she talked with Jeff and Nabila, two other friends of his. "Ready?"

 

"Yeah. I ain't afraid 'a nobody," Niall winked at him, squeezing Harry tightly about the waist. "Introduce me, boo."

 

Harry snorted. "You got to stop saying that," he said as he swung open the door into the small, cozy café. Julia immediately looked up and her eyes brightened up when she saw him, "Harry, there you are, honey! I was worried you wouldn't show up!" she said in her British accent.

 

"He's always late, isn't he," Jeff smirked. Julia stood up and hugged Harry tightly. Harry gave her a kiss on her rosy cheek. "So good to see you're alright, darling," he said smoothly. "I heard you left. It got me a little worried." He turned to Niall and smiled, "I'm sure you've all already heard about Niall. He's my boyfriend."

 

Niall didn't miss a beat. He waved and nodded at them all, feeling fucking confident -- and why shouldn't he be? He'd taken Harry Styles' virginity and the beautiful boy was even limping beside him. "Nice to meet you all."

 

Nabila shook Niall's hand and gave Harry a look as if to say 'this is a joke, right’?

 

Harry just smiled. "Niall, this is Nabila, she model and just scored a deal with Maybelline, I've heard. Congratulations," Harry said and gave Nabila a kiss on the cheek as well. He turned and introduced Niall to the tall man with the unruly hair, "This is Jeff, he hosts at NNC radioshow."

 

Niall 'nice-to-meet-you'd every one of them. He wondered how Harry knew all these grown-ups, but decided he shouldn't be surprised. They sat and ordered and Niall listened cheerfully to the four of them prattle on about their in-business. It was interesting to say the least and Niall was so pleased that they had far better attitudes than those they'd been with last night. The subject of Jason came up and Niall, rosy and amused, got to tell the story of his nasty behavior. All present seemed delighted by his recounting.

 

Julia had been scrutinizing Niall, seizing him up, trying to discover why Harry was hanging out with this sorry charity case and she came up with nothing. "So, Niall, tell us about yourself," she said with a sweet smile that didn't betray her distaste for this boy.

 

Niall felt it. You don't sleep on street benches, live with a crazy mother and lie and cheat through life to not be able to read people within an inch of their life. Her distaste was palpable to him and he faced her head on and said, "Where to start? My dad left when I was 6 because my mom is schizophrenic. My sister was diagnosed as terminal two years ago and has been teetering on the brink of death for the past six months. I pay for her hospital bills by selling weed with my best friend, Zayn. Oh, I have so many wonderful poor person stories I could tell you that would curl that sneer right up your pretty face," he said, calling her out with a somewhat 'I have rich people looking down at me five times an hour' boredom.

 

There was complete silence at the table as Harry's friends stared at Niall as if they were waiting for the punch line; Harry on the other hand burst out laughing. Julia quickly composed herself and looked at Harry. "I understand now," she said, spilling her eyes wide in mock sympathy. "You feel sorry for him, Harry, that's why you're doing this. I've always known you've got a big heart, honey," she said and put a hand on Harry's arm, caressing him lightly. "But don't you think you should just donate some money to whatever charity he's the poster child of?"

 

"Julia, you said you wouldn't do this," Nabila sighed a little harshly. "You said you'd be cool. You're being a bitch."

 

"He's my boyfriend," Harry said patiently. "I'd appreciate it if you showed him respect, Julia. I'm with him, because I love him. Not because I feel sorry for him."

 

Julia's eyes flashed for a moment, but she quickly put on a pretty smile. "Of course you do, dear, of course you do," she said patronizingly.

 

Niall smirked at her -- she was jealous and he was loving it. He took Harry's hand and turned to Jeff, easily striking up a conversation about music. Luckily, Jeff seemed to be awfully interested about what kids 'on the street' were listening to these days.

 

After a few minutes of pleasant chatter, Harry excused himself to the bathroom. "If you'll excuse me. I need to go to the gents," he said and got to his feet. "Do me a favor, Julia and be nice while I'm gone," he said and leaned down, kissing Niall on the cheek before walking off, limping slightly.

 

When he emerged from the bathroom, Nabila was there, looking a little unhappy. She grabbed his arm. "Harry -- I have to apologize for Julia. I'm sorry, she promised she wouldn't make anything ugly. But we heard that you'd -- you know, that you had someone you were actually calling your boyfriend and she..." Nablia shrugged, at a loss for words. "I should've known better to have brought her. I should've cancelled. I'm sorry."

 

"It's alright," Harry said, "I already warned Niall and he's not easily intimidated." There were traces of pride in his smile. "He's going to be alright."

 

Nabila smiled at him. "Harry -- what _happened_? I mean, you know what I'm asking, right? Harry Styles, in love? What _happened_?"

 

Harry smirked. "I guess it just _did_ ," he said and let out a deep breath. "He just...he's just so... _perfect_. I don't know, I tried to fight it, but then I found out it was to no use and I let it happen."

 

"He loves you too," she said, putting her hand on his arm and squeezing. "I can tell by the way he looks at you -- he'll take good care of you, Harry. You chose well."

 

Harry was a bit surprised, but he couldn't wait to tell Niall that they had done well; they were getting better at pretending. "Thank you, darling," Harry said and kissed Nabila's cheek. "Shall we get back?"

 

She nodded, smiling at him. "Happy for you, Harry. Really happy. Don't break up."

 

Harry felt a twinge at guilt at lying so blatantly up in her face and he suddenly felt the depth of their deception. He hoped she would forgive him once she found out the truth. "We won’t. Hopefully,” he said, smiling warmly.

 

~*~

 

Niall sat in the back of the black SUV and leaned into Harry's shoulder. He was sad. The weekend had been paradise. The pretend relationship had been paradise. The real sex had been paradise. He held Harry's hand in his lap and sighed.

 

Harry stroked his thumb over Niall's hand and kissed the top of his head. "Back to old Jersey and reality, huh?" he said lightly, like he wasn't in somewhat the same state as Niall. His one week getaway had been exactly what he needed, but he still didn't feel ready to go home. Though he was well aware he had to face his father sooner than later.   


Niall looked up at him and smiled. "I have to face Zayn in 2 hours..." He didn't mention that he'd sent Louis both of their sex tapes. But he trusted his new best friend wouldn't show anyone.

 

"And what did I teach you to do once you see him?" Harry asked and looked at Niall inquiringly.

 

Niall took a deep breath. "Pretend I've forgotten all about him, I'm perfectly happy and in love with someone new?"

 

Harry smirked a bit. "Yeah, that'll work. Just don't let him see how much he's gotten to you."

 

Niall took a steadying breath. "And you don't mind? The lying to people, I mean? I mean ... Things got kind of intense with your friends in New York... I can only imagine how your Jersey friends will react."

 

Harry tilted his face a little and pretended he was giving it some thought. He shrugged. "It was fun, wasn't it?"

 

Niall smiled, but he didn't want it to get too big; that would be inconsiderate. "Well, yeah. But it made a mess of things. Everyone's probably gossiping..."

 

"So let them," Harry said easily. "I'll tell them the truth soon enough. Or maybe I'll pretend you broke my heart so they can come after you and burn you the first chance they get."

 

"Oh, Jesus, don't do that!" Niall laughed, pinching his thigh. "You won't -- There's no chance this'll get to your dad, will it?"

 

"He wouldn't care," Harry said with a shrug.

 

Niall suddenly became nervous. "But... No one will tell him, right? I still want to work for him.. someday," he added.

 

Harry turned to look at Niall. He was still waiting for his father to call the boy, but obviously he hadn't. Harry had no shadow of doubt that he would though. Harry smiled and stroked through Niall's hair once. "No. No one will tell him. Don't worry."

 

Niall smiled a little. Then he nuzzled into Harry's neck. He kissed his ear and muttered, "Let me blow you one last time..."

 

Well. Harry could never say no to that and he turned to kiss Niall on the lips. "I have something better in mind," he muttered, nibbling Niall's bottom lip. He leaned in close to nuzzle Niall's ear, "Have you ever had sex in a car?"

 

"Like..." Niall's eyes flashed to the driver. There was a divider between them, but all he’d have to do would be to look back and he'd see everything. "Full on fucking?"

 

Harry smirked against the skin of Niall's neck, sucking gently on the sensitive skin there. "Full on fucking," he confirmed, peeking up at Niall with a sinful look. "Want to fuck me right here, right now?"

 

Niall was panting already and his dick was straining in his pants. "Yes." He kissed Harry hard pushing him back in the seat and struggled to get both of their pants off as quickly as possible. He was too impatient to worry about their shoes, so they were in an awkward position, pants locking their ankles together. "Like this," he said, rolling Harry onto his side and pulling his hips back. Damn, his butt was so cute. "Find lube," he pointed to Harry's travel bag, then he ducked down and started lapping at Harry's hole, their position making Harry tight as a virgin again.

 

Harry bit down his lip to hold back a moan and reached for his travelling bag, rooting through it and retrieving the lube. "Here," he said, breath heavy. Fucking in public and especially in moving vehicles was definitely his favorite kind of sex. His cock agreed with him, throbbing at Niall's ministrations.

 

Using enough lube to ensure Harry would love it, Niall started working his fingers inside him. He kissed his jaw as he opened him and panted, "You addicted to cock, now? You only gonna be satisfied with a rock hard dick plunging into your asshole?"

 

Harry groaned, tightening his hole around Niall's fingers in response. "I'm afraid I might be," he said with a devilish grin and kissed Niall wetly. "And since it's your fault, it's your responsibility."

 

"I will fuck you anytime, anywhere," Niall growled into the kiss, pushing up inside him and feeling Harry go helpless with pleasure in his arms. He pulled him back against his chest and started pushing up into his tight hole, stroking over his thighs and pressing kisses into his panting lips.

 

"Oh yes," Harry gasped wantonly and pushed back against the cock inside of him, rolling his hips. He trembled in Niall's arms, moaning into his ear, "You're so good, love, only getting better," he purred.

 

With Harry on his left side like this, his prostate was easy to find. He stroked Harry's nipples through his shirt and nailed that tight bundle of nerves as hard as he could. "I'm gonna fill you up so full, kitten," he babbled in lust. "I want you wet and sore for days, til I can have you again. I want you moaning for my cock until I'm driving it in you..."

 

Harry whined as soon as his prostate was struck, grabbing for Niall's shoulders, and clutching them for purchase. "Yes, yes," he panted. "You can have me anytime, fuck, my ass is yours." He reached for his neglected cock, letting out a small whimper as he touched the heated flesh.

 

Niall batted his hand away. He liked making Harry come by prostate stimulation alone, but he wanted Harry to never, ever forget this. "Just me," he panted in Harry's ear. "Only I get your ass. Say it... Say it and I'll jerk you off while I fuck you."

 

Harry's brain was scrambled be lust and he wanted a hand on his dick so badly, so he gasped an agreement. "Only you. Only your cock," and with that he kissed Niall savagely.

 

Niall reached down and started tugging on Harry's dick fiercely, in time with his thrusts to his prostate. Niall was so close himself, but he gasped in Harry's ear. "You close, baby? Come with me... C'mon, come with me--"

 

That wasn't a request hard to fulfill. Niall had barely gotten in a few strokes before Harry was coming hard, moaning loudly.

 

Niall was right behind him, filling him as promised, their flesh slapping together hard on his last few strokes. He panted into Harry's neck, but he didn't pull out right away. God, he wanted Harry to swear again, while sane, that only Niall could have his ass.

 

Harry threw his head back against the leather seat and tried to catch his breath. Once he could breathe normally, he looked up at Niall with a sated smile. "We're back in less than 30m," he said, glancing at his watch. "Reach for the tissues in my bag and clean this mess up a little, love."

 

Niall didn't want to. He nuzzled into Harry's neck and kissed him there. "You're going to be a mess for a while." He couldn't stop stroking Harry's tummy.

 

Harry kissed Niall's cute little nose. "And who's to blame for that," he said with a lazy smile.

 

Niall smiled at him adoringly. "Are we still going to do this...? Are we going to keep sleeping together?"

 

Harry stroked down Niall's cheek. "What do you think?" he asked with a cocked brow.

 

Niall sighed. "I don't know... I don't know... Can we leave it open ended?"

 

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Harry asked curiously and stroked through Niall's blonde locks.

 

"Not decide right now...? Play it by ear?" He pulled gently from Harry's body and got the tissues to do what cleanup he could. "I mean, I couldn't possibly tell you never again after you just promised your ass was my sole property..." He smirked at him.

 

"You can't say no to me when I'm offering you sex," Harry said and smirked back. "If you did, I'd just have to find someone else; now, you wouldn't want that, would you?"

 

Niall's smile faded when he realized the answer: "No," he said rather firmly. When he kissed Harry, there was a fierceness to it that wasn't there before.

 

"Are you getting possessive of me, love?" Harry asked teasingly.

 

"No. I know that would scare you away," Niall smirked, considerately redressing him. "I just don't want you disappointed by some dumb power-top who doesn't know what to do with you."

 

Harry snorted. He sat up and buttoned his pants, flipping his curls out of his eyes. He gave Niall a bit of a smirk as he said, "I'm usually good at picking my sex partners; but you have a point: I've never had to find someone who can top me."

 

"Don't. Come to me," Niall said, pulling on his lapels and kissing him softly.

 

Harry kissed back and let it linger. The truth was, he had already decided that there was no reason to find someone else as long as Niall was there to fulfill his needs; and he did it so well. Besides, it would be so troublesome to find someone he felt as comfortable with. "Ok," he said in a voice barely above a whisper, he lifted his gaze and looked into Niall's eyes, "All yours."

 

Niall smiled at him, stroking down his cheek. He kissed Harry's lips softly and felt the car start to slow, which meant their fairy tale weekend was at an end.

 

Harry glanced out of the window and saw that they were close to Louis' apartment. He turned to Niall and cupped his cheeks, looking him deeply in the eyes. "You're going to be alright," he said confidently before leaning in and giving him a deep, lingering kiss.

 

Niall folded his arms around Harry's neck, holding him close and kissing him back. "Thank you for everything Harry..." He nuzzled him, not wanting to ever let go, but when the driver opened the back door, Niall got embarrassed and slunk away. "Bye..."

 

~*~

 

Louis had prepared everything for the meeting and was just waiting for Niall and Zayn to arrive. When there was a knock on the door, he rushed over, flinging it open. His whole face brightened when he saw Niall and he pulled the boy in for a hug. "Look at you. You actually look better than the last time I saw you."

 

"Yeah?" Niall liked the sound of that. "Thanks! Coming back was hard. It's good to see your face."

 

Louis smirked. "I can imagine," he said and lead Niall inside. "It must be all the Harry Styles sex." 

 

Niall blushed, but he smiled. "Did I tell you? We're pretending to be a couple. We went and told all his New York friends and it was a proper shit storm."

 

Louis' mouth fell open. "Fuck, seriously? Why?" He pulled Niall down on the couch and poured him a cup of tea. "Don't tell me you're doing it to make Zayn jealous."

 

Niall chewed on his lips, a little ashamed. "Just for a little bit."

 

"Oh, baby," Louis said with a soft sigh and hugged Niall. "And Harry agreed to this out of the kindness of his heart?"

 

"I still have no idea why he agreed to it. It could be he just likes being vicious."

 

"That's so unlike Haz," Louis said with a raised brow, wondering what Harry was trying to get out of it; he'd obviously already slept with Niall so it couldn't be sex.

 

"What do you think it is?" Niall asked curiously. "I've asked him a hundred times and he's always snarky."

 

Louis gave it some thought. "I don't know, maybe he just likes you. Or maybe you just fucked him so good that he'll do anything to get more." 

 

Niall grinned. "Did you watch the videos?"

 

Louis groaned a bit. "I've masturbated about three times to it, my dick is sore. But it was worth it," Louis grinned. "I loved every fucking second of it."

 

"God, he so fucking gorgeous, he... He trembles, like actually--" The doorbell cut Niall off mid-sentence and Louis looked up. "He's here," he glanced at his watch, "and late at that. I'm going to let him in; you alright?"

 

"I'll be fine," Niall gave him a weak smile, trying to keep Harry's trembling in mind to fortify himself.

 

Louis gave Niall a small squeeze before getting to his feet and walking to the door. He swung open the door and looked at Zayn who was standing there with a bored expression. "You came! And late, come in, Niall is already here." Louis studied his expression at the mentioning of Niall and saw Zayn's eyes flash with something. Zayn gave him a curt nod and walked inside. Zayn had looked forward to seeing Niall, worried that that curly-haired shit had taken advantage of him. He walked into the living room, closely followed by Louis.

 

Niall managed to look at Zayn head-on and in that instant, something shifted. Perhaps it was his anger or his perception that Zayn just didn't give a shit about him that made everything soupy and infirm inside Niall turn solid. In fact, instead of pretending he felt great -- he actually felt kind of great. He felt really great. He'd just spent the weekend fucking the unattainable, stunningly beautiful Harry Styles and telling all his rich friends where to shove it. And now he was about to embark on a wonderful business venture that was guaranteed success. "Hey, Zayn!" he smiled, extending a hand for a business-like shake, but warmly.

 

Zayn was taken aback by that. He hadn't expected Niall to even look him in the eye much less initiate any kind of physical contact. It took him a moment where he stared dumbly at Niall's hand, before he took it awkwardly. "Hi," he said, smiling; Niall was alright and maybe things were heading back to how they used to be. "How are you?"

 

"Great. Let's get down to it." Niall immediately turned to Louis, who he knew had an entire presentation on his laptop. For most of the presentation, it was clear that Niall was into it. He was full of life and his capability to handle his role in the company was obvious. He paid little attention to Zayn, although always offered him room for his opinion.

 

Zayn was puzzled and a bit thrown by Niall. He'd expected for Harry to do something terrible, had been ready to be there for Niall, but it seemed that the complete opposite had happened. He was thrown by how he felt like Niall felt so far away even though he was so close. He decided to talk to him after this meeting was concluded.

 

"So," Louis said, as he shifted through folders on his computer to move on to his next point of interest. He wanted to open the inventory program and show them how to use it, but he accidently clicked on the wrong file. A video popped up and when he realized what it was, it was too late.

 

It was Harry's beautiful face, mouth open in a luscious pant as Niall braced himself atop him, both of them sweaty, rocking together and giving off slutty moans. Niall felt himself flush all over, aroused at the sight of it, but mostly embarrassed for Louis. He couldn't stop chortling. "Louis..." he laughed softly. "Jesus..." Apparently he hadn't been lying about how frequently he'd been getting off to it.

 

Zayn felt like the air had been sucked out of his lungs, his skin going chalk-white as he saw Niall and Harry having sex. When Louis slammed the laptop closed with an embarrassed squeak, he was still staring at the laptop, unable to believe what his eyes had just seen. "Oh my God," he whispered, shocked.

 

"Uhh, sorry," Niall apologized on Louis' behalf. Then he just burst out with a shower of laughter. "Sorry, sorry. Just weekend footage. Can we, uh... Can we move on?" He looked over at Zayn and saw the expression on his face. "You ok?"

 

Once Zayn come over his initial shock, he turned to stare at Niall, "Have you lost your fucking mind?" 

 

"What?" That startled Niall.

 

"What?" Zayn repeated incredulous and he could feel himself getting angry; which he wasn't intending at all. "Niall, what the fuck--his father--" He stopped himself for a moment when he remembered Louis was there but then he remembered that Louis already knew. He leaned into Niall to whisper fiercely, "His father--what happens when he finds out?"

 

Niall swallowed, feeling himself getting angry... probably because he wanted Zayn angry for different reasons. "His father isn't going to find out! No one talks to him about Harry, Zayn! I would know, remember?"

 

"You would know? How the fuck would you know? Didn't you tell me his father is obsessed with him?!"

 

Niall groaned. "He doesn't know what goes on in Harry's -- Zayn, mind your own business!"

 

Zayn looked like he'd been slapped. "You're risking your little sister's life to sleep with that toff?!" Zayn said, eyes flashing. He rarely got angry with Niall, but right now, he wanted to slap some sense in him. "I thought you didn't even like him!"

 

"It's none of your damn business!" Niall barked at him. This wasn't how he envisioned this going. "He isn't going to find out, goddamn it! That's not a fucking issue!"

 

Zayn stared at him for a moment but then the image of Niall heaving above Harry flashed before his inner eyes and he looked down, jaw clenching tightly. "Of course it's none of my business," he said with a scoff. "After all, you've pushed me out of your life and replaced it with the likes of Harry fucking Styles." He sounded bitter and jealous, but he was too angry to care.

 

"Ok, why don't we all calm down a little?" Louis, who'd watched wide-eyed, spoke up with a nervous laugh. "Let's continue?"

 

"I'm fucking him, Zayn, he's my lover! How the fuck is that replacing you?"

 

Zayn's gaze snapped up to Niall at that. "He's your _lover_?" he repeated, chest tightening. "You've...you've _got_ to be kidding me." 

 

"Why do you _care_?" Niall snapped. "You know, Zayn, I really think you just want me to be the repressed, miserable, self-loathing gay boy I was."

 

"That's not true," Zayn said through gritted teeth. "I care because, I don't know, maybe we were best friends once not so long ago? He's not...he's not good for you, alright?!"

 

Niall just shook his head. "Yeah, because you always date such perfect winners. Face it, Zayn, you just hate proof that I'm gay."

 

"Stop making me out like I'm a freaking homophobe!" Zayn snapped.

 

"Sorry, it's not you, it's just your family. My mistake."

 

Zayn's eyes flashed and he knew he needed some air before he said something he couldn't take back. He got to his feet and turned to Louis. "We can take a break," he said, voice tense. "I need a smoke." Before Louis could reply, he turned on his heels and walked out.

 

There was silence for a few minutes. Niall only broke it to say, "That last one was a bit harsh."

 

"Jesus," Louis breathed and winced when the door was slammed shut. "I'm so sorry. Fuck, everything was going so well." 

 

"He would've found out sooner or later," Niall said softly. "I just... I was hoping not so graphically."

 

Louis let out a sigh. "I'm sorry," he repeated, looking sheepish and guilty. "It was the last thing I'd been watching and..." He shook his head. "Do you think he left entirely?"

 

Niall looked at the door. "He might have. I say give him a bit."

 

"Well, at least we got the most important things down."

 

"Yep -- everything but the working relationship."

 

"You two need a way to make it work," Louis said and looked up at Niall. "Go and see if he's still there. "

 

Niall looked at the clock. "I'll give him ten more minutes." Then he reached out and took Louis' hand because, as cool as he was playing this, fighting with Zayn was scaring the hell out of him.

 

Louis smiled and comfortingly stroked over Niall's hand. "He got really mad, huh? I guess we shouldn't have expected less. "

 

"I did," Niall scoffed softly. "I really... really didn't think he would care."

 

"Well, I guess you got the reaction you wanted," Louis said, recalling Zayn's expression when Niall told him Harry and he were lovers.

 

"No. He doesn't care about who I love. He thinks I'm acting without regard for Amy."

 

"Are you sure? I mean he must know that you wouldn't put her life in jeopardy. It definitely didn't look like he was okay that you were with another guy."

 

Niall shook his head. "I don't know what it is... I really have no idea what's going on with him." He sighed. "It does make me want to run crying to Harry, though," he scoffed.

 

Louis looked at Niall surprised. "For sex or comfort?”

 

"Both. He's -- surprisingly, he's also very good at the comfort," he smirked a little bit.

 

Louis snorted. "Oh wow, that's a first," he smirked. "You spend less than 48 hours with him and he's already got you right where he wants you. Didn't I warn you about Harry Styles' ways?" Louis shook his head and smiled. "But I'll give it to him. Whatever he did, it worked. "

 

"Wh--! I'm not in _love_ with him, Louis!" Niall scoffed. "Jesus, I'm not ... I'm not..." He sighed. "I'm not even capable of that. He's just the perfect rebound."

 

Louis scrutinized Niall for a moment. "I hope neither of you get hurt doing this," he said with a soft sigh.

 

"Don't -- Louis, don't make it weird. Neither of us are in love with the other one. I'm just rebounding and he's -- He's Harry. We both know what we're doing." He looked at the clock; it had been fifteen minutes. "I guess I'd better go, huh?"

 

Louis wanted to tell Niall that even though Harry was, well, who he was, he was still human and very capable of falling in love, even though he was so vehemently against the idea; but he didn't want to make anything weird either. He nodded and gave Niall an encouraging pat. "Try to be good friends again. This business isn't going to function if you two aren't."

 

Niall nodded, sighing like a dragon through his nose. He went onto Louis' front lawn, looking for Zayn, sniffing the air to smell his cigarettes.

 

Zayn was on the phone, a lit cigarette between his fingers, a worried frown between his dark brows. His mom had just called with bad news of his grandfather. He looked up when he saw Niall. "Ok mama, I'll be home in a few.” He said goodbye and hung up.

 

"Sorry," Niall said softly. "I didn't mean to interrupt. Everything alright?"

 

Zayn gave Niall a curt look. "I have to go," he muttered and threw the half-finished cigarette on the pavement, stomping on it. "Tell Louis that we'll have to continue another day."

 

"Is it your granddad?" Niall called.

 

"Do you care?" Zayn muttered as he turned to walk away. "After all, it's just my homophobic family."

 

Niall wanted to snap at him that they were homophobic. They were horribly homophobic. "Zayn. Call me. Please," he said, and it was all he could do. "We have to talk..."

 

"I don't think we have more to talk about," Zayn said without turning back.

 

~*~

 

Liam was knocking on the Malik door at nine pm. He knew something was wrong, but he didn't know what and the family car wasn't in the driveway.

 

It was Zayn who flung open the door looking distressed. He was surprised to see Liam there. "Liam? What are you doing here? "

 

"The texts you sent me... You sounded... not ok. I thought I’d come see for myself..."

 

"Oh," Zayn said as if he'd forgotten all about them, which he kind of had considering the news he'd reviewed just an hour ago. "Come in," he said and made room for Liam to enter. His little sister came running from the living room and when she saw it was Liam she gave him a shy little wink before returning to the TV she'd been watching.

 

Liam smiled at her and followed Zayn into his room. "What happened?"

 

Zayn ran a hand through his hair and flopped heavily down on the bed. "It's my grandpa," he said, voice weak. "He...He has been sick, only getting worse the past week. He tripped down the stairs and...hit his head really badly...he's. ..he's in coma and it looks bad, Liam...Oh God... it looks really, really bad." Zayn sucked in a shaky breath and buried his face in his hands, sending out yet another prayer, begging that he'd wake up, that he'd be alright, that Zayn would get a last chance to talk to him.

 

Liam took Zayn in his capable arms, holding him tightly. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital?"

 

Zayn buried his face in Liam's shoulder, feeling the tears press against his closed lids. "I can't," he croaked. "The rest of my family is there and I'm supposed to babysit Safaa. ..she has no idea."

 

"Then why don't I stay and babysit Safaa and you go to the hospital. Your parents would trust her with me, right? You know how much she loves torturing me with her TV shows."

 

Zayn snuffled a bit, stubbornly pulling back the tears, refusing them to fall; he needed to be stronger than that. He lifted his face and shook it. "Thank you, Liam. Yeah, that’d be… I just need to put Safaa to sleep. It’s way past her bedtime. "

 

Zayn pulled out of Liam's arms, quickly composing himself and leaving to tend to his sister. Once he'd put her to bed, he returned to his room. He took a deep breath. "She's asleep," he said, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "...Guess I should go now.”

 

"Yeah," Liam said, bracing his shoulder. "Do you need to take my car?"

 

"Yeah but...I might not make it back before very late and we have school tomorrow,” Zayn said, knowing how serious Liam took his attendance. "I'll take the bus."

 

"Take it," Liam said, putting the keys in his palm. "Safaa and I can take a cab tomorrow. She'll get a real thrill out of it."

 

Zayn smiled. "Thanks—really, thank you," he said and grabbed his leather jacket and beanie, pulling them on. "I owe you one." He gave Liam a quick hug before rushing out.

 

~*~

 

When Niall came in, he didn't look like he'd make it through the door. It was a miracle that he made it to the kitchen, but when he tried to pour himself a glass of water, the glass slipped through his hand and clattered into the sink.

 

Harry, who'd been left in alone in Louis apartment after Louis had left because his mother needed some help or another, walked into kitchen, smirking when he saw Niall though the smirk quickly fell when he saw his expression. "What's wrong? You look like a disaster."

 

"Where's Louis?" Niall choked. He was grateful to not be alone, but he needed a higher grade of comfort than Harry could offer. "I need Louis, where is he?" He pulled his phone out with trembling fingers and struggled to type with it.

 

"He's probably in the middle of one of his mother's ridiculous 'crisis'. He won't take the phone," Harry said and watched Niall fumble with the phone. He calmly walked up and closed a steadying hand around his wrist, forcing him to look at him. "Tell me what happened."

 

Niall was several shades paler and he looked like a ghost. "My-- My sister, she went into a coma today..." He winced in agony at the words from his mouth. The person he wanted -- really wanted with him more than all the rest, was Zayn. He had texted Zayn a few hours ago saying, 'How's your grandfather?' but heard no reply.

 

Harry eyes widened. "Oh...I’m so sorry," he said in a lack of better; what else could he really say? He took the glass Niall had dropped and filled it with water, handing it to Niall. 

 

"Thank you," Niall said a little weakly. "I went home -- mom wasn't there. I mean, I suppose that's for the best. I don't know what... what she would've..." He took a deep breath. "It's not good, Harry. Once they go into a coma it’s... It's not good."

 

Harry grabbed Niall's shoulders and gently guided him to the living room, sitting him down on the soft couch. He dropped down next to him and rubbed his shoulder. He wanted to say everything was going to be alright, but it obviously didn't look like it. Instead he found himself asking, "Niall, don't you any have extended family at all? An aunt? A grandmother?"

 

"Well... My dad's... My dad's side of the family sided with him and won't have anything to do with us and my mom... She alienated all of her siblings and her mother disowned her, so..." He shrugged helplessly. "There's nothing they could do now, anyway. There's nothing anyone can do..." He folded over himself and just hugged his knees.

 

"Oh, love," Harry muttered and reached over, pulling Niall up and into his arms, hugging him tightly against him. "There's still a chance that she'll wake up," Harry said, sounding more confident than he felt. He kissed Niall's temple, "There's still hope."

 

Niall was a limp doll in his arms. He didn't have much hope. His sister had already outlived her best forecast. "You know the last thing she said to me? She wanted to be a flower girl at Zayn and mine's wedding. I didn't have the heart to tell her what happened..."

 

"I'm so sorry, love," Harry said and just tucked Niall tighter under his chin. "Do you want me to fix up a bath for you? A cup of tea? Tell me what to do and I'll do it."

 

"I want Zayn." It came out broken. "He didn't even text me back..."

 

Harry's jaw clenched a bit and he felt slightly bothered; he would never understand why Niall was so blindly obsessed with that guy. Harry was right there after all. "Louis told me about today," Harry said. "I don't remember giving you permission to distribute our sex video."

 

Niall just wilted more. "Sorry." It was all he could manage right now.

 

"I'm just kidding," Harry said with a soft sigh. "I knew Louis was going to see it sooner or later. I don't really care." He stroked down Niall's back. "You sure you don't want a nice, warm bath?"

 

Niall sighed and was quiet for so long, one might believe he'd fallen asleep. Then, a soft sound came out: "Ok."

 

Harry nodded. "I'll go prepare it for you," he said and released Niall, walking upstairs to Louis' bathroom.

 

"Thank you, Harry," Niall said sincerely. He sat quietly, just staring straight ahead at the TV for several minutes. Then he pulled out his phone and texted Zayn, "Amy went into a coma this morning."

 

It took about two minutes before his phone was ringing, Zayn's caller-ID flashing on the screen.

 

Niall answered. "Hi," he said softly.

 

There was a beat of silence, then, "Niall...I'm so sorry, babe," Zayn's voice sounded strained and distressed, "...this is the worst day ever…my grandpa slipped into a coma as well."

 

Niall sighed. "I figured, yesterday..." He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Zayn, I'm sorry for so much..."

 

Zayn breathed out deeply and was silent for a few moments. "I'm at the hospital,"  he said slowly. "...and I just feel like I'm suffocating. Can we meet at our usual spot? In the park by the swings?"

 

He heard Harry upstairs making the bath. "Yeah. I'll take a bath first and meet you there in an hour?"

 

"Yeah," Zayn said. "See you then." He hung up and just a few minutes later Harry appeared by the stairs and said, "Your bath is ready, love."

 

Niall smiled at him and rose. He took Harry's face in his hands and softly kissed his lips. "You've been so wonderful to me... Thank you."

 

Harry just looked into his eyes for a few moments, "I guess you just bring out a side of me I didn't think I had," he smiled dimply and before Niall could react, he ushered him into the bathroom. "Take your time. Try to relax."

 

Niall carefully got undressed. "Want to join me? Not for... y'know, not for sex or anything. It's just a nice bath..."

 

Harry wasn't going to turn down that offer. He slowly peeled off his clothes until he was completely bare and then he took Niall's hand. "After you," he said with a smirk and gestured towards the bath.

 

Niall sunk into the suds and reached for Harry's hand. Once Harry was seated in the water with him, he stroked over his beautiful frame, just petting him, holding him close.

 

Harry settled into the touches with a content sigh and tilted his face to kiss along Niall's jawline. There was quiet for a small while; a comfortable, soothing silence. Harry broke it, saying, "We should go away for a bit again...ever been to LA?"

 

Niall kissed his forehead. "I should stay -- work on the business with Louis and Zayn." He felt a hollow in his chest at the thought that shortly he would only have to be earning money for one. At least he could stop sleeping with Styles Sr.

 

Harry shifted a bit and nibbled gently on Niall's neck. "It could be just for a weekend," he said with a slow drawl, the warm water making him drowsy. "...actually, there's a school break coming up. Louis and I have talked about going London...or Amsterdam. We haven't decided yet. You could come."

 

"I don't think Louis would want me honing in on your little vacation, Harry," Niall smiled at him. "But thank you."

 

Harry snorted. "There's enough of me for the both of you," he smirked and winked cheekily. 

 

"He's probably looking forward to it. I can't ruin it for him, Harry, not after all he's done for me." He took Harry's soapy hand to his mouth and kissed all his knuckles.

 

Harry ran a finger across Niall's bottom lip, leaving a trail of soap on the soft, pink skin. He leaned in and kissed it away, cupping the back of Niall's neck for a moment. "I'm not going to force you," he said when he pulled away and looked at Niall through his lashes. "I just think you need to get away for a small while."

 

Niall sighed heavily. "Harry... My sister may die in the next few days. I can't really think beyond that."

 

"You're right...sorry," Harry said and kissed Niall's cheek. "...I can't imagine what it must be like."

 

Niall squeezed him tight around the ribs and put his head on Harry's shoulder. "Zayn called. His grandfather is in a coma. It isn't looking good for him, either."

 

"Unfortunate," Harry said, blinking slowly. "I hope I get to meet her."

 

“I lie to her a lot, Harry," Niall said softly. "I told her I work at a zoo, that things are great between Zayn and I -- I tell her anything I can think of to make her happy..." He sighed heavily. "I don't know if I made the right choice."

 

Harry was silent for a small moment and he was on the edge of asking where it was Niall worked but he didn't want to distress him more than he already was. "You did it to protect her," he said quietly. "You did what you thought was the right thing."

 

"I don’t know Harry… We’ll have to see. I don’t want to have to make up a lie for you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to reach us:
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	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Just a quick heads up that I'm going on a brief hiatus as I attend summer school, but I'll be back ASAP with more chapters!
> 
> There is also top!Niall in this one. I understand some of you don't find that favorable, but please refrain from commenting about it, as it isn't constructive. Thank you.

Niall arrived at the park, his hair still wet and smelling sweetly. He was in some of his own clothes that he'd managed to collect when he'd seen his mother was gone. He sat on one of the swings, hunched over on himself.

 

Zayn arrived ten minutes later and he smelled of mix of new-washed clothes and cigarette smoke. He'd pulled a snapback over his soft, product-free hair. He silently walked over when he saw Niall and took a seat on the other swing. He stared up at the clear night sky, watched the full moon in all its ethereal glory. "Hey..." he said after a few moments, gaze still tilted towards the sky.

 

"Hi." Niall didn't really have anything to say. There was nothing to say. He just sat there, more settled since Zayn was here. It felt like an eternity, just sitting there with him.

 

Zayn began softly swinging, kicking his feet off the ground and he smiled a little. "Remember when we met here all those years ago?" Zayn's smile widened a bit as he recalled the memory. "We were here with our moms? I wanted to swing but this stupid kid threw me to the ground and hissed racial slurs at me. Then you came out of nowhere and defended me. You went up against him even though he was twice your size..." Zayn chuckled a bit, eyes sad. He suddenly felt like crying. "...I don't know why I'm talking about this...I just..." He bit down his lip for a moment, "...I miss you so, so much…"

 

Niall didn't say anything. He didn't feel like he could without mentioning the depth of his hurt. "I miss you, too," he said eventually. That was all he could bring himself to say.

 

Zayn's jaw clenched as he swallowed deeply. He knew that nothing was ever going to be the way it used to be; and while he realized that, he was struggling to accept it. He didn't know what more he could say, so he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering Niall one.

 

Niall took it, accepted the lighter and gave it back after it was lit. "Thanks."

 

Zayn nodded and lit his own cigarette. He sucked in deep, imagining the smoke curling in his lungs, leaving a trail of poison. He sighed and rubbed his temple. "You never realize what you have before you lose it, huh?" he wasn't sure if he was talking more to himself than he was to Niall.

 

"What have you lost?"

 

Zayn breathed out the poisonous smoke. "My grandpa..." he sucked on the cigarette, "...You."

 

There was a long silence. Niall wanted so badly to tell Zayn it was his own fault he lost Niall, for choosing to kowtow to his family's homophobia instead of just loving him. Christ, he felt dehumanized. All he said was, "I'm still your friend."

 

Zayn didn't reply for a while, just finished his cigarette and automatically lit another one. "Yeah," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Sure..."

 

"You know," Niall said evenly, "you know all those times when I defended you... since we met here. All the times I stood up for you because someone was saying some racist shit or dogging you about your religion--? Well... I did that because I love you, obviously. Obviously, I love you, like family. But I think part of me thought... I knew that one day I was going to have to ask you to return the favor." The 'and you didn't' was left unspoken.

 

Zayn was silent for a long while. "It's not the same," he replied calmly. "You have to understand that it isn't the same."

 

"It's exactly the same," Niall said, a razor edge coming into his voice. "The first time my mother ever hit me was over you. I never told you that..." He winced, feeling shame. "I promised myself I'd never tell you that."

 

Zayn looked up wide-eyed and stared at Niall for a moment, speechless. "But..." Zayn tried to recall the first time Niall's mother struck him, "....that was so long ago." He hadn't thought Niall had been harboring feelings for him that long.

 

Niall sniffed, wondering why Zayn was looking so thunder struck. "What? Why are you so surprised? You had to know she was racist." His mother had hid it surprisingly well, before she lost her mind.

 

"Oh...no, I just thought..." He shook his head and muttered 'never mind'. "...Yeah, of course I knew she was racist." He'd seen the carefully camouflaged disdainful look to recognize it from miles away.

 

"So how is it not the same?" Niall asked, although deep in his gut he feared the answer

 

Zayn bit down the inside of his cheek and just shook his head, looking away. "It's..." He paused for a moment, "...Niall, I can't." He muttered, closing his eyes for a moment. "...My dad is on the brink of losing his father...I can't upset him more than he already is. I can't upset my family more than they already are."

 

Niall shook his head. That was a weak excuse. Zayn wasn't going to tell them before his grandfather fell ill, anyway. "Ok. Right. Fine," he said, rising. "I'm going back. Harry's waiting for me."

 

Zayn's gaze snapped towards Niall. "Wait," he blurted before he could stop himself and he nearly grabbed Niall but caught himself. 

 

Niall stopped, but couldn't look at him. "What."

 

Zayn stared at Niall's back for a long moment. He wanted to ask him to stay, he wanted to ask Niall if they could back to his and curl up in his bed as they used to; he wanted to tell him that he didn't want him to go back with Harry. Instead, his mouth opened and closed repeatedly. His mouth snapped shut and he shoved his hands deep in his pockets. "...be safe," he said quietly.

 

If Niall was honest with himself, it was that he had come here with the hope that the evening would end with the two of them curled in bed as they had done when they were children -- as they had done the first night Amy had gone into the hospital. But Zayn left him feeling so cold, he had no other choice but to just start walking again.

 

Zayn watched Niall walk away and a certain kind of desperation--longing even-- tightened around his heart in a painful squeeze. "...Don't go," he said, surprisingly loud and clear. "Niall...don't go. Please."

 

"Why?" Niall asked, wheezing, clearly feeling the same pain.

 

"Because I want you to stay," Zayn said and walked a few, cautious steps forward. He wanted to touch Niall, hug him, curl around him, cry with him, but he didn't feel like he was allowed any longer. "...Stay."

 

Niall felt a steel spike down his throat. "Will you come see Amy? Before she dies?"

 

Zayn's throat tightened a little. "...Of course I will," he whispered.

 

Niall took a deep breath. "She thinks we're getting married. I lied to her to make her happy."

 

Zayn didn't say anything for a moment. "She's a sweet kid."

 

"I just want her to be happy," Niall said softly. He reached back and took hold of Zayn's hand, giving him a soft squeeze, but couldn't meet his eyes. "I hope your granddad pulls through."

 

Zayn gently touched his cheek with the back of his hand. "I pray they both pull through."

 

Niall winced when Zayn touched his cheek, but he didn't back away. "Yeah," he said. "I'd better go..." 'Harry is waiting' lingered, but he didn't say it.

 

"Do you want to go back to your place?" Zayn asked, hopeful. He needed his best friend. He needed Niall. 

 

That confused Niall a bit. "What do you want?" he asked, sounding straightforward and tired, but gentle and accommodating.

 

"I just...I just need my best friend," Zayn said sounding just as tired and feeling needy in a way he hadn't before.

 

Niall looked over at him, feeling so drained. "Ok. C'mon." He tugged Zayn's hand and started walking, their fingers interlaced and despite that, feeling so far away from him.

 

They walked in silence, took the bus in silence, and for each passing minute, Zayn became more and more aware of this invisible wall between them; one that he was desperate to tear down, but that seemed to be nearly impossible. He just wanted to sleep in for a week, because his dreams had become so much better than his reality.

 

Niall kept hold of his hand the whole way. Even when they were shouted at by a passing car, Niall didn't let go -- the abuse hurled at him by ignorant strangers was nothing compared to the raw, genuine pain he felt. He only dropped Zayn's hand to get the key in the lock at the apartment and push the door open. He sighed. "Help yourself to anything. If you can find it." Then he pulled out his phone and started texting, 'Looks like I'm not making it back tonight, luv. Soon."

 

Zayn nodded blankly and moved about the tiny apartment. He walked into the living room and flopped down at the couch, kicking his shoes off and he really wanted to curl up in Niall's bed but that seemed all too much. He closed his eyes and listened to Niall's phone ringing, his fingers automatically pulling out his nearly empty cigarette pack to light another fag.

 

Niall answered his phone.

 

"Don't tell me you went back to you empty apartment, alone?" Harry said from the other end.

 

"Hey, uh... No. Zayn's here with me."

 

There were a few beats of silence. "Right," Harry said slowly. "Louis is coming home in a bit. Do you want me to tell him or would you prefer telling him yourself?"

 

Niall sighed. "You can tell him..." He chewed his lips. "Are you angry with me?"

 

"...why would I be?"

 

"Because I told you I'd spend tonight with you." He had noted how Harry seemed a bit ruffled that Niall hadn't accepted his invitation to go on holiday with Louis and him. He didn't want Harry to feel slighted.

 

"I'm used to being the first choice," Harry said lightly. "I'll see you another time." And before Niall could reply, he hung up.

 

So... Harry was a little cranky. He would have to deal with that, later. He looked up and saw Zayn watching him and sort of shrugged it off. "Um... You want... You hungry?"

 

"No," Zayn replied and puffed on his cigarette, tilting his face to watch the smoke curl under the roof. "Sorry. I should probably smoke by the window." He shook his head as if he couldn't fathom his behavior and walked up to sit by the living room's window sill.

 

"It doesn't matter. This place is a tomb." Even with his mother gone, he didn't want to come back. Obviously, things were better with Louis. Niall followed after him and leaned against the wall. "What do you want?" he asked again, very openly.

 

Zayn opened the window and blew the smoke out of it. "I've already told you," he said quietly. "I don't know what it is you want me to say."

 

"I want to know if you want to sleep on the couch or in my bed. And I want to know if you want me there with you or not."

 

Zayn knew what he wanted, but he didn't know what Niall wanted; especially considering how Niall had winced when he'd touched him. "Depends on what you want," he said around the cigarette.

 

"How?"

 

"Do you want me on the couch or on your bed?"

 

Niall took a deep breath. He'd been rejected so much, one more didn't seem like it could do greater harm. "I want you close."

 

Zayn looked at Niall for a moment, then nodded and put out his cigarette. He carefully took Niall's hand, "Bed?"

 

Niall nodded. He felt such relief but also fear at what it would be like in bed again with Zayn. When the got to the bedroom, he took off his shoes, coat and his jeans, but he left on his drawers and his t-shirt. He got in the bed and rolled to face the wall, as he had always done.

 

Zayn followed Niall's example and shed his clothes until he was left in his boxer shorts and printed tee. He climbed onto the bed, every move careful and cautious, and laid down next to Niall, facing him. He watched the small, almost unnoticeable freckle at the back of Niall's neck for a small moment. "Can I touch you?" he asked, because he didn't know if he was allowed.

 

Niall felt something like a sob rise up in him, but he quelled it. "Yes," he said softly.

 

Zayn shuffled closer to Niall and carefully put an arm around him. He pressed a bit closer until they were spooning, until they fit just the right way and Zayn softly nuzzled Niall's neck, gauging Niall's reaction, afraid that he might have taken it too far.

 

Niall was a bit stiff, but over the course of a few minutes he relaxed and it felt exactly as it had before. It felt like every other time they'd lain like this, Niall so in love and so happy to have the object of his love so near. Except Niall knew better, now. He missed the illusion.

 

Zayn let out a soft sigh, lashes fluttering against the back of Niall's neck. Even though they were pressed this close, he still felt the distance between them, an invisible void that just kept growing. It was slowly driving him nuts.

 

 

~*~

 

Louis got home. "Hey, Harry," he said, seeing him on the sofa. Then he looked again. "Shit. You ok?"

 

Harry tilted his face to look at Louis. "Niall's sister went into a coma this morning. He came here semi-catatonic."

 

"Oh shit," Louis said, slowly putting down his book bag. "Where is he?" he looked up the stairs. "Is he here? Where is he?" He couldn't imagine where else he would be.

 

"He's with Zayn," Harry said and rolled his eyes. 

 

"Zayn? Last I saw them, they weren't speaking. What's he doing with Zayn?"

 

"Beats me," Harry said with a shrug. "You'll have to ask him. He made me wait up, only to call me and say that he was staying at his apartment with Zayn. Rude little shit, isn't he?" 

 

Louis struggled to keep his face from going all schmoopy. "You were waiting up for him?" His voice did go into a cutesy squeak.

 

Harry narrowed his eyes warningly at Louis. "No," he said slowly, even though it was exactly what he'd been doing.

 

"Yes," Louis grinned at him, flinging himself over the back of the sofa to sit next to Harry. "Harry Styles. You are my best friend. Tell me what is going on with you."

 

"You are my self-appointed best friend," Harry said, smirking. He pushed a hand through his hair. "I'm tired and we have to get up early tomorrow. I'm pouring myself a glass of wine and going to sleep." With that, he climbed to his feet and walked into the kitchen.

 

"Harry!" Louis flopped onto the sofa dramatically. "You stole my fuck buddy! You have to give me something! C'mon!"

 

"You want something?" Harry asked with a raised brow and poured himself a glass of wine, before returning to the living room. He looked at Louis. "I love his cock," he said bluntly and walked up the stairs.

 

Louis smiled like a hyena and he hopped up, following close on Harry's heels. "Yeah? What's so magical about his cock that you actually agreed to bottom for him?"

 

"We were in New York," Harry said as if that was explanation enough. He walked into Louis' bedroom and put the wineglass on the nightstand. He began stripping off his clothes.

 

"We've been in New York together, Harry, you didn't let me fuck you..." Louis did the same, stripping down to his briefs before climbing in, getting in Harry's personal space. "You've been in New York with a lot of people with cocks."

 

Harry took an elegant sip of his wine only to down it in one go. He turned to look at Louis with a teasing smirk. "Is that jealousy I hear, Tomlinson? Don't let me remind you who put a stop to a perfectly good thing."

 

Louis frowned. "What are you talking about? I didn't dump you."

 

"Don't frown, it'll ruin your pretty face," Harry said and smoothed the wrinkles on Louis' forehead out. "You were the one who didn't want to continue our arrangement."

 

"Well, you didn't feel about me the way I felt about you. What was I supposed to do? I mean, I could've lived with that if you were letting me at your ass..."

 

Harry chuckled softly. "You aren't getting anywhere near my ass, Lou," he said and poked Louis' nose. "Go to sleep. I'm tired."

 

Louis sighed. "I mean, I know he had a great cock. I had him before you, you know."

 

"And I had you before he did, if we're playing who got to who's ass first," Harry rolled his eyes and pulled Louis down. "I'm a slut for his cock, there's nothing more to say. Now will you shut up and sleep?"

 

Louis nodded complacently. Within seconds, he was giggling. "Oh my god, those sounds you make are so fucking _sexy_! Why did you never make those sounds for me? Is it only an ass-thing?"

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard, knowing he wasn't going to get much sleep tonight. "How many times did you get off to those videos?" he asked with a raised brow. "I’m surprised your dick hasn't fallen off."

 

"It hasn't. My cock can take a beating. And I beeeeeeaaaaaaaaat it!" He cawed, making the hand gesture in the air. "Harry, those, those little—‘Eghn eghn eghn!'s They just... I could only get halfway through a fuck session before I was shooting. How the fuck did Niall do that?"

 

Harry laughed and shook his head. "Ask him," he said, smirking. He could feel himself getting a bit aroused as the images of his night and morning spent with Niall flashed through his head. He groaned a bit and he suddenly wanted to jerk off before he went to bed. "Did you see how hot he looked when he was moving his hips in quick, fast thrusts?" Harry groaned, his hand travelling down to his crotch; God, he wanted Niall's cock up his ass and he was getting a bit worried that he was addicted to Niall's cock in all seriousness. 

 

Louis cooed. "And he gets that real earnest look on his face like he's concentrating really, really hard? And then he grunts like this: 'guh guh guh'... He can be all hips, too..." Louis smirked. He knew Harry was getting hot and bothered.

 

Harry growled a bit, half-hard already and he slipped his hand under the hem of his boxer briefs. "And the way he pulls my hair, god, I loved that so much," Harry said, breath heavy. "He made me come untouched twice. Never thought that was possible."

 

"Yeah?" Louis wheedled, his eyes dropping to where Harry was clearly going to jerk himself off. "Did he suck your nipples while he nailed your nub? Did he pet your taint while he was inside you and make you really tight? Did he run his thumb over your hole while it was stretched around his dick?"

 

"Oh..." A moan fell from Harry's lips and he closed his eyes as recalled everything in glorious detail. "Yes.." He panted softly, his hole clenching at the memory. "God...yes.." His hole was so awfully empty and he cracked his eyes open to look at Louis who was so obviously enjoying riling him up like this. He ran his thumb across the head of his prick, biting down his lip.

 

Louis did the same, biting on his lip when Harry did. "Did he spank you a little bit?" Louis asked softly, feeling himself harden in his shorts.

 

Harry's cock throbbed and he never thought he'd be so excited at the thought of getting his ass spanked. He shook his head. "No..." he said, panting hard, his hand closing around his dick, moving in slow, lazy stokes. His hole was clenching and unclenching, needy for something to fill it; preferably Niall's cock.

 

"He'd spank me," Louis said, his hips curling. "Sometimes, while he was inside me... Sometimes before he fucked me, just to get my cheeks and my hole hot..." He couldn't resist it anymore. He reached down and took hold of his dick. "Did he call you pet names?"

 

Harry nodded, flinging his head back against the pillow as he began to stroke himself in earnest, his curls sprawling around him like a halo. "He'd call me his baby," Harry said, licking across his lips. "...the first time wasn't on the tape, we were so excited we rushed it...he nearly split me in two...God it hurt, but then he'd pet me and kiss me and call me his baby..." Harry didn't know he was slipping two fingers in his mouth, before he was sucking on them.

 

Louis wiggled closer to him so he could put his forehead on Harry's shoulder. "But it kind of feels good, doesn't it? The hurt? The ache? When he pushes inside and it's just a little too big?" He was panting, watching Harry's fingers enviously.

 

Harry removed his fingers from his mouth when they were glistening with his spit. "...The part where the head pops in and you just have to relax to feel the rest of him sink in and fill you up...God.." Unable to stop himself, he removed his hand from his prick so he could spread his thighs and slip his wet fingers down, rubbing down his crack. He shivered a bit.

 

Louis moaned, a deep, guttural sound and he panted against Harry's shoulder hungrily. "And you can feel him up to your navel... and you can feel the precum making you wetter..."

 

Harry slipped one finger inside of him and let out a soft mewl. He'd never fingered himself that deeply and while it wasn't Niall's fingers or better, his cock, it would have to do for now. "...and when he finally finds that soft little spot...and drives into it...relentless...again and again until you feel like..." Harry pushed the other finger along, searching for his prostate, "...your mind explodes in white, hot pleasure."

 

"And then the cum," Louis groaned, fisting his dick harder, his butt pushing back as if there was someone inside him. "Oh, god, I love that, so hot and wet like he's claiming you..."

 

Harry finally found that spot and he arched his back a little, gasping softly. He began driving his fingers against it, pace picking up till Harry felt his rock-hard dick dribble precum, "Mmm...the cum. You're right, that's why you're such a cum-slut. The feeling of it dripping down your thighs."

 

"And how proud they look when they've made you wet and sore," Louis gasped, his hips bucking hard. "And he carries you into the shower and soaps you up like you're precious, but then he just bends you over and fucks you again--!" Louis was admittedly thinking of Liam. Liam was always like that, so apologetic for his rough handling, but unable to keep himself from doing it again.

 

"Fuck." Harry gasped a bit, clenching his eyes shut and fingering himself, focusing on chasing the release he could feel was close.  He grabbed his cock with his free hand and began tugging furiously, moans slipping past his parted lips.

 

"Christ," Louis gasped. "Wait til a man tells you he loves you when he's fucking you hard with his big di--!" But he didn't even get it out before he was coming, his mouth an open pant on Harry's shoulder.

 

Harry came right after, spilling over his own hand and gasping as he did so. He fell back against the bed, panting harshly, "Jesus..." he muttered as he struggled to regain his breath and his sanity.

 

Louis nuzzled him, grinning. "So," he said, when he regained control of his breath, "Are you, like, in love with him or something?"

 

Harry snorted. "Don't be ridiculous, now," he said as he pulled his fingers out of his ass and reached for the box of tissues on the nightstand. 

 

"He's pretty cool," Louis said, reaching for a tissue as soon as Harry brought them in reach. "In that druggie, poor person kind of way."

 

"Yeah...he is," Harry said with a soft smile and cleaned himself up. "Have you gotten over Payne?" Harry asked casually.

 

Louis scowled. "Why are you even asking that, Harry?"

 

Harry turned to look properly at Louis, studying him. "Well...have you?" he asked, knowing that it could only be a matter of time before Louis found out that Liam went to Niall's school.

 

He sighed. "Yeah. I mean... I dunno. Maybe I have. No one's caught my interest."

 

Harry nodded slowly. "Good, he was a pain in the ass.”

 

"Shut up," Louis groaned, rolling on his back. "We can't cuddle tonight, there's a wet spot."

 

"Well, don't be a lazy ass. Go get a sheet to cover it," Harry said and poked Louis in the ribs. "You know you can't sleep without cuddling with me."

 

Louis grumbled, but got up and into the bathroom, from which he returned with a towel. He spread it out over the wet spot, then curled up on Harry's shoulder. "You burned Niall's with Zayn and not with you?"

 

"I'm offended," Harry admitted sleepily. "I'm obviously the better choice. That guy is pretty but he seems dull as fuck...no surprise he's made such good friends with-" Harry caught himself seconds before from saying more than he needed to say.

 

"With who?" Louis asked, draping an arm over his chest sleepily.

 

"...just… losers," Harry said and feigned a yawn. "Let's sleep."

 

Louis looked a little curious, but he wasn't terribly interested in someone Zayn knew that he probably didn't. So, he tucked into Harry's neck and fell asleep.

 

~*~

 

The next morning Zayn woke up to the warmth of the sun on his skin and the sweet smell of Niall's skin. His eyes fluttered open and he realized that over the course of the night, they'd shifted so Niall was facing him. He watched him sleep for a while, knowing that he was being creepy, but he couldn't help it. Niall was beautiful, all soft and peaceful like this.

 

Niall was out, sleeping hard for another twenty minutes. When his blue eyes opened and he saw Zayn staring at him, he wasn't terribly concerned. "Hi," he said softly, closing his eyes again.

 

"Morning," he muttered, voice thick with sleep. He should probably reach for his phone in his pants and check if there was any news on his grandfather. He should probably get up and ready for school, but he was content lying right here, so he didn't move.

 

Niall didn't want the day to start either. He reached out and curled his fingers into Zayn's t-shirt, as if sensing that he wanted to move, but preventing him.

 

Zayn smiled softly at that and cautiously stroked Niall's soft cheek with his knuckles, gauging his reaction.

 

Niall's eyes shot open, his eyes boring into Zayn's trying to determine what the hell this was all about.

 

Zayn quickly retracted his hand and averted his gaze from Niall's. He stared at a spot over Niall's shoulders for a few moments. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Do you want breakfast? Um...I could make fix us something."

 

Niall was about to answer when his phone started to ring. He would have let the little device sing itself hoarse if it weren’t for that he was waiting for news; sure enough, the screen lit up with the name of Amy’s hospital. Without giving himself the space for either hope or dread to make an appearance, he answered the phone with a curt, “Yeah?”

“Is this Niall? Hi, Niall, I’m just calling to let you know your sister came out of her coma this morning. She’s asking for you.”

 

Niall didn’t even reply. He just relaxed back into the bed and pressed his knuckle into the corner of his eye. The experience of relief was so deep, he would have cried, had repeated exposure to this scenario not made him calloused. Sometimes he felt that his relief was actually exhaustion in disguise.

 

“Niall?” asked the nurse who had likewise made this call many times before.

 

“Yeah. I’m coming. Tell her I’m coming.” He hung up after giving the nurse his heartfelt gratitude, and turned his attention to Zayn. His friend read the news off his face. “She’s ok?”

 

Niall nodded. “Yeah. She wants to see me…” He stared at his own hands awkwardly flipping the phone between them, before asking shyly, “You want to come with me to the hospital?”

 

Zayn met Niall's gaze and looked at him for a short moment. He nodded then with a soft, "Yeah."

 

"Thanks..." Niall sighed. Then swallowed. "Are you alright with... pretending?"

 

"I would do it for you and for Amy," Zayn said. "But are you sure that's the right thing to do?"

 

"Why wouldn't it be?" Niall asked, genuinely wanting to know. He'd been asking himself the same thing and over and over all he could come to was how badly he wanted to see Amy smiling, believing her brother was doing well and happy.

 

"I know you're doing this to make her happy, babe." Zayn said and then sighed softly. "It's just...I don't want it to make things messier than they already are between us."

 

"Oh. Well, I'm not going to fall for it, Zayn, I know you're not going to marry me. So, I'm covered. Would it upset _you_? Even to pretend?"

 

Zayn studied Niall for a few moments. "Alright," he said. "I'll do it."

 

Niall gave him a half-smile. "Thank you... I know it's asking a lot." He would have kissed Zayn's cheek in the old days. Now, he just awkwardly patted his hand.

 

Zayn nodded. "No problem," he said softly. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, "There's this waffle house I discovered the other day. They have sick waffles. We can go there before we go to Amy." 

 

That sounded good to Niall. He wiggled out of bed and got dressed. Zayn still had a toothbrush in his bathroom and they got ready together, speaking very little. "How's Liam?" Niall finally asked as they sat, waiting for their order to come at the waffle house.

 

"Liam, he's doing good, already collecting all the A's in school," Zayn said with a smile and shrug. "The kids in school still resent him, though they mostly ignore him now."

 

Niall nodded. He hadn't been to school in weeks. "And you? How're you doing in school?"

 

"Better. Liam has been helping me," Zayn said, eyes brightening. "He's really good at explaining; actually he works miracles! Like, would you actually believe I got a passing grade in math? He made everything I didn't understand seem so simple."

 

Niall actually smiled a little bit. He was so pleased Zayn was doing well, despite the interloper. "Liam's tutoring you?"

 

"Yeah. He'll get credit for it which will look good on his college applications. It's a win-win." Though Zayn was sure that Liam would help him even if he didn't get anything out of it.

 

"He's a good boy," Niall said, his heart absolutely sinking into his chest. He would never be a good boy like Liam. He would never be good enough for Zayn.

 

Zayn nodded. "Are you coming back to school any time soon?" he asked. "It's not really the same without you."

 

"Probably not. There's no point, Zayn."

 

Zayn was about to argue with that, but then he realized he'd probably end up sounding like his father. He didn't say anything, just let out a soft sigh. 

 

"That's why I really need this ... business with you and Louis to work out," Niall said softly.

 

"Ok. We'll make it work then." A couple of weeks ago, he and Niall would have been over the moon, celebrating, but that time seemed so distant. It made Zayn sad.

 

When they got into the hospital room, Amy was awake, but looking weaker than ever. She tried to smile at the sight of Zayn, but it was all in her eyes.

 

"Hey, honey!" Niall beamed.

 

"You brought him," Amy eked out.

 

At the sight of Amy's fragile state, Zayn felt his heart tighten, but he managed a smile. "Hi, princess," he said and kissed the top of her head.

 

Her fingers twitched and she wanted to reach for him. "I'm so glad you're here," she wheezed.

 

Zayn pulled up a chair to Amy's bed and carefully took her small, thin hand in his, stroking over it with a thumb. "I'm glad to be here," he said sincerely. "I'm sorry I haven't come by more often."

 

"Niall told me you're busy with work... building a company," she gasped, clearly happy to see him.

 

"Yeah, that's true," Zayn said and glanced at Niall, unsure what kind of story he'd fabricated about their marijuana business.

 

A nurse came in and said to them, very compassionately. "Boys, I'm sorry, but Amy really needs to rest right now."

 

Niall was sad, but said softly, "Can I come back later?"

 

"You can come check, but I can't promise anything," she said.

 

Niall got up to leave, but Amy said softly, "Can I have a few minutes with Zayn?"

 

Niall looked uncomfortable. "Um... Why?"

 

Amy scowled as fiercely as she could. "Because I want to. Shoo. Come see me this afternoon."

 

Niall looked wary, but he couldn't deny his sister's request. "Just a few minutes," the nurse said, leading Niall out.

 

When the door closed behind Niall and the nurse, Zayn turned to Amy with a soft smile. "What's up, princess?" he asked.

 

Amy gave him a soft smile. "I'm glad you came to see me, Zayn," she said softly. "I've been wondering about you a lot."

 

Zayn smiled and squeezed her hand softly. "What have you been wondering about, sweetheart?"

 

"I thought you might be the one person who could tell me the truth," she said softly.

 

Zayn swallowed a bit and tried not to look as wary as he felt. "The truth about what?"

 

"Niall," she said softly. "Is he happy? Really?"

 

Zayn hated to do this, it felt incredibly wrong to lie to her, but he'd promised Niall and he understood why Niall wanted it this way. "Yes," he said, smiling widely. "You don't need to worry. He’s happy. "

 

Amy gave him a look. A long, even look. Then she said, "You fuckin' lying to me, Zayn?"

 

Zayn faltered and he knew Amy was seeing right through him; shed always been a smart girl. He looked away from her eyes and exhaled deeply. "Yes," he said softly.

 

Amy relaxed a little, closing her eyes and sighing deeply. "Tell me the truth. Please, tell me the truth about him."

 

Zayn swallowed. "I can't,” he said. "Amy don't make me do that. You'll have to ask him, himself." He could never tell Amy that her brother slept with a man twice his age to pay her medical bills.

 

"I can't ask him, Zayn," she said. "He lies for himself just as much as for me." She squeezed his hand with as much might as she could muster. "Are you two really together? Are you really happy?" It was clear she was bracing herself for the answer.

 

Zayn looked at her, eyes so sad, he didn't want to upset her but lying about that was useless. "No." He shook his head, "We aren't... things aren't the same. We're barely friends. "

 

She was shaken to the core. Her breathing changed, became more labored. "Oh, God," she said quietly. "Tell me... Tell me he has someone. Tell me there's someone who loves him."

 

Zayn panicked slightly, afraid that he'd sent her into a hyperventilation. He stroked her hand soothingly. "Of course," he blurted. "He has new friends, has he told you about them? Louis, and there's this guy called Harry, who's got a thing for Niall. He's going to be alright. I'll still look out for him. Always."

 

That seemed to calm her a little bit, but she was still hiccupping softly, tears like diamonds in her eyes. "He hasn't said anything about them," she said softly. "He's always talked about you."

 

Zayn's chest tightened and he bowed his head, pressing the heel of his palm against his forehead for a moment. "You know how much I've always cared about your brother, Amy. I still care and I'll be his friend and be there for him no matter what happens. I promise you that."

 

"You just said you're barely friends," she pointed out. "What happened?"

 

Zayn shook his head, he really didn't want to get into _that_. "I'll look out for him," he repeated, because that's all he was sure about.

 

"You don't love him," she guessed.

 

Zayn looked down. "I'm sorry."

 

"That's surprising," she said softly, having a hard time believing it. "I always thought..." she shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

 

Zayn ran a hand through his hair and let it drop to his lap. "Thought what?” he dared to ask.

 

"You could have loved him like he wanted. You could've been happy together," she said softly. She watched his face to see if he was offended or disgusted by that.

 

Zayn smiled softly. "I could," he said quietly, "but we wouldn't be happy. If I ever...." He shook his head. "...I just can't give him what he wants. What he deserves. And in the long run, it'll be better this way."

 

She frowned at him. "That was cryptic. I'm the dying one, I get to be cryptic, not you. What the fuck are you talking about?"

 

Zayn actually chuckled a bit, even though he winced internally. "My family, Amy," he said as explanation. "They'd never approve."

 

"So?" She smirked. "They never approved of the girls you like, either, Zayn."

 

Zayn smiled. "Yeah, but my father would throw me out without blinking if I came home with a boy."

 

"You were planning on living there forever?"

 

Zayn shook his head. "I'm getting out of this dead-beat town the second I get the chance." 

 

"Then what does it matter if your parents kick you out first?"

 

Zayn sighed. "That I want to move out when I turn 18 doesn't mean that I want my family to disown me, Amy...family means a lot to me."

 

"I know. But you get to shape your life. It's a sad life when it's shaped by other people and their fears..." She started to look very sleepy.

 

Amy's words struck him a little, because that's the truth he'd been turning a blind eye to; as much as he loved his family, he felt like they were holding him back from finding who he was and what he really wanted to do. "Yeah," he said, thoughtfully. "Get some rest, yeah? I'll come by soon." He kissed her forehead and rose to his feet.

 

"Thank you, Zayn," she said softly. "Don't tell him you told me the truth..."

 

Zayn nodded and gave her a soft smile, before he turned and walked out.

 

In the hall, Niall immediately pounced on him. "What did she want you for?"

 

"She just wanted to talk about us," Zayn said with a slight shrug. "I told her what you wanted me to."

 

"What'd you tell her?" Niall asked, walking down the hall with him.

 

"That you were happy. That we were happy together."

 

Niall sighed. "Ok... Look, I've been texting Louis, he wants to meet tomorrow after school. That work for you?"

 

Zayn nodded. "Yeah. I'll be there."

 

"K. It's Harry's lunch hour, so I'm gonna go visit him."

 

Zayn stopped up abruptly and turned to stare at Niall. "Were you serious? When you said you were lovers?"

 

"What?" Niall looked up from where he was texting fervently. "Yeah."

 

Zayn swallowed hard. "Niall...that can only end in a fucking disaster and you know it."

 

"Excuse me? Are you actually trying to tell me what to do with my love life, Zayn? I really don't think you want to go there," he said, with pronounced snappiness.

 

Zayn's jaw clenched tightly. "How long will it lasts after he finds out about you and his father?" 

 

Niall just shoved him. Hard, into a wall. One of the doctors just turned and said, "Out! Both of you, out!" Niall didn't need to be told twice, he charged through the front doors.

 

Zayn took a deep breath and charged after Niall. "I didn't say that to hurt you! I just--Niall-fucking hell--wait!" He caught up to him just outside the hospital and grabbed his elbow, tugging him back, hard. "Please, don't get angry. I'm just trying to look out for you."

 

Niall jerked his arm back. "I'm just taking what I can fucking get while I can! Ok? Is that so fucking bad!? Can't I fucking try to have something nice, even if it is going to crash and burn!? I know it will! You really think I don't know it will!?"

 

Zayn took a step back at the pure fire in Niall's eyes. "Ok," he said, blinking. "Alright. I'm sorry. If you know what you're doing then go ahead. It's not like I can stop you."

 

Niall just huffed hard. Zayn could very well stop him, with just a word, he could stop him, and he knew that. Niall just glared at him, flexing his jaw. "Thanks for seeing Amy. I know that was hard. See you tomorrow," he said with finality.

 

"No problem," Zayn muttered. He checked the time on his phone; he could make it to a fair share of his classes yet if he was lucky. He sighed. "See you tomorrow."

 

Niall just turned on his heel and marched to the bus stop, to meet Harry at Madison.

 

~*~

 

Harry and Louis were walking through the tall gates of Madison when they caught sight of Niall. "Niall!" Louis shouted, waving energetically, a huge smile on his face. He ran over and engulfed Niall in a bear hug. Harry rolled his eyes a bit, but went over to Niall as well.

 

Niall smiled and squeezed Louis tight. "Hey, cutie. How're you?" He smiled at Harry and chucked his chin. "Beautiful."

 

"How are _you_?" Harry asked. "Did our sex video send that straight guy running back into your arms?" He assumed that was why he'd been stood up last night.

 

Niall scoffed. "Hardly. We just both had family crises, you know? He's my oldest friend; we just... wanted to hang out, is all."

 

Harry tilted his face and couldn't deny that he was pleased. "How unfortunate," he said. "I'm starving. Are you going to make me a sandwich for letting you cheat off my Literature test?" He asked Louis with a cocked brow.

 

Louis' lips pursed a bit. "Are you going to hold that against me forever?"

 

"Yes, of course I am."

 

Louis rolled his eyes and slung an arm around Niall's neck, tugging him along. "Are you hungry, Niall? Miss Jana, the cook from home stopped by this morning to deliver some of her delicious sandwiches."

 

"Nice," he smiled, kissing Louis' cheek. "Hey, Harry, uh-- If you still want to, we could go visit my sister this afternoon."

 

Louis turned to look at Harry with a raised brow and gave Harry a bit of a look, surprised that Harry wanted to see Niall's sister. Harry ignored Louis. "Sounds good. After school?"

 

"Yeah... I'll tell her you’re my co-worker, k? And..." He looked at Louis, a little embarrassed. "And the best man at my wedding..."

 

"What? _What_ wedding?" Louis blurted.

 

Niall looked rather sheepishly at the boy under his arm. "I -- It isn't real. I tell my sister pretty lies to make her happy..."

 

Louis looked at Niall as he slowly understood. "Oh, you told her you were getting married to Zayn?" he asked, eyes soft. 

 

"Yeah," Niall said, genuinely embarrassed.

 

Louis squeezed Niall tightly. "How did it go with him?" he asked. Harry rolled his eyes a bit; getting bored by talking about Zayn.

 

"Good... We ... We slept together," he said, then abruptly, "Not -- Not like, sex. We just... He held me all night. It was awkward at first but..." he shook his head, sighing deeply. "I fucking miss him. God, my heart hurts every time I see him."

 

"He obviously misses you too," Louis said and stroked down Niall's back, only releasing him to open the door to his apartment. He held led Niall and Harry inside. "I'll go get us the sandwiches," he said and walked into the kitchen.

 

Harry sprawled onto one of the couches and tilted his head back with a sigh. "What do you see in him?"

 

Niall scoffed. "What do you care?"

 

Harry slowly turned his gaze on him. "I'm just curious," he said with a shrug. "He's pretty, I'll give you that, but that's about it."

 

"He's pretty. He's caring. Really tender, sweet. But he's a badass, too. He's the guy you want at your back in a fight. And he's funny, when he's not pretending to be a moody badboy." As he spoke, Niall's face assumed the dreamy, happy look of someone talking about their one true love.

 

Harry's nose wrinkled a bit. "How cute. I think I threw up in my mouth a little," he said, feeling a bit irritated for reasons he couldn't pinpoint. "And he's straight."

 

"Stop that, Haz!" Louis chastised as he emerged from the kitchen with a big plate full of sandwiches. He placed it on the small glass table and smacked Harry. "Don't be jealous," he teased.

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard. "Shut up."

 

But it had stung Niall a bit. He didn't look at Harry for a good several minutes after that. "So where are you two having your little getaway?"

 

"You know about that?" Louis asked surprised and handed Niall a wrapped sandwich, taking a bite of his own.

 

"I told him," Harry said with a shrug, "and we are going to Amsterdam."

 

"Yeah, after we visit my nana in France," Louis said.

 

"No, I'm not going to visit your batshit crazy grandma."

 

"She's not crazy! She's just eccentric!"

 

"She's crazy and she freaks me out."

 

"We're still visiting her."

 

"No," Harry said with a voice of finality, rolling his eyes when Louis pouted hard. He turned to look at Niall, "Amsterdam."

 

"Well. You boys have fun," he said, unwrapping his sandwich and taking a huge bite. It was the first thing he'd eaten in nearly a day and it was a dream in his mouth. He made a soft, sexy grunt.

 

Harry nearly choked on the tea he'd been sipping on, Louis stopped mid-chew and they both stared at Niall. 

 

Niall didn't notice for several seconds. When he did, he looked at them with his mouthful and frowned, "What?"

 

Louis and Harry exchanged a slow look. "You know, we jerked off together last night, reminiscing about your dick," Louis said bluntly with a wide, sharkish grin.  

 

Niall tucked his bite of sandwich into his cheek. He looked between them in disbelief. "Wha-- really?"

 

"Yeah," Harry said, voice low and he looked at Niall with intense eyes, gaze dropping briefly to his crotch. Louis saw that and barked out a laugh, "Jesus. You've got Harry here whipped. He was fingering yourself, thinking of your dick inside of him." Harry just smirked shamelessly.

 

"Were you watching our video?" Niall asked, his heart in his throat seeing Harry looking at him like that -- and the thought of Harry fingering himself made him woozy.

 

"No," Harry said, licking his lips. "We were doing a pretty good job recounting the details ourselves." He spread his legs a bit when he felt his dick twitch.

 

Louis watched Harry with rapt attention. "What is it, Haz? You want to jump onto his dick, right now?"

 

Harry ignored Louis, just continued looking at Niall with bedroom eyes.

 

Niall scoffed, a little uncomfortable with that much sexual attention being projected at him. "Seriously, Haz. You want me to fuck you right in front of Louis or something?"

 

Harry felt himself harden at the prospect of being fucked while watched and dear God, he was really turning into a cock-slut; the most concerning part is that he had little to no regrets what-so-ever.

 

Louis eyes widened. "Fuck, you're a little exhibitionist, aren't you, Haz? You'd love to be fucked while someone was watching, wouldn’t you? You kinky little shit!"

 

Niall's eyes were locked on Harry. "Would you?" he asked, genuinely curious.

 

Harry licked across his lip slowly. "Yes," he said, voice low and heavy.

 

Niall put down his sandwich slowly. Then he prowled across the room til he was standing between Harry's knees. Slowly, he lifted Harry's legs around his waist and knelt between his thighs.

 

Harry hadn't expected Niall would be this okay with it, but he wasn't going to complain, his mind was already fogging over with lust.

 

"Holy shit," Louis breathed, wide-eyed, "Are you really going to do this? Am I really going to get some live-fucking?"

 

Niall looked over his shoulder at Louis and grinned. "If you're good, maybe I'll do you later..."

 

Harry reached out and curled his fingers into Niall's shirt, tugging him down. "No, you aren't," he said against his lips, "You're just fucking me."

 

"Wow, Haz, getting a little possessive?" Louis said, voice light and teasing though he was getting a bit concerned.

 

"Aw, Haz, share," Niall urged, stroking his knuckles down Harry's beautiful face and ghosting a kiss across his lips.

 

"No," Harry growled and pulled Niall down next to him on the couch, sitting astride his waist and kissing him firmly on the mouth.

 

Louis was getting turned on. "I'll get the camera!" He yelped and raced up the stairs to retrieve it from his room.

 

Niall sunk his fingers into Harry's curls and pulled him down for some fiercely passionate kisses. "You were really getting off last night with Louis? Talking about my dick?"

 

"Yeah," Harry breathed into Niall's mouth, sucking at his bottom lip. "My hole feels so goddamn empty." He curled his hips and grinded against Niall, desperate to feel his cock.

 

Niall smiled, but it faded as he kissed Harry steamily. "I can take care of that," he promised, opening Harry's pants and pulling them over his hips and down his legs, tugging off his shoes with them as well. "Let me see it..."

 

"I found it! Did I miss anything?!" Louis shouted as he came bounding down the stairs with his camera in his hand. He groaned when he saw Harry crawl off Niall's lap only to spread himself out on couch, shamelessly and quite sluttily exposing his hole. "Jesus, Haz," Louis panted as he moved to get a good angle.

 

"Oh, fuck..." Niall gasped at the sight of Harry with his hands on his cheeks, opening himself for Niall's perusal. He groaned, running his hands over his crack, rubbing at the clenching pucker. "You tight for me, Harry?"

 

"Yes," Harry said with a soft mewl, loosening his uniform tie, getting hot all over. His dick was quickly getting harder and he really needed Niall's dick inside of him, "Fuck me, come on, Niall."

 

Louis swallowed hard and he kind of wanted to touch Harry there as well, but he would be content with just watching Harry transforming into a little slut.

 

Niall couldn't resist -- he leaned over and drove his tongue inside Harry's body, tugging on his hips to pull him back hard against his mouth.

 

Harry bucked hard and his thighs closed around Niall's head to keep him there. "Oh God...yes," He moaned, pushing his fingers into Niall's hair. 

 

For a moment Niall thought he would suffocate, then he thought that was ok. He flickered his tongue over Harry's hole then gouged deep, making him wet and sensitive. When he came up for air, he said, "Louis, lube."

 

Louis who had been in something like a trance, watching the expressions on Harry's face, blinked. "Oh, uhm yeah, I'll get it!" He put the camera on the table and raced back up in the living room. He came back, handing it to Niall and he couldn't resist, running his hand through Harry's curls. Harry looked at him through his lashes, lips tugging up in a bit of a smirk and Louis wanted to shove his cock down his throat.

 

Niall was hiking up his shirt to get it off, kissing his exposed flesh along the way. HE slicked his fingers generously and pressed them against Harry's tight little anus. "Tell me what feels good, baby..."

 

"Be quick and hard...I want your cock, Niall...not your fingers," Harry panted and reached for Niall's pants to undo them. Louis had gotten back to his camera and made sure to capture the way Harry's little hole fluttered in anticipation. He moaned, his cock straining against his pants.

 

"What if I wanted to take my time with you and torture you?" Niall purred into his ear, nibbling on the rim.

 

Harry writhed a bit. "No, I really, fuck, I really need your cock." He pushed his ass back against Niall's fingers, eager to get anything inside of him. 

 

Niall obligingly pushed a finger inside him, working it gently. "Some folks would say you're spoiled, Harry," he teased, just to hear him whine. He struggled to get his pants off with one hand, so he looked over at Louis and said, "C'mon, pitch in."

 

Louis didn't need to be told twice, he put the camera on the table and walked over, kissing Niall's neck and helping him out of his pants. Harry groaned when Niall's hard dick was exposed and he reached for it with the same eagerness as a child who'd been presented a piece of candy. He closed a hand around it and stroked it slowly. Louis couldn't resist and he knelt down next to Harry and took his sinful lips in his, kissing him hard. Harry groaned into Louis' mouth.

 

"Look at you," Louis panted, nibbling on his bottom lip. "You enjoy this, don't you? Being the center of attention?"

 

Niall gathered him up against him and kissed over his ribs, nipples and tummy while he slowly worked two fingers into him. "Needy," Niall accused him with a smirk.

 

Harry took a fistful of Niall's hair and kissed him savagely. His other hand felt down Niall's chest, fondling his nipples, moving further down and ghosting over his rock hard cock. "Don't pretend you don't want me more than I want you," he panted against his ear, nibbling on the earlobe. 

 

Niall could only smile at him. If he left Harry right now, the man would dissolve into a childish tantrum and they both knew it. "I'll take care of you," he promised, curling his finger in Harry's gripping heat and stroking over his nub.

 

Harry's hips bucked with a soft gasp and he curled his hips, his hold on Niall tightening. Louis had made himself comfortable on the couch, a hand on his dick and he groaned, "Jesus, Haz, you're gagging for it."

 

Harry was so beautiful like this. He was vulnerable and stunning and Niall could get off on him like this alone. "Beg me for it, beautiful," he gasped softly.

 

Harry let out a soft whimper. "Please," he said, looking at Niall with dark pools of lust. He kissed Niall passionately, "Please, your cock...I want it."

 

Niall kissed him and stroked his thighs. "You ready for me?" he asked, pushing the tip of his cock against Harry's hole, not wanting to hurt him again.

 

Harry locked his thighs over Niall's hips, digging his fingers into his back. "Yes," he panted, throwing his head back, nearly shaking in anticipation. 

 

Niall really liked the shivering. He liked that Harry was coming apart this badly before he'd even had a cock in him. He looked up at Louis and smiled at him somewhat triumphantly, before taking hold of Harry's knee, opening him wider and pushing up inside him.

 

Louis watched with rapt attention, his hand moving leisurely over his dick, watching the way Harry's spine unfolded as he took Niall's cock, the way his ruby lips parted, expression screwed up in pleasure and lust. "Harry...Dear God, you're so beautiful," Louis moved without realizing it, kneeling next to where Harry was gasping and pushed his curls out of his face. "That video did you no justice."

 

Niall seated himself as deeply as he could go, getting comfortable atop Harry, kissing his throat, his jaw, his exposed face. Then he started rocking, slowly curling his hips into Harry's butt, feeling him tremble to take his girth.

 

Harry was making all the sounds Louis had been getting off on, but hearing them live and close was a whole different experience. It was glorious and Louis was sure he'd be the first one to come. "Fuck him harder, Niall," he said, breath heavy. "I want to hear those whines he make when you touch his spot with your dick."

 

Niall smiled and kissed down Harry's face and, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, did just that. It only took him a few thrusts to find it, but when he did, he drove at it, steadily, but hard, teasing him with short jabs and deep thrusts. "Christ, I love being balls deep in you," he panted into Harry's mouth.

 

Harry was making pretty, happy moans and whining high in his throat, just giving himself over to it. He dug his fingernails into Niall's skin, without doubt leaving marks. His dick was leaking against his tummy and Harry found his own hand wandering down to touch it.

 

Niall didn't like that. "Mine," he said softly, batting Harry's hand away. He folded his fist around Harry's erection and started to pump him in time with his dick. He pulled back, trying to get a glimpse of Harry's pretty green eyes, to connect with him.

 

Harry locked his eyes with Niall's and there was a moment where he just gazed into his eyes, no mask; open and vulnerable. Louis who'd been jerking himself furious saw that look and it was a look not even the sex tape had caught. Louis stopped stroking abruptly, staring at Harry and feeling a foreboding feeling curl in his belly.

 

That look sent fire through Niall's body and he curled around Harry protectively, kissing him powerfully and thrusting with the clear intention of giving Harry an explosive orgasm. "C'mon," he gasped, wringing Harry's cock. "Come for me, baby... Show me how much you like it... Fuck, you're beautiful..."

 

The edges of Harry's vision exploded in white and he clutched Niall tight when he hit his release with lewd moan. His thighs trembling, mouth opening in gasps, eyes screwing shut in pleasure.

 

"Oh fuck," Louis choked on his breath as he followed right after, spilling over his fist.

 

"You're my baby, you're my baby, you're my baby," Niall panted over and over, not meaning it in that deep, meaningful way most folks did, but just really feeling it in the moment. He only shut up when he came with a deep groan, curling his hips hard into Harry's butt and unloading what felt like a week's worth into his willing body.

 

Harry gasped for breath and clutched Niall, not letting go before he finally regained some sense. He fell back down against the cushion, gazing up at Niall with dazed, half-lidded eyes and he reached up, stroking a finger along Niall's flushed face, a small smile playing on his lips. 

 

Niall leaned in and kissed him, a slow, deep, perfectly sated, luxurious kiss. "You're wonderful," he muttered against his lips.

 

"You're both fucking amazing. Best day ever!" Louis crowed, cutting through whatever small bubble they'd created. He grabbed a box of tissues and handed it to Niall. "I guess we aren't going back to school, huh, Haz?" he said and Harry reluctantly removed his gaze from Niall to blink slowly at Louis. "I have a test in Spanish," he said and let out a small sigh, he didn't want to get up, but he had no choice.

 

Carefully, Niall lifted Harry's thighs and pulled out of him. Harry was a bit of a wet mess. "You're gonna want a shower, baby," he said, still in his schmoopy post-coital delirium.

 

Harry checked the clock hanging on the wall and bit down his lip. "Yeah," he said and turned to look at Niall. He gingerly pushed himself up in a sitting position and kissed Niall on the lips. Then he got to his feet, the cum dripping down his thigh and made his way upstairs on wobbly legs. Louis looked after him, mouth a bit dry, "Damn."

 

"I did that," Niall said in wonder. "I... I did that..."

 

"And here I thought he'd get you wrapped around his finger, but it's apparently the other way around," Louis said with a low whistle and looked at Niall with a raised brow, recalling the way Harry had looked at him. He was more than willing to write it off as an 'in the moment' look, but something in the back of his mind was setting off alarms.

 

Niall turned to look at Louis and smiled. Then he crooked his finger at him and patted his bare lap as if to say, 'sit here'.

 

Louis grinned and eagerly crawled into Niall's lap, clasping his arms around his neck. "Are you turning into a little pimp, Niall?" he teased.

 

"Maybe I'm just taking my heartbreak out on beautiful, willing boys," he said, kissing across his collarbone and his neck. "You're both perfect, you know. I get why Harry's single, but you -- How has no one scooped you up yet?"

 

"Aw, you're sweet," Louis giggled and automatically tilted his head to give Niall more access to his neck. He ran his fingers through Niall's hair. "I am still kind of heartbroken, I guess. I need to be single for a little longer."

 

Niall's smile was sad. "We'll heal, yeah? Together?" As he said it, he leaned in and kissed Louis softly, so happy to have this experience of being attractive and attracted to two beautiful boys his age.

 

Louis nodded and kissed Niall back. "Fuck those 'straight' boys, anyways, who needs them," he said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

 

Niall got it. He really got it. He put his forehead against Louis and held him tight. He braced himself against Louis's shoulders for a moment as the emotions took him, but he quickly wrangled himself with a deep breath. "Maybe you'll find a boy in Amsterdam."

 

Louis tried to laugh, but it just came out like a sad sound. He hugged Niall back and stuffed his face in the crook of his neck. "It just doesn't feel like you'll ever find anyone quite like him, does it?"

 

Niall sighed heavily. "No. But you will, Louis. I know you will. You're so beautiful and friendly and fun and clever and ... I mean, you're perfect. Really."

 

Louis smiled softly and kissed Niall's cheek. "You too, Niall. You're pretty flawless yourself. You'll find someone who loves you the way you deserve."

 

Harry came down the stairs, clean and beautiful and back in his school uniform. He looked over and saw Louis in Niall's lap. "You're a greedy little shit, aren't you, Horan?" The words were supposed to come out light and mocking, but there was a noticeable venomous edge to them.

 

Niall looked over his shoulder and saw Harry there and immediately he was confused -- confused and a bit put off. "What?"

 

Harry's face slipped into an immutable expression and he gave a small flick of his hair and looked at Niall with cool eyes. "Nothing," he smiled sweetly and walked over, grabbing his jacket.

 

Louis stared after him with open mouth. "Oh my God. Harry Styles, are you jealous!?" He shouted after him and he got a sharp look from Harry before he disappeared out of the door.

 

Niall looked at Louis. "What the fuck was that all about?"

 

"That..." Louis said slowly "...was Harry being possessive. Holy shit. He actually doesn't want me to touch you." 

 

Niall rolled his eyes. "He certainly does think he's king of everything, doesn't he?"

 

Louis shook his head. Niall didn't get it. He didn't know Harry the way Louis did; albeit Louis didn't know him that well either. "No...did you see the way he looked at you? I bet my left kidney he's never looked at anyone like that before."

 

Of course Niall knew what he was talking about. That look was incredible and would be seared in Niall's mind til the day he died. "Well... He's never had it in the ass before," Niall reasoned with a shrug.

 

"Yeah...but, you don't look at anyone like that, regardless of how you're getting it," Louis said. "Jesus, Niall, he looked at you like you were giving him more than just your cock."

 

"Don't--" Niall suddenly became very uncomfortable. He lifted Louis off him and started getting dressed. "Don't get carried away, Louis. This is Harry Styles you're talking about."

 

"And Harry Styles is still a human being very capable of feeling what other human beings feel," Louis said and he felt just as unsettled as Niall. "Niall," he took a deep breath and then said solemnly, "You've got to stop fucking him." Maybe he was overreacting, but better safe than sorry.

 

"You're being dramatic," Niall said. "I need him now, ok? Don't... Don't make this weird, just because we're broken hearted, ok? I mean, we're prone to seeing... that... everywhere. And it just isn't. Not with Harry."

 

Louis let out a soft sigh. He understood, of course he did, but this was still Harry and Harry was still his best friend; as untouchable and confident as other people saw him, he had his insecurities. "Alright," he said reluctantly. "Sorry. I just saw that look and...it's probably nothing."

 

"Naw," Niall said, relaxing now that Louis was on his side. "He's just spoiled and doesn't want other people touching his things." He sounded as if he knew Harry longer than Louis. He knew he was being ridiculous; he just really had to believe this and really needed Louis to believe it with him.

 

"Yeah...that's probably it," Louis said and didn't sound convinced at all. He'd have to talk to Harry later and try as best as he could to get a read on him, which would be hard. He took a deep breath and checked the time on his watch, "I should probably get back to school as well."

 

"Yeah. I should stop by for a little bit. If for nothing else, then to try to not look like such a slacker." To Zayn. Really, he only cared how he looked to Zayn.

 

Louis nodded as he smoothed out his clothes and ran a finger through his hair. "Go take a shower. You smell of Harry," he said with a grin. "I'm gonna run now," he kissed Niall on the cheek and left.

 

Niall was dressed and didn't feel like showering. He liked smelling like Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	15. Chapter 15

 

Liam noticed Zayn showing up late. He found him in the halls and said, "Hey -- Everything alright?"

 

Zayn gave a small defeated shrug and sighed deeply. "Things have been better," he said. Really, things haven't been alright as of lately. "Did I miss anything?" 

 

"Just school. I can catch you up on everything. Is your granddad ok?"

 

Zayn shook his head. "He hasn't woken up, yet. Doesn't look like he's ever going to wake up," he muttered with a gloomy expression. He was just waiting for the call.

 

Liam gave him a hug. "Were you visiting him this morning?"

 

Zayn soaked up the comfort in the hug. "I was visiting Amy with Niall. She's Niall's little sister and has been hospitalized with leukemia the last few months."

 

"Oh, yeah, I heard about that. That's terrible. So... You and Niall are talking again?"

 

"Kind of, I guess," Zayn said with a small shrug. "Things are still...fragile." Their friendship was hanging by a thread and Zayn didn't want to talk about it.

 

"Ok," Liam smiled at him, sensing he was done talking. He started babbling about the school, gossip, sports, to take his mind off it.

 

~*~

 

Niall walked into school, a little thrown by his conversation with Louis and reeking of Harry Styles' cologne and sweat. Liam saw him first in the halls and said to Zayn, "You know, I never thought he'd come back."

 

"Who?" Zayn asked, distracted by his phone.

 

"Niall." He was trying to not be so angry with Niall now that Zayn had told him that he was sleeping with Harry. But he was still rankled knowing that Niall was living in Louis’ house, sleeping in his bed.

 

"Where?" Zayn's gaze snapped up from his phone and looked around.

 

Liam nodded at him. "You... He and Harry _are_ together, right?" he pressed, just needing to hear it, even if he didn't believe it.

 

Zayn caught sight of Niall and his jaw clenched a bit. He looked away. "Apparently," he muttered, nose wrinkling and he shoved his phone back in his pocket. The image of Harry and Niall having sex was forever branded in his mind. 

 

Liam saw Niall catch sight of Zayn, and the way it affected him. The way he seemed to sparkle at the sight of the man he loved and a light came into his eyes. But then he saw Liam -- probably saw the way Liam was glaring at him, and he cowered, turning away. "Catch him while you can," Liam said. "If you want to, that is."

 

Zayn simultaneously wanted to go after Niall and to walk away. He sighed softly. "Yeah, I probably should," he said. "See you around, bro." He gave a slight nod to Liam before following after Niall.

 

Niall was at his locker, wondering why he was here. Louis had bought him several gardening books and he knew he should be back in the apartment, reading them.

 

Zayn walked up to Niall and leaned against the locker next to the boy. "Hi," he said with a crooked smile, "I didn't think you'd ever come back."

 

Niall was thrilled at the sight of him as if he hadn't seen Zayn in years. "Well, I... Y'know, Louis and Harry had to go back to school and they won't let me visit Amy, so..." He just shrugged, his lashes fluttering as if the light of Zayn's beauty stung his eyes.

 

Zayn's tried not to grimace at the mentioning of Harry, or Louis; really, he wasn't fond of either. He stood up a bit straight. "Well, it's good to have you back. If only for today." He smiled and nudged Niall's shoulder, leaning a little closer and catching the smell of sex and...Harry Styles. As if burned, he jerked back, mouth pulling down a frown.

 

"What? Damn. Do I stink?" Niall took a sniff of himself. He'd been so steeped in Harry Styles sex, his nose had acclimated to it.

 

"Yes. You reek of sex and Styles," Zayn replied, voice clipped. He'd wanted to ask Niall if he wanted to smoke with him, but he'd changed his mind. He threw a glance behind him, trying to spot Liam. Liam was standing there, trying not to watch. Niall actually looked mortified. "Aw, man..." He looked around, thinking fast. "I'll -- I'll go to the gym showers, yeah? Will you be my lookout?"

 

Zayn's jaw worked a bit and he tried to reason with himself; Niall had every right to do whatever the fuck he pleased even if that entailed fucking himself over. "No. I need a smoke," he replied and looked away. He gave Liam a look as if to say 'this was a bad idea'. 

 

"Hey," Niall took his arm. "What's your problem?"

 

Zayn slowly peeled Niall's hand off of him. "Nothing. I just need a smoke," he replied. He needed 10 cigarettes. He could still smell that curly toff on Niall and it was making him annoyed and angry. He took a step back.

 

Niall looked flummoxed and hurt, even a little angry. "Any news on your grandfather?" he asked, needing to know that much before they parted.

 

"No," Zayn shook his head. "See you around." He gave Niall a curt nod and turned on his heels, desperate to get away. 

 

Liam followed him, knowing they had ten minutes to get to class. "What-- What happened?"

 

"Styles," Zayn sneered and pushed open the doors that led to the backyard, yanking out his pack of cigarettes more aggressively than needed. He lit one and took a deep drag. When he exhaled the smoke, he closed his eyes and tried to erase that musky, sweaty smell mixed with expensive cologne. 

 

"Why does it bother you?" Liam asked, his voice slow and steady.

 

"Because it's bloody ridiculous. That's why. He's only hurting himself and he can't see it." Zayn huffed out another puff of smoke. The nicotine did nothing to calm him and he ran an aggravated hand through his hair.

 

Liam took a deep breath. "Zayn... Sometimes when people get their hearts broken, they do stupid, crazy things. I mean, if I were you, I'd be grateful he hasn't tried more serious drugs. And frankly I'm grateful that he's not doing stupid, crazy things with Louis."

 

Zayn gave Liam a bit of betrayed look and he knew he was being ridiculous. "He might be, who knows," he muttered. 

 

"Wait, what? What? What do you mean? Did he say something? You said he and Harry were, like, lover-lovers, right?"

 

Zayn shook his head. "I don't know why I said that," he sighed. "I don't know, man. They've already slept together, wouldn't surprise me if they did again. Jesus, what the fuck does he even see in those two?" He looked at Liam, "No offense."

 

Liam wasn't thinking about Zayn's slight so much as he was thinking about the possibility of Louis having sex with two men that weren't him. He started pacing. "I'm... Zayn... I’m gonna go crazy. I'm going to go out of my mind crazy."

 

Zayn sighed and felt guilty for bringing those thoughts to Liam's mind. He watched him pacing for a few moments, before he grabbed his arm and forced him to stop. "They're probably aren't sleeping together, it's just something I said. Look, do you want me to mention that we're friends?"

 

"To-- To Louis? No. No, don't tell him. I don't want anyone knowing where I am..." He sighed heavily. "Honestly, I'm impressed you all have managed to keep it secret this long."

 

"Well, our connection is strictly business--and not one I'm happy about. I don't know why Niall hasn't told him yet." He shrugged and lit another cigarette. "Oh...um...Nicole kind of knows," he said with a sheepish smile.

 

"Nicole? You told her?"

 

Zayn gave a small, guilty shrug. "I didn't tell her. It was before you told me about what happened. It was that day you were at my place to do that project thingy. She just kind of texted me, asking if it was true that you went to our school. I can only guess that Niall told Styles who told Nicole. Really, I think Louis the only one who doesn't know the truth."

 

Liam sighed and leaned back against the wall. He winced, then said softly, "When does it stop hurting, Zayn? Jesus, when does it stop hurting?"

 

Zayn's gaze softened and he leaned against the wall next to Liam. "One day," he said and he nearly offered Liam a cigarette, then remembered he didn't smoke. "Time heals everything; isn't that what they say?"

 

Liam refused the smoke with a shake of his head and looked down at the ground. "That fucking Styles kid. I always... I always feared Louis was fucking him behind my back."

 

Zayn frowned. "If that's true, then he never deserved you. Seriously, Li, if he made you that insecure in your relationship then I can't imagine he's worth it. He's a bit obnoxious anyways..." Zayn bit down his tongue. "Sorry. I'm just bitter that he's butting into our business. We could have built it up on our own."

 

Liam sighed. "He's... He's..." He looked like he wanted to say something nasty, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. "He's really good with money, you're lucky to have him, you can learn a lot," he babbled reluctantly.

 

Zayn gave Liam a look. "Yeah. Sure. He has money, he doesn't need more, yet he still wants a cut of the profit. I mean, come on, that's kind of fucked up," Zayn said. "It's just...Niall and I started this up, we built it up from scratch and then some rich kid comes in to 'save the day'. Sorry, it just grates on my nerves. I'm only going along with it for Niall."

 

Talking of Louis and Niall was what was grating on Liam's nerves. He started pacing again. "Ok. We have to get to class. Let's just go to class and... I need to concentrate on something else."

 

"Yeah, me too," Zayn nodded and finished his cigarette, stomping the bud out. "Let's go."

 

~*~

 

Niall was between classes. He wanted to see Zayn to make sure things were cool between them, but his phone started ringing.

 

It was Ray calling. He was sitting in his study, seated back in large office chair, tapping his fingers lightly against his desk.

 

Niall immediately ducked outside into an alley. Ray never called him. It was always texts. Niall's heart was in his throat: he knew. He had to know about Harry. Shit. What if he'd seen the videos...? Panicking, he picked up the phone and said as steadily as possible, "Hello?"

 

"Hello, Niall," Ray replied evenly. "Do you have time to come see me after school? In my study. We need to talk."

 

"Um... I... Yeah... Is everything ok?"

 

Ray checked his watch. "4 pm sharp. Be on time." And with that, hung up.

 

Niall was one nervous little Irish-American bastard. He snuck to the Styles house like a thief in the night, crept through the halls, terrified that he would be caught by Harry. He made it to the office without being seen, but once inside, he was frightened for an entirely new reason. "Hi," he said softly to Ray, who was intimidating as hell right now.

 

Ray had been standing behind his desk, by the large window that overlooked the garden, the sun splashing over his features. Once Niall entered, he didn't turn around, just said in a low voice, "Take a seat, Niall."

 

Niall did, trembling a little. He took a deep breath to calm himself.

 

Ray used a few long moments just standing there and staring outside, knowing that every silent passing minute only had Niall more terrified. Good. He needed to be terrified. He slowly turned around and regarded Niall, face unreadable. He slowly strode to his chair and took a seat, eyes never leaving Niall. "Hello, Niall," he said. "How are you?"

 

"Fine. What's going on?"

 

Ray opened a drawer and extracted a framed picture of his son. He pushed it across the desk face down and gave Niall an encouraging gesture to turn it around and look at it.

 

Niall did. He swallowed, and shrugged as casually as he could. "What about it?"

 

"That's my son, Harry. You met him briefly a few weeks back," Ray said, conversationally, eyes cutting into Niall. "He's rather spoiled, and for some reason I can't fathom, he wants me to hire you."

 

Niall's eyes were huge when he looked up. "What? Why? As what?"

 

Ray scrutinized Niall. "I don't know. I have a hard time understanding why he still even remembers you. He's rather fickle. Maybe you can help me understand why?"

 

Niall stuttered for a few moments. "He... He, we... We have a mutual friend. We bump into each other on occasion."

 

Ray raised a slow brow. "You have mutual friends," he repeated dryly in obvious disbelief. It was impossible; this boy and Harry didn't mingle among the same social circle. "Are you lying to me, Niall?"

 

"No," he said. "We have a mutual friend."

 

"Who?" Ray asked steadily.

 

Niall narrowed his eyes at him. "Doesn't matter. What are you going to do?"

 

Ray's eyes turned into steely ice. "Have you been interacting with my son?" 

 

"Yes!" Niall spat. "Yes! I told you, I know him! I don't have any idea why he... Why he..." He trailed off. "He knows about my sister. That's probably why he asked to do this."

 

Ray stared at Niall for a long, nerve-wracking moment. His lips curled up in a cold smile, unnerved and irritated that Niall and Harry had been breathing the same air. "He hardly asked this out of the goodness of his heart. He wouldn't do it if there wasn't something in it for him."

 

Niall sighed. "I can't tell you. I don't know why he did this. I just need to know if I can keep my job."

 

Ray would have discarded Niall in the blink of an eye if he didn't still need him. He got to his feet and slowly made his way around the table to sit on its edge in front of Niall. He folded his hands over his thigh and stared down at Niall. "Has there been any indecent interactions with my son?"

 

"No!" Niall spat, knowing his job depended on it. "We just have the same friend!"

 

Ray cupped Niall's chin with his large hand and looked him hard in the eyes. "Are you sure? Because you've surely noticed how...persuasive Harry can be. He's surely been approaching you."

 

Niall looked away. "I don't know, man. I don't know what you want me to say. Whatever you want me to say, I'll say it. You know that."

 

"Tell the truth."

 

Niall's guilt was heavy on his face and he knew it. He looked at his knees, waffled for a long time and muttered, "I sell him weed..."

 

Ray searched Niall's face. He knew that Harry was irresistible, but he also knew that the reason Harry wanted Niall to work for him was to get a chance to bed him. If he had had sex with him, he'd hardly be this interested. That calmed Ray. "You'll keep your job," he said after a moment, "And...I'll have to hire you to appease Harry."

 

"Well... As... As what?"

 

"House keeper in the weekends," Ray got up and walked back to his plushy office chair. "The house maid deserves those two days off." Ray wrote something down. "Do I need to explain to you what is absolutely off-limits?" He lifted his gaze inquiringly.

 

"Well... I won't root through your personal-- Oh. You ... You're talking about Harry."

 

"Yes. I'm talking about Harry." Ray checked his watch, impatient. "As hard as it might be, I don't want you to give into him. Don't touch him. Don't talk to him more than necessary. Try to not look at him for too long." Ray got to his feet. "I have some business to attend to. The housekeeper will contact you."

 

Niall sat there, just trying to catch his breath for a second.

 

~*~

 

At first, when Zayn wasn't at the greenhouse meeting, Niall was relieved. "Louis, I need your help."

 

"What's up, beautiful?" Louis asked, patiently sipping his tea.

 

"You'll never believe what happened," he huffed. "Harry asked his dad to hire me. He grilled me last night, like he knows I slept with him... I'm going to do their housework on the weekend."

 

Louis stared at Niall with wide-eyed shock. "Wait-what? Harry asked him that? Why? And his father knows about you and Harry?"

 

"I don't know," Niall said softly, flopping down into a chair. "I don't know what Harry's thinking. Ray doesn't know what Harry's thinking and he's spooked to hell I'd humped his son. He told me I couldn't even look at him..."

 

Louis stared at Niall for one long moment. Then he got to his feet and took a seat close to Niall, grabbing him and looking at him with wide eyes. "Harry asked Ray to hire you to help you pay your sister's medical bills," Louis said, voice slowly hiking up to dramatic. "If it had been a few weeks back, I'd say it was to shag you, but he has already. He did this because he _cares_ about you and if he ever finds out about....if his father ever finds out..." Louis shook his head.

 

"Louis... You're freaking me out. This isn't that-- This isn't ... Please don't spook me right now. Ray isn't going to fire me, I just... I'll keep my head down."

 

"Listen, Niall, Harry ignored me all day yesterday and was a little snarky shit today," he said, voice insistent. "I've never seen him care about anyone the way he does you---Jesus, he waited up for you the other night!"

 

"Stop," Niall said sternly. "I don't want to hear this, Louis, it isn't helpful. I can't -- I can't ... care. I have to look after my sister, I have to... take care of myself."

 

"I understand that, Niall, I do..." Louis stroked down Niall's arm and sighed, "...but I have to look after Harry as you much as you might think he doesn't need looking after. He does. He really does and I just don't want to be caught between you two."

 

Niall sighed heavily. "Yeah. I get it. Where's Zayn?" He was fifteen minutes late.

 

Louis allowed the change of subject and glanced at his watch. "That boy is always late," he said with a shrug. "Call him."

 

Niall did as told, ringing Zayn's number.

 

Louis heard the phone ring for some time before it went to voicemail. He raised a brow. "He's not taking it?"

 

Niall shook his head, no, then left his message: "Hey, Zayn. Niall. We're wondering where you are. Is everything ok? Just send me a text. I... I love you, man, alright?" He added that last part because of a premonition.

 

"So..do we play the waiting game or do we reschedule the meeting?"

 

"I'll... I'll wait." He said with a soft sigh. Then he said, "I have a bad feeling."

 

Louis frowned. "His grandpa was in coma, wasn't he?"

 

"Yeah," he said softly. "That's what I'm thinking." Then it occurred to him: "Oh, shit! I stood Harry up yesterday! I was supposed to take him to see my sister!"

 

Louis was still a bit confused as to why Harry was so eager to meet Niall's sister. It was strange. "He's probably not happy about that," Louis said with a roll of his eyes. "He's busy arranging some charity event in the school today."

 

Niall pulled out his phone and started texting away to Harry: "HEY! I didn't mean to ditch you yesterday. We have to talk. I think you know why."

 

It took a few minutes before a reply bipped in. "I can't imagine why. You'll have to enlighten me, love."

 

'Your dad'

 

'Ah...that. You're welcome.'

 

'We need to talk.'

 

'Sounds serious. Tonight over dinner?'

 

'Sure,' Niall texted back, knowing he was getting set up for a date, but too exhausted to deal with it.

 

Louis had sprawled himself across the couch. "I don't think Pretty Boy is showing up," he said, "Want to watch a movie?"

 

"Yeah... I have to leave in a few hours, though... Harry will pick me up..."

 

Louis raised a brow. "Whaaat? Where are you going?"

 

"Just dinner... I need to talk to him about his father."

 

"He's picking you up for dinner? Sounds like a date to me." Louis raised his hands in surrender at Niall's look. "Not that it's any of my business."

 

"I'll talk to him tonight, Louis. I promise I will."

 

Louis shot him a smile. "Good."

 

~*~

 

Niall and Louis were watching the credits of some cheap chop suey flick when Harry texted him he was outside. Reluctantly, he lifted himself off Louis' chest and said, "I'll set everything right, I promise."

 

Louis reached up and gave Niall quick peck on the lips, clapping his cheek gently. "I know you will," he said, smiling. "See you later tonight."

 

"K. Love you," he said, grabbing his things and trundling out to Harry's car. He flopped into the passenger's seat and gave Harry an uncertain smile.

 

Harry tilted his face a bit and gave Niall a raised brow. "Is there something wrong, love?" he asked as he started the car.

 

"No, I'm just--" He sighed, reminding himself that Harry didn't mean to endanger his main money maker. "It was just weird... with your dad."

 

Harry let out a low hum. "A simple thank you would be appreciated."

 

"Thank you," Niall said, contritely. He looked at his hands, nervous. "I just-- I don't know if your dad wants me there. He was really suspicious."

 

"Of what exactly?" Harry asked even though he had a good idea. Of course he knew why his father was suspicious.

 

"Does he know we've slept together?"

 

"I don't advertise my sexual relationships to him, love," Harry said with a roll of his eyes.

 

"Well, he drilled me about it. I lied and said you knew me through a mutual friend. And I told him I sold you weed."

 

"Well, that was stupid. You should just have left it at the mutual friend."

 

"He wouldn't! He kept drilling me! He thinks you wanted him to hire me so you could fuck me," Niall shrugged.

 

Harry smirked. "I know," he said easily and pulled up in front of a small, cozy restaurant. He turned to look at Niall. "Is that all? You made it out to be something more serious."

 

Niall looked away for an instant. Of course, he could never tell him. "He says I can't even look at you too long."

 

Harry rolled eyes with a snort. "And? It's not like he's ever home. And you're only there for the weekends. I reckon the possibility of him ever finding out is non-existent." He checked his image in the mirror and ran a hand through his curls before turning back to Niall. "Now. Can we have a pleasant dinner without bringing up my lovely father?"

 

"Yeah, I just think -- Maybe we should stop sleeping together, you know? Just go back to being pretend boyfriends ..."

 

Harry who'd been reaching for the door stopped abruptly and he was completely still for a moment. Then he slowly turned around and studied Niall with a piercing gaze. He chuckled, very softly. "Did Louis put you up to this?"

 

Niall's shoulder went up in a half-shrug. "He thinks it would be a good idea..."

 

"And why exactly does he think that?" Harry asked evenly.

 

"He... I don't know," Niall huffed. "I don't know what he thinks. I just know it'll make it easier for me to keep this job!"

 

Harry looked at Niall for a small moment. Then he reached across the car and curled a hand in Niall's shirt, tugging him forward so their faces were inches apart. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want me," Harry said, voice low, hot breath fanning over Niall's lips. "Tell me you really want this to stop and..." His gaze dropped down to Niall's lips before slowly lifting it back to his eyes. "...and I'll end it for good."

 

Niall didn't want it to stop. He found such comfort and balm in Harry's bed and he craved it. It felt like a crutch holding him up as he tried to heal. "Of course I don't want to end it, Harry, but I have to think about my sister--"

 

Before Niall could say more Harry pressed their lips together in a searing kiss, pulling Niall closer by his shirt.

 

That got Niall's blood up and he was panting very softly against Harry's lips when he said, "Why? Why did you ask your father to hire me?

 

"Thinking too much over things ruins them," Harry replied before taking Niall's lips in his again, licking into his mouth, tasting him, nibbling his lips and then he pulled back. He softly traced down Niall's cheek with his fingertips and looked him deep in the eyes as he said, "He won't know. I promise." 

 

Niall frowned, uncertain of this. "Are you going to move back into the house?"

 

"Yeah," Harry said with a slight nod. That was the deal, after all. "Now. Can we go in? I'm starving." Before Niall could protest, he climbed out of the car.

 

Niall wasn't done. He followed Harry and smiled politely at the maître de as Harry gave his name. They were taken to a beautiful table, and Niall couldn't help but notice Harry would be dropping a good chunk of change on an impromptu date when he opened the menu. It set him a bit on edge and once the waiter had left, he folded the menu in front of him and said, "Because we are _fake_ boyfriends, still, right? I mean, it's all... just for show, right?"

 

Harry skimmed the menu once before putting it down on the table. He laced his fingers and rested his chin and gazed at Niall. "A show put on for someone who doesn't care, right?"

 

That was a bit of a slap in the face. Niall's face went a bit stony. "Yeah," he said, feeling himself close off.

 

Harry felt a twinge of guilt and he sighed softly. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "but the sooner you let go, the better."

 

"You don't have a fucking heart, Harry, you don't know what it's like," he grumbled, still aching from no return call or text from Zayn.

 

Harry smiled wryly. "And it seems like I'm better off the way I am." He didn't want to talk about Niall's unrequited love. "Are you ready to order?"

 

Niall shook his head curtly. "Order whatever you want," he said. "I'll be right back." He got up from the booth and went out onto the patio, dialing Zayn one more time, eager for an answer.

 

It rang and rang and was taken just a second before it went to voicemail. Zayn's voice exhausted voice sounded from the other end, "Hey."

 

"Hey!" Niall said, his voice going soft and all the coldness he'd had with Harry dissolving instantly. "Hey, you ok?"

 

There was silence on the other end for a long moment, the only thing there could be heard was Zayn's breathing. "...He's gone." Zayn's voice wavered a little, an almost unnoticeable hitch in his breath.

 

"Oh, baby," Niall sighed, not even regretting the slip. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

 

"There's nothing to do, is there?" Zayn said and he sounded so exhausted and worn. The house was packed with his family--aunties, cousins, uncles--family friends. It was all so suffocating. "I knew it was going to happen...but it doesn't lessen the pain."

 

Niall took a deep breath. He had a feeling he would be going through this soon -- but alone. "Is your family there?"

 

"Yeah..." Zayn was out in the backyard and he looked over at the house where people were milling around, he caught a flash of his father talking to some distant relative, sorrow printed in his eyes. He looked away, chest heavy and reached for his cigarettes. "...there's too many people." 

 

Niall took a deep breath. "You could come over to Louis' if you need to. I'm sure he wouldn't mind... I'm -- I'm out for dinner with Harry right now, but we could be back soon, if you need me..."

 

Zayn winced. He stuck a cigarette in his mouth and fumbled with the lighter for a few moments before he finally lit it. "No. It's fine, you can finish whatever you were doing with him. Liam is picking me up soon." 

 

"I... I could have Harry drop me off at my place. If you want to meet there..." He really wanted to offer Zayn a bed and a friendly cuddle for the evening, as was their standard in times of distress, but he didn't want to be needy.

 

That sounded a lot better. As much as Zayn had grown to love Liam and enjoy his company, he still wasn't Niall; it wasn't the same and would never be. "Yeah," he said gratefully. He heard an auntie calling his name from the house and he bit down the inside of his cheek. "I'll meet you there,” he said and ended the call.

 

Niall texted him. "I'll meet you in one hour. Is that ok?" He didn't want to stand Harry up. He knew the boy wasn't as heartless as Niall liked to pretend he was. He went back to the table and said, "Sorry. Did you order?"

 

"For the both of us," Harry said and looked intently at Niall for a moment. He knew he'd struck a nerve earlier, but the kid needed to hear the truth. He was about to say something when Niall's phone beeped with an incoming text: 'Now. Please.'

 

Niall sighed heavily. This was a choice he didn't want to have to make. He took a deep breath. "Zayn's grandfather died," he told Harry. "He's really, really torn up. I --" He looked up at Harry, almost wanting him to make the decision for him. "He wants me right now -- he needs me."

But before Harry could answer, Niall winced. "Shit. Shit. Just--" he ducked his head and texted to Zayn: "Can you give me one hour? I'll be yours for the rest of the night and all day tomorrow, I promise." It didn't seem unreasonable.

 

Harry watched Niall silently with perfectly unreadable features. He tilted his face a bit, eyes narrowing just a tad and rested his cheek against his knuckles. "Are you leaving?" he asked, voice cool though there was an irritated edge to his voice. He was offended, maybe even slightly hurt--this, he wouldn't even admit to himself--he'd just grown up with people always putting him first. Except his mother maybe, but that was another story.

 

"Not yet," Niall sighed. "I may have to make it fast. I'm sorry, I just-- He needs me. He really needs me right now and I know that I'm really going to need him, soon..." Niall's beautiful face was so sad. "I just feel like after not returning my call for hours and hours, he could wait one more. I told him I was out to dinner with you and... part of me fears it’s a power play, whether he knows it or not. I mean, one hour. That's not unreasonable, is it? That's not unloving?"

 

Harry frowned a bit. It was so obvious that Zayn was making Niall choose and it was bloody ridiculous. He reached out and took Niall's hand. "Not at all," he said firmly and convincing. "He can wait."

 

Niall swallowed. He looked at his phone. He needed an ok from Zayn to relax.

 

Harry watched him stare at his phone, but there came no reply. "Selfish little one, huh?" he said, before straightening up and flashing the waitress a charming smile as she poured them a drink.

 

Niall huffed hard. Then he texted. "Zayn. One hour. Less than that, now. Respond, please."

 

'It's alright. I'm drained, staying at Liam's tonight. See you tomorrow.'

 

Niall let his head drop to the table. "Motherfucker is getting passive aggressive with me." Niall was actually angry, now. "I mean, is it just me or is that really fucking selfish? He couldn't even take a shower, say goodbye to his family and get to my house in an hour." He threw his phone down on the table. "You know, I've never been in a relationship the entire time we've been friends? Never. Not once. So, every single time he's wanted something from me, I was just there. In a fucking heartbeat, I was there. But him? No! We'd planned going to see the openings of the Hobbit movie for months -- I mean, like, a fucking year, he and I had planned on camping out to be first in line. But what happened? Fucking Hillary Price shook her ass at him and he fucking dumped me. Goddamn dumped me, while I was carrying 50 lbs of camping equipment. And that wasn't the only time that happened. Ohhhh, hell no! Hell no! I've sat in the ruin of my house after my mom basically fucking tried to kill me, on my own, because he wanted to stay for the end of his sister's softball game. And I was fucking graceful about it! I was always Mr. fucking 'no, no, you have your life, I can't expect you to put me first!' Which was all I ever wanted of course, but he never fucking ...." Niall sighed. "I'm not being fair. Of course he did. But it's true that I was never in a relationship, that I never put anyone above him other than Amy. He just... He hates that I'm with you -- or that he thinks I'm with you. He just feels like he lost his... his number one henchman or something." Then Niall just dropped his head on the table, exhausted with it all.

 

Harry sat silent and patient through Niall's rant and once he was finally down, he reached out and softly stroked his arm. "You've done nothing wrong, love," he said. "He's, as I've already said, selfish." He looked up when their food arrived and the waitress gave Niall's slumped frame a look but didn't say anything. Once she was gone, Harry said, "Shall we enjoy tonight? I'm rather good at making people forget their problems."

 

Niall looked up at Harry and truly wondered if he'd gone out of the frying pan and into the fire. Really, Harry wasn't the one to be throwing around the 'S' word. Niall winced and texted Zayn, "I get the feeling you're angry at me for not dropping everything and running to meet you. You know I love you, right?" He hoped that last question wasn't convoluted.

 

'The only thing you'd be dropping was a fucking arrogant toff. Whatever, bro. Do what you want.'

 

"Oh, fuck no!" Niall said, getting up with an 'excuse me' to Harry and going back out on the balcony. He called Zayn, triggered as hell.

 

Zayn had just said goodbye to his one million relatives and siting on the curb outside his house and waiting for Liam to arrive when his phone rang. He saw it was Niall and let out a deep sigh; he didn't have the energy to do this. He took it. "What?" he asked tiredly.

 

"Zayn. I love you to death. And I feel for you so much right now. But you're really disrespecting me and I have to talk to you about it because I’m really angry right now."

 

"Niall...I really, really don't have either the patience or the energy to do this with you. My grandpa is fucking gone, gone for fucking good, so please, let me drown in my grief and misery."

 

"I will. Zayn, I will, but don't get angry with me for having someone in my life, ok? Please? Don't take this out on me. I wasn't asking much and you have to know how badly I want to be there for you."

 

Zayn's jaw clenched tightly and he looked down the street, hoping to see the headlights of Liam's car. "Ok. Have fun."

 

"Why are you angry with me?" Niall asked bluntly. "Why are you angry with me? Don't tell me it's because Harry is a toff, Zayn, because you know you dated some horrible fucking girls and I never once said shit to you about it."

 

Zayn's pinched the bridge of his nose and took a few calming breaths. "I'm sorry that I’m disappointed. I'm sorry that I thought a decade of friendship meant more to you than a rich kid who got your dick wet yesterday. I'm sorry that I thought you'd care more about the fact that I just lost my grandfather than some dinner you have with a toff. I'm so fucking sorry, Niall. Forgive me for that stupid mistake. Goodbye. I'll see you whenever."

 

"That is _not_ what's happening here and you know it!" Niall barked, so angry and hurt that Zayn would twist it around on him like that. "One hour, Zayn! A half hour's gone already, that was all I wanted! One hour for Harry and 48 for you! And you know I'd give you more, Zayn, in exchange for one measly fucking hour!" Niall's voice was wrought with how horrible he felt, how much this chewed at him.

 

Zayn saw Liam's car coming down the street and he got to his feet. "It doesn't matter now. You can have that hour and 48 more with him. I have to go. Bye." And he hung up, roughly shoving the phone back in his pocket.

 

"MotherFUCKER!" Niall roared, loud enough for half the restaurant to hear him. He spent several minutes outside, calming himself. He didn't want to be angry with Zayn, not when he was so grief-stricken, but by god, the man was infuriating. It took him a while for him to be presentable, and he marched back into the restaurant and sat across from Harry. "All yours," he said tersely.

 

~*~

 

Liam pulled up to where Zayn was sitting on the curb. He looked pale and drawn. "How you holding up?" Liam asked as the other boy piled into his car.

 

Zayn put on the seat-belt and slumped ungracefully in the seat, smelling of cigarette and grief. He glanced at his home with blank eyes and took in a deep breath. "Hurts a lot," he muttered and tore his gaze from his home to stare stiffly forward. "Can we go back to your place?"

 

"Yeah! Yeah, of course. It's just me and my mom tonight, dad's out of town. Have you eaten?"

 

Zayn scratched the stubble on his chin absentmindedly. "I don't know--I don't think so..." Everything after he'd gotten that phone call had felt like a blur and there was a big ball of grief clocking his throat; he couldn't get anything done. "I'm not hungry."

 

"Ok. If you get hungry, we have lots of food... Just -- whatever you need man, ok?"

 

Zayn gave Liam a ghost of a smile. "Thank you."

 

Liam reached over and gave Zayn a quick squeeze on the knee, but pulled his hand away. He wasn't sure how Zayn was with physical contact. He drove in silence to his house and welcomed Zayn inside. Mrs. Payne was there, in her bedclothes. She offered Zayn a weak smile. "Hi, honey. You poor thing." She was a mom and therefore couldn't resist giving him a hug. "You help yourself to whatever you want in the fridge, alright and -- Liam, you know where the -- y'know is, if he wants a little."

 

"Of course, mom. Thanks."

 

Zayn shuffled after Liam to his neat and organized room, his mind floating elsewhere. He sat down on Liam's bed like an old man and took a deep breath. "...it's weird, ain't it," he said, staring at the wall, "...one day they are there, the other day they're gone and all you can think about is if just you had a last chance to tell them how much you love them." He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth for a moment and chewed on it. "He used to tell me that I was his favorite grandchild, give me this little smile and say I shouldn't tell my siblings or my cousins because they'd get jealous..." Zayn usually didn't talk about his family like this with others ---except Niall maybe---but the words were just pouring out and he couldn't stop them. His visions were becoming blurred with tears. "...I never visited him as much as I should have..." The warm tears trickled down his cheeks and he couldn't stop them even if he wanted to.

 

Liam sat at his feet and let him speak all he wanted. When he broke down, he carefully took his hand and said, "Zayn... Even if you had visited him every day, you would've thought of something you could have done better when he passed. It's a trick of grief -- it isn't justified. He knew you loved him."

 

"I never told him..." Zayn said, voice broken, "I never really told him I loved him, not since I was a child...I just..." he shook his head, sniffling, "He was the best...literally the best...he fled from a shitty little village in Pakistan with three children and his wife--and, and he lost one of his children...my dad's little sister...because they didn't have clean water to drink and when they came here he faced racism and islamophobia and he couldn't even speak the language and he still worked countless of shitty jobs to put my dad and aunt through high school and college and....I've always been so ungrateful." At this point, Zayn had buried his face in his hands, voice wet and muffled, shoulders shaking.

 

Liam couldn't stand it. He swiftly removed Zayn's shoes, then lifted his feet up on the bed so he was reclining. Then he took him in his arms and held him tight. "He knew, Zayn," he muttered softly, over and over. "He knew... I promise he knew..."

 

Zayn clung to Liam like he was his life-line, body shaking with barely suppressed sobs as he let out everything he had been holding in since seeing his grandfather's body covered by a white sheet. Memories spent with his grandpa flashed through his mind, every smile shared with him, every bedtime story, and it only made him cry harder until he felt like he couldn't breathe.

 

Liam just rocked him and held him through it. His grip, just by nature of his physiology, was stronger than Niall's. He was immovable, unlike Niall, and his voice was deeper and steadier than Niall's when he soothed him.

 

At some point, Zayn's tears ran dry and he was just sniffling against Liam's soft cashmere sweater. "Sorry," he muttered against Liam's chest, "I ruined your shirt."

 

"Not a problem," Liam said easily. "Can I get you something? A glass of water?" He didn't want to leave before Zayn ran out of tears.

 

Zayn was silent for a while, eagerly absorbing the warmth and comfort he found in Liam's arms. He pulled himself together and sat up. He reached into his jeans and pulled out a joint. He stared at it and remembered that the weed wouldn't make him feel any better right now, so he pocketed it again. He looked at Liam. "I want to get drunk," he said, eyes puffy and red, beautiful face grief-stricken.

 

Liam kissed his forehead. "That's what my mom meant about the 'other stuff'. But I'm gonna make you go easy on it, ok? And drink lots of water. House rules," Liam said as he got out of the bed.

 

Zayn let out a soft scoff. "Yeah...I figured that much..." He dried his wet cheeks and waited for Liam to provide him with sweet, alcoholic escape.

 

When Liam returned, he had a glass, a bottle of whiskey, and a jug of water. "Water first," he insisted.

 

Zayn let out a soft sigh and reached for the water, downing a half-glass full of it quickly before reaching for the expensive looking bottle of alcohol. He put it to his mouth and gulped it down. He grimaced a bit. "Strong."

 

"Well, it's whiskey," Liam laughed softly. "Now more water," he said, pouring Zayn's glass full. "You going to take school off?"

 

Zayn ignored the water and took another swig, licking the drops off his lip. "Yeah..." he muttered around the mouth of the bottle. He couldn't imagine going to school tomorrow or the day after. He took another swig.

 

Liam took the bottle from him. "Water," he insisted. "You're going to feel no less grieved but way more hung over tomorrow if you don't drink water. Got me?"

 

Zayn already felt a little wobbly, could already feel the alcohol flow through his veins. He blinked at Liam slowly and reached for the bottle. "Give me the bottle."

 

"Drink the water, Zayn." That rarely seen, unpredictable authority was coming out, the kind that immediately made you feel like you were in the room with your dad -- or a cop.

 

Zayn stared at Liam. "No," he said, somewhat petulantly. "Are you going to force me?" He reached out again and grabbed the bottle and tried fruitlessly to pull it out of Liam's iron-grasp, "Come on, give it."

 

Liam took his wrists and carefully pried them off. "The water won't kill you, Zayn," he said patiently. "But I can tell by the look in your eye you want to drink until you're a skidmark on the road. What kind of friend would I be to sit by and watch that happen? Drink the water -- for me."

 

Zayn let out a dismayed huff and took the water, drinking it. "Happy?" He grabbed the bottle and took a long swig, his throat burning with it. He dried his mouth with the back of his hand and let out a deep sigh. "Get drunk with me." He looked at Liam through half-lidded eyes and offered him the bottle, "Come on."

 

Liam shook his head 'no'. "I don't drink."

 

Zayn rolled his eyes hard and took another swig. "Once won't kill you," he muttered and then took another swig. 

 

Liam just shook his head no, resolutely. When Zayn had been going at the bottle pretty hard, he took it away and handed Zayn more water. "Have you told Niall yet?"

 

Zayn's whose body had relaxed from the alcohol tensed up at once and he looked away. "I don't want to talk about him," he said, voice slurring and jaw clenching. He was probably in the middle of having sex with Styles. Zayn reached for the bottle and sighed hard when Liam held it out of his reach. "Leeyum..." he slurred, accent thicker than usual, "Let me have this...just please let me do what I want."

 

"You are soused, bud," Liam laughed softly. "No."

 

Zayn sighed deeply and leaned into Liam, staring longingly at the bottle. "He's fucking Harry Styles," he grumbled and absentmindedly touched the wet spot on Liam's shirt. "Harry fucking Styles. He's a toff..I hate toffs so much. Except you, Leeyum...you're pretty cool."

 

Liam laughed again at that. "Thanks, Zayn," he said. "Why is it so bad he's sleeping with Harry? If he's in love with someone else, it will probably get your relationship back to the way it was faster."

 

Zayn snorted. "He's not in love with Styles. It’s just sexual...they're all in some weird sexual relationship...." Zayn sighed and rested his cheek against Liam's broad shoulder. "...it's stupid..."

 

"Don't let it bother you," Liam kissed his head. "People usually only sleep with Harry once before he ignores them forever."

 

Zayn frowned. "I'll kick his ass so hard if he hurts Niall...but Niall would rather fuck him than be here with me when I need him..." Zayn tilted his face to look properly at Liam and gets distracted by the birth mark and pokes it then let out a soft, drunk giggle before planting a kiss there.

 

Liam just smiled at the kiss. "You asked him to be with you tonight?"

 

Zayn nodded. "Said he was at dinner with Harry...ridiculous. .."

 

Liam was appalled. He pulled back to look at Zayn. "He... Seriously? He just ... He couldn't even come by afterward? He just said no?"

 

Zayn shrugged. "Said he'd come after an hour...made me mad..." Zayn pushed a hand through his hair and put his head back on Liam's shoulder. "If it was him, I'd come in a heartbeat..."

 

Liam got his arm around Zayn and held him against his chest. "I know," he said softly. He hadn't held anyone in so long. He sighed and squeezed him tighter. "You're a great friend, Zayn."

 

Zayn lifted his face and looked at Liam, sadness etched under the haze of drunkeness. "Thank you...you too, Leeyum.." He tilted his face and pressed a kiss into Liam's lips.

 

Liam's eyes closed. God, Zayn had magnificent, soft lips. He didn't kiss him back, per se, but he stroked his knuckles down Zayn's cheek, not knowing what to do.

 

Zayn's impaired judgement translated the soft caress as permission and he curled firmly against Liam's firm, strong body and clutched the front of his tearstained shirt, pressing more firmly against his lips. It felt nice, being held by someone bigger, stronger.

 

"Zayn--" As the sober one, Liam had a responsibility. "I have to be... I have to be ... I can't take advantage of you."

 

Zayn was latching onto that feeling rather desperately and he held Liam against him, gasping very softly against Liam's lips. "I need this...I feel like I'm losing my mind...please.." He looked up at Liam with large, amber eyes closed with grief and misery.

 

"You're-- You're drunk, Zayn, you... This would be a mistake." But, God, he was the same size as Louis. His body remembered what it was like to hold him, to be in charge of him.

 

Zayn would deal with all that in the morning, all he knew was that he needed a distraction stronger than alcohol to keep that crushing feeling at bay. He draped his thigh over Liam's hips and kissed him hard.

 

This was Liam's first experience with a boy that wasn't Louis. Frankly, he didn't think himself capable of being aroused by any boy that wasn't him. But he hadn't been touched in so long -- in truth, hadn't touched himself in so long and Zayn's mouth was so... With a grunt, Liam lifted Zayn up and rolled him over onto his back, giving him fierce, sucking kisses on his neck as he worked Zayn's pants open.

 

Zayn threw his head back against the pillow, giving Liam free access to his neck. He panted softly ran his hands down Liam's broad shoulders and pulled his shirt up to get to the warm skin underneath.

 

Zayn was beautiful. As much as his heart ached for Louis, he wasn't blind -- Zayn was gorgeous, maybe even prettier than Louis. He pulled Zayn's pants down his hips and folded his hand around Zayn's cock, stroking him purposefully.

 

Zayn gasped, his dick reacting eagerly to the big, warm hand wrapped around it. And Zayn wasn't going to question that another boy ---that wasn’t Niall-- was getting him hot and bothered: that could wait; right now he was just going to enjoy this. He pushed his fingers up under Liam's shirt, feeling up the muscles under his warm skin. He gave Liam's shirt a hard tug. "Off. Get it off. "

 

Liam did as he was bade, his body far larger, stronger, firmer, more masculine than Niall's. Liam kissed him hard, forcing him back into the pillows and went back to work on getting him off with his hand, using every trick that had ever made Louis whimper and mewl, hearing those sounds in his mind.

 

As soon as Liam's upper body was exposed Zayn began feeling him up with his hands, stroking up the toned muscles and carefully playing with his nipples. His cock was throbbing in Liam's hand, his ministrations earning moans and soft mewls from Zayn.

 

Liam was panting. God, Louis used to feel him up like that. He would fondle and play with Liam's chest, sometimes when Liam was opening him up, other times, after they'd come and Liam needed to regain his strength. The memory made Liam curl his fingers into Zayn's hair and kiss him hard, his fist pumping with determination.

 

Zayn was obviously not quite used to being dominated like this, he was always in charge but right at the moment he happily gave over to Liam. He kissed him back, panting harshly and moaning into the kiss. He could feel the tension curl tight and he broke the kiss to throw his head back with a hitched moan. The tension snapped and he clutched Liam's bicep as he came.

 

Liam opened his eyes to watch Zayn come. He was perfect, his rosy mouth parted in a pant, his body ached up in Liam's arms. He could see why Niall was absolutely enchanted by him. Zayn was perfect. With a sigh, he pulled the tissues from the night stand and cleaned up what he could.

 

Zayn panted, staring up at the ceiling, a glaze over his eyes. He let Liam clean up the mess before he perched up on his elbows and cautiously reached for another kiss.

 

Liam kissed him, but ducked his head away, a little ashamed. "Um... We should probably sleep..."

 

Zayn blinked, his long lashes fluttering, mind still clouded. "Aren't you...don't need help?" He asked and clumsily reached for Liam's clothed dick to return the favor.

 

"It's -- No. No, it's ok." He wasn't going to let Zayn do anything for him while he was drunk -- it weirded him out. "It's funny," he said softly. "I was pretty sure you were straight." Hell, he was pretty sure _he_ was straight -- mostly.

 

"Let's not...not right now.." Zayn muttered and ran his hand along the width of Liam's shoulder, a bit enchanted by how broad they were compared to his own. "...don't wanna think about it.."  He kissed Liam again, because well, as long as he concentrated on the feel of Liam's lips, he could ignore the sharp ache in his chest.

 

Liam wasn't sure what they were 'not' doing, but if Zayn wanted to kiss him, that was fine. He kissed him back, in between throwing away the tissue and tucking Zayn back into his shorts. "Sleep with jeans off or on?" he asked, nuzzling into Zayn's lips.

 

"Off," Zayn said with a soft sigh and helped Liam peel the jeans off of him. Once they were off, he curled on the bed, blinking sleepily.

 

Liam tucked Zayn's head into his neck and stroked his shoulders. "Sleep," he said softly.

 

Zayn tucked tighter against Liam's body, "Thank you..." He muttered almost unintelligible and his lashes fluttered against Liam's neck, once, twice and he was out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to reach us:
> 
> GV:  
>  Twitter: @gvbutterworth  
>  Tumblr: gvbutterworth
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> Miraal:  
>  Kik: @Miraal07


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends!
> 
> Recently, Twitter decided to Permanently Suspend my account, and because they have no customer service whatsoever, I don't know why, nor can I get them to review the situation or send me even the scantest information. I am also banned from creating new accounts...
> 
> Because of this, I would be ever so grateful if you would share this work as far and wide as you possibly can! Instead of a kudos, how about a share? I would appreciate it so much, as my advertising platform has been cut in half.
> 
> As always, I am forever grateful for your readership and support :)
> 
> Best wishes,  
> GV

 

Niall sat in the car, staring out the window, clearly obsessed with the recent interaction.

 

Harry glanced at him and rolled his eyes a bit. “Do you want me to drive you home or to Louis?”

 

"Home," Niall said softly, trying to shake himself out of his funk. "Sorry, Harry. I'm sorry. You wanted to have a lovely evening and I got distracted and... I'm sorry."

 

"Happens I guess," Harry said smoothly as he directed the car to the less nice part of town. "How's your sister?"

 

"The same. She's been a bit more alert in the past few days... Are you -- Are you going to go home soon?"

 

Harry made a noncommittal sound and gave a slight shrug. He didn't feel like going home just yet and it wasn't like that house had ever been much of a home. However he knew that now that his father had done his part of the deal Harry didn't have much choice left.

 

"Are ... I ... I wish I could offer you some place to stay... I know you don't want to go back..." He sighed. "My house is... It's... You'd... It's not for you."

 

Harry gave Niall a glance and smirked. "I am good at adapting to my surroundings," he said. "You look like you'd rather be alone though. Don't worry about me. You know I have plenty of places to stay."

 

Niall reached over and took hold of Harry's arm. He didn't want to be alone -- he dreaded being alone, but he knew Harry wasn't the person to solace him.

 

Harry didn't comment, but didn't shake Niall's hand off either. He reached Niall's apartment complex and pulled up. He looked up at the dilapidated building. "Do you want me to come up with you?"

 

"I'm embarrassed to have you see how I live," he said, honestly.

 

Harry smiled softly. "Don't be. I won't run away screaming." He smirked and killed the engine, getting out of the car. "All I'm worried about is someone stealing my car."

 

"It's too advanced for these thugs," Niall smirked. "But I understand if you don't want to leave it."

 

Harry grinned. "I think I'll take a leap of faith. Now, Horan, invite me into your humble home."

 

Niall smiled, charmed by that. "Ok," he said softly. He took Harry's hand as he led him into his building. The closer they got to his apartment, the harder it was for him to lift his eyes. He was practically leaden by the time they got to apartment 355 and he fumbled with his keys, hoping Harry would just disappear, or that he'd gone magically blind or something.

 

Harry waited patiently for Niall to open the door, softly playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, hoping to calm him down a little. Once Niall finally got the door wrenched open, Harry stepped inside the tiny apartment that seemed smaller than his own room and looked around curiously. He caught sight of a painting and walked up to it, studying it. "Your mom like art?" 

 

"Her brother made that," Niall said dully, aware of the stained and burned carpet, the stale smell of trash that hadn't been taken out, the broken blinds, the dilapidated sofa, the broken vases, the discolored wall paper. He was mortified.

 

Harry nodded and didn’t seem deterred by the poor state of the place. He walked towards one of the opened doors. "This is your room?" He asked and walked in without permission. His gaze was immediately caught by a framed image of Niall and Zayn that seemed to be from a few years ago. He took it and studied it. "You had braces. How cute,” he said with a simple smile.

 

Niall followed him a smirked. The room hadn't been updated since he was a toddler. Everything was robots and spaceships -- fit for a five year old. He huddled in the door and nodded. "Wasn't he cute back then?"

 

Harry raised a brow and looked at Zayn who looked about twelve years old. "No," he said, "You're cuter."

 

Niall walked in the room and looked over Harry's shoulder. Honestly, he couldn't even see himself when paired against Zayn. "Thanks," he said softly, leaning into Harry's arm. "I wish I could see you at eleven..."

 

Harry smirked and put the photograph back down. He turned to Niall and stole a quick kiss, "Then I'll invite you to my room one day. Soon." He turned to look at the rest of the room and said with a slight chuckle, "Though, I must say my interest were definitely different from yours when I was a kid," he said and lifted up a plastic robot, inspecting it.

 

"No robots?" Niall asked, knowing full well what was in Harry's room.

 

"No robots." Harry put it back down and sat on Niall's bed with the childish cartoon sheets. He ran his hand along it and smirked. "A real turn-on," he teased, "A bed with spaceships."

 

Niall looked away, embarrassed. "We don't -- We don't have a lot of money to... I mean, you know... You're the nicest thing we've ever had in this apartment."

 

Harry chuckled softly. "You could use that as a pick-up line," he said, grinning. "You're a real flatterer, aren't you? So, the object of your unrequited love isn't the nicest thing that has been here?"

 

Niall blushed. "Well, he's not fancy like you. You look like you've been Photoshopped all the time."

 

"I'll take that as a compliment," Harry said with a smirk and laid back down on Niall's bed and stared up at the ceiling where there were plastic glow-in-the-dark stars. It made him smile. He nuzzled the pillow. "Smells like you," he said with a low hum.

 

Niall carefully came over and sat next to him. Harry looked so out of place in his room, like a Monet in a shitheap. "You can stay if you want..."

 

Harry rolled onto his side and gazed up at Niall. He then grabbed him and without warning pulled him down next to him, rolling on top of him and straddling his hips. He leaned down and stroked his face with a finger, gaze intent and focused. "I have so many places to be, yet the only place I want to be is here...with you," he said softly. "And I can't understand why."

 

A brief flash of panic went through Niall, then. He didn't want Louis to be right about this. He couldn't deal with the emotional burden of safeguarding Harry's heart right now. "Um..." Niall dropped his eyes, not ready to have this conversation. His fingers curled nervously into Harry's knees. "Yeah, I'm glad you're here, too..." he said sort of lamely.

 

Harry lifted Niall's chin so he could look into his eyes and he smiled a bit, leaning down and kissing him sweetly. His phone vibrated insistently in his pocket and he pulled away with an irritated sigh, fishing it out from his pocket and checking it. "God. This guy can't take a hint," he said and rolled his eyes, shutting his phone down entirely. "He's convinced that I want him as my date for the White Ball."

 

Niall's eyebrow went up. "What's a White Ball? And who is he?"

 

"A school dance--ancient school tradition," Harry drawled with a bored hand wave. "And the guy is one who gave me a blow job a few days ago. For some reason he's convinced we're soul mates. Bit of a stalker, creeps me out."

 

Niall was a bit startled to learn that Harry had had sex with someone who wasn't him since they'd hooked up. He tried not to be hurt by it and instead take it as proof that Harry was up to his old tricks. "He just has a crush on you. Are you going to go with Louis?"

 

Harry tilted his face. "No. Why would I go with Louis?" He looked thoughtful for split-second before a mischievous smirk spread across his face. He got off Niall, pulling him into a sitting position. He dropped down to his knee on the floor in front of Niall and took his hand. "Niall Horan," he said dramatically, blinking solemnly up at him. "Would you do the honor of accompanying me to this dance?"

 

"Oh, Jesus," Niall scoffed, pulling his hand away and rolling back on the bed. "I don't even go to your school!" he laughed. "And dances totally aren't my thing. You should take Louis -- he'll need someone to take his mind off Liam."

 

Harry rolled his eyes and got to his feet. "Don't you just live for breaking the rules?" He walked over to Niall's music collection and ran his fingers down the albums, pleased that Niall had all the classics. He found a slow ballad and popped it in, turning to Niall with a smirk. "You haven't lived before you've danced." He took Niall's hand and tugged him to his feet. "May I have this dance?"

 

Niall didn't want to, to the point that he almost resisted. Things had gotten increasingly uncomfortable since Harry had come over. But when he pulled Niall against his chest and Niall got to rest his head on Harry's shoulder, he actually relaxed a little bit, finding some succor in letting Harry gently rock him back and forth.

 

"Just feel the music and follow me," Harry near whispered in Niall's ear, guiding him patiently with him. "You know you smell of a mix of Louis' shampoo and my cologne."

 

Niall made a little scoff as if there was something funny about that. "You've made me a new man," he smiled, wondering if it was actually true. "Like Pretty Woman..." he said it before he realized how appropriate the simile was. It made him a little sick to his stomach.

 

"Yeah?" Harry pulled back and dipped Niall playfully. "Is that your secret?"

 

"That I'm a pretty woman?" Niall smirked. "Yes."

 

Harry chuckled softly. "That's not what I meant." He curled his fingers tighter around Niall's hip and pulled him flush against him. "Is that how you pay your sister's bills?"

 

Niall pushed him away immediately. "Harry -- fuck," he hissed. He wanted to say something, something that would make Harry leave that path of investigation entirely, but such panic was racing through his head that the words weren't coming and he charged out of the room and went into the kitchen, just to get away.

 

Harry stood back in the room for a small while. He had suspected it, of course he had; it had been the only thing that had been the logical explanation. The only thing that could provide enough money for hospital bills and the only thing that would need such secrecy. However, Harry had hoped that he's been wrong. He took a deep breath and cautiously followed Niall. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "It's none of my business."

 

"No, it isn't," Niall snapped, furiously doing the dishes that were in the sink. "In fact, I think you should leave."

 

Harry hadn't expected that. He blinked. "I'm not judging you," he said then, knowing that he was making matters worse. "Really. You're doing the only thing you can do."

 

"Harry, get out," Niall said, stiffly, still not turning to face him. "I'm serious, get out."

 

Harry swallowed a bit, shifting on his feet. He mentally berated himself for not thinking before speaking and he let out a soft sigh. "I'm sorry." With a last lingering glance, he turned on his heels and left.

 

Niall finished the dishes mechanically. When he was done, he kicked off his shoes and curled up in the bed, trying to ignore the fact that he was shaking. He'd been carrying a lot for so long with no one to help him. He dropped in and out of consciousness, but the tremors woke him up around four in the morning. Knowing it was inappropriate and probably detrimental, he took out his phone and texted Zayn, 'i miss you' and 'i wish you were with me right now'.

 

Zayn stirred awake in the early hours of the morning, mouth tasting like road-kill and an explosive headache throbbing along his temple. He was fit snuggly against Liam who was dead asleep. Zayn laid there with his head against Liam's rising and falling chest for the few minutes it took for the memories to come rushing back. Once he remembered last night, the first thing he felt was shame. He began extracting himself from Liam as carefully as he could and rolled off the bed, gathering his scattered clothes as silently as he could.

 

Liam shifted slightly as if to reach for him and made a soft noise that sounded eerily like 'Louis', but otherwise he didn't wake.

 

Zayn winced hard and quickly pulled on his clothes before departing. He snuck out of the house without any problems and only breathed normally once he was a few blocks away. He pulled out his phone and saw the texts from Niall. He stared at them for a few moments then took a snap decision and got on the bus to Niall's place. He knocked on the door, knowing he probably looked like something that had been dragged from the pits of hell.

 

Niall blinked awake at the first knock, thinking he'd only dreamed it. At the second knock, he instinctively knew who it was and he practically leapt out of bed and to the door. When he saw Zayn standing there, he smiled. The boy looked like he felt. He didn't say anything, just took hold of Zayn's coat and pulled him into his arms, squeezing him desperately.

 

Zayn sagged in Niall's arms like a deflated balloon, burying his nose deep in Niall's neck and hugging him back like he hadn't seen him in decades. The hug didn't last long though as the next second, Zayn pulled away, green in the face. "Sorry," he croaked and then he flashed past Niall and into the bathroom. He barely made it before he threw up into the bowl.

 

Niall followed him with a big glass of water. He could deduce what Zayn had done last night. He waited for Zayn to settle back and gave him the glass. "C'mon," he said, helping him up and leading him to the bedroom.

 

Zayn was shaking a bit, looking pale and miserable. He ungracefully flopped down on the bed and gratefully took the water, gulping it down. He looked at Niall with red-rimmed eyes. "Have any pain-killers? Feels like my brain is imploding."

 

"Yeah. Hold on." He left and returned with two tablets which he put in Zayn's hand. "Do you want me to make you breakfast or do you want to sleep more?"

 

Zayn kicked off his shoes and fell back down on the bed. "Come...sleep with me," he patted the space next to him.

 

Niall got into bed behind him and immediately spooned up around him, pressing his forehead into his neck and squeezing tight.

 

Zayn's relaxed against the familiar embrace and let out a soft sigh. He didn't say anything; there really wasn't anything to say. He just took Niall's hand and laced their fingers, giving a small squeeze.

 

~*~

 

Louis heard his door open and he just assumed it was Niall, so he cawed from the living room, "I'm watching something scary, so come snuggle me!"

 

Harry entered the living room and surveyed the scene. Louis was wrapped in a big, fluffy blanket with a bag of chips and a shitty movie running on the TV. "Hi," he said and dropped down on the couch.

 

"Oh. You. Where's Niall?" He rearranged his blankets so they were covering Harry as well.

 

Harry pushed his feet onto Louis' lap and reached for the bag of chips, giving the screen an uninterested glance. "He's at his home. He threw me out."

 

Louis was a little shocked. "Whoa..... Why?"

 

Harry slowly turned and looked at Louis. "Did you know that he doubles as a prostitute?" he asked bluntly.

 

Louis went a little pale. "Um." He turned off the television. "He talked to you about that?" He couldn't imagine Niall ever telling Harry about Ray. That was unfathomable.

 

Harry studied Louis. "Of course you knew," he said dryly and scoffed a bit. "No. He didn't tell me."

 

"How -- What did he say?"

 

"It's kind of obvious, isn't it?" Harry shrugged a bit. "How else would he be able to pay for his sister's bills...no wonder that he's so good with his mouth."

 

Louis winced a little. "Don't be crass, Harry..." He sighed. "So, it's over? Your... affair or whatever it was?"

 

Harry turned his gaze on Louis. "No. He's just a little mad. He'll come around by tomorrow."

 

"Why's he mad? Harry--" he said, feeling that Harry might've done something really stupid and hurtful. "What did you do?"

 

Harry sighed. "He said that he was like Pretty Woman in the movie and I asked if that's how he paid the hospital bills. He shut down completely and told me to leave." Harry chewed on the inside of his cheek, feeling guilty and feeling annoyed that he felt guilty. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

 

Louis was relieved it didn't go further than that. "We can't imagine what he's been through, Harry. I mean, we really can't. Not with our lives."

 

Harry pushed back and rested his head against the arm rest, staring up at the ceiling. "Yeah..." and he'd had a suspicion for a while now, which is why he'd asked his dad to hire him, so he could stop selling his body to lonely, old men.

 

Louis chewed on his nails, watching his beautiful best friend. When the curiosity got too hot, it burst from him like steam through a kettle: "Are you falling in love with him?"

 

Harry face snapped up and he stared at Louis. "Don't be an idiot," he said steadily and he tried not to think of how lately, he was thinking about Niall even when he wasn't there, that he cared about Niall more than what was necessary, that he wanted to be in his company when he wasn't. It didn't help though and everything he had been holding at bay, came rushing forward.

 

Harry felt his heart leap in panic. No fucking way. He promptly crawled on top of Louis. "Let's fuck."

 

"Harry--" Louis whined, struggling beneath him. "Cut it out!"

 

"Oh come on," Harry said and pinned Louis down, latching onto his neck. "I still remember how it feels to have you underneath me."

 

That did make Louis go a little soupy. "And here I thought you'd only ever crave Niall's cock ... I don't suppose you'd let me fuck you?"

 

Harry pulled Louis flush down on his back and crawled between his legs. "You can't top, Lou," Harry said with a smirk and began working on Louis' clothes, tugging his shirt up. "Your ass was made to take a cock." 

 

"I resent that!" Louis choked, sitting up. "I'd do you just as well as Niall and you know it!"

 

"Hush," Harry shushed and pulled the shirt off of him, throwing it to the floor. He shoved Louis back down and began sucking on his nipples. "Just admit that you've missed my cock."

 

Louis sighed, sinking his fingers into Harry's curls and lifting his hips. "Of course I've missed your cock," he cooed. There had been a point in his life where he'd wanted Harry to love him so badly. Times like this made that old wound hurt again.

 

Harry sucked and flickered Louis' nipples until they were hard nubs. He lifted his face and gave Louis a deep kiss, working his pants open. "I'll give it to you tonight," he said in a sexy drawl, dragging his lips along Louis' jawline.

 

Even through his lusty haze and his Harry-addiction, Louis couldn't help but wonder if Niall would be bothered to learn they'd had sex without him. He stroked his hands up Harry's back, helping him take off his shirt and he asked, conversationally, "You fuck around on Niall? Like -- that's ok between you two?" He didn't mean to make it sound like he actually thought they were in a relationship, it was just how it came out.

 

Harry pulled Louis' joggers and socks off and dived between his warm thighs, kissing along the tan skin. "Let's not talk about Niall right now," he muttered against the warm skin. "I missed your thighs."

 

That actually made Louis groan and he pushed into Harry's mouth, stroking him encouragingly. "I just.. I don't want to, y'know... If he's ... I mean, he's my friend, you know? And business partner... I don't want anything to get messy..."

 

Harry emerged from Louis' pretty thighs and moved up to look him in the eye. "We're not together," he said, punctuating each word and sounding more irritated by it than he meant. "He's in deep, pathetic love with his useless best friend." He crawled back down and rubbed a finger against Louis' rim, poking it in slightly.

 

"Right," Louis gasped, turning puddly. "Ok... Harry, kiss my hole."

 

Harry did as he was told, licking down Louis' crack and planting a wet kiss against the twitching, bundle of nerves. "You're so tight, aren't you?" he asked, nudging in deep and licking his way inside.

 

Louis gasped. "Niall was my last time..." It had only been a few days ago, but Louis ran on the tight side. His toes curled into the cushions before he pulled his knees back.

 

Harry fingers that had been feeling up Louis' belly, dug into the skin at the mentioning of Niall. Harry concentrated on eating Louis' out, feeling up his thigh, playing with his dick and balls. He came up for air and licked his fingers, wriggling one inside of Louis.

 

Louis groaned deeply and reached for him, pulling him into a slutty kiss. "We should do this more," he panted into Harry's mouth. He knew why they hadn't -- Louis had been too heartbroken to get back into something so cheap with Harry again.

 

Harry kissed him back hungrily. "Finally," he said, sucking bruises into Louis' neck. He had been dismayed when Louis had put a stop to their 'thing' and once Liam came into the picture, he more or less stole all of Louis' attention away. "Tell me you're finally over that dude."

 

Louis just grunted. In fact, in that very moment, he was thinking about how Liam would take him -- like a ravenous animal and how it turned Louis on so fiercely he felt like he was going to come the second Liam pounced on him. "Just finger me already, Styles..."

 

Harry smirked. "Bossy." He pushed two fingers inside of Louis dry heat and moaned a bit at how tightly he was around him. He began moving the fingers, curling them. ""It's Halloween soon...reminds me of last year when you dressed up as a fucking cat. I've never been that hot and bothered before. "

 

Louis smiled at him as Harry's fingers worked in and out of him. "I was with Liam and you couldn't touch me," Louis taunted, kissing Harry's jaw. "Liam got to fuck my cute kitty butt...."

 

Harry pushed a third finger along and finally found that soft button, pushing against it to silence Louis. He smirked and grabbed his hair, kissing his open mouth filthily. "I hated him," he said with a slight growl. "He was possessive. Don't you remember? He'd barely leave us in a room alone as if I'd jump you the second I had you alone. That insecure little boy."

 

Louis was squeaking and wiggling, incoherent for a minute as Harry teased his nub. "He was right!" He finally gasped, "You were -- AI!! You came onto me constantly!"

 

"Well, excuse me for having withdrawal -- and don't act all innocent, you were a fucking tease." Harry pulled his fingers out when he deemed Louis open enough and reached for the lube that was still sitting under the table.

 

Louis took a deep sultry breath and gave a slow, full-body writhe. "Liam would fuck me so hard if he thought I was flirting with you. You have no idea. It didn't matter where we were. Even when we were at restaurants, all those private conversations he wanted to have were him hauling me into an alley and pounding into me so hard, I thought I'd need a cane for the rest of my life. Oh, God!" The recollection made his cock bob. He missed Liam's ferocity with a passion, missed his big hands, the way he would just snap like a wild animal. He whimpered pathetically, missing his mate.

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard as he worked himself out of his own pants, stroking his dick slowly. "You're the kind of guy that once he get into a relationship, he drops his friend," Harry said and circled a lubed finger around Louis' winking hole. "You neglected me, Lou."

 

Louis sighed and dropped back. "Liam got too jealous. Not-sexy jealous. He thought you were trying to steal me--" He took Harry's hand and pressed it flush against him, wanting him to stop teasing. "I told him you weren't capable of love, but he didn't believe me." Louis reached over and started stroking Harry's thick pole. "Guess you could say he was the first to have faith in you."

 

Harry snorted and lubed up his dick, grabbing Louis' knees and spreading him open. He pushed into him, groaning for every inch that disappeared inside and he didn't stop until his balls hit Louis' trembling backside. He curled over Louis' smaller body and kissed his face. "He was a pain in the ass. End of story. I'm just glad he's gone," Harry said, panting softly. 

 

"Shut up, Harry," Louis bit waspishly through his breathy pants. "Don't -- oh, god -- Don't you talk shit about Liam."

 

Harry rolled his eyes and bit down a snarky comment; there was a place and time for that, but this certainly wasn't. He gave Louis a few moments to adjust before he began thrusting in a long, deep pace. "Christ..you're tight."

 

Louis clung to his shoulder blade. "Hard, Harry," he gasped. "Take me hard..." After talking about Liam, he needed something to shatter his brain and distract him from the dizzying pain in his heart.

 

Harry obeyed and slung Louis' leg over his shoulder, nearly bending him in half and drove him into the couch, slamming harshly into him; the sound of slapping skin obnoxious in the spacious living room.

 

Louis' whines became higher and he sunk his fingers in Harry's hair. It was working -- the pleasure was becoming a world of its own and Louis felt lightening shooting out of his toes. He loved bottoming -- as much as he wanted to top Harry, he adored a hard, throbbing cock plunging in and out of him more than almost anything else in the world. It didn't take him long to come and when he did, he started demanding, "Come in me! Harry, come in me, I want to be wet! Full and wet!"

 

"You're such a little slut," Harry grunted, fresh beads of sweat matting his curls and glistening along his chest. He grunted, his cock dripping precum and he managed a few more, sloppy, shallow thrusts before he came hard, emptying inside of Louis.

 

Louis mewed into his neck, kissing him hedonistically over his neck and shoulders, giving him a small hickey on his collar bone. "Oh, that was so nice... Oh, that was just what I needed," he groaned.

 

"Me too," Harry said, panting harshly. He could barely keep his weight off of Louis. "You're as wonderful as I remember, dear," he said with a smirk and kissed Louis.

 

Louis grinned. "Staying here tonight?" He saw the way Harry was procrastinating on going home and he couldn't blame him.

 

Harry hummed and nuzzled Louis' neck. "Yeah. If you don't mind." He carefully pulled out of Louis and reached for the tissues, cleaning them up. He gave Louis' tummy a kiss before he got to his feet and wandered into the kitchen, feeling hungry for a snack.

 

Louis sighed. He draped a hand over his head and groaned, "Fine, but you have to carry me up to the bedroom!"

 

~*~

 

When Niall woke, Zayn was still in his arms. The poor guy looked like he'd been hit by a bus -- and then drowned. Luckily, he was still breathing. His hair had grown out somewhat and Niall tucked it gently behind his ear.

 

Zayn stirred awake and blinked at Niall. He immediately closed his eyes with a small sigh. All he wanted was to curl under the blanket and sleep into the next year.

 

"Need more aspirin?" Niall asked softly

 

Zayn shook his head slightly, the small movement causing his brain to wobble in his skull. He let out a soft grunt of pain and blindly groped for his phone. He checked the time and was surprised to see that it was well over noon and several missed calls from his family. 

 

"Let me just get it for you anyway," Niall said softly, leaving and returning with a full glass of water and two tablets.

 

Zayn got up in a sitting position, wincing for every move that sent jolts of pain through his head. "Thanks," he muttered as he took the offered water and pain-killers, quickly swallowing them. "I should probably head home," he said softly. "Is it alright I take a shower?"

 

"Y-Yeah," Niall said, wanting some way to delay him, to keep him here. Being this close, this cuddly, Niall could only feel how very much alive his love and desire for Zayn still was.

 

Zayn gave a faint smile and muttered another 'thank you' before dragging his corpse-like body to the bathroom. He stood under the cascading water, feeling so exhausted by being sad and miserable. Last night's events flashed before his mind and he let out a small mortified sound, ashamed. He didn't think he could ever face Liam again.

 

He stumbled out of the bathroom, dripping wet and towel wrapped low on his hips. "Any chance there any left-over clothes of mine here?" he asked, scratching the back of his head. He couldn't get back in his old clothes, they stank of alcohol and cigarettes.

 

Niall swallowed and immediately looked away at the sight of Zayn's bare chest. He immediately blushed, knowing he was caught and stuttered stupidly for a few moments about how, "I haven't -- it's... If I c-- there's have-- Have some-- t-take mine. If you want."

 

Zayn's smiled softly at Niall's flushed, stuttering state. "Cute," he hummed and walked up to Niall's closet, shifting through his clothes, a thing he'd done a million times before. "Oh. I bought this for you," he said and pulled out a hoodie with a marijuana leaf print; Zayn had bought it as a joke around the time they started up the business. "Why don't you wear it more often?"

 

The truth was, Niall adored it. "I was afraid if I wore it to school, the teachers would try to confiscate it... And if I wore it while we were selling, well... Didn't really want to draw attention to all that. I love it, though." He came up next to Zayn and rubbed the material between his fingers.

 

Zayn smirked. "It's pretty sick," he folded it and put it back, pulling out a white t-shirt and pulled it over his bare chest. He found a pair of jeans that looked like they'd fit him alright and dropped his towel to pull it on.

 

Niall politely looked away. When he looked back, Zayn looked so good in his clothes it hurt. He approached, picking off imaginary pieces of lint just for a chance to be close to him. "I'm... I'm really, really glad you came over," he said softly.

 

"Me too," Zayn said sincerely. He wished he'd come over last night to avoid that shameful night with Liam. Just the thought made him want to crawl under the bed. "I'll call you, yeah?"

 

Before he could just walk away, Niall took hold of his hand, keeping him there. He seemed to choke on the words he wanted to say, the questions he wanted to ask him.

 

Zayn stopped up and looked at Niall. He could sense that he wanted to say something and encouragingly squeezed his hand. "What's up, Ni?" he asked, softly, warmly.

 

Niall shook his head and took his hand away, too embarrassed. "Nothing. You're beautiful. It's nothing. You want to be with your family. I understand."

 

Zayn studied Niall for a moment. He cautiously brought his hand up, resting his knuckles against Niall's cheek. "You're beautiful," he said sincerely. "I'm happy that I know you."

 

Niall felt like he was trembling, but couldn't be sure. Zayn was so close it made him stupid. Without thinking, he leaned in and kissed Zayn on the side of the mouth and just started babbling, "I need to go visit Amy today, anyway. The school hasn't even called me about all my absences; I don't think they even care anymore, which is nice. I mean, they probably called when my mom was here, but as soon as they talked to her, they were like -- but I mean, you know--"

 

Zayn didn't think when he leaned in and shut Niall up by kissing him firmly on the lips.

 

Niall made a soft noise and then he was trembling for sure. This didn't feel like a friendly kiss. This was a lover's kiss and it was making Niall tingle in all the right places. He chased after Zayn's lips the second the other boy moved away, but relinquished them shortly thereafter. He rested his forehead on his friend's, not knowing what to say.

 

Zayn was breathing a little harder. He stared into Niall's eyes for a few long, intense moments before he carefully put his hands on his friend's hip. "We'll be alright," Zayn said, voice a bit hoarse. "Shit's gonna happen and the world is going to fall apart, but we'll be alright. As long as we have each other." Zayn squeezed Niall's hips and gave a coy smile. "At the end of the day it's us two, just like it was from the start."

 

"What--" Niall took a deep breath. "What do you mean by that?" He was trying to not get his hopes up -- willing to believe that when Zayn said, 'the world is going to fall apart, but we'll be alright' he was talking about telling his parents he was in love with a boy and letting that be 'the world falling apart'. However, Niall's hopes weren't high.

 

Zayn just smiled and stroked down Niall's cheek, very softly, very gently. He thought of how much this boy meant to him and he knew that this rough patch they were going through would only make them stronger, maybe break them apart, but they'd find a way back. He was about to say just that when his phone vibrated insistently in his phone. He gave Niall an apologetic smile and pulled his phone out. "It's Wali...She wants me to come home. I should go." He looked at Niall and gave him a tight hug. "Say hi to Amy from me."

 

Niall just closed his eyes and sighed. This was how it was going to be, then. Niall in pain with nothing to do about it. "Ok," he said softly. When Zayn looked again, there was another text on his phone as well. It was from Liam and it said simply, 'Call me'.

 

Zayn swallowed hard and pushed the phone back into his pocket. He knew he was going to avoid the inevitable for as long as he could get away with. He looked at Niall with a last smile, "I'll call you." Then he departed.

 

"Fuck my life," Niall told the empty room.

 

~*~

 

As soon as Zayn answered, Liam started in with, "I understand you're going through some really rough stuff, mate, and of course I feel for you about that, but skulking off in the morning without saying goodbye and ignoring my texts really isn't fair and it makes me think we did something dirty and wrong, which we didn't, and I'm hurt that you saw fit to treat me that way." It was pretty much all one breath, even if it was a really steady one. "And that's all I have to say on that."

 

Zayn blinked and stared at the wall for a few long seconds. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely, scratching the back of his head. "I'm just...I'm really sorry about last night. I shouldn't have done that. It was inappropriate. I more or less molested you. That was not cool, and I'm so sorry. Shit. I'm sorry for not calling you back earlier...I um...had a lot on my mind." 

 

"I know," Liam said. "I know you have a lot going on. I just want you to know... What happened last night, I didn't take it seriously. We were just... two boys... getting off. It's not a big deal. We don't have to act like it was a big deal. We've both done it before."

 

Zayn bit down the inside of his cheek. It was a big fucking deal that he apparently got off with another boy and that only opened up to more confusion and questions about what Zayn actually liked. But if Liam wanted to make it not so big deal, then Zayn was all for pretending it never happened. "Yeah...sure," he said slowly. "Good. We cool?"

 

Liam heard it in his voice. He heard that doubt and fear in that small pause between 'yeah' and 'sure'. He slowed down and took a calming breath. "I don't mean to railroad you. If you want to talk about it, I'm happy to talk about it with you, Zayn." And it was clear he meant it.

 

"No. no, it's fine. Let's just...it's no big deal, right? Let's just move on from it and it'd be cool if we could pretend I didn't crawl on top of you." And that he was slightly mortified by how enchanted he'd been by Liam's broad shoulders, his muscles, how easily he could hold him down. Zayn threw his head back against the wall. Dear God. This was bad.

 

"You were drunk," Liam said warmly. "You were drunk and terribly upset and... Yeah. It never happened. Unless you ever want to talk about it. But until then it never happened. And yes: We're cool." Then he shifted tactics, "How are you? You need anything?"

 

Zayn happily shoved all the doubts and the fear to the back of his mind; he seemed to be getting terribly good at that. "I'm good," he said, "I mean I'm ok. And thank you, Liam. For putting up with me. You're an A+ friend."

 

Liam just chuckled softly. "Thanks. If you want to come over tonight, you're welcome to. My mom's making chicken enchiladas."

 

Zayn grinned. "Sounds delicious. I have to drop by the greenhouse first. There's a few things I want to fix there."

 

"Ok. I'd like to see that some time -- when Niall doesn't come and chase me off."

 

Zayn smirked. "Do you want to come with me today? He is visiting his sister so I strongly doubt he'll be there."

 

"Yeah! That'd be great! Should I come by in an hour?"

 

Zayn checked the clock on the wall, "Yeah, that’s cool." 

 

"K. I'll see you then!"

 

~*~

 

Niall sent two texts. To Louis, he sent: 'Zayn just kissed me as if it didn't mean anything'. To Harry, he sent, 'You want to meet my sister tonight? I have to drop some stuff by the greenhouse'.

 

He got a text back from Louis within seconds: 'What!? Do you need me to kick his ass?’. It took a few minutes before he got a reply from Harry, "I'd love to. Any chance that you'll invite me to the greenhouse as well?'

 

A few seconds after Harry's, there was another text from Louis. 'Don’t bring Haz. Take me.'

 

'Ha!' He texted Louis. 'You’re my boss, I think I'll bring you. Maybe Harry can carry some stuff. I got fertilizer'

 

The reply was from Harry, 'We'll pick you up. Where are you?'

 

'Home'

 

'We'll be there in 10.'

 

~*~

 

"This... This is amazing," Liam said upon walking into the structure. "You grew these? Holy shit! You grew all this??"

 

Zayn felt that same swelling pride he always felt when his plants were acknowledged and he didn't think anything else could make him feel like that. He was grinning as he led Liam further inside. "Yup. It's pretty sick, isn't it?" He caressed a nearby plant affectionately, looking at it like was it his first-born. 

 

"It almost makes me want to smoke weed!" It was the highest compliment Liam could think to pay.

 

That made Zayn laugh, beyond pleased. "It actually began with a joke," he told as he moved around easily, tending to the plants and moving pots around. "Niall and I were at this party and we were offered this horrible bud, so we joked that we might as well grow our own. And well, we kind of ended up doing it."

 

"I hear it's really good," Liam said. "I mean, I've heard a lot of rumors that it's really good. Whatever that means," he shrugged shyly.

 

Zayn stopped was he was doing for a moment to look at Liam, smiling. "I don't want to pressure you or anything...but would you like to try? Just one hit?" He didn't want to corrupt Liam, but he couldn't help but be eager to see Liam high on his weed.

 

"No," Liam laughed softly. "Thank you, but no. I will support your passion without indulging in it."

 

"So prim and proper. How are we even friends?" Zayn said with a soft laugh, "If you weren't Liam, I'd find you boring and stuck-up. But you are pretty cool."

 

"Thanks?" Liam said with a laugh. "I'm... I'm... Well, obviously I don't have to tell you how I feel about what went down with Louis, but... if one good thing came out of it, I really feel like you're... Well, you're kind of my first real friend."

 

Zayn shot him a grin. "I'm honored," he said and continued to work on the plants. "But hey...I don't you to take this the wrong way but…" He sighed softly and took of his gardening gloves coming over to sit on the edge of the dirty couch. "...I think you deserve to move on from Louis."

 

Liam took a deep breath. "Thank you. It's difficult because I wronged him. Because I think I'll always be obsessed with making it right; with daydreaming about how it could've been between us." He was quiet for a few moments. Then he said, "I really feel like Louis shouldn't have been my first. I feel like I should've experimented with boys for a long time and met Louis when it was time to settle down."

 

Zayn listened attentively and nodded slowly. He played with a loose string on his jumper and then said as casually as he could. "I thought you were straight."

 

Liam looked a little surprised. "Well, I thought I was, too -- that was the problem. I mean..." But then he clued in. "You're talking about last night, aren't you?"

 

Zayn chewed on his lip and slowly turned to face Liam. "...I uhm...I know I was the one to say we should pretend it never happened, but that's a bit hard, innit?" He looked away and ran a hand through his hair. "I mean...I'm not even sure if you were into it at all---too drunk to notice anything really...but uhm...I was into it. Which just means it isn't just Niall...and it scares me as much as it makes me curious...opens up a whole new door, huh?"

 

Liam took a deep breath. "Yeah, I don't... I don't know. You're -- I mean, I'm... I'm attracted to you. I think." He sighed his deep breath out. "I've been trying not to think about it too much. I mean, I couldn't even say I was drunk. I guess... I guess I'm just bi. I've been coming to grips with a lot about myself lately and... I mean, I gave up my school, my friends, a good shot at my future, and I told my parents about Louis, so... So what? So what if I'm bi on top of all the rest of it?"

 

Zayn took a deep breath as well and slowly let it out. "You're right," he said slowly, something inside of him shifting. "So what? Does it really matter that much who you get off with? I mean it shouldn't be this big deal as everyone makes it out to be. Your sexuality shouldn't be the most important part of you. It's shouldn't define who you are or what you can do."

 

Liam smiled at him. "I don't think so. And trust me, I've thought about it a lot."

 

Zayn returned the smile and leaned back into the couch with a sigh. He was silent for a small while. "...And...I'm obviously attracted to you, too...just throwing that out there."

 

Liam looked a little thrown by that, for some reason. He said awkwardly. "Does that have something to do with you thinking I should... move on?"

 

Zayn blinked and turned to look at Liam. "What? No! No, not at all. I'm just saying that to you as a friend..." Zayn trailed off awkwardly.

 

"Oh. Ok. Cause I thought... Y'know, Niall...."

 

"What about Niall?"

 

"Well, I figured... You were in love with him. Or something. So..." he trailed off.

 

Zayn swallowed a bit and thought about earlier today. He shook his head and took a deep breath. "...so, you still want to get back with Louis?"

 

"I don't think that's possible," Liam said softly. He noticed Zayn didn't answer his question. He came to sit next to him on the sofa and carefully put his hand on Zayn's knee.

 

Zayn had successfully banned all visuals of last night from his mind but now that he looked down at Liam's hand; the very same hand that had pushed him down the bed and down the front of his pants. He swallowed. He wanted to knock Liam's hand off of him or possibly move to the other end of the couch, but he didn't want to make things awkward. So he just stared stiffly forward.

 

Liam got the message. "Sorry," he said, awkward, immediately taking his hand away. "Sorry," he got up and moved away. "I just thought you might want to-- Doesn't matter."

 

Zayn's gaze snapped to Liam. "Might want to--what?"

 

Liam looked uncomfortable in his own skin and shrugged lopsided and off-balance, "..... Experiment?"

 

Zayn felt his cheeks heat up and he rarely blushed. He took a deep breath and patted the space where Liam had just been. "Ok...come back here." 

 

Dutifully, Liam did as he was bade. He sat next to Zayn, his breath a bit quick, but held himself rather neatly and primly.

 

Zayn's heart was picking up speed and he tried to find his usual confident self, but this wasn't a girl he was trying to woo, this was a boy, this was Liam. He licked his lips and carefully turned his body so he was facing Liam. "Do you want to....?" He trailed off and then he just sighed, "Fuck it," and went for it, leaning in and taking Liam's lips in his.

 

Liam was immediately on board. He wrapped his arm around Zayn's waist and pulled him close, gathering him up so he could press him back into the sofa and crawl on top of him. Liam didn't do things by halves.

 

Zayn was turned on to new highs almost instantly. Liam using his strength and big hands to guide him around was apparently what set his blood on fire.  He instinctively wrapped his thighs around Liam's hips to keep him there. He never thought he'd love another man's weight on top of him. He kissed him deeper, pulling him in by the nape of his neck, licking into his mouth.

 

Liam settled into his hips and kissed him deeply. His response wasn't as acute as it was when kissing, say, Louis, but Zayn was beautiful and his lips were plush and willing and Liam loved the feeling of his skin when he pushed his hand up the back of his shirt.

 

He was getting a bit lost in their kisses when suddenly, a clay pot exploded against the wall just inches above his head. The shrapnel scattered across him, cutting his cheek. When he turned to see what the fuck that was, he saw Niall standing there with murder in his eyes.

 

"This is what you fucking use our greenhouse for?!" he roared.

 

Zayn froze completely, hands curled tightly in Liam's shirt, eyes frozen wide. "N-Niall?" He stuttered out and then he caught sight of two other figures entering the green house. Harry and Louis. Zayn swallowed hard when he caught eye-contact with Louis, who'd been carrying gardening equipment but dropped it all upon the scene before him, his skin going white. "L-Liam?"

 

Liam had gotten to his feet, about to charge Niall and teach him a lesson about throwing objects at people, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Louis. His jaw dropped open and he stared, speechless. When words finally came to him, all he could say was, "I'm sorry."

 

"You fuck!" Niall screamed at Zayn, tears blurring his vision. "You _fuck_! You _FUCK_!" Then he tore away, into the abandoned parts of their greenhouse, having nowhere else to go.

 

The only thing Louis could do at that moment was turn on his heels and storm out, wounds re-opening and bleeding.

 

Zayn got to his feet, straightening his shirt and without thinking went after Niall.

 

That left Harry and Liam alone and Harry crossed his arms and eyed Liam with cold eyes. "Hello, Payne," he drawled. "You're just as big pain in the ass, as you've always been."

 

"Fuck you, Harry Styles," Liam said with bone-chilling sincerity, made all the more vicious for that Liam very, very rarely swore. Magnetically pulled in that direction, he followed after Louis.

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard and looked after Liam before glancing at where Niall had disappeared; this was not how he'd planned to spend his day.

 

Niall had found a crumbled stairway and he curled beneath it, as if he hoped the tight space would keep him from flying into pieces. Zayn found him after several attempts at calling his name. He knew the greenhouse as well as Niall and could easily determine where the boy might hide. Once he saw his curled, pale figure, he called again and very cautiously approached him, "Ni? Niall...it wasn't ...it's not...we were just.." He trailed off, swallowing hard.

 

"Get the fuck away from me," Niall sobbed. When that didn't seem to take, he screeched it, "Get the fuck away from me!!"

 

Zayn flinched. "It wasn't anything serious. It was just...we were just experimenting and...Niall. Please. It wasn't anything _serious_." He approached him, wary that Niall might actually attack him.

 

"Fuck off!" There was a broken bit of railing under the stairs that Niall took hold of and swung lazily at Zayn. He wasn't trying to hurt him, but it was a clear warning.

 

Zayn paced back, but made a snap decision and moved swiftly, grabbing Niall's hands. "Niall. I'm sorry. Please, just listen to me, babe."

 

Niall freaked out. Like a wild animal, he fought until he got free and then he took off again, going deeper into the dilapidated old building.

 

"Niall! Niall--wait!" Zayn went after him and managed to catch up to him, grabbing his arm and yanking him back. Desperate, he grabbed hold of Niall's chin and kissed him hard.

 

Niall struggled and jerked back, pushing Zayn off him just enough to pull back and punch him right in the cheekbone. Zayn stumbled in a way that might have seen him landing in a pile of dangerous, rusty metal scrap, but he managed to right himself; however the threat of seeing Zayn possibly get impaled was enough to calm the hysteria in Niall's mind and bring him back to his senses somewhat. "I don't -- I don't--- Fuck, Zayn. Why would you--? Why would you do that to me?"

 

Zayn clutched his cheek, grunting softly. Jesus, Niall hit hard and that going to form a nasty bruise.  He looked at Niall, wide-eyed and out of his depths. "I'm sorry. I just..Niall...I just like kissing you and I'm obviously attracted to you but I'm also confused. You told me you were with Harry, didn't you?"

 

Niall winced. "Fffffuck! Fffuck!" He gasped slightly. "It doesn't fucking matter. It -- I don't even care anymore, fuck, Zayn... Did you honestly think I fell out of love with you?"

 

Zayn shook his head. "I don't know...no..." He ran a hand through his hair. "No. But...Liam and I were just...experimenting...and I know I promised you I wouldn't do it with anyone but you, but...when we did it, it only made matters worse."

 

"No," Niall flung his arms over his head as if he could block the world out. "No, no, no, no, no, no..." It was the reaction of an abused child who didn't want his mother hitting him anymore. He just didn't know what else to do. "No, just leave me-- leave me alone, Zayn. I don't," his breath was hitching, interfering with his speech, "I don't want to talk to you, I don't ever want to-- I can't-- Just leave me alone."

 

That reaction made Zayn's heart drop to the pit of his belly. He absolutely resented himself for being the cause of this and mentally cursed himself to the depths of hell. He wanted so desperately to make everything alright again. He took a few cautious steps forward. "Babe...I'm sorry...please tell me what I can do to make it alright...you know I never want to hurt you."

 

"Leave me alone!" Niall screamed. "I'm fucking begging you, leave me the fuck alone!"

 

Zayn winced back, shoulder slumping in defeat. He could see that he'd fucked up royally and the possibility of fixing this was non-existent. He swallowed. "Ok," he said, backing away, "I'm really...really sorry." With a heavy heart, he turned and walked away. 

 

~*~

 

"Don't you fucking dare come anywhere near me."

 

"I won't," Liam said softly, holding up his hands innocently. "I won't, I promise." He just stood there and stared at Louis. He couldn't help it. "You--" he said stupidly. "You got more beautiful."

 

That only felt like a stab. "Seems like you've found someone more beautiful," Louis snapped and crossed his arms as if to protect himself. "How the fuck do you know Zayn?" The name was sneered out and Louis wanted to kill Zayn. After he'd killed Liam. 

 

"When I left Madison, I went to Taft. Zayn and Niall saved me from being attacked by some bullies." He carefully put his hands down, hoping Louis wouldn't see it as an act of aggression.

 

Louis stared at Liam, open-mouthed. "What? Niall knew you?" He swallowed, feeling betrayed as hell. "Why wouldn't he tell me---and what the fuck are you wearing?" He said when he noticed the clothes that seemed to have been purchased at Walmart, a far cry from Liam's usual upscale clothes. He still looked good, fantastic even, but Louis wasn't going to admit that.

 

"It's -- They're -- They're hand-me-downs," he said clumsily. Then he flexed his hands a few times, trying to get a grip on himself and he said sincerely, steadily, "It's so good to see you."

 

"Well, it's not good to see you," Louis shot back snarkily, even though his heart yearned for this stupid boy. "Especially when I find you on top of my business partner, who just happens to be the love of my friend's life! What the fuck!"

 

"I thought Niall was with Harry," Liam said steadily. "And you stopped returning my calls and texts months ago."

 

"Shut up! That's not the freaking point! Niall is still in love with Zayn and Harry is in love with Niall and Zayn is apparently sucking your dick! Everything is a royal fuck up and you're so lucky I'm not kicking your balls right now!"

 

"We're not-- It's not like that," Liam said, coming forward, wanting to touch him so badly. "Zayn and I -- we just wanted to see if we were attracted to boys; not just you and Niall. We were just ... experimenting."

 

Louis took a step back even though his body wanted to fall into Liam's strong, familiar arms he had to remind himself that he wasn't going back there. His jaw clenched tightly. "Good for you," he said coldly; even though the thought of Liam with Zayn made him feel incredibly insecure. "Harry!" He shouted, "Get Niall and let's get the fuck out of here!"

 

"Don't--" Liam took a deep breath. "Louis, please let me see you again. Some time. Please, let me apologize, let me explain--"

 

~*~

 

Harry hadn't known what to do. He found everyone ridiculous and melodramatic and he sat on the edge of the sofa with a heavy sigh, wanting to know the outcome with Niall.

 

Zayn walked back to the front of the green house, barely noticing Harry, too swallowed up in guilt. He caught sight of him though and his directed his anger at him. "Get the fuck out," he said coldly.

 

"Where's Niall?" Harry asked, unimpressed.

 

Zayn's jaw clenched, "None of your damn business. Get the fuck out."

 

Harry shot him a dagger glance out of the corner of his eye. "Don't get shitty with me; I'm not the one who fucked up." It burned like fire in his chest that Niall was so into Zayn and seemed to only give him scraps.

 

Zayn walked right up to Harry and returned the glare. "Listen to me, you spoiled brat, you might have gotten everything your greedy finger pointed at up to this point, but Niall will never be interested in something as rotten as you."

 

"You don't fucking know me, gutter punk," Harry snarled right back, shoving him in the chest. " _I'm_ the one he comes running to when you shit all over him and _I'm_ the one he's going to be with tonight!"

 

Zayn shoved him right back and got right up in his face. "You don't know him. You don't know shit about him and you might be the one to be with him tonight and the night after that. But in the end, you'll leave and I'll be the one left. Like always."

 

"I'm not leaving," Harry glowered down at him, nostrils flaring slightly. "I'm not leaving and you'd better fucking get used to it. Admit it -- you royally fucked up and he's done with you. If he wasn't before, he is now."

 

Zayn's face fell for a second, because he knew that he'd really gone and done the unfixable tonight. He swallowed hard and shook his head. He stared at Harry. "You aren't going to leave? Why? You aren't going to tell me that you've fallen in love with him or something, are you?" 

 

It was Harry's turn to flinch a little bit. The grounds of reality were getting a bit soft and he wasn't sure how far he was pretending and how far he was telling the truth. "What's it to you? So what if I have? He needs someone who won't treat him like shit -- he deserves it!"

 

Zayn let out a mocking laugh, "Jesus. You're the last fucking soul on this planet that'll treat him right. I fucking hate you rich kids waltzing in and thinking they're saving the day. Go fuck yourself, you fucking prick."

 

"Oh, yeah, _I'm_ the fucking prick! _I_ was the one making out with his best friend's ex in your special place. Yeah, sorry, I forgot that's how you're supposed to treat people you care about! You're fucking scum, Zayn."

 

"He brought scum like _you_ here and he's fucking my friend's ex, isn't he?" Zayn automatically defended himself. He shook his head. "Shit. I'm not going to waste oxygen on you. Fucking toff. Go to hell." He shouldered past Harry and stormed out.

 

~*~

 

Niall was where Zayn had left him, but he had curled up on himself on the floor. He was easy to find -- his little 'hic's echoed through the abandoned building.

 

When Harry saw what destroyed state Niall was in, he regretted not punching Zayn. "Hi, love," he said softly and approached him carefully. "Let's get you home, yeah?"

 

Niall nodded, but he didn't move.

 

Harry gathered him up and helped him onto his feet, hugging his body tight to his. "I'm sorry." He whispered, stroking down Niall's back. "You'll be alright."

 

Niall sniffled and clung to Harry's shirt. "The worst part--" he pressed his face into Harry's shoulder. "The worst part is he hasn't done anything wrong... He just--" hic "He just doesn't love me."

 

"You'll find what you're searching for in someone else," Harry said before he even had realized he was going to speak and his own words unsettled him a little. He pulled a bit back and kissed Niall's forehead. "A nice bath and a good night's sleep will make you feel a lot better. Let's go."

 

He tucked his head against Harry's chest and held him tight, letting the taller boy lead him from the ruins.

 

~*~

 

"Don't-" He took a deep breath. "Louis, please let me see you again. Some time. Please, let me apologize, let me explain-"

 

Louis stared at Liam, but quickly averted his gaze, afraid that if he looked too long at what he'd craved for the past few months, he'd give in. "No," he said firmly. "Do you...do you even have any idea how much you destroyed me doing what you did? How it pulled me down in a black pit of depression? How long it took me to function properly? Fuck you, Liam. You ruined me and left me to drown. Just fuck you." Louis was frustrated when he felt the tears stings his eyes.

 

"I know," Liam said, coming forward and taking Louis' shoulders in his hands, pulling him closer and stroking him. "I know, I'm so sorry, I'm so terribly sorry, Louis, it was the guilt; I couldn't face you after what I did, I couldn't face what I'd done, that I love you, what it meant, I never, ever wanted to hurt you," Liam was babbling, knowing he had so little time before Louis would push him away and he had tears slipping down his cheeks, but he fought past them to keep speaking. "You're all I've thought about for so long and I would do anything to make it right, Louis, anything you want me to do, please, please let me make it up to you."

 

Louis almost caved upon seeing the sincerity behind Liam's tears, but just then, he caught sight of Zayn storming out of the green house and he shoved Liam off of him. "Leave," he said, voice wavering and heart beating hurting. "It's been months! If you wanted to fix things so badly, you'd knocked on my door long ago. And now it's too late. Go. Just fucking go. I don't have anything left to say to you."

 

"No-- Louis-- Please, you have to understand, I wanted to, I, more than anything I wan--" But he was cut off by Niall, flying from seemingly nowhere, tackling him to the ground and punching whatever he could reach. "You leave him alone!" he screamed.

 

"Niall!" Harry exclaimed with a surprised snort, but did nothing to stop him, seeing Liam get his ass kicked was entertaining.

 

"Niall." Louis walked over and grabbed Niall, pulling him off Liam before he could hurt himself or Liam more.

 

Zayn who'd been watching from a distance walked forward and avoiding eye-contact with Niall, he helped Liam off the ground. 

 

Liam rose, more startled than injured and gazed at Niall with wonder: there was seriously something wrong with that kid. "Fuck you!" Niall spat at him, struggling against Louis rather clumsily.

 

Zayn watched Louis more or less manhandle Niall into the car. Harry walked passed him and Liam and levelled them with a judgmental look and a smirk. "You two are suited for each other. Both of you are a fucking pain in the ass." With that, he got into the car and pulled out, Zayn and Liam had to more or less jump to the side to avoid getting mowed down by Harry. 

 

Liam took a few deep breaths in silence once they were gone and then said softly, "I'm sorry, Zayn, but Niall is seriously cracked."

 

Zayn swallowed. "He...has a few issues," he muttered, shrugging helplessly. "Well...that was a fucking disaster."

 

"I saw him again, Zayn..." Liam said, nearly dreamy.

 

"Yeah mate, and it didn't look like it went down well," Zayn sighed. 

 

Liam looked over at him, his cheek sliced and a new bruise on his lip. "I'm sorry that happened," he said softly. "I hope that didn't ruin.... everything."

 

"It did," Zayn said flatly. "Everything is gone to fucking shit, but it's not your fault." He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "We should have known better."

 

"No," Liam said steadily. "All we did wrong was think this was a safe place to do that and there was no way we could have known the whole lot of them were going to show up."

 

Zayn sighed deeply and kicked at a pebble. He gingerly touched the bruise on his cheekbone and winced, "How bad does it look?"

 

"He can hit hard for a little guy, can't he?" Liam scoffed, feeling pain in his own face. "You look... Does this hurt?" he gently pressed his fingertips into Zayn's cheek and saw him wince. "Yeah, you're gonna have a black eye."

 

"Fucking fantastic. How do I explain this to my parents?" He sighed, knowing that he'll have to come up with some bullshit story. "I have a feeling this business isn't going anywhere for a while," he said with a glance back at the greenhouse. "I'm scared they'll literally kill me at the next meeting."

 

Liam draped his arm over Zayn and pulled him against his chest. "You don't know that. They may see reason." Although he didn't think Niall was capable of reason. That boy was a lunatic.

 

Zayn leaned into Liam and felt guilty for liking the contact. "Can I still come back to yours?"

 

"Of course," Liam sighed, kissing the top of his head and unable to stop thinking about Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends!
> 
> Recently, Twitter decided to Permanently Suspend my account, and because they have no customer service whatsoever, I don't know why, nor can I get them to review the situation or send me even the scantest information. I am also banned from creating new accounts...
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> PS -- I would also like to celebrate that, as of this chapter, this work is 161,161 words, which is pretty spiffy :)

When they arrived back at Louis' apartment, Niall was a wreck and Louis wasn't much better. Harry sighed internally, knowing that he'd have to clean up the messes Zayn and Liam had made. "Alright. Who wants a hot bath?" he asked the other two who were curled together on the couch.

 

Niall raised his hand. He had gone quiet, but seemed disinclined to let go of Louis' shirt.

 

"Me too," Louis said, stroking down Niall's body soothingly. Harry eyed them for a moment and ignored the slight twinge of annoyance at how clingy they were with each other. "I'll start it," he said and went upstairs. 

 

With Harry gone, Niall nuzzled into Louis' neck and said softly, "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about Liam."

 

Louis sighed softly. "I assume you did it to protect me," he said and scratched Niall's hair. He couldn't be mad at Niall, not after what had happened. "It's alright. Just wish I'd been prepared for _that_. Jesus." He chased away the image of Liam on top of Zayn; at least he tried to. It seemed tattooed in his mind forever.

 

"I just wanted you to get over him. I told Zayn we shouldn't be friends with him after we found out who he was, but..." Niall sighed hard. "Jesus, Zayn probably wanted him from the start."

 

Louis tensed up at that. Of course Zayn would want Liam. Liam was perfect and amazing and just waiting to be snatched up by someone as pretty as Zayn. "Sorry, Niall, but I might go crazy on Zayn's ass the next time I see him. He's supposed to be straight!”

 

Niall crumpled. "No, he just doesn't love me. He doesn't want me."

 

Louis squeezed Niall tight against him and kissed the top of his head. "He doesn't deserve you, baby. You're too good for him. You'll find someone else who'll shower you with love and adoration and kiss you and make you laugh like you deserve."

 

Niall appreciated it, but hard a difficult time believing it, when all he wanted in his heart was Zayn. “What did he say to you? Liam?"

 

Louis huffed. "Bullshit. Some crap about how he felt guilty and wanted a chance to make it right and how he loved me and blah, blah blah. Bullshit." Louis recalled Liam's handsome face with tears glistening in his puppy eyes and he hated that a part of him wanted to run into his arms. He wouldn't allow it though. He'd stay strong,

 

Niall laughed slightly. "I'd explode into a rainbow if Zayn said that to me... But I get it. I understand how you feel..." By the time Harry came back, Niall had smashed himself into Louis' neck and had a leg tucked over his hip.

 

"Bath is ready, princesses!" Harry said and had to restrain himself from physically separating Louis and Niall. Jesus, they were getting on his nerves.

 

Niall rose and shuffled over to Harry, taking his hands and looking up into his face. "You're so good to me. Thank you for being so good to me." He turned to face Louis, "Thank you both."

 

Harry's irritation evaporated in an instant and he smiled warmly, kissing Niall gently on the lips. "Anytime. Go. Enjoy your bath and don't do anything I wouldn't." He pushed Niall on his way.

 

"You aren't going to join us?" Niall asked, reaching for Louis' hand and pulling him along.

 

Harry stared at their joined hands. "I made the bath for you," he said and nodded at Niall.

 

Louis rolled his eyes and took Niall's hand. "Let's do it all together, it'll be nice. Come on, Haz."

 

Harry let out an irritable sound but allowed himself to be pulled along; mainly because he wasn't leaving Louis alone with Niall.

 

In the bathroom, Niall stripped out of his shirt, then decided he felt better stripping Louis out of his.

 

Before Harry could stop himself, he grabbed Niall's wrist. "No need for that," he said, a bit sharply.

 

Louis stared at him, brow raised. "Something wrong, Haz?" he asked, scrutinizing the boy with his gaze.

 

Harry dropped Niall's wrist. "No." He huffed and began peeling off his own clothes.

 

Niall watched him for a moment, realizing Harry didn't want this to turn sexy. Niall wasn't in the mood for sex, either, but he did want closeness. Maybe a few kisses. He looked over at Louis questioningly and, just to get a read on it, went over to Harry, cradled his face and, after a soft nuzzle, warmly kissed his lips.

 

Harry sighed and was a little embarrassed by how easily he opened up for Niall, kissing him back. He could feel the lines blurring and he didn't know how much longer he could pretend things weren't shifting for him. As much as he loved Louis, all he wanted at that moment was to have Niall for himself. When he parted from the kiss, he looked at Louis and as if the boy could read his thoughts, he said, "You guys, I don't feel like a bath. I'm hungry. I'll go down and fix us something to eat."

 

"Wh-- Whoa, really? Why?" Niall looked a little lost without him.

 

"I'm hungry," Louis repeated with a smile and patted Niall's head softly. He got eye-contact with Harry and gave him a pointed look that Harry blatantly ignored. Louis sighed internally: this didn't look good. He didn't know how many more broken hearts he could handle. "Have fun," he said before leaving.

 

Niall made a disappointed little squeak when Louis left. This wasn't the plan. The plan was to curl up in the bath and marinate with his friends until morning. He didn't mind Harry being there, he just didn't want Harry getting cranky if they kissed a little bit. He sighed through his nose. "That was weird."

 

"Yeah." Harry kissed the side of Niall's temple, fingers trailing down his bare chest and curling under the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning them and pulling down the zipper.

 

Niall wiggled out of his pants and unbuttoned Harry's shirt. "I don't like the idea of him being alone -- not after what he just saw. We'll have to be quick."

 

"He'll be fine," Harry said dismissively, getting out of his shirt and pants. He took Niall's hands and sunk into the bathtub with him, the warm water relaxing him.

 

Niall cuddled against him in the big tub, pressing his face into Harry's shoulder. The quiet made all the pain rise up in him again and he pressed his forehead into Harry and squeezed him tight until the sharpness of it eased. "Oh, God..." he gasped. "You'd think I'd... I'd be used to this by now."

 

Harry wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him back. He pressed a series of kisses along his shoulders. "I'll help you get over him," he said softly but determined. "He isn't worth it."

 

"Don't say that," Niall said, finding some strength to his voice. "Don't say that about him. He hasn't done anything wrong." That last part was a large, hard confession for him. "He hasn't done anything wrong."

 

Harry's jaw clenched a bit. "Yes, he has," he replied firmly. "Haven't you said how that shack is special to you two? He could have exchanged saliva with Payne anywhere else, but he had to choose a place you could stumble upon."

 

"You don't think he... wanted to me to see that, do you?"

 

Harry sighed. "Does it matter? He did it without thinking of the possibility of hurting you."

 

Niall took his arms from around Harry and hugged himself. "Let's not talk about it," he said, closing his eyes shut tightly. "He just... He just isn't attracted to me. He doesn't want me. He doesn't love me like I love him. He doesn't want me. That's what... That's what matters. It's not that he isn't gay or that he cares about breaking up his family, he just... it's _me_. He doesn't want _me_."

 

Harry gently touched Niall's cheek. "I want you," he blurted before he could stop himself and in that moment, he was unsure of what exactly he meant by that.

 

Niall swallowed and dared a glance at Harry's face. "You do?" he asked, carefully. "... Really?" There was some skepticism, but also much confusion in his voice.

 

Harry swallowed down the small ball of panic bubbling up his throat. He looked at Niall. "I've never quite met someone as interesting and probably fucked up as you. You're intriguing in both the worst and best ways possible," he said and smiled dimply, charmingly. "So, yeah, obviously I want you."

 

Niall's lips quirked into a disbelieving smile. Then he started chuckling softly. "Fuck, Harry..." He was laughing warmly, suddenly. "Harry, Jesus Christ... At least you're honest!"

 

Harry smirked and pulled Niall back into his arms. "You're a bit unstable," he said and kissed Niall's nose. "But I guess you wouldn't be you, if you weren't."

 

"Most of the time 'unstable' is a real turnoff," he pointed out.

 

"It adds flavor to you," Harry said with an unapologetic smile. He stroked a wet strand of hair off Niall’s forehead. "But hey, are you sure you don't want to come with Lou and me next week?"

 

"Yeah," Niall said softly, grateful Harry wasn't asking him to address what seemed like Harry's affection for him. "That should be a special just-the-two-of-you thing. Are you two sleeping together?"

 

Harry couldn't imagine Niall would feel offended since he was still so caught up on Zayn. "Yeah," he said with a shrug. "We slept together last night."

 

Niall gently stroked the keyhole between Harry's collar bones. He didn't want to sound jealous, but he was when he asked, "You didn't let him fuck you, did you?"

 

Harry leaned into Niall's touch and tilted his face, looking him in the eye. "What if I did?"

 

Niall jerked back a little bit. "You said you wouldn't. Harry, you swore you wouldn't." He started to sit up.

 

Harry raised a brow. "Don't be jealous, love, I figured that there's no reason I should restrict myself, since fucking me isn't enough for you."

 

Niall's jaw dropped as if he was about to defend himself, but then he just shut down. There was a sudden Niall-centric power outage and he just climbed out of the bathtub, wrapped himself in a towel and left the bathroom.

 

"Fuck," Harry muttered under his breath as he followed Niall, grabbing a towel and wrapped it around his hips. "I didn't let him fuck me in the ass," he said with a roll of his eyes. "It's still yours."

 

Niall crawled into Louis' bed and smashed his face into the pillows. "It's fine. You're right. I have no claim to you. You do what you want."

 

Harry stared at Niall for a moment, before crawling after him. He lay down next to him and curled a thigh over his body. "What if I want you?" he breathed into his ear, tracing a hand down Niall's exposed back. "Can I do you?"

 

"I'm not in the mood, Harry," Niall muttered quietly into the pillow. He felt like his heart had been trampled and Harry's form of comforting was to jerk him around then ask for sex.

 

Harry let out a sigh at the rejection and trailed the constellation of freckles on the back of Niall's neck. "Alright," he said steadily. "What are you in the mood for?"

 

"Where's Louis?"

 

Harry pulled away from Niall like his question had burnt him. His own reaction and the pang he felt made him grimace. He got off the bed without a word and began searching for some clean clothes he'd left at Louis, tugging them on with sharp movements.

 

"Fuck," Niall hissed quietly to himself. "No -- Harry, come back." He reached for him. "I didn't mean-- Please, just come back."

 

Harry glanced at him with masked indifference. He pulled on a shirt and threw on his blazer and pushed his damp curls out of his face. "I have to go," he said, previous warmth completely gone. "I'll tell Louis that you need him." He couldn't mask the bitterness that seeped into his voice.

 

"You don't have anywhere to be, Harry. If we just call a truce on sniping at each other, will you stay?"

 

"No," Harry replied rather sharply. There were so many people that would kill to get the attention and affection Harry was pouring over Niall, but apparently it wasn't enough, it wasn't good enough, not _Louis_ enough. "There's about a million other places I'd rather be right now." A blatant lie.

 

It was maybe the first time Niall ever really saw him. Actually saw Harry, instead of his idea of Harry or what other people had told him about Harry. He saw another boy just as lost and confused and hungry for the slightest shred of love as Niall was. Niall rose and went over to him, slowly, like one might approach a wounded dog. He reached for him, carefully trailing his fingertips down Harry's cheek. "I really need you to come to bed and hold me right now," he said softly. "I really want you to. I really want you here with me and not those million other places you'd rather be. Please stay with me."

 

As Harry realized that that was all Niall needed to do for Harry to stay with him, that that was everything Harry didn't know he needed and wanted to hear, the fear and uncertainty and panic rose within him. He came to the realization that he'd crossed the line of pretending long ago and he jerked away from Niall. "I need to go," he said, blinking rapidly, looking simultaneously lost and terrified. "I have to go," he repeated and turned on his heels, storming out.

 

There was nothing Niall could do, then. He wanted to scream. He wanted to curse God for making him someone people ran from. But his heart had bled itself dry. He returned to Louis' bed and felt as if his heart was trying to kill itself.

 

~*~

 

Niall needed to get to the Styles' residence, but had stayed with his sister as long as he could. He had told her all the pretty lies and made them even prettier because she looked so much worse. As he sat at the bus stop, he pulled out his phone, needing to clear up something that Harry had brought to mind last night. 'Did you mean for me to walk in on you?' he texted to Zayn, out of the blue.

 

He received a text back within a couple of minutes: 'Of course not. I would never do that. I thought you were staying at your sister's.'

 

'you aren't attracted to me' he texted as he got on the bus. Then he added, 'you're attracted to Liam'

 

It took a few minutes for the reply to bip in. "You know that's not true. I'm attracted to you."

 

'no you aren't. if you were you wouldn't have been experimenting with Liam'

 

'no. experimenting with you only hurt you and our friendship more and you know it.'

 

'i don't understand why we aren't together,' Niall texted bluntly. 'i don't understand why you would want Liam and not me. it's killing me'

 

'because i know that if i gave over to what i feel for you, it'll only cause more hurt and suffering. i don't want to hurt you more than i already have.'

 

'thats bullshit and you know it. just fucking say it.'

 

'no you don't fucking get it, Niall. i can't be with a boy, i'm sorry but that's the truth.'

 

'whatever. im going to work.' He had to figure out what he was going to do with Zayn and the business. To leave that business would devastate Niall, financially and in no small part, personally. He had helped Zayn build it from scratch, he'd dealt with all the books, all the fast talking, all the selling. He'd done everything but the actual growing of it, which was Zayn's domain. He loved that company. But the idea of seeing Zayn -- who, frankly, still made no sense to him -- was like a dagger in the heart.

 

~*~

 

Niall got to the house, still stinging from his conversation with Zayn. A sweet-faced, middle aged woman was there to meet him and show him the ropes. What he learning was that the Styles family was very precise. New flowers in every room each day, even the bedrooms, the beds made every day, the sheets scented, all floors vacuumed, all windows washed, all wines rotated -- it was mind boggling for Niall, frankly. But the woman was clearly so delighted to have the weekends to herself, he felt happy to do it. After she left, he set about doing the dusting and the windows, first, as she instructed. By the time he was done with the first room, he was exhausted, but he kept on trucking.

 

~*~

 

Harry had spent the previous night with a girl from his class, spending the whole night fucking her into the sheets in a vain attempt to push a certain unstable blonde from his mind, but Harry had just ended up fantasizing about him instead, much to his frustration. The next morning he returned home, looking handsome and confident, hiding what a confused mess he was on the inside. His father had summoned him to his study and Harry barged inside without knocking.

 

Ray looked up, his look of irritation lessening somewhat when he saw his son. "Harold," he said, evenly.

 

Harry gave his father a curt glance through the shades he was wearing and slowly closed the door behind him. "Hey," he said, voice bored. 

 

"I'm glad you're back. I expected you a week ago."

 

"Well. I'm back now," Harry said, looking around the study with an uninterested gaze. He slowly looked back at his father. 

 

Ray cleared his throat. "I hope you understand that... That little incident will be behind us, now. Forever. I'm getting help. You can feel safe here. I even hired that -- boy -- you wanted."

 

Harry was more than willing to pretend it never happened, that was easier anyway. He nodded slowly. "Ok," he said. "Can I go back to my room?" Really, he kind of wanted to see Niall.

 

"Harry," Ray stopped him. "Niall told me you two have become friends." He was watching Harry very closely.

 

Harry tilted his face. "Yeah, we have," he said curtly, shrugging.

 

Ray nodded. "Is that all?" He couldn't very well interrogate Harry or try to limit his sex life if he wanted the relationship to work at all between them, but by god, he wanted to.

 

Harry gave a nod. "Yeah. That's all."

 

"Good. Because... you remember our rule about the help?"

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard. "No inappropriate relationship with the help," he said, slightly mocking his father's voice. He smirked. "Of course, dad, I would never forget that rule." That rule that Harry always ended up breaking.

 

"Harold," Ray said, "I'm not stupid. I know why you invited that boy here. But you know as soon as you touch him, I'm obligated to fire him."

 

Harry sighed. "I know, just like you fired all the others," he said, rolling his eyes. "I won't touch him. But if you fire him, I guess the rule doesn't apply anymore?"

 

Ray rubbed his forehead. He didn't know what Harry wanted him to say. "I can't control who you fuck outside of my house, Harry, but it brings up serious legal issues when you fuck the help. You know that."

 

Harry lifted his hands in mock defeat. "No fucking the help. Got it," he said, wanting to be done with this conversation. He turned and grabbed the handle. "Promise dad," he said with a sweet smile and walked out.

 

~*~

 

Niall had brought his headphones -- thank god, it made all of this cleaning bearable. He was rocking out while he vacuumed, dancing a little bit and singing along softly to the lyrics.

 

Harry found him like that and he swallowed down a laugh, leaning against the door frame into the room with crossed arms and watching him, highly amused.

 

Niall got through the whole song, shimmying away. When the song was over and he reached down to his phone to pull up another one, he was still wiggling his hips a bit. When he saw Harry in the doorway and nearly leaped a foot in the air. "FUCK!"

 

Harry burst out laughing; he laughed so hard that his cheeks flushed and he had to bent down a little. When he finally got control of himself, he straightening up and looked at Niall, grinning, "That was top class entertainment," he smirked. "You should do a strip tease for me someday."

 

"Harry..." Niall said warily. He didn't want to lose this job. He very much wanted to keep it, especially since his enterprise with Zayn was shaky right now. "That's not nice."

 

"Aw, I'm sorry," Harry said, clearly not meaning it. "Don't look so scared. We aren't doing anything, are we?"

 

"You're flirting," Niall pointed out. He eyed Harry. Whatever little episode he had had last night seemed to have passed. "Are you alright?"

 

Harry shifted a little, before he plastered a smile onto his lips. "I'm alright," he said with a surprisingly convincing voice accompanied with a shrug. As if he hadn't used all last night freaking out, as if seeing Niall wasn't making him simultaneously happy and restless. "Are you almost done?"

 

Niall snorted hard through his nose. "Are you kidding? I won't be done for hours, at least. I have to finish this room, then do the kitchen, then the den, then go upstairs and to the bedrooms."

 

Harry nodded understandingly. "Don't let me distract you for any longer. I'm going upstairs to take a shower."

 

"Hey," Niall trailed after him a little bit. "We're... I mean, we're cool, right?"

 

Harry slowly turned to look at him and just looking at him made him want to touch him, kiss him, make him smile. "Yeah, we cool," he said, smiling slightly before continuing on his way. "Find me in my room," he called over his shoulder.

 

Niall didn't know what that meant. He decided to go back to work on the house. He got through two albums by the time he went into the upstairs bedrooms. Here, he was instructed to simply vacuum, and make the beds, but not to upset anything. When he opened Harry's door, he wasn’t surprised to see the man himself. "Hello," he said softly.

 

Harry was sitting on his comfortable, plush couch, wearing nothing more than a pair of tight, tiny boxers. He had reading glasses on and looked up from the book he'd been reading. He smiled upon seeing Niall, "Come in, love."

 

Harry was so beautiful, Niall suddenly didn't hate Ray for wanting him. He also suddenly envied himself that Harry let him touch him. He shut his eyes and shook his head as if to break out of the mad enchantment. "I'm gonna clean your room first," he said simply.

 

Harry put the book down and took of his glasses. "There's really nothing to clean here." 

 

Niall ran his hands over the duvet a few times as if to guarantee its comeliness. "Well, I should vacuum anyway. It’s the last room I have to do."

 

The carpet was spotless but if Niall insisted, Harry wasn't going to stop him. He got to his feet and stretched his arms over his head. He walked up and flopped down on his bed in a rather lewd position and looked at Niall. "Ok."

 

Niall blinked at the sight of him, but dutifully went about vacuuming. The cleanliness of the room, the beauty of the boy, and the fact that this was a house where he had performed dirty sexual services for so long made him suddenly flip off the machine. Then he went to Harry's bathroom and made use of his mouthwash without asking.

 

"What are you doing, love?" Harry asked when Niall returned from where he was lying on his back, casually trailing his fingers down his long thigh.

 

"Just... freshening up." He eyed Harry's fingers. "Stop trying to seduce me, Harry."

 

Harry tilted his face in a way that made his floppy curls tumble over his eyes and looked at Niall with wide-eyed innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, slowly dragging his tongue along his bottom lip.

 

That actually made Niall smile and chuckle slightly. "You're sweet," he said, then went back to vacuuming. He felt Harry's eyes on him, so just as he was finishing his last few square feet, he did a sexy little vacuum dance for Harry, if a vacuum dance could ever be sexy.

 

Harry laughed at that, finding it simultaneously hilarious and a turn on. "Strip tease, please," Harry said with a grin, flopping onto his back and subconsciously sticking his ass a little in the air.

 

Niall smirked at him. He turned the vacuum off when he was done and said, "It's always sex with you, isn't it?"

 

Harry just gave him an innocent smile. "No," he wriggled his ass a little and smirked, "Not at all."

 

Niall rolled his eyes. "What else? What else do you ever think about?" He sat down on the edge of Harry's bed.

 

"You," Harry replied, surprisingly himself a little with his honesty, but it was true, lately, all he could think about was Niall. 

 

Niall's face went blank with shock. "I never--" he stumbled slightly. "I never know whether you're serious or just doing your.. y'know, your thing."

 

Harry stared at Niall for a moment and he didn't like the reaction he was getting. "Who knows," he said with a shrug and turned onto his back, staring up at his ceiling. 

 

Niall sighed and got his knees under him to loom over Harry, to look him in the face. "We're never going to be close if you keep shutting me out like that, you know. Do you really think I'd hurt you?”

 

Harry looked right passed Niall, refusing to look him in the eyes, fearing that Niall would see what was really going on inside of him. The truth was that as long as Niall was caught up on Zayn, Harry wasn't going to open up to him. "Of course not," he said with a wry smile.

 

Niall trailed his fingertips down Harry's cheek. It was clear Harry was still shut off to him, far away inside himself. To let him know that Niall was with him, cared for him, but that he wouldn't push him, he leaned over and placed a soft kiss between Harry's eyebrows. "Alright."

 

Harry instinctively curled his hand in Niall's shirt, desperate to be closer to him, at least physically, he pulled him down, placing a feather-soft kiss on his lips.

 

"Harry," Niall said softly. "Not now. Not while your dad's in the house..." He put his hand on the boy's chest and gently pushed him away. To soften the blow, he changed the topic. "I wonder if I might ask a favor of you... My sister... She thinks I work at the zoo. And she's ... I don't think she has long. I'd really like a day where I could take her, but-- Well, I'd have to probably go to the zoo and actually meet a few people and learn the layout... I don't suppose you want to come with me?"

 

Harry's face that had been scrunching up in displeasure and slight hurt from being rejected, softened almost immediately. It was bloody ridiculous the things he were willing to do for this boy. "That's a stupid lie," Harry said with a wry smile and sat up. "I'll come with you."

 

"It's stupid, but it makes her happy. All I care about is making her happy. I just have to charm someone into letting her feed a giraffe."

 

"Leave the charming part to me," Harry said with a smirk and got to his feet. He walked up to his bookcase, running his hand along the book-spines, searching for specific books "You said she loved reading, yeah? I have a few books I think she'd love."

 

"Really? I have no idea what 14 year old girls like to read."

 

Harry found the two books and put it in an empty paper bag. "I don't know either. But I know what they should read." He walked up to his clothes and began searching for something to wear.

 

"Thank you, Harry..." Niall said, looking at the books humbly. Then he said again what he'd said before, "Why are you so good to me? What did I do to deserve you?"

 

Harry was in the middle of pulling on his trousers. "What have I told you about overthinking?" He chastised slightly. "It ruins things."

 

Niall took hold of the vacuum and headed for the door. "Thank you, Harry," he said, before draping an arm around Harry's neck and pulling him in for a soft, sincere kiss. After that, he gave him a wink and said, "See you tomorrow," before departing.

 

~*~

 

All day, Liam had been itching, writhing, crawling up the walls; he had seen Louis. Hell, he had _touched_ Louis and it was driving him out of his mind. He prided himself on getting to 7th period before he finally caved and texted, 'Please let me see you again'.

 

Last night, Louis had been crying silently into his pillow because, goddamn it, he missed Liam; simultaneously hated him and loved him with a passion that was burning him up. He was on his way home when his phone beeped with a text and when he saw who it was, his breath hitched a bit. All he wanted to write back was a simple 'no', because he'd promised himself to be strong, but who was he kidding? He was weak. He took a deep breath and sent back a simple 'Why?'

 

The reply was almost immediate: 'I'm not over you. I'm madly in love with you. I want to make love to you. I want to set this right. I miss you. I'm so sorry.'

 

Louis didn't open the message before he was inside the sanctuary of his home, and once he did, he slumped against the door, letting out a heavy breath. He could still remember what it felt like to be with Liam, touch Liam, the utter happiness when Liam looked him in the eyes and told him he loved him.

 

"Damn it," Louis muttered, torn and angry and missing Liam more than anything else in this world. 'You can't just expect me to take you back after what you put me through. I promised myself I'd never forgive you.'

 

Liam went into his own bedroom and locked the door behind himself; not that his parents would invade, he simply needed the solitude to feel safe and focus. Once safely seated in his bed, he texted: 'I know. I don't blame you. I want to make it up to you. Please just let me see you. I won't ask for anything more.'

 

Louis had dragged himself to the couch, anxiously curled up there clutching his phone in his hand. He knew he couldn't see Liam, because if he had him close it would only make him weak. 'I don't want to see you. You're no longer part of my life.'

 

Liam felt that like a punch to the gut. He wracked his brain for something to say to make Louis change his mind. 'I'll let you hit me.’

 

Louis rolled his eyes. 'Go away Liam. Stop texting. Just fuck off. And you better not be sleeping with Zayn.'

 

That last bit made Liam perk up. It offered a bit more interaction. 'Why not?'

 

'Because it's hurting Niall!' and because Louis didn't like it, but he'd never admit that.

 

'I don't care about Niall, I care about you.'

 

Louis bit down his lip. ‘I care about Niall and not you, Liam. Just leave me alone and let me get over you in peace. That's the least you could do.'

 

Liam waited a long time, his heart aching as it split in two. Sheepishly, he texted five minutes later, 'I don't want you to get over me. I want to treat you right.'

 

Louis had buried his face in the couch cushions, trying to fight off the fresh feelings and old memories flooding his mind. He simultaneously hated and loved Liam with a passion that was tearing him in two. When the new text bipped in, he took a whole ten minutes to reply. 'How can you make it alright again? You broke every fucking piece of me, Liam. Every fucking piece. There's nothing left for you to fix.'

 

'That's not true. I know that's not true,' Liam texted back. 'Even seeing you yesterday, I saw you so strong and vibrant. You're such a powerhouse, Lou. I want to make amends. I was wrong. I was so wrong.’

 

Louis could feel tears sting in his eyes and he cursed under his breath. 'Are your dreams of becoming a president and your parents’ approval still more important to you?'

 

'No. I told my parents about you a long time ago.'

 

Louis stared wide-eyed at the phone. 'What? What did they say? Are you alright?' He typed it out without thinking and sent it on its way.

 

Liam felt so warm and fuzzy inside, he thought he would explode. The episode with his parents was startling, uncomfortable, but certainly not dramatic. 'They don't know what to think. I think they're just sort of stunned. I still don't know what the fallout will be. I don't really care. I am alright. Thank you.'

 

Louis slumped in the couch with a deep sigh. He remembered telling Liam that if they ever threw him out, he could stay with him. He wasn't so sure about anymore, but he couldn't deny that he was concerned for Liam. ‘Hope everything works out.'

 

Liam sighed. He could have played the trauma card and he knew it, but that just wasn't his style. 'I should have done it sooner,' he typed, 'I should have done it back when I first knew you were the one.'

 

The only thing that had stood against their relationship had been Liam's inability to man up and now that he'd done it, Louis could feel his heart swell, reluctantly so. He didn't want to give in just yet and he already felt emotionally drained just from this conversation. 'I need time to think.'

 

Liam was practically doing backflips after receiving that text. He hopped around the room, doing fist pumps in the air and hallooed until his mom poked her head in to make sure he was ok. "He said he's gonna think about it!" he crowed to the heavens. His mother tried to smile, but looked like she couldn't deal with more of her handsome son talking about boys, so she nodded and left the room. When his heartrate resumed a regular beat, he texted, 'I understand. Can I check in with you in a few days?'

 

Louis was staring at the ceiling and wondering if he was making the best or worst decision of his life; probably a bit of both. 'No. I'll contact you when I feel ready.'

 

'Ok. I know you don't want to hear it, but I love you. I want you to be happy, Lou.'

 

Louis threw the phone from him and buried his face in his hand, letting out a small groan. His stupid heart was reacting to those words, he could hear it so clearly in Liam's voice, the way he'd look into his eyes and tell him that he loved him. Louis groaned and grabbed the phone and sending a text to Niall, 'When are you coming home?' He needed someone to talk to.

 

'T-5 minutes, baby!' Niall texted back. He was actually there earlier, flinging open the door, hallooing, "Where's my booooooooooo?" until he found him.

 

Louis perked up instantly. "Niall! Come! Hug me and kiss me!" He reached for Niall, making grabby hands.

 

Niall flung himself on top of the other boy, kissing over his face and cuddling hard. "What's wrong?" he asked, noticing the strain on Louis' sweet face.

 

Louis clung to Niall and let out a deep sigh. "Liam," he muttered and he didn't have the energy to say more so he just showed Niall the exchange on his phone, letting him read through it.

 

Niall did so, his face contorting into different expressions of shock and consternation as he did so. "Holy shit. He's really trying... And fuck him for not caring about me!"

 

Louis kissed Niall's cheek. "I care about you. Don't worry; he isn't going to fuck around with Zayn again."

 

Niall went a bit pale. "How do you know?" he asked.

 

"Well, I hope he's clever enough not to do it. He better not if he wants the slightest chance with me," Louis said and mentally noted that he should probably send him a text, just to be clear.

 

Niall sighed. "Want to see how it went for me?" He showed Louis his brief and less fulfilling exchange with Zayn. "At least your asshole loves you."

 

Louis frowned at the text and then looked at Niall, saying with a rather serious expression, "Want me to beat him up? Because I want to beat him up. He's seriously pissing me off."

 

Niall sighed. "It's not his fault. He just doesn't love me. That's not a crime."

 

Louis hugged Niall tightly and kissed his temple. "Fuck him. I think you're amazing and I love you." Then he added in a rather nonchalant manner, "And Harry's in love with you."

 

Niall didn't resist that the way he usually did. This time he just sighed. "He shuts down around me all the time. It's kind of spooky. He’s there one minute, the next I'm talking to a shell."

 

Louis sighed. "How would you feel if Zayn was in love with someone else?" he asked gently.

 

Niall's eyes closed, feeling the pain that inflicted on him physically. "Pretty... bad..." he said, feeling his heart drop.

 

Louis gently stroked down Niall's arms and pet his hair. "I don't think Harry has fully come to the realization that he's actually in love with you; probably because he knows that it looks like a lost cause. He'd never open up to you if he knows he's just going to get hurt. Niall, I've seen the way he looks at you and I never thought I'd see Harry looking at anyone like they hung the stars in the sky. That's why I asked you not to sleep with him."

 

Niall sighed. "I like him," he said almost apologetically. "I really like him, Louis. He's helpful right now. He's a distraction. And I feel like if I told him to go kick rocks... That would be worse."

 

"He doesn't deserve being just a 'distraction'," Louis said gently, but firmly. "You need to lay all your cards down and tell him that you're not ready to love anyone else." He sighed then. "I know it sounds harsh, but I don't want to see Harry hurting for longer than necessary."

 

"I've tried to tell him, he pretends he doesn't know what I'm talking about..." And he loved making Zayn jealous. He could never confess that to Louis, hell, he couldn't confess it to himself, but it was true. Selfishly, he wanted to keep Harry around.

 

"Tell him again," Louis said, "or I'll have to."

 

Niall tipped his head back onto the sofa. "We're going to the zoo after I clean his house, tomorrow. I'll tell him, then."

 

"Good," Louis said with a sigh and kissed Niall, cuddling him. "I know that it must feel fucking great to have Harry Styles undivided attention on you. Jesus, if it was me, I'd probably drag it out for as long as I could as well. He doesn't deserve it though."

 

Niall nuzzled into him. "He keeps trying to get me to come along on your vacation together."

 

Louis pulled away to look at Niall. "Really? That little shit. Not that I don’t want you to... I wonder what Liam would think," he said, knowing that Liam would be beyond jealous and paranoid that Harry would seduce him.

 

Niall snorted. "And you accuse _me_ of using Harry!"

 

"I'm not using him. I'm not the one who has finally made him fall in mad love," Louis let out a sigh. "I never thought I'd see this day come, but in hindsight, it had all been so obvious."

 

"What? What's been obvious?"

 

"That he'd fall in love with you. He's never chased after anyone like he has you and he'd given anyone the time of the day like he's given you. I knew it was going to happen from the moment he didn't drop you after you hooked up in New York."

 

"You don't know though. As soon as he finds out I'm not interested, he'll just... be gone. He doesn't take rejection well. At all. He becomes a robot."

 

"Yea, he's so used to get everything handed to him. He'll be fine in the long run. Just promise me you'll tell him."

 

Niall didn't want to. He really, really didn't want to. He winced. "I promise," he said, filled with regret.

 

Louis smiled a bit and kissed Niall's brow. "I feel like ice-cream and a movie. Sounds good to you?"

 

"Yeah," Niall whispered, hoping he could find a way to wheedle out of this, or that Harry wouldn't mind.

 

~*~

 

Liam picked Zayn up, all in black, looking sombre. When Zayn got in his car, he gave him a firm pat on the shoulder before driving out. He could feel, he just knew, that Niall was supposed to be here for this instead of him, but he didn't want to bring that up -- now or ever.

 

Zayn had hoped that Niall would show up at the funeral or at least after the funeral, but there'd been no sign of him; only added to the growing dark hole inside of him. It felt like he'd buried his friendship with Niall along with his grandfather. He sighed and stared emptily out of the window. "Liam. Can you drive me downtown? There's something I want to do."

 

"Yeah... Can I ask what we're doing?"

 

Zayn gave a half-smirk. "You'll see," he replied cryptically and navigated Liam through the streets, until they reached the seedy, dingy part of town. "Stop here," Zayn said when they reached a dirty, rundown tattoo parlor.

 

"Zayn..." Liam said warily, as they got out of the car. "I know you want a way to remember your grandfather but... tattoos... They're...." he made a face. "They're permanent."

 

"I know," Zayn replied easily and walked into the dirty shop, Liam trailing after him. He greeted the grubby, unfriendly-looking tattoo artist who didn't look to care if his customers were underage or not. Zayn produced a paper from his pocket where he'd scribbled his grandfather's name in Arabic letters and showed it to the man. 

 

Liam was clearly uncomfortable in the grungy shop and when the man turned away, he said softy, "There has to be somewhere more sanitary where we can do this..."

 

"Relax, Leeyum," Zayn said and didn't look too concerned. "My cousin recommended this place." 

 

Zayn took off his shirt and laid down on the table, the tattoo artist hovering over him. Alcohol was applied on the left side of his chest, just under his collarbone, where Zayn was getting the small tattoo. He hissed lightly when the artist began working on the outline and he clutched the side of the table, knuckles turning a bit white.

 

Liam winced and wriggled, bothered the tattooist with hygiene questions that were probably embarrassing Zayn, then to get his mind off it, he went about fumbling with his phone, reading over his texts with Louis.

 

"You should get a tattoo as well, Li," Zayn said, mostly teasing. "You've already sprung out of the closet, I don't think this would shock your parents at all."

 

Liam snorted softly. "My dad is still dealing with it by not speaking to me. He pretends I'm not there. It's weird."

 

"He'll come around," Zayn said, staring up at the dilapidated ceiling. 

 

"I hope so. My mom keeps popping her head in and saying, 'Just one?' You've only been in love with one boy?’"

 

Zayn turned to look at Liam. "What does she mean by that?"

 

"I think she means she wants it to be a phase. I told her I'm doing everything I can to get back with him and her face went like this." Liam made the face of an affronted cat whose nose had been touched without permission.

 

Zayn laughed hard, which the tattoo artist endured with patience. "I can just imagine that," he said, still chuckling slightly. "As long as they haven't beaten you or thrown you out, you're good. They'll get used to it, don't worry."

 

Liam sighed. "Louis told me once if my parents threw me out because I was in love with him, he'd take me in. But I figured it'd be underhanded to try that one."

 

Zayn scoffed lightly. "I'm happy that things seem to be going in the right direction for you and everything, but I still can't see why you..." He shook his head. "Sorry. I should be supportive." The truth was that he was a little disappointed; it felt like the death of their brief, little experiment. That embarrassed him.

 

"Can't see why I what?"

 

Zayn shrugged and took some time to reply. "I don't know, bro...I don't like him so much, I guess...it doesn't matter."

 

"You don't understand why I like him?" Liam asked, honestly a little surprise.

 

Zayn concentrated on the sharp pain from his tattoo getting filled out, ignoring Liam for a few seconds. "I guess I don't."

 

"Because he's... He's just wonderful, really. He's a little firefly or something." Liam took a deep breath. "Maybe you dislike him because he's Niall's new best friend. I don't like that, either." In fact, he was afraid they were more than friends, which made it even worse.

 

Zayn sighed. "Yeah, that's probably why," he admitted. "But whatever makes you happy, bro."

 

Liam shook his head. "You're so hard to read, you know? I can never tell what you want."

 

Zayn was a bit surprised. "I don't want anything. Why do you think I want anything?"

 

"Well, I mean, we all want something. I just mean in this situation... With the five of us..." He sighed. "How do you want it to work out? Really? If you could choose, what would it be?"

 

Zayn was quiet for a while. "I just want my best friend back. He didn't even show up today. After everything we've been through together."

 

"Did you give him all the information?"

 

"No. He didn't ask for it. He doesn't care."

 

"I would have recommended you to have asked him to come. But... maybe you should send him a text."

 

Zayn sighed. "I reckon he'd known there'd be a funeral, considering that's what happens when someone dies. I'm the one with the dead relative. He should call me. But whatever."

 

"If you really want him to be your friend, you may have to swallow some pride." He was swallowing gallons for Louis.

 

Zayn shook his head, but didn't say more. Once the tattoo artist was done and had patched him up. He pulled on his shirt and walked back to Liam's car.

 

Liam sighed. Zayn wasn't the pride-swallowing sort, that much was obvious. "Am I taking you home?"

 

Zayn leaned against Liam's car and lit a cigarette. "It's Saturday. Wanna go out tonight?" 

 

Liam smirked. "Yes. As long as you drink the water I give you."

 

Zayn chuckled softly. "I will," he said and finished the cigarette. "Drive me home so I can change clothes, into something more club-worthy," he said with a smirk.

 

~*~

 

"Can we go... to a gay club?" Liam asked, once they were in the car again, spiffed up.

 

Zayn was checking out his reflection in the rearview mirror of the car, satisfied with what he saw. He turned to look at Liam with a raised brow. "Really?" He thought about it for about a second. "Why not? Might as well go crazy today."

 

Liam smiled at him. "Just to freak ourselves out if nothing else. Scare us back into the closet," he laughed. "Unless of course, you were looking for a lady... Heard anything from Nicole?"

 

Zayn gave a small nervous laugh. "She sent me a few text that promised slow, excruciating death. She scares the shit out of me."

 

"Yeah. Too bad I didn't know you well enough to warn you off that one. I mean -- Don't get me wrong, she's my friend, but... she's not one to trifle with."

 

Zayn took a deep breath. "Yeah... She's really good in bed, but I'm beginning to question if it was worth it."

 

Liam was silent for a moment. Then, "Gay bar tonight." It took him only a second to find one on his GPS. The outside looked pleasant enough. "Ok... We can do this," he said, feeling rather insecure that he could.

 

"Aw, don't worry, Li, I'll protect you," Zayn teased as he got out of the car, as if he wasn't just as nervous as Liam was. Besides, the nervousness, he felt a bit of thrill of doing something different, something that he wasn't allowed to do.

 

Liam was also thrilled. He was dying to see if he was attracted to men, in general. When they got in, he immediately wasn't certain he could handle it. Shirtless men everywhere, walking around with their muscles on full display -- men eyeing him up, clearly liking his youth and shape. He hugged a little closer to Zayn. "Think they'll serve us drinks?" They were under aged, but they weren't carded at the door.

 

The eyes on them made Zayn feel like a piece of meat and he wondered if this was how girls felt when they went out clubbing. "Do you think we can get some free drinks?" Zayn said, feeling daring and a bit wild tonight. He slid into a stool and pulled Liam onto the one next to him.

 

"Should we? Don't you think that's dangerous?" Before he could get an answer, a large, broad man with a thin, white t-shirt and perfectly styled hair sidled up beside Zayn and said, "Pretties, aren't you a bit young to be here?"

 

Zayn looked up at the man leering down at him and the first thing he noticed was how broad his shoulders were, which concerned him a little. Even then, he found himself smiling and looking at the man through his eyelashes. "We're old enough," he said, voice silky. And yeah, he was definitely on the wild side tonight.

 

"Oh?” The man replied, “Then can I buy you a drink?"

 

Liam, against his better judgment, became a little jealous. I mean, he was sitting right there, how did this guy know he wasn't hitting on Liam's boyfriend?

 

Zayn was beginning to think there was perks to this, when he was hitting on girls, he'd obviously always be the one to buy a drink. "A tequila shot, thanks."

 

The man winked at him. "I'm Shane," he said, running his hand through his wild auburn hair. He was good looking -- Liam didn't like that. He was such an animal underneath his posh veneer and he was struggling to not just tell this guy to go fuck himself.

 

It was weird and different to be getting hit on by a guy and maybe in the most exciting way. "Zayn," he replied smoothly, eyeing his strong arms and caught himself wondering what it'd feel like to have his weight on top of him. It startled him a little, but he didn't let it deter him, deciding tonight was just about letting go.

 

Liam couldn't stand it. He could see that Zayn was digging this. "Bathroom," he said briefly, before just hopping off his stool and heading for it.

 

Shane noticed this and smirked. "Nice to meet you, Zayn. I think I pissed off your friend."

 

Zayn raised a brow, following Liam with his eyes, confused. "I don't know how you'd piss him off." He got to his feet, deciding to check on him just to be sure he was alright. He put his hand lightly on Shane's arm. "I'll be right back."

 

Liam was washing his hands in the men's, surprised when he saw Zayn walk in. "Oh, hey."

 

Zayn walked up next to him and turned to his own reflection. "What's up, Li?" he asked, carefully fixing his hair. "Getting cold feet?"

 

“What makes that guy so damn sure you’re not my boyfriend?” Liam scowled Zayn in the mirror.

 

Zayn turned to look at Liam with a raised brow. "Why would he think you were my boyfriend?" he asked, studying Liam, unsure what the actual problem was.

 

"Because we came in together, we sat together, clearly we know each other -- I'm just..." He took two deep breaths. "I have a jealousy problem. I blame Styles."

 

Zayn was surprised. "So you get jealous and possessive over your friends? You keep showing me a new side of yourself, Li," Zayn said in a teasing tone, grinning slightly. He slung an arm around Liam's neck and gave him a small squeeze. "So, what do you want?"

 

"It's not like that, I just-- That guy didn't know I wasn't your boyfriend and it kind of makes me want to kill him. That's all it is," he underplayed it.

 

Zayn stared at Liam for a second. "Ok," he said slowly, in a bit of loss of what it was Liam wanted him to say. "I'll tell him you aren't my boyfriend. Will that make you feel better?" 

 

Liam snorted, shaking his head with a bashful grin. "Do what you want, alright? Do we need a sign or something? If I need to come save you if he gets creepy or whatever?"

 

Zayn smirked. "Nah, don't worry about me. I'm pretty good at taking care of myself. But hey, there was about a dozen guys eyeing you, find someone and just have a bit of fun?"

 

"Well, a bit of fun, maybe," he winked at Zayn. He checked his phone then, just on the off chance he might've gotten a text from Louis.

 

Zayn nudged Liam lightly on the shoulder with a closed fist and turned to check his reflection one more time.

 

There was a text from Louis sent a few minutes ago, 'One more thing, don't you dare fuck around with Zayn.'

 

"Oh, Christ," Liam put his hand over his face. He just handed Zayn his phone. "Do you think he means play with your emotions, or literally fucking you?"

 

Zayn's jaw clenched a little. "He obviously means literally fucking me," he scoffed a bit. "And I assume he can have freaky threesomes with Niall and Harry?"

 

Liam groaned. "Oh, don't even say that... Oh, god, don't even say that..." Liam started pacing around the tiny bathroom, the very idea of Louis having sex with two men that weren't him driving him out of his mind. "What do I say? What do I say to him?" He would have no problem telling him he wouldn't fuck Zayn, but he didn't much cherish the idea that he had to be the only one abstaining. That just wasn't fair.

 

Zayn watched Liam pace for a few moments before he let out a sigh and grabbed his shoulder, stopping him. "Tell him to go fuck himself," he said steadily, though he quickly shook his head, reminding himself that this guy was important to Liam. "Alright, don't do that. Tell him you won't, as long as he doesn't fuck around either."

 

Liam nodded. That was exactly what he wanted to say. 'I won't so long as you don't, either,' he texted. Then he sighed. "You can go on," he told Zayn. "Have fun, I'll be out soon, I'm sure."

 

Zayn lingered for a moment. "You really deserve better than him, Liam; someone that doesn't make you feel insecure in your relationship." With that he turned onto his heels and walked out.

 

'I think it's safe to say that I won't be fucking around with Zayn.'

 

Liam sighed hard. 'You know what I mean: Harry and Niall.'

 

'Listen, you're the one who wants forgiveness and that's only going to happen on my terms.'

 

Liam tipped his head back against the tile wall and tried to calm himself down. 'Tell me I can see you again and I swear I won't touch him.'

 

'I told you to give me time to think. And promise me you won't look at Zayn for longer than necessary. I know that's hard, but you'll find a way, I'm sure. Do we understand each other?'

 

'What? What are you talking about 'looking at him'? No, I don't understand you.'

 

'Don't fuck him, don't touch him, don't be inappropriate with him. Got it? Or do I need to repeat myself?'

 

Liam knew that Louis was going to back him into a corner. Of course, he was going to punish him. Liam took a deep breath. 'I suppose I should be grateful you're showing signs of jealousy.'

 

"I'm doing it for Niall. Speaking of which, we are going to watch a movie together. I'll contact you when I'm ready.'

 

'I won't touch him, Louis.' Liam texted. But he knew Louis' dogma was going to wear thin fast, especially if Louis refused to let him see him.

 

~*~

 

Shane looked up when Zayn returned and smiled. "Hey. Everything alright in there?"

 

"Yeah, everything's good," Zayn said and slid back into his seat. His drink was waiting for him and he took it, giving it a look. "You wouldn't do something creepy like spike my drink, would you?"

 

Shane actually looked offended. "No. Dude."

 

Zayn felt a bit guilty. "Sorry," he said with a bit of a sheepish smile. "It's my first time in...a place like this." Really, he didn't know what he could expect.

 

"Really?" Shane seemed to light up at that. "You out?"

 

"I don't really think I'm 'in'," Zayn said with a slight shrug, feeling just the slightest bit uncomfortable.

 

"What does that mean?" Shane laughed, leaning into him familiarly.

 

Zayn got a whiff of his musky cologne and he leaned a little closer, smirking a bit as he said, "Well...I'm kind of..." his eyes flickered over Shane's body, "...curious."

 

"Yeah?" Shane's face assumed a sudden, pointed intensity. "Y'know, we could ditch this place and I could... satisfy your curiosity..." he said, lecherously.

 

Zayn leaned a bit back at that. While this was all fun and games, he wasn't sure if he felt ready to go home with a stranger, another man. He took a sip of his drink. "You would like that, wouldn't you."

 

"You'd better believe it," Shane said, raking his eyes over Zayn from head to toe. "You done it before?"

 

"No," Zayn said and he knew that if he was ever going to do it, it sure as hell wasn't going to be with some random guy in a random gay bar. 

 

"But you want to?" Shane asked, clearly so, so keen.

 

Zayn turned to look at him and he could see that the guy was practically salivating. "Not quite," he said honestly. While he wanted to feel a weight on top of him, feel pinned down, he wasn't comfortable with the sex part.

 

Shane literally licked his lips. "Then why're you in a gay bar, sweetheart? You know what boys are here for."

 

"I'm here, because I get a thrill of doing something I'm not supposed to," Zayn said, smirking. "And of course, I want to know if I'm attracted to men in general." He leaned a bit into Shane, "I'm certainly not here to give myself to the first guy I talk to."

 

"Ohhh, I see," Shane sighed. "So you're going to wiggle that cute little butt you got at everyone in this bar, and then leave and fall into bed with the boy you came in with..." As for that boy he came in with, Liam slunk out of the bathroom, really not at all pleased with the arrangement he'd just made.

 

Zayn looked over at Liam and he was probably the only one Zayn felt comfortable experimenting with, but that had been ruined by fucking Tomlinson. He sighed a bit. "No. He promised his ex --who he's trying to win back--that he wouldn't touch anyone else."

 

"Mmmm," Shane purred. "Can he get away with anyone else touching _him_? I swear, I could take you back to my place and show you both the world -- Like Aladdin. I have a magic carpet and everything."

 

Zayn actually laughed at that. "What? I'm not enough for you?" he asked with a mock offended voice. 

 

"You absolutely would be, darling, but you seem the type that would feel safer with a friend."

 

Zayn glanced at Liam and he found himself considering it, but quickly shook the thought out of his head. "He's not particularly fond of you, so I doubt he'd want to." And he's hung up on Louis.

 

"Of me?" That offended look again. "What the fuck did I ever do to him?"

 

"Chill, bro," Zayn said, putting a hand on Shane's arm. "He was...jealous because you hit on me without considering the possibility that he might be my boyfriend."

 

"Well, is he?"

 

"My boyfriend?" Zayn shook his head. "We're good friends."

 

"Well, either he wants to be your boyfriend -- badly, or he's a psycho. Because that's bullshit."

 

Zayn blinked. The first option couldn't be true, considering that Liam was still desperately --and pathetically--trying to win Louis back. "He's a bit odd," Zayn said with a shrug. 

 

"Pity. He has a gorgeous body." Then he turned back to Zayn, stroking a hand down his arm. "Ditch him. Come with me."

 

Zayn looked down at the hand touching him and he could feel that same thrill running through him. He leaned in close to Shane and gave him a pretty smile. "Sorry. That's not going to happen."

 

"Would you let me suck your cock in the alleyway?" Shake asked, eyebrows rising hopefully.

 

Zayn's eyes immediately flew to Shane's lips and his dick twitched. Jesus, he couldn't say no to that. "Fuck, yes," Zayn said, getting to his feet.

 

Shane licked his lips and nearly dragged Zayn out of the building, into the alley. Liam saw this and followed at a distance, ready to throw down if need be.

 

"How good are you with that mouth?" Zayn purred once they were out in the alley. He doubted anyone could top the blowjob Niall had given him; that one had been out of the world.

 

"You're about to find out," Shane said, dropping to his knees and undoing his fly. He dragged his tongue over his boxers before fishing his cock out and curling his tongue around it.

 

Zayn threw his head back against the dirty wall, fingers automatically finding their way into Shane's air. "Yes," he said with a small moan, hips bucking a little.

 

Shane sucked him down, moaning even more loudly than Zayn. The boy knew a lot of tricks, that was sure enough... But he was almost too showy to be worth much. He reached between Zayn's thighs and fondled his balls. As Zayn was getting his BJ, Liam peeked out at them to make sure everything was alright. He caught Zayn's eye and quirked an eyebrow.

 

Zayn was a little disappointed. This guy was good, but nowhere near Niall. He cursed internally, realizing that he'd be comparing every blowjob he got to Niall's to the end of time. He caught sight of Liam and he quirked a brow back at him, surprised and warmed that he'd followed him to make sure he was alright.

 

Liam just gave him a cheeky grin and a wink before ducking back inside. He hadn't been approached and he was fine with that. He was already too preoccupied with Louis.

 

Zayn could feel his cock pulsating and throbbing, the tension coiling tight in his belly. "I'm close," he panted, fingers tightening in Shane's hair.

 

"C'mon," Shane purred, taking his mouth off Zayn's cock before hungrily stuffing it again, pulling his hips into his face.

 

Zayn thrust his hips, pushing his cock down Shane's throat and he tensed as he came with a loud moan. He fell back against the wall, panting harshly.

 

"Bet you've never been blown like that before," Shane panted, wiping his mouth off on his hand.

 

Zayn nearly snorted, but caught himself, giving an ambiguous hum as reply. He pulled tucked himself back in and zipped up. He pulled out his cigarette pack. "Want one?" 

 

Shane shrugged. "Sure I can't take you home?"

 

Zayn rolled his eyes a bit and gave Shane a cigarette, leaning in and lightening it for him before placing one between his own lips. He took a deep drag and let it out. "Sorry, man. Maybe another time."

 

"You have a super pretty cock," Shane said. "Can I give you my number?"

 

Zayn smiled a bit. "Sure," he said, having little to no intentions of calling him.

 

"Give me your phone. I'll type it in."

 

Zayn raised a brow, but did as he was told. He fished out his phone and checked it for anything new before giving it over.

 

There was a text from Niall: 'Hey. When's the funeral?'

 

Zayn stared at it for a moment. He sighed. 'It was this morning.' He looked up at Shane and handed him the phone.

 

As Shane was typing his number in, a text came up. "Did you not tell me because your family didn't want me there?" Shane read aloud.

 

"Give me that," Zayn said and snatched the phone out of Shane's hand. He walked a few paces away. 'No. I didn't think you'd care to come.' He looked at Shane, "Tell me your number. I'll type it in." He just wanted to conclude this as fast as possible so he could leave.

 

Shane told him, smiling adoringly at him the whole time.

 

Zayn typed it in quickly. "I have to go find my friend now," he said, flashing Shane a smile and walking past him.

 

"Call me!" Shane called after him.

 

A text came in: "I wanted to send flowers. I know your family doesn't like me so I wouldn't have come."

 

Zayn went back inside, eyes searching for Liam when the text came in. He sighed. ‘It doesn't matter now. It's over and done with.’

 

"Who's that?" Liam asked, coming up behind him.

 

"Niall," Zayn muttered and shoved the phone back into his pocket. "I'm ready to leave."

 

"Is he upsetting you again?" Liam asked, leading him out to the car.

 

"No," Zayn said quickly. "Just...I guess talking to him and knowing that things will never be the same again is what's upsetting." He climbed into the car and slumped in his seat. 

 

'Can I send flowers to your house? Or would that make things worse?' Niall texted to him.

 

"He's watching a movie with Louis right now," Liam grumbled. "And probably Harry."

 

"Of course he is," Zayn said, irritated. He saw Niall's text and he wondered why Niall couldn't understand that it wasn't his flowers he wanted, he wanted him to be there for him instead of having an orgy with two rich kids. 'Yeah, that's probably not a good idea.' He turned to look at Liam, "So, how did it go with Louis?"

 

"Apparently, I'm not allowed to look at you for too long, because he's only going to give me forgiveness on his terms."

 

Zayn snorted. "That's fucking bullshit. He can't expect you to abstain without doing the same," Zayn sighed. "You agreed to that, didn't you?" 

 

Liam sighed hard. "I did. He wants to punish me a little bit and I did."

 

Zayn could feel himself getting annoyed. This guy already had Niall and now he wanted Liam too.  That selfish, greedy little shit. "He's got you whipped," Zayn muttered. "I guess you shouldn't look at me for too long," he said with a scoff.

 

Liam huffed hard. "I'm not happy about it. Trust me, I'm not bloody happy about it. But I -- I just..." He sighed heavily. "I have to see him again. I have to."

 

Zayn turned away and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, alright, let's hope it's worth it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for your shares!
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	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends!
> 
> Recently, Twitter decided to Permanently Suspend my account (no TOS were violated), and because they have no customer service whatsoever, I don't know why, nor can I get them to review the situation or send me even the scantest information. I am also banned from creating new accounts...
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> Because of this, I would be ever so grateful if you would share this work as far and wide as you possibly can! Instead of a kudos, how about a share? I would appreciate it so much, as my advertising platform has been cut in half.
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> Please come visit me on Tumblr! I am always happy to chat and I'm considering holding some author's forums. I'd love to hear from you!
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> Best wishes,  
> GV

Niall was working on bathrooms today. He had slipped into Harry's bathroom and was now scrubbing at the tile of his shower with all his might.

 

Harry who'd just gotten home found Niall there and leaned against the doorframe, appreciatively watching Niall's bum. "Finding a pretty boy in my bathroom on his knees is always a pleasant surprise."

 

Niall turned around, flushed and panting softly. "Startled me, Harry..."

 

Harry just smirked slowly. "I like startling you," he said, eyes tracing the flush to where it disappeared under Niall's thin shirt.

 

Niall stared at him a little bit -- he was just delicious. Every way he moved was sexy in some way and Niall really, really didn't want to keep his promise to Louis. "Um... I'm almost done, here... If you're still down for going to the zoo."

 

"That's why I came back here," Harry replied and pushed away from the door, stepping into the bathroom and casually closing the door behind him, leaning against it. He looked Niall up and down. "You look hot when you're scrubbing my bathroom floor." He lifted his gaze to Niall's and dragged his tongue across his lip "Makes me want to suck your dick."

 

Niall groaned a little bit, feeling his cock leap in his pants. "Harry..." He rubbed his forehead with a sudsy hand and tried to breathe normally. "Now's not a good time... I'm on the clock, you know?" He also couldn't let Harry suck him off knowing the conversation he was going to have to have with him later.

 

Harry wasn't deterred. He slowly began to advance on Niall with a predatory look in his eyes, backing the boy into the tiled wall. "Don't pretend like you don't want my lips wrapped around your cock," he breathed into his ear, his fingers curling under the waistband of Niall's jeans. "I haven't been able to think of anything else. Couldn't even concentrate on my Chem project."

 

"Harry..." Niall grabbed his hands to stop him. "Your dad -- if your dad finds out, I'm -- I can't lose this job."

 

Harry batted Niall's hand away and curled a hand behind Niall's neck to pull him into a deep kiss. His other hand snuck down and pulled down the zipper, slipping into the opening and grazing Niall's cock. "He won't find out," Harry panted softly into Niall's mouth.

 

Niall couldn't help it. He took hold of Harry's head and pulled him back in to kiss him over and over. There was nothing he needed more than a beautiful, egotistical, rich boy fawning over him right now. The ache of Zayn wasn't so severe with Harry around. "I wanna touch you," he panted against Harry's full lips.

 

Harry pressed closer to Niall. He felt so fucking happy when Niall touched him, when Niall couldn't resist him, it gave him a satisfaction he didn't get from everyone else that were falling at his feet; it was addicting and dangerous. "I'm all yours," he panted when they parted for air.

 

Niall groaned. He pushed Harry's coat off him and unbuttoned his shirt, kissing down his neck and stroking over his beautiful torso. "I'll let you suck me if you want," he panted softly. "I just want to touch you for a little bit."

 

Harry moaned, throwing his head a bit back and pushing into Niall's touch. His hands stroked down Niall's hips. "Yes," he said breathlessly, "I want your cock in my mouth. In every way I can have it."

 

Niall smiled and reached down to undo his fly as he kept kissing over Harry's face and neck. "It's all yours, baby..."

 

"Yes," Harry sighed and slipped his hand under Niall's pants, feeling the half-hard cock in his hand and he groaned a bit. "It's mine. Should only be mine. You shouldn't give it to anyone else but _me_." 

 

Oh, shit. "Harry..." Niall started this, but he didn't know how to end it. He certainly couldn't open up that conversation, now, could he? He kissed Harry's temple and nuzzled into his curls, massaging at the back of his neck with one hand and reaching between his legs with the other to distract him.

 

Harry kissed Niall's face, nibbling his earlobe. "Do you want to fuck my throat till it's sore and my voice is raspy?"

 

"Yes," Niall squeaked. "Fuck, yes, Harry... You're fucking perfect..."

 

Harry smiled, pleased. "Of course I am." He dropped to his knees and tugged Niall's pants down, freeing Niall's cock. He went straight to work, licking down his shaft, taking him in fast and efficiently. He looked up at Niall through his lashes and squeezed his thighs, signaling for him to start thrusting.

 

"Jesus, Harry," Niall sighed, rolling his hips into Harry's mouth, pulling his hair gently. "I wanna hear you moan..."

 

Harry hummed around the cock in his mouth, swallowing around it, gagging wetly. He pulled back to say, "I fantasize about you tying me up and fucking me into my mattress," before he slurped Niall's cock in again.

 

"Oh, fuck!" Niall squeaked, his cock jumping in Harry's mouth. "Harry.. fuck..." He started thrusting a little harder, not wanting to hurt him, but he was turned on so hard he felt his blood shimmering in his body. "I wanna fuck you all day again," he blurted out.

 

Harry was gagging and making wet, slurping noises around the mouthful of cock so he squeezed Niall's thighs hard to signal how ready he was for that. He was almost convinced that he wanted to spend the rest of his days with Niall's cock up his ass. He sucked more enthusiastically, determined to get Niall off.

 

It didn't take Niall very long. His hips curled hard and his hand fisted in Harry's hair and he was coming in the other boy's mouth, as he strangled back his moans.

 

Harry sucked him dry and did his best to swallow every little precious drop. He finally pulled off and looked up at Niall with glazed eyes and red, wet mouth. 

 

"Fuck," Niall panted, dropping down into Harry's lap and kissing him feverishly, tasting his own come as he sucked on Harry's lips.

 

Harry groaned and pushed Niall down on his back, crawling on top of him, kissing back fiercely. "Niall," he sighed, voice heavy and sexily raspy. He nuzzled his neck and bit down on the skin of his collar bone, soothing the reddened skin with his tongue

 

"You need me?" Niall asked, reaching down and stroking him between his legs, feeling his length.

 

Harry hungrily grinded into Niall's hand. "Want your cock. Want you to fuck me," he said against where he was sucking in marks. "God, I'm such a slut for you," he said with a sigh but with no trace of shame.

 

"Oh, Harry..." Niall sighed. He was spent, but he knew there would be no problem getting it back up for Harry in a couple of minutes. "Go get on the bed," he panted. "And find me something to tie you up with."

 

"Fuck, yes," Harry kissed Niall deeply before he got off and went into his room. He found some of his scarves and crawled onto the bed, rolling off his jeans and throwing off his shirt, until he was left in tight boxers. 

 

Niall let out a soft whimper in the bathroom. He was so screwed. He finally peeled himself off the shower floor and walked into the bedroom. God, naked Harry. "Blindfold yourself," he said softly, before going to the door and making sure it was locked.

 

Harry didn't have to be told twice, he tied one of his ties around his eyes and spread himself out on the bed. As he laid there, blind and vulnerable, he thought how ridiculous it was that he trusted some unstable, poor kid this much. But he knew Niall was more than an unstable, poor kid. He sighed and threw his head a little back, knocking those nagging thoughts of his mind.

 

"Open your legs," Niall said, leaning against the door and watching this beautiful boy do as he bid.

 

Harry breathed in hard, heart knocking against his chest as he did what he was told, letting his thighs fall open. "C'mon, c'mere," he said, his hand trailing down his bare chest. "Come touch me, Niall."

 

"Touch yourself," Niall said, walking around him, admiring him from every angle. "Show me how you want me to fuck you..." He tossed some lube on the bed next to Harry's elbow so he could find it.

 

Harry groaned, fiercely turned on by that. He grabbed for the lube and slicked his fingers in it. He hooked a hand under his knee and spread himself further open. He let his lubed fingers wander down his body, tantalizingly slow, until he let them slide between his cheeks, rubbing around his entrance, mewling softly, cheeks flushing pretty pink. 

 

"Ohmygod," Niall whispered. He wanted to take pictures. He'd never seen anything like it before, nothing so sexy and beautiful in all his life. He couldn't resist it: He pulled out his phone and took a snap, the click loud enough for Harry to hear.

 

Harry paused. "Jesus, what are you doing?" he asked, turning his head in the direction of the sound.

 

"You mind? They're just for me," Niall said, softly kissing his knee. "Don't stop... Harry, you’re gorgeous."

 

Harry considered it for a second and came to the conclusion that he didn't mind at all. He continued, pushing his finger in until it was knuckle-deep and began moving it, letting out soft, breathy moans. Impatiently, he added another finger, gasping lewdly as he curled them inside of himself. 

 

Niall had to snap a few shots of that, the arousal coiling in him almost painfully. "Feel good?" Niall asked, panting.

 

Harry nodded, shivering as he ghosted his free hand over his heavy, throbbing cock. "So tight for you, love," he purred, fucking his fingers harder into his tight hole, opening himself up.

 

Niall silently stripped himself from his clothes, watching Harry fuck himself hungrily. His cock was alive and raring to go again as he crawled on top of Harry, hovering over him but not touching him. Then he leaned over and kissed his nipple, gently sucking it into his lips. "You want me to come in you, lover?" he asked, curling his tongue around the taut nub.

 

Harry immediately arched into the touch. "Yes," he gasped, looking wrecked already. " _Yes_. Kiss me," he said, stroking down Niall's shoulder blades.

 

Niall leaned over and kissed Harry's other nipple, willfully misunderstanding him as he stroked his hand over Harry's as it thrust into his pucker.

 

Harry whined a bit and dug his fingers in further and pulling his leg open wider, the blindfold made everything more exciting, more arousing. "Kiss me," he said again, more impatiently.

 

Niall stroked up Harry's widely spread thigh, enjoying being able to eye-fuck him without the self-consciousness of Harry seeing it. "I'll kiss you when it's time to kiss you," he said, gently kissing the crown of his cock before gently urging his hand out of his hole and taking both of his wrists in his own hands. He pressed them above Harry's head on the pillow and started tying him to the bedpost.

 

Harry was so pliant and obedient, so ready to let Niall have him in any which way he wanted. He was breathing hard, heartbeat harsh, cock leaking a bit of precome against his smooth, flat belly. "Record it," he said, his voice raspy, "I wanna watch it."

 

"Ok," Niall said, stroking down his arms, somewhat awed at how beautiful, generous, tender Harry was beneath him. He regretfully left him, trailing his fingertips off him when he went to get his phone. He set it up at the best angle he could find before coming back to Harry, kissing up his foot. "You're beautiful, Harry," he said, sincerely, meaning it to the bottom of his heart. "You've never been more beautiful than you are right now."

 

Harry had heard it about a million times before --that he was beautiful--from about a million other mouths, but none of them made his heart swell the way it did when it came from Niall. It made him slowly realize how utterly screwed he was. He tugged at his restrains. "I want to see you," he said, wanting so badly to see the way Niall was looking at him. "Take off the blindfold. Let me see you."

 

"I will -- Later." Niall stroked his hands over Harry's body, just adoring him. He kissed up his belly and his sternum, to his chin. "I'm gonna take you, now, Harry...."

 

Harry's whole body tingled with anticipation and his thighs instinctively spread wider, hole winking hungrily. "I'm all yours, love," he purred, so willing to give himself to Niall. It should scare him.

 

Niall lifted Harry's knee onto his shoulder and aligned himself to Harry's quivering hole. "I love it when you say that..." He pushed inside him, the thrill of it almost making him come immediately when his entire shaft slid in to the hilt.

 

Harry bucked, tugging in his restrains and his mouth falling open in a lewd moan. "Oh fuck," he gasped, body arching at the incredible feeling of being full of cock. 

 

"You ok, baby?" Niall asked, hugging his hips, keeping him in his lap.

 

The stretch was painful and Harry shifted to accommodate the fullness, relaxing around Niall's cock. "I'm ok," he panted, giving Niall an internal squeeze. "Fuck me."

 

Niall started rolling his hips slowly into Harry's body. He'd already come, so he was able to take his time with him. He kissed gently over Harry's face, working him slowly as he felt his body relax further still. He stroked his thighs for a long time, timing them with the thrusts. He sucked his ears and reached between them to stroke his stretched hole, all the while cooing at him and telling him he was beautiful.

 

Harry didn't last very long with that treatment and with one of his senses blocked, the other heightened; every touch, every thrust, every word seemed to send ripples of pleasure through his body. He awarded Niall with lewd moans, small mewls, gasping his name every other second. He kept instinctively tugging in his retrains, wanting to touch Niall, to hug him close. "Free me," he gasped at some point, "Please, I want to touch."

 

"Do you trust me?" Niall asked, panting against his lips.

 

"Yes," Harry whispered sincerely, "so much. God. I'd give you everything you ask."

 

Niall tucked his arm around Harry's head to cradle him and stroked his thumb over his lush lips. "I care about you, Harry," he said sincerely. "Believe me, I do... I care about you a lot..."

 

Harry kissed Niall's thumb. "I care about you too," he said, so soft and open in a way he might not have been if he wasn't in this vulnerable and trusting position. "When I say I'm yours, I mean it with every fucking part of me."

 

"Oh, baby," Niall groaned, his heart breaking. "Oh, baby..." he kissed him, wanting both to make love to him and to comfort him. "My baby..." He started rocking again, using the pleasure to burn the pain out of his heart.

 

He didn't remove the blindfold: he couldn't let Harry see the truth on his face.

 

Harry writhed underneath him in pleasure. He could feel himself getting so close to sweet release, but he didn't want to come without touching Niall, without seeing him. "Niall, untie me, come on," he said, impatient, tugging hard at restraints, only achieving the material tightening around his wrist. "Niall."

 

"No," Niall said bluntly. "No, baby, like this... Come for me like this..."

 

Harry whined, displeased. "Just..." he huffed, "I want to see you."

 

Niall kissed him softly. He knew what Harry wanted to see -- he knew Harry wanted to see the love he felt for Niall reflected back at him in Niall's eyes. And he knew it wasn't there. To distract him, Niall folded his fist around Harry's cock and started to stroke in time to his thrusts.

 

Harry gasped softly and threw his head back against his soft pillow. Niall barely got in a few strokes before Harry reached his limit and came with long-drawn, beautiful moan, mouth hanging open as he splashed his own and Niall's chest in white.

 

"Oh, God..." Niall closed his eyes and sped his hips, coming shortly after him, filling him deeply, pressing as far as he could into Harry's hot channel. "Oh, baby..."

 

Harry whimpered, falling against the bed, boneless. He panted harshly, trying to regain some sense of mind. Once he did, he weakly trying to tug his hands free. "Anytime now, love."

 

"I like you like this," Niall teased, panting against his chest. "You're so at my mercy..."

 

"Seriously, it's beginning to hurt," Harry said. Now that the lust wasn't blowing his mind, he was beginning to feel a clawing of doubt and uncertainty under his skin. He felt too vulnerable. "Get them off."

 

Niall sighed and gently pulled himself from Harry's body. Then he crawled up and easily untied Harry from the bedpost, taking a moment to remind himself that he genuinely did adore this boy before Harry removed the blindfold.

 

Harry removed the blindfold, blinking slowly with his eyes to adjust to the light change. Then he looked at Niall, looked him dead in the eyes and forced himself to search in them, search so thoroughly. "I've never told anyone that," he said, keeping the intense eye-contact, voice slow and low, "that I'm theirs."

 

Niall immediately felt guilty and was unable to keep his eyes on Harry's. "I --" he started, but stopped himself. He didn't want to have this conversation right now, not right now while they were still hot and wet from the most amazing sex he'd ever had. "Let me just--" he got up and turned off his camera video, knowing this was the last thing Harry would want recorded.

 

Harry swallowed, jaw clenching and he could feel something inside of him freezing up, turning into stone. He abruptly sat up, barely noticing the pain shooting up his spine and covered himself with a sheet. He stared at Niall, unwavering, fingers curling into the sheet subconsciously.

 

Niall carefully crawled on to the bed with him and held the phone between them. "I won't share this with Louis," he said softly. "I swear..." He knew how special it was. It was special for him, too. But he noticed Harry's expression -- that stony look that made Niall nervous. "Harry...?" he reached out to stroke a curl behind his ear.

 

Harry instinctively flinched back. Everything he'd been keeping down, rushing up, curling around every organ of his body and squeezing. He'd known the truth, of course he had, but somehow, he had desperately tried to fool himself. It almost made him want to laugh at how pathetic he'd become. It almost made him want to cry. His expression didn't shift despite the emotional turmoil inside of him, but he knew that one more look at Niall would make him crack.

He looked away and stumbled off the bed and onto his unsteady legs. "I'm going to take a shower," he said, voice surprisingly steady and also chillingly cold. "When I'm done, I want you to be gone."

 

"What?" Niall snapped. "Why? Harry--? What? Are you seriously kicking me out after the best fucking sex I've ever had? Harry--! Seriously?!"

 

He was the only fool here and it was his own fault. He was going to break down in a way he'd never had in about five seconds. He strode towards his bathroom as gracefully as you can when you've just got your ass fucked. He white-knuckled the door and he could feel his eyes sting. "Get the fuck out, Horan."

 

"No!" Niall barked. He went to the door, slung an arm around Harry's waist and dragged him back to the bed as best he could. He wrestled him down and climbed on top of him, managing to capture a hand and pin it to the bed with his knee. "Now you listen to me, you idiot!" he fumed. "I care about you! Are you not hearing me, Harry? I care about you! I would love you, Harry, I would love you in an instant but my heart is... My-my heart is..." He started to deflate, that barbarian strength that had given him the power to wrestle Harry and win began to fade. "My heart is broken, Harry... It's just... I'm broken. Ok? Don't ... please don't go away. Please don't leave me. Please don't shut me out. I don't want to be left alone, Harry..."

 

Harry stared up at Niall, eyes shining with unshed tears. He could feel his heart responding to Niall, he could feel himself wanting to curl around Niall and hold him, but he wasn't going to do that. "Who do you think I am?" he said, voice wavering. "I don't settle on being someone's second choice. I don't settle on being your fucking distraction. I'm not going to just sit there and be available for you and wait till you get over someone else." He pushed Niall off of him and glared fiercely at him, tears lining his eyes. "I'm not going to pine for you, Niall Horan. I don't do that shit. The bottom line is that you would love me, but you can't, right? I don't fucking want you in my life then."  

 

Niall closed his eyes and felt the pain of that -- was there nothing life had to offer him but pain, lately? Pain and loss. He couldn't deny that Harry was right. He couldn't deny that Harry deserved to be more than someone's second choice. But this left him only more alone than he ever had been. So horribly alone and unwanted. He wanted to say something, that he understood, anything, but he just couldn't. There was nothing to say. So he simply rose, his eyes on the carpet, and gathered his clothing in silence.

 

Harry looked away, jaw clenching and unclenching, a treacherous tear trailing down his flushed cheek. The sharp ache in his chest was unlike anything he'd ever felt, it was like someone had shot his heart, not one or twice, but over and over again. He'd been right all long. Love was one big, pile of bullshit.

 

Niall dressed efficiently and when he was neatly put together, he looked back at Harry, who was still standing in the door, so gorgeous for his vulnerability. He prayed god give him the words to make this alright. There was so much pain between the two of them. What he ended up doing was standing there forever, staring stupidly.

 

Harry's jaw clenched and was unable to look at Niall. "Get out," he said, pained. "Just go."

 

Niall winced, clearly as pained as Harry and nodded, slipping through the door and leaving silently.

 

~*~

 

Niall was watching the giraffes, the sun setting behind their enclosure. He hadn't moved in over an hour.

 

Zayn was at home and after finding an old drawing Niall had gifted him back in kindergarten, he'd been seized with nostalgia. He found himself swallowing his pride and calling Niall's phone.

 

Niall looked at his phone for some time. With a sigh he answered it right before it went to voicemail. "I can't-- I can't get into it with you right now, Zayn," he said honestly. His voice conveyed that he was at the end of his rope.

 

"I'm not calling to get into it," Zayn said with a soft sigh and rested his head against the wall. "I just... I miss you loads...come on, Ni. Let's hang out. Let's do something crazy. Let's sneak into Mr. Mill’s pool. Let's get our tattoo together. I've got one, I can't wait to show you."

 

Niall was quiet for a long time. "I don't... I don't see the point, Zayn."

 

Zayn closed his eyes and sighed. "You can't push me out of your life like this. I'm not going to let you."

 

"Yeah, Zayn, you are. Ok? I have nothing to offer you. And you won't give me what I want. I have one purpose here, Zayn -- to look after Amy. After that, there's... There's... There's no reason for me to be here."

 

Zayn sat up straight at that, alarmed. That sounded scarily close to what Niall would say when he was scraping the bottom. "Where are you?" he asked steadily.

 

"It doesn't matter," Niall mumbled. "See you around." He hung up the phone and took a deep breath. He knew he had to get out of here and find a place to sleep before the sun went down or else he would be under the overpass and that always sucked.

 

"Fucking hell," Zayn cursed under his breath and leapt off his bed, grabbing his jacket and speeding out of the door. He heard his father call after him, but he just shouted back that he would be right back.

 

The first thing he did was to text Louis: 'Is Niall with you?'

 

He got a text back the next second: 'No, why?'

 

Zayn's jaw clenched and he called Niall's phone again.

 

Niall wasn't going to answer. There was literally nothing in the world he could think of that he wanted to say to Zayn. It was all madness. He walked into the park where he usually had the best chance of finding a bench.

 

Zayn shoved the phone back into his pocket, unsettled and agitated. He got on the bus and decided to look for him at his home, but the park was closer and he knew that Niall usually could be found there. He got off the bench and speed through the park, searchingly look around. He caught sight of his blond head up ahead and he felt relief flood him, "Niall! Hey!"

 

Niall had found a bench and had curled up on it possessively, stretching his frame out so no one would be confused as to whom this bench belonged. He heard someone calling for him, but he didn't move. This was his bench and he'd be damned if he was going to be suckered out of it.

 

Zayn jogged up to him. "Hey," he said softly, bending down to catch Niall's eyes. "You alright?"

 

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Zayn," Niall groaned. "I'm fine. Buzz off."

 

Zayn rolled his eyes and pushed Niall legs to make a bit of space, sitting down. He lit a cigarette and offered Niall one. 

 

Niall refused it, hugging his hoodie tighter around himself.

 

Zayn sighed softly. "Do you want to see my tattoo? It's pretty sick."

 

Niall didn't reply.

 

Zayn watched Niall for a few moments. He then grabbed Niall's arm and forced him to sit up. "Niall, look at me," he said firmly, tugging Niall's hoodie down. 

 

"I don't owe you shit, fuck off," Niall mumbled, smacking his hand away.

 

"Alright. I'm going to stay right here," Zayn said easily and took a drag of his cigarette. "I'm not leaving." He didn't dare leave Niall to himself, because what he'd heard in his voice scared him shitless.

 

Niall didn't seem to care. He could call that bluff. After all, he'd spent nights on street benches, exposed and freezing -- Zayn hadn't. The boy would cave eventually.

 

Zayn didn't budge. He scrolled through his phone and commented on something funny he saw every now and then, even though he didn't get a response. The sun was setting and the dark blanket was creeping over the sky. Zayn shivered in his thin jacket and looked up on the web that it'd be a pretty cold night. He looked at Niall who was wearing an even thinner hoodie. Without thinking further of it, he took of his jacket and draped it over Niall; at least one of them would feel less cold.

 

"Stoppit!" Niall snapped after two hours. "Zayn, go home!" He threw the jacket back at the other boy. "Go _home_! I don't want you here! You hear me? I don't want you! I don't fucking want you here, I don't want you in my life, I don't fucking _want you_! Just leave me fucking alone -- forever!"

 

Zayn barely flinched and just stared at Niall. He bent down and picked the jacket up from the cracked asphalt. "No," he said steadily. "I'm not going anywhere. You're my best friend, my family, and I'm not going anywhere. Ok? So just deal with it. Get a restraining order if you'd like. I'd still be here till I get thrown in jail."

 

"I'm not your fucking family!" Niall snapped. "I hate your fucking family! You're all homophobic assholes and I don't want anything to do with you! You know what? I don't even fucking care your granddad's dead! Good fucking riddance! Good riddance to the lot of you!" Niall had sought for the most hurtful thing he could say and it came out of him so easily. He had so much pain and it seemed only natural to share it, as if that would make it go away.

 

Zayn's face fell instantly. The ache caused by the loss of his beloved grandfather was still so fresh and Niall's words only seemed to dig deeper into the wound. "You don't mean that," he said softly, hurt. "Don't say something like that."

 

"I'll fucking say it again if you don't fuck off, you piece of shit! Get lost!"

 

Zayn was silent for a long moment. "Does it make you feel better?" he asked. "If it makes you feel better hurting me then go ahead, Ni, go ahead and say it until you lose your voice."

 

"Don't you fucking be sanctimonious with me!" Niall roared, getting up and shoving him as hard as he could. "I hate you!" he shoved him again. "I hate your pretentious fucking family!" He shoved him again. "I hate your useless fucking dead grandfather!" He shoved him again. "I hate your mean ass father and your cowardly mother!" He shoved him again. "But most of all, I fucking hate you and your goddamn _pity_! I've always hated your motherfucking _pity_!"

 

Every shove nearly sent Zayn tumbling, but he managed to right himself each time. Every word pierced through him and he knew that Niall's words came from somewhere heartfelt and it only made it that much worse.

 

"Then hate me," he snapped, shoving Niall back. "Hate me with a burning passion, Niall, hate me if it's the only thing that'll make you feel something." He got up in his face and clutched his collar tightly in his fist. "Hate me until you've convinced yourself that you actually do. Hate me and my horrible family until you find strength in that hatred, strength to go on. Hate me till you don't love me anymore." His face was so close to Niall's face at this point, their harsh breath mingling, their eyes flashing.

 

Niall couldn't have stopped himself if he wanted to. He'd been triggered so hard -- it felt like such an unjustly cruel taunt, that before he knew it, he had clocked Zayn with every ounce of strength he had. It knocked Zayn to the ground and Niall was tempted to kick him. "Fuck you!" he spat. "Fuck you, you fucking asshole! You don't fucking know what hatred is! How could you? I know what hatred is, I was raised in it! My father hated me so much he left! My mother's tried to kill me! All of my sick fucking family has left me except for my sister and she stays alive by some rich pervert fucking me! Don't you fucking dare try to lecture me on hatred! Life hates me! Life fucking hates me and I'm fucking sick of pretending it doesn't! So get the fuck out of my life, Zayn! Because I do -- I _do_ hate you, I hate you more than my fucking father, than my fucking mother even more than Ray fucking Styles and I swear to God, if I ever see you again, I will fucking kill you! You hear me?"

 

Zayn slowly lifted his face from where it'd been tilted towards the ground. His lip had busted open and he could feel the coppery taste of blood in his mouth and the bruise forming along his jaw. However, the pain from that punch was absolutely nothing compared to the pain eating him up from the inside out. He stared up at Niall, stunned and at a loss of what more he could do. He winced a bit when he found nothing but dark hatred in Niall's glare and he knew then that he couldn't do anything to make things alright again. He could feel the last fragile pieces of their friendship shattering to the floor, cutting his skin open. He took a deep, broken breath and pushed himself onto his feet. He looked back at Niall, trying to find words but coming up with nothing. In the end, he just slowly walked past Niall's rigid form and picked up his jacket, shrugging it on. He stood there with his back to Niall for a few moments before he forced himself to walk.

 

Niall stood there for a long time after he had gone, unable to believe what he had done. He had finally shown Zayn all the agony that was inside him and it was ugly. He knew, beneath all this despair, he loved that boy more than anything, possibly even more than his sister, but the anguish that had coiled inside him had sprung forth, demanding to be heard. He was shaking. He could have stood there forever, except that he heard footsteps and saw a policeman approaching him from behind.

 

"Take your hands out of your pockets," the cop demanded. Niall gave him a steely look, but did as he was told. When the officer saw he had no weapons, he relaxed. "I got a call about a disturbance. I need to ask--" But before he could finish, Niall took off running, his feet slapping the pavement.

 

~*~

 

Zayn had taken a seat in the bench at a random bus stop in a random part of town, smoking and staring into thin air. The fact that Niall could do something reckless was driving him out of his mind and he knew he wouldn't be settled before he knew the boy was alright. He sighed and pulled out his phone, dialing Louis. 

 

"'Lo?" said the voice on the other end of the line, wary.

 

Zayn rubbed his temple, "Hey. Niall isn't well and he needs someone."

 

"Zayn?" Louis asked. "What? What is going on?"

 

"I don't know, man. Just get your ass to the park."

 

"The park...? Zayn, it's nearly midnight!"

 

"I know what time it is, Tomlinson. He's...in a bad shape, ok? And he doesn't want me anywhere near him. Just lift your ass before he jumps off a bridge."

 

"What happened?" Louis asked, jumping up from where he was on the sofa and grabbing his things.

 

"No idea. He hit his breaking point. Guess it was bound to happen sooner or later." Zayn was sure something had triggered it; something had been the last straw that broke the camel's back.

 

Louis suddenly felt apprehensive. This was the day Niall told him he was going to break it off with Harry -- Oh, God. "Fuck. FUCK. Fine! I'll fix it!" He hung up on Zayn and immediately tried to call Niall. The call went unanswered, which really made Louis' heart pound. As he struggled to get his coat and his shoes on, he called Harry, willing him to pick up.

 

It was taken just a second before it went to voicemail. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" Harry sneered into the phone, voice thick with sleep.

 

"Harry," Louis said, the tension apparent in his voice. "What happened with Niall?"

 

Harry sighed. "I'm not doing this at this ungodly hour. Call him if you want to know something about him.”

 

"He won't answer," Louis replied irritated. "And I got a call from Zayn that spooked me the fuck out and he's not here, so just tell me what goddamn happened, Harry!"

 

Harry blinked, suddenly wide awake. "What kind of call?" he asked, reluctantly concerned.

 

"He thinks Niall's going to hurt himself," Louis summed it up.

 

"What? Why would he..." Harry sat up and rubbed his temple. He'd been the one to get his heart broken, he should be the one doing something stupid. But then he wasn't as unstable as Niall was. He sighed, "I told him I didn't want him in my life."

 

"What? Why?" Louis asked, skipping out to his car on untied shoes, struggling to manage his keys.

 

Harry didn't reply for one long moment. "Because I don't want to look at him and know that I'm nothing more to him than a rebound and a distraction and that I'll always be a second choice. That's why."

 

Louis sighed hard. "I understand Harry," he said as he started his car and peeled out of his driveway. He couldn't blame Harry for feeling that way. "I'll take care of this," he said, his heart somewhat broken. "Go back to bed."

 

"Yea..." Harry wanted to ask Louis to call him if anything happened, but he reminded himself that Niall was no longer part of his life. He hung up the phone and fell back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He knew he wasn't getting much sleep tonight.

 

Louis drove like a maniac to get to the park. Once there, he launched from the vehicle and sprinted to and fro, from bench to bench trying to find his friend. He called his name and several bums told him to shut up or get cut, but that didn't stop him until he was absolutely certain the park was Niall-free. At that point, in a fit of frustration, he called Zayn. When the other boy answered the phone, he barked, "He's not here! Where else would he be?"

 

Zayn hadn't moved from his spot on the dirty bench. There was no bus going his way at this hour and he didn't feel like he had the energy to walk home, so he just sat there and chain-smoked. He took the call from Louis, brows knitting together in worry. "I don't know," he said, a bit panicked. "Fuck. Did his mother come back?"

 

"How the fuck do I know? Should I go over there? Jesus..."

 

"Yeah, you definitely should. He might be at the greenhouse though...or not." Zayn racked his brain for anywhere else that Niall would go. "There's this treehouse in the woods at the edge of town. We made it like a decade ago with the help of our families but...God, I don't know where he is." Zayn threw the half-smoked cigarette, stomping on it.

 

"There's no chance in hell I'm going to find a treehouse in the woods at the edge of town. I'll go to his mom's," he cringed, "and I'll check the greenhouse, but if he's not there, you have to get off your ass and help me, ok?"

 

Zayn sighed. "First, I don't have a car so I'm not going to be of much help. Two, he made it very clear that he didn't want to see me."

 

"Well, then what the fuck do I do, Zayn? If he's not there, what the fuck do I do?" Louis was genuinely worried. "Harry told him he didn't want him to be a part of his life, ok? I'm kind of freaking out, here."

 

Zayn's jaw clenched a bit. He’d known from the start that nothing with Harry was going to end well. "Go check his house and the greenhouse," Zayn said steadily. "If he's not there...then I don't know where else he'd be. He can't be at his sister’s at this hour...well, he could be in the waiting room, waiting for visiting hours to start." Zayn looked down the street, he was 15 minutes from the hospital. "I'll got check at the hospital."

 

"Alright, let me know what you find," Louis said, hanging up and stepping on the gas.

 

~*~

 

Louis pulled his sporty little BMW up to the hospital like he had someone dying in the backseat. The hospital staff even ran out to meet him and he gave them a blank look when they asked him if he needed a wheelchair. They were quite irritated when he told them it was just him, driving like an asshole. Then he ran inside to get Zayn. "He’s not at the greenhouse; his mother nearly killed me – whatever, he’s not at the apartment, either. Treehouse?" he said, foregoing a greeting.

 

Zayn gave a curt nod and followed Louis into his fancy little car. "What happened?" he asked once they began to drive.

 

"You're asking me?" Louis snapped a little bit. "I'm the one that hasn't been a part of any of this! The last time I saw Niall, we were snuggling in front of a movie!"

 

There was something about Louis Tomlinson that Zayn just couldn't stand. Maybe it was the fact that he'd more or less taken over their marijuana business, maybe it was that he had Liam so whipped, most probably it was because he'd stolen Zayn's best friend. He rolled the window down and lit a cigarette, not caring that it was rude.

 

The silence irritated Louis. "So," he said, a bit harshly, "why don't you tell me what the fuck happened? Starting with your lip -- what the fuck is up with your lip?"

 

Louis' mere voice was enough to grate on Zayn's nerves. "None of your business," he grumbled, gingerly fingering his busted lip. "Just drive and be quiet."

 

"Oh, for fuck's sake..." Louis grumbled, realizing this wasn't going anywhere. "Where's the treehouse?"

 

Zayn gave him the directions leading the car out of the populated city and onto a bumpy path among long, eerie trees. The woods were dark and quiet. It was a bit creepy and it brought back memories of himself and Niall walking around with flashlights just to scare the shit out of themselves. "Stop here." 

 

Louis did, pulling out his cellphone and using the flashlight app. "Niall?" he called, stomping fearlessly into the brush.

 

Zayn got out his phone as well and took the dirty path to the greenhouse. "Niall?" He nearly stumbled when a twig caught his ankle. He cursed a bit and continued until he finally came upon the small clearing where the tree house was. "Niall?" Zayn called and shone light on the treehouse. The long shadows it cast made Zayn feel like they were in the middle of a crappy horror movie. 

 

"No one's here," Louis sighed. "FUCK!" He kicked apiece of dead wood, launching it deep into the forest. "He's not here!" He looked near tears. "Zayn... fuck, Zayn, tell me what happened..."

 

Under his cool demeanor, Zayn was freaking the hell out as well. "I called him and he sounded so lifeless it made me worried. I found him in the park and he didn't want me there. He kept yelling that he hated me and to fuck off. He gave me this," Zayn said and dully pointed at his bruises. 

 

"Shit," Louis said. He sighed heavily, feeling sick to his stomach. "Harry... Harry told him... Well, I told you what he said... That might've done it. Fuck," Louis shook his head, feeling partially responsible for this.

 

Zayn pushed his hands in his pockets, the night was rather chilly. "Why did Harry tell him that?"

 

Louis sighed. "Because Niall's in love with you. And Harry's an arrogant ass, who wants everything and wants it now."

 

Zayn sighed deeply and leaned against a tree branch. "This is a mess," he muttered. "This whole fucking thing is a mess."

 

Louis sighed miserably. "I'm going to the police," he said, marching back to the car.

 

Zayn snapped out of his thoughts. "What? No! Are you out of your mind?"

 

"No! He's missing, Zayn! That's what you do with missing people, you report them to the police so you can find them! Zayn, I... I'm really freaked out, ok? I'm scared he's going to do something really... Really... I mean, you know."

 

Zayn's skin was pale. "They'll ask about his parents. It'll open up a whole can of worms. Besides, police don't do shit in this town. They won't find him." Zayn swallowed hard. There'd be no way to find Niall unless he wanted to be found.

 

"But he... Zayn... They find bodies." He didn't want to say it, but he had to.

 

Zayn felt sick. He took a deep breath and pressed the heels of his palms into his forehead. "No...God...fuck!" He pulled out his phone and dialed Niall, knowing it was futile. "Come on, come on, come on!" he said, growing more frustrated for each second.

 

No answer.

 

Louis sighed. "We don't have to tell them everything," he said. "Just... give them his name and description. Tell them his mom is out of town."

 

Zayn nearly threw his phone to the ground in a fit of worry and angst. "But a person can only be reported missing if he's been gone for 24 hours...or 12..."

 

"That's not actually true," Louis said, pointedly. "You can report them right away, since the sooner you report them, the easier they are to find. Come on..." he tugged on Zayn's sleeve.

 

Zayn followed Louis. He didn't trust the police to do their job, but it was worth the shot. They arrived to the police station, reported Niall missing, answered some basic questions. They kept their stories straight, and made their answers as brief as possible. There was no hassle. When they both got in the car, Louis was quiet for a long time. Then he said, softly, "I don't know what the fuck to do."

 

"There's nothing to do but wait," Zayn replied dully. The waiting was going to kill him. The waiting was going to be the worst part, the not knowing whether Niall was even alive or bleeding out somewhere.

 

Agitated, Louis picked up his phone and called Niall again. No answer. He clenched his fists on the steering wheel. "Where should I take you?" he asked, stiffly.

 

Zayn didn't want to go home. He'd ignored his father's phone calls all night and he didn’t want to get an hour long lecture. "Just...drop me off wherever," he said, tiredly. He wanted to go to Liam's, but he was sure the boy was fast asleep at this hour. 

 

"No," Louis said stiffly. "I'm not just going to ditch you on some street corner too, ok? If you don't want to go home, you can sleep at mine. My couch is comfy enough."

 

"No, it's fine," Zayn muttered and sent Liam a text on the off-chance that he'd be awake or be awakened by it. 'Hey. Call me when you see this.'

 

Louis huffed hard. "Why do you hate me so much? I never did a goddamn thing to you or anyone you've cared about. All I've done is try to help you."

 

"Sometimes you just meet a person you can't stand," Zayn replied coldly. "What's wrong, used to everyone fawning over you?"

 

"Oh, come off it, I'm not Harry fucking Styles," Louis growled. "You hate me because Niall likes me better than you," he said bluntly.

 

Zayn's jaw clenched. "You figured it out, congrats," he said, voice thick with sarcasm. 

 

"Well, get over it, alright. You knew that boy could've been all yours for all time and you didn't want it, and that's for you to deal with. Don't throw that shit on me. So I'm either dropping you off at a proper house or you're coming to mine, because I don't want you to go missing, too."

 

Zayn really disliked this guy. "Drop me off at Liam's," he said, hoping that it'd piss Louis off. 

 

Louis' jaw clenched shut. "Sidewalk it is, then."

 

"Then I'll have to call Liam to come pick me up," Zayn said, smirking slightly. He knew he was being a bit of an asshole, but at this time, he didn't care.

 

"Good. Enjoy the alley," Louis said, pulling up to the curb for Zayn to get out.

 

Zayn rolled his eyes and reached for the door, climbing out. He leaned against the door. "Don't drag out your shitty punishment. He won't be able to resist me for that long."

 

"Fucker," Louis curled his lip before Zayn slammed the door on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who need emotional support after this chapter, please come see me on Tumblr! I'm here for you ::hugs::  
> https://gvbutterworth.tumblr.com/
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	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a doozey

Zayn watched Louis speed away before he looked at his surroundings. It was a rather unpleasant part of town and he'd probably end up stabbed if he didn't get out soon. He sighed and pulled out his phone, calling Liam.

Liam answered, sounding groggy, but concerned. "Zayn?"

"Hey...um sorry for waking you up," Zayn said sheepishly. "But is there any chance you'd come and pick me up?"

"Are you in trouble?" There was the sound of linens rumpling as Liam clearly rolled himself out of bed.

"No, not yet at least," Zayn said, casting a glance at a rowdy group of drunk hobos further ahead. Zayn drew into the shadow of a dilapidated building. "It's a long story."

"Where are you? Can you send me your location on your phone?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll send it right away." Zayn pulled his phone from his ear and sent a pin. "Thank you,” he said, truly grateful to have Liam in his life.

"Sure thing. I'll be there in five." He was there in more around eight, looking sleepy but adorable in his pajamas. His expression was relieved when he saw Zayn was ok.

"Sorry," Zayn said with a soft smile as he climbed into the front seat. "Thank you, really." He wanted to go in for a hug because Liam looked so soft and cuddly and because he needed one, but the angle was awkward.

Liam didn't care. He pulled him close and squeezed tight. "So, tell me what all this is about so my heartrate can go down again."

Zayn rested his cheek against Liam's shoulder, feeling some of the sickness being chased away by Liam's warmth. He let out a deep, exhausted sigh and told Liam everything from beginning to end. When he was done, he looked distressed. The thought that he might never see Niall again tore him apart. "And this text from my father is the icing of the cake," he muttered, showing Liam the text his father had sent him a couple of hours earlier. 'If you don't come home in 10 minutes, then don't ever come back.'

Liam was immediately alarmed upon seeing that text. "I'll take you home," he said, putting the car in gear and stepping on the gas.

"What? No, I really don't want to go home," Zayn said. "I can't deal with that right now."

Liam sighed. "Do you want to come with me?" he asked gently.

"Yeah, just for tonight," Zayn sighed. "I'll go home tomorrow morning." He already felt exhausted at the thought of what he knew was awaiting him at home.

"Alright," Liam said softly. "You’re always welcome." He reached over and took Zayn's hand, squeezing it firmly. “And Niall’ll be alright. Probably just... needs some time to himself."

Zayn clutched Liam's hand tight for a few seconds. He took a deep breath and smiled weakly. "He'll be alright," he repeated, trying so desperately to convince himself.

"He'll be alright," Liam echoed back to him, knowing Zayn needed to believe that.

~*~

The next morning, after Liam had dropped Zayn off at his parent's, he texted Louis, "Hey. I just want to make sure you're alright. Zayn told me what happened last night."

'I'm fine.' Louis texted back, even though he wanted to ask Liam if he'd done anything with Zayn outside what was appropriate. As if sensing it, Liam typed: 'He stayed the night on the sofa.'

Louis scoffed. 'Yeah right. You sure he didn't spend it in your bed?' The mere thought of that made Louis want to strangle both Liam and Zayn then curl up in his bed.

'Yes. I want you back.'

Louis felt his heart speed up and he sighed. 'I have a suicidal, missing friend and a heartbroken one. I have too much on my plate right now."

'You know I'd take care of you while you took care of everyone else.'

Louis stupid heart actually melted, a pleasant warmth spreading through him. God. He hated Liam. He loved Liam. Suddenly all he wanted was fall into his arms, he felt exhausted and distraught. Before he could stop himself, he sent a text, 'Come to my place. Now.' As soon as he'd hit send, he threw the phone into the nearest cushion and buried his face in his hands. "I'm so weak," he whimpered, berating himself.

Liam didn't hesitate. He peeled out so fast, the Maliks no doubt heard it in their home. He made it to Louis' in record time, nearly taking out a woman jogging with her dog to do so. He raced up to the front steps and brushed himself off -- he looked rather terrible, after waking up at the crack of dawn to pick up his best friend, dressed in yesterday's clothes. Still, he couldn't care about that, now: Louis needed him. He delicately rang the doorbell to hide how badly he wanted to tear the door down.

"Oh fuck. Oh my God. Oh my God," Louis tripped around the living room, throwing glances at the door. He caught sight of his reflection and he looked like something that'd been run down by a jumbo jet in Detroit. This wasn't going to happen. "I changed my mind. Go away!" he shouted from the hallway, doubtlessly sounding a bit crazy.

"No!" Liam returned. "Louis!" He tried the door, to see if it was open.

Louis heard the door open and dashed over, slamming it shut with his weight. "Liam," he hissed, "I can't see you right now. Go away." He was scared that the minute he saw Liam's face, all of his carefully constructed defense mechanisms would prove their frailty.

"No," Liam said again, softer. "Louis... let me see you... please." He was begging and he had no shame.

Louis slumped against the door, exhausted in every sense of the word. "I'm not ready," he said in a pitiful whimper.

Liam knew if he wanted to, he could force the door open. He was stronger than Louis, even when he was using his full body weight. "Louis..." Liam sighed. "I won't ask for everything to be the way it was. I know it will take a long time for you to trust me -- if you ever trust me again. I don't expect... that. I just want to see you. Just let me... Let me hold your hand for a second... something. Give me a bit of hope here," Liam laughed weakly. "Just a scrap and I promise I'll do anything for you."

Louis clenched his eyes shut, the inner struggle tearing at him. "If I open this door," he said, voice wavering, "it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that I've forgiven you or that I we're back together or whatever. Do you understand that?"

"Of course," Liam said softly, his heart in his throat.

Louis took several moments to take deep breaths and slowly let them out. He straightened up and self-consciously ran a hand through his hair. His heart was beating at a manic rate and his hand shaking a bit as he closed it around the doorknob. He opened the door and stared at Liam.

When Liam's heart skipped a beat, it was visible in a whole-body start. "Hello," he said softly, wondrously, as if he'd never seen Louis before. He was reigning himself in, his only wish to take the boy in his arms and kiss him feverishly.

Louis was trying to convince himself that the reason he felt so weak in the knees had nothing to do with the beautiful boy standing before him and everything to do with his lack of sleep. "Hi," he said, mouth dry. He felt like a stupid middle-schooler with a crush. Dear God. He looked away from Liam's soft eyes. "Come in," he said and turned around, walking into his home.

Liam trailed after him, swallowing hard. "You look like you didn't sleep much." Maybe part of him was angling for both of them curling up on the sofa and snoozing together til noon.

Louis self-consciously touched his face. "Well, I spend half the night fruitlessly searching for Niall," he mumbled. He gestured for Liam to take a seat in the living room. "Do you want anything to drink?" He felt silly and awkward asking it, but he didn't know what else to do. He watched Liam sit down on the couch and he remembered what they'd done on that very couch. He blushed and looked away.

"Yes, please," Liam said, all manners. He folded his hands together, wanting to fold them around Louis' hips and pull him against him. "No news about Niall?"

Louis shook his head. "No," he said, worried lines marrying his face. “I'm just waiting to get the call to ask me to come identify the body." He caught himself making Liam's favorite tea, knowing exactly how he liked it.

"Zayn told me what happened... He probably just needs some time to himself. He'll be alright," he insisted.

Louis could only hope so. He brought the finished tea to the table. He took a seat in the couch across from Liam, trying hard not to let inappropriate images flash trough his mind. It was hard. "It's his fault. Why can't he just love Niall?" He sighed. "Or why can't Niall love Harry."

"Niall can't love Harry because he's in love with Zayn," Liam said reasonably. "Zayn.... Thank you," he took the tea from Louis. "I honestly... He's fast become my best friend and I'm not really clear on what's going on with him."

"Does he love Niall or not? Or..." A horrible thought suddenly occurred to Louis, "--don't tell me he's in love with you. That would just make this already messy situation more absurd."

"No!" Liam blurted, not even wanting to go there. "No, no... No. He's not, I promise. I can't tell whether he is madly in love with Niall, but too immature to face his family and deal with it," here, he gave Louis a look that read, 'I know, I know I was that boy a year ago', "or if he loves him as a brother and nothing more. I don't know if he knows, himself."

Louis gave Liam a bit of a skeptical look. He wouldn't blame Zayn if he ever fell for Liam, because, well, Liam was Liam. He wouldn't be very happy about it though. "Are you sure?" he asked with a raised brow. "I mean he's supposedly straight and yet he was sucking faces with you." There was accusation and a whole lot of jealousy in his voice.

Liam had the decency to blush. "We were... experimenting... he isn't sure... You know? He wasn't sure if it was all boys or just Niall'."

"He really seemed into it. So did you." Louis pursed his lips a bit. He'd wanted to be the only boy that could get Liam hot and bothered. "I guess I can't blame you. He's beautiful."

Liam couldn't say anything to that directly. If he said Zayn wasn't, that was clearly a lie. "He's nothing compared to you."

Louis hated the warmth in his chest and in his cheeks. He looked away. "Everything's a mess," he said with a sigh. "Harry indirectly told me that as long as I was friends with Niall, he was going to stay away from me."

Liam was definitely pleased with the thought of Harry being far away from Louis. But that wasn't the interesting part. "Is Niall worth that much to you?"

Louis sighed again. "Harry is, well...Harry. He needs me. I know he needs me even though he'd never admit it. But Niall needs me, as well. And...I'm kind of torn. I don't want to lose either of them."

Liam nodded. Part of him noted that Harry had millions of dollars to his name, different houses and more food than he could ever eat if he wanted to, while Niall was tipping into destitution. But he didn't need to bring that up. "Do you think Harry'll come to his senses?"

Louis bit down his lip. "Part of me thinks it's for the best," he admitted, "if he and Niall just stay away from each other." If Harry ever found out the source of Niall's income...Louis didn't even want to think of what would happen. If they stayed apart, the possibility of him ever finding out decreased.

Liam sighed. "I'm sorry, Lou..." he said softly. "I'm sorry things have gotten so rough for you..." He gently reached out and put his hand on Louis' back, feeling how perfectly his hand cradled Louis' shoulder blade.

Despite himself, Louis leaned into the touch, feeling pathetically weak for basking in Liam's comfort. "The worst thing is that no matter what happens, someone is going to end up hurt."

"It sounds like people already have." Pressing his luck, he stroked down and across, pulling Louis gently against him.

Louis simply couldn't resist, he let himself be pulled closer, gently resting his temple against Liam's shoulder. He could smell Liam and his heart began to pound in his ear. "Yeah..." he muttered softly, swallowing.

Liam turned his head, letting his nose sink into Louis' hair. He sat quietly like that, soaking it up before courageously pressing a kiss into Louis' scalp.

Louis took a slightly shaky breath and let his eyes fall shut. He'd missed Liam's touch so much. His hand moved up and curled into Liam's shirt.

Liam kissed down his forehead until he finally tipped Louis' chin up and softly kissed him on the lips.

Louis sighed into the kiss. Liam's lips. Liam's wonderful lips. They felt better than he remembered it and Louis allowed himself a moment of weakness. He pressed closer into the kiss, clutching Liam's shirt tighter.

Liam curled his arm around Louis' neck and held him close, gently pressing him back into the sofa. He deepened the kiss, gently parting his lips to reach the heat within. He was so careful with him, so fearful of startling him or pushing him too far.

Louis' heart was slamming against his ribcage like a sledgehammer. Louis was sure it'd break through. Liam's arms, his touch, his lips were sending happiness coursing through his every vein. He curled his thigh over Liam's hip, squeezing him close.

Liam groaned, putting his weight further onto the boy beneath him. He stroked a hand up his side and cradled his face, pulling back for a moment to look at him -- to make sure all of this was ok.

The second Liam pulled back, Louis seemed to break out of a trance. He stared up at Liam for a moment, breathing hard and then the next second he began pushing at Liam shoulders. He scrambled off the couch and got onto his feet, throwing his arms around himself. "You should probably leave," he said, unable to look at Liam.

Liam's heart was pounding, but he knew he couldn't do anything that might push Louis further away. "Alright," he said, rising slowly. He stood there stupidly for a second, torn and indecisive, until he moved out of the sofa’s sphere and took his coat. "Thank you for the tea..." he wandered toward the door. "Louis... When can I see you again?"

Louis was trying to calm himself down. "I'll contact you," he said, glancing at Liam.

Liam nodded. "Ok. I... I... you know how I feel.”

Louis swallowed. "Yeah...um..." He forced himself to walk Liam out of the door. "Thank you...y'know...for coming."

When he turned, Liam gave Louis that little smile -- the same smile he gave him when he left after a night of passionate lovemaking or just from watching a movie. It was a little smile that said 'I love you and I can't wait to see you again'. Then he turned around and left.

Louis had to use every little ounce of self-control and will power that he possessed not to pounce on Liam and drag him to his bed. He quickly closed the door, genuinely afraid that he might ask Liam to stay. He rested his forehead against the door and tried to remember how to breathe normally.

~*~

Niall woke, freezing and sore and feeling ancient. His body was contorted in a strange and uncomfortable way and he was surrounded by stone. Upon opening his eyes, he realized he had smashed himself into a narrow doorway next to a loading dock in a deserted alley.

His body was wracked with exhaustion and as soon as his nervous system came online, it was the shaking that unfolded his frame.

He didn’t remember how he got here. He remembered screaming at Zayn, although he couldn’t remember the words he’d used. He remembered running, but he couldn’t remember the direction. Mostly, he remembered black and lots of pain. It was much like when he’d drunk himself into oblivion, but on this occasion, it was his own psyche that had dosed him into stupor.

He rose to his feet shakily and staggered out of the alley. It took him a solid two minutes of staring at the streets and what he could see of the skyline to determine where he was, and even then, he could only deduce a general location. When he lucked into a bus stop on the 288 line, he knew how to at least get to what he hoped would be an empty apartment. The shambles of a home was thankfully deserted and he managed a shower and a fresh change of clothes before his mind lifted from his fugue. In an attempt to stave off the habitually self-destructive thoughts, Niall immediately grabbed for the only element in his life that he knew truly mattered: Amy. From there, he worked very hard to lift his spirits and find a happy face.

He was going to see his sister, determined to put on a good show for her.

Amy had needed rest. Niall sat by her bed until his head fell onto the mattress and he slept, too.

~*~

Zayn stopped by the hospital after school. There still was no news of Niall and he was feeling physically ill. He refused to believe that Niall would do anything extreme when his sister still needed him; when Zayn still needed him. He found himself skipping the two last classes, too restless and unfocused, heading to the hospital in a fragile hope that Niall would be there. He checked in and went to Amy's room. He was dead scared that he'd have to tell the girl that her only brother was missing and probably bleeding out in some ditch. However, when he opened the door, his whole body was flooded with relief. "Niall."

Niall was still fast asleep. He was slumped against his sleeping sister's bed, head pillowed on his folded wing and his other hand loosely curled into hers.

Zayn stood by the door for a few moments, just watching and taking in the scene with a soft smile. Niall was alright. He was alive. He walked up to Niall and softly carded his fingers through his hair.

Niall blinked slowly, sitting up and wiping his mouth from where he'd drooled on his sleeve. Then he looked up at Zayn and seemed to go stiff. "What're you doing here?"

Zayn backed away. He didn't want to upset Niall again. "I was just here to...visit Amy and see if you were here," Zayn said. "I'm sorry. I'll leave now."

"Zayn?" Amy had woken as well, her eyes opening and seeking the source of his voice. "Oh, Zayn -- how good to see you!"

Zayn turned to look at her and smiled. "Good to see you too, sweetheart," he said. He glanced briefly at Niall before walking to Amy's other side and kissing her forehead softly. "You look better."

She smiled at him. "Are you taking good care of my brother?"

Zayn looked away from her. He glanced at Niall. "...I'm doing my best," he said after a moment's hesitation.

"Do better," she smirked at him. "He doesn't look so good.” Niall rose at that. He stumbled out, muttering something about getting some water. After he left, Amy gave Zayn a pointed look through her sunken eyes.

Zayn sighed softly. He had a feeling that if he went after Niall, he might get punched again. "What did he tell you?" he asked.

"We haven’t spoken today. But it’s always the same old line: That everything’s going well at the zoo. That wedding plans are getting finalized."

Zayn felt guilty. "Did he talk to you about anyone else?"

With great tenderness, Amy lifted herself in the bed, mindful of the many tubes and needles that had become a part of her. “No, Zayn. When I woke up, he was dead asleep. It looked like he needed it more than I do.”

Zayn nodded silently. He dropped down on a chair, feeling pretty exhausted himself. "He doesn't want me in his life, Amy."

Amy’s expression was of such perpetual sadness and resignation, this dark news didn’t shift it. "Why not?"

He gently stroked her pale hand with his thumb. "He was just really mad when he said it. Don't worry. Everything will work out alright."

"Zayn... What happened...? Why are you not... Why are you not together?"

Zayn took her fragile, little hand in his and gave a delicate squeeze. "We're just going through a rough spot. It happens, but we'll get through it together," he said, sounding a lot more convinced than he felt. He smiled at her. "I will take care of him. Just trust me on that."

"I wish you were getting married. I wish you were, so much... Then I knew he would be cared for when I'm gone... Oh, I wish it was real," she said, her hand weak in his.

Zayn didn't know what he could say to that. He just softly stroked his knuckles against her white cheek. "Don't worry about him," he repeated. "He's got people who care a lot about him."

"Who? Tell me who cares about him."

"I've told you about them, haven't I? There's Louis and there's Harry," he said, leaving out the fact that apparently the latter was no longer in his life. "And I'm here for him as well."

Niall entered then, carrying three bottles of water. "Hey," he said warily. "You alright?" he asked Amy, trying to get a read on her. She smiled at him, struggling to lift her head. "Zayn was telling me about who all's coming to your wedding..."

"Oh?" Niall's eyes flickered to Zayn.

Zayn met Niall eyes briefly. "Yeah, she's squeezing all the details out of me," he smiled and patted Amy’s hand.

"Well... You should probably be getting back to school, huh, Zayn?"

Zayn got the message and rose to his feet. "Yeah, probably. See you soon, princess. "

Niall held the door open for him and didn't make eye contact.

Zayn stopped up in the door and turned to look at Niall. "You scared the living shit out of me last night,” he said quietly. "Call Louis back. He's dead worried. "

Niall's eyes flickered down to Zayn's split lip, then he looked away, indifferent. "Just go."

Zayn wanted to say so much more but putting all the thoughts in his head into words seemed impossible at the moment. So he just nodded and turned, walking away.

~*~

Louis came to school late and somewhat shaken. Harry saw him in the hallways in between classes and excused himself from the kids he'd been talking to. "Hey," he said, noting Louis’ rumpled hair and waxy complexion. "You don’t look so good.”

Louis slammed his locker shut. "Really? Curious: I just stayed up all night running around the entire city trying to find Niall, then picked up Zayn and went scavenging through the woods until 4 am... Then... Oh, god, then I let Liam kiss me... Nevermind. How are you?"

Harry raised a brow. "You let Liam--y'know, I don't even want to hear about that," he said, rolling his eyes. "Did you find him?" he asked nonchalantly in a way that made it look like he wasn't the slightest bit concerned.

"No," Louis wheezed, pained. "Fuck, I wasn't-- I wasn't going to come to school today. I called the cops. They said they saw him at the park, when he was fighting with Zayn, I guess, then he sprinted off.... You know he told Zayn that if he saw him again, he'd kill him? He couldn't... Man, you should've seen Zayn's face, lip busted open like a fruit..."

"Poor thing. That face was the only thing going for him," Harry said with mock concern. "He has a sister. He wouldn't do anything reckless," Harry said reasonably, sounding a lot more convinced than he actually felt. Niall was fucking mental.

"Harry... would you call him?" Louis asked softly. "Just... He might answer if you called. I mean... It sounds like he's given Zayn the boot, maybe he... I don't know... Maybe.... Just call him? Please?"

Harry looked away with a sigh. "I deleted his number," he lied. "He's not part of my life anymore."

"Harry... You fucking kidding me?" Louis reached his hand out. "Gimme your phone."

Harry looked down at Louis out-stretched hand for a few moments, considering. As long as he didn't have to talk to Niall, he was fine. He pulled out his phone and put it in Louis' palm, "Make it fast."

Louis rolled his eyes at him, but dialed anyway. He listened, eyes shut tight in hope and when the answer phone came on, he said, "Niall... please... PLEASE call me, let me know you're ok. I'll tell you about what happened with Liam -- it was good. Please... God, Niall, please." He hung up and handed Harry his phone. "I love that little guy," he told his friend. "I know... I know you and he-- but I really... I just love him, Harry."

"I can see that," Harry said steadily. He understood. Of course he understood what it was like to love Niall. For him, it was fucking painful and he couldn't bear to see Niall and know that all that would never be his. "I hope you find him."

"Do you seriously not care if he's dead?" Louis asked frustrated. "You have to tell me, Harry. Because... You're being so fucking cold about this, it's... frankly, it's scaring me."

"Of course I care," Harry said, going icy to fiery with animalistic precision. "I care more than I'm willing to care. If I could have my way, I would fucking erase him from my mind and go about my day without thinking of him every fucking two seconds. Do you even know how annoying that is?" Harry ran a hand through his curls. "God. I wish I never met him."

"You can talk to me about it, you know? You don't have to bottle everything up. I love you, too. You're-- I mean, you're my best friend."

"Am I, Louis?" Harry said with a wry smile. "You make me doubt where your loyalty really lies."

"What the fuck, Harry?" Louis stood up straight. "I don't know what that means. Tell me what that could possibly mean."

Harry shrugged and looked away with a bored expression. "I can't be friends with you if you're friends with Niall."

"Harry," Louis ran a hand over his face. He didn’t bother to keep his voice low, knowing that the passing chatter of students in the hall would mask their conversation. "Don't -- don't do that. Please. Just try to be mature about this, ok? Of course I'll try to keep you two apart and I'll be very transparent if one of you is over, I won't -- Harry, I don't even know if he's still alive! Why are you making me choose between then two of you when I'm not sure he hasn't thrown himself in front of a fucking subway car! Frankly, I kind of hate you right now! You're fucking cold, Harry! Couldn't you wait until I even find out he's ok to start pressuring me to choose between the two of you? Oh, Christ, I hope he's ok!" Louis leaned back against the wall and ran a hand through his hair. "I could really, really use Zayn's weed right now."

"I'm just trying to move on as fucking fast as possible and I would like the road to be smooth. Your friendship with him is a bump in that road, do you understand that, Louis? I'll make the choice easier for you. He needs you more than I need you."

"Are you seriously doing this to me right now?" Louis asked, feeling rather heaped upon. "You're a selfish dick, Harry. He could have killed himself and you're talking about streamlining your life. You couldn't just fucking help me out and support me until we at least know he's still alive? What -- Harry, what is wrong with you?"

"Stop being so dramatic, he hasn't killed himself; he's alive, I'm sure," Harry shrugged a bit, pushing away the slightest possibility that Niall might be hurt; he couldn't deal with that.

Louis stared in consternation. He took a moment to grind his teeth as he raked his eyes over his friend’s face, trying to determine the depth of his detachment. He was desperate to say anything to make Harry vulnerable, to rouse the part of him that was recognizably human. "I told him to, Harry.... I told him that he shouldn't see you. I told him... I told him to stop... with you. To tell you how he felt..." He was feeling guilt about that, now. "I shouldn't have meddled, I just didn't want you to get hurt, but it wasn't my place..."

Harry looked back at Louis, eyes narrowing a bit. "You're right. It was none of your freaking business." Harry had known though, had known for longer than he'd wanted to admit, but it hadn't stopped him from harboring stupid hope and useless feelings. "It doesn't matter anymore," he said, his voice stony and resolute.

Louis reached out and stroked down his arm. "Be my friend, Harry." The scary thing was, Louis wasn't certain Harry had any real friends outside of him -- there were hangers-on, sycophants, gold-diggers, and groupies, but no real friends.

Harry looked at Louis for a few moments. He leant down a little so they were on eye-level. "Are you back with Payne?" he asked, before he brushed his nose along Louis' temple. "Does that mean I can't fuck you anymore?"

"I'm not with him," Louis said, reaching up and taking hold of Harry's scarf. "He just -- I don't know what I was thinking. I was scared out of my mind and invited him over... Weakness. Harry. I'm all weakness."

Harry pulled back and curled his hand around the back of Louis' neck, tracing the vein with his thumb. "Don't forget what he did, Louis," he said. "How he left you. You were a semi-catatonic for weeks."

Louis shut down a little bit when Harry reminded him of that. God, how broken he had been. The agony was one he thought he would never come out of. He closed his eyes and sighed. "Do you want to go to mine? Just smoke some weed?"

Harry threw a glance at his watch. The class started in just a couple of minutes, but he wasn't going to focus on it anyways. He smiled crookedly at Louis and tilted his head towards the door. "Let's go before the bell rings. Mrs. Naylor has been trying to snag me all year."

"Snag or shag?" Louis teased. He flung an arm around Harry's waist as they stumbled from the school grounds.

~*~

Liam called Louis as he drove home from school.

Harry and Louis were lounging in the living room, sitting close on the couch as they passed a joint between them. Louis phone began to ring just as Harry was about to propose shot-gunning. "Who is it?"

Louis looked at his screen and saw Liam’s name flashing. He swallowed. “It’s Liam,“ he said. “What do I do?”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Don’t take it.” He attempted to take the phone out of Louis hand but Louis held it out of reach. “No. I should probably take it. There could be news from Niall.” Louis got to his feet and walked into the kitchen. He took a deep breath and put the phone to his ear. “What is it?”

"Hey, sweetie," Liam said, despite the less-than-warm greeting he got from his love. "I know you wanted to contact me first, but I thought I should call you -- Zayn ran into Niall."

Louis grabbed the counter, an audible breath of relief escaping him. A part of him had been convinced that Niall was no longer among the living. "Was he alright? Where is he?"

"We don't know. Zayn ran into him at the hospital and he looked bad, but he was alive."

Louis looked up to look at Harry who was standing in the door and watching him with a rather apprehensive expression. Louis gave him a smile and mimed that Niall was alive; he caught the flash of relief in Harry's eyes. "When was that? Is he still there?" Louis needed to see Niall for himself before he could calm down.

"Probably two or three hours ago. I don't know how much luck you're going to have."

"Three hours ago?" Louis exclaimed incredulously and extremely annoyed. "Why the fuck didn't Zayn call me or at least text me the second he saw Niall? I was going out of my mind with worry!"

"I don't-- I don't know, sweetie. I called you as soon as I knew..."

Louis huffed. He was going to smack Zayn the next time he saw him. "Ok. Thank you, Liam."

"Is there anything... I can do for you?" he asked, trying not to sound solicitous, but really, really wanting to do something for his love.

Louis bit the inside of his cheek and caught eyes with Harry who was giving him a raised brow. "No. I'm fine. See you around.” Louis hung up before he could say more.

~*~

Niall was on shaky feet as he wobbled through Styles’ mansion service entrance and out into the back lane. The sex had actually helped somewhat; the pain and pleasure cleared his mind, even if it didn't give him any direction. The lane was broad and paved with smooth gray cobblestone. It was hedged by the adjacent house and guarded with a wrought iron gate.

Harry was drunk and muffling a laugh into the shoulder of the much older guy he was sneaking through the back entrance. Harry had chosen him for his lean form and strong arms; he needed someone to fuck all the pain and misery right out of him. He had left the house with the intention of bottoming for someone who wasn’t Niall. He figured he owed himself such sexual experimentation.

Niall heard the giggling, and when he looked up he saw Harry -- gorgeous and disheveled, rubbing lewdly against a man that was thirty if he was a day. Suddenly, Niall's entire figure transformed. He stood up a little straighter and his eyes became sharper. "Hey," he said, somewhat stiffly.

Harry looked up with hazy, bloodshot eyes and, at the sight of Niall, he seemed to sober up a bit. "What are you doing here?" he asked, unprepared.

"Your dad needed some... work done." Niall stumbled, but then he was a straight arrow again. "Who's that?" he nodded at the older guy.

The guy put a possessive hand on Harry's hip and Harry blinked up at him for a moment, feeling a bit disorientated and unable to even remember the guy's name. "This is Anthony," he said hen he remembered and put a hand on Anthony's chest. Anthony just gave Niall a curt nod, obviously impatient to get Harry under him.

Niall stood his ground like a colossus. "Get rid of him," he said, his voice heavy and authoritative.

Despite himself, Harry felt a slight shiver of arousal go through him. He stared at Niall for a few moments and he hated how pretty he was. Anthony let out an offended sound. "Shall we go upstairs, already?" he said impatiently as he grabbed Harry around the waist and attempted to get past Niall.

Niall shoved Anthony hard in the chest. "Get lost," he said, darkly. He had the look of someone at the end of his rope who wouldn't mind – no, who would enjoy -- a good, old-fashioned fist fight. "Just turn around and walk away. You get me?"

Anthony face twisted up in a sneer. "Who the fuck do you think you are, you little shit?" he growled and Harry saw him lift his hand as if to shove Niall back. "Stop," he said and grabbed Anthony's arm. The movement was enough to make him stagger drunkenly on his feet. "Niall. Get out of the way," Harry said.

"No," Niall said, simply, gently pushing Harry out of the circle of conflict and advancing on the intruder. "He's mine and if you don't fuck off, I will smear you from here to the next block!"

Harry blinked rapidly, his drunken mind trying to process the implication of Niall’s claim and dear God, did it make his blood flow faster. Anthony looked like he was ready to throw a punch, but before he could, Harry darted in between them and looked Anthony in the eye as directly as he could. "I think you should go," he said steadily. Anthony’s face twisted into something angry and offended, but Harry had not expected the man to grab him around the arm and pull him to his chest. "You're telling me to get lost after you promised me a good fuck?" he sneered.

Niall couldn't stand it. He launched himself at the guy and grabbed him around the neck, taking control of his head. If it hadn't been such a surprise attack, Niall was easily outweighed, but he managed to wrestle the guy to the end of the driveway much like a rodeo clown might wrestle an angry bull. It was messy and ugly and after Niall shoved him to the far side of the cast iron gate, he immediately prepared himself for an attack.

Anthony was convinced that Niall was an escaped lunatic and not even Harry's pretty face was worth this much trouble. He threw some foul words at Niall and stalked away angrily. Harry was standing by the entrance, stunned and just the slightest bit amused. "Wow," he said. "That was something else."

Niall looked at him a moment before marching back over to him. "Why did you do that? Why did you bring him here?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Because I felt like it," he said and crossed his arms. "What, do I have to have your permission now?"

Niall reached out and knocked Harry's arms down from where he crossed them. He hated Harry barring him and blocking him out; it was unbearable. "Don't. Don't do that, don't bring other men here."

Harry narrowed his eyes and got up in Niall's face, tilting his own. "Because I'm yours?" he asked with a raised brow before chuckling, mind a bit bleary. "I can do whatever the fuck I want, love."

Niall sunk his fingers into Harry's hair and gripped hard, kissing him fiercely and backing him up into a wall. "Yes," he snarled against Harry's lips. "Because you're mine."

Harry gasped into the kiss. He gripped Niall's shoulders hard and attempted to push him a bit back. "I'm yours, but you aren't mine," he said incredulously, panting slightly. "Is that how this works?"

"I need you, Harry," Niall said, pushing against him, working a thigh between his legs and planting fierce kisses down his neck. "I'll take care of you -- let me take care of you..."

Harry groaned, throwing his head back and offering his neck to Niall's sweet mouth. His mind was screaming no, but his body was sending entirely other signals as he found himself rubbing lewdly against Niall's thigh, blood rushing south. "Fuck you," he snarled, pushing at Niall's shoulder. "You ruined everything for me. I was fine before I met you."

"No, you weren't, you were cold and scared," Niall panted as he kissed and nibbled on his ear. "I'll take care of you, Harry, I'll take such good care of you..." He undid Harry's belt and pushed his hand into his pants, reaching around back to prod at his hole. That Harry was loose and lubed told the story of Harry’s slutty evening plans. "No..." he said softly into Harry's mouth as he pushed inside him with his middle finger. "Just me... No one but me."

Harry yelped sharply and clutched close to Niall, wrapping one, long leg around Niall's waist. He buried his face in Niall's neck and pushed back against the finger inside of him. "Niall," he gasped softly and kissed him deeply. "I fucking hate you."

Niall kissed him back, owning his mouth and curling his finger in Harry's tight channel. "Mine, Harry..." he insisted as he worked Harry's jeans over his hips. He turned him to face the wall as he opened his own pants and he took Harry firmly in his arms as he pushed his cock up inside him in one full, deep stroke.

Harry's hand scrambled against the smooth red brick of his home, body arching and a lewd gasp escaping his mouth at the penetration. Niall's cock: Dear God, he'd missed Niall's cock so much. His whole body was trembling with a mix of pleasure and pain. He grabbed Niall's arm, whimpering helplessly.

Niall purred into his neck as he started thrusting. Harry's body was incredible, slinky as a cat and he stroked his tummy as he pushed hard inside him, as if to punish him for thinking of letting another man have him. When Harry's head fell back against his shoulder, he kissed his lips over and over, repeating, "My baby.. you're my baby..."

The feeling of Niall holding him close, filling him up just the right way and his words were so intense, Harry was for a moment afraid he wouldn't be able to breathe properly. His heart was punching against his chest, he was sure it'd wake the neighborhood. The thrill of being fucked right here where someone might walk by made Harry feel dizzy. He was drunk on lust and love and when Niall's cock hit him just right, he blabbered, "Ah! Right there, so good--" He reached around and clutched Niall's hair. "--I love you."

That made Niall groan in a pained, strangled moan. It hit him in the gut to the point where his legs gave out a little and he brought Harry down with him to the ground, the other boy in his lap. He felt like he couldn't breathe -- 'I love you'. He never thought he'd hear that, not like this. He crushed Harry in his arms and started rolling his hips slowly, feeling his eyes sting inexplicably. "Harry..." he sang softly. "Oh, Harry..."

If Harry hadn't consumed more alcohol than what was good, maybe he'd realized what he'd just blurted, but right then as he was sitting in Niall's lap, the new angle allowing Niall's cock to lodge deeply inside of him, he couldn't think straight. He began moving back against Niall's thrust, desperate to come, his cock throbbing pitifully.

Niall reached down and took hold of Harry's cock, working to find the angle to hit his prostate. He had to lean Harry forward slightly and there it was, Harry’s button slicking against his cock. "There it is, baby," he cooed, kissing Harry's shoulder blades and spine. "Oh, sweetheart, gonna come--!"

Harry came first. His orgasm hit him blindingly hard and he cried out lewdly, his hole clamping down tightly around Niall as he made a mess of his shirt and the brick wall.

Niall pressed his forehead hard into Harry's back and came as well, pumping deeply into his tight channel, making him wet. He clutched Harry tight against him as he caught his breath, his arms a deadlock.

Harry fell heavily against Niall, wrecked and out of breath. It took him several long moments to come back down from his high and once he did, waves of exhaustion washed over him and his eyelids began to flutter sleepily.

"Stay with me, Harry," Niall said softly. "We have to get you inside." He carefully lifted the boy from his lap, ignoring the need for cleanup, and helped Harry get his clothing back on. Then, on shaky feet, he rose and pulled Harry with him, stroking his messy curls from his face. "You alright?" he asked, suddenly a bit shyer.

Harry stumbled on his feet, trying to fight off the exhaustion. When Niall stroked his curls, he turned and blinked at him, humming softly in reply. "Bed," was all he said as he tried to make it up the stairs without tripping and cracking his head.

Niall watched him go. He didn't know what this meant, how it would change things between them. He didn't want this to be a drunken one-off. "Harry--" he called softly before the boy disappeared inside the house. "Harry, you're..." he stopped himself. When he redirected, he barely more than whispered, "I'm yours, too..."

Harry turned his head to look at Niall. "What?" he asked. "What did you say?"

"I said..." This took more courage than Niall knew he had. "I said 'I'm yours, too'..."

Harry's heart that had just calmed down went on a rampage. He stared at Niall, trying to figure out if this was a cruel joke or maybe if he'd just heard what he wanted to hear so badly, but all he saw on Niall's face was open sincerity. Harry smiled at Niall then, a very rare smile especially outside intercourse, and held out a hand. "Stay with me tonight," he requested.

"What about your dad?" Niall asked, but reached for Harry's hand anyway.

Harry took Niall's hand and he thought that they just fit right, which made him feel like a fucking fool. He pulled Niall along, flashing him a mischievous smile. "He'll never know."

"If you're sure," Niall said softly, smiling. He kissed Harry's shoulder as he led them stealthily down the hall to his room. As Harry undressed, Niall went into the bathroom and made him a warm washcloth, with which he returned and gently cleaned Harry's bum.

"A mess. That what you've made of me," Harry said with a soft sigh, nuzzling the pillow. Once Niall was done cleaning them up as best as he could, Harry cuddled into him the minute he laid down, his heart light and filled to the brink with something he wasn't sure of; or something he didn't want to think too much about.

Niall watched his face. He'd never seen Harry look this way before. To him, Harry always looked like a dignified, mature playboy, but now he looked like who he actually was -- an eighteen year-old boy who was a little insecure and didn't have much direction in life. He was beautiful. Niall stroked his fingertips over Harry's cheek and whispered softly, "Goodnight," before kissing him between his eyebrows.

Harry smiled softly and wrapped a hand around Niall's waist, holding him tight as if he subconsciously was afraid that this had all been a dream and he'd wake up to a cold, empty bed. He wasn't going to let Niall go now that he had him and he was a scared that these feelings were making him act a bit crazy, a bit unlike him, throwing him off balance… but when he looked at Niall it all seemed worth it. He sighed tiredly. "God, I'm a fool," he muttered softly, eyes slipping shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who saw that one coming?? Don't worry -- plenty more drama to come 


	20. Chapter 20

Niall woke, plastered up against Harry's back. He took a deep breath and stretched, extending his arms out past the boy between them and pressing hard down through his toes. He moved slowly, lifting himself onto his elbows so he could see Harry's face. He looked like an angel. He blew softly on his cheek, making his curls float gently.

Harry stirred at the tickle of soft air wafting against his cheek. His eyes fluttered open slowly and he felt the body behind him. He shifted and turned his head, blinking up at Niall. He groaned a bit and closed his eyes, stuffing his face into his pillow. "Morning," he muttered, "You look like a beautiful mistake."

"How are you feeling?" Niall whispered. "You hungover?" He couldn't judge how drunk Harry was last night, nor how gross he would be feeling this morning.

"Everywhere hurts," Harry muttered and grimaced at the sour taste in his mouth and the dull ache from his behind. He blinked up at the clock, seeing it was midmorning and groaned. "I have classes today."

Niall kissed his cheek, then rolled out of the bed and went to the bathroom. He came back with a glass of cold water. "Drink this. You planning on going? To class?"

Harry eyed Niall's naked body shamelessly as he took the offered glass of water and washed out the taste in his mouth. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I actually plan to graduate with excellent grades."

Niall's eyebrow went up. "Is that a dig? After I got you a refreshing glass of water?"

Harry rolled his eyes and smirked. "I can barely walk properly," he said, a bit afraid to get to his feet. "Let's call it even." He pulled Niall close by his arms and looked up at him, "And you should go to school as well."

"There's no point," Niall said gently, but sincerely.

Harry reached out and stroked Niall's cheek, getting a bit lost in the blue of his eyes. "There's always a point," he said. "You'll just never find it if you don't try. I believe you've got potential and I'm always right."

Niall smirked. "You're right I should probably go. Zayn isn't the most... social of guys and I'm sure he's letting some of our business connections languish. I need to make some sales."

Harry made a bit of a grimace. "That wasn't what I meant, but I guess it's a start." He threw the covers aside and staggered to his feet, not as graceful as he would have liked.

Niall watched him, regretting that they weren't able to luxuriate in bed decadently. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Depends on which way you mean," Harry said lightly and stretched himself out, before walking towards the bathroom, half-limping. "I'm going to shower. Feel free to join me."

Niall got up from the bed and trailed after him. "Harry, talk to me..." If they were going to make a go of this, Niall wasn't going to put up with Harry freezing him out.

Harry didn't answer and went about adjusting the water so the shower was the desired temperature before slipping under the torrent.

"Harry," Niall stood in the doorway of the shower, not letting him close the glass. "Talk to me."

Harry blinked at Niall. "About what?" He asked as if he really had no idea and reached for his shampoo, massaging it into his hair and scalp.

Niall sighed. "Don't pretend you're stupid, Harry... If we're going to do this, I need you to trust me enough to talk to me..." There were two shower heads in Harry’s decadent stall, and Niall situated himself across from the cypher he’d forcibly reintroduced into his life.

Harry washed the shampoo out of his hair. "See that's thing, Niall," he said. "I don't trust you."

Niall came forward and took hold of Harry's hips, stroking them gently. "Do you... Do you want to make a go of this?"

Harry felt foolishly weak with Niall so close. He looked at him for a few moments, "Do you?"

Niall knew it was stupid. But he knew that Harry... well, cared for him, and Zayn didn't. Zayn didn't and never would. And Harry's affection felt so good. Like it was the only thing that kept him from flying off the face of the earth. "Yes," he said softly, honestly.

Harry felt his heart swell in his chest and there was nothing more tempting than just falling into Niall's arms and showing him how much Harry could offer him, but he held himself back. He smiled crookedly and cupped Niall's face between his hands and looked him in the eye. "If Zayn was to come here, right now and declare his love for you, you would give yourself to him in a heartbeat." He had to remind himself, no matter how much it pained him, that he wasn't the one Niall was in love with.

"No," Niall said, firmly. "First off, Zayn wouldn't do that, because he doesn't. Secondly..." he dropped his head a little bit. "He.. His family -- they hate me. And I've come to suspect they've always hated me, looked down on me. And I know, I just know some of that is in Zayn. He pretends it isn't, but it is. It's... It's hard for me to look at him." He watched their feet as the water pattered down on them. He knew that his relationship with Harry wouldn't last -- it couldn't possibly under the circumstances. But right now he just needed something to get him through the day, to give him the will to keep fighting until Amy either healed or, god forbid, died.

Harry looked at Niall's bowed head for several seconds, before he let out a deep sigh. He grabbed Niall's face and tilted it towards his. "We both know that this is only going to end up crashing and burning." Harry gave him a tilted smile and kissed Niall's nose, "But I guess I'm drawn to the crazies." He sighed and kissed Niall's lips. "And I can't resist you even if I wanted to. You know that, don't you?" He took a deep breath. "I think I'd prefer it if it ended burning out rather than fading away."

Niall could guarantee that, but he wasn't going to mention it, now. He just sighed and hugged Harry against him, naked and wet. "You have a gloomy outlook on relationships, Harry," he scoffed softly.

Harry scoffed as well and nuzzled Niall's cheek, kissing him softly there. "Blame my parents," he muttered. He softly stroked down Niall's back, catching water-drops with his thumb. "That means you have to come with me to the dance tonight. And possibly get torn apart by my 'fans.'"

"The dance? What dance?" Niall pulled back to look at him.

"The Winter Ball at school, remember?" Harry said with a raised brow. "I've asked you before that night at your place." That evening hadn't ended very well.

"Oh... Oh, yeah, I... You aren't going with Louis?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I was, but he can easily find a last minute date," he said. "Come with me."

"Alright..." He realized he would probably have to talk with Louis before Harry did. It occurred to him to try to lie his way out of it with his friend, but he didn't think he could outsmart Mr. Business Minded. "Let me... I'll give Louis a call... Make sure he's squared away."

Harry smirked a bit. "You most definitely should. He's worried." He stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel. "Let's go, love. I'll drop you off at your school."

Niall nodded, basking in the warmth of Harry calling him 'love'. "Alright... love."

Harry turned away to hide the smile on his face. They got dressed and headed out, grabbing steaming cups of coffee and pastries on the way. Harry pulled up in front of Niall's school and killed the engine. There were no kids traipsing around which meant that they've arrive in the middle of a class. "Aw, I had looked forward to kissing you in front of everyone," he said with a slight pout.

That made Niall laugh warmly. "Why?"

"So I can make sure everyone knows that you're mine," Harry said, loving the way those last two words rolled off his tongue. He could get used to saying them.

Niall smiled at him. He wouldn't mind that either, frankly. Harry was a steal. "We'll have plenty more opportunities," he said softly, taking hold of Harry's jumper and pulling him in for a soft, lingering kiss. "Or," he said against his lips, "We could just make out until the bell rings, then everyone'll get a look."

Harry smirked into the kiss, curling a hand behind Niall's neck and pulling him in deeper. "When does it ring?" he asked once they parted for breath.

"Fifteen minutes," he replied, pulling Harry's leg over his thigh and going in for another kiss.

He could work with that. He pressed closer into Niall's body, slotting their lips together and licking into his mouth, tasting the cinnamon latte he'd had just a few minutes ago. He sunk his fingers into Niall's hair and tilted his face to deepen the kiss further.

Niall sighed. He could definitely lose himself in the sensual beauty that was Harry Styles. The arousal did so much to quell the guilt, pain, fear, self-loathing, and feelings of utter helplessness. He rolled his hips leisurely into the other' boy's, fondling his bum, but careful to not make any promises he couldn't keep in terms of getting him sexually frustrated.

Harry groaned and pulled back to plant kisses along Niall's jaw; sweet, small kisses down his throat before he bit down harshly at the juncture of his neck and shoulder with the purpose of leaving a mark. He sucked on the abused skin, soothing it with his tongue. "Mine," he said with a soft growl, pushing his hips into Niall's. "One of these days, you're going to let me fuck you nice and slow," he purred against his neck.

Niall winced at the bite -- it was painful, but it made his cock jump. "Oh, yeah?" he asked, nuzzling Harry's curls. "Your sweet little hole won't be lonely for my cock?"

Harry's hole already felt empty. "I want to spread you out on my bed, or a couch, or a table and just have you in every which way I want," he said huskily. "You'd never want to top again."

That made Niall smile mischievously. "You'd never want me to want to top again?"

Harry smirked and sucked Niall's lip into his mouth. "I don't think I can live without your cock up my ass," he said, grinning. "But I'd really love to have you under me."

Niall cradled his face, stroking his chin over his cheek. "Yeah... I think I'd like that, too..." He tipped Harry back a bit against the door so he could crawl more firmly on top of him. Making out with Harry did make time seem to fly and he nearly leapt a mile when he heard the bell.

Harry tilted his face and looked out of the window, smirking. There'd be approximately two minutes before the kids streamed out for lunch break.

Niall watched him. "You're an exhibitionist," he accused fondly.

"I have no shame," Harry said with a grin and leaned back in, taking Niall's lips in his own, kissing him patiently and getting more turned on than he meant to.

Niall was getting pretty horny, too. And when he heard the swarm of students start to pour out, he couldn't be distracted.

Harry grinded against Niall, desperate to find some kind of friction for the slowly rising bulge in his pants. They were so caught up in each other that they barely noticed when the kids began to notice them.

Liam was exiting the school with Zayn at that moment. He saw Harry's incredibly expensive car first and stopped dead in his tracks. "Well, that's --"

Zayn, who'd been busy with one earphone plugged in and scrolling through his phone to find the perfect song, stopped up as well when Liam did. "What's up?" he asked, looking up at Liam and then followed his line of vision. He froze when he saw Niall and Harry shamelessly making out for everyone to see. He could hear a few girls squeal and more than a few boys come with homophobic slurs.

"I knew that kid took it in the ass! Fucking fag!" One near Zayn spat, making his group of friends snicker.

"Um..." Liam looked at Zayn for how to respond.

Zayn slowly turned to look at the guy, eyes dangerously dark. "Shut the fuck up," he sneered, automatically defending Niall even though he felt incredibly irritated with him at the moment.

The guy gave him a startled look. "Why? He's fucking disgusting! Look at him!" he said and gestured to Harry and Niall who still didn't seem to notice the negative attention they were drawing.

"I said, shut your fucking mouth," Zayn repeated, simmering.

The guy squared his shoulders, obviously showing off to his friends. "Why?" he said with a taunting smirk. "You're one too, aren't you? Bet you used to give it to each other in the ass!"

Before Zayn even knew he'd moved, he lunged at the guy, smashing him to the concrete.

The sound of a scuffle slowly brought Niall out of his lust-induced haze. He pulled away from Harry's intoxicating lips and looked up and saw Zayn and Liam, right in the thick of it. The two of them were scuffling with about six guys and two of them were managing to drag Zayn to the ground. Without even thinking, without pausing to consider his actions, he barked, "C'mon, Harry!" and launched from the car, all fists and fury, flinging himself into the fray. He ripped one of the guys off of Zayn, slamming him into the wall and getting a nice fist in the face for his efforts.

Harry was shocked and it took him several moments to jump out of the car and push through the crowd that had gathered around the fight just in time to see Zayn punch the guy he'd been wrestling on the ground in the face, the crunch of his nose breaking making Harry and the whole crowd wince. Zayn didn't even flinch, he got to his feet and grabbed the one who had Niall in a headlock, slamming to the floor and kicking him hard in the kidney. The next second, teachers arrived to the scene.

"What is going on here!?" The teachers screamed and struggled to separate the boys. "The principal’s office! All of you!"

Niall had taken a remarkable smashing, but managed to get to his feet. He sought Harry in the crowd and gave him an enormous, bloody smile. "Bye, baby!" he waved as he was getting carted off with the rest of the pugilists. "I promise I'll be pretty again by tonight!" He wouldn't be -- he was going to have bruises and, by the look of it, one ugly, split lip.

Harry stood back with open mouth, obviously not used to something like this; the rich kids didn't fight like this, it was all behind the scenes. He could do nothing but watch as Niall was led away with the others.

Zayn tasted blood in his mouth and he could feel a bruise forming pretty much everywhere but the adrenaline that still coursed through his veins overshadowed any pain. He looked over at Niall. "You alright?" he asked and the next second one of the assholes was coughing 'fags' under his breath. It took every ounce of self-control Zayn had not to attack him, he had to settle for shooting him a look that promised slow death.

Niall was different. Niall had nothing to lose. He turned back and popped the kid in the mouth, which immediately had the teachers flailing to separate them.

Liam, for his part, had never really been in a fight before, but he had to confess, it felt kind of amazing. He wanted to tell Louis all about it. "Is he insane?" he leaned over and asked Zayn after one of the male teachers got Niall by the scruff and made him march in front of everyone.

Zayn sighed. "Yes, he is," he said with a shrug. They all got dragged into the principle office where they were met with an admonishing and disappointed look from their principal.

Niall sat merrily in his seat, incorrigible and ruthless. Liam, for his part, tried to look sheepish and contrite, but it was hard when the assholes mouthed off their bigoted rhetoric.

Zayn just sat and looked bored, barely listening as he knew his parents were going to be called and he was screwed either way. He found pleasure in hearing the guy whose nose he'd broken talking and smirked at him with no regrets. They were finally let off with a week’s worth of detention.

As they filtered back out into the halls, Niall smirked, "Yeah, right..." He wasn't planning on doing any goddamned detention.

"What the hell were you doing?" Liam snapped was soon as they were in the hall. "Were you trying to incite a riot?"

Niall turned on him and, for a moment, Liam was a bit scared. "No, I was trying to kiss my boyfriend goodbye, asshole!"

Zayn turned to look at Niall sharply, mouth falling open to comment on that but he immediately shut it tight, jaw clenching. He didn't know what had happened between Harry and Niall, since last he checked Harry had shoved Niall out of his life, but he didn't want to know either, he realized. "Do you want to skip the rest of school?" he asked Liam hopefully. He was going to get in trouble anyway, so he might as well make the best of it.

"I - I can't," Liam said. He couldn't help it -- goodness was knit into his bones. He wanted good grades and his parents' respect.

Niall snorted and shook his head. "Goody two-shoes."

Zayn nodded understandingly and reminded himself that he didn't want to be a bad influence on Liam. "Alright. I'll see you later," he said and gave Liam a quick hug, before turning on his heels and heading in the opposite direction.

Niall watched Zayn disappearing down the hall. For a moment there, it felt like old times -- really good old times. He looked between Zayn and Liam and, swallowing his pride, trailed after his old best friend. "Zayn..."

Zayn didn't turn around as he slipped out through the door. "Don't forget that you hate me," he said as he pulled out his cigarettes and lit one.

Niall huffed. "Just tell me what happened. I didn't see anything." He had no idea how the fight started. He just saw two guys about to wail on Zayn and his instinct kicked in.

Zayn took a deep drag of the cigarette and blew it out. "They were being homophobic assholes and throwing around nasty slurs. Made me angry."

Niall went kind of quiet. Then he said, awkwardly, "You didn't have to do that..." But he felt like an idiot, because of course Zayn wasn't doing it for him, he was probably doing it for Liam, because he sure as hell wasn't doing it for himself.

Zayn stopped up and slowly turned to look at Niall. "Yeah, I wouldn't have to do that if you weren't sucking face with Harry Styles in front of the whole fucking school," he said a snap to his voice and sounding more irritated than he'd intended to.

"Like you haven't done that with a hundred girls a hundred times!" Niall accused.

"That's different and you know why," Zayn said, jaw clenching.

"Yeah!" Niall said casually. "Because people aren't fucking bigots about who you want to kiss!"

"And that's my fault how?" Zayn said, irritated.

"It's not different!" Niall snapped at him. "It's not fucking different, Zayn, that's the point I'm trying to make!"

"It is when this school is filled with narrow-minded assholes!" Zayn took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. He was getting angry for a whole other reason that he wasn't willing to admit. He shook his head. "Just..whatever."

"Yeah. Whatever," Niall said. He forced himself to stand there and watch Zayn turn from him and walk away. He needed to -- he needed to remind himself again and again that Zayn didn't want him, didn't love him, and that Harry did. Because that was the only possible future, even if only for a little while.

Zayn had taken a few steps before he turned and he couldn't stop himself from asking, "Are you really in an actual relationship with Styles?"

Niall almost jumped out of his skin. "Yes. Last night, he told me he loved me." He wasn't going to add that it was when he was 30 seconds away from coming.

Zayn didn't know what to think. He wasn't going to point out the obvious flaw in that relationship. "Good luck with that," he said before he could stop himself.

Niall heard the sarcasm in it and it stung him. Everything Zayn did seemed like a slight, a dig. "Go fuck yourself," he snarled, shaking his head and walking away.

Zayn immediately felt guilty, but he didn't go after Niall, just watched him go. He swallowed and turned on his heels, going the opposite direction.

Niall had to go home. His face was a wreck and there was no chance he was sitting through class with a pounding headache. In fact, he went to Louis'. The last thing he could stomach would be running into his mother if she came back.

Louis had to go home at lunch to pick up some books for his next classes. Harry had gone out to each lunch with a few classmates and had looked suspiciously happy all morning. When Louis asked him why, all he got was an indecipherable smirk.

Niall was asleep on his couch, an ice bag on his face. He didn't move when Louis came in

Louis didn't notice him until he entered the living room to grab the Physics book he'd left on the table. He startled a bit at first but when he saw who it was, he let out a squeal.

"Niall!"

Niall blinked awake. "Louis?" he asked, his headache throbbing.

"Oh my God! Niall!" Louis kneeled down next to him and looked at his bruised face with wide eyes. "Jesus! What happened?" He asked worried, but also ecstatic to see Niall.

"I got beat up for making out with Harry in front of the school," Niall said softly, smiling at the beautiful boy in front of him. "I'm sorry, Louis... I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls... I was having... a really, really hard time.”

Louis blinked. "What? Making out with Harry? But last I knew...is that why he had that smile on his face all morning? What happened?" Louis’ least favorite thing was to feel out of the loop. "Wait, is your head hurting? Do you want me to get you some painkillers?"

"Yes please," Niall said gently. When Louis came back, he dutifully took his pills, then reached for his friend. "Cuddle me, I'll tell you everything." There was a sanctuary in Louis' arms and Niall just started crying. He cried for a good five minutes before the throbbing in his head made him stop. "Sorry," he snorted bloody mucus. "Sorry... It's been a rough few days."

Louis just held him tight and stroked his fingers through Niall's hair. "It's alright, just let it all out," he said gently and kissed the top of Niall's head. "I'm just happy you're alright. I've had to pull out a few gray hairs because of you."

"'m sorry," Niall sniffled. "I love you -- y'know that? I mean, I really do. You're... You're the only person in the world I'm not terribly confused about." That made him laugh. "I love you, it's pretty straightforward."

Louis grinned. "I love you too, baby," he said and kissed him between his brows. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

Niall nodded with a soft mew. He told Louis everything -- the blindfolded sex he'd had with Harry (yes, he'd recorded it, no, Louis couldn't see it), the subsequent conversation, the spiraling depression, the thoughts of suicide, the nasty altercation with Zayn in the park, visiting his sister, planning a contingency for her if he killed himself, then that chance meeting with Harry and how he snapped. Not only that he snapped, but what he did when he snapped. He loved watching Louis' face when he told him how he'd fucked Harry up against the wall. "He told me he loved me. I don't think he knew he said it, but those words came out of his mouth."

Louis was stunned. He'd never thought so many things could happen in such short span of time. "Holy shit," is all he could say. He stared at Niall. "Are you sure he said those exact words? Maybe it was something else?"

"No, it was 'I love you'. He was pretty drunk, though... He said some of his normal stuff, later. That he hated me, wish he'd never met me, that sort of stuff. Which I think means 'I love you' from him."

"Oh, wow, Harry Styles is actually in love," Louis said, because even though he'd known it all along, he'd carried a few seeds of doubt. "And in unrequited love nonetheless." Louis sighed and gave Niall a small squeeze, "Do you think you can fall in love with him?" It was a silly question to him--who couldn't fall in love with the Harry Styles?--but one needed to be asked.

"Um... We're... I think we're together, now. Officially," Niall said, feeling sheepish.

Louis stared at Niall. "What? Seriously? You and Harry are together, together? Like exclusive? In a committed relationship?" Louis couldn't help it, he couldn't imagine Harry being in a relationship, but then again, he'd never thought he'd see Harry in love so maybe it wasn't that much of a surprise.

"I -- yeah," Niall said, pretty much in awe, himself. "Yes. I think so. At least, sort of. We're -- Oh, I guess I should tell you, you have to find another date to the Winter Ball. Sorry."

Louis pouted a bit. "Why do I have a feeling that I'm doomed to be the third wheel from now on?"

"You're not!" Niall squeezed him, kissing him right on the mouth. "We both love the shit out of you. Seriously, Lou. But I did totally steal your date."

Louis grinned. "Holy shit. You didn't just steal my date, you stole Harry Style's heart! His groupies at school are going to tear you apart!"

"I can take 'em," Niall smirked. "Besides, how hard are snooty rich kids going to go after a tough with a fucked up-eye and bloody knuckles?"

Louis laughed. "The thing is Niall, rich kids are ruthless. You'll see for yourself.” He flicked Niall's nose playfully. "And look..." he got a more serious expression, "you are with him because you think you can love him, right? Not as a temporary distraction? Because, baby, that would be cruel."

Niall took a deep breath. "I feel... I... I'm really... I'm really into him. I like him. I want to see if we can like each other out of bed as much as in it." So far, they'd had an almost purely sexual relationship. "I don't know if it can last, but... I want to concentrate on him, now."

Louis sighed softly. He'd have to take a step back, he told himself; for now at least. "How is it going with Zayn?"

"Shitty. He's a fuckhead," Niall said, petulantly.

Louis smiled softly. "He was very worried about you. He really does care a lot about you regardless if he loves you like that or not."

"Doesn't matter. His family hates me and I think the seeds for him to hate me have been in him all along. They're just... flowering, now."

"That doesn't make sense," Louis said with a soft smile. "He's an asshole to me and I don't like him around Liam, but I don't think he hates you. Haven't you been best friends, forever?"

"He thought his best friend was straight," Niall said. But he didn't want to talk about this. "Who are you going to the dance with?"

"I don't know. All on my own, I guess," he said with a dramatic sigh. "I can't be arsed to find a last minute date."

"Liam won't be there, will he? Since he doesn't go to school there anymore?"

Louis' face changed at the mentioning of Liam. "No. He won't," he muttered. "I hope not." Then he blurted with an ashamed expression, "I let him kiss me."

"Whoa," Niall said softly. "Whoa. What happened there?"

Louis took a deep breath and dove into a rant. "It was the night you disappeared and I searched for you everywhere and I didn't get any sleep and I was so worried, y'know? Anyways, Liam texts me and I'm so tired and weak and I ask him to come over so he does and he comforts me and is so sweet and then, then he kisses me! And I don't push him away because my brain just short-circuits, because Jesus, I never knew how much I've missed his kisses and his hugs. He pulls away for a moment and my sanity returns and I push him away and tell him to leave and he does." Louis takes a deep calming breath, "It was a moment of weakness."

Niall's face was sincerely sad when he said, "I'm sorry I made you go so crazy that you let Liam kiss you. I promise I'll be better. I'll try."

"No, no," Louis said quickly and shook his head. "Don't beat yourself up. I'm just so happy you're alright. Don't ever scare me like that again."

Niall kissed him, because he would always like kissing Louis. "I won't... " He hoped that was a promise he could keep. "Want to sleep with me? I still have a pounding headache and I have to be fresh for my debut as Harry Styles' boyfriend... or whatever I am."

"Yeah, but are you sure Harry is ok with us kissing? I mean, you're together now after all." Louis was absolutely certain that Harry wouldn't like it and the last thing he needed was Harry being angry at him.

"Like Harry's going to stop kissing you," Niall rolled his eyes.

Louis thought of that for a second. "You have a point, but still, I'd like you to clear it out with Harry first. I don't want to be caught in a crossfire."

"Ok," Niall smiled at him. He stared at Louis' lips for a second. "Now all I can think about is giving you smooches."

Louis giggled and kissed Niall's nose. "You're cute," he said fondly. "Come on. I'll tuck you in."

~*~

Liam was in a lot of pain when he met up with Zayn again at the park. "I should've gone home and put ice on everything," he winced. "I'm a fool."

Zayn smirked. "First time you got in a fight, huh?"

Liam nodded, flopping into the grass. "Let's never, ever do that again."

Zayn sat down as well and said with a grin, "I'm planning to find each of them alone and beat the shit out of them." He'd done it before and he wouldn't mind doing it again.

"Not really....?" Liam said, turning to look at him.

"I'm considering it," Zayn said with a shrug. "I'll start with the one who called me a 'filthy paki fag'." He laid back down on the grass and rested his head on his interlaced hands, staring up at the blue sky.

Liam sighed. "Let it go, Zayn... You can't get tangled up in those sorts of people. Don't give them your energy. Give it to people that love you and want to see you succeed."

Zayn thought that Niall would probably have offered to beat them up with him. It made him smirk a bit. "Yeah," he said. "Y'know, I had to get my sister to put make-up on my face so my parents wouldn't know that I'd gotten into trouble. I looked like a porcelain doll. Quite creepy actually."

"You still have some," Liam said, reaching out and stroking some off with his thumb. "You're pretty," he smiled.

Zayn smiled back, coyly. "Flatterer."

Liam rolled over to face him, and for a moment, wanted nothing more but to kiss him. He took his hand away. "Um. So I was thinking. At my old school, there's this thing, it's a huge deal -- it's a Winter Ball. They're having it tonight."

Zayn's eyes traced Liam's face for a moment, before he got hold of himself. "Yeah? Is that a dance?"

"Yeah. I... It's... It's where I embarrassed Louis. Last year. Um... We could probably go."

"Oh," Zayn said, wondering why Liam would even want to go there, except if..."Don't tell me you want to win him back on the spot you lost him or something."

"No," Liam said softly. "No. Baby steps. I just want to see him. And I want to let everyone there know I didn't leave because I'm afraid of them."

Zayn smiled softly. "I hate dances," he muttered. He didn't dance. It made him feel like an idiot.

"You don't have to dance. Just hand out samples of your fine wares," Liam smiled. "Just be my date. I don't want to go alone."

"Your date?" Zayn repeated with an arched brow. "I don't think showing up with me as your date is the way to go if you want to be back in Louis' good graces."

"You know what I mean," Liam smirked at him. "I'm allowed a plus-one."

Zayn rolled his eyes a bit. "Fine," he said with a sigh. "What's the dress code for this thing?"

"White tie. And white everything else. Don't worry, I think I have a tux from last year you can use."

Zayn grimaced a bit. "I'm so looking forward to it," he said sarcastically. Then a thought hit him. "Wait," he said, sitting up. "Do you think Niall and Harry are going to be there?"

"I...." Liam was hoping to gloss over that. "Maybe." Yes. It was clear on his face.

"I'm not going," Zayn said, simply and lit a cigarette. The last thing he wanted to see was a repeat of what he'd seen this morning. Nope. He wasn't going to watch Harry and Niall exchanging saliva.

"Zayn, don't make me go alone," Liam said, very sober. "Please. I need you there. I'm asking this as a favor."

Zayn glanced at him and groaned a bit. "Don't use those puppy eyes on me," he said with a sigh.

Liam leaned in so his puppy eyes were unavoidable. "Nothing's going to happen, Zayn," he insisted. "We can ignore them, they'll ignore us -- plleeeeeaaaaase?"

Zayn succumbed almost immediately. He couldn't help it; Liam's eyes were definitely on the list of his weaknesses. "You owe me so much after this," he said and fondly pinched Liam's cheek.

Liam smiled at him. "C'mon, then," he said, helping Zayn up. "Let's go get pretty for the ball! I may need to borrow your sister and her makeup."

Zayn laughed and slung an arm around Liam's shoulder. "You don't need make-up, Li, you look pretty just the way you are."

~*~

Niall insisted on getting ready at Louis', despite Harry's insistence to meet at his. He giggled and flirted with Louis until Harry arrived. When he did, he was all dressed up for the ball. Niall stood in the door, just staring stupidly at the boy who would probably, at some point in the night, let Niall kiss him. The thought made Niall swoony. Harry was an absolute vision and he forgot what words were.

Harry looked at Niall, just as awe-struck with Niall as Niall was with him, but definitely better at hiding it. "Close your mouth, love, you're drooling," he teased and pushed Niall's mouth closed with a finger under his jaw, before he leaned down and pecked him on the lips. "You look beautiful."

"You-- You... You..." Was all Niall got out, before he shook himself and stepped aside to let Harry in. "My eye's fucked up," he blurted when he found more words.

Harry stepped inside and turned to look at Niall with a smirk. "I look good, I know," he said. He closed the door since Niall seemed incapable of that in the moment. "I brought you something. You might recognize it," he said and produced a rectangular velvet box, containing the watch Niall had rejected all that time ago.

"Harry..." Niall said softly. He shut the lid closed again. "I don't want people to think I'm your boyfriend f-- or... I mean... I don't want people thinking we're together in whatever capacity we're together because I want your money."

Harry frowned a bit. "Who the fuck cares what people think?" he said and stepped forward, cupping Niall's chin and tilting his face to his. "Let them think what they want. By the end of the day, they don't know anything. And if I'm your boyfriend, then I'm allowed to give you gifts. I'd really love it if you accepted them."

"Not... Not now... Harry, thank you," Niall said, shying away. "Thank you, it just doesn't seem right."

"When does it seem timely appropriate to give you gifts according to you then?" Harry asked put off as he put the watch away.

"When it's... I don't... I don't ever know if I'll be comfortable with gifts... like that," Niall said, honestly. Marriage was the answer though. Marriage, or something close to it. "But I appreciate the gesture," he said, reaching out and stroking Harry's arm.

Before Harry could say anything, Louis came skipping down the stairs. "Haroooold! You look gorgeous!" he greeted with a huge smile and smacked a kiss on Harry's cheek. "So! Are we ready for this thing?" he asked and looked between Niall and Harry with a grin. Harry could tell that Niall had told him everything and he was just happy that Louis wasn't trying to stick his nose into something that wasn't his business. "Yeah, let's go," he said and reached for Niall's hand.

Niall took it, warmed. "You are beautiful," he said sincerely, finally able to get his jaw off the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone truly lovely visited my Tumblr, so I had to rush home and upload a new chapter immediately. Here's to you, Ale! Thank you so much XO

Niall wasn't prepared for a party like this. It was insane, both fancy and reckless. They were announced -- announced for fuck's sake, each invitee with his or her date. "Harry Styles and Niall Horan," a man read into the microphone as they entered the room. Niall was stunned. Then he heard, "Louis Tomlinson," announced behind him, and the room went up in cheers, which made Niall smile. All the same, it was so strange to have everyone looking at him, sizing him up, checking out his fucked up eye.

All eyes were on them, adoring, jealous, and curious eyes of the elite. Harry loved every moment of it. Especially because they were looking at Niall and then looking at him like he'd gone off his rocker. Everyone was trying to figure out who Niall was, what family he was from, and Harry couldn't wait for their reaction when they found out that Niall wasn't one of them. It'd take ten minutes tops.

"Harry," Niall said, genuinely uncomfortable. "Harry, this is weird."

"What’s weird?" Harry asked and stroked Niall's hand with his thumb.

Some of them there knew him; most of whom were his customers. They started telling spreading the word and Niall could feel the shift in the room. "I think... maybe this isn't my scene."

Harry noticed the quality of the attention change as well and was undeterred by it. He caught a few nasty looks thrown Niall's way and pulled his boyfriend closer to him. "Listen love," he said, "if we're going to do this, then you'll have to get used to scenes like these."

Niall took a deep breath. He had a point. "Ok," he said, fortifying himself. "But you have to come to my shit, too."

Harry smirked. "And what's your shit?" he asked, genuinely curious. "Watching you get beaten up by a group of narrow-minded thugs?"

Niall laughed, that ballsy, way-too-loud bray of the lower classes. "You should've seen your face! You've never seen a bare-knuckle brawl before, have you?"

A few gentlemen turned to give Niall looks that clearly stated they didn't particularly enjoy this dirty, uncuffed boy on their turf. Harry gave them a sharp look that made them look away and when he turned to Niall, he smiled. "It was primitive," he said. "We don't do it like that."

"It feels good, Harry," Niall smiled, pressing his front against him and purring in his ear, "Primitive feels good."

Harry swallowed a bit, hand curling around Niall's hip. "Depends on the primitive act, wouldn't you say?"

"Fighting and fucking, Harry," Niall winked at him. "We're talking about fighting and fucking."

Harry laughed against Niall's temple. "Be appropriate, love. We're in public."

"I can't help it," Niall smiled, "I'm primitive." He kissed Harry below his jaw, more comfortable when he concentrated on Harry instead of everyone gawping at them.

Harry went rosy with contentment. "Let's get a drink," he said and pulled Niall to the refreshment table and poured them a glass of punch. He looked over his shoulder before he pulled a monogrammed flask out. "Adding a little flavor," he said with a smirk.

Niall was down with that. He watched Louis flitting around happily. "He always has a positive outlook on everything, doesn't he?"

Harry glanced up at Louis, but before his eyes could reach that far, they stopped at something at the entrance: Liam and Zayn. His jaw clenched. "Not for very long," he said darkly. "Look what the cat dragged in."

"Liam Payne and Zayn Malik," the man introducing them said and, again, everyone turned to look at the unfamiliar name. Zayn looked gorgeous. Better than gorgeous. Niall couldn't stop staring. He'd never seen Zayn that done up, and he felt like he'd stepped into a parallel universe contrived of his own fantasies.

Liam wished he could've stopped the guy before he spoke. He didn't want everyone turning and looking and he stood a bit stiffly when he heard his name go out in front of everyone. He just closed his eyes and prayed that Louis wasn't there yet. The last thing he needed was Louis thinking he and Zayn had paired up lovey-dovey style.

Louis, who'd been chatting merely with a girl stiffened up completely at the announcement. His gaze snapped towards the entrance and when he saw Liam, handsome, beautiful Liam, he felt his throat close up as horrible memories of last year flooded his mind. "What is he doing here?" the girl asked; she knew what had gone down last year, everyone fucking knew, and Louis could feel everyone staring at him, waiting for his reaction. He stood there and stared at Liam and Zayn coming in together and all he wanted was to storm into the restroom. However, he reminded himself he was a grown man and such petty childishness was beneath him. He forced himself to turn back to the girl and continued to talk to her, pretending that he didn't care if Liam was here or not.

Meanwhile, Zayn looked around with a bored expression. "This place seems lovely," he said and his wandering gaze came to a stop at the refreshment tables where he found Harry and Niall. He caught eyes with Niall.

Niall just stared. A large part of him wanted to scream. He felt like he was holding on with a thread. He reached out and took hold of Harry's hand to fortify himself against the hurt, against Zayn's witheringly good looks and it grounded him.

Liam reminded himself why he was here: to prove everyone he wasn't afraid of them. He wasn't. He would let everyone know Zayn was his friend, here to do business. But he couldn't help searching the crowd for Louis as he descended the stairs.

Zayn's gaze dropped to Niall's and Harry's intertwined hands and he looked away, annoyed. "This better be worth it, Liam," he grumbled.

Harry squeezed Niall's hand. "Ignore them," he said. He looked towards Louis who was giving him a helpless look. Louis excused himself from the girl and sought refuge with his friends. "What the fuck are they doing here," he hissed, agitated.

Niall was squeezing Harry's hand in a vice grip. Zayn was surely trying to kill him with this shit. "Maybe we should leave."

"No," Louis said resolutely before Harry had a chance to reply. "Fuck them both. I came here to have fun and I will not let Liam Payne ruin this for me--again!" Louis tilted his face up and strut into the crowd; intent on showing everyone that he wasn't the silly mess he'd been last year.

"They let all kind of trash in these days," Harry said, nose wrinkled in distaste. "But Louis is right. We aren't going anywhere."

Niall sighed hard, through his nose. "Then let's -- can we find somewhere else to be? Let's go dance -- something!"

"Let's dance," Harry said and took Niall's hand, leading him into the crowd of swaying kids.

Niall smuggled more of Harry's alcohol down his throat as he followed him. The music was something slow and dreamy, which let him hold onto Harry tightly.

The responses to Liam were mixed. A few folks came up and patted him on the back, telling him he was missed, while others hung back and tried to kill him with their glares. "You don't have to stay by me," Liam said to Zayn. "Feel free to mingle or... do whatever's helpful."

Zayn gave Liam a bit of a look. "Mingle? Seriously?" He rolled his eyes and gave Liam a pat on the shoulder. "Good luck, bro." He walked to the refreshment table and poured himself some punch that tasted notably better than the shit they served at his own school dances. He caught Harry and Niall dancing, holding each other close and he stared. "That's complete bullshit," he muttered under his breath; since when did Niall like to dance?

Meanwhile, Louis was chatting with a fit bloke, or more like flirting with him. And no, it was not to make Liam jealous.

Liam swallowed and circled Louis, trying not to be obvious. He couldn't help it. He was addicted to that boy. When Louis' classmate put a hand on his hip was when Liam had had enough. He stepped forward and said, "Hey..."

Niall saw Zayn watching him over Harry's shoulder. He looked away as if he was burned and reached for Harry's flask. "How did they even get in? Neither of them go to your school."

Louis and the guy --Jeremy--both looked up. Louis tried not to be too star-struck with how good Liam looked up close. "Hey," he replied and turned away, grabbing Jeremy's hand. "Let's dance, Jer!" He pulled Jeremy into the dancing crowd. Liam swallowed. He didn't know why Louis would avoid him like this, but he would give him space. He talked to all his old friends who wanted to catch up with him, who thought his slumming was the coolest thing they'd ever heard. They seemed to think it was a social experiment or something.

Harry scoffed. "Liam can still get in," he said. "That boy gives me major headaches."

When Zayn was caught looking, he let out a huff and decided to concentrate on selling.

"So. Harry. Who's this?" A girl who looked straight out of an Elle magazine asked, sidling up to the boy. "I've never known you to pick up strays."

Catherine Pierce. She was all evil packed into her tiny, well-rounded body. "He's name is Niall Horan," he said and then added. "He's my boyfriend."

"No. Seriously, Harry. Who is this?"

Niall didn't take kindly to this. "I'm his fucking boyfriend, you twat! You deaf?"

Catherine looked flustered. She stared at Niall for a moment, before she turned on her heels and left.

"Easy, love," Harry said with a slight chuckle and cradled Niall's face with one hand, stroking his cheek. "Don't let them get to you."

Niall took a deep breath. "I'm not-- I'm not-- Sorry," he ducked his head apologetically. People were staring. It was clear that no one here thought Niall's reaction was either appropriate or humorous and Niall could feel their disapproval.

Harry kissed Niall's temple comfortingly. "It's okay," he said softly. "Do you want to go out and get some air?"

Niall shook his head. "How long are we staying?"

"Do you want to leave?" Harry asked. They've barely been there for an hour, but Harry realized that Niall could only take small doses of this at a time.

Niall stroked Harry's arms. "Let's go onto the veranda, drink a lot, then see how I'm doing, yeah?"

Harry nodded and took Niall’s hand, well aware that despite the present shitshow, he was proud as hell to have Niall Horan on his arm and relished the opportunity to show him off.

~*~

Zayn walked up to Liam just as he finished talking to one of his few remaining friends. "How is it going?" he asked. "And where do you hide the alcohol around here?"

Liam sighed. "There's no alcohol here... Did you talk to Niall?"

Zayn glanced at where Harry and Niall had absconded through the large French double doors. He looked away with a grimace. "No. And I'm not planning to," he said. "Can we leave, yet?"

"I have to talk to Louis," Liam said. "But I can't go two steps without someone trying to get the scoop on me... Everyone thinks you're my boyfriend."

"And they think I'm an upgrade," Zayn said before he could stop himself. He looked sheepish. "Sorry."

"They think you're good-looking," Liam corrected. "But they know you're -- you know... a drug dealer. Harry and I are making slumming the new cool." He rolled his eyes at the pettiness of his peers.

"I hate rich kids," Zayn said and caught Harry and Niall sneaking away. "I really hate rich kids. I'm going to find alcohol or I won't make it through the night." He patted Liam's shoulder and walked away. With no other distractions, Liam turned his full attention on finding his little lost love.

~*~

Niall downed half of Harry's flask and when he gave it back, he said, "We have nothing in common and I'm just going to embarrass you in front of your friends. Why do you like me, Harry Styles? I've given you absolutely no reason to."

Harry was surprised by that question. He didn't answer immediately, just looked at Niall for a moment. Then, he cradled his cheek and smiled softly. "I've been asking myself that," he said quietly, brushing his thumb along his cheek. "And I'm still not sure. Funny thing, huh?" He leaned down and kissed Niall, "I told you before, it's a lot easier to just let it happen."

Niall sighed and nuzzled his hand. "We don't hang out much," he said. "Pretty much we just fuck."

"We can change that," Harry said. "We can hang out and then conclude the day by fucking."

Niall’s eyes twinkled with mischief. "You like Daft Punk?"

Harry suppressed a wince. "No," he said, "But I guess I have to do some of your shit with you."

Niall perked his face out of Harry’s gentle grip and teased adoringly, “What do you listen to? Bach?"

That made Harry laugh. "You want to go to a concert then. We can go to those helmet-wearing weirdos, if you'd want."

Niall smiled at him. Fuck, Harry was gorgeous -- gorgeous enough to make him forget about Zayn. He shyly took hold of Harry's hand. "When are you leaving with Louis? Maybe when you get back, we can go to the zoo together..."

Harry sighed softly. "I'm going to miss you," he said sincerely and lifted their hands to kiss Niall's knuckles. "The offer to join still stands," he said, hopeful.

Niall shook his head 'no'. "When I told him we were together, he said he was afraid of becoming the third wheel. He'd feel like shit if I went with you and hogged all your attention."

Harry let the disappointment show on his face. "Fine," he said. "I'll take you somewhere pretty someday."

"The zoo," Niall said, feeling a bit dewy as he always did when Harry said those things. "We're going to the zoo. It'll be a... date." The word made him tingly.

"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but we can go to the zoo, if you'd like. And I'd really like to visit your sister."

Niall flinched. "She isn't doing well... I don't know if I told you... I told her Zayn and I were getting married; to make her happy." He watched Harry's face carefully for his reaction, knowing how well Harry could hide things.

The only thing that belied Harry’s mood was a lightening flash of pain in his eyes. "How beautiful," he said with thick sarcasm. "So, you'll have to introduce me as your friend."

Niall shrugged apologetically. "It really made her happy," he said softly. "And it was before you and I were -- y'know."

Harry nodded slowly, trying to be understanding. He sighed a bit. The talk about Niall's sister reminded Harry of a topic that had been long troubling him. "There's something I've been thinking about," he said slowly and pulled Niall down on a bench. He took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about...your source of income."

Niall wiggled against the stone seat uncomfortably. "Um. Yeah? Is it the weed?"

"No...the other one."

Niall swallowed hard. "You're not talking about the cleaning, are you?"

"We both know what I'm talking about," Harry said. He took Niall's hand, "I don't want you to do it anymore."

Niall took his hand away. "We can't -- We can't talk about this, Harry. It isn't on the table. I can swear to you that I always use protection, and I’ll get tested whenever you want, but that's it; that's all I'm saying."

Harry frowned a bit. "I understand why you're doing it, but I need you to understand that you can’t to do it anymore," he said. "I just can't stand that you're doing that." The thought of some sweaty, old pervert heaving atop of Niall made his blood burn. "Just let me take care of you, love."

"No." For a long time it seemed the only thing Niall was going to say. Then, he blurted, "It's keeping my sister alive. It's the only thing keeping my sister alive."

Harry took Niall's face in his hands and forced him to look at him. "I'll help with the bills," he said. "Please. Just let me help. I can't live with the thought that you're doing that while I'm right here and perfectly capable of helping."

"Harry..." Niall pulled his hands from his face. "You already got me a job cleaning your house. You're helping. But I don't want... Harry, I know you have a lot of money, but it would drain your savings. You would own me.”

"No. No, it wouldn't. Niall, please just let me do this for you. That's all I'm asking. You're mine, do you really think I can pretend this isn’t happening?"

"Harry! Fuck! No! That's way too fast, ok? If we were married, I'd say yes, but we're not and god knows I think you're great, and I'm crazy about you, but if we break up, I don't want it to be your heart and several hundred thousand dollars I owe you!"

Harry stared silently at Niall for several minutes. "How can you expect for me to be okay with this?" he said, frustrated. "How would you feel if it was the other way around?"

Niall swallowed, looking quite grim. "I wouldn't get involved with someone like me if I were you, Harry."

"Not even if you couldn't stop thinking about me?" Harry asked quietly. Then he said with a dark smile, "But why am I asking you this, when I'm the only fool here?"

"If you're a fool, I'm a selfish jerk who's taking advantage of a fool," Niall said softly. "And I don't want to take advantage of you by draining your trust fund."

Harry shook his head and looked away. "You are selfish," he said with a wry smile. "But who am I to judge."

"You want me to be more selfish?" Niall smirked at him. "Take you for all you're worth?"

Harry scoffed a bit. He looked at Niall. "I don't think you realize how much you've taken already."

Niall leaned in and nuzzled his temple, planting a soft kiss there. "So tell me."

Harry’s eyes lolled shut, and he became aware of how useless it was to resist. He put a hand on Niall's thigh. "I think about you," he said quietly. "I think about you a lot. It's irritating, but the harder I try to stop, the worse it gets."

Niall peppered his hairline with tiny kisses. "I'm sure the more we hang out, the sooner that'll go away," he smiled, working his way around Harry’s ear.

Harry smiled and stroked Niall's thigh, hand travelling further up. "It doesn't feel like it'll ever go away."

Niall leaned in to cradle his face and he kissed his lips, so warm and welcoming. He could taste the alcohol on Harry's breath and knew they were fast becoming doubly drunk on the alcohol and each other. "Maybe we should go somewhere..."

Harry's heart was doing that little manic dance it only did for Niall. He hummed and kissed him back, hand slowly falling between Niall's legs. "Restrooms?" He asked against Niall's mouth. "Would you like to fuck me in a toilet stall?"

Niall snarled softly and kissed him fiercely. "C'mon," he said, taking Harry's hand and charging through the throng of people to find the stall in which he would fuck Harry silly.

~*~

Liam was on Louis' tail again. He hated to be cheesy, but when Jeremy danced with Louis for three songs in a row and was clearly going for a fourth, he couldn't take it. "Jeremy... I'm butting in,” he said as gracefully as he could, while still making the issue inarguable.

Much to Louis chagrin, Jeremy just shrugged and floated away, leaving him with Liam. "What are you doing here, Liam?"

"I -- I was hoping to redeem myself. Here... Y'know," Liam stuttered, stupid under his love's scrutiny. "You look amazing."

Louis felt self-conscious with everyone watching their every move. "Thanks," he said. "You don't look half-bad yourself."

"Will you dance with me?" Liam asked, holding his hand out, his eyes big and round like an anime character.

Louis blushed a bit; that bastard, he knew what he was doing. "One," he said and put his hand in Liam's. "Only one dance."  
Liam pulled Louis against him, almost groaning at how good it felt to have him in his arms again. "One..." He pushed his nose into Louis' hair and breathed in deeply, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

Louis was trying hard not to shake. One thing that had not changed was how right it felt to be in Liam's arms. Louis leaned into him, taking in the feel of him, the smell of him. He was conditioned to crave this. "Where's Zayn?"

"I don't know. He's not my date." He pulled back to look at Louis. "Really, he isn't. I brought him so he could make connections for his --your company."

Louis looked over Liam's shoulder. He couldn't look at Liam's gorgeous eyes so close without feeling like succumbing. "Ok," he said and caught a guy drunkenly yammering at Zayn and he looked like he was tolerating it just so he could drink from the guy's flask.

Liam looked over at him. "He's... He's awkward," he said a little apologetically. "I got in my first fist fight today with him. Well, not with him. He and I beat up on some jerks who were saying shit about Harry and Niall.... It got ugly."

Louis' gaze snapped back to Liam. "What? You got in a fight?" Niall had never told him the details and he found himself thinking that Liam fighting was hot.

"Yeah... Although," he bobbed his head as the memory hit him, "I did get into a scuffle with Niall when I found out you two slept together."

Louis missed Liam's jealousy and he wasn't going to admit that he was a little pleased that Liam knew about him and Niall. "We aren't together, Liam," he said calmly. "I can do as I please."

Liam stood up very straight and tightened his jaw as he did whenever he was displeased and trying to hide it. "He's beneath you," he said simply.

Louis stopped up abruptly and stared at Liam. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means--" Liam huffed. "It means you’re perfect. You're ... And he's crazy. I mean, Louis -- he's crazy."

Louis' jaw clenched a bit. "Yeah well, at least he was never ashamed, at least he never humiliated me and watched me burn. Don't talk shit about him, Liam," Louis pulled away from Liam and turned, walking away.

Liam grabbed his arm. "What do I have to do? Louis, what do I have to do to prove to you I'm sorry?"

Louis pulled his arm out, hard. "Start by giving me the space that I asked for," he said. "You can't just come back and expect me to open my arms for you and take you back. That doesn't work, Liam."  
"I don't expect you to!" Liam was pleading. "I'm not asking you to take me back, I'm asking you what you need me to do to prove to you that I'm sorry, that I was horribly wrong, that I love you and that throwing you over to impress these jerks was the biggest mistake of my life!"  
Everyone was watching by the time he was done. One kid in the back actually started doing the slow-clap.

Louis' cheeks heated up at all the unwanted attention. "Space," he said. "I need space and time."

A girl went 'awwwwww, Louis!' somewhere to the right. Liam just stared at him, looking like a puppy whose master told him he didn't want him anymore. Then he just blurted out, "Yes, I am gay!" to everyone. "Gay-ish. Gayish. And I made the biggest mistake of my life not standing up for the boy I love because I was trying to impress you all. Because I didn't want you all to think I was lame... Gay! I didn't want you to know I was in love with a boy!"

"Sit down, Liam!" someone called.

"You shut up!" Liam called back.

"He's being romantic!" the girl to the right yelled at the first boy.

"He's being an ass!"

"Fuck you!" Another girl on his side.

"Yeah, buddy, fuck you!" It was Heath Wilshire of the football team standing up for him, despite how it embarrassed the rest of his mates.

"Thank you, Heath," Liam said and Heath just raised his cup of punch.

Zayn was tipsy and had watched the scene from the far back, found it hilarious and laughed out loud in a moment where everyone else were waiting for Louis' reply with baited breath, drawing everyone's attention on him.

"Dammit, Zayn, you're supposed to be on my side!" Liam snapped at him. He turned back to Louis. "I'll give you space," he said, a little breathless. "I promise, I'll give you space, but-- You just have to know I--"

"He's in love with you!" Heath cawed from behind him.

Liam winced. "Thanks, Heath." Heath just lifted his cup of punch again.

Louis was blushing red like a firetruck, embarrassed and pleased all the same. He knew he loved Liam, but it wasn't equivalent to being ready to jump back into a relationship with him. He simply wasn't ready. He could feel the pressure on him from his peers who were obviously waiting for a movie-worthy reunion. Louis just nodded to Liam. "I'll call you," he said and turned on his heels, receiving a displeased 'awwwww' from the crowd.

 

 

Liam, on the other hand, was really happy with that. He watched Louis go, then spun to Zayn with a cartoonishly happy expression. The woot he let out was ear-piercing.

Zayn held up the flask he'd stolen from a random guy and smiled at Liam, taking a huge sip of it. "Time to leave?" he asked, feeling a bit drunk.

"No! Now we dance! Victory, Zayn!" He swept the other boy into his arms.

Zayn let out a surprised sound, grabbing Liam's shoulders for purchase. He looked at Liam or rather looked at his lips. His judgment was the slightest bit blurred and being this close to Liam was not a good idea. "I don't dance," he said and pulled back from Liam. "I need to use the restroom."

"What's wrong with you?" Liam laughed, taking his hand. "Lighten up! I just got great news!"

Zayn pulled back his hand. "Nothing," he said and clapped Liam's cheek. "I just need to take a piss.”

"Then dance with me after!" Liam chirped, flushed, his arm outspread.

Liam was so happy it made Zayn smile. It also made him want to kiss him. He shook his head and blinked. "I'll be right back," he said and turned on his heels. "Don't follow me."

Liam was about to protest again when Heath picked him up from behind and started manhandling him around in a bumbling attempt at a waltz.

Zayn shook his head with a smile and headed for the restrooms to light up a joint. Maybe he'd find a pretty girl that would be up for sucking his dick.

By the time Zayn found the bathroom, he hadn't found a girl; not that he'd tried very hard. So, he was sitting up on the sink and leisurely smoking a blunt. He was content and peaceful when two guys attached to each other stumbled in. He looked up to see who was disturbing his peace and stiffened when he saw it was Niall and Harry.

Harry saw him before Niall did and Niall never got a chance as Harry pulled him into a stall all the while smirking at Zayn.

"Fuck, Harry," Niall laughed softly. Then he went still and smirked triumphantly. "Someone's smoking our weed in here." He was so proud.

Harry smirked back. "You know how much I love an audience," he said, louder than necessary, just to be sure that Zayn heard him. "Now, how would you like me love?" He purred, kissing Niall. "Want to sit down and let me ride you?"

Zayn heard everything so clearly and he was frozen to the spot, the cigarette burning out between his fingers.

Niall nuzzled into Harry's lips, thinking about it. "Yeah," he sighed softly. "I want to kiss your mouth and fuck you at the same time..." He fussed with Harry's fancy dress pants and pushed his hands down the back, taking hold of his cute bum.

Harry moaned and Zayn had heard enough. With a hiss, he hopped down and was about to storm out, but stopped half-way out of the door. He wasn't going to give Harry that satisfaction and before he could stop himself, he threw the door into the stall open and regretted it the moment he saw Niall's hand in the back of Harry's pants. That was a sight he could have lived without.

Niall jumped and clutched Harry against him defensively. When he saw Zayn, he couldn't believe it. "What -- what are you doing?" he asked, genuinely unable to comprehend what was going on here or why Zayn would barge in on him.

Zayn didn't know what he was doing either. He stared at them for a moment or two. "Disturbing," he said and turned on his heels and stormed off.

"Motherfucker!" Niall snarled. "He did not just fucking say what I heard him say!" He couldn't believe it. He got Harry's pants back on, then charged out after Zayn, not willing to let this rest. "Did you seriously fucking say 'disturbing' to me after barging in on me and my boyfriend?!"

Zayn was a bit startled that Niall had followed him. "I did," he said and when he saw Niall's expression, he added. "Don't you dare punch me again. You're pushing your luck." They were causing a scene and people were beginning to notice.

Niall got in close and hissed at him fiercely, "You seriously expect me to believe you're not a homophobic motherfucker after you pull that shit? Did I ever bust in on you in a goddamn mosque and say you were disgusting?" He backed off, but his eyes were crazy with rage. "You're a piece of shit friend, Zayn. Really, you're a piece of shit friend."

Zayn's eyes flashed. "Oh, look, you're calling me homophobic. Is that really all you got, Niall? Because it's seriously getting old. And who's the shit friend here? You," he snarled and dug a finger into Niall's chest. "You told me you were happy my grandfather was dead! Or are you going to tell me you didn’t mean any of that horrible shit you said?"

“Of course I didn't mean that!" Niall snapped at him. "Of course I'm not happy that your grandfather's dead! I just wanted to make you hurt! I wanted to try to hurt you half as much as you've hurt me!"

"Yeah?" Zayn said, jaw clenching and blood boiling. "The difference is that I never meant to hurt you, but you did. Just, fuck you."

Just then, Harry came up behind Niall and put a hand on Niall's shoulder, "He isn't worth it. Ignore him," he said, eyes cold on Zayn.

Niall shook his head, his ire cooling with Harry's hand on him. He leaned back into the touch and looked up at his boyfriend. It was clear he was heartbroken and tired. "Have a nice night, Zayn..."

That stung Zayn and as he stared at Niall, he realized that he couldn't recognize him anymore. He'd held on to their friendship so desperately, afraid to see what was happening. Everything had fallen apart and there was nothing he could do. He looked away, "I guess people grow apart," he said sadly. He turned on his heels and walked away. He found Liam's car and sat on the hood of it, lighting a cigarette, feeling empty.

Liam noticed Zayn leave. He really, really didn't want to leave the party, but he sure as shit wasn't going to leave Zayn to sit alone in his car. Intending to cheer him up enough to return, he hopped through the parking lot to meet him, crawling up on the car with him. "Hey," he said warmly.

Zayn looked up and managed a smile, "At least the night is going well for one of us," he said with a soft sigh.

Liam made himself comfortable and draped an arm over Zayn. "You're gonna be alright. Did Niall upset you?"

Zayn looked at Liam for a moment. "I'm fine," he said with a ghost of a smile, "You should get back in."

"I'm not leaving you to pout on my car," Liam said, happy. "Tell me what happened," he squeezed him close.

Zayn could smell Liam's fresh, crisp cologne and if he looked up, Liam's face was too close. His lips were too close. He pulled back. "No, bro, I'm alright. Just the usual spat with Niall," he said and took a swig from the flask. "Get back. I'll be right behind you."

"What was it this time?" Liam asked, reclining on the windshield.

Zayn glanced at Liam and gave a soft sigh. "I was an ass," he said with a shrug. "Barged into him and Harry going at it and found it disturbing. Niall got mad."

Liam frowned and thought a moment. "Why did you do that? -- Barge in on them?"

Zayn rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know. It was a real asshole thing to do," he said and took another swig of the alcohol-- it was some good stuff. "I just hate Harry Styles."

"Well..." Liam sighed. "Yeah. I hate him, too... Everyone hates Harry Styles. But... Why specifically do you hate him?"

"I don't need a specific reason to hate Harry Styles," Zayn grumbled and rubbed his face.

"You hate him because he took Niall away from you?" Liam asked carefully.

Zayn didn't reply and that was a reply in itself. "I miss him," he said softly.

Liam sighed heavily. "Are you two able to talk without yelling at each other?"

"As of late, no," Zayn said and shook his head. He couldn't remember the last time they had an actual conversation.

"Maybe you should try for that -- just being honest with each other... I mean... Are you clear on what you want from him?" Liam wasn't sure. He truly suspected that Zayn was madly, deeply in love with Niall and unable to face it.

Zayn shrugged. He took another swig which turned out to be the last one. Zayn looked at the flask where the initials of the owner were monogrammed. "That was some good shit," he said with a slight slur and smiled, throwing the flask away. He laid back down next to Liam. "Do you think I'm a shitty friend?"

"Yes," Liam said matter-of-factly. "That was a great flask." He laughed softly and crawled off the car to go fetch the flask from the bushes. He found it, his suit a bit dingier for the effort, and returned to the car. "Alright. Seriously, though: No. You're a wonderful friend."

Zayn laughed. "Sorry," he said and turned to look at Liam, smiling softly. "You're good friend too, Leeyum," he said, his fingers dancing along Liam's shoulder. God, he loved Liam's shoulders.

Liam smiled warmly at him. "I'll help you get Niall back. You helped me get Louis back. There's no reason we shouldn't be with them. We love them, they love us. It's stupid for us to be apart."

Zayn frowned. "What are you talking about?" he asked and played with Liam's tie. "Niall is my friend. He's just my friend." He sighed, "And Louis is annoying as fuck. It's beyond me why you spend so much energy on him."

Liam sighed heavily. "I love Louis," he said pointedly. "Kindly refrain from calling him names in my presence, please. And.. just... you and Niall would be a good looking couple, is all."

Zayn pulled his hand to himself. "Sorry," he said flatly. He looked up at the polluted sky, blinking. "You should go back."

Zayn was difficult to be friends with. He would shut down on Liam in a heartbeat, hide away, close off. "I don't want to leave you alone out here," he said, almost feeling punished. "I can take you somewhere else if you want." But he didn't know what he'd done wrong.

Zayn felt shitty. He didn't want to ruin his friendship with Liam, like he'd ruined it with Niall. He turned and smiled at him. "I'm sorry. I should be supportive," he said. "I promise I won't say anything negative about him in your presence. And you don't have to take me anywhere. I know you want to stay. I'll call for a cab."

Liam looked at him sadly. "I hate seeing you like this. I want to cheer you up. I want to make you happy."

Zayn smiled and couldn't help but press a finger against Liam's pout. "Don't look like a kicked puppy, Li," he said. "Makes me feel evil."

Liam took his hand and held it firmly in his two big, strong, warm ones. "Then come inside and dance with me."

It was kind of scary to Zayn how easily he wanted to let Liam pull him back to the party. His eyes dropped to his lips for a second too long. "I don't dance," he said and pulled his hand back. "I'm too cool for that."

"Then come chat up girls while I dance," Liam smiled at him, open, welcoming, like a hearth fire.

Zayn smiled back, drawn in by Liam's warmth and he didn't realize he was leaning in. He couldn't have stopped himself if he wanted to when his face tilted and he kissed Liam softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to reach us:
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> Miraal:  
> Kik: @Miraal07


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone truly lovely visited my Tumblr, so I had to upload again as fast as I could! Here's to you, Ale! Thank you so much XO

Harry looked up and saw Louis walking towards them, red in the cheeks. "Here he comes," he said and nodded towards the approaching boy, "and he looks a little too happy."

"Hey, beautiful," Niall smiled, feeling the tightness in his chest release a little at the sight of his happy friend. "Don't you look rosy!"

"Hi babies!" Louis greeted with a wide grin and smacked a sloppy kiss on Niall and Harry's cheeks. "Where did you guys go? Snuck in a dirty fuck, I assume?" He wriggled his brows at them. 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Almost," he muttered, annoyed at Zayn for ruining it.

Niall gave Harry a look as if to say 'we're not talking about that' and clearly he wasn't entirely happy with Harry in that moment, either. He turned it around on Louis. "What happened, man?"

"Liam declared his love for me in front of everyone," Louis said and tried to keep it cool, but he couldn't fight down the ear-splitting grin.

Niall smiled, but he couldn't be terribly happy about it. "You look pleased," he said. He didn't want Louis and Liam back together. He was sick of men treating them like shit and he just knew Liam would do it again.

Louis gave a small shrug and looked away from Harry's judgmental eyes.

"Seriously?" Harry said in disbelief, not terribly thrilled at the possibility of having Liam around again.

"It was...it was kind of sweet," he said with a pout. "It doesn't mean I'm falling right back into his arms." 

Niall took a breath, then said stoically, "Just don't forget what he did to you -- what he's capable of."

Louis' face fell at that and he got a brief, painful flashback of the event that had occurred at this very place. "I won't," he muttered, looking down. 

"Good," Harry said with a roll of his eyes.

Niall came forward and gave him a hug. "You're too good for him, Louis."

Louis hugged him back and sighed softly. Sometimes, he just felt terribly alone and pathetic. 

"We're leaving to go to a bar for an after party in a few," he said and looked from Harry to Niall. "You two are coming, right?"

"There's a bar that will let us in?" Niall lit up. They were only eighteen after all.

Harry and Louis gave each other a look like Niall had said something adorable. "Welcome to our world," Harry said with a smirk.

"Oh my god," Niall said, his face lighting up. "We should totally go!" He looked at Harry. "You ready, baby? I mean, this was supposed to be your night."

Harry smiled. "Why not?"

Louis let out a whoop, "Yes! We'll turn it up!"

Niall smiled at him. "You wanna go get the car, Lou? I need a word with Harry."

Louis raised a brow. "Ok," he said and strutted away.

Harry didn't like the sound of that and looked at Niall, wary.

Niall looked up into his... boyfriend? lover? friend with benefits?'s face and tried to not get prematurely pissed off. "Did you know Zayn was in there? When you pushed me into that stall?"

Harry pulled off an innocent look. "No. How would I know? You had my undivided attention."

Niall looked at him suspiciously. He had seen the figure on the vanity, gotten a glimpse of cammo jacket, but Harry had pushed him into the stall so fast, so suddenly abruptly. "You swear on that, Styles?" He eyed him with the precision of someone who had spent time on the streets and needed to read people for his survival.

Harry rolled his eyes. "What if I did?" he asked challengingly. "What does it even matter that he saw us? He's a prick.”  
Niall's jaw set a little bit. "Harry, you know I have to work with him! Why would you-- Why would you intentionally antagonize him like that? Seriously, Harry!"

"Antagonize him?" Harry repeated in disbelief. "He doesn't give a flying fuck. He's just mad he can't fuck around with your feelings anymore. Why am I the bad person here?"

Niall's jaw clenched. He was pissed, but trying to keep cool. "Harry -- I can't believe you... I can't fucking believe you would think that was ok! You knew I wouldn't have gone into that stall with you if I knew he was there!"

Harry sighed and inspected his nails as if bored by the whole thing. "I still can't see what I did wrong. Can we drop it?"

Niall put his face in his hand. "You're a mess, Harry Styles."

Harry grabbed Niall's hand and pulled them off. "Well, love," he drawled, "so are you."

Niall himself knew there was no refuting that. As much as it pissed him off, villainy was sexy on Harry. "Let's go to this bar," he sighed. "And you can tell me about how you can't stop thinking of me."

"You just love getting your ego stroked by me, don't you," Harry said and took Niall's hand.

"You owe me after a stunt like that," Niall smirked at him, leading him outside. They were only a brief walk away from the dance when he saw Zayn and Liam snuggling warmly on the hood of a car and felt stabbed in the guts.

"What?" Harry asked when he saw Niall's reaction and followed his gaze. "Oh," he said when he saw Zayn and Liam kissing.

Niall suddenly started walking very fast, Harry's hand in his. “Just walk,” he instructed Harry. His breathing was heavy as he dragged Harry to Louis' car. He saw Louis talking to a class mate, but he just flung himself into the backseat. He thought he was going to puke. What came out instead were words, "You want to go away, Harry? Let's go away. Anywhere you want, just -- far. Just really, really far, really... Africa. Let's go to the south... Deep south of Africa and just..." he winced, and went eerily silent.

Harry wordlessly gathered Niall in his arms and held him close, kissing the top of his head. 

~*~

Liam pulled back when it looked like Zayn wasn't going to. "Um... That was.. Nice," he said awkwardly. "Probably shouldn't do it again."

That stung and it shouldn't sting at all. Zayn sat up, face heating up, embarrassed and ashamed. "I'm sorry," he said, "I don't know why I did that. Let's pretend it never happened." He got off the car, nearly slipping in his half-drunken state. "Um, I'll just call a cab," he stuttered out, in a rush to get away. 

"Zayn... Zayn, it's not a big deal!" Liam called after him with a laugh. "You're just drunk! Get back here!"

Zayn grimaced. Jesus, he was fucked up. "Alright!" He called over his shoulder. "I'm going home." 

Liam let him go -- the boy was clearly embarrassed. He would give him his space, but was determined to call him in the morning.

~*~

 

"Hey! There you are!" Louis said, slipping into the car as well and he noticed Niall's state. "What happened?" he asked, worried. 

"We caught Zayn and Liam kissing," Harry said, looking Louis dead in the eye. "You still considering taking him back?" 

Louis' face drained of color. "No," he said, heart aching. "He wouldn't--not after--"

Niall was trying not to have a meltdown. He'd seen what he had seen -- Liam looked a little weirded out, but Zayn... Zayn meant it. Zayn wanted it. With Liam. He stayed huddled in Harry's arms, wondering how it was possible anything hurt anymore.

Louis' hurt was quickly swept away by burning anger. "Where are they?" he hissed, ready to give those motherfucker's a piece of his mind. 

"Just drive, Louis," Harry said steadily. "They're not worth it." He was more than thrilled at the possibility of Zayn and Liam permanently getting cut out of his life. He really didn't need them there.

Niall, for his part, pointed to Liam's car. Louis had the right to rip into him.

Louis jumped out of the car and charged towards Liam's car, murder in his eyes. "You fucking bastard!" He snarled at Liam and threw some pebbles at him. "You lying, dirty bastard!"

"What...? Louis!" This came out of nowhere for Liam. "Calm down. Please, calm down! What happened?"

"Fuck you!" Louis screamed and slapped Liam hard. "Do you think I'm a fool! Where is Zayn!? Where is that fucker?" He looked around after the boy, eager to rip him apart.

"He left," Liam sighed, slowly figuring out what had happened. "He left, Louis. Calm down. Please, just talk to me." Damn, his cheek hurt, but he wasn't going to be riled -- not if it meant Louis might walk away from him.

"What the fuck is there to talk about!?" Louis raged. "Do you enjoy it, Liam? Do you enjoy playing with my head?"

"Louis," Liam said in his most placating voice. "That's not what happened. Zayn's... He kissed me, Louis. He's drunk and lonely and a mess over Niall and he just stormed off because I told him to stop, ok?"

Louis' chest was heaving and he stared at Liam. "I don't believe you," he spat. Liam had shattered his trust into tiny pieces and Louis would always be waiting for him to hurt him again. "You probably want him! Of course you'd want him!" Louis was so terribly insecure and he hated it. 

"I want you! Louis, you're all I've ever wanted, you're the only boy I've ever, ever wanted like that. You know it. Louis, you have to know it!" He looked so lost and hopeless, but not guilty. There wasn't a shred of guilt in his face. "Do you seriously think I'd jeopardize a chance with you again for... for anything?" He risked a step forward. "Look, Zayn... Zayn is... I think he's in love with Niall. He just saw him and Harry getting it on in the bathroom and he's hurt and scared and fucked up and looking for comfort. He doesn't -- He's not into me, I'm not into him. We're friends, ok? We're two friends trying to support each other in getting the boys we love back."

Louis backed away from him, heart racing. He shook his head. "No, no," he said, clutching his hair. "You're so stupid, Liam. You've always been so fucking blind!" He shoved Liam away from him. "Can't you see? Can't you see that Zayn has never been in fucking love with Niall? It's you! It's always been you!"

That actually warmed Liam's heart a bit and he went a little melty -- not because he thought Zayn loved him, but because he thought Louis was projecting his own love for Liam onto Zayn. He looked at Louis with adoring doe eyes. "Louis... I think you're a bit confused. But it isn't the point, anyway. Zayn's my friend, ok? I only see him as a friend."

"I'm not confused, you asshole," Louis snapped. He got up in Liam's face and dug a finger into his chest. "Listen. You and Zayn stay the fuck away from me and Niall. We don't need your shit in our lives. Fuck you both." He shoved Liam away.

"Louis--!" Liam ran after him and grabbed his arm. "Louis, if you want, I'll put an end to our friendship, ok? I won't be Zayn's friend anymore--" There was desperation on Liam's features that was so rare and foreign, it was a little terrifying. "Please... Please, just trust me. You have to believe me, he's just a friend to me!"

Louis stopped up and stared at Liam. "Ok," he heard himself say, "Stop being friends with him." Right then, in his mind, Zayn was the root to all the problems. It was his fault Niall was heartbroken, his fault Harry's first love was unrequited. "Come back to our school."

Liam swallowed hard. "I -- I can't. But I won't be friends with Zayn anymore, I promise..." It killed him. It absolutely killed him to leave Zayn in the cold. He despised himself, hated that he let Louis strip him of his morals. He aged ten years in that instant.

Louis pushed away the guilt at the expression on Liam's face. "Good," he said and pulled his arm out of Liam's hold. "Goodnight, Liam."

Liam just stood there. Then he went back to his car and gripped the steering wheel, nearly crumbling the thing in his fists.

Niall was curled in Harry's arms when Louis returned.

Louis climbed back into the car, exhausted in every way possible. He looked at Harry and Niall and smiled wanly. "You guys still up for the bar?" he wanted to get drunk and forget tonight every happened. Harry looked at Niall for a reply.

"What happened?" Niall asked.

Louis shook his head and started the car. "He offered to stop being friends with Zayn," he muttered. Harry stared at Louis. "In return for what?" he asked evenly. Louis' shoulders curled slightly, "That I didn't freeze him out."

"Wh- Really?" That brought Niall out of his haze. "Why...? They were kissing."

"He said Zayn kissed him," Louis said with a sigh. "He stopped it and Zayn left."

"Oh..." Niall just withered. "I need a bath."

Harry stroked Niall's arm. "Let's go back to yours, Louis," he said. Louis nodded and pulled out of the parking lot. He could always get drunk on his own stuff.

~*~

It was Sunday and Zayn was confused and frustrated. After the rather embarrassing incident at the White Ball, he'd waited for Liam to call him, because well, that's what Liam did. He might or might not have stared at his phone for the whole day, but nothing came until Zayn was forced to send a text. He got no answer. So he sent another and when that one received no reply, he called Liam but all he got was his voicemail. He was now sitting on the windowsill of his room, smoking and trying to figure out if he'd really freaked Liam out that much by kissing him.

The text alert for Zayn's phone sounded. It wasn't Liam, it was Niall. The text was straight forward. 'I would really appreciate it if you would set aside some time tomorrow night to teach me how to tend to the greenhouse. We're falling behind on our orders.'

Zayn jumped when he received the text and he'd almost drawn in a sigh of relief, thinking it was Liam, though the text from Niall and how formal it sounded made his face drop. He sighed softly and typed back. 'Ok. I have time today.' He wanted to apologize to Niall and he still had hope that they'd go back to how they used to be. Also, he needed a distraction and nothing was a better distraction than what he did best---growing weed.

Niall got the text and sighed. He was curled up against Harry and they were watching a movie on Louis' sofa. It would be weird trying to get away from Harry, since he didn't want to tell him he was going to spend time with Zayn. Harry wouldn't understand. 'I can try to be there in 2 hours,' he typed back. 'I can't promise anything.'

'Ok. I'll just go ahead and start. Come whenever you have time.' 

"Who are you texting?" Harry asked nonchalantly without taking his eyes off the screen.

Niall took a deep breath and tucked himself under Harry's chin. "Nobody."

Harry tilted his face and nuzzled into Niall's hair. "Didn't seem like nobody," he said, now more curious to know than before. 

"How can texting seem one way or the other?"

"Your face," Harry said simply and pulled a bit back to study him. "You kept staring at your phone, waiting for a reply."

Niall rolled his eyes. "I have to leave in a couple hours to take care of some business, that's all. Now, shush, movie."

Harry stared at Niall for a couple of seconds. "It was Zayn," he said, lips curling in distaste. "You're going to that shack."

Niall was actually somewhat impressed. "How the hell did you know that?"

"Why else wouldn't you want to tell unless it was that other job," Harry said. "Why would you even want to breathe the same air as him?"

"To make money, Harry," Niall said softly. "From now on, he's just my business partner." He looked up at Harry's face, lit by the flicker of the movie. Then he leaned in and gave Harry a soft, tender kiss on his lips. "Trust me, I would rather be here with you. But we're behind on orders and we'll crumble completely if we don't keep up production. And Zayn can't do that while he's in school."

Harry sighed and pressed a few kisses into Niall's mouth. "You should take over completely," he said with a slight smirk. "Kick him out." He knew that weed business was the last thing tying Niall and Zayn together and Harry was ready to do anything to cut that last tie over.

Niall smirked at him. "That's not gonna happen. But thanks for the vote of confidence." He stroked Harry's cheek gently and nuzzled him before turning back to the film.

~*~

Niall was late to the greenhouse. Harry was hard to leave, but Niall had managed to pry himself away, as much as he wanted to stay, as much as he wanted to never see Zayn again. Still, he owed this to himself, to Louis, to the friendship he and Zayn had once shared. When he slunk into the greenhouse, he didn't look terribly happy about it.

Zayn had been in the greenhouse for a couple of hours when Niall showed up, succeeding in concentrating on his plants rather than checking his phone obsessively for any reply from Liam. He was busy tending to the plants with his earphones on, humming along to the song and not noticing when Niall arrived.

Niall stared at him for a second. It was a struggle to force down all the pain, all the longing, all the shame, all the betrayal. He closed his eyes and reminded himself that he was here for business only and that afterward, he would go back to Louis', curl up in his bed with him, and sleep. When he opened his eyes, he fortified himself and barked, "Hey!"

Zayn startled and looked up wide-eyed. When he saw it was Niall, he smiled and pulled his earphones off. "Hey," he said. "I didn't think you'd show up."

"Yeah. So, take me through it," Niall said, wanting this over with fast.

Zayn raised a brow. "Ok, but I think I'll just have you observe today. We can't afford to waste anything." He tilted his head, signaling for Niall to come closer.

Niall came close. "Fine," he huffed, hunkering in his hoodie. "Just tell me what you're doing."

The obvious 'I don't want to be here, but I have to' vibes were throwing Zayn off, but he forced himself to ignore it and began talking as he went through the planting process and as he talked through the steps, he made sure to ask Niall if he was following or not.

Niall followed him like a stony shadow, nodding at the appropriate times and saying 'yes' every time Zayn checked to see if he understood. It was after about an hour, though, that Niall began to thaw. Not much, but he would come a bit closer to Zayn, lean in over his shoulder and the look of complete defensiveness fell from his face. It was clear he was into this -- the gardening made him happy and made him forget his hurts. When Zayn let him try things, he almost lit up. He moved deftly, although he would stop at times, uncertain of what to do next and look to Zayn for guidance.

Zayn was patient and supportive and helped Niall through everything, gently correcting him, reminding him that the amount of light determined 90% of the yield and he truly managed to forget about his crippling friendship with Liam and his dead one with Niall as gardening consumed him. "We should take a break," Zayn said after another hour rolled by. "I brought food. Wanna share?" 

"Uh... No," Niall said, seeming to snap out of it. "Is that all I need to know? Or can I leave?"

Zayn was hurt that Niall seemed in such a rush, but he didn't show it and shrugged. "That's not all, but it's enough for today," he said and walked over to the couch, dropping down on it and lighting a cigarette. "You can go."

What Niall hated most was that Zayn didn't seem in half so much pain as he was about this whole thing. He was beginning to suspect that Zayn had never cared about him all along. 

Zayn looked after him and sighed softly. Now that he was gone, nothing could distract him from the fact that Liam was ignoring his texts and calls. It made Zayn annoyed and he called him, jaw clenching when it went straight to voicemail and instead of hanging up, he left a message. "Hey...are you really ignoring me because I kissed you? I was drunk and I'm fucking sorry. Just..." Zayn sighed, "Just man up and take my calls."

About thirty minutes later, a text came in from Liam: 'Let me pick you up for school tomorrow. We need to talk.'

That made Zayn wary and a whole lot of nervous. He couldn't believe Liam was making such a big deal out of a little, drunk kiss. 'Ok.' He texted back and he had a feeling he wasn't going to get much sleep tonight.

~*~

Liam arrived having not slept the whole night, looking like there was an elephant on his chest. He texted Zayn, 'out front,' and wished the earth swallowed him whole.

Zayn come out of the house, freshly showered and looking bored and half-asleep despite the nerves. He slipped into Liam's car and looked up at him. His stomach tightened a bit when he saw the expression on Liam's face. "What's up?"

"Hey," Liam said darkly. "Um... Let's--" He wasn't ready to dive into it head first. "Sorry about avoiding your calls." He pulled out onto the road and went slowly.

Liam's usual open and warm air was anything but this morning and Zayn shifted, uncomfortable. "Yeah...look, if this is about the kiss," he said, feeling awkward. "I'm sorry about that. I was drunk and it won't happen again."

"No, I know," Liam confirmed. "I know you wouldn't; I know it didn't mean anything. I mean I know that, I do. The problem... The problem is Louis saw. I don't know if he saw or if someone who saw told him... But he knows." Liam didn't have to say what that meant.

Zayn stared at Liam. "And?" he asked, a ball of dread curling in his stomach. "You told him it was just me, didn't you? What is the problem?"

"He doesn't believe me." He winced and sighed. "He doesn’t trust... He doesn't trust that we aren't going to hook up. He just... He doesn't want us to be friends anymore."

Zayn paled a bit. He could tell where this conversation was going and he was unable to believe it. "So what? Don't...don't fucking tell me he has a say in who you're friends with."

"He does right now," Liam said softly. "It won't last forever. I promise, when he learns to trust me again, when we're together I know he'll get over it, he'll see. Zayn, this is just for right now."

Zayn's jaw clenched tightly. "Are you saying we can't be friends anymore?" he said, voice tense.

"For now," Liam said, trying to soften the blow.

That felt like a punch to the stomach and it showed on Zayn's face the few moments it took before his eyes darkened. "I never thought you were so fucking spineless," he said coldly. "I knew he had you whipped, but this is just pathetic. I thought too highly of you, I guess," he scoffed and shook his head. "Fuck you. Stop the fucking car."

Liam did, but when he pulled over, he took hold of Zayn's arm in a vice grip. "You don't understand, Zayn. You've never loved someone like I do. I don't know what's going on with you, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do to make things work! I'm not walking away from him; I'm not giving up on him! You know, I sit here and look at you and I'm fucking stunned at how you're letting Niall just slip away from you without doing anything. You're making a mistake, Zayn! You're making a damn mistake and it's all because -- I dunno -- you're trying to be cool or whatever! Cut it out! Sometimes you have to fight like a rabid dog for what you want and that's what I'm going to do!"

Zayn roughly tugged his arm out of Liam's grip and pushed at his shoulder, pissed. "I'm not in love with him!" he snapped. "And I'm fucking sick and tired of everyone telling me what I feel and what I should feel! I wish, I fucking wish I was in love with him, because I really care about him and I would never do anything to hurt him, but I'm not, and I'm sick of feeling so guilty because of it!" 

"Fine! Fine, you're not in love with him! That's not the point!" Liam threw up his hands. "The point is that you have to make sacrifices... And it's not forever, Zayn. I'm not going to stop caring about you. You're my best friend."

Zayn wanted to strangle him. He wanted to punch his pretty face. "No," he said, positively seething. "You don't know what it means to be best friends, you spineless wimp. I take everything back I ever said about you being a good friend. Best friends always put each other first." He swung the door open and jumped out. "Go fuck yourself." He slammed the door shut.

~*~

When Zayn arrived at the greenhouse, it was unlike he'd ever seen it. The broken tiles from the floor had been cleaned up. The rotted old tables were replaced with sturdy metal ones. The rafters in the ceiling had been reinforced with metal and from those rafters hung solar lights. The cobwebs were gone, the floor was clean, the windows were clear. It was evident that Niall had spent the entire day in here, working like a madman. The ratty, disgusting sofa on which Zayn and Liam had tried to make out was now gone and in its place a cushy, plush, new one. On that sofa was Niall, absolutely filthy, his clothing torn, but a smile on his face as he giggled at his phone -- he was chatting with Harry.

Zayn was torn up about Liam, so angry and so hurt that Liam could dismiss their friendship like that and God, he hated Louis with every fiber of his being. He hated Liam more. The sight that met him when he entered the greenhouse made him look around with wide-eyed awe, impressed. He never thought the greenhouse could look this clean and organized. He looked towards Niall and gave a small wave, smiling, "This is awesome," he said, looking around again. "You did a really, fucking fantastic job."

Niall's smile faded when he looked up and saw Zayn. The color left his face and he immediately looked tired. He tapped a few things on his phone -- presumably a farewell -- and rose. "I should probably go," he said. He noticed Zayn didn't look that great, but he just shifted his eyes to the side.

That stung. Nobody seemed to want to be around him lately and it was hurting him more than he was willing to admit or show. "What do I need to do?" he said and stared at Niall, exhausted. "Just...I'm sorry. Tell me what I need to do to make it alright again."

"Um..." Niall stopped. He looked around the room and was quiet. When he spoke again it was abrupt. "I'm going to come back tomorrow. I bought some new windows because this place isn't insulated, so I'm going to knock out the broken windows and put in new ones. Also, Louis' figured out who actually owns this property and we're going to buy it, so... y'know, it's actually ours. Legally."

Zayn's jaw clenched at the mentioning of Louis and he wanted to break something. His hands balled up for a few seconds, before he forced himself to calm down. "Ok," he said reluctantly. "Are you going to actually talk to me anytime soon? I don't know what you want me to say or do."

"Well," Niall continued, on that same, extremely practical note, "I haven't done anything for the plants today, I mostly just fixed up the building. I'll probably do the same thing tomorrow, and Wednesday. I'm going to try to bring in temperature control. So, y'know, if you could come in after school and look after the plants, that would be great..." He stood still and gave it considerable thought. "I guess, I mean... Maybe you could give me some plant lessons... after school. I'm just exhausted today."

Zayn barely listened and he walked up to Niall, frustrated, stopping up close in front of him. "Talk to me," he said, almost pleadingly. "Please, just...tell me what you want me to do."

"I just did," Niall said. "Come and take care of the plants."

Zayn stepped back and shook his head, feeling unwanted and he wondered if this is what Niall felt, and Zayn deserved to have a taste. "I don't feel like it," he said flatly.

"What?" Niall snapped, coming back to life a little bit.

Zayn looked at him, defiantly. "I don't feel like it," he said more clearly.

"'Why? Just to stick it to me? Because you're angry at me? What did I do to you, Zayn?"

"What did I do to you?" Zayn asked. "I never did anything wrong."

Niall snorted at him. "So, you're going to punish me by destroying our business?"

Zayn closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "It hasn't been 'ours' for a while now and you know it," he said. "I don't want Louis to be a part of it anymore. I'll pay back whatever money he put in."

"You can't pay it back, Zayn," Niall said softly. "And even if you could, that doesn't mean he'd be willing to sell it." He huffed heavily. "Zayn, this is still more yours than it is mine or Louis'. Without you we have nothing and I know that and Louis knows that. It isn't 'ours'. It's yours."

"It doesn't feel like it's mine," Zayn said, frustrated. "It feels like some insecure, control-freak of a rich kid swooped in and 'saved us' or some shit. We could have done fine without him. I don't feel as motivated as I used to because of that dick. I want him out. I don't fucking care how long it'll take me to pay him back."

"You just hate Louis, Zayn. You're not thinking about it reasonably, like a businessman. I can deal with Louis, you don't have to even see him. Dude, we're getting electricity in here. We're getting lights that are gonna make your plants amazing and grow twice as fast. Don't worry about Louis, forget about him! It doesn't have to be personal!"

It got personal the minute he turned Liam against him and Zayn wanted every fucking rich kid out of his life. "Yeah, well, I'm just not professional enough, I guess," he said with a shrug. "Yes. It's personal. Yes, I fucking despise him and I can't live with the fact that he has anything to do with something we built up from scratch. Either he goes or I do."

Niall stared at him, his face hollow. "Do you hate me that much?"

Zayn didn't have patience for that and he grabbed Niall's collar and pulled him close, looking him fiercely in the eyes. "I don't hate you, Niall, get that through your thick skull. I hate Louis and I need him and every other shitty rich kid out of my life. Do you understand that?"

"If this operation crumbles, I'm going to be stuck with Ray Styles giving it to me up the ass for the rest of my life. Do you understand that?"

Zayn faltered. He released Niall and looked down, letting out a deep sigh. "Ok," he said after a moment and looked up at Niall. "I'm only doing this for you. Just do me a favor and keep Louis away from me." He walked passed him and shed his jacket, readying to work on the plants.

"Thank you," Niall said, his voice ringing with sincerity. He watched Zayn work, just standing where he had stopped. He looked just like the boy Niall had fallen in love with, not the one he'd grown to hate. He felt that agony in his heart and tried to bear with it for a few moments.

"Go home and rest," Zayn said quietly. He'd gotten the message loud and clear. Niall didn't want to talk this out, he didn't want to try and fix it and Zayn didn't know what more he could do other than work on the plants for the sake of the friendship that used to be, even though he didn't feel the love and motivation for gardening as he used to. He just felt alone. 

"Your plants are beautiful," he said simply. "You're an amazing gardener." Niall folded his lips on themselves, then trudged for the door.

~*~

Niall came home and, to his relief, Harry wasn't there. He needed some Louis time. The boy was doing homework on his bed and Niall crawled up on top of him into a whole body hug and groaned.

"You stink of dust and dirt!" Louis said with a giggle and hugged Niall back. "How did it go?"

"Rotten. Zayn showed up and tried to quit."

"What? He can't fucking quit. Why is he so troublesome?"

"Because he... He doesn't like rich kids," he said, soft handing it. "He says he wants all rich kids out of his life."

Louis shifted. He had a feeling this had to do with Liam and what Louis had made him do. "Oh...it's because of me," he said and swallowed down the guilt. "I guess he just has to suck it up."

Niall had had that thought. "I think that burned him really, really badly." He played with the button on Louis' shirt. "But I guess that shows you... Liam's... well... Fucker's making an effort."

Louis sighed softly and rested his face in Niall's neck for a few moments. "He is," he said with a soft smile. "It's just...God, it's hard to mend broken trust."

"I know. Zayn reached out to me tonight and I just... I shut him down."

"You're not ready," Louis said softly. "Neither am I."

"I have to take a shower. Come talk to me," Niall said, getting out of the bed and stripping down as he went to the bathroom. "I know you don't talk to Zayn a lot, but... whatever you do want to say to him from now on, should come through me."

Louis hopped after Niall, happy for a distraction from his homework. "Fine by me," he said with a shrug and followed Niall into the bathroom. "It's not like I'm dying to talk to him."

"Yeah... And, uh... Can I ask you something?" Niall asked, as he stepped into the shower. "I was wondering, I mean -- I don't want to presume or be... y'know, out of place or whatever, but would it be alright if I moved in with you? Like, for real? I went by my apartment and saw my mom's car."

"Of course!" Louis said, beaming. "Fuck yeah! This place is big enough for the both of us and you've practically been living here the past couple of weeks."

"K," Niall laughed, feeling the weight lift a little. He didn't mention sleeping arrangements -- he had been sharing a bed with Louis every night and frankly didn't want to stop or make an issue of it until Harry made it one; which he might not do anyway.

Louis grinned. "We'll have so much fun," he said with a mischievous little smile. "Let's cook something tonight and be really domestic!"

Niall laughed. "Alright! Let me get clean and I'll meet you in the kitchen!" He cleaned himself fervently, even though he took several moments to enjoy the warmth. His life was certainly taking a turn for the better, but all the same, there was a painful Zayn-shaped hole in his happiness. He came downstairs, dressed in Louis' clothes, his hair tousled, but warm and rosy. "What are you thinking?"

Louis was perched on the counter, flipping through a cook-book. "I got this from my mother even though she knows I can't cook anything for the life of me," Louis said with a laugh. "Harry and I nearly burned the whole building to the ground when I first got the apartment."

Niall laughed and came up to peer over his shoulder. "You don't think Harry'll mind, do you? Us making it official?"

"He might," Louis said, looking up and blinking. "He fucking will. Shit, you need to talk to him about it before he comes for my throat."

Niall rolled his eyes. "He's not that jealous. I mean, we don't have to tell him, it's not like I haven't been shacking up here forever anyway."

Louis looked uncertain. "He'll find out either way. He has to be ok with it, Niall. Just tell him."

Niall rolled his eyes even harder. "He’s so high maintenance!" He dropped back from the counter and started slugging his way into the living room. "I'll call him, you start burning the house down." He dialed Harry's number and flung himself on the sofa.

"Get ready to dial 911!" Louis shouted back, laughing. 

Harry took the phone on the second ring. "Hello, love," he drawled.

"Hey, baby," Niall grinned. "So, there's been a development, I just want to keep you in the loop. It looks like my mom's back and Louis and I decided it would be best if I just moved in with him for real." He tried to play it off super-casual-not-a-big-deal.

Harry grew silent for a few tense moments. "That's not happening," he said simply. "Was there anything else?"

Niall rolled his eyes so hard, he actually rolled around on the sofa. "Harry, this isn't a big deal. It just means I'm going to be able to put my own clothes on when I get out of the shower. Nothing's really changing."

"You wouldn't call me if you thought nothing was changing," Harry said dryly. "Where are you sleeping? In his bed? With your dick up his ass?" 

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Harry! I called you so that when you found out you wouldn't accuse me of hiding it from you! I knew you were going to get like this -- you can be completely unreasonable, you know!"

"I'll rent a flat for you."

"No, Harry," Niall said. "You're just going to have to trust me."

Harry was silent for a few moments, "I don't trust you," he said simply. "Sleep downstairs. On the couch."

Niall groaned. "Harry... If you don't trust me, maybe it's best if we're just friends. I don't take kindly to being ordered around over silly stuff. If Louis and I were going to be together, we would have been long before now. Ok?"

Harry’s voice was small and tight when he spoke again. "Alright. Do whatever you want.”

"Harry," Niall said, wishing the boy would just be reasonable for once. "You're my baby, alright? You don't have to be worried. Nothing's changed."

Harry felt like a fool when his heart warmed up at that. "I'll come over later," he said. "Haven’t seen you for far too long."

"You saw me yesterday," Niall laughed, charmed. "But yeah, come over! Louis and I are cooking. We'll feed you."

"Feed me your dick," Harry said with a grin.

"You're welcome to my dick whenever you want, sweet cheeks," Niall beamed at the ceiling, missing Harry’s face. "Now get your sweet ass over here."

Niall hung up the phone and chuckled to himself, pleased with how that turned out. He looked over at Louis, who he knew had heard the whole thing and shook his phone at him. "That's how Liam should talk to you, you know. He's a pussy, ditch him."

Louis rolled his eyes and smirked. "We can't all have a Niall Horan," he laughed and kissed Niall's nose. "Liam was good to me, y'know? If I ignore the part where he didn't want to be seen with me in public, but now he's changed that." Louis sighed and looked into the distance for a few minutes before he snapped back and grinned at Niall. "So, let's cook!"

When Harry dropped by Louis' apartment, the air smelt of bacon and Louis and Niall were sprawled on the couch --too close together if Harry might say-- laughing over their less-than-appealing looking concoction. "You seem to be enjoying yourself," Harry drawled as he strolled into the living room, handsome as ever. 

Niall beamed up at him. "Hey, beautiful! We charred the bacon! Again! We got to talking and completely forgot we’d left the meat on!'"

"I'm not surprised. He can't heat up water without causing an accident," Harry said with a roll of his eyes and flipped his hair out of his face. 

"Hey! You're no better, Harold!" Louis cawed and pointed a finger at him. 

Harry dropped down on the couch next to Niall and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close so he could kiss him. 

Niall curled against him. "Hungry?" he asked. "Let me get you something..." He kissed across Harry's mouth before getting up and going to the kitchen to make him a plate.

Harry looked after him with heart-eyes that made Louis snort and nearly choke on the cured meat. Harry turned to look at Louis with a raised brow. "What?" 

"Those eyeballs in your head," Louis said. "They're all... gooey and drippy and... schmoopy."

Harry rolled his eyes and leaned in close to Louis. "Who's idea was it that he moved in here, huh, Louis?" He asked, still extremely displeased with the arrangement. "Your lonely ass?"

Louis eyebrow went up at him. "No," he said simply. "It was his. He asked me while he was eyeing up my bum."

Harry's lips curled up in a forced smile. He glanced over at the kitchen where Niall was busy and slid closer to Louis. "Here's the thing, Louis," he said, his voice going dark. "If you even think of touching what's mine, I will destroy you." He smiled. "Do you understand?"

Louis stared at him. "Styles... You do not sound like yourself. You know, usually you're throwing people at me, trying to get them off you."

Harry sat a little back. He knew he didn't sound like himself; he thought he sounded a bit crazy too. "Blame Niall," he said simply. "But seriously. I will kill you if you don't stay in your lane."

Louis snorted at him. "Get a hold of yourself, Harry. You sound insecure."

Harry glared at him. "Just like you are?" He shot back, referring to Liam.

Louis sat up, ready to fire back, but Niall appeared. He flopped down between them with a full plate for Harry, chirping, "Boys! Boys! Don't fight!" He put the plate in Harry's lap and kissed his cheek. "Enjoy, love!" Then he reached over and gave Louis a loving poke in the tummy.

Harry sat back with a last scowl at Louis and took a bite of his food. He wasn't insecure; he was just making sure Louis knew what to touch and what not to touch. That was all. He didn't get insecure. He made himself more comfortable on the couch, leaning back against the arm rest and swinging his legs over Niall's lap. "How did it go today?" he asked Niall.

Niall shrugged. "Alright. Got a lot of work done in the greenhouse. It's really beautiful. You should come see it when I'm done with it." 

"Can I come see it?" Louis asked with a smirk. 

Niall smirked back at him. "Of course. It's yours."

Harry rolled his eyes hard. "Are you guys concerned about being caught at all?" he asked. "It's not like that one over there has anything to worry about, his filthy lawyer daddy will get him out of anything," he said and pointed at Louis.

"We're going to buy the property," Niall said. "No one is going to ask any questions. We just have to be careful who we sell to."

"How can you know if whatever person isn't an undercover cop?" Harry said. "I read this story a couple of weeks ago about some high school kid who ran a drug ring. He churned out three million in three years and got busted by an undercover cop. Fortunately for him it was three weeks before he turned eighteen."

Niall turned to look at him. "Harold. Are you trying to discourage me from my chosen profession?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm not very eager to have a prison boyfriend, that's all."

Niall mock glowered at him. "Well. Louis believes I should follow my heart, don't you, Louis?" 

"Absolutely," the other boy grinned.

Harry didn't say anything to that for a few moments, just looked silently at Niall. "Just trying to look out for you," he said. He was. He was also trying to get him as far away from Zayn as possible. 

"I can look out for myself, baby," he said, trying not to sound irritated. "I was doing it long before you came along."

"Not on at a similar scale," Harry said, but he could feel that the conversation wasn't turning in the direction he liked, so he changed it. "The school break is next week. What are your plans?"

Niall snorted. "I don't have plans. Isn't that when you two are secreting away together?"

"It is," Harry said and glanced at Louis. "I'm sure we'd both like you to come along."

Niall looked between them both. "Uh... Are you two going to lure me into a lurid week of group sex and snuggles?"

"I'm totally game for that!" Louis said and eagerly raised his hand in the air. Harry gave him a dead-pan look. "No," he said simply. 

Louis’ face fell and he pouted. "Oh, come on, Haz! Don't be like that. If Niall comes along then I need to be assured I won't be a third-wheel!"

"C'mon, Harry," Niall said softly. "It was fun last time, wasn't it?" It was before they were official, of course, but it had been a blast with the three of them.

Harry turned to stare at Niall. "If it's an open relationship you want, then fucking tell me," he said a bit harshly. 

Niall's jaw fell a little bit. "Well, I mean -- No! But... It's just Louis, Harry... He's, like, one of us!"

"Yeah! I'm one of--" The glare Harry shot Louis silenced him. Harry turned back to Niall and he was once again reminded that Niall didn't feel for him what he felt for him. He pulled his legs off of Niall. "Oh, so you want exceptions? Fine, I'll bring in my own exception then."

"W-What?"

Harry crossed his arms and looked at Niall with a raised brow. "If you want to fuck Louis, then I can fuck or better, get fucked by whoever I'd like." 

This had escalated into something Louis didn't want to be caught in the middle of and he began slowly to sneak away.

Niall put his plate down. "No. I don't -- I don't want that. I just thought... I mean, he's Louis, Harry. And we'd both be there together, with him. That's different than... Than you just fucking random people."

Harry shook his head. "You don't get it, do you?" he muttered with a frustrated motion. "I don't want you to fuck someone else, even if it's just Louis. Either you're all mine or you aren’t, and if you aren't, then we'll have to redefine this."

Niall stared at him a moment, then dropped his eyes to his plate. "Ok," he said quietly. "Then... forget I said anything."

Harry stared at Niall. "No," he said then, jaw clenching. "Tell me what it is you really want, because we clearly aren't on the same page here." Of course they aren't. Harry was the only one acting like a complete different person. He's the only one who feels like breaking something at the thought of anyone but him touching Niall. He's the only one who feels like this.

"Nothing!" Niall shrugged away with a startled laugh, as if Harry was on the attack. "Look, seriously, just forget I said anything, ok? I just thought -- I mean, we did it before, I thought maybe it was something you were open to! But you're clearly not cool with it, so just; I'm willing to drop it!"

Harry scrutinized Niall for a few moments before he let out a sigh. "Good." He nodded and pushed the plate away, getting to his feet and stretching his limbs. "I should go. Early day tommorow."

Niall watched him closely. He couldn't tell if this was Harry feeling like he'd just won an argument or if he was being petulant. "Stay."

Harry didn't look at Niall, knowing that if he did, he'd curl up on his lap like a cat. "I can't," he said with a slight yawn and reached for his scarf, wrapping it around his neck. "I have to pick up some exchange student from Singapore at the crack of dawn."

"Bullshit, you'll send your chauffer. C'mere." It was a definite command.

Harry clutched his coat and glanced at Niall. He stared at him for about the five seconds it took him to think of how pretty Niall was, before he dropped the coat and curled up next to Niall. "Do you need me for anything?" he purred and kissed his neck.

"Mmhmm," Niall said, pulling him close. "We had a spat and I want to cuddle you..." He pushed his hands under Harry's shirt to stroke his skin.

Harry leaned closer to the touch, nuzzling Niall's neck and he kind of hated how easily Niall could make his stupid heart beat. He barely had to do anything. "I actually do have to pick them up personally," Harry muttered, drawing circles on Niall's thigh. "To make them feel welcome and all that jazz."

Niall put his hand on Harry's hand and rubbed it warmly. He kissed softly over Harry's lips. "Well... If you have to go to bed right away, I'm sure Louis wouldn't mind you crashing here."

Harry turned his palm up so he could intertwine his fingers with Niall's and kissed him back, nibbling gently on his lip. He shifted and draped his thigh over Niall's hips, half-crawling into his lap. "I don't have a proper change of clothes here," he said with a sigh and kissed along Niall's jaw.

"Steal Louis', it's what I do..." Niall nuzzled him. "C'mon. Finish your food and I'll make you a bath and then we can curl up on the sofa together and canoodle until we fall asleep." He kissed the tip of his nose. "Whaddya say?"

Harry smiled, heart warmed and kissed Niall deeply, meaningfully. "Sounds great, love."

Niall knew he had making up to do. He knew Harry was pissed about the whole Louis thing. So, he kissed his love back and skipped up the stairs. Before going to the bathroom, he stuck his head into the bedroom, where Louis had retreated. "Sorry 'bout that," he said softly.

Louis was in front of the mirror and had been in the middle of shamelessly checking out his ass in the new jeans he'd bought. He looked up at Niall and smiled, "No problem. Did things work out alright?"

"Yeah. He's staying the night on the sofa with me. We're going to take a bath first," he shrugged. Then he added, "Your butt looks fun in those." He winked and disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to reach us:
> 
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> 
> Miraal:  
> Kik: @Miraal07


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New tags for this one: Namely... extremely porny porn, orgasm denial/delay, and infidelity.
> 
> Again, many thanks to Ale :)

There were now new windows, a new door, and several other updates to the old green house. When Zayn entered, Niall was asleep on the sofa after an apparently very hard day.

 

Zayn looked around at the improvements and smiled wanly. He'd spent most of his energy in school either avoiding Liam or glaring at the back of Liam's head. It was more exhausting than he'd thought. Zayn looked at Niall for a few moments before he stepped up and cautiously touched his shoulder.

 

Niall awoke softly, with a start, blinking at Zayn in that dopey way Zayn had seen on his face a million times before. "Oh, hey..." He rubbed his eyes, apparently haven partaken of some weed as he worked. "Um... Been here long?"

 

Seeing Niall like that made Zayn feel nostalgic. His heart ached. "No, just came," he said and rubbed his neck, looking around. "The place looks sick. Amazing."

 

"Thanks..." Niall rubbed his entire face, clearly having a hard time waking up. "Ready to give me a lesson?" His sleep-raspy voice made the question sound unintentionally very sexy.

 

Zayn stared at Niall and swallowed a bit. He might not be in love with Niall, but he was definitely attracted to him and the weed seemed to have erased the stony, hostile exterior Niall had built up around himself. "Have you ever head of 'don't smoke your own shit'?" Zayn teased and poked Niall's nose as he used to do in a time that seemed so long ago.

 

Niall flinched a little bit and batted at Zayn's hand. "Jesus. I'm not gonna finish this if you want it." He pulled a half-smoked blunt from his pocket and offered it to Zayn.

 

Zayn snatched the blunt; he could use some. Niall had spread himself all over the couch and normally, Zayn would have just dropped down on top of him, but there hadn't been anything normal in a long time, so he sat down on the arm rest and took a deep drag. "God, I do grow some good shit," he said and indulged in a self-satisfied smirk.

 

"The best," Niall slurred. "I've looked at a few books -- I think we could make some stellar hybrids. You ever grafted one plant onto another?"

 

"Nope," Zayn said and tilted his face, curling his mouth, blowing the smoke out. "I've thought about it. I've wanted to do it for a while; once I was more confident."

 

"You can do it. We can do it -- now." He sat up a little bit. "What are you doing over the break?" He hadn't resolved things with Harry and Louis, but after the upset last night, Niall assumed he was staying here.

 

Zayn had his eyes closed, feeling a lot more relaxed than he had when he'd arrived. God. He loved his own shit. "Family’s going to visit my annoying auntie; y'know, the one with the cousin who keeps trying to get onto me," Zayn said and gestured lazily with a hand, grimacing. "I got to stay with my grandma. Going to work here for the break, I guess. You?"

 

"Staying here, too. Maybe we can experiment, then."

 

"Sounds dirty," Zayn smirked. His face dropped when he realized what he'd said. "Sorry, bro," he muttered and took another drag.

 

Niall pretended not to hear. It was clear by the grit in his voice that he had. "How's Liam?"

 

Zayn's entire posture changed, his body tensed up. He knew that Niall knew that Liam had ended the friendship like it meant nothing to him at all. It probably hadn't. That motherfucker. "Do you really care?" he grumbled.

 

"Yesssss," Niall drawled. "It's why I asked."

 

Zayn lifted his brow at Niall. "Yeah? Well, he's alright." Frankly, Liam looked miserable whenever Zayn caught himself looking at him--which were more times than he'd admit--and it most probably had to do with his unbearable pining for that stupid Tomlinson.

 

"That's not what I hear. What about you?"

 

He was angry at Liam. He was miserable because of Liam. He was low-key waiting for Liam to come and beg for forgiveness at his feet and it was taking longer than Zayn had anticipated. He'd lost both of his best friends to Louis fucking Tomlinson. "Never been better," Zayn said with thick sarcasm and shrugged.

 

Niall eyed him up and down. "Ok. I moved in with Louis."

 

Zayn's left eye twitched, a thing it seemed to do as of late whenever that twat was mentioned. "Oh wow, that's lovely," he said and didn't even bother to look like he meant it.

 

"It is. My mom is back."

 

Zayn turned to look at Niall and ok, Zayn was happy that he wouldn't find Niall with his skull cracked open. He was happy he'd found a place to stay; he was, however, not happy that that place was Louis' flat. "I'm happy for you."

 

"Liar," Niall said, reaching for the blunt. "So, Liam dumped you?"

 

Zayn grumbled, "He can't 'dump' me, he's not my boyfriend."

 

"You just wanted him to be," Niall pointed out, taking a hit.

 

Zayn hadn't expected that. His mouth fell open and he stared at Niall, flustered for a few moments. "What the fuck?"

 

"I saw you kiss him," Niall said casually.

 

Zayn's face heated up a bit. He was not happy to know that. "I was drunk," he said defensively. "It was nothing."

 

"Sure," Niall said, clearly not buying any of it.

 

Zayn was silent for a couple of moments. He was attracted to Liam. He wasn't even going to deny that, but wanting Liam to press him down into a mattress wasn't equivalent to wanting to be his boyfriend. Zayn blinked, a bit confused at his own thoughts. "I don't have to prove anything to you," he grumbled and snatched the blunt out of Niall's fingers.

 

Niall was suddenly angry again. His fists were balled on his knees and his breathing became funny. He saw red and he almost started to sweat. To stop himself from doing something stupid, he pulled out his phone and texted to Harry, 'I'm with Zayn. Going crazy. Plz text me a picture of your nipple.'

 

Zayn could practically see the smoke of fury Niall was giving off and he swallowed. "Chill, Ni," he said and took a drag of his joint. "I know you hate me but you have to tolerate me if you want me to teach how to take care of my babies."

 

A text bipped into Niall's phone the next second. 'What. I'm in the middle of an important meeting. Give me a minute.'

 

That actually made Niall smile a little bit -- Harry. In a meeting. Perfect prey. He texted him again, ‘l think I'd like to fuck your nipples tonight. cum on that keyhole between your collar bones.' To Zayn he said, "Yeah. I set up some pots or whatever. You can show me how to sow new seeds."

 

Zayn sighed deeply. "Fucking hell, what do you want me to do, Niall? Seriously, what? Suck your dick?"

 

'Don't fucking do this, Horan. I'm already half-hard in my jeans and I have to present something in a few min.'

 

Niall couldn't fight with Zayn and sext with Harry at the same time. He used his phone as a defense and gave Zayn a weird look. "Where the hell did that come from, man? We're talking plants."

 

To Harry he texted, ‘I want to tie you up again. Maybe use a vibrator on you til you come. You ever use a vibrator before?’

 

"No idea," Zayn said, voice slow and closed his eyes, sighing softly. "I'm just trying to figure out how to fix things." 

 

'Oh fuck. I want you so badly right now. I'm going to pin you down and ride you till you can't breathe.'

 

‘Maybe I could come over and eat you out under the table until you have to give your speech.’

 

To Zayn he just shrugged and said, "You can’t. Get used to it. Just tell me about the plants..." But his nose was in his phone, eagerly awaiting another text from Harry.

 

'Tell me how the fuck I'm going to stand up in front of my peers, an alumni from Harvard and my principle with a hard-on. I'm going to choke you. On my dick.'

 

Zayn glanced at Niall and let out a defeated sigh. "Give me a few minutes to rest," he said and rubbed the back of his neck.

 

Niall glanced at him as he went over to one of the new chairs Niall had be pleased to find in the local thriftstore. He adjusted himself in his pants, not really caring if Zayn saw what was going on down below. ‘Just remind yourself that your boyfriend will be there to give you a thorough spanking and a long, hard fuck when you're done. That should get you through it.’

 

'Jfc. I'm up in a few moments and it's going to be the most embarrassing day in my existence. Thank you. I'd better find you waiting for me. Naked. See you, love.' 

 

Zayn was a bit lost in his thoughts, a thing he tended to do a lot when he was high and he was thinking of Liam and wondering when the boy was going to realize what a big mistake he made and come crawling back to him. He shook his head and decided it was time to distract himself with gardening. "Alright, I'm ready," he said and looked over at Niall. His eyes widened when he saw what state Niall was in, the phone in his hands and the obvious bulge in his jeans. "Seriously?"

 

Niall shrugged laconically. "I got a sexy boyfriend, sends me sexy texts." He had a stupid smile on his face and he bit his lower lip, wondering if he should go to another room to take care of this predicament.

 

Zayn could do with not being reminded of Harry Style's existence and his role in Niall's life. He knew better than comment on it and just grimaced slightly, pushing himself to his feet. "A time and place for everything, yeah?"

 

Niall tried to get a grip on himself, but all he could think of was that adorable pucker between Harry's legs and how much he wanted to be pushing into it right now. He let out a groan that was supposed to be tension relief but just sounded sexy instead. "Um... Ok. Plants," he said through his clouded mind.

 

Zayn dragged his eyes up and down Niall. "You're distracted," he said with a sigh. "Go out in the back and rub one out. I need your full attention here."

 

Niall didn't waste a second. He skipped out of the room and went to the back yard. He reached in his pants and pulled his cock out and started to stroke, his mind going back to the time Harry was naked, blindfolded, and bound beneath him. He didn't ever know he could be that turned on.

 

Zayn flopped down on the couch and enjoyed its comfiness, spreading himself out on it with a deep sigh. He closed his eyes and waited patiently for Niall to be done, trying not to think too hard of what he was doing. His mind wandered and as usual it went to Liam.

 

He was annoyed that the disloyal fucker had managed to sneak into his head once again. Zayn thought about that stupid night and that stupid kiss and how much he'd thought of the shape and broadness of his shoulders, or that funny birthmark on his neck or on the muscles flexing under his smooth skin. He was half-hard in his jeans before he'd realized he was fantasizing about Liam holding him down. "Fuck," he said, irritated. He should probably get rid of the problem too before Niall came back. Seemed reasonable. He tucked one knee up and reached down.

 

Niall came hard, biting his lip, imagining filling Harry's hole. The problem with Harry was that once you fucked him, you just wanted to fuck him again and again. It was exhausting, the way Harry was never fully out of his system. He pulled up his pants, however, feeling that he was in good shape to continue work. When he walked in and saw Zayn with his cock out, his beautiful bronze hips on display and his legs spread wide, Niall was suddenly not in good shape to continue work again. He stared for a second. He felt fury rise up in him that Zayn wasn't his, and anguish that the boy was probably thinking about someone that wasn't him. Without thinking, he marched over to where Zayn was prone, batted his hand away and slurped his cock down his throat in one smooth, expert motion.

 

Zayn's eyes snapped open with a surprised gasp. "Niall?" He stuttered shocked. "What-Fuck," he choked on his own words when Niall licked up his shaft. Niall's mouth felt better than Zayn remembered and God, he didn't know where to put his hands, didn't want to ruin this, didn't want to remind Niall that he hated him.

 

Niall wasn't sure what he was doing. He'd never heard the term 'hatefuck' before and if he had this whole incident would be a lot less confusing for him. But he sucked Zayn good and hard, wanting to tear a mind-shattering orgasm from him as a form of backwards vengeance.

 

Zayn was close embarrassingly fast. Niall's mouth was and would always be the best thing to ever touch Zayn's dick. He stifled his groans as he didn't want to risk ruining it and as a result chewed his lips to bleeding. When he felt himself tipping over the edge, he grabbed the back of Niall's neck and bucked into his mouth, coming with a deep moan.

 

Niall rode Zayn's orgasm with a graceful ease, swallowing what he had to, but letting most of it spill over Zayn's dick. When he pulled off, he immediately spat his mouthful to the side and ran his hand over his lips. He couldn't lift his head.

 

Zayn was panting and staring at Niall, wary. There was a tension in the air and Zayn didn't know what to say. So he just blurted, "How am I ever going to enjoy a blowjob from anyone else after that?"

 

"You are such a fucking asshole!" Niall snarled, rising abruptly to his feet and gathering his things as fast as he could. He had to get out of there. He couldn't believe he did that. He was filled with such hurt, knowing that Zayn had been his friend, was clearly attracted to him, yet refused to love him.

 

"No, wait." Zayn scrambled to put his junk back into his jeans and got to his feet and blocked Niall's path, staring at him, still slightly out of breath. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that things are the way they are. We can work this out. I care about you, Niall. A lot. I'd put you before anyone else if you let me. You know that. Come on, please don't forget everything we've been through, everything we had together."

 

"Why don't you love me?" Niall asked, tears coming to his eyes and he felt like a child. He felt the way he'd felt when his mother had told him his father had left forever and all Niall wanted to know was what he'd done wrong.

 

Zayn felt the pain in Niall's eyes. It hurt so badly and he hated himself in that moment. He looked down. He looked up and took a risk, gently touching Niall's cheek. "You mean a lot to me," Zayn said softly. "I swear to God, I'd do anything for you, Niall."

 

Niall smacked his hand away harshly and swiftly maneuvered around him. He had to get out of there, so he could cry til his guts came up.

 

Zayn stood back and watched him go. Once he was gone, he punched the wall and winced. He wished he could give Niall what he wanted. He really did.

 

Niall went to the park and chose that as the spot to cry his eyes out. He stayed there a while, long after he'd run empty. He didn't want to go meet Harry, where he knew his guilt would shine in his eyes. But he knew that Harry would probably be at home with Louis, which left him momentarily homeless.

 

~*~

 

His presentation as the president of the Foreign Exchange Program at his school had gone surprisingly well, considering that he'd been half-hard through it and somehow managed to hide it. As soon as the meeting was over, he more or less flew to his car and texted Niall, 'Tell me you're waiting for me at Louis'.'

 

Niall's face was raining when he got that text. He had to keep sniffing the snot back up his nose. 'A bit held up,' he texted vaguely. 'Be there as soon as I can.'

 

Harry groaned, frustrated. 'Now. I need you know. Are you at the greenhouse? I'll come and pick you up,'

 

'No, just hang on, I'll be there.' Niall texted back, willing Harry to have patience for once.

 

Harry wanted to bang his face into the steering wheel. He had never been hornier in his life and he couldn't comprehend why Niall wasn't ready and waiting for him. 'You can't be serious. I can't wait that long.'

 

"Let me get home and take a shower first, then we can play, ok?" He needed time and to wash the taste of Zayn's come out of his mouth.

 

Harry stared at the text with a frown. He could feel that something was wrong. He could feel it in his bones. He called Niall.

 

Niall was still sniffling hard and he knew his voice sounded funny. He did his best to get himself in check when he answered the phone. "Hey, baby..." Nope, he still sounded funny.

 

Harry was silent for a moment. "Are you alright?" He asked concerned. "You sound like you've been crying."

 

"Uhhh..." Niall said, trying to keep things light. "We, um... We got in another fight. No big deal."

 

Harry's jaw clenched. "He made you cry," he said. He was going to destroy Zayn. "Where are you, love? Let me pick you up."

 

He was walking swiftly to the corner store, feeling as if Harry was converging on him this very moment. He went to the beverage case and pulled a Coke from the shelf, knowing the acid would at least get this damn taste out of his mouth. "I'm, um... I'm at the 7-11 on Vermont. I mean, this really isn't that big a deal, Harry... It's... It was different this time."

 

Harry didn't even know what that was supposed to mean. He just wanted to see Niall. "Ok. I'll be there in 10." He hung up and started the car. Within minutes, he pulled up in front of the corner store.

 

Niall had finished half the bottle of Coke and was well satisfied that there wasn't a trace of Zayn in his mouth. He managed to smile for Harry -- not that it was hard; Harry was beautiful and when he was concerned for Niall's wellbeing, he was even more beautiful. Niall opened his arms and held him tightly. "I'm sorry, baby... I'm sorry I didn't come straight home."

 

"It's alright. Are you ok?" He pulled back from the hug and studied Niall, feeling anger swell inside of him when he saw the puffiness and traces of red in Niall's beautiful eyes. He stroked his cheek softly. "Do you want me to kick his ass?"

 

That made Niall laugh. "I'd actually really like to see that. A lot." He leaned in and kissed Harry's lips sweetly before guiding him back to the car. "How did your presentation go?" He felt better with Harry near. He was only now beginning to realize how much he relied on the boy emotionally.

 

Harry chuckled softly. "It went well. The Harvard alumni was more interested in my crotch than what I had to say," Harry said with a roll of his eyes and opened the door for Niall, before climbing in himself. "The old perv was eye-fucking me. I guess I know he'll write me that letter of recommendation."

 

Niall leaned over and stroked a hand up Harry's thigh. "Like you need a letter of recommendation." He kissed Harry's shoulder and nuzzled him as he drove.

 

Harry smirked a bit and put a hand over Niall's on his thigh; it was distracting. "I do actually," he said. "The college I want only offers one spot from each school. I need to be the one from mine. At whatever cost."

 

"Where is it?" Niall asked, tangling his fingers with Harry's. He felt that he very much didn't like the idea of Harry going to school somewhere far away from him. "In state, right?"

 

"No," Harry said and stroked a thumb along Niall's hand. "Oxford. In England."

 

Niall felt a bit thunderstruck by that. He shouldn't, of course. They had only been together a few weeks and he knew they couldn't last anyway, but seeing the end of their relationship, especially after what had happened with Zayn, was particularly hard to bear. "Let's not... Can we not talk about this?" he asked. Harry in England while Niall was here... This was unappealing in so many ways.

 

Harry was feeling the same way. He stopped at a red light and turned to look at Niall. "You can come with me," he said softly, looking Niall deep in the eyes. "Just the two of us. Far away. A new beginning."

 

"To England?" Niall laughed softly. "I can't do that, Harry."

 

Harry smiled softly. "Just...think about it," he said. The lights turned green and he began to drive. "There's still quite some time left."

 

"My sister, Harry," Niall said, simply.

 

Harry knew that. Of course he did. He sighed softly. He didn't want to think of their future together that seemed to be on shaky grounds. "Sorry," he said. "That's was a selfish request."

 

"It's ok." Often, much to his own dismay, Niall had gotten angry at his sister's condition and sometimes that slipped over into anger at her. He knew it wasn't fair, but the things he put himself through to keep her alive seemed too much sometimes. But he loved her, more than anything, and he would continue to do them, despite the sacrifices. "I think I'll go see her tomorrow. I need some time off from Zayn."

 

"Can I come?" Harry asked. "I'd love to meet her."

 

"You have school," Niall said, tugging a lock of his hair. "You have to get good grades to go to your fancy English place."

 

Harry smiled a little and squeezed Niall's hand softly. "Another day then." He glanced at Niall and his smiled widened till a dimple was denting his cheek. "We'll find a way to make it work."

 

"I'm gonna kiss you so hard when this car stops," Niall promised.

 

Harry's heart picked up speed. "Let's go back to my place," he said, driving faster. He didn't want to be interrupted by Louis. He just wanted it to be him and Niall. "My dad is away on a business trip."

 

"Oh," Niall said, a bit surprised. "Ok..." He could never fully relax at the Styles', but he would try for Harry's sake. And, he very much wanted to be alone with Harry, too.

 

Harry couldn't get back home fast enough, he was surprised that he didn't get into an accident. He pulled up in front of the Style residence and grabbed the front of Niall's collar, tugging him into a deep, passionate kiss for a few moments before he pulled away, panting lightly. "My room. Come on."

 

"Ok," Niall said, hurrying after him. In the room, he stripped Harry of his clothing, fumbling to kiss every inch of him that was revealed.

 

Harry fumbled with Niall's pants, eager and impatient to get to his dick. They stumbled onto the bed and Harry pushed him down, crawling on top of him and straddling him. "Going to ride you so hard, love," he purred filthily, pushing his hands into Niall's opened pants and tugging at his cock.

 

Niall reached up and stroked his hands through Harry's curls, adoringly. He pulled him down to kiss him sweetly, reminding himself that they had all night.

 

Harry deepened the kiss all the while trying to get out of his own jeans. He released Niall's mouth and kicked off his jeans before diving down and latching onto Niall's mouth again. "Fuck. I think I'm going to explode if I don't get your dick inside me soon." He reached for the drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube.

 

Niall had been aching to finger Harry all day. "Let me," he gasped, coating his fingers and reaching between Harry's thighs to push inside him with two fingers. He watched Harry's face as he opened him abruptly.

 

Harry gasped, head dropping and curls tumbling over his face. His back curled and he pushed back against Niall's fingers. "I've been thinking about this all day," he purred, kissing Niall's mouth.

 

"Yeah?" Niall cooed. "Getting hard in school thinking about me?" He worked his fingers slowly, enjoying the grip of Harry's body, loving the way this dominating predator had become his sweet, needy pet.

 

Harry moaned happily, feeling up and down Niall's chest, kissing him sloppily on the neck. "Yes," he panted. "I think of you all the time. All the fucking time. I swear, I rarely think of anything else." And it wasn't just sexual fantasies. He'd catch himself thinking about Niall's smile or his laugh or how stubborn he was or what he was doing feeling this way about this unstable kid.

 

Niall pushed a third finger into Harry's body and found himself wondering how far he could push this beautiful boy. "Maybe we could do some shopping, Harry... get you some toys..."

 

Harry cock hardened at the thought. "Yes," he mewled. "What are your kinks, love?"

 

"Maybe get you a plug, sweetie... So when you're lonely in school, you can squeeze down and think of me... And I'd love to see you mewling around a vibrator..." He pulled his fingers from Harry's body and held his cock straight up so Harry could sit on it.

 

That made Harry's whole body engulf in fire and he groaned, lifting himself up and aligning his hungry hole with Niall's cock. He sunk down on it, taking it in inch by inch and whining the whole way until he was seated in Niall's lap, his dick lodged deep inside of him. "Ohhh," Harry closed his eyes, feeling so blissfully full.

 

Niall was panting hard, although he began rolling his hips almost immediately, so hungry for that hot, wet heat of Harry's body. "You like that idea, baby?"

 

"Yes. God yes," he gasped softly and began to roll his hips, lifting himself a bit up only to drop back down. The stretch was delicious and Harry's face was flushed with pleasure. "I'm up for anything you'd like to try."

 

Niall groaned and pulled him closer, kissing him. "Jesus, how did I get so lucky with you? You're fucking perfect." He was -- truly, he was a dream come true; certainly beyond anything Niall deserved.

 

Harry smiled, warmed to the core. "I'm yours. You can do whatever you want with me." He kissed him softly and pulled back to give him a dirty smile. "I'd do anything."

 

"Jesus..." Niall's mind nearly fractured with all the dirty thoughts that went blazing through it. "Yes..." He started thrashing his hips up hard. "You're mine... You're mine... I'm gonna make you come so hard," he panted. "I'm gonna give you a bellyfull of come, then fuck you again..."

 

Harry collapsed against Niall's chest within seconds of that, whining and moaning and just lifting his hips up so Niall could thrust up. His cock was trapped between their bodies, throbbing. "I'm yours, all yours, yours, yours," Harry chanted, cock scrambling his brains and kissed Niall's lips messily. "I'd do anything for you. Absolutely anything. I'd let you do anything to me."

 

Niall took him by the neck and flung him over onto his back. He spread his knees wide. "Hold yourself open," and popped his cock back into Harry's body. Right now he wanted to fuck him hard -- really hard, so he wouldn't walk for days. "Don't come... don't come, Harry..."

 

All the feelings were overwhelming, the pleasure and lust tangled with something deeper, stronger. Harry felt like he could barely breathe. He clung to Niall, his hands gripping his bottom open, trying to find enough concentration to kiss his love. "I'm so close, I'm so close," he gasped and flung his head back against the pillow, his cock leaking messily against his tummy.

 

"Don't come... Don't come, baby... Hold off..." He reached down and gently pulled the boy's balls away from his body. He fucked into Harry as hard as he could and felt his orgasm unleash. He lodged himself deep within Harry's canal and came hard, filling Harry with his come.

 

Harry choked on his own breath when Niall's hot seed filled him up, whining at the orgasm that was denied him. "Can I come?" he asked, panting harshly, wide-eyed and wrecked.

 

Niall was catching his breath. "Not yet, baby..." he panted, kissing his forehead and his eyebrows. "Not yet... I need you to do something for me first..."

 

Harry moaned, displeased. "What?" He asked and held himself back from reaching for his cock, a few strokes would be enough.

 

"Do you have a dildo here? A vibrator, a butt plug, anything?"

 

Harry shook his head. "No," he panted, "I haven't really played with my ass before you, remember?"

 

Niall smiled. "Good boy," he said softly, giving Harry a sweet kiss and gently pushing two fingers into his tender, aching hole. "So, I need you to get dressed and go to that little sex shop on the corner of Howard and 6th..." As he spoke, he gently fingered his lover, keeping him open and horny. "And pick out the biggest, prettiest dildo you can find and bring it back to me. Can you do that?"

 

A fire was licking up Harry's skin and he was trembling slightly. "What?" he said with a soft gasp. "Now? Like this?"

 

"Yep. Go to the sex store horny and full of come... But don't let anyone touch you. Understand?"

 

Harry groaned and clenched around Niall's finger. "You've lost your mind," he said with a soft gasp. "I'll be molested if I go to a place like that, looking like this."

 

"Want me to come with you?" Niall asked, nuzzling his lips, curling his fingers into Harry's nub.

 

Harry keened low in his throat and arched his back, digging his fingernails into Niall's back. "You'll protect me from the dirty, old pervs?" He asked and mocked an expression of wide-eyed innocence.

 

"Yes, baby..." he cooed and leaned down to kiss him, working his fingers harder in Harry's body.

 

"Let me come and we'll do it after," Harry said against Niall's wonderful mouth. He snuck a hand down, desperate to touch his cock and get off.

 

"No..." Niall said patiently, smacking his hand away. "I want to keep you horny and desperate." He pulled his fingers free and gave Harry a little pat on the butt. "Go get dressed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers! (especially my dear -A), I apologize for not replying to your comments, but it seems there's a technical glitch, that does not allow me to post my replies. This is a real shame because at least two of them were really quite witty. I mean, you're going to have to take my word for it, but they were.
> 
> They were also packed with well-wishing for my icky sickle -A, and included a sure-fire recipie to clear up any flue symptoms (I mean, really, blast them out of your body). It is as follows: lemon juice, cayenne pepper (very little, according to your spice threshold), tumeric, garlic, and ginger all blended together.
> 
> I hope AO3 corrects this little glitch, but until then, I will leave you clumsy thank you notes here :) That said: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!! I am so grateful to you all and can't wait until I can converse with you properly again!
> 
> I've made my Tumblr open, so you don't have to be logged in to Tumblr to reach me there. (At least I think I did -- no tech whiz, me) 
> 
> How to reach us:
> 
> GV:  
> Tumblr: https://gvbutterworth.tumblr.com/
> 
> Miraal:  
> Kik: @Miraal07


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! So, that last chapter prompted some pretty fervent responses... I'm so curious to see how this one strikes you :)

 

It was hard to walk properly when you just got your ass fucked and your hard dick was strangled in your tight jeans. Harry was practically hanging on Niall, eagerly groping him everywhere he could reach, so hungry and horny for him. Downstairs, they ran into the house maid who stopped up and looked shocked from Niall to Harry.

 

"Um.. Hello," Niall said softly, pretending nothing was weird and hurrying Harry out the door. "C'mon, sweets..." He opened the car door for Harry and tucked him into the passenger seat before tenderly buckling him in.

 

Harry waited until Niall had hurried around the car and into the driver’s seat before chuckling softly, "I don't know why she looked so shocked. It's not like it's the first time she's seen me getting inappropriate with the help."

 

"How many sexual partners have you had, Harry?" Niall asked, pulling out, and starting off.

 

"Do you really want to know?" Harry asked with a raised brow.

 

Niall thought about that a little bit, then he shrugged. "Yeah. Tell me."

 

Harry pursed his lips and thought about it. "One night stands or lovers?"

 

"Sexual partners," Niall said. "People you've fucked."

 

"A lot," Harry said with a sigh as if the thought of all the people he'd been with exhausted him. "Last year, I'd have so many different girls home that my mom genuinely thought I had a problem. She forced me to go to therapy." Harry rolled his eyes.

 

"For sex addiction?" Niall asked, shocked.

 

"Yeah, something like that," Harry shrugged as if it was no big deal. "It was a bit bad for a couple of months."

 

Niall glanced at him. "Are you... a sex addict?" He did wonder what that would mean for their relationship -- and why Harry was so reluctant to have an open one.

 

Harry laughed at that. He shook his head. "No. I was just going through a rough spot in my life." He looked at Niall, amused. "So, I look a sex addict to you?"

 

"Yes," Niall smirked at him. Harry looked like he should be a bath boy in an ancient Roman pleasure spa.

 

Harry smirked back. "The only thing I'm addicted to is you. Your cock specifically," he said with a dirty smirk. "I don't really need the rest of you. Just your cock."

 

"Don't say that. After we buy you a dildo, you won't need me at all."

 

Harry spreads his legs a little wide, his hand on his thigh, itching to touch himself. "Do you actually want me to go inside that shop? Looking like this?"

 

Niall took his hand and kissed the back of it. "Yes. I want to buy you toys when you're horny. Besides, anyone tries to mess with you... I can fight 'em off."

 

"Love it when you're all protective. Makes me feel special and it also makes my dick hard," Harry said with a dazed smile, turning his body so he could stare at Niall. "And I don't mind going in. I like people watching me, wanting me, but knowing they can't touch."

 

"You would," Niall said, reaching over and stroking his thumb over the boy's beautiful lips. "I would protect you, you know. If anyone tried to touch you, I'd tear 'em apart."

 

"Likewise," Harry said and licked at Niall's thumb.

 

Niall smiled and pulled into the lot of the upscale sex shop. "Ever been in one of these before?"

 

Harry looked up at the shop, thrilled. "No," he said and got out of the car, his appearance immediately earning him second looks from bypassers. "Have you?"

 

"Yes," Niall said, coming around the car to take Harry's hand protectively. "You're going to love it." He took him inside and sure enough, there were toys everywhere. Niall immediately saw where the dildos were kept, but let Harry explore if he wanted to.

 

Harry looked around curiously and he felt like a child in a toy store. He stumbled along an isle with butt plugs and picked up a sparkly one, amused.

 

Niall couldn't help but fold his arms around Harry's hips and examine it with him. "That one's pretty... Maybe in a smaller size..." Then he leaned in and whispered into Harry's ear, "Don't want you getting too loose, you know..."

 

Harry trembled just slightly and leaned back against Niall, pressing his bum to Niall's crotch. "Why not? You'll have more room to move in," Harry said, chuckling softly. He looked up and saw a grotesquely huge dildo. "Jesus, who the fuck can use something like that?"

 

Niall grinned, then found a pretty forest green plug that was slender, but definitely heavy enough that Harry would feel it. "What about something like this? Think you could squeeze down on that when you're thinking of me in class?"

 

Harry took it and inspected it. "I want one that vibrates," he said, cock straining against his jeans at the thought.

 

"Ok," Niall smirked. "You realize that will make you come in your pants?"

 

Harry stifled a groan and grabbed Niall's hand, putting it on top of the tent in his jeans. "Y'know what would be really hot?" he said, a bit breathless.

 

"What?" Niall asked, knowing they were going to get jumped with Harry being this sexy.

 

Harry tilted his face so he could drag his tongue along Niall's mouth. "If you fucked me right here."

 

"Harry," Niall smiled against his lips. "This is a public area -- we'd get arrested."

 

"That would be even better," Harry said with a smirk, kissing Niall languidly. "I just need you, so much."

 

"Patience, beautiful... I can't afford jail." He gave him a wet smack on the lips. "Let's pick out some toys -- something I can push up you to tide you over for the ride home."

 

Harry let out a deep sigh but controlled himself, relenting. "You pick, I'll just take a look around," he kissed Niall and forced himself to push away from him, plunging deeper into the store. The deeper you went, the dirtier the toys got and Harry saw things he couldn't imagine anyone wanting up their genitals.

 

Niall plucked up the green butt plug, then found one he just adored; it was a little bit bigger, but it was neon pink and sparkly -- and it vibrated. Harry was going to love it. Then he went over to the actual dildos and vibrators. He found five he really liked and didn't choose between them because Harry's bank account could certainly handle it. Arms full, he went over to the cock rings and picked out a few of various sizes. He always picked the prettiest things for Harry.

 

Harry had ended up in the bondage section and he looked up at all the leather, the handcuffs, the masks and the whips with fascination. He certainly wasn't into hardcore pain, but it was intriguing him nonetheless.

 

"Finding anything you like, pretty?" A sleazy voice said behind and Harry turned to look at the equally sleazy man behind him. He gave him a short, bored glance and turned around, ignoring him completely.

 

Niall smuggled his booty over to the front counter and realized he was going to need Harry's credit card. "Hold on," he told the checker, going back into the store, trying to find his sweetie. "Harry?"

 

Harry could feel the man eyeing him up and sighed irritably. "Can I help you with anything?" he asked coldly and turned to meet the guy's leering gaze.

 

The guy licked his lips. "You'd look pretty. All tied up," he said and stepped closer, "and getting that pretty little ass spanked."

 

"Fuck off," Harry sneered and turned to walk away and apparently, the guy saw it as invitation to slap Harry's ass.

 

That got him slapped upside the head from behind. "Unless you want to experience blunt force trauma, I recommend you apologize to my boyfriend and get the fuck out of dodge," Niall said, his eyes hard, clearly spoiling for a fight.

 

The guy turned around with a sneer, at least a head taller than Niall and looked at down at him like he was an annoying bug. "Seriously?" He said with an incredulous snort. "Move out of the way or I might step on you, you little shit-stain."

 

Harry, enraged, grabbed a huge dildo and slammed the guy across of the head with it, hard enough to make him stumble on his feet.

 

Niall smirked at him. "Blunt force trauma. Move on, chump." He pushed the delirious man out of the way and offered Harry his hand. "Find something you like?"

 

Harry roughly shoved past the guy. "No," he said as they walked back to the counter. He leaned in close to Niall and said in a low voice, "but I think I'd like to try a bit of spanking. While I'm squeezing down on a plug."

 

Niall nearly swooned against him at the thought of that. "Yes... Yes, baby, yes, yes... Maybe I should get you a bigger one..."

 

Harry smirked. "I thought you didn't want me to get too loose." They reached the counter and Harry looked at all the pretty, shiny things Niall had picked out and he felt near giddy with excitement. He couldn't wait to try them all. He pulled out his credit card and paid.

 

Niall couldn't help being lewd. He had his arms around Harry the whole time, gently nibbling on his neck. When they were in the car, he reached over and stroked Harry between his legs. "How you doing?"

 

The bastard from the store had killed some of Harry's horniness, but the second Niall touched him, his dick twitched and he spread his legs wider, looking at Niall with half-lidded, lascivious eyes. "I feel ready to let you have me in every which way you'd like."

 

Niall leaned over and kissed him dreamily. "That twat didn't hurt you, did he? He didn't touch you?"

 

Harry kissed back, feeling so happy. "Asshole grabbed my ass. My ass is only for you."

 

"I'm so happy you know that," Niall purred, kissing him again. Then he broke away, eagerly getting the car in gear to hurry home.

 

Harry chuckled at the reckless driving. "Careful, love," he said. "I don't think I'm ready to die so young."

 

"Ok," Niall said, chilling out and reaching for his hand. "Safe... Safe for you..." He gave Harry's hand a squeeze, feeling genuine heart warmth for him.

 

Harry squeezed back, and looked at him with soft, adoring eyes. "This is so odd," he muttered. "We're so odd."

 

"Why?" Niall asked, pulling into his garage.

 

Harry gave him a bit of an enigmatic smile and climbed out of the car. "Come on," he said impatiently and walked into the house

 

Niall trailed behind him, grabbing at his hips. "Tell me," he pestered. "Tell me why we're odd..." He kissed his shoulders as he followed him down the hall.

 

Harry didn't answer until they were back in his room and Harry turned around and pressed himself close to Niall. "Because you are you and I'm me," he said and kissed Niall, his fingers impatiently fumbling with his jeans. "And this shouldn't feel as right as it does."

 

"It isn't odd," Niall panted into his mouth. "It's lucky," he smiled, pulling Harry out of his clothing slowly. He stroked down his chest. "I want to put my mark all over you.. like tattoos..." He had a small stab of pain, thinking of the tattoos he and Zayn should have had together, but he forced it away, imagining how pretty the word 'Niall's' would look on Harry's rib.

 

Harry smirked. "A tattoo? Maybe one right here?" He grabbed Niall's hand and put it on the warm skin of his bum. "Saying 'Niall's property'?" he said with a slight chuckle.

 

"No, your butt is too perfect. Maybe right here, though..." He stroked his hand just where Harry's butt met his thigh. "Or here..." he trailed his fingers over where a tramp stamp would be. “And pretty, pretty little things all over for me to kiss," he cooed, kissing all over his chest and ribs.

 

Harry panted and arched into the touch before he suddenly pulled away and laid back down on the bed, spreading himself out on it. "I'd like to see your pretty pale skin covered with ink," he said and reached for Niall.

 

"Yeah?" Niall grinned and crawled up between his legs. "What would you get tattooed on me?"

 

Harry dragged his fingers down the length of Niall's back, groped his firm little ass and stroked down his thighs, pressing two fingers against the soft expanse of skin on the inside. "My name of course," he smirked against Niall's mouth.

 

Niall was so into this -- so into just slowly, slowly, sensually making love to him. "You're my sweet baby..." Niall ducked down and sucked his nipple into his mouth, rolling it gently on his tongue.

 

Harry mewled like a happy kitten and stroked down Niall's body, so content with all of Niall's attention on him. "I love it when you call me that," he said softly. It made his heart go crazy.

 

"Really? You've rolled your eyes at me about it before," Niall grinned, leaning down to tongue that wet, hardening nub. "I have so many pet names I've been wanting to use on you."

 

"Let's not get carried away," Harry said with a breathless chuckle. He gasped softly at Niall's ministrations. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair. "You need a new dye," he said and prodded at his darkened roots. "Or maybe you should ditch the blonde hair. I'd like to see you with brown."

 

Niall snorted. "Well, I can't afford Natalie's stylist; did she not do a good job?" He wiggled down and started stroking around Harry's penis... his thighs, his tummy, his groin. "But if you really want to see it brown, I could for you -- kitten." Niall winked at him.

 

“Ugh. Not kitten.” Harry's legs opened a bit wider, his dick laid heavy and warm against his thigh. "Why do you dye it?" Harry said, breathing out a small, needy moan. "Is there some story behind it?"

 

"Zayn and I were always doing crazy shit. We dyed my hair blonde so I could make it blue and he put a lightning strike in his hair. The blue faded from my hair eventually and I just... I dunno, I liked it. People started to notice me. For a long time I was 'Zayn's friend'."

 

Harry immediately regretted asking. He didn't like that Zayn was such a big part of Niall's life. It annoyed him limitlessly that the option of just erasing Zayn all together didn't exist. "I noticed you before I noticed him," Harry said and stroked down Niall's face. "You were always a lot more than just his friend."

 

Niall looked up at him, a little startled. He stopped his ministrations as he thought about it. "Why?" That was never the case, but he couldn't deny that he was almost always in Zayn's shadow. He often felt like Zayn was the lion and Niall was the carnival barker, calling people from near and far to come see his amazing, pot-growing, exotic beauty. Niall would collect the cash, Zayn would get all the accolades. And Niall was so good at it, probably because his adoration of the boy was sincere; of course the masses wanted see what could possibly have made Niall so sparkly. But again; Harry had focused on him. Immediately, even as others fawned over Zayn. His forehead furrowed as he tumbled deeply into thought. "Why?" he asked again, sounding even more mystified.

 

Harry looked at Niall and as he looked into his eyes, he could feel it in his heart, in his bones, that he truly was ready to offer everything to this boy; give him everything even if he got nothing in return. It was a scary, foreign feeling. "Do you remember I told you I had no idea why I was so interested in you?" he asked softly and took Niall's hand. "I still don't know, but..." he smiled softly, "you’re the only one who's ever made my heart do this." He put Niall's hand on his chest, palm flat against his ribcage where his heart was drumming hard. "Feel that?" he asked quietly.

"That's all for you."

 

Niall studied his face, looking into his eyes, completely undefended. "Harry Styles, do you love me?"

 

Harry's heart only raced faster at that and he knew Niall could feel it against his palm; that seemed to be an answer in itself. Harry swallowed softly and looked into Niall's eyes for a moment. "Yes." And it terrified him to no ends.

 

Niall was no more shocked than Harry when a soft warble escaped his throat and his eyes welled with tears. He ducked his head before Harry could see them fall, but his plan was foiled by the two hot splashes dropping directly onto Harry's shoulder. He couldn't say why he was behaving this way; perhaps because he never thought he would be loved by anyone; but also because he wanted to love Harry back so badly. He wanted to love Harry back and know they had a future together. The secret that he couldn't tell his love was going to tear them apart even if Niall's heart healed and gave itself to Harry. Knowing the gig was up, Niall just hid his face in Harry's shoulder and tried to get a grip on himself. "Fuck, Harry... Harry... My Harry." He wanted to say 'I love you, too' -- but he couldn't yet. Not quite yet. But he could feel that he was very, very much capable of loving the boy.

 

Harry was in no small part surprised, in turn. He didn't know how to interpret, or for that matter, handle a reaction like that. While he hadn't expected to get an 'I love you' back---he wasn't stupid, he knew Niall didn't--it didn't prepare him for the sharp pain. He took a deep breath and softly wrapped his arms around Niall and stroked him softly. "It's ok," he whispered softly and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "It's alright."

 

"I'm so fucked up, Harry," Niall said softly, sniffing hard. "I'm so fucked up. I'm so... I'm so..." He started to catch himself, get himself together. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I didn't... I don't mean to..." He shook his head. "Sorry."

 

Harry opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling and he wondered if Niall could hear his heart breaking for the both of them. He took a shaky breath. "I was right all along, yeah?" He pressed his nose against Niall's hair and took a deep breath. "Love is bullshit. Yet every moment with you makes it somehow worth the pain."

 

That made Niall want to love him all the more. He crushed Harry in his arms and rocked him lovingly. "I know," he said into his neck, knowing exactly what Harry was going through. "I know." He had to find a way to tell Harry about his dad. He just didn't know how to do it without losing him. "You're my baby..." Which was basically how Niall could tell him he loved him back, as best he could.

 

Harry's eyes watered up and he closed his eyes and hid his face in Niall's neck. He was absolutely not going to cry because he'd not only made the mistake of falling in love, he'd fallen into a miserable, unrequited love; yet it was worth it. God, was it worth it when Niall held him close and it made Harry feel like he didn't belong anywhere else but right here. A tear pressed past his closed lids and he sniffled softly. "Jesus," he said with a wry smile. "This night didn't take the turn I'd expected."

 

"Nope," Niall sniffled with a soft laugh. "We were supposed to be three butt plugs deep by now." He smiled and pulled back to look down at his darling. He stroked his hair out of his face and gently kissed over his brow and down his nose. "I completely killed your horny, didn't I?"

 

Harry smiled softly and pulled Niall down next to him and curled up against him. "We'll save it for another night," he said and nuzzled Niall's neck.

 

Niall kissed him firmly, sincerely. "You know I think the world of you, right?"

 

Harry smiled. "Everyone I meet usually does," he said with a small, teasing smirk.

 

Niall poked his dimple. "Fine. Be that way." He nuzzled into his lover. "Can I make you a bath?" He knew Harry was probably pretty uncomfortable after not having been allowed to clean himself after their first time around.

 

Harry kissed Niall softly. "That would be lovely."

 

~*~

 

Liam couldn't sleep. What he had done to Zayn was torturing him. If there was one lesson he had learned from what he had done to Louis, it was never, ever throw over someone you care about in hopes of winning approval. And yet, he'd done it again. He felt like a madman. At 3 am, he was still tossing and turning and he wrote Louis a pointed text: 'I need to hear from you.'

 

Louis first saw the text in the morning when he groped blindly for his phone to turn off the annoying alarm. He blinked when he saw the text from Liam and swallowed as he read it. 'I'm leaving for the break in a few days. We'll talk after I come back.' He hoped that a week away from home would offer him some clarity.

 

The idea of leaving Zayn hanging over the break, of putting another week's coldness between the two of them chilled Liam to the core. ‘It has to be before,’ Liam typed back when he sat at a stop light in traffic.

 

Louis sighed. He wasn't ready to see Liam and he honestly didn't know what Liam was expecting. 'I told you I need time.'

 

'I can't do this to Zayn. He's alone. He doesn't have anyone. His family is away. It's killing him. This isn't right.'

 

'One week, Liam. Take it or leave it. No one is forcing you here.' Louis wasn't very proud of himself, but he simply couldn't stand the idea of Zayn anywhere near Liam.

 

Liam chucked his phone at the window so hard, if his phone hadn't been in a soft case, something would've ended up broken. "FUUUUUUUCK!" he roared. It was so unlike him to swear.

 

~*~

 

Niall was on a ladder. He was trying to install a sky light where there used to be just a hole in the ceiling. The ceiling was high so the ladder was actually rather scary to be on and the job wasn't easy. He wished he could do this part from the roof, but there was no conceivable way.

 

Zayn arrived to the greenhouse wearing a pair of thick framed hipster glasses and old jumper with paint streaks. He saw Niall on the ladder and got nervous that he'd fall and crack his head. He walked up to the ladder without being noticed, dropping his stuff on the couch and grabbed the ladder. He looked up, wondering how he should make his presence known without startling Niall. "Hey," he said quietly.

 

Niall was totally startled. Luckily, the reaction was pretty contained and he just dropped a screw. "Goddamn fuck, Zayn!" he snapped.

 

Zayn smiled up at him, sheepish. "Sorry," he said. "You need any help?"

 

"Yeah, try not to fucking kill me, please..." Niall replied, still obviously shaken.

 

Zayn smirked a bit. "I'll try," he said. "Don't worry. I'll catch you if you fall."

 

Niall huffed. "Shouldn't you be at school?" he asked, a screw tucked into the side of his mouth.

 

"Started the break early," Zayn said with a shrug. In reality, he just didn't feel like dealing with watching Liam walking around, looking miserable.

 

"Your dad won't approve," Niall said, after several seconds of using his power drill.

 

"What he doesn't know won't kill him," Zayn said, smirking. "They all left this morning, so I've got the house to myself."

 

"You didn't go with them?" Niall was surprised.

 

"No, I didn't feel like it. Besides, I need to get to turn up the production here."

 

"Hm," Niall grunted. Then he drilled some more. When he stopped he said, "So what are you doing for break?"

 

Zayn didn't have any major plans really. "Work here," he said simply, "and when I'm not, I'll be chilling; eating; sleeping a lot."

 

"Oh." That was Niall's plan. He deflated a little. "I thought you'd be away with your family."

 

"You sound disappointed," Zayn said and sighed. "I'll stay out of your way."

 

"Yeah." Niall said simply. "I need to work on a bathroom, anyway. The plumbing’s in here, I just need to put in fixtures."

 

"When you begin to talk like that then I want you to know that I'm not listening," Zayn said, and maybe he was doing to get a reaction out of Niall. "It's like white noise."

 

"You need to hear it! That's why I say it!" Niall snapped.

 

Zayn hid a smirk. "Yeah? Well, it nearly puts me to sleep."

 

"Tough titties. It's business, get used to it." He went vigorously back to work, agitated by having Zayn around. He didn't want it to come up that he was here and Harry was going away with Louis without him. He wanted to present a perfectly happy front to Zayn, even though he knew the other boy could see straight through it.

 

Zayn rolled his eyes a little. "Do you remember when my family was away for that wedding that one weekend and we threw a party? The house was trashed, but we somehow managed to put everything back together. I'm still amazed that they never found out." Zayn smiled at the memory and felt a sting of nostalgia.

 

Niall didn't say anything. He didn't want to go down that road. He needed to move on from Zayn, not become even needier for him. His silence was pointed and prolonged.

 

Zayn got the message and moved away from the ladder. He shuffled up to the couch and flopped down on it, lighting a joint. He lay down, resting his head against the arm rest and puffed away on the cigarette. He wanted to take a nap but it was impossible with the drilling and he wondered if he should just go home and come back later.

 

When Niall finally completed the skylight, it looked wonderful. Of course, they had chosen this location for the wonderful light, but it was starting to look less like a dilapidated building and more like an actual greenhouse, now. He started backing down the ladder with a little too much enthusiasm and about halfway down, his foot slipped. He came down hard, trying to catch himself on the metal table which ended up slashing his arm and his wrist torqued at an odd angle.

 

Zayn startled at the crash and his eyes widened. He was on his feet and by Niall's side before he'd even realized he'd moved. He kneeled down next to Niall, his eyes wide with concern. "Shit. Niall, you alright?" He breathed in a low, "fuck," when he noticed the way his wrist looked.

 

"Yeah," Niall said reactively. "Yeah, I'm fine." He couldn't not be fine. There was no way he could afford to not be fine... except pain was lancing up his arm and his hand wasn't on right. "No... No, I'm not fine," he confessed.

 

"Shit, it looks really bad. Is it broken? We need to get you to the hospital. Here, let me help you up."

 

Niall was a bit white. Seeing his hand like that... his arm like that... He felt faint. "I can't... Zayn, we have to fix it here. I can't go to the hospital. I can't..." Further bills would ruin him.

 

Niall's wrist was swelling and turning red and Zayn wasn't sure if it was a sprain or a broken wrist he was dealing with here, or what the hell to do. "No, we need a hospital. We have nothing to fix it with here."

 

"I can't -- Zayn, I can't go. I can't make the payments to the hospital as it is, I can't... I can't..." He was holding his wrist, trying to bend it back in place, but the pain was too extreme.

 

"Ok. Ok, we need to ice it and bandage it. Let's go to my place. C'mon," Zayn slung Niall's uninjured arm around his shoulder, wrapped an arm around his waist and helped him on his feet.

 

Niall was breathing hard. He knew it was broken. He knew it would need proper medical care, but he couldn't bear the thought of it. He certainly couldn't tell Louis or Harry or they would insist on paying for it. "I can walk," he insisted, but was grateful Zayn was near. He wasn't sure he wasn't going to pass out or do something weird.

 

"No, come on, I got you," Zayn said and didn't relent his hold on Niall, guiding him to his car and helping him into the passenger seat. He climbed into the front seat and looked at Niall's wrist; it seemed to look worse for every passing second. "Please let me take you to the hospital. It can't be that much. We'll pay with the weed money."

 

Niall winced. "It's... It'll cost around $20,000." Niall knew hospitals. He knew what ERs cost.

 

Zayn sighed and gripped the steering wheel hard. "You need to see a doctor, it won't heal by itself," he took a deep breath. "Call your rich friends. I'm sure they'll help."

 

"No," Niall said stonily. "Just... Just take me," he said, knowing how broken bones sometimes had to be re-broken if they didn't heal right. "I'll... I'll find a way to pay for it." He knew there were other men out there like Ray.

 

Zayn didn't like the sound of that. "Why won't you call them?" Zayn said and pulled out, racing to the hospital. "Isn't one your boyfriend?"

 

"He's my boyfriend, he's not my bank!" Niall snapped.

 

"Chill," Zayn said getting irritated with Niall's snapping. "I'm just trying to help."

 

"Oh, please," Niall rolled his eyes. "Every time you mention Harry, you sneer."

 

"When did you get like this?" Zayn blurted, unable to hold it any longer. "I don't even know who the fuck you are anymore."

 

"Get like what?" Niall asked, icily.

 

"Like that," Zayn said and made an exaggerated gesture towards Niall. "Cold and snappish and completely impossible to make conversation with."

 

"Don't pretend you're an idiot, Zayn. You know exactly what's going on with me."

 

Zayn swallowed a bit. "You know I'm not doing anything to hurt you on purpose," he said, voice softer. "I'm really trying to make things work here, but you're too far away. I can't reach you anymore."

 

"I don't want to be reached. Just drive."

 

Zayn bit down the inside of his cheek and stared out of the windshield for a good stretch of road. "Is that what you want, Niall?" he said quietly. "You really want me out of your life so badly?"

 

"You’re my business partner, Zayn. I can't be your friend."

 

Zayn was silent for a few moments. "Ok," he said then, "I'll stop trying."

 

Niall didn't reply. He just bore it out until they got to the hospital.

 

The wait in the hospital wasn't terribly long because clearly Niall was in a lot of pain. After a few X-Rays, it became apparent he'd fractured his wrist and would need a cast. He was told to wait on the small gurney and given some drugs until they were ready to set his wrist and put a cast on him. Zayn was relieved to not hear any shrill screaming from where he was in the waiting room. A nurse approached him, who had been sitting in the waiting room for several hours. "You can come back and see your friend if you like."

 

The word ‘friend’ seemed to bend something inside of Zayn and he gave the nurse a stiff smile, nodding. "Ok." He would check on Niall one last time and then he'd leave.

 

"He's a little loopy," the nurse forewarned him. "He's on some very strong painkillers, so forgive him if he's a little out of it.”

 

Niall was delirious. He certainly wasn't in any pain and when he saw Zayn, his face became the dopey, happy smile of a dog seeing his master return to him. "Zayn..." he cooed.

 

Zayn certainly hadn't expected that and he stopped up and just stared for a few beats, not sure how to proceed. He walked forward and smiled back. "You're really drugged, huh?"

 

Niall took hold of Zayn with his good hand and pulled him close. His other hand was in a cast, but at least it was facing the right direction. "I feel really good, Zayn," he slurred. "Really good. I hate to tell you, this is better than the shit you grow. I hate to tell you. You should try to get some."

 

That made Zayn chuckle and he gently pet Niall's hair. "Yeah? It definitely is stronger. Think they'll let me have some?"

 

"Mmmhmmm. You're special. You'll just have to ask real nice. Then we can lie here and talk about stars and shoelaces," he said dreamily.

 

"This reminds me of that day we got fucked up on some shit we should have been known better than to take," Zayn said, grinning slightly. He knew this drugged up Niall wasn't going to last forever, but he was going to enjoy it for as long as he could.

 

"Mmmmhmmm," Niall said, not really knowing which time Zayn was talking about. He tried to pull Zayn down on the bed with him so they could cuddle. "I like not being in pain, Zayn... It's so... new..."

 

Zayn smiled, pained. He sat down next to Niall and gave him a small hug. He was silent for a few moments. "When are you the happiest?"

 

Niall tried to think about it. "These days? With Harry and Louis," he said, nuzzling into Zayn's chest. "Harry's in love with me. He told me so. Who'd have thought, huh?"

 

Zayn genuinely disliked both of those guys, but if they made Niall happy then they were doing something right. "I told you you'd find someone who loved you," he said and gently kissed Niall's forehead.

 

The pain spiked up in Niall briefly, but the morphine soothed it over before he could latch onto it. "He's so pretty," Niall cooed, his toes curling when he thought about Harry. "And he's mine." He leaned forward to whisper sloppily in Zayn's ear, "We have a lot of really kinky sex."

 

Zayn leaned back and tried not to grimace. There were limits to how much he wanted to hear about Harry and what he and Niall were doing together. Flashes of that sex video flashed in his mind and he resolutely pushed them away. "Ok...uhm, that's good."

 

"Oh, damn," Niall said casually, curling a fist in Zayn's shirt. "He wanted to hang out with me tonight. 'Sthe last night before he leaves with Louis..." He could imagine his phone lit up from texts from Harry and probably a few phone calls.

 

Zayn grabbed Niall's wrist but didn't pull his hand off. "Yeah? Maybe you should call him."

 

"Will you get me my phone? I don't think I can move."

 

"Sure." Zayn retrieved Niall's phone from where it had been placed in a small pile of items on the far counter and handed it to him. "I'll just go out for a smoke. Ok?" He didn't want to be there for that phone call.

 

Niall whimpered. "Stay, stay with me," he said, trying to hold onto Zayn with one hand and dial the phone with his broken hand, batting at it rather dumbly.

 

Zayn took the phone out of his injured hand and placed it in the other one. "It's alright. I'll be right outside. Be back in a moment. Make your call."

 

"Gah!" Niall barked in protest, then quickly became distracted with his phone and called Harry.

 

Zayn quietly slipped out of the room just as Niall's call was taken at the first time.

 

"Niall?" Where the fuck are you? I've been calling you for hours!"

 

Niall giggled at the sound of Harry's voice. "Harry, I miss you! You're so pretty!" Then he started making obnoxious kissy noises into the phone.

 

"Niall? Are you...are you on something? Jesus Christ, where are you?"

 

"I'm in the hospital. My hand broke. I don't know where I am. Zayn took me, you'd have to ask him. But you should come!" Niall chirped. "And send me pictures of your nipples!"

 

"What the actual fuck, Niall," Harry exclaimed, shocked and worried. "Just stay where you are, I'll be there as soon as I can."

 

"Don't worry, baby," Niall cooed. "I'm all good. Don't rush." Then with the kissy noises again.

 

"You sound ridiculous. I'll have to record you when I get there. Stay put."

 

"You're my baby," Niall sang softly, over and over. "You're my baby, you're my baby, you're my baby." It was actually kind of pretty.

 

Harry had gotten into the car at this point and had the phone on speaker. He laughed softly, warmed. "Didn't know you could sing, love," he said as he pulled out and raced to the hospital. "Keep surprising me."

 

When Harry and Louis arrived to the hospital, Zayn was leaned against a tree just outside the entrance. He saw them and immediately tried to make himself as invisible as possible; he didn't want to deal with them. Harry barely noticed him, rushing into the hospital. Louis, however spotted the other boy and gave him a good once over.

 

Louis knew things had to work for them for the company -- for Niall's sake -- but shit, the boy probably wanted to kill him. And Louis wouldn't cry if anything happened to Zayn.

 

Zayn gave him a practiced bored look and just slowly looked away as if Louis wasn't worthy of his attention; which he wasn't, that shit.

 

"So, what happened, exactly?" Louis asked as casually as he could.

 

Zayn gave him another curt look and then pushed himself away from the tree, sauntering away.

 

~*~

 

The drugs were wearing off and the pain was setting back in. They had offered him further pain killers, but in an attempt to keep expenses down, Niall had refused them. He shuffled into the waiting room, looking for Zayn, and, despite himself, hurt and disappointed at not seeing him. When he saw Harry and Louis, however, he smiled. "Hey, guys..." he said, apologetically.

 

"Hey," Harry said and moved forward, touching Niall's cheek and looking him over. "How are you feeling?"

 

Niall took his hand and kissed it. "Not great. Sorry, guys, I know you probably need to be home packing. I shouldn't have dragged you out here."

 

"No problem!" Louis said, skipping up next to them, smiling. "We were almost done anyways."

 

"C'mon, let's get out of here," Harry said and took Niall's hand.

 

"You guys didn't see Zayn, did you?

 

"No-" Harry began to say but Louis interrupted, "Yeah, he was smoking outside the entrance. I asked him what happened and he just left."

 

"Oh," Niall nodded, remembering what Zayn said about not making an effort to be his friend anymore. He let his friends lead him to the car and he got in the back with Harry. "Hey," he said, shy and embarrassed. "I can't text with this thing," he indicated the cast. "Can you just text Zayn that I got out and I'm fine and thank him for his help?"

 

"Is that really necessary?" Harry asked.

 

Louis rolled his eyes. "Here, I'll do it," he said and held his hand out.

 

"Thanks," Niall gave him his phone. "And yes, Harry, it is."

 

Harry rolled his eyes a bit. Louis sent the text and got a reply back the next moment. "He says 'no problem'," Louis said and gave the phone back, before he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

 

Niall sighed and slumped into Harry's shoulder. "Sorry... I didn't want saying goodbye to be so gloomy."

 

Harry wrapped an arm around him and held him close. He kissed the top of his head, "Are you sure you want to stay behind? There's not much you can do with your hand like that."

 

"Yeah, I'll be alright. This is special time for you and Louis."

 

Harry knew there was little more he could say, so he gave a small sigh, relenting. "Ok, love."

"You should just stay in, relax and heal," Louis said and glanced at Niall. "I'm sure Zayn will take care of the greenhouse over the week."

 

"Yeah, probably... I just wanted to set up the bathroom by the end of the month..." He looked up at Harry. "But you guys'll have fun, yeah?"

 

"I'm going to miss you," Harry said softly, sincerely.

 

Louis rolled his eyes a bit and smirked. "Look what you've done to him, Niall," he teased. "I can barely recognize him anymore."

 

Niall smiled at him. "You’ll find some Mediterranean beauty and forget me in a hot minute," he laughed, kissing Harry's nose. He was prepared for that, even though he was kidding with Harry now.

 

Harry shook his head and kissed Niall's cheek. "Never, love."

 

"I will!" Louis said and raised his hand, flashing them a grin. "Do you have any idea how hot men with southern European accents are?"

 

Niall smiled at him. "You get some, Louis!" He squeezed Harry's hand with his good one. When they got home and Niall and Harry were getting ready for bed in the bathroom, Niall did say casually, "You know, Harry, if you wanted to have a holiday fling, I wouldn't mind. Just be safe."

 

Harry stopped up what he was doing and looked at Niall. "I would mind if you did," he said. "I guess that's the difference between the way we feel about each other."

 

Niall looked a little guilty. "No, I mean... I just... It's a holiday, you know? I figured you guys were going to the Mediterranean to... y’know, hook up."

 

Harry shrugged a bit, feeling pretty stung. "We were, originally; to hook up with other people and each other. But thank you for letting me know that you wouldn't mind."

 

Niall reached out with his good hand and stroked through Harry's curls; he clearly adored them. "I feel like I -- I dunno, butted in."

 

"You did, but obviously I don't mind," Harry said with a crooked smile. "Neither of us does."

 

Niall leaned in and kissed him sweetly. "Just - I won't ask. I won't ask what you do while you're away." But he felt himself actually becoming a little insecure and it showed when he said, "But promise to come back to me, yeah?"

 

Harry cupped Niall's cheek and softly stroked his skin, looking intensely into his eyes. "I promise," he said softly. He could imagine belonging anywhere else. He pulled his hand back and took off his paper plane necklace and closed Niall's palm around it. "Hold onto this while I'm away. I'll definitely come back for it."

 

Niall smiled. He actually became a bit sentimental as he closed his fist around the tiny, metal piece. Then he leaned forward and kissed Harry soundly, possessively. "Your ass is still mine, ok? Nobody touches your ass."

 

Harry smiled into the kiss. "Romantic, real romantic," he teased.

 

"I'm in a lot of pain, ok, gimme a break," Niall laughed. "Besides, how was I supposed to say that romantically?"

 

"I'm just teasing. That's good enough for me," He said and kissed Niall softly. "I'll send you a lot of naughty pics so you don't get too bored."

 

"You better... Except my wanking hand is broken..." He held up his cast and frowned at it.

 

"Poor baby. Then you'll just have to wait till I get back."

 

Niall whimpered and pushed his face into Harry's neck needily. "How am I supposed to go a week without you? Without even wanking off to thoughts of you?" He reached down and stroked his good hand between Harry's thighs. Making love with a clunky cast on his right hand was going to be hard.

 

Harry's legs automatically spread a little wider. He leaned in and nibbled Niall's ear. "How about I suck you dry right now," he purred, reaching between Niall's legs.

 

Niall purred softly and said, "Yeah..." Then he panted, "Think you'll take any of your new toys with you?"

 

Harry smirked and dropped down on his knees, shuffling between Niall's thigh. "Yes," he said and leaned in to drag the zipper open with his teeth. "I'll be groaning and whining with a vibrator up my ass, thinking of you."

 

Even the pain in his hand wasn't enough to dampen the arousal that image shot through him. "Jesus, Harry, I want pictures of that -- I want video..."

 

Harry fished Niall's slowly hardening dick out and gave the head a kitten lick. "Yeah?" He closed a fist around the shaft and gave a few strokes. "I'll send it. And maybe the next night I'll send you one where I'm fucking myself open with a dildo. You'd like that, love?"

 

Niall whimpered. "Yes... I just... I just wanted to be the first... To teach you to use them."

 

"I'll wait till I get home if you want," Harry said before slurping Niall's dick into his mouth and taking him the whole way in one smooth movement until he was gagging wetly around the girth of it.

 

Niall groaned, dropping his head back. "Yeah... but take a plug for you to squeeze down on... I don't like the idea of your hole being too lonely..." He really didn't want Harry to look for someone to fill it.

 

Harry hummed in reply and began sucking Niall off in earnest, determined to give him a nice orgasm as goodbye.

 

Niall lasted a little longer than usual because of the pain, but he still came hard, filling Harry's mouth and gripping his curls.

 

Harry sucked him through it, swallowing as best as he could. He let Niall's limp dick slide from his mouth and leaned up and kissed him with cum-slicked lips.

 

Niall kissed him deeply, tasting himself in Harry's mouth and liking it. "You're so perfect," he moaned into Harry's mouth, reaching down to fondle his cock through his pants. "Get it out for me..." Everything was going to be weird since he only had his non-dominant hand free.

 

Harry groaned into Niall's mouth, kissing him back hungrily. He reached down and opened his pants, pulling his cock out.

 

Niall started to stroke him. It was a little new, doing this left-handed, but he quickly got the knack for it and started sucking Harry's moans hungrily from his mouth.

 

Harry bucked up in Niall's hand, panting into his mouth and Niall obviously wasn't as skilled with his left-hand as he was with his right, it took a little doing before Harry finally reached release and spilled over Niall's fist.

 

Niall kissed his sultry mouth leisurely, realizing just how much he was going to miss him. It was stupid, because it was only a week, but things were hard in Niall's life and about to get harder. "Harry... I'm so happy you're in my life. I'm so happy you're my boyfriend."

 

Harry smiled, warmed to hear that. "I'm happy to be in your life," he said and kissed Niall deeply, meaningfully. "You made me feel things I didn't think I was capable of. No matter what happens in the future, you'll always have a part of me with you."

 

That was a bit profound. "I've... I've never had anyone say anything like that to me," Niall confessed. Not even his mother, before she went completely bonkers. Not even his sister, who knew she was dying.

 

Harry smiled softly. "I've never thought I'd say something like that to anyone," He stroked Niall's face affectionately. "But then again, I've never been in love with anyone before you."

 

A part of Niall was convinced Harry would snap out of that; he would see beautiful Mediterranean men and pasty, goofy Niall Horan would be forgotten. "Can we get naked and curl up in bed together?"

 

"Of course." Harry helped Niall out of his clothes and got out of his own. They curled up in the bed together and as Harry listened to Niall's breathing, he smiled; he felt like a fool, but at least he was a happy fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to reach us:
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	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a short chapter. You'll see why.

Zayn had originally planned to go to a party thrown by one of his classmates and chat up Bonnie Wickham, who was a hot senior, but somehow, he'd found himself in a gay bar. He'd felt a little reckless and daring and since his family was away, he thought he'd go just a little wild. His curiosity for the same sex had only increased over the past couple of days. But, as he got seized up by countless of men, he got second thoughts. Maybe it hadn't been so clever to show up here alone. He made his way to the bar and he was a little curious to see how long it'd take before someone bought him a drink.

 

It didn't take long. Zayn was stunning and he knew it. "Hi," a rather open faced college man said to him, whose shoulders weren't quite unlike Liam's. "You old enough to be in here?"

 

Zayn looked him over and liked what he saw. It provoked a sultry smile out of him. "No. You won't get me thrown out, will you?"

 

The man laughed. "No. But I can't buy you a drink, can I? I'm Caleb..." His eyes were locked on Zayn like he was afraid the boy might disappear if he looked away.

 

"Caleb," Zayn repeated slowly, tasting the name on his tongue. "Zayn," he replied, getting just the slightest bit hot under that intense gaze. "And yes, you can buy me a drink. I promise I won't tell."

 

"Zayn," Caleb said softly, enchanted. "I'll buy you a drink, but you can't get me in trouble," he smirked. "I'll deny all knowledge of you if this place gets raided."

 

Zayn rather liked the way his name sounded in the Caleb's deep voice. "Buy me a drink then, Caleb."

 

"You go to school around here?" Caleb asked, clearly thinking he was at least a college Freshman. He hailed the bartender and got him a vodka tonic.

 

"Yeah," Zayn said, purposefully vague. He took a sip of his drink. He glanced down at Caleb's hands. They were big and looked strong and rough. Zayn caught himself getting hot at the thought of them on him. He lifted his gaze. "What do you study?"

 

Caleb ran a hand through his blonde, wavy hair and smiled at him. "I'm actually studying to be a hairdresser. You have beautiful hair."

 

Zayn rocked a little in his seat, flattered. "I could say the same about yours." He hadn't seen such shiny, pretty hair on a man before. He took another sip of his drink, letting the alcohol run through his veins.

 

"Do you dance?" Caleb asked. He could feel other men circling, but there was no chance Caleb was letting this fish off the hook.

 

"No," Zayn said, partly shy, partly feeling awkward. "Not really my thing."

 

"Then come up to the balcony with me," Caleb said, knowing he needed to get Zayn away from the bar where the sharks were lurking.

 

Zayn didn't have any objections to that. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable and out of place with all the attention he was getting. "Lead the way," he said and got to his feet.

 

Caleb took his hand and weaved him through the crowd. When too many hands were reaching for Zayn with the boy behind him, Caleb brought him around front and safely herded him up the stairs. "You're too pretty for your own good," he said, once he found them a high table where they could look out over the bar below.

 

Zayn gave a coy smile. "I'm not used to this," he said and wondered if this was what it felt like to be an attractive girl in a club full of straight guys looking to get laid. His heart went out to them. "I seriously don't know what I'd expected."

 

"You're new to this," Caleb half asked-half stated. "You just come out?"

 

"No, I'm..." Zayn trailed off a bit, feeling a bit uncomfortable with those words. He wasn't coming out; he wasn't in anywhere, really. He was just having a bit fun. "...I'm just kind of...experimenting."

 

"Oh!" Caleb said, expressing a tactful surprise. "I was in your place not long ago..."

 

Zayn studied Caleb briefly. "You like girls?"

 

"I... tried to. For a long time, I tried to. I ended up just telling everyone I was asexual. But of course, everyone knew I was queer. They all knew before I did," Caleb laughed softly.

 

"Then you weren't in 'my place'," Zayn said. "I like girls."

 

"Oh," Caleb nodded, getting it. "I imagine you attract a lot of them."

 

Zayn smirked a bit and shrugged. "I'm doing alright." And he wondered if he should just have gone to that lame house party and chatted up Bonnie Wickham and done things he had experience with. Things his father would approve of and not things that'd make his grandfather roll in his grave.

 

"Well... Zayn..." Caleb grinned. "If you’re not busy tonight, I'd love to... y'know... experiment with you."

 

Zayn looked at Caleb, surreptitiously glancing over his body and he knew he wanted this. He wanted to try it with someone he didn't know, with someone that wouldn’t cause complications. "Yeah?" he said, lifting his gaze to Caleb's. "Tell me why I should choose you specifically."

 

Caleb grinned. "Because I'll go as slow or as fast as you want." He nodded to the teeming masses. "They won't."

 

Zayn glanced down. He looked back at Caleb and he couldn't believe he was doing this, but that was certainly the right answer. "Ok," he said.

 

Caleb saw the brief moment of vulnerability cross Zayn's face and he took his hand, giving him a wink. "We'll have fun. I promise. Now, yours or mine?"

 

Zayn gave it brief thought. "Mine." If he was going to do this, then it sure as hell was going to be somewhere he felt comfortable and safe, and if needed, he could kick Caleb out.

 

Caleb nodded and put Zayn's drink down on the table before folding his arm around the boy and leading him out. "You take the bus here?"

 

"My car." Zayn led Caleb to his car and as they settled inside it, he began having second thoughts. He took a deep breath and told himself that if it turned out that he for some reason didn't like it, he'd just kick Caleb out and spend the rest of the night eating greasy food and watching TV.

 

Caleb was watching him. "Hey. It's alright, man. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I honestly just go out to meet new people -- I still feel new, here. You're just... I mean, you're super fucking cute, I mean, I'd love to fool around with you. But it's no biggie."

 

That calmed Zayn and he smiled, starting the car and pulling out. "No. I'm just...I've only really ever done anything like this with two guys. They were both my friends," he said and he didn't know why he was even telling Caleb this; maybe he'd needed someone to talk to more than he'd be willing to admit. "It didn't end well. They're not my friends anymore. At least I learned my lesson. Never fool around with your friends."

 

"Yikes. That's harsh. Maybe they just weren't mature enough to deal with it," Caleb shrugged.

 

"No. I think it's my own fault," Zayn muttered. In hindsight, he shouldn't have ever fooled around with Niall knowing that the boy had feelings for him; that had been a recipe for a catastrophe. And Liam. He shouldn't have fooled around with him, knowing that he was so pathetically trying to win back Louis. He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I won't do it again."

 

"Well... I'm fall-out free," Caleb joked, feeling like Zayn's mood really needed lifting.

 

Zayn smiled and shook his head. "Sorry. You must think I'm lame."

 

"Of course you're not lame! This stuff isn't easy. I had a crush on my bully in high school. We were sort of friends and I had such a crush on him. Then I think he sort of sensed it and turned on me. Tormented me for months. He even made a webpage called 'Caleb's a Fag'." Caleb smiled, not a trace of bitterness about him. "It's part of being a kid -- going through this stuff." He was beginning to determine that Zayn… might not be in college.

 

"So...it gets better," Zayn said and glanced at Caleb. He couldn't wait till he got to move out and go to college and just figure out who he was and what he wanted in life. Right now, his life was nothing more than a confused mess.

 

"Yeah. It does..." Caleb rubbed up and down his arm. "You'll be ok. You have to remember you'll always be ok." This kid seemed vulnerable and breakable.

 

Zayn looked at Caleb and he knew he was definitely lucky that it was this guy he'd ended up taking home and not some lust-driven horndog who was salivating to get his dick wet. He pulled up in the driveway of his house and gave a small sigh.

 

They got out of the car, and Zayn saw that Caleb wasn’t following him. He turned back and saw the other man staring at the gabled structure, something clearly troubling him.

 

“Problem?” Zayn asked, tossing his keys compulsively.

 

“Well,” Caleb began hesitantly, “I can’t help but notice this is a family home. Um. I have to ask: are you of age?”

 

Zayn blushed, then snorted to hide it. “Yeah. I’m eighteen. You want to see my driver’s license?”

 

Caleb took a moment to lie-detect his face, before suddenly relaxing. “No. No, I believe you. C’mon, let’s go in.”

 

They were in the foyer, stumbling in the dark. Zayn was a bit clumsier than usual, dropping his keys and stepping over his own feet. "How you feeling?" Caleb asked. The boy seemed nervous.

 

Zayn took his time getting out of his jacket and slinging it over his chair, determined to be graceful. He turned to look at Caleb. "I'm good. Room’s up here. Follow me."

 

When they mounted the stairs, Caleb gave him considerate distance, but Zayn rather found himself hoping Caleb was checking out his butt. He walked to his bed and sat down. He looked up at Caleb and patted the space next to him.

 

It was so innocent and sweet, Caleb smiled brightly and flung himself next to Zayn on the bed. "Parents away?"

 

Zayn nodded. He felt a bit odd. He'd taken plenty of girls to his room, but never a boy, never a man. He wasn't sure what the procedure was here.

 

Caleb smiled at him, then carefully leaned over and kissed him. His kiss was soft, sweet, and noninvasive.

 

Zayn's eyes fluttered shut and he kissed back, feeling some of his confidence seep back into his system. His hands immediately went up to stroke along Caleb's shoulders. He couldn't help it, he'd wanted to all night.

 

Caleb slowly put his hand on Zayn's hip, making sure he was alright with being touched.

 

Zayn was definitely alright with that. He curled his fingers into Caleb's shoulders and deepened the kiss, pressing closer to the man.

 

Testing, Caleb took hold of Zayn's knee and draped it over his legs, bringing Zayn into his lap. "This ok?" he asked, his eyes dilating. It was going to be hard going slow with this beauty.

 

"Yeah, it's ok," Zayn said, panting slightly and kissed Caleb again, his hand falling down to his chest, feeling him through his thin shirt.

 

Caleb curled his hands in the waist of Zayn's jeans and pulled him tighter, kissing him a little deeper, more passionately. The boy had such beautiful lips and this was definitely going well. Zayn wasn't anywhere near as hesitant as he imagined he might be and he seemed... eager.

 

Zayn groaned softly into the kiss and he experimentally slipped his hand under Caleb's shirt to feel up his toned chest and it felt so similar yet different from Liam's. He ran his hand through Caleb's hair, surprised at how soft and silky it was. He'd had to ask him for hair tips later.

 

Caleb returned the gesture, sliding his hands up under Zayn's shirt and stroking his back. "Can I take your shirt off?" Caleb asked against his mouth.

 

"Get out of yours first," Zayn said and pulled back, hastily unbuttoning his shirt and revealing the smooth, creamy skin underneath. Zayn slowly let his hand feel up the straight lines and hard planes and he couldn't believe that he was just as enchanted by it as he was with soft, girly curves.

 

Caleb kissed his jaw, down his neck and pushed his shirt up until Zayn had to lift his arms to take it off. He checked in to see that Zayn was doing alright. "How far have you... gone?" he asked, not wanting to spook him.

 

Zayn swallowed a bit. "Not far," he said. He'd almost gone all the way with Niall and he'd only gotten a heated make-out and a quick hand-job from Liam. In fact, he didn't even know how far he intended to go tonight.

 

Caleb nodded. "It's ok... I was just wondering. I won't do anything without asking, I promise," he said, leaning back in to kiss him again. He wanted to tear the boy's pants off and tongue fuck him til he came, but he was reigning himself in.

 

Zayn kissed him back for a couple of minutes before he pulled back. He crawled off Caleb and laid down on the bed. He spread his legs so Caleb could fit in between them and looked up at him with darkened eyes, biting his bottom lip, "C'mere, I want to feel your weight on top of me."

 

Caleb started to move on top of him, but then he said, "Would you mind... if I took your jeans off?"

 

Zayn looked up at him for a few moments and then thought, _why the hell_ not and nodded. "Yeah. Go ahead."

 

Going slowly, leaving room for Zayn to change his mind, Caleb unzipped Zayn's pants and stroked them down and off his body. He ran his hands up Zayn's legs as he came to rest his weight atop him. "Good?" he asked.

 

Zayn was breathing a little harder. He felt vulnerable in a way he hadn't before, but he somehow trusted Caleb. He nodded again and reached for Caleb, pulling him down for a kiss.

 

Caleb held him tight to his chest and kissed him fervently -- real, sexy kisses, the kind exchanged in preamble to lovemaking.

 

Zayn held onto Caleb's shoulder and kissed back, groaning softly into Caleb's delicious mouth. He rather liked this, being held down, being dominated, giving over to another guy. He curled his thigh over Caleb's hip, he could feel his dick fattening in his boxers.

 

Caleb felt it as well and, his breath thick, he panted, "Let me touch you..." He stroked down Zayn's chest and let his fingertips wait at the waist of Zayn's boxers, waiting for his go ahead.

 

Zayn bucked his hips and panted. "Yes," nodding eagerly.

 

Caleb slipped Zayn's boxers off his body and sighed at the sight of his dick. It was so pretty. He folded his hand around it and started to stroke, watching Zayn's face, hoping to see pleasure there.

 

Zayn's eyes fluttered, pretty moans falling from his mouth. "Mm, good, that's good," he breathed and stroked Caleb's biceps, reaching up and nibbling his bottom lip.

 

Caleb kept kissing him. He stroked his thumb over the tip of the boy's cock and delighted in his moans. "Have you ever considered... if you want to be on top or on the bottom?"

 

Zayn pulled a bit back to look at Caleb, blinking. For Niall, he'd wanted to be on top, because he'd wanted Niall to experience someone other than that old perv heaving atop of him, but for Liam...he hadn't thought that far; but now that he did, he'd want him to top. He wasn't even sure if that was what Caleb was asking. "Um...I...no."

 

Caleb nodded and kissed his temple. "Have you ever... you know... played further back...?" He let his fingers slip down past Zayn's balls, just indicating what he meant.

 

Zayn tensed the slightest bit and he shook his head. "Never," he said and the way he looked up at Caleb with big doe-eyes made him seem more innocent than he was.

 

It was absolutely endearing to behold. Caleb leaned down and kissed him reassuringly. "Do you want to?"

 

Zayn couldn't deny he was curious, though he was a bit wary that he might not like it at all. Trying wouldn't hurt. Hopefully. He pushed himself up in a sitting position and retrieved the lube from under his bed. He gave it to Caleb. "Why not?"

 

"Prepared," Caleb said, impressed. "But I don't need this just yet... Hold onto this," he said, giving Zayn his knee before ducking down between his thighs and stroking his tongue along the boy's crack.

 

Zayn let out a startled gasp, head falling back against the pillow and dick twitching against his thigh. "Oh," he said softly, "I hadn't expected that."

 

Caleb smiled and laughed softly before tracing his tongue around the tight ring of the boy's hole, being very gentle and slow with him.

 

Zayn never thought he'd find himself in this position; never thought he'd find the wet sensation of a guy's mouth against his hole nice. It was weird and different. He lay back down and closed his eyes, letting himself really feel it. Every lick made his hole flutter and sent spikes of arousal through him.

 

Caleb worked him slowly, expertly, until, after some time, he was thrusting wholly into Zayn's body, his hand pulling leisurely on his cock.

 

That made Zayn writhe slowly, sweating and moaning, whole body tingling and precum leaking from the tip of his dick. His hand found their way into Caleb's hair, urging him deeper.

 

Caleb did as urged, but eventually pulled away and gasped, "Can I finger you?"

 

Zayn was so drunk on lust that at this point, he felt like he was up for anything so he nodded and handed Caleb the lube.

 

Caleb slicked himself up and gently worked his index finger inside Zayn's clenching body. "Just breathe. It'll feel really good," he promised, kissing his thigh and gently rubbing in and out.

 

Zayn squirmed a bit, uncomfortable but did as he was told and concentrated on breathing in deeply and exhaling slowly. It took some time before the stretch began to feel pleasurable.

 

Caleb found Zayn's button pretty easily. He was gentle at first, not driving at it, but teasing closer and closer to it, pumping his dick slowly.

 

Zayn's eyes flew open with a gasp when Caleb touched a spot inside of him that made his whole body engulf in fire and he bucked, moaning. "What...oh...that's so--" he groaned and got a brief flashback of Niall telling him about that spot and how good it felt.

 

"Yeah," Caleb smiled, kissing his balls lovingly and starting to center on it, stroking it over and over, wanting to make Zayn come and forget entirely about the world of women.

 

Zayn's got consumed by that feeling and he gave himself over to it, thighs falling further apart, head flung back against his pillow, making sounds he hadn't known he was capable of and would be entirely embarrassed about once he regained some sense of mind.

 

Caleb pushed deep inside this beautiful boy and folded his lips around his cock, slurping him down to really bring him off.

 

Zayn didn't last a second longer. He came hard, his orgasm tearing through him, hips bucking up into Caleb's mouth. He'd barely fallen back against the bed, boneless, sweating and panting when he heard familiar voices outside. He barely had time to panic before he door was pushed open and every last breath was sucked out of him when his eyes clashed with his father's. There was this moment, suspended in time, where neither Zayn nor his father seemed to breathe, just staring at each other with similar shocked expression. The moment passed, his father's eyes thundered and everything fell apart.

 

Caleb wasn't really sure what was going on, until he turned and saw a middle aged man standing in Zayn's door, looking furious. Instinctively, he swallowed his mouthful of come and hurried into his shirt.

 

Zayn scrambled to get some clothes on all the while trembling and blabbering, "Baba, it's not--it wasn't--"

 

"Is this what you do in my house, Zayn?" His father said, voice so low and gaze so disgusted that Zayn was surprised his heart didn't stop beating. "Is this what you've become!?" Zayn saw the slap coming a mile away though it still knocked him to the floor.

 

"Get out of my house! Both of you!"

 

"No, I'm sorry, it won't happen again, please," Zayn begged, more or less crawling at his father's feet.

 

Caleb couldn't stand it. He reacted purely from his own past and shoved this bastard right in the chest. "Don't you hit him!"

 

Before his father could react, Zayn got to his feet and pushed Caleb away. "Go. Just get out," he said through gritted teeth, eyes teary.

 

Caleb looked back at Zayn, clearly hurting, but knowing he had no business being here. After grabbing his jacket, he said to Zayn swiftly, "You'll be ok," before racing from the house.

 

He wasn't. Looking at his father, Zayn knew nothing was ever going to be ok. He looked like he wanted to hit him again, he even raised his hand, and Zayn braced himself, but then his little sister came in, wide-eyed and confused. "What's happening?" she asked, looking from her father's enraged expression to Zayn's teary one.

 

Their father lowered his hand. "Pack your bags and get out, Zayn. You're no longer part of this family."

 

His mother came in, calling for her husband. "What is going on? Why was that man in our house? Tell me what is going on!"

 

Zayn couldn't look his family in the eye, his head was bowed low in shame. He heard Waliyah come in as well and when he glanced at her, her eyes were wide in understanding. "Take your little sister to her room," his father said and pushed Safaa towards her. Waliyah began to protest, but she was silenced with one, stern look.

 

"I walked in on your son fornicating with another man," his father said and Zayn winced hard.

 

"Baba, it wasn't-"

 

"Then what was it, Zayn! What were you doing!?" His father roared making Zayn shrink several sizes.

 

His mother was horrified. "No!" she gasped, immediately falling into prayer and holding her hands over her eyes as if she couldn't bear to see.

 

Zayn wanted to cry. "It's not like that. I won't ever do it again, baba, please, I won't ever, ever do it again--" He began walking up to his parents, eyes wide and begging for forgiveness. He got another stinging slap that send him tumbling to the floor. "Out of my house, now!" Zayn began to cry and crawled forward, looking up at his mom. "Mom, please, I'm so sorry."

 

"Oh, my little one!" Tears were blurring his mother's vision. "Oh, how I feared! How I feared this for you!" She was hiding behind her husband, clinging to his shirt as if her broken heart would kill her.

 

Zayn let his forehead fall against the floor, fat tears falling to the thick carpet. "I swear to God, I won't ever-"

 

"You don't know God, boy, if you did, you wouldn't ever have thought of doing that," his father said, voice harsh and unrelenting. "You have ten minutes to pack a bag and get out."

 

Zayn let out a heartbroken sob, "No, don't do this. Please, don't do this, baba. Please." He was a mess and he'd never be anything without his family. "Mama, please don't kick me out. I'm your son."

 

She shook her head and started muttering prayers softly. She still hadn't opened her eyes.

 

Zayn's heart broke into a million pieces and he knew he'd finally gone and lost everything in one fell swoop. "Pack your bags," his father repeated impatiently and shoved him hard with his foot. Zayn weakly stumbled to his feet and began packing his bags, just waiting for them to tell him to stop and stay, but his father just watched him with his jaw clenched tight and face stony. His mother wouldn't even look at him. "...where am I even supposed go?"

 

The question made his mother burst into a sob and she fled the room.

 

Zayn throat caught and he clutched the backpack where he'd shoved random articles of clothing and dared a look at his dad. "I don't care, Zayn," he said almost sadly. "You're might as well be dead to me now. Go." The pain that inflicted was like no other and Zayn grabbed his jacket, looked down and walked passed his dad. He caught sight of his sisters, peeking out from their room and looking at him with wide, sad eyes. 'Call me,' Waliyah mimed and he nodded before he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to reach us:
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> Miraal:  
>  Kik: @Miraal07


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing is a damn soap opera :D

The pain in Niall's hand caused him to have very rocky, painful sleep. It was usually worst in the morning and he generally woke up at 6, struggled to sleep for two hours, then gave up and started his day. Today, he was sick to death of Louis' beautiful house. He needed a change of scene and he knew it was too early for Zayn to be in the greenhouse. So, out he went, bus to bus, until he was at the dilapidated old building that was swiftly becoming a beautifully renovated old building. Once inside, it took him at least a full minute to realize that Zayn wasn't a pile of blankets tossed haphazardly onto the sofa. He crept closer for a better look.

 

Last night, Zayn had spent longer than he realized standing in front of the door to his home--former home--and waiting for his father to realize that he was overreacting and tell him to get inside. Zayn was willing to be grounded for the next decade, or punched, or anything as long as he wasn't completely disowned. He finally came to terms with the heartbreaking reality that he had, in fact, been kicked out. He spent half the night just driving aimlessly around in his car. At some point, he'd broken down and cried his heart out. In the small hours, he'd ended up in the greenhouse, not knowing where else to go and curled into the sofa, where he cried himself to sleep.

 

"Hey," Niall shook the sleeping form gently. "Zayn? Is that you?"

 

Zayn startled awake and turned a bit, blinking bleary eyed up at Niall. "Huh?" he mumbled, a bit disorientated.

 

"It's nine am, buddy," Niall scoffed, assuming Zayn had just lost track of time during a late night gardening frenzy. "Go home. Your family's probably wondering where you are."

 

Zayn winced as last night’s incident hit him at once and he closed his eyes, turning his face into the pillow. He didn't have a home or a family to go to. He had nothing. He clenched his eyes tighter when he felt tears press against his closed lids. Jesus, how was it possible that he had more tears left? "What are you doing here?" he asked, a soft croak to his voice. He'd hoped Niall would stay away for the break until Zayn figured out what the fuck he was going to do.

 

Niall was immediately unsettled. "I just... I just got cabin fever, you know? It's been lonely at Louis'... Zayn..." He reached out, tugging at the dirty blanket that covered the other boy. "Zayn, what's going on? What happened?"

 

Zayn clutched the covers and pulled them back over his head. "Nothing, I'm just tired," he muttered.

 

Something in Niall's gut was screaming at him that this was incredibly wrong. "Why are you sleeping here?" He saw now that Zayn had made himself quite a nest.

 

Zayn's jaw clenched a bit. "Fuck off," he said rather harshly. "Why do you even pretend that you care?" He was getting angry. Angry at his family for throwing him out without batting an eye, angry at Liam for throwing him over without a second thought, angry at Niall for abandoning him for something he couldn't control. "Just fuck off."

 

“Whoa, ok, what is going on?" he insisted, not backing down. He could see the tears pooling on Zayn's nose before they dripped down onto the pillow. His heart suddenly burst open and he sat next to Zayn on the sofa, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Please, please, tell me what's wrong."

 

Zayn jerked away from Niall's shoulder and sat up. He stared at Niall, frustrated by the tears lining his eyes, just waiting to get a chance to fall. "Business partners, remember? You don't get to know shit about me. Not anymore."

 

Niall sat up a little straighter. Zayn was right. That was their arrangement, now. It didn’t sit right with Niall all the same. His own guts felt like jelly at the thought of Zayn being so upset as to cry, but these were the parameters he had set himself. After a moment of internal struggle, Niall gave a curt nod and rose. "Ok," he said softly. "I'm gonna call your sister... Just let her know you're here."

 

Zayn fisted the dusty blanket tightly for a few moments, forcing himself to take deep breath and slow exhales. "I can call her myself," he said and rose as well, grabbing his jacket.

 

"I won't -- I won't kick you out if you want to stay. I just... I don't think you're ok," Niall whispered. This was killing him. He wanted to fold Zayn in his arms and rock him and make everything alright. "I could... Zayn, I can help." The boy looked absolutely filthy as if he hadn't showered for days. "Do you want to come to mine and take a shower?" It was a kindness Zayn had extended to him numerous times in the past.

 

Zayn self-consciously ran a hand through his dirty, unwashed hair. He shook his head, "No. You can't help." Nothing could wash away what had happened last night and his life was as shitty as it could get. "And I don't want your help, Niall. Not now. Not ever."

 

Niall was distraught. "Was it something I did?"

 

"Would you fucking stop with that shit?" Zayn snapped, getting irritated at Niall blaming himself for every fucking thing. "How the fuck does this have anything to do with you?"

 

"I don't know what it is, how should I know!?"

 

"Right, you don't know and you don't fucking need to know," Zayn said, so angry and so bitter at not only Niall, but the whole fucking world. "We're not friends anymore, Niall. And we’re never going to be again so just stay the fuck out of my personal business."

 

"Whoa, fine!" Niall said, throwing up one normal hand and one casted hand. "Shoe's on the other foot, huh? You don't want me? Fine. But I'm not leaving."

 

"Why the fuck do you need to be here? You're fucking useless with that hand. Do me the favor of staying home or wherever for the break."

 

"This is my goddamn greenhouse, too, Zayn! I have every right to be here!" he said sternly. "So we can either talk this out, or you can go sulk in your corner while I get to work! What's it going to be?"

 

"You can't even work with that--fuck you. I'm leaving." He was hungry and he needed to talk to his little sister in hopes that his father had just needed time and a night’s sleep to calm the fuck down and let him come home.

 

~*~

 

Liam was helping his father in his den rewire his mother's favorite lamp. He could tell his parents were still trying to get used to the idea of their now-not-entirely-straight son and his non-relationship with the boy he was in love with. Liam just loved them for it. They were so patient. He was twisting two wires together when his phone started ringing -- it was Louis' ringtone and he nearly leapt a mile, scrambling to get to his phone and get it to his ear, "Hello?" he asked, leaving the room for privacy. "Louis?"

 

Harry and Louis had been to some wild beach party and Harry hadn't been able to look away from Louis' bum in tight shorts. A little alcohol later they'd ended stumbling into their hotel suite, attached to each other by the mouth, hands groping hungrily. While Louis was on his hands and knees while Harry fucked him hard from behind, Harry had gotten the brilliant idea of calling Liam. He hated the guy that much. He heard Liam take it from the other end, sounding hopeful and Harry almost felt bad. Almost. He laid the phone, face down, next to him and began knocking cries out of Louis. "Louis," he moaned loudly, "God. Your tight little hole feels so good around my cock. You like that, baby?"

 

Liam wasn't sure what he was hearing at first. "Louis? Are you there...?" Perhaps it was denial that made him so slow in putting it together.

 

Louis was gripping the headboard of the bed as each relentless thrust from Harry rocked him forward. "Oh yes!" he cried, "Fuck, Harry! Right there! Don't stop!"

 

Liam knew that voice -- he knew those cries. He'd ripped them from Louis once, himself. Now, he realized, yes, that was Harry. Yes, Louis told him he was going away; of course he was going with Harry. "LOUIS!?" he roared, his blood on fire.

 

The phone wasn't on speaker, but Liam's roar was still heard like a distant sound and Louis stopped up for a moment. "What was that?" he asked, his question trailing off into a high keen as Harry slammed hard into him. "Harry!"

 

Harry smirked. "You such a slut for me, aren't you, Lou?"

 

Louis mewled. "Yes. Oh God. I love your cock so much."

 

That was enough. Liam just screamed, roared like an angry lion and the Paynes knew their son was in that rare mood that could only have been inherited from his paternal grandmother. It made them fear an impending call from the police. Mrs. Payne came running. "Liam! Honey, what is it?" She arrived just in time to see the boy smash his phone into the opposing wall. "Liam!" Try though she might, she couldn't stop her son from charging past her like a bull who saw red in every corner. He retrieved his phone, which was luckily protected by a catastrophe-proof case, and he immediately called Zayn's phone, his nostrils flaring.

 

Zayn was in a bar -- a gay bar because fuck his father and his mother-- where he'd arrived just a little ago to get smashed and then fuck some random dude. His phone rang when he saw it was Liam, he growled a bit, "What is it, Payne?"

 

"Where are you?" Liam asked, his voice rampaging out of the phone and into Zayn's ear.

 

Zayn was taken aback by the pure fire in Liam's voice. He took a slug of his drink. "In a bar. Not that it's any of your business."

 

"Which bar?" Liam demanded.

 

Zayn took another slug of the drink and with his empty stomach; it hit just the right place. He thought Liam sounded sexy when he was demanding. "The one we went to last time. Why?"

 

"Don't go anywhere. I'm coming over," Liam said, like it was written in stone. Somewhere far off, he heard his mother beg him not to leave the house, but he charged to his car and drove aggressively to that dingy bar, not giving a single thought as to why Zayn might be there.

 

Zayn looked at his phone, puzzled. "Idiot," he muttered and rolled his eyes hard. He looked up to see a man that seemed twice his age approach him and he gave him a pretty, inviting smile; he didn't give a fuck anymore.

 

Liam parked with a screech out the front. He flung himself from the vehicle and into the bar, the hurt giving him almost preternatural strength. His chest was heaving and his face was flushed. He saw some older man hanging on Zayn, trying to stuff him into his pants in broad daylight and Liam simply approached them, tearing Zayn from the man's grasp and pulling him against him.

 

Zayn stumbled against him, a little more than tipsy. "What the fuck-" he looked up at Liam, who looked angry and blinked, confused. "Liam? What are you doing?" He said and tried to pull away.

 

Zayn could try as he might to pull away, but it simply wasn't possible. "I've been an idiot, Zayn. I've been an idiot and a stupid, stupid..." he searched for a word foul enough to frame himself: "Cunt! I was wrong. I was absolutely wrong and I'm so sorry. You're my friend; you're my best friend and I never, ever should've... EVER!" He crushed Zayn to him, gripping him by the hair and smashing him into his neck.

 

It took some long seconds for Zayn's drug-addled mind to even comprehend what the actual fuck was happening. All he could smell and feel was Liam and it was making him more drunk than he already was. "Ok. Chill the fuck out, bro. You're crushing me." He pulled back enough to look at Liam's face. "What happened?"

 

That's when the anger started to wear off and the hurt started to take over. He was fisting Zayn's shirt over and over, accidentally shaking the boy and he choked out, "Louis is sleeping with Harry Styles right now. They... He even... He even called me so I had to hear it. I heard them, Zayn... I've been such a fucking fool."

 

Zayn wanted to pull away and say, 'I told you' and let Liam drown in his own misery, but looking at Liam hurting like that made Zayn hurt as well. He couldn't help it when he wrapped his arms around Liam, "Wow. That's so shitty. Fuck. I'm sorry, Liam."

 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. What I did to you is unforgivable. I can't believe I made the same mistake twice; I won't ever do it again. I promise. I'm so sorry, Zayn. I'm so sorry. I was so wrong."

 

"It's fine...just, calm down. It's alright." It wasn't alright, but Zayn didn't know what else to say when Liam looked so wrecked. "It's ok."

 

Liam just squeezed him. He crushed him in his arms so hard, Zayn probably could've lifted his feet off the floor and not budged an inch. "Be my friend again. Say you'll forgive me."

 

Zayn rested his nose against Liam's neck and let himself indulge in the scent of him. He smelled so good. "I'm a bit drunk right now. Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow or something."

 

"No. No, I need you now," Liam said. "I have to make this right with you right now. I can't wait, it'll kill me."

 

"Ok. Fine. We're friends again." Zayn was kind of disturbed with how easily he went along with that, but Liam was giving him those eyes. Liam had been a bit insane, Zayn reasoned, insane with stupid love for a stupid boy. "I forgive you. Now, can you release me? I can barely breathe."

 

Liam loosened his grip but he didn't let him go. "Can we get out of here?" He looked around and only then did it hit him that Zayn was in a gay bar in the middle of the day. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

 

Zayn looked around as well and for a brief moment looked a bit confused himself. He looked back at Liam and said bluntly, "I'm here to get fucked. Figuratively. And Literally."

 

That startled Liam a little bit, but he still kept a tight grip on the form in his arms. "Well... Do you have to do that right now?" he asked, either unwilling or unable to release Zayn from his embrace.

 

"Yeah," Zayn said and grabbed Liam's arm, trying fruitlessly to move out of his grip. "I kind of do." He needed someone to fuck his brains out, maybe every other organ too, until he felt numb everywhere. "We can hang out later or something."

 

"No, no, stay with me," Liam urged, needy. Then, he blurted, "I'll fuck you. Just... stay with me." He felt like if he was alone, he might self-destruct.

 

Zayn's brain short-circuited for a moment and he stared at Liam. "You'll fuck me?" he asked, mouth a bit dry and getting hot everywhere. Liam was so much better than everyone else here.

 

"Y-Yeah..." Liam said, pulling back to look at Zayn's face. He'd always found Zayn incredibly beautiful, he was just hard to see through the obsessive haze he had for Louis. "Yes. If you want me to." He was determined. Zayn felt so good in his arms and he needed to stick it to Louis in a major way.

 

This was a bad idea but in his misery, everything bad was good in Zayn's mind. He ran his hands along Liam's bicep, eyes dropping to his mouth. He leaned a bit closer, long eyelashes fluttering "Yeah? Do you want to fuck me?"

 

Liam didn't answer verbally. He blinked at Zayn once, twice, then sunk his fingers in Zayn's hair and pulled him in for a scorching kiss. Before Zayn could get his bearings back, Liam just scooped him up in his arms and marched right out the doors with him. He opened the car door and settled Zayn into the passenger seat. Once he was in the driver's, he said, "I know a nice hotel. Let's go there." He wasn't going to have sex with Zayn in his house while his parents were home and it seemed ungentlemanly to ask Zayn to host.

 

Zayn was still in a trance from that kiss and he was so incredibly turned on by the way Liam had just grabbed him and carried him out. Dear God. His heartbeat was so loud he was sure it could be heard all the way home at his parents. "Yeah," he said, still a bit dazed. "Let's do that."

 

Liam stroked his hair firmly before pulling out and hurrying to the hotel, his jaw working the whole time. It was only after three very heavy sighs that he pulled into a nice, privately owned hotel that looked more like a B&B. Liam took Zayn's hand and kissed it and even came around the car and opened Zayn's door for him. "Are you alright?" he asked, seeing Zayn's dazed state.

 

Zayn snapped out of it a bit and felt his face heat up a little. "Um yeah. I'm alright." He just wanted to tear Liam's shirt off and kiss every inch of his body. He could feel his dick fatten at the mere thought. "I'm good."

 

Liam gave him a little smile and led him inside. There was a small delay as he registered them and paid for the room. He got the key and put his hand on the small of Zayn's back to lead him through the cozy, well-kept halls. But once he got the door open, his gentlemanly manner took a back seat and he pushed Zayn against the door, lifted him onto his hips and kissed him savagely.

 

Zayn gasped into his mouth and wrapped his legs around Liam's waist, grabbing the front of his shirt and kissing him back for all he was worth. "Liam, Liam, fuck," he panted, running his hand through Liam's floppy hair and tugging in it, grinding up against Liam.

 

Liam snarled into his mouth and eagerly worked Zayn's shirt over his head. Then he fell to kissing Zayn's neck and shoulders as he lifted him from the door and carried him over to the California king sized bed.

 

Zayn had never been so turned on in his life and he thought he might come just from this. He would die for this. He threw his head back to give Liam more access, moaning. His fingers were working fervently on Liam's nice, rich jumper, eager to get it off and feel the skin underneath.

 

Once Liam had tackled Zayn to the bed, he pulled his jumper up over his head, revealing the physique of a boy grown into a man. His shoulders were broad, his muscles were hard and defined, but he still only had a light smattering of hair between his pectorals. As Zayn studied him, he deftly opened Zayn's fly and worked his boxers down over his hips. "Did you bring anything?"

 

Zayn was so enchanted by Liam's upper body, feeling it up and admiring it, salivating over it that he barely registered Liam's question. "Yeah," he said, “in my jeans.”

 

He might’ve been embarrassed that he was so prepared, but as he kissed across Liam’s broad expanse of chest, he couldn’t find himself caring. Liam made quick work of the bundle of jeans on the floor and triumphantly held the package of lube above his head. “Aha!” Then a thought occurred to him. “No condoms. Do you care?”

 

"No. No problem," Zayn said, panting lightly, stroking Liam's face and kissing his wonderful lips.

 

Zayn reached for him and pulled him close, taking his lips in his again. He began a quick work on his jeans, eager to get him out of them so he could see and touch Liam's dick.

 

Liam eagerly wiggled out of his clothes, leaving sucking kisses all over Zayn's body that would leave a trail of dark marks that he could retrace tomorrow. He ducked down and placed those fierce kisses on his thighs and, when he flipped Zayn onto his front, on the soft, yummy flesh of his butt.

 

"Your cock. Oh God." Zayn had never actually thought Liam had such a massive dick hidden away and his whole body was on fire at the thought of having that deep inside of him.

 

Liam brought Zayn's hand back between his open thighs and put it on his still hardening cock. Then, without warning, he pushed his entire tongue up Zayn's hole and began eagerly pumping it in and out. It was clear Liam wanted inside him -- and fast.

 

Zayn bucked, shamelessly chanting Liam's name in between the string of moans and whimpers. He wasn't sure he could hold of much longer, his cock as swelling and splattering precum messily. "Liam-Oh-I'm gonna come." He really didn't want to come before getting Liam inside of him.

 

Liam pulled away with his tongue. "You want me to fuck you?" he panted, pushing a finger up Zayn instead.

 

Zayn writhed and nodded. "Fuck, yes," he mewled, arching a bit and rocking back against Liam's finger.

 

Liam sunk in a second finger and reached around to so slowly stroke Zayn's leaking dick. "Do you want it to hurt a little?" he asked against the small of Zayn's back. Louis had always wanted to be a little under prepared.

 

Zayn wanted it to hurt a lot. Enough so he could completely erase the look in his father's eyes as he told him he might as well be dead to him. "Yes," he said, panting slightly. "Fuck me as hard as you can."

 

Liam nodded and lubed up his cock, dipping some in Zayn's tight hole as well. "Let me know if it's too much," he said, before sinking the tip of his cock into Zayn's sphincter. The grip nearly made him pass out.

 

Zayn took in a pained breath and bit down his bottom lip so hard, the soft skin broke, small beads of blood oozing out. He threw his head back, eyes screwed tightly shut. The pain was acute and exactly what Zayn needed. "Go on," he croaked. "Don't stop."

 

Liam was perfectly capable of giving Zayn what he needed. He pushed deep until he was fully lodged in Zayn's chute, his hard dick throbbing in the virginally tight passage. Then he started to thrust, pulling Zayn back against his hips as he shunted forward.

 

Zayn's eyes glazed over and he let out a sharp yelp. It was exactly what he needed, all he could feel was the feel of Liam's massive cock spreading him open.

 

Liam took hold of his shoulders and used them for leverage, thrusting hungrily into the boy beneath him. He kissed his neck, his shoulders and stroked a hand through his hair, pulling his head back so he could kiss and bite along his jaw.

 

The sharp pain steadily got replaced with pleasure until Zayn's mind was ablaze and he was rewarding Liam with lewd moans and cries, spreading his thighs wider for him. He absolutely loved this; he loved Liam going from a soft puppy to this. It set his blood on fire. He tilted his face. "Kiss me," he panted, reaching for Liam's lips with his own.

 

Liam stared down at him, his eyes dark and dangerous, before taking Zayn's mouth in a savage kiss, slowing his pace as he thrust into him, snarling softly into his mouth.

 

Zayn immediately grabbed the back of Liam's neck to keep him there, kissing him back hungrily. This was everything, he thought, this was worth nearly everything. He was so dangerously close already, he felt dizzy. He just needed a hand on his dick and he instinctively reached down for it.

 

Liam smacked his hand away and took hold of it himself, his hips gearing up again as he pushed himself fast and deep into Zayn's body. His groans sounded like roars and snarls and it was clear his time was coming fast.

 

Zayn couldn't have lasted a second longer if his life depended on it. His orgasm tore a sharp cry from his throat and he came harder than he ever thought possible, shooting over Liam's fist, body trembling with the aftershocks. Once he was done, he felt back against the bed, sweating and filthy and convinced he'd never move a muscle ever again.

 

Liam bit hard on the flesh of his shoulder and after a few demanding thrusts, was unloading his cum into Zayn's willing body in long, hot streaks. He braced himself against the wall to not collapse on top of Zayn, his chest heaving and covered in sweat.

 

Zayn didn't have the sense of mind to determine if he actually liked another guy filling him up with his cum, but as he stared up at Liam's face in a post-orgasmic haze, he didn't give a shit. Liam was fucking beautiful and he managed to lift a hand and trail it along his chest.

 

Liam seemed to come back to himself when Zayn touched him. He looked down at the boy and gasped, "You ok?"

 

Zayn blinked, slowly. "I think you broke something," he said with a slight smirk. "I'm afraid to move."

 

"Really?" Liam's eyebrows went up. "I hurt you?" He immediately pulled back and started to investigate.

 

Zayn watched him for a few seconds, fascinated at how quickly he transformed back to sweet, concerned Liam. "No, I'm fine," he said. His body was aching everywhere but in the best ways. He was so exhausted, though. He just wanted to curl up and sleep. Preferably cuddle up to Liam.

 

Liam gently pulled out of him and didn't really know what to do. He didn't hook up. He never had casual sex. He sat back on his heels and looked awkward for a few seconds. Liam was grateful for the distraction when his phone started ringing. He went to his pants and was surprised to see Niall's name on the screen. "Why is Niall calling me?" He asked as he hit the 'answer' key and said, "What?"

 

Zayn closed his legs and sat up sharply, letting out a small groan at the sharp jab of pain up his spine. He stared at Liam. "Hang up," he said, knowing all too well why Niall was calling.

 

"Hey," Niall said with equal curtness. "Are you with Zayn?"

 

"What do you care?"

 

"Just tell me if you're with Zayn, alright? I'm worried about him. I just want to know if he's ok."

 

".... Why are you worried about him?"

 

"Just fucking have you heard from him or not?"

 

"He's right here." He heard Niall heave a sigh of relief. "Ok. Good. So, you guys are, like, friends again, huh?" It was clear he wasn't pleased about that last part.

 

Agitated, Liam replied, "I just got a call from Louis -- he wanted me to know he and your boyfriend are deep-dicking all week. I got a chance to listen in."

 

There was a staunch, uncomfortable silence before Niall just hung up.

 

Liam looked at his phone. "That was weird."

 

Zayn felt uncomfortable and instinctively worried about Niall. "Do you think they had some kind of agreement? He and Styles?" He asked and reached for the sheets, covering himself.

 

"I don't know. I don't care, really." Liam looked up at Zayn and how vulnerable he looked. "Are you... Are you ok? He seemed to think you wouldn't be ok."

 

Zayn nodded automatically and looked away. Now that the haze of lust had cleared, he felt ashamed and shitty. "Um. I'll just clean up in the bathroom,” he said and stumbled to his feet, avoiding Liam’s eyes. He shuffled awkwardly to the little en suite and ran his fingers along the vanity.

 

"Did you two fight again?" Liam asked, following him to the bathroom door.

 

"Sort of," he said. "Something like that." He swallowed around the sudden football-sized lump in his throat and he wondered why he'd thought this was even a remotely good idea.

 

"Zayn..." Liam could see the weirdness going on inside him. "Hey..." He went into the small room and pulled Zayn against his chest, hugging him tight. "You're my best friend, alright? This doesn't have to be... weird..."

 

Zayn easily fell into Liam's arms and he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror over Liam's shoulder. His throat caught a bit as he was assaulted with shame and he wondered what his father would do if he could see him right now. Did he even care anymore? Zayn didn't even realize the tears rolling down his cheeks.

 

Liam did. "Zayn.... Zayn, what's wrong?"

 

Zayn took in a broken breath and pulled away from Liam. "I fucked up," he said, voice brittle. He pushed past Liam into the main room, and went about pulling his boxers and jeans on, not caring about the cum dripping from down the length of his thigh. "I fucked up really bad."

 

That made Liam wince, but he understood that Zayn might not want to be naked and vulnerable right now. "Why? What happened?"

 

Zayn sat down on the bed and pulled his shirt over his head, wiping away his tears only for new ones to replace them. "I-I...my dad caught me with a guy last night," he looked up at Liam, teary and broken. "He disowned me without a second thought."

 

Liam's eyes went wide. "Oh.... Oh, Zayn..." He carefully came to the bed and sat next to him. He was embarrassed that he'd gotten so lost in his drama with Louis that he didn't even think to ask about Zayn. He reached out and folded the other boy in his arms.

 

Zayn curled his hands into tight fists as he for a few seconds tried to convince himself that he could pull himself back from breaking down. But it was inevitable, all he had to do was think of the look in his parents' eyes and his shoulders were shaking with each heart-wrenching sob. "My mother couldn't even look at me, Liam, she couldn't even fucking look me in the eye and my dad told me I was dead to him." Zayn gasped between his wet sobs. "What do I do? What do I do, Liam? I'm nothing. I'm nothing without my family."

 

Liam kissed his head hard. "Don't say that. Don't ever believe that. So many people care about you, Zayn. I care about you. Your parents have made a stupid mistake. A really stupid mistake but that doesn't mean you aren't loveable."

 

Zayn shook his head and sniffled hard. "That's not true. That's a fucking lie. You did the same. You didn't even blink when you threw me over, Liam. Like it was nothing to you. Like I meant nothing to you."

 

"But I got smart," Liam said, unshaking on this. "I did something stupid, I did something really fucking stupid, but I got smart. I'm not leaving you. Not if Louis comes back and offers me the world, I won't give you up for anything, now. I know what I did was stupid and you have to know that, even if it isn't tomorrow, your parents may do the same thing." He gripped Zayn's skull in his large hands and kept him locked under his chin. "I'm not leaving you -- ever, not for anything."

 

Under all the dark despair and pain, Liam's words lit something warm that felt like hope and Zayn latched onto it immediately, desperately; he needed it if he was ever going to get through this. "You should have seen the way they looked at me," he said, sniffling softly. "Like...like I was something rotten."

 

"That doesn't mean you are," Liam said, nuzzling into his hair. "It means they've been brainwashed all their lives to see and fear rottenness." He kissed Zayn's scalp over and over. "But you're not rotten. I have very discriminating tastes and you're my favorite. You're my absolute favorite."

 

That actually made Zayn smile and he nuzzled closer to Liam, feeling warm deep inside. "I just want to get in my car and drive far away and reinvent myself in a new life." He'd nearly done it last night, been so close, convinced that he had nothing to stay for anymore. But it had been the knowledge that without him, the weed business would crumble and he'd inevitably screw Niall over. He couldn't do that.

 

"We can go away," Liam said softly. "There are four vacation days left. We can go away somewhere. My parents are always telling me to venture out. I just like helping my dad fix lamps too much, so I don't," he laughed at himself softly.

 

Zayn shook his head. "I can't." That sounded amazing. It sounded exactly like what he needed. "I need to work in the greenhouse. More now than ever, considering that's the only place I'll have to rely on for money from now on." He swallowed and dried his wet cheeks.

 

"Nope. Niall can take care of it. And you can stay with us for as long as you need -- my parents just love you. Let Niall and the greenhouse have some alone time together -- let's go someplace nice; just for four days." He leaned in and put his forehead on Zayn's, nuzzling him. "Only four little days."

 

Zayn ignored the way his heart skipped a beat and stared into Liam's eyes before he had to lower his gaze, which only made it drop to Liam's lips. He wondered if he was still allowed to kiss him. "Four days," he repeated. Niall could do the basic maintenance of the plants for four days with a broken hand, right? "Where would we go?"

 

"Well..." Liam immediately went into left-brain planning mode. "Since we only have four days, we don't want to waste them on travel, so maybe, like, Maine? Or Vermont? Somewhere we can go hiking and see wildlife and boat on a lake or something?" Liam smiled. "Then we could come in and build a fire in the fireplace and eat marshmallows and stuff like that." He smiled at Zayn like he couldn't believe he'd come up with such a brilliant idea so fast.

 

"You're kind of adorable," Zayn said, smiling a smile where he pressed his tongue against the back of his teeth, nose scrunching up a bit. "I've never been out of state. Except that party in New York." He took a deep breath. "I have to sort a few things out with Niall regarding the plants." And perhaps he also wanted to make sure the blonde was alright. "But that sounds lovely."

 

Liam laughed out loud, happy. Then he took Zayn's head and kissed him hard, right on the lips. "Good! This will be good for both of us!"

 

Zayn heart made a funny little jump and he ignored it again, grinning right back at Liam. "Yeah," he said and leaned in, kissing Liam. "I can't wait."

 

~*~

 

There were a few broken pots in the corner that weren't there before when Zayn got to the greenhouse. Niall was sitting with the drywall that would become the bathroom, staring intently at the pipes that came out of the ground, his cheeks pink.

 

Zayn had taken a shower and changed clothes so he looked more presentable than earlier when he arrived at the greenhouse. He looked around at the damage, his gaze slowly coming to a test on Niall. "Hey," he said quietly.

 

Niall looked up at him, seeming to compose himself in front of company. "Hey..." He was definitely surprised to see him. "I thought you had stormed out in a huff, never to return."

 

Zayn shrugged a bit. "No, this place kind of depends on me, doesn't it?" he said with a slight smile. "What happened?" he asked, and gestured to the broken pots.

 

"Broke some pots," Niall said matter-of-factly.

 

"Just for the heck of it?" Zayn asked with a raised brow.

 

"You weren’t there when Liam called me?" Niall asked, his voice resigned.

 

Zayn was quiet for a few moments, wondering if he had any right to prod Niall further; that'd be a bit hypocritical, he supposed. "I'm leaving for a few days," he said and walked up to one of the plants, gently touching one beautiful, lush leaf. "So, you need to be here and take care of the plants. I'd like to go over the basics do's and don’ts with you."

 

Niall rose a little unsteadily. "Where are you going?"

 

"I'm just taking a few days off," Zayn said simply, “to let off some steam."

 

"You're out of school," Niall reasoned. "What else do you need to take off from? Me?" He tried to make it sound like a joke, but their history made it sour all the same.

 

Zayn shook his head and turned to look at Niall. "No," he said firmly. "Things aren't really great back home. I just need some time away."

 

"Oh... Ok," Niall said, feeling so awkward and uncomfortable because of this distance between them. "When will you be back?"

 

"Monday," Zayn said and glanced at Niall. "That cool with you?"

 

Niall shrugged. "Not for me to be cool with or not..." He dropped his head, a frown on his face.

 

Zayn pulled sucked on his bottom lip for a few second. "I just need to know if you're capable to take care of the plants. We need to start selling big time as soon as possible." He was going to run out of what little money he had soon.

 

Niall nodded. "Yeah... Yeah, man, I mean... Yeah." He stole a glance at Zayn. There was a mark on his neck, like a cut or a horrible bruise, "What is that--?" But as soon as Niall reached for it, he knew what it was. "Oh...!"

 

Zayn immediately covered the mark with hand, self-conscious. "What?" he asked, wary. He had a good feeling what it was Niall had seen. If he concentrated hard enough, he could still feel Liam's mouth on his body.

 

Niall just shook his head. "Nothing. Sorry. Just show me what I need to do."

 

Zayn nodded. "Ok," he said and began explaining everything in great detail, yet simple enough for Niall to get it. He kept glancing back at Niall to make sure he was listening and following.

 

Niall kept not listening. He kept blinking back to the present and saying, "Sorry, could you repeat that?"

 

Zayn patiently repeated it, but when he asked Niall a simple question, he couldn't get it right. He sighed and stopped up. "You're distracted," he said. "What's wrong?"

 

Niall winced and shook his head. "Nothing. It's.. nothing." He closed his eyes for a few seconds, then he said, "I did the stupidest fucking thing, Zayn, I did the stupidest fucking thing. I -- I told Harry I didn't mind if he slept with Louis and I wouldn't ask about what happened while they were away and I... What the fuck was I thinking!!?"

 

Zayn looked at Niall for a moment. "I don't know," he said honestly, because he had no clue what the nature of Niall and Harry's relationship was. "Why would they even call Liam? What was the fucking point of hurting him like that?"

 

Niall's face crumpled for a moment. "I don't know... I don't... They're not that mean. They're not supposed to be that mean. Harry wouldn't... He... It had to have been a mistake. Seriously, Zayn, it had to have been a mistake." He was really warming to that idea.

 

"I don't see how they somehow could call Liam in the middle of sex by mistake," Zayn said. "They're just disgusting, privileged, rich kids."

 

Niall was beginning to fear that was true. He winced. "So, I shouldn't chew myself up over it. Harry would've fucked him anyway..." He rubbed his hand over his forehead. He was clearly freaking out over this.

 

"The way Liam described it, it seems to me that they've always been all over each other. There must've been a real reason why Liam would feel constantly insecure and jealous when he was with Louis," Zayn said and felt angry at Tomlinson, because Liam deserved so much more than him. "I really have a hard time understanding why you even like them. Like, they're the exact definition of people we'd never associate with."

 

"Not helpful, Zayn!" Niall yelped, backing away from him, putting his hands over his ears. "Not fucking helpful! I'm trying to calm down!"

 

Zayn sighed. "Sorry," he said and watched Niall for a few moments. "So...you were never exclusive?" He just wanted to know.

 

"I don't... I don't... I talked about going with them, thinking the three of us could be together and he freaked out. He said we're either all in or we're open and I said, 'ok, then, we're all in'. And then... I don't know what I was thinking... I told him I wouldn't ask about what happened over vacation. I don't know... I don't know, I think it was... I think I was ... Maybe trying to get him to warm up to the idea of maybe us playing with Louis sometimes, but apparently, it's Harry gets to play with Louis sometimes while Niall sits at home with his goddamn thumb up his butt!" Niall roared, picking up another empty pot and hurling it at the wall. "FUCK! If they were going to fuck each other, why couldn't I be there!? Why did Harry freak out about the three of us, but he's perfectly fine having a fucking romantic fucking love vacation with Louis with-fucking-out me!!"

 

Zayn watched Niall rage and waited patiently for it to be over before he approached Niall. "I can't tell you what Harry Style's is thinking. You'd have to ask him. Though you should remember that they'll always be loyal to each other. They'll choose each over you." That was what it meant to be best friends; if these piece of shit rich kids even knew what it meant to be best friends.

 

"Don't say that to me, Zayn! They're all I have, alright? Stop trying to-to alienate me from them!"

 

Zayn winced a bit. He felt a little guilty, because yeah, that might be what he's doing subconsciously. "I'll just keep my mouth shut. It isn't any of my business," he said and sighed. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "I'm ready to get back to actual business whenever you are."

 

Niall lifted himself on to the edge of the table, back to Zayn and just put his head in his hands. It took a minute to become clear that he was crying. Then, he said softly, "He said he loved me, but I don't know if I believe him."

 

Zayn's heart tugged and he awkwardly patted Niall's shoulder. "I don't what to say," he said and offered Niall his cigarette. He wanted to kick Harry's ass and Louis'. Jesus. They didn't get to hurt Liam and Niall and get away with it. Fucking bastards.

 

Niall sniffed and took his cigarette gratefully. "I'm going to his house tonight anyway," to meet with Ray was left implied. "Maybe I'll shit in his bed or something," he scoffed.

 

That made Zayn snort. "That might not be the best kind of revenge," he said and reached out to muss Niall's hair, though dropped it when he realized what he'd been about to do.  So, Harry obviously didn't know about Ray yet. Zayn didn't want to bring it up; there was no reason to upset Niall further.

 

"Guh... I have no defense. I fucking told him he could. I told him." He shook his head.

 

"I don't understand their relationship," Zayn said and reached for the cigarette, taking a deep drag. "They just can't stay away from each other?"

 

"Zayn," Niall huffed, resigned. Zayn seemed to be intentionally saying shitty things and it was making Niall regret opening his mouth. He didn't need someone making things worse right now -- at all.

 

"Sorry," Zayn said with a sigh and ran his hand through his hair, disrupting it. "Are you ready to get back to work?"

 

No. Niall couldn't concentrate. He was in a froth. "Look, just write it down and text it to me or something, ok? I'm fucking useless right now."

 

Zayn considered that. He'd much rather have liked to see for himself if Niall could do what was needed, but clearly he wasn't of much use at the moment. "Alright," he said. "I'll write the instructions. Just text me if there's something you don't understand."

 

Niall nodded, wincing, missing his old friend. He let out a sigh. "Just... don't go yet, ok?"

 

Zayn stopped up and looked back at Niall. The boy was a mere couple of feet away but it felt like seven galaxies were between them. "What's up?"

 

"Just..." Niall shook his head. "Don't go. I don't want to be alone. Just talk to me. Please."

 

Niall looked so small and vulnerable and Zayn wanted to do what he'd done so many times before; hug him and tell him that he was there for him, that everything would be alright. He swallowed a bit. "We could share a spliff if you'd like."

 

"Yeah. Yeah. Abso-fucking-lutely." He watched with no small amount of reverence as Zayn plucked some buds from his beautiful plants and started preparing the joint. "So... You and Liam are friends again?"

 

"Yeah," Zayn said with a curt nod and prepared the join swiftly. "I love this couch, by the way," he said and sunk into the plush seats, fishing out a lighter.

 

"Yeah, it's nice," Niall said. "I picked it out..." He'd picked out everything. He'd done all the work. "So... You going to tell me what happened?"

 

Zayn struggled with the lighter for a few seconds. "Huh?" he said, playing dumb. He finally got the joint lit and took a deep drag and held the smoke in for as long as possible. He tilted his face back and curled his mouth, blowing the smoke out in perfect rings. "Come take your hit."

 

Niall came and sat by him on the sofa. "Thanks... I just mean, why you were sleeping in here last night."

 

Zayn passed the cigarette to Niall. He sunk deeper into the cushion and looked up at the ceiling. "My dad disowned me out after catching me with a guy," Zayn said, almost casually.

 

Niall was about to fold his lips around the joint, but that stopped him dead. "What?"

 

Zayn closed his eyes for a brief second and saw that look in his father's eyes that made his chest feel impossibly heavy. "Yeah. I screwed up."

 

"Wh-- Wh-- Zayn!" Niall said, his heart opening for his friend as if there had never been any disagreement between them. "Zayn..." He reached out and squeezed Zayn tightly, his face smashed into his shoulder. "Aw, Zayn... I'm so sorry..." And he truly was. There was no victory in this for him.

 

Zayn hadn't known he needed a Niall hug as badly as he did. He dipped his face into the crook of Niall's neck and let out a deep sigh. "It was bad," he said softly. "I don't know what I'm going to do except wait for them to take me back." He'd do about anything if it meant his family would forgive him.

 

"You can-- You can-- You can stay with me at Louis', if you want. Or here, I can... I can make it really nice. I could buy a bed and a heater and everything. Or... Just-- We'll make it work, Zayn. I promise."

 

Zayn smiled, warmed. "Thanks, babe, but I'd rather sleep on the sidewalk than live in Tomlinson's house. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Liam had offered him to stay at his, but Zayn wasn't entirely sold on that idea; it felt rude and inappropriate considering Liam's parents.

 

Niall understood that. "Well, you're not living on the sidewalk. I'll set you up here. With everything." He gave Zayn a squeeze. "And I'll make Louis pay for it." That felt good.

 

Zayn looked around at the greenhouse and he already felt home-sick even though he'd barely been away for 24 hours. All his things were still in his room, his comics, his sketches, his clothes, some of his money, every fucking thing was still there. He wondered if his father was pissed enough to burn everything. "Thank you, but don't do anything yet. I'm not sure I want to stay here, either. I might end up smoking all the plants," he said with a wry smile.

 

Niall laughed. That was true enough. "Then... Where will you go?"

 

"I'm not sure yet. Liam offered me to stay at his. I might do that for a few nights till I find an alternative."

 

Niall's face fell a little. "Is that... who you were with?"

 

"Who I was caught with?" Zayn shook his head. "No. Some random dude."

 

It was like he enjoyed picking scabs. "Mmm. So. You're... bi, then?"

 

Zayn wasn't much for labels, but he supposed he was. "It's not easy. I see potential in everyone now." He found it pretty weird that he now was attracted to both girls and boys. "But yeah. I guess I am."

 

Niall nodded. He let his arms fall from around his friend. He was so confused. "So do you think... Do you think you're capable of loving men? Or you're just... attracted to them?"

 

"Um-" Zayn blinked and gave it some thought. "Well...I don't know. I haven't really loved a girl before either, have I?" Alright, there was once he was convinced that he was in love with a chick in ninth grade, but that had been pure hormones. "Not love love, y'know...I have no idea. I'm still trying to figure myself out."

 

Niall nodded. That was fair enough. "Sure. When you know, you'll know," he said with surety. "It'll hit you like a frying pan between the eyes," he gave a light scoff.

 

"Sounds painful," Zayn said with a smile. He took a deep breath. "Do you ever get the thought of just leaving everything behind and go far, far away to...like Europe and just start a new life, reinvent yourself?"

 

"Yep." Niall had thought about that for the pair of them for some time. "I think about that for when after... y'know. After Amy."

 

Zayn winced a bit. He didn't want to think about a time 'After Amy'; it was too painful. He couldn't begin to imagine how Niall must feel with the knowledge that he'd get that call any minute of the day. "She might get better," Zayn said, hopeful. "She's a fighter."

 

"We have to face it, Zayn. I mean... Sooner or later, we have to come to grips with it."

 

Zayn swallowed. He put his hand on Niall's arm. "I'm here whenever you need me," he said. "Just don't forget that. I'll never stop caring."

 

Niall smiled, scoffing slightly. "Look at us. It's almost like before."

 

Zayn smirked a bit. "I don't have much left in this town if my family doesn't take me back. I’ll leave. Just drive and never look back again."

 

"Don't. Don't do that. Zayn, I know things've been... Ok, they've been fucking terrible between us, but I still... I mean... You're still so important to me." He sighed heavily. "Fuck."

 

"Why do you think I didn't leave?" Zayn asked softly.

 

Niall felt his eyes prick with tears. He hugged Zayn's arm to him tightly and pressed into his neck. "Aw, man. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Zayn..." He was sorry of course that his father had kicked him out. He might be sorrier still that his feelings and behavior had driven such a wedge between them.

 

Zayn kissed the top of Niall's head and softly stroked the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, too." He was sorry for a lot of things, for things getting shitty between them, for taking a guy home and inevitably getting disowned. "Would be cool if we could just leave. Together. This dead beat town is only holding us down anyways."

 

Niall smirked. "It could happen, Zayn," he said, missing this feeling of the two of them being alone in the world. "It could still happen for us." Then Zayn's phone buzzed with a text and Niall suddenly felt they weren't all alone in the world.

 

Zayn pulled back with an apologetic smile and fished his phone out, checking it.

 

It was Liam: ‘Hey! Where are you? I got us tickets!’

 

Zayn couldn't keep back the smile and his heart made an excited skip. 'I'll be there soon.' He texted back, before looking back at Niall. "Are you sure you're going to be alright by yourself for the next few days?"

 

Niall glanced at the phone, then to Zayn. "Where are you going?"

 

Zayn was a bit hesitant, "Just a little trip with Liam."

 

"..... oh," Niall said, feeling the burn. "Oh."

 

Zayn felt guilty. He didn't want to hurt Niall or for that matter ruin what they'd just fixed. "It's just for a few days," he repeated. "If you need any help or anything, just call me, yeah?"

 

Niall nodded a little stiffly. "So, are you two, like... a couple, now?" His voice was a little raspier than it had been before.

 

Zayn quickly shook his head. "What? No! No, we aren't. Where did that even come from?"

 

Niall shrugged, and spoke very simply, "Probably that day I saw you two here on the sofa, swallowing each other's faces. Oh, and the night at the dance when you were kissing him on the car. Those two things, probably, is where that came from."

 

Zayn felt his face burn and he looked away. Zayn decided that Niall was never going to find out that he and Liam had slept together if it was the last thing he did. "We aren't," he said, firmly. "He's in love with Louis." Zayn couldn't wait till Liam got over him.

 

"Not anymore, probably," Niall said, rubbing his face. "Fuck. This is all my fault; I'm so fucking stupid."

 

"Liam’s pissed, but I don't think it made him fall out of love," Zayn said and kept down the hopefulness; that would be too good to be true. "Right?"

 

"You're asking me? I know all of 12 minutes of Liam. You’re his bestie."

 

"He's kind of obsessed with Louis," Zayn said with a sigh. "Nothing that'll fade overnight."

 

Niall studied Zayn's face. "You're into him."

 

"I'm not," Zayn said, the denial a little too fast to be quite convincing. "Why do you think that?"

 

"I know you, Zayn. No one knows you better than I do."

 

"He's my friend," Zayn insisted. A friend that he wanted to kiss and fuck and cuddle. Fuck. "Just a friend."

 

Niall's mouth went squiggly. "Well. Serves you right," he said lightly, speaking of unrequited love. Nothing in him was malicious; he felt the pain that had spurred him so violently before was now only a low, deep sadness.

 

Zayn gave a humorless laugh at the joke, too uncomfortable with this discussion to bear it. "I have to go," he said and got to his feet, shrugging on his jacket. "I'll text you the instructions."

 

"Have fun, Zayn," Niall smiled for him as he left.

 

Zayn gave Niall a quick hug. "Thank you." He flashed him a smile in turn, before he sauntered off.

 

Niall sat in the still darkness for some time. An hour at least. Then, he pulled out his phone and called Harry, uncaring of the time difference.

 

It was in the ungodly hours of the morning when Harry's phone began to ring. He groaned irritably. "What the fuck-" he muttered as he blindly reached across Louis’ snoring, naked form and grabbed his phone from the nightstand. He took it without looking who it was, "What?" he said, grumpy and half asleep.

 

"Harry, come back," Niall said simply. "I made a mistake."

 

Harry blinked awake at the sound of Niall's voice. "What?" he asked, confused. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Did something happen?"

 

"Yeah," Niall huffed heavily. "I made a terrible mistake telling you it was ok if you fucked Louis and I want you to come home. Please."

 

Harry hadn't expected for Niall to know that. The only way Niall could've found out was through Zayn who'd found out from Liam. Shit. The next morning after that phone-call, Harry had realized that maybe it hadn't been such a brilliant idea. He was going to deny any knowledge of it, though. "Ok," he said easily, "I'll come home." He was also thrilled that Niall actually gave a damn that Harry was sleeping with other people. "What changed your mind?"

 

Niall's mind sputtered on that one a bit and he changed the subject. "Why did you call Liam?"

 

‘Fuck’ was the first word that went through Harry's head followed by deny, deny, deny. "What?" he asked. "What are you talking about?"

 

"Liam got a phone call and heard you two fucking. Why did you call him?"

 

Louis began shifting and Harry got out of the bed, walking up to the window. "What-how? I don't even know what you're talking about. When?"

 

There was something slightly suspicious here but Niall couldn't put his finger on it. "I don't know when -- other than it was when you two were fucking… Or is that just happening so non-stop over there that that isn't specific enough?" There was a heap of bitterness in his voice that he knew wasn't fair.

 

"You sound mad, love," Harry said, purposefully. "Why are you mad? You told me that you didn't mind if I fucked left and right, remember?"

 

"And I told you, I made a mistake in telling you that." He sighed, trying to calm himself. "I know I don't have a right to be angry, but I am. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, and I'm jealous as hell, and I want you back here."

 

That made Harry so happy and he leaned against the window and looked over the sparkling city, smiling. "Ok. I'll be back as soon as I can," he said and glanced back at Louis who was still asleep.

 

Niall sighed harshly through his nose. "I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, letting you go off and have a romantic fucking holiday with a man that's not me. And what the hell is it with you two? Are you just addicted to each other or something?"

 

Harry smirked a bit. "We might be the tiniest bit co-dependent on each other. Nothing to worry about, love," he said lightly. He sat down on the window-sill. "Can you send me a dick pic?"

 

"No, Harry, I'm angry," Niall said frankly. "I never thought you would actually... I mean, you freaked out at the thought of the three of us having sex. Would it have been so much worse if I was there?"

 

"Aw," Harry said with a disappointed pout. "And yes. I don't want to see you touching or getting touched by another man. Your cock is mine."

 

"Yeah, well, I don't want to share yours, either. It isn't fair."

 

"It was fair. If you'd told me that the night before I left, I wouldn't have slept with anyone." He liked to think he would have been able to resist pretty, smart French girls and Louis' bum in tight shorts.

 

"Right, well, I made an agreement with you that wasn't fair to me. I'm sorry I did it. It was stupid. I just shot myself in the foot. There's no way I like the idea of the two of you having sex without me."

 

Harry smiled, warmed. The moment he was sure that Niall was entirely his, his heart, his soul, every little piece of Niall belong to him was the moment Harry aspired to. "I'll send you a video of me fingering myself open and slipping a plug inside. Would that cheer you up, love?"

 

Niall huffed. "No," he whined. "I want you here. And tell Louis if he wants a chance at keeping Liam, he'd better act fucking fast. It looks like he and Zayn are running off together."

 

That actually sounded fucking fantastic in Harry's ears. He'd get both Zayn and Liam far away from Louis and Niall. It was perfect. Two birds with one stone. "Really?" He sounded way too cheerful so he quickly changed his voice into a more shocked one. "What? Really?"

 

"Oh, fuck, Harry..." Niall slapped his hand over his face and had to laugh as he easily pictured the devilish expression on his lover’s face. "No. Is Louis there? Wake him up and put him on the phone."

 

No fucking way. If Louis found out that Liam had heard them fucking, he'd know it was Harry and he'd murder him. Drown him in the bathtub. "No. He's a little sick. A killer headache. He needs his sleep." Harry chewed on his lip. "Oh and you probably shouldn't tell him about Liam. It's probably for the best, y'know?"

 

"Harry," Niall heard warning bells. "You're lying. And there's no chance in hell I'm going to let him come back to this without warning. Put him on the phone."

 

"I'm not lying. Look, call him tomorrow morning, yeah? There's no need to rush it on him in the middle of the night." He'd dug his own grave and he had to find a way to wiggle out of this one. Fucking hell.

 

"Harry," Niall said with practiced patience. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

 

Deny. Deny. Deny. "No," Harry said slowly. "Except, I can't wait to get back. Would you like a French souvenir?"

 

"You make me really nervous, Harry," he sighed. "I'm calling Louis in the morning, alright? When can I expect you back?"

 

Harry looked over at the bed and saw Louis' phone sticking out from under the pillow. He'd have to confiscate that. "I'll have to sort it out with Louis first. I'll let you know tomorrow."

 

"Ok. Harry?"

 

"Yes, love?"

 

"You would never lie to me right? About what's going on? You would never hide anything? About your relationship with Louis? About that phone call?" He asked knowing full well Harry was both lying and hiding something.

 

Harry blinked. He was silent for a few beats. "Of course not," he said then. "Never." He was quickly regretting that fucking phone call. Jesus. He should've thought of something better, something that wouldn't be traced back to him.

 

"You sure? Because if I find out that you are... I'm gonna be mad and my trust is going to be broken. And you know how bad that is, right?"

 

"Of course I do," Harry said and swallowed, nervous. Louis would find out sooner than later and so would Niall. Harry knew that it was only a matter of time. He groaned deeply. He glanced at Louis. "Alright. Alright. I confess. It's was me."

 

"What was you?" Niall needed to hear it clearly.

 

Harry felt like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It was fucking ridiculous. "I made that phone call."

 

Niall had a feeling that was the case. "Why did you do that, Harry?"

 

Harry groaned. "I was kind of drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time. It still kind of is. Just think about it. We won't have to deal with Payne ever again. It's brilliant. Louis can finally move the fuck on."

 

"I don't know if he'll agree with you." Niall sighed, really very disappointed in himself that he actually wanted to bust out laughing. However, he know that would not set a good example and he kept it on lockdown. "It's best... if we play it off like it was an accident. Just to preserve your friendship. But you have to tell him."

 

Harry let out a sigh of relief. "Ok. It was an accident. I'll tell him. Thank you."

 

"Ok. But I'm going to call him tomorrow to check on him, ok?"

 

"Just don't tell him anything about Liam. I'll do it."

 

"Harry," Niall said sternly. "I'm going to talk to him about Liam tomorrow. I don't want you lying and manipulating him, you got me? You have to cut that shit out, Harry."

 

Harry was deeply offended. "What? What have I ever done? Other than wanting what's best for my best friend? His relationship with Liam has crashed and it's only going to crash again and again. He needs to get over him and I'm just giving him a friendly push."

 

"That's not for you to judge, Harry!"

 

"Harry?" Louis was sitting up in bed, blinking at him. "What the hell are you talking about? Who is that?"

 

Harry startled and spun around, looking at Louis with wide eyes. Shit. "I gotta go," he said to Niall, hanging up. He smiled at Louis. "Sorry. Did I wake you?"

 

"What were you saying about Liam?" Louis asked, picking the eye boogers out of his eyes.

 

Harry's brain worked on high pressure. "Nothing," he said and shrugged. He walked back up to the bed and tackled Louis into the sheets. "Let's go back to sleep. I'm so tired."

 

"Wa-- who were you talking to?" his curiosity was peaked and now he couldn't let it go.

 

"It was just Niall. He misses me and wants me to come back," Harry said, smiling into Louis' neck. "Oh, and he was jealous that we were sleeping together."

 

"Really? He said you could, though, right? You didn't lie to me about that?"

 

"No. He told me I could do whatever I wanted. He regretted it though." He nuzzled into Louis' neck and feigned a sleepy yawn. "Let's go back to sleep."

 

"Ok... Um... But what was that about Liam?"

 

Harry sighed and lifted his head, looking down at Louis. "He's irrelevant, remember? You're so much better than him," he said. He needed Louis to believe that, so he could thank him later. "You're like...the beauty and he's a beast. A rather insecure one."

 

Louis looked at him with a furrowed brow. "Ok..." he said, not convinced. "Um... So are we actually going back?" He didn't want to. He loved being here, being the center of Harry's attention.

 

Harry sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah. He sounded pretty lonely," Harry said. Niall needed him. Harry would be there in a heartbeat when Niall needed him. "Alright if we leave tomorrow before noon?"

 

Louis whined and pouted. He clung to Harry's neck and kissed him. "Can we have... one more night together?" he wheedled.

 

Harry swallowed. This wasn't a good idea, but maybe, Louis would be less murderous once he found out what Harry had done; it might work in his favor. Niall wouldn't mind one more time, would he? He looked down at Louis for a few second, before he cupped his face and gazed at him intently. "Can't get enough?" he teased.

 

Louis shook his head, 'no' and leaned in to ghost a kiss across Harry's lips. What was one more secret between friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	27. Chapter 27

 

It only took 15 minutes of being on the plane for Louis to lift the armrest up between their first class seats and press into Harry's side, snuggling him. He knew this was his last chance to get Harry lovin's and he would suck it up for all he was worth.

 

Harry curled his arm around Louis and kissed his temple. He knew he'd had to tell him about Liam before they landed; before Niall got a chance to talk to him. He took a deep breath. "Louis?"

 

"Mmm?" Louis cooed, tipping his head back to lazily kiss across Harry's lips.

 

Harry nuzzled Louis' lips for a few moments as he tried to find the best way to tell him; twisting and turning the words in his head. "There's something you need to know," he began, slowly. "It's about Liam."

 

Louis pulled back a little bit to look at him. "Liam? What?"

 

"Well...do you remember a couple of nights ago when you phone kept ringing while we were having sex and I hung up?"

 

Louis had to think about it. Maybe it had happened once. "Uh, no. But tell me."

 

Harry licked his lip for. "Apparently it'd been Liam and by accident, I didn't hang up but took it instead. Or maybe my finger accidently hit the call button. I really don't know. I was drunk and distracted, but apparently Liam heard us have sex." Jesus. He was lying through his teeth.

 

Louis stared at him. "What? Liam? Liam was calling you? Why would Liam be calling you?" He sat up away from Harry, disturbed as hell, but keeping his voice down so as to not alarm the other passengers. "How do you even know? Are you sure? I mean, are you absolutely sure he heard?"

 

"He was calling your phone. And yes, I'm sure. He told Niall, or maybe he told Zayn and Zayn told Niall. Look, it doesn't really matter now, does it?" He reached for Louis. "He doesn't deserve you, Lou. He's hurt you too much already."

 

Louis slowly batted his hand away and stared at him suspiciously. "What-- Wha-- You accidentally accepted a call from Liam? Harry, if Liam was calling you should have fucking told me!" he hissed. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me he was calling?"

 

"Because you were on your hands and knees with my cock up your ass. You were barely thinking straight." Harry rolled his eyes. "Look. It has happened. It was an accident. It's not like you've done anything wrong."

 

"No, I know," Louis snapped, although he couldn't help but feel this was a bit of a disaster. "Why the fuck were you looking at my phone during sex, Harry? Why-- Harry: Did you call him?"

 

"It was ringing. I thought I hit the dismiss button," Harry said. "And no. Why the fuck would I call Payne out of fucking nowhere. That doesn't even make sense."

 

Louis eyed him suspiciously. "So... When I talk to him, he's gonna say he called me?"

 

Harry swallowed a bit, panicking on the inside. "Look it was an accident. Why would you even talk to him? Jesus, Louis, love yourself for a change. He's a douchebag."

 

Harry's lack of confirmation made him very suspicious indeed and he curled his lips fiercely and hissed, "Harry, did you call him?"

 

Harry briefly wondered if Louis would try to choke him on an airplane full of people. "No," he said firmly. "I didn't. There's no reason for me to call him. Whatever happened was an accident. Ok?"

 

Louis was breathing pretty hard and his face was flushed. "Oh, fuck. He's gonna be mad..."

 

Harry reached out and gently stroked Louis' arm. "Apparently mad enough to run away with Zayn," he said, almost too casual. "He has no right to be mad."

 

"What?!" Louis squeaked loudly enough that first class turned to look at him.

 

Harry grimaced a bit. "That might be a slight exaggeration, but he's definitely back to being friends with Zayn."

 

"Don't give me a fucking heart attack, Harry!" Louis shoved him in the chest. "And why did you wait ‘til now to tell me? I'm on a plane, there's nothing I can do!"

 

"Exactly," Harry said, matter of factly. He scooted closer to Louis and looked him hard in the eyes. "Now, I'm sure you won't do something idiotic like calling Liam. I need you to understand that it seems like he's holding this against you and he has no right to. I also need you to understand that you're my best friend and I only want what's best for you."

 

"Ha!" Louis yelped. "That’s never been true! You think I don't know you?"

 

Harry frowned. "Come on. I know I haven't been very good at showing it, but I really do care about you."

 

Louis groaned and flopped back against his seat. "You care about what I can do for you, Harry." He pulled the fluffy blanket out from his ottoman and burrowed under it, not wanting to deal with the man he wasn't certain was his friend.

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard. Alright. There might have been a time he'd kept Louis around for his own benefits, but that time was over now. He lifted the blanket and peeked inside. "Don't be mad," he whispered and nuzzled Louis' neck. "We have two hours’ flight left. Let's not make it miserable."

 

"I don't trust you, Harry. I don't trust that you care about me or that you'll do what's in my best interest," Louis said bluntly. "I'm not going to trust you ‘til I talk to Liam and his story matches yours."

 

"Ouch," Harry said, pouting slightly. "And you trust him? He's the one who left you in jagged pieces. And who was there for you? That’s right, me."

 

Louis' eyebrow went up skeptically. "You tried to get into my pants while you were comforting me."

 

Harry had the decency to look sheepish. "That was my way of comforting. That's what I was best at."

 

Louis rolled his eyes. "You wanted to get your rocks off and I was easy prey." He huffed, "Niall's gonna get wise to you, you know."

 

Harry's face fell a little. "What's that supposed to mean?"

 

"You're not relationship material! You couldn't stay faithful to him, or to anyone!" Louis tried to say it casually, but he was clearly venting. "I mean, sure, he opened you up to the world of bottoming, but you'll get bored with him in a month, tops."

 

Harry sat back and looked like he'd been slapped, cheeks flushing, eyes flashing. "Shut up," he said fiercely. "Don't take your shit out on me, Tomlinson. You're just jealous that you can't have with Liam what I have with Niall. Fuck you."

 

"Fuck you," Louis turned his back on him. "I'm not envious of what you have with Niall. You're getting bored with him already and he's still in love with Zayn. I don't envy that."

 

Harry wanted to throttle him for that one. "Son of a bitch," he sneered, furiously in lack of a better come-back. "Enjoy your flight alone." He got to his feet and stalked away to find another available seat where he could fume in peace. Even if it was in coach.

 

~*~

 

Liam was sometimes very outdoorsy. It was 8:00 am on Thursday morning and he rustled Zayn out of bed and dragged him into the mountains for a hike. Liam was nearly levitating on the path as Zayn shuffled behind. "Smell that air!" Liam was saying. "It's so fresh!" There was a certain ungroundedness in Liam's enthusiasm as if he was going overboard trying to convince himself he was happy.

 

Zayn wasn't an out-door person at all and the only reason he'd come along was so he could spend time with Liam. And seemingly watch him try too hard to act happy. It was painful to watch. "It smells shitty," Zayn said, a little breathlessly and he was so out of shape. "Let's take a break," he called and slumped against a tree, searching for his beloved cigarettes in his pocket.

 

"What are you talking about?" Liam looked at him as if he'd grown two heads. "This is Vermont, Zayn! This is nature at its be--" He stopped when he saw Zayn pull out the smokes. "Seriously?"

 

Zayn blinked up at Liam. "What? I need one." He folded his mouth around one and lit it, taking a deep drag. He sighed. Much better.

 

Liam sighed and said sincerely, "You are so beautiful and smart and talented, Zayn. You're too good to smoke."

 

Zayn felt his cheeks heat up and he felt flattered. "It's not something I can just stop," he said. "Trust me, I've tried before." After his parents had caught him with cigarettes for the first time, they'd tried to make him stop, but fruitlessly so.

 

"I could help you," Liam said, walking back along the trail to him. "If you wanted to stop. I'd be happy to."

 

Zayn watched him approach and goddamn, he found him so beautiful. He looked down. "How would you do that, Liam?" Maybe he'd fold that pretty mouth around his dick every time he needed a smoke; that'd definitely do the trick. Zayn quickly chased the image of Liam on his knees away.

 

Liam shrugged innocently. "I could research it. But I'm sure there are programs and patches and... Heck, maybe just every time you smoke, I give you a swat on the bum," he grinned mischievously.

 

Zayn choked; the smoke went down the wrong pipe and he belched out a foul cloud. He got control of himself and cleared his throat awkwardly. "It's fine. Smoking will shave off some of my life span and I've always wanted to die young," Zayn said with a slight grin.

 

"Not on my watch!" Liam said plucking the fag from his hand and putting it out on a rock. "Let's start with only smoking half of one at a time, ok?" He handed the remainder back to Zayn.

 

Zayn blinked. "Liam," he said slowly. "I'm a drug dealer. I grow weed. I'm kind of destined to smoke my lungs out."

 

Liam frowned at him. "Do you want to be a drug dealer all your life?"

 

Zayn shifted. He didn't like thinking about the rest of his life, because right at the moment, it looked bleak. He shrugged. "It's the only thing I'm good at, huh?" He smiled wryly and lit the cigarette.

 

Liam shook his head. "I wish you could see yourself the way your friends see you -- the way I see you."

 

Zayn stopped with his lips curled around the cigarette and stared at Liam. "How do you see me?"

 

Liam shrugged. "You're sort of fascinating. I mean, you're a mystery. You're so talented, like, everything you put your mind to turns out golden the first time you try it. Most of us look like damn fools, but you just sort of make things happen. Like, in art class when we were making sculptures. I mean, everyone's looked like big, gloopy piles of horse crap, but yours... I don't know, it just... It was just perfect. It was beautiful. You're so expressive and just... I don't know. You're fascinating." He smiled at him gently, then shrugged a little bit. "And obviously, outlandishly good-looking."

 

Zayn didn't see what Liam saw, but it didn't make him any less happy. He felt warm all over in a way he hadn't felt before and all he really wanted was to move forward and kiss Liam until neither of them could breathe. Once he realized he was staring at Liam like he'd hung the stars in the sky, he looked away. "Thank you," he said softly and glanced up at Liam, lips tilted in a coy smile. "I wish my parents saw the same." He'd always been good with his hands, good at expressing himself in colors and paper and ink, but that had never been what his father wanted.

 

"Well... I wish I could prove to you that I'm right and they're wrong. Because they are. I mean, you have to accept it, buddy: Your parents are terribly, terribly wrong."

 

"They kind of aren't," Zayn said softly, frowning a bit. "It's a bit complicated. I mean, they've done so much for me, sacrificed a lot and I've never really been grateful enough. I didn't need to come home with a random guy, knowing what would happen if my parents found out." He folded his cigarette back into the packet. "I should just stay with girls and do my best in school. Give back a little."

 

"Zayn... That's messed up. You don't 'give back' to your parents -- you don't 'give back' to anybody by pretending to be someone you're not. How is giving in to their homophobia helpful to them?"

 

"It'd make them happy," Zayn replied quietly, knowing that it meant he'll sacrifice his own happiness for theirs.

 

"It would make you miserable..." Liam said, taking him by the shoulders and pulling him close. "Or did I scare you away from mansex?"

 

"What?" Zayn said, wide-eyed. "No! It was...the most amazing sex I've ever had." He avoided Liam's eyes, embarrassed by what he'd just said. Jesus. Lately, he felt nothing but awkward and shy and idiotic around Liam. It was getting a bit ridiculous.

 

Liam gave a full-body start. "Whoa, really? Whoa... Whoa..." He could feel himself getting lightheaded with pride. "Really?"

 

Zayn looked up at him. "Don't look so surprised," Zayn said, smiling softly. "You're a beast in bed." And Zayn kind of wanted him to fuck him up against this tree right now.

 

It was Liam's turn to blush. "Thanks, I... Um... Thanks..." He leaned over and kissed Zayn's forehead. "Wanna keep hiking?" It was clear Liam did.

 

No. Zayn wanted to go back and have sweaty, dirty sex with Liam. "Yeah, sure," he said and clapped Liam's rosy cheek affectionately.

 

After their hike, Liam had dragged Zayn to all kinds of tourist points. He dragged him through several gardens and up to a few outlooks. At around 5:00 pm, Liam could tell Zayn was past burnout and he promised to take him back to the B&B for a nice dinner and then "whatever Zayn wanted to do". Always the gentleman, Liam let Zayn shower first and he got in after him. When he slipped from the bathroom, he wore dress pants, but his feet and his chest were bare and he was still rubbing at his head with the towel. "Alright!" he said, cheerily. "What do you want to do?"

 

Zayn had been sexually frustrated the whole fucking day and he'd been teetering on the edge. He had been pretty impressed by his show of self-control around Liam, had been impressed that he hadn't jumped him yet. He'd rubbed a quick one out in the shower, thinking of Liam fucking him hard and felt like he could survive the rest of the night. That's until Liam decided to come out, shirtless with water-drops still clinging to his defined chest and Zayn's brain short-circuited. He just stood there and stared at Liam with hungry eyes.

 

He approached slowly, eyes dark. He stopped up close and his eyes dipped down, taking in Liam's chest. He couldn't have stopped himself if he'd wanted to. He looked back up at Liam briefly before dipping his head and licking away a water-drop on his collarbone.

 

Liam let out a shaky breath. Zayn's tongue was so hot against the cool of the air and he reached up and sunk his fingers into Zayn's still-damp hair. He lifted the other man's head and kissed him soundly.

 

Liam could feel the animal in him want to throw Zayn down on the bed and ravish him. But another part of him knew he was in dangerous waters. "Um..." he gasped, pulling out of the kiss. "You... Just to be clear, you should know I-- I'm not..." he couldn't find the words. This was embarrassing.

 

Zayn's eyes were zeroed in on Liam's mouth, concentrating on the way it moved rather than the words they were forming. "What?" he asked, fingers curling into the waistband of Liam's pants. He'd never sucked dick and he never thought he'd want to suck a dick as badly as he wanted to at the moment.

 

"I-- Look, I didn't..." He put his hand around Zayn's wrist which was tugging on his pants. "I didn't bring you out here to..." But he stopped that route; he didn't want to sound like he wasn't interested. "I'm just... I don't want to mislead you, ok?"

 

Zayn's gaze snapped up to Liam's. "Mislead me?" he repeated, mouth a little dry.

 

"Yeah," Liam said, looking guilty. "I'm... I'm a bit broken, you know?"

 

Zayn stared at him for a few moments. "I'm not expecting anything from you, Liam," he said honestly. He knew Liam was irrevocably in love with Louis. He wasn't stupid. He ignored the sting in his chest.

 

Liam searched his face to make sure that was true -- as always, Zayn was unreadable. "I just... You really are my best friend. I don't want to screw this up."

 

Zayn shook his head. "No. It's just sex, right? Nothing more." He knocked that into his own head, even though he had a strong feeling that he was going to regret this. He wasn't supposed to fool around with friends, but he couldn't resist Liam. He leaned in and kissed him softly.

 

Liam kissed him back, folding Zayn's lips into his. This wasn't right -- especially not after Zayn lost Niall for doing this very thing and Liam, for all the pain, was still desperately in love with Louis. But Zayn was absolutely intoxicating. He moved like a panther and Liam wanted to watch his shoulder blades flex as he fucked him from behind. Growling softly, he lifted Zayn from the floor and carried him over to the bed, taking a moment to shuck his pants before going after Zayn's clothing.

 

Zayn groaned softly into his mouth, pawing hungrily at Liam's body. He fell back against the bed and once Liam removed his pants, his eyes zeroed in on his beautiful, big cock. He wanted to feel its weigh on his tongue so badly. "Fuck my throat," he panted, kissing down Liam's chest. "I want your dick in my mouth."

 

Liam, who was tangling his hands in Zayn's thighs, looked up. "Yeah, good," he said, leaning back and spreading his legs, reaching for Zayn to come forward.

 

Zayn eagerly came forward, kissing softly down the trail of hair leading to Liam's cock. He kissed the tip of it, having no idea what he was doing and just imitating what he'd seen. He looked up at Liam through his long lashes. "Ready to get the worst blow-job of your life?" he said with an endearing wink before he slurped Liam's cock into his mouth.

 

"You have such pretty lips-guhh!" Liam leaned back on the bed and watched. Zayn struggled with it, sure, but his lips were so beautiful as they worked over his shaft. "Go easy," he panted, reaching down and stroking Zayn's beautiful mane of hair. He couldn't help but miss Louis, who could probably swallow down a bazooka launcher without flinching.

 

There was too much cock and definitely not enough space in Zayn's mouth. He followed Liam's instructions and went easy, swallowing an inch more for every suck. The tip of Liam's cock grazed the back of his throat, triggering his gag reflexes and he got teary-eyed. This definitely wasn't as easy as Niall made it out to be.

 

"You don't have to take it all," Liam gasped softly. "Just.. mind the teeth, yeah?"

 

Zayn pulled off Liam's cock, taking in a deep breath and giving it a few, firm tugs with his hand. He tried again, taking Liam's cock in and tried to do all the things that he loved getting done on himself. He looked up at Liam, hoping to see pleasure, eyes big.

 

Liam had to smile at him, he was so adorable. He reached down and stroked through Zayn's silky locks (so different than Louis' wild tuft) and said softly, "You're doing great."

 

Even though Zayn was pretty sure he wasn't doing that great, he couldn't help but bask in Liam's approval. He sucked him off with more enthusiasm, encouraged and prepared to get better at sucking dick; a thought that almost made him laugh. A month back, he never would've thought he'd want this, but here he was.

 

Liam was panting pretty hard; Zayn's beautiful lips around his cock were a true sight to behold. "Hey... You want me to finish like this...?" He wasn't sure if Zayn wanted to try anal again, he just wanted the boy to know his window for that opportunity was narrowing with each suck.

 

Zayn pulled off almost immediately and looked up at Liam, licking across his shiny lips. "No," he said and straightened up so he could leave a trail of kisses up Liam's chest. He pushed his thumbs into the defined v-lines of Liam's hip and kissed his jaw. "I was hoping you'd fuck me."

 

Liam growled deep in his chest and pulled Zayn into his lap so the other boy was straddling him. "Did you pack anything?" he asked, reaching between Zayn's pert, beautiful cheeks to fondle his hole.

 

Zayn arched his back a little and his painfully hard cock dragged along Liam's making him tremble a bit. "Yeah," he replied, a bit embarrassed. He'd brought it, because of course he'd hoped that this would happen. "Let me get it." He crawled off Liam's lap and retrieved the lube from his bag.

 

Liam was a little surprised. He hadn't expected Zayn to seduce him. He had considered it, but it almost seemed like Zayn had planned this. When he saw the size of the tube of lube Zayn brought he definitely got suspicious. "C'mere," he said, guiding Zayn into his lap again. "Do you want it like last time?" he asked, kissing along Zayn's jaw as he worked to get the tube open behind his back.

 

Zayn stroked along Liam's shoulder, "We can do that," he said and leaned down to kiss Liam's shoulder, "Or anything else you'd like."

 

Liam leaned back against the wall and stroked his lube-slicked fingers down Zayn's crack. "I want you like this... I want to watch you ride me..." He didn't get this much. Louis generally liked to be held down and wrestled into submission one way or another before he got a thorough fucking -- and Louis also tended to bring that out in him.

 

Zayn nodded. He was ready to do whatever Liam wanted and as long as he got Liam's cock, he was content. He leaned in and kissed Liam's mouth while he got opened up.

 

"God, you're sexy," Liam sighed into his mouth as he pushed two fingers inside Zayn. He was so confused by Zayn, for a while there, he had assumed the man was straight. But he could say the same for himself.

 

Zayn pushed back against the stretch and groaned, his dick hardening almost impossibly. "So strange, innit?" he mumbled against where he was kissing Liam's birthmark on his neck.

 

"That you're sexy?" Liam chuckled, stroking Zayn's cock as he worked in him from behind, rocking him between his hands.

 

Zayn smiled against Liam's warm skin. "No. That I like this so much." He worked back against Liam's fingers.

 

Liam nuzzled him and slipped another finger inside him. "You ever think about it? Before...?" He didn't want to mention the 'N' name and kill whatever buzz Zayn had going.

 

"Not really," Zayn said, panting softly across Liam's shoulder. "I thought about boys sucking me off, though. I got my blow job from a guy my freshman year. I wasn't even sure I was comfortable with this before that guy from the bar."

 

"Mmmm," he pulled his fingers out and held his cock in place for Zayn's descent. "What changed?"

 

"I found out I liked it." Zayn lifted himself and positioned himself above Liam's cock, breath hitching a bit as the thick head caught at his rim. He began to sink down on it slowly, breath shaky, body trembling a bit with a solid hold on Liam's shoulder. He took Liam's cock in, inch by inch, until he was fully seated in Liam's lap, knees quivering at the stretch. "Oh," he said, wondrous. He could feel Liam's cock in the depths of him and it was absolutely wonderful.

 

Watching Zayn's face made Liam's cock weep so hard they might've gone without lube. "Jesus Zayn," he panted, grabbing Zayn by the back of the neck and kissing him savagely. Using his feet for leverage, he started rolling and lifting his hips, pushing into Zayn even deeper and watching him wince in pleasure.

 

Zayn gasped softly. "Liam, you're so deep inside of me," he breathed, fascinated. He began experimentally rolling his hips and squeezing around Liam's cock. He slowly began lifting and sinking down again, letting out small, breathy moans of pleasure. He was afraid he might come within seconds.

 

Liam watched him, enchanted. Watching Zayn discover his body and how good it could feel was amazing. He tried not to take control, but it was unnatural for him to be passive and he found himself gripping Zayn's hips hard and pushing up in his own rhythm.

 

Zayn was really getting into it, lifting himself higher, sinking in deeper, shifting to find a deeper angle and enjoying it more than he was willing to admit. He leaned down and kissed Lam's beautiful mouth hungrily, licking into his mouth, pulling back and nibbling his bottom lip. "This feels so good, Leeyum," he said, intoxicated smile on his lips.

 

"You like that?" Liam purred. Unable to resist, even if he wanted to, he flipped Zayn onto his back and mounted atop him, pushing his cock deep into Zayn's willing hole as he kissed him fiercely. It was as if there was a trigger in Liam's brain that at a certain point of arousal, flipped to domination. He was determined to make Zayn come all over himself and as he plunged deeply into his body, he concentrated on finding Zayn's button to really send him over the edge.

 

Zayn sucked in air through his teeth and gasped. He spreads his legs wider, giving over to Liam's relentless thrusting and he absolutely loved this. Loved when Liam was wild and dominating and unrelenting. He reached up and dug his fingers into Liam's shoulder, the other finding its way into Liam's floppy hair that was damp with sweat. He tried to contain all the needy noises building up in his chest but Liam's cock ripped them from his throat.

 

Liam snarled into his throat, so pleased by the sounds he was making. He found Zayn's nub and started driving for it hard, his thrusts making the headboard chip the paint off the walls.

 

Zayn keened loudly, head falling back against the pillow. His cock was dripping messily and it needed just the slightest touch and Zayn would come. He reached down and grabbed his cock, stroking it. "So close, so close, so close"

 

"Come," Liam panted in his ear. "I want to watch you come..."

 

And Zayn couldn't say no to that. He unfurled, body tensing up as he came hard, splashing white on his sweaty chest. He gasped for breath when he was done and fell back against the bed, squeezing around Liam's dick.

 

Zayn's contractions milked Liam's cock wonderfully and he came with a jungle growl, pumping his come deep into Zayn's quivering hole. With his last thrust, he braced himself on the headboard, painting hard, his sweat dripping from his chest onto Zayn's.

 

Zayn stared up at him with dazed eyes and gave him a smile. "You're beautiful," he said softly, sincerely, blinking sleepily. A wave of exhaustion crashed on top of him and he was sure he was going to pass out with Liam's cock still inside of him; not that he would mind.

 

Liam didn't know casual sex etiquette. In fact, now that he'd come, he wasn't certain how to behave. All he knew was that he wanted to kiss the beautiful boy beneath him, so after several aborted attempts, he did. He leaned down and snogged that boy, a bit shyly, all puppy again.

 

Zayn cupped Liam's face and kissed him back, smiling, feeling so content. He didn't feel like he had any energy left to move and his body ached all over, but in the best possible way. "I'm gonna pass out in five seconds," he said when he pulled back and looked at Liam. He hoped the boy would sleep next to him so Zayn could cuddle him and fall asleep to the beat of his heart.

 

"Ok," Liam said quietly, pulling free of Zayn's body and arranging them both comfortably on the bed. He cuddled next to Zayn but was respectful of his personal space. "Maybe I can call room service and have dinner here when you wake up." Again, he had no idea what hook-up etiquette was. He also didn't want to run the risk of leading Zayn on. In his sobriety, he was questioning his decisions.

 

Zayn wanted to scoot closer, wanted to rest his head on Liam's chest but something about Liam's expression stopped him; made him feel unsure. He blinked sleepily at him. "Something wrong?"

 

"Oh! No! I've just never... Y'know... done this before."

 

Zayn relaxed and smiled at Liam. "You're cute," he said fondly and scooted closer. He rested his head on Liam's chest. "Let's sleep and order food whenever we wake up."

 

"O..Ok," Liam said, watching Zayn cuddle up to him. He didn't know what to do. Part of him, despite what he had heard over the phone, made him feel deeply guilty for what felt like cheating on Louis. Louis was the one his heart wanted. But Zayn was his best friend and he made himself relax, although he couldn't close his eyes much less fall asleep.

 

~*~

 

Louis returned to his apartment in the middle of the night, jet-lagged and in a sour mood because of Harry. They hadn't exchanged a word since their spat and had spent the whole flight apart. Harry had found some pretty girl to flirt with and much to Louis' dismay he'd caught him snogging her on his way to the toilet. He felt bad for Niall. Once he got home, he fell into his bed face-first, fully clothed, mind circling around Liam. He took his phone and sent a text 'I'm back', knowing that the boy probably was so mad, he wouldn't reply, much less in the middle of the night.

 

Liam woke when the text went off. After dinner, he'd gotten into his own bed. He saw the text and immediately felt himself start to go into a rage. He didn't want to -- not here. Vermont was supposed to be paradise and he didn't want to be angry in paradise. Moving quietly, so as not to wake Zayn, he rose and dressed, slipping out the door to jog until he was too exhausted to move, much less be angry. He had no intention of texting Louis back or giving him any encouragement to contact him.

 

~*~

 

Niall had only intended to fortify himself with a snuggle in Harry's bed. He was irritated at the boy, but after Ray's treatment, he needed something to remind himself that life wasn't so dark. He just kept reminding himself that Harry had told him he loved him -- even though that made him irritated as well. He had fallen asleep curled in the fetal position, and when Harry found him, he had only relaxed from it slightly.

 

Harry was jet-lagged and exhausted when he arrived to his own room, but when he found Niall curled in his bed, his spirits lifted. He smiled, heart-warmed and crawled up on the mattress, watching Niall sleep for a few moments. He leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I love you," he whispered softly, "and I have no idea why." He lay down next to him, pressing close though when the lingering smell of sex hit him he sat up as if burned, staring down at Niall.

 

The lurch in the bed made Niall wake slightly. He lifted himself up, disoriented and took several seconds to get his bearings. He blinked at Harry next to him and figured it out. "Oh," he said, groggy. "Hi. I didn't mean to..." He gestured at himself and at the bed.

 

Harry just stared at him. "You smell kinda like sex," he said flatly. "Why?" The first thing he could think off was that Niall had slept with Zayn, because he was mad that Harry had slept with Louis. He was going to kill someone.

 

Niall was momentarily shaken, but realized he had already half-explained this to Harry. "I had work tonight," he said simply. "I didn't mean to fall asleep here or I would've showered."

 

"Oh," Harry said, shaken a bit. He'd shoved his knowledge of that side job of Niall’s to the far corners of his mind so he didn't have to think about old, fat and nasty man touching Niall. But now, he couldn't stop thinking about it and it made him so angry; nobody should be touching Niall, but him. His jaw clenched slightly. "I'm going to pay for your sister's medical bills whether you want me to or not."

 

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Niall groused, making himself sit up. He wanted to go home, but frankly, he was angry with Louis, too. "I'm going to go shower." Shrugging off his boyfriend, Niall went into the bathroom and shut the door, stripping his clothing.

 

"Why are you like that?!" Harry shouted, frustrated. He groaned and fell back against the bed. He wanted to join Niall in the shower, but he was mad, Niall was seemingly mad too, and he was too tired. He huffed and lazily pulled off his clothes, finding an oversized shirt and a pair of boxer shorts to sleep in. Then he lay down and waited impatiently for Niall to come out.

 

When Niall came out, he was more awake. "Ok," he said dully. "I'm going home."

 

"What? Seriously?" Harry sat up and stared at Niall. "Why are you mad at me? I didn't do anything wrong!" Well, he might have slept with Louis again, but Niall didn't need to know about that.

 

Niall gave him a sidelong glance. "I know. I know it's not fair for me to be mad. But I am. I really, really am." His faith in Harry's faithfulness was badly shaken, despite the fact that he had set the trap for himself. "I know, I never should have said that to you, that you could sleep with him. But part of me wonders if it would've made any difference. You would've just fucked him and lied to me about it."

 

"You think the worst of me already," Harry sighed. "You told me come back and I came back to you, love." Harry got to his feet and walked up to Niall, taking his hand. "I've missed you a lot and I've missed holding you. Don't leave, please."

 

It was so much harder to be angry with Harry when he was standing right in front of him, being gorgeous and sympathetic. "Why... I mean, was it so important to sleep with him? Why aren't you with him? He's in love with you, you know, he probably always has been and always will be. So if fucking him is so irresistible, why aren't you just with him?"

 

Harry shook his head. "He's in love with Liam and apparently, he's always going to be in love with Liam. And I only had sex with him, because you told me I could. I thought it'd be better I had sex with Louis than other random people, don't you think?"

 

Niall pushed his hands in his hair. "I don't..." he started pacing. "I don't fucking know, Harry. I just... You didn't... You didn't think to yourself once, 'yes, he gave me permission, but maybe if I want something deeper with this guy, I shouldn't do this? Especially because I flipped my fucking lid when he suggested having sex with Louis?' I mean, nothing like that ever crossed your mind? You just thought 'oh, boy, I have a blank check, I can have a romantic fucking week in the Mediterranean with Louis and fuck him silly for free?'"

 

"No," Harry said and stood in front of Niall to stop his pacing. "Do you want to know what I thought? I thought 'oh, look, he really doesn't care what you do. Obviously he wouldn't since he doesn't feel the same way about you and hey, he's probably just with you because he can't have what he really wants, which isn't you, but his best friend. And hey, he probably wants an open relationship so he can have a free pass with his best friend if the opportunity presented itself. Because Harry, you have to remember, he isn't in love with you."

 

That stopped Niall in his tracks a little bit. He dropped his eyes and stared at the floor; the fact that Harry had nailed him dead to rights made it nearly impossible for him to lift them. "Oh," he said simply, dumbly, gob-smacked into silence.

 

"Yeah, 'oh'," Harry said and shook his head. He couldn't believe a small part of him had hoped that Niall would deny what he'd said, but he'd known all along. He felt something inside of him bend and it hurt like hell. He turned and fell back on his bed. "You can leave."

 

Well, Niall didn't want to leave, now. He felt a pain in his chest that was becoming all too familiar. He shuffled over to the bed and didn't know what to say. "Can I... Can I stay?"

 

Harry turned and sunk his face in his pillow. His eyes stung and fucking hell, he was really going to cry because this stupid, poor, and unstable boy didn't love him back. Why couldn't he have fallen for all the people he knew loved him, too? "Just go home. We'll talk tomorrow."

 

Niall just knew instinctively that if he left now, he would give Harry the space and the excuse to harden his heart against him. And he didn't want that. He sat down on the mattress behind Harry and was quiet for several seconds, trying to find the right words. Eventually, what he came up with was: "I don't want an open relationship. I want to be with you. I want to try to make this work. I want... I want something deeper. With you."

 

Harry stared at the wall for a few moments. "It's always going to be him, though," he said, voice coated in bitterness. A single tear ran across the bridge of his nose before dropping to the bed. "He'll always be your first choice."

 

"Not always," he said, though, feeling that had to be true. "And I know I feel something for you -- something real," this was also very true. "I know I can love you... I just... I just have a lot of healing to do first."

 

Harry scoffed softly. "Yeah. Sure." He felt that he was being used and that he was allowing himself to be used because he was so desperate for any shred of Niall's attention and affection. He didn't know when he'd gotten this pathetic.

 

"I'm not lying, Harry," Niall said, grabbing his shoulder and turning him on his back to see his face. "When I found out you were sleeping with Louis, I -- I absolutely lost my shit. I didn't know it was going to hurt that bad. It did, it really did. I nearly tore the greenhouse apart," he added, sheepishly.

 

Harry stared up at Niall. "I slept with him again," he said. "Five minutes after talking to you on the phone." He didn't know for sure why he was saying that, he wanted Niall to leave, but at the time, he wanted him to stay. Or maybe he wanted to hurt Niall more for turning him into this mess.

 

That got Niall off the bed. "What!?" His face went pink and he looked almost cartoonish in his fury. "Why the fuck would you do that?! Harry, what the fuck!?"

 

Harry sat up and seeing Niall's reaction made him regret opening his mouth. Oh well, it would have come out sooner or later. "I don't know," he said with a slight shrug. "He asked for a last night and I gave it to him."

 

That was a double blow struck to Niall's frame and something not unlike despair washed over his features. "Oh," he choked, suddenly fighting tears. "Oh, great, so you just-- You just-- The two of you...! My two friends, my—my boyfriend and my best friend, you just thought you would--" But he couldn't talk without crying, so he just turned on his heel as his tears fell, gasping, "Fuck you, Harry. Just fuck you!"

 

Harry hadn't expected that strong of a reaction and he cursed himself from hell and back. He got off the bed and went after Niall, stopping him from leaving. "I'm sorry," he said, sincerely and guilty. "It didn't mean anything. It was just sex and I didn't think you'd mind one more time. I seriously didn't think you'd mind. I won't do it again."

 

Niall shoved Harry off him hard and pushed his way out the door. He was too upset. He was too humiliated to let Harry see how upset he was. He burst out of the servant's exit and, shivering from the cold of impending winter, jogged as far as he could toward the greenhouse.

 

~*~

Liam was receiving a great many texts from Louis: 'We need to talk.' And when Liam ignored those, 'I didn't mean for that to happen. I would never do that. Call me.'

 

The next day Zayn and Liam were sitting at lunch. Liam had insisted on taking Zayn out to a rather expensive, remarkably good French restaurant. Perhaps something subconscious in Liam was already apologizing for using him and he wanted to make it right. The food had been incredible and Zayn, even though he was still sleepy, was pretty gorgeous in Liam's eyes. Liam had been chatting pretty animatedly about plans for the day when Zayn's cell phone rang. It was Niall. Liam glanced at it, then glanced up at Zayn. "You can take that, if you want."

 

Zayn liked Liam's attention on him even though there was something weird about the whole thing that made him felt slightly self-conscious. He glanced down at his phone, "I'll be right back," he said to Liam and got to his feet, taking it as he walked a little away. "Hey, Ni. What's up?"

 

There was a lot of snot coming through the phone. Niall was sniffling and hiccupping and after a few seconds, he managed to choke out, "I told her..."

 

Zayn's stomach curled tight at the sound of a broken Niall. "What? You told who what? Niall, what happened?"

 

"I told her..." He hicc'ed, "I told her everything -- Amy."

 

Zayn paled a little bit. He imagined Amy's reaction to knowing every unfair, fucked up thing in Niall's life. "Oh, Niall... Niall, what happened? Why did you?" Only something really bad could have driven Niall to do that.

 

"I don't k-know," Niall gasped. "I... Harry cheated on me. I mean, I told him he could sleep with—That I wouldn’t ask, and then I found out he slept with Louis and I—I told him he couldn’t, but then he just slept with him again anyway. After I told him not to… I just... I don't know. I didn't want my sister to die not knowing who I am." Another phlegmy snort. "She doesn't know... I didn't... I didn't tell her about Ray... She just knows I d-do something illegal..." She wanted to know that he wasn't hurting anyone, which he could assure her he wasn't. She was too naive to ask if he was hurting himself and Niall was grateful for that.

 

Zayn leaned up against the vanity of the gentlemen's restroom. His fingers curling into fists that wanted to punch Harry's face. He'd known all along that Harry wasn't good enough for Niall and that he'd hurt him. Dear God, did Zayn want to hurt him turn and he'd do it when he saw him.  "I'm so sorry, babe," he said softly, sincerely. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

 

"No," Niall sniffled. "Don't -- I don't want you to ... Just have a good weekend, I shouldn't have called you, I just -- I just wanted to hear your voice."

 

Zayn smiled softly. He could tell that Niall needed someone and he wouldn't be surprised if Louis had taken Harry's side. Those fuckers. "Just...tell me you need me there and I'll be come without hesitation."

 

Niall sniffled and hiccupped softly a few times. "I'll be alright." As much as he loved Zayn and needed him, he wasn't sure it had been wise to call him. He was entirely alone and now he'd alienated his sister. "J-just have fun. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called." And he hung up.

 

Zayn stared at the phone. He didn't know how he was going to go about without worrying about Niall. He did though have the impression that Niall didn't want him there. He sighed and sent out a quick text, 'Call me anytime you need me', before returning to Liam.

 

Liam frowned at the sight of him. "Are you ok?"

 

Zayn sat down heavily. "No. Niall just called. He was really upset." He looked up at Liam. "Harry cheated on him."

 

"I thought we already knew that," Liam said matter of factly.

 

"...I think it happened again," Zayn said quietly and watched Liam's reaction.

 

Liam's face just went absolutely stony in his attempts to stifle his rage. Then he steepled his arms on the table, pressed his thumbs against his third eye and started taking really, really deep breaths.

 

Zayn swallowed a bit. "I'm sorry," he said, not knowing what else he could really say. He knew that anger was going to turn into deep hurt sooner than later and he really hoped that Liam realized his ex was trash.

 

Liam shook his head, a very fine sheen of sweat breaking out across his brow. "It's ok... I promised myself I wasn't going to think about it for these four days and I'm not going to." He was adamantly trying not to. "That said, you want to go for a run?"

 

"A run?" Zayn said with a bit skeptic smile. He didn't think he'd get long on a run before he'd be out of breath. He was about to politely decline and suggest something else when Liam's phone began ringing.

 

Liam's eyebrows went up as he stared at it. His breathing started to get heavy again. He hit the 'reject' button on his phone and swiftly texted to Louis, ‘I'm back on Monday. I won't talk to you before then.’

 

Zayn observed him silently as another text came in. It said, 'Where are you?'

 

"What did I just say?" Liam said out loud, frustrated as hell. 'Vermont. Now leave me alone.'

 

'With Zayn I assume, but alright, I'll leave you alone.'

 

"Everything alright?" Zayn asked.

 

Liam took out a wad of cash from his wallet, threw it on the table and said, "How about the rec center? We can swim." Liam was intending to swim at least 100 laps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	28. Chapter 28

Niall had spent the night in the greenhouse. After calling Zayn, he felt even more hollow inside than he had before. Sniffling and struggling with his cast, he went about tending the plants, trying to keep his mind on that task instead of what had just happened.

 

Harry felt horrible and hadn't slept half of the night in guilt. He called Niall in the early hours of the morning but was met with nothing but the monotone voicemail. When he got up, he dressed and drove to the greenhouse as he couldn't imagine where else Niall would have gone. Once he arrived and entered the greenhouse, he almost didn’t recognize it. It had transformed completely since the first time he saw it. He saw Niall and his heart swelled. "You're a little handyman, aren't you? You blew new life into this place."

 

Niall looked up and grimaced. Harry wasn't who he wanted to see. He was dismayed he hadn't heard anything from Louis, who was supposed to be his best goddamn friend, and who had slept with his boyfriend, even knowing it was against his wishes. That he hadn't heard a peep from him made him furious. "Too soon, Harry," Niall said darkly.

 

Harry wanted nothing more than to make things right so they could crawl back under the covers and sleep some more; he felt rather jet lagged. "Is there anything I can do to make it right?" he asked. "I'm really sorry."

 

"Where's Louis?" Niall snapped, looking up. "Does he even give a shit about any of this?"

 

"I'm not his keeper," Harry said with a shrug. "He's probably trying to crawl back to Liam."

 

"Is it because you're both rich that makes you such assholes? You think you get to do whatever you want and everyone else just forgives you for it?"

 

Harry stared at Niall. "Well...that’s what usually happens," he said honestly. He always got away with everything. Well, except when it came to Niall. That boy had to make everything difficult.

 

"Are you fucking serious?" Niall stared at him with steely eyes. "People don't care if you cheat on them?"

 

Harry winced and looked away. "I've never cheated on anyone."

 

"You cheated on me," Niall bit out. "Go away, Harry. I'm... I'm... I'm done with you."

 

Harry looked up, shocked. "What? What is that supposed to mean?" He didn't want to believe what he was obviously hearing.

 

"What do you think I mean? It was only a matter of time before you cheated on me! I just didn't think it would be a matter of seconds after I explicitly told you I didn't want you sleeping with anyone else because it was hurting me!"

 

"I told you I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry," Harry said, coming forward. "I didn't think you'd care that much. I wouldn't have done it. It will never happen again, just give me a chance here."

 

"You didn't think I'd care that much!?" Niall's voice squeaked. "I just called you and demanded that you come home in the dead of night because I couldn't stand the thought of you with someone else, and I wanted you home with me, and you didn't think I would care that you would just roll over and fuck him again two seconds later?! What the fuck is wrong with you, Harry!?"

 

Harry was out of his depths on this one. He didn't know how to fix something he'd done, because he rarely had to do so. "I wanted to be with you, too," he said. "That's why I didn't hesitate to change my ticket and come home to you. Because I wanted you, to be with you and all I've ever wanted was for you to want me the same way, too." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I made a horrible mistake, and I'm sorry. Please don't do this. I don't...I don't know what to do without you."

 

"Yes, you do, you'd fuck everything that moves! That's what you'd do without me, Harry..." He dropped his head and felt the few tears he had left dribble down his cheeks and he hugged himself.

 

"No, no, you don't understand," Harry said, shaking his head, desperate. "I can be a bit of an asshole. I know. But I really do care about you. I want to be good for you, Niall. I want to make you happy."

 

"I'm not a chump," Niall sniffed. His hand was killing him from trying to use it and he cradled it against his chest. "Everyone told me you couldn't be faithful, Harry. A leopard doesn't change its spots."

 

"Who the fuck is everyone?" Harry snapped, irritated by all these irrelevant people forming opinions on him. They didn't know him. None of them did.

 

Niall shrugged. "Your friends in New York. Louis. The people I sell to. Liam. Nicole."

 

Harry's jaw clenched. "I've never even been in a relationship before, how the fuck do they know whether I can be faithful or not? But yeah, I know it’s easiest to paint me as some horrible villain."

 

Niall hugged his cast tighter and stared at the plants dully. He was silent for several seconds. "Why, Harry? Why, immediately after I told you not to sleep with him? I had just told you I didn't want you to. So why did you?" he asked softly.

 

"I made a mistake. I'm a piece of shit. There, I said it. What more do you want from me?"

 

"That's not a real answer," Niall frowned.

 

Harry sighed deeply. "I really don't know what you're searching for Niall. I thought one more time couldn't hurt. Obviously I was wrong."

 

"Yeah, you were," Niall bit out sharply. But his rage was quickly capsized by the depth of his hurt and his sharpness disappeared. "I don't know, Harry... I've been beat up a lot... I don't know how much more I can take."

 

Harry nodded. "I understand," he said softly. "Just give me a chance to make things right. I won't ever do anything to hurt you again."

 

Niall snorted. He'd heard that before. He reached for one of Zayn's leaves with his good hand and rubbed it gently between his fingers. "If you ever cheat on me again, I'm leaving you, and I won't ever come back," he said softly.

 

"I won't." The thought of being without Niall actually terrified him as if he hadn't lived all those years perfectly fine before him. As if Niall hadn't made his life a mess, but brought a feeling so powerful and addicting that Harry didn't know if he'd ever be ready to let him go. He cupped his cheek and stroked along it softly. "I won't," he repeated.

 

Niall let out a heavy gust of air and sort of crumpled. He pulled Harry against him and hid in his shoulder. He squeezed him for a good five minutes before he said, "Now why the fuck hasn't Tomlinson come begging for my forgiveness?"

 

Harry held Niall tight and stroked down his back. "I don't know," he said. He hadn't talked to Louis after their spat, so he had no idea what the boy was up to. "He's probably going to call you sooner or later. He's probably asleep or something."

 

"Asleep? It's 1 pm!" Niall sighed heavily. "Louis' screwed. Liam and Zayn took off together. They'll be a couple by the time the get back." His voice was grim.

 

Harry didn’t care so much. Sure Louis would be a mess, but he'd get over it and realize that he'd dodged a bullet. "We came back pretty late," Harry said and yawned softly. "I'm so tired. Do you want to go back to mine and nap?"

 

Niall looked up at his boyfriend, his face dark. "Harry," he said, hearing the lack of concern in the other boy's voice. "You can't do shit like that, you get me? You can't do shit like call Liam while you're fucking the love of his life, alright? That's bullshit. I mean, I don't like Liam any more than you do, but that's bullshit."

 

"It has happened and nothing can change that. Can we move on?" Harry said and rolled his eyes. He didn’t quite get why they were making such a big deal out of it. It wasn't like Liam and Louis ever had a good, solid relationship.

 

Niall banged his head on Harry's shoulder as if it was a brick wall. His boyfriend.... was infuriating. "Just tell me you won't do it again. Please."

 

Harry had no interest in doing it again. "I won't. Promise." He tilted Niall's face up. "Now, can I get my 'welcome back, I was a mess without you' kiss?"

 

Niall sighed heavily. He squeezed the bridge of his nose between his eyes. He felt his own temperature with the back of his hand. Eventually, he talked himself down. Harry could be such a nightmare. "Tell me something romantic, Harry. You're so good at that. Say something to make me buttery."

 

Harry smiled. "Ok. I'd like to tell you that where ever I am, I'm thinking about you. Whatever happens between us, now, in the future, I'll always think about how, despite everything, there were moments you made my heart swell with happiness. That no matter how much I tell myself I wished I never met you, I was, and will probably always be in love with you."

 

Niall's eyes washed over Harry's face and saw that there was something soft and vulnerable and sincere in Harry. He was so addicted to that; it was so staggeringly beautiful. "Ok," Niall said, reaching up and stroking down his face with his fingertips. "Ok... I missed you," he whispered softly. "I was a mess without you..." Then he leaned in and kissed him as if they had been apart for years.

 

And these were the moments that Harry was addicted to. These were the moments that made his heart expand three times with warmth and love for this boy. He kissed him back passionately and held him tight against him. "I missed you too. And I'd do this all over again. No regrets."

 

"I hope you aren't talking about the past few days," Niall said against his lips, hoping Harry had learned a lesson from that.

 

Harry chuckled softly. "No. I'm talking about you and me." He pulled back and looked at Niall, eyes soft with adoration and love. "I don't know what you've done to me, Niall Horan, but I've given into it."

 

Niall dropped his eyes and smiled softly. "Ok. But no more romantic getaways with men that aren't me. Ok?"

 

"Ok," Harry said and kissed Niall's forehead. "Let's go out for of here. I'm starving."

 

~*~

 

Harry was showing off for him and he knew it. Apparently the rich thought taking their significant others somewhere fancy was the trick to winning their forgiveness. Niall wasn't going to complain; he needed the babying. They were on a balcony with a view of the water and their bench seat allowed Niall to lean back on Harry's chest while he casually popped shrimp into his mouth. He hadn't talked much. He was too exhausted and he was afraid conversation might lead them into fighting territory again, so he was content to watch the sea birds and the setting sun.

 

Louis had never felt so alone in his life. Liam was mad at him and on a romantic getaway with Zayn fucking Malik - the thought that they were probably having dirty sex in the mountains made his blood boil and it also made him want to cry-- he was angry at that fucker Styles but worse of all, Niall was probably mad at him and with good reason. He called him later when he was curled into his sofa with blankets and a huge cup of warm chocolate, heart quivering in apprehension.

 

Niall looked down at his phone and showed it to Harry with a 'so sorry, I have to get this' face and got up and went to the far side of the balcony. "Hey, Lou," he said.

 

Louis sat straighter up at Niall's voice. He'd really doubted it'd be taken and now that it had, he wasn't sure what to say. He went into a rant. "I know you must hate me and you have every right to. I've been such a shitty friend. I should be known that you wouldn't be alright with me sleeping with Harry and, oh my god, I'm such a traitorous, lonely cock slut. I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore, I wouldn't be friends with me either-"

 

"Louis, Louis, Louis... Slow down, alright? Breathe." Niall had to smile a little bit. It was cute. "Yeah. I'm mad. Harry told me that you two fucked after I asked him to come home. I know about that. And... Yeah, I do think this is something we need to talk out. But you don't have to... y'know, you don't have to have a conniption. I still love you. We're still friends."

 

Louis was a little breathless. "We're still friends?" he asked hopefully. He needed Niall more now than ever. "Oh thank God. I'm so sorry. I miss you loads. When are you coming home?"

 

"I'm just out for dinner, now. With Harry..." Niall looked around, then muttered so Harry couldn't hear. "He took me to Corsair... Fucking Corsair, Louis. I'm in ratty jeans and my shirt has dirt stains all over it. Can you believe it?"

 

Louis snorted. "He's so predictable." He rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you two have worked things out though I still want to murder him."

 

"Why? Why do you want to murder him?" He presumed that Harry lied about his culpability in Louis' predicament.

 

"He hasn't told you?" Louis wouldn't be surprised if Harry had stuck Niall a big, fat lie, that little shithead. "He called Liam while we were having sex. I mean who the fuck does shit like that? Now Liam is angry and in Vermont with Zayn."

 

"He... He told you that?" Niall was actually impressed. Really impressed if Harry told Louis the truth. He turned back to look at him, feeling warmed by the thought that maybe Harry was changing.

 

"No. He told me Liam called, which I know is bullshit. I haven't been able to call and ask Liam because he won't talk to me, but there aren’t any incoming calls from Liam on that day.”

 

Niall sighed heavily. “Um... I'd better-- I'd better come back... We'll get the check and I'll come home, ok? We can talk all this out...?"

 

"Ok. I think I'm going to cry," Louis said with a small smile. "Don't bring Harry. I really don't want to see him at the moment. "

 

"Yeah, I know... I know. I'll see you soon, alright? Just hang in there. Love you..." He hung up and hung his head. "Harry," he had to laugh, a sad, helpless little laugh. "Ohhhhhh, Harry."

 

Harry looked up with a raised brow. He wouldn't be surprised if Louis had told Niall something to turn him against him. "What?"

 

"You... you told him Liam called you?"

 

"I told him Liam called him. Is he still mad?"

 

"Harry..." Niall said, his voice high with stress. "He looked at the call log in his phone and saw that it was an outgoing call, not an incoming call. Besides, he's going to talk to Liam! Liam will definitely say he got a call from Louis' phone!"

 

Harry nodded. "I know," he said lightly, like it was no big deal. "It really doesn't matter now, does it? It'll blow over and Payne can't be too mad. It isn't like Louis did anything wrong, now is it?"

 

"Harry. You lied to your best friend. You... You took the entire situation out of his hands. He's going to be furious with you no matter what happens! And..." He sighed heavily. "Harry, you're... I can't believe you sometimes. I mean, I really fucking can't believe you."

 

Harry sighed. They'd just been having such a good, quiet nice time but of course Louis was going to ruin it. "I'm only looking out for him," he said and studied his watch. "You understand that, don't you? Liam is only going to hurt him again."

 

"That's not your choice to make. You don't understand that, do you?" Niall sighed heavily and came over to where Harry sat and cuddled his head into his chest. "Why are you so crazy?" he kissed the top of his head. "Why is my boyfriend the craziest man I've ever met?"

 

Harry looked a bit indignant. "You aren't exactly the most normal, mentally stable person out there, love. I guess you've been rubbing off on me. A little crazy has never hurt anyone. In fact, it only makes things interesting."

 

Niall looked down at him. "Fair point. But don't lie to your friends, please." He stroked a thumb over Harry's cheek. "And get the check, I have to go home and comfort Louis, and you can't come."

 

"I figured as much," Harry said with a huff, pulling away and sitting up. He called the waiter over so he could pay. "And why do you let him off the hook so easily, when you chewed me out? That's hardly fair."

 

"He'll be getting his," Niall said simply.

 

Harry paid for the dinner and got to his feet. "Good," he said and led Niall out. "Come over to mine when you're done."

 

"I might stay with Louis tonight."

 

Harry stared at Niall. "Ok, then. I'll keep myself entertained with my new toys."

 

Niall stared at his face, his own a look of dismay. Then he let out the highest, most pathetic puppy whine.

 

"I haven't had anything inside of me for nearly a week. I'm probably so tight. God, I can't wait to finger myself and then fuck myself open with that shiny dildo."

 

Niall stared at him. "Harry.... Stop blackmailing me."

 

"Oh, I'm not blackmailing you, love," Harry said with wide, innocent eyes. He pulled out of the parking lot. "I'm just telling you how I’ll be spending my evening."

 

Niall put his head back on the seat. After everything they'd been through, he really wasn't that interested in being manipulated by Harry any further. "You do what you have to, baby."

 

That had Harry severely disappointed and annoyed. "I will," he said indignantly. "I'll drop you off at Louis' and you can stay there for however long you want."

 

"Don't be angry at me for cleaning up a mess you made, Harry. Please? We just made up."

 

"I'm not angry," Harry grumbled.

 

"You're pouting." Niall could tell because his boyfriend's beautiful full lips were even more full and beautiful.

 

"I can pout if I'd like," Harry muttered. He couldn't understand why Niall couldn't come over after cleaning up whatever mess he claimed he'd made.

 

"I'll come over if I can, boo," Niall said, reaching over to stroke Harry's cheek. Why was he so fucking cute when he was testy?

 

Harry leaned away from Niall's touch indignantly. "No need to," Harry said. "I'll be busy." He pulled up in front of Louis' apartment. "Out you go,” he said and made a small dismissing wave.

 

"Harry..." Niall was about to try again to make his boyfriend see sense, but that just wasn't Harry Styles. He sighed and leaned over, gently kissing Harry's neck. "If I promise to stay with you all day tomorrow and make love to you from dawn til sunset, will you stop making a stink?"

 

That sounded fantastic but Harry still wanted Niall tonight. "I need you tonight, love," he said, tilting his face and kissing the corner of Niall's mouth.

 

"I have to take care of Louis tonight, Harry." He could just feel Harry not getting this and it made him doubtful of having made the right choice to stay with the boy.

 

Harry leaned back and blinked. "Ok," he said, knowing that Niall had made up his mind. Of course Harry didn't come first, what had he even expected. "Go. He's waiting for you."

 

"Harry... Fuck. Fuck. Harry. Do we have to talk about this now? I don't understand how... Harry, you're being so selfish. Louis is hurting, don't you even care?"

 

"I understand and I'm telling you to go," Harry said evenly. Louis was hurting, he got that, but that didn't mean that Niall had to spend the whole night there. "Go take care of him."

 

Niall sighed hard through his nose. "I'll see you tomorrow, Harry," he said, getting out of the car. Whether he wrapped things up with Louis tonight or not, he needed a break from his boyfriend.

 

Louis heard the door open and he got to his feet, racing over. "Niall!" He hopped onto the boy in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry. I missed you, and I love you a lot. Please, forgive me. I'll never do it again."

 

Niall just sighed against Louis in his arms. He was starting to feel like Harry had used them both. "It's ok," he said a little dully. "It's ok, Louis..."

 

Louis squeezed Niall tighter. "Are you sure? Tell me if you're mad, because you have every right to. I don't know why I even slept with him. It wasn't worth it at all."

 

Niall looked into Louis' eyes as he held him. "I -- I almost left him today, Louis. I'm not sure I made the right choice to stay with him."

 

Louis' eyes widened a bit. "Oh," he said softly, eyes sympathetic. "I know that he's selfish and infuriating and an asshole, but he's in love with you, Niall, he really is. If you left him, it'd break him."

 

"Then he has to grow up," Niall said simply, bluntly. "He has to grow up." He took Louis' hand and led him to the sofa. "I have to be honest with you, Louis. I have to confirm what you already know: Harry called Liam. He called him intentionally while you two were fucking. I told him he couldn't do that, I told him he was... He was being cruel, but he seems to think he did the right thing, for your own good. I can't... I can't make him see," Niall said apologetically.

 

Louis took a shaky breath and buried his face in his hands. "Liam thinks it was me that called him. He doesn’t want to talk to me before he comes back."

 

Niall put his arms around his friend and held him close. "I don't-- I don't know how to get through to Harry. He was pissy with me just now before he dropped me off because I told him I wanted to come take care of you..." Niall squeezed his eyes shut and winced. "I'm not sure he's a good person, Louis."

 

Louis shook his head a bit. He hated to play the devil's advocate, especially when he was so pissed and hurt by Harry, but he felt like he should. "He isn't a bad person," he said softly. "He just needs to learn that he can't get away with pulling shit like this." He sighed deeply. "I mean, can you blame the boy? He's grown up with pretty much everyone kissing his ass. And then there's his perverted father and ghost mother."

 

"So, what? We're supposed to teach him? You and me? He doesn't listen to me. He says he can't live without me, then expects me to be his servant."

 

Louis sighed deeply. "I don't know," he said, exhausted. He looked at Niall. "I can hear that you aren't in love with him, yet."

 

"How can I be when this is how he treats people?" Niall looked down at Louis, saw how pale and scared he looked. He stroked the feathery hair from his forehead and sighed. "Look at you. You look like a frightened mouse." Niall kissed his forehead lovingly.

 

Louis leaned his forehead against Niall's shoulder and took a deep breath. "He's not always that bad," he said weakly.

 

Niall laughed softly and stroked his hair. "We'll see. I'm not sure how much more of him I can take... I... I really was ready to leave today. For good. My greatest fear was losing your friendship."

 

Louis smiled. "I was so scared to lose you, too." He hugged Niall around the middle and nuzzled his neck. "I miss Liam," he said quietly.

 

Niall sighed. He needed one more promise from Louis before he could change the subject. "Hey, Louis: Promise me... Promise me that if me and Harry split, you and me will still be friends?"

 

Louis lifted his face and looked at Niall. He knew it was going to be hard balancing Niall and Harry if they were to split, but he really didn't want to lose Niall ever. "I promise," he said and smiled. "We'll always be friends."

 

Niall kissed his forehead. "Good. Good. Now, I can talk about Liam," he smirked, but it faded. "You haven't talked to him?"

 

Louis face was sad. "He told me he didn't want to talk before he got back on Monday."

 

Niall stroked his thumb over Louis' cheek. "If it helps," he said softly, "Zayn swore up and down that they were just friends." He said that to comfort Louis, not because he believed it was true.

 

Louis let out a small pathetic sound. "Just friends? Yeah right," he muttered. "They can still do a lot of things even if they're just friends. Nobody can resist Zayn's face." He was so insecure and it showed.

 

"Have you thought of going up to Vermont? To ... To see him?"

 

"Yeah I have but... I should give him his time, don't you think?"

 

"I don't know. Liam seems to like big gestures."

 

Louis sat up a little. "He does," he said with a soft smile. "Do you...do you really think I should do it? Or maybe I should wait for him in his room clad in nothing but one of his jumpers?"

 

Niall smirked at how cute that would be. "You know him better than me. I just know he made a scene at the ball for you, then a ridiculous and outlandish promise... Louis... Are you sure you want to be with him?"

 

Louis was quiet for a few seconds. "I don't think there'll be anyone who'll ever love me as much as he does. And I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as I do him. I...think he's the one, Niall."

 

Niall swallowed. "If he's the one... Then why did you... Why did you do what you did with Harry?"

 

Louis looked down, guiltily. He'd hoped they wouldn't bring that up ever again. "I was lonely and he was there," he said quietly and shrugged. "It was just supposed to be a one-time thing."

 

"It's Harry," Niall said softly. "You have a weakness for Harry. Even though you want Liam, even though you knew I didn't want you sleeping with him... You have a weak spot for Harry Styles, Louis."

 

Louis closed his eyes. "I'm ashamed," he said softly and played with a loose string on Niall's shirt. "Even when I was with Liam..." he shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek. "He's got his hooks in me so deep and I don't know how to shake him off."

 

"Do you... are you in love with him?" Niall asked softly, trying to let Louis know he wouldn't freak out if the answer was 'yes'.

 

Louis frowned a bit. "No...it's not love...it's something darker like...I don't know...addiction, maybe?" he laughed softly. "Is that even possible? Because I feel like I have withdrawal whenever we fight and it's always me who crawls back to him. It's pathetic."

 

"Lust?" Niall reasoned. "Did you ... Did you fuck him when you were with Liam?"

 

Louis tensed. "What? I...no..." he was wide-eyed and ashamed and he shrunk a bit, looking even smaller than he already was. "...almost."

 

Niall had a better idea of how painful overhearing Louis and Harry together must have been for Liam. Louis had quite an uphill battle in front of him. "And you want Liam... even if it means never, ever sleeping with Harry again?"

 

"Yes," Louis said firmly. "And I won't ever sleep with Harry again, Niall. I swear."

 

"Is that a promise you can keep?" Niall asked delicately, staring into his eyes.

 

"Yes," Louis said, determined more than ever.

 

"Ok..." He said quietly, stroking Louis' cheek and asking himself, for the 100th time why he and Louis couldn’t have been together. "You may need to book a flight to Vermont, then."

 

Louis nuzzled into Niall's hand. "You're probably right," he said. "I'll do it right away."

 

"I'll drive you," Niall offered as Louis got up to get his lap top. "Hey... Louis?" he called while the boy was in the other room. "You ever thought... Maybe you and I should... Y'know... Ditch these losers and just get married or something?"

 

Louis laughed heartily. "You know that's the best thing I've heard in a while! We would be the most bad-ass power couple!" He booked a ticket from his computer and packed a little bag.

 

"I'm... I'm actually kind of serious," Niall said, standing in his doorway, watching him pack. He shrugged apologetically, but he just felt he had to throw it out there.

 

Louis stopped up what he was doing and looked at Niall. He smiled and shook his head. "I love you, Niall, but I think our hearts already belong to those assholes."

 

Niall's eyes fell for a brief second. He understood what he meant. He nodded and shyly stole a soft, fleeting kiss from his friend. "Ok. But... if it doesn't work out... Y'know. Just think about it."

 

Louis sighed and rested his forehead against Niall's for a few moments. "I really wish I was in love with you and you were in love with me. I bet we are together in another, alternative universe." He grinned softly and kissed Niall's cheek before he grabbed his little bag. "Drive me to the airport."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	29. Chapter 29

Liam supposed it was the fact that this was their last night here, mixed with the wine tasting they'd just done, that made him find Zayn so irresistible, he was pulling the other boy's clothes off before they were even in their room. They tumbled into the large space and Liam immediately pushed Zayn on top of the desk to better facilitate ripping his pants off, all the while planting fierce, hungry kisses on his throat and face.

 

Zayn was so hot and bothered he feared he might faint. He loved having Liam this hot for him; it made a fire of arousal burn bright in the bottom of his belly. He was addicted to Liam's hands, his mouth, just everything about him and he was determined to have sex to him till they both passed out. He had tilted his face to kiss Liam's neck when his eyes fell on a figure sitting on the bed. He froze when his eyes met with a pair of large, blue ones. Louis. Fuck. He began pushing Liam off of him, heart jackhammering against his ribs. "Liam. Liam stop, stop!"

 

Liam wasn't very good at stopping and struggled with him for a second or two before he realized this wasn't sex play. He followed Zayn’s wild-eyed gaze and saw Louis sitting there, all eyes and he immediately stood up straight, his body shielding Zayn’s half naked one. "What are you doing here?"

 

Louis felt like a wrecking ball had come flying and slammed into his heart, breaking it into million, unrecognizable pieces. He stared at Liam with his hair messed up from Zayn's hands and his mouth wet with Zayn's kisses. He was breathing hard and he could feel himself break down. His eyes filled with tears and his open mouth quivered. He stood up hastily. He wasn't interested in Liam or Zayn seeing him cry.

 

Liam frantically put Zayn back together. He looked a bit pale. "Zayn, um... Look, take my wallet-- can you... can you give us a little bit?" He felt bad abandoning Zayn like this, but he couldn't see any other way of handling this situation. "Just go to the bar or that little restaurant across the street. I'll come get you, ok?"

 

That felt like a painful jab and Zayn looked down, grabbing his jacket that Liam had ripped off of him just a minute before. "Ok," he said flatly and threw Louis who was standing with his back to him a fleeting glance, before brushing past him and into the cold air.

 

"It was a mistake," Louis said, voice wet.

 

"What?" Liam only now had the presence of mind to turn to him.

 

"Coming here," Louis said through gritted teeth. He could have lived without seeing what he'd just seen. He should just have stayed at home and cuddled with Niall. Oh, Niall. He was going to be so heartbroken.

 

"Why... Why did you?" Liam asked, standing awkwardly between Louis and the door, afraid the other boy would try to bolt.

 

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" Louis said and hastily wiped away a tear. "You're fucking Zayn. Of course you are. Couldn't resist him, huh? He probably only had to bat his stupidly long eyelashes at you."

 

Liam swallowed. "We're just... We're not together. We just needed a few days away from everything."

 

Louis wanted to cry. He looked so small and vulnerable as he wrapped his arms around himself. "Sorry for interrupting," he muttered. "I just came to tell you that I didn't make that call. Harry did." He looked up at Liam. "It doesn't matter though. This wasn't a good idea. I'll leave."

 

"Harry did?" Liam's voice came like a blast from a bullhorn. "Harry called me from your phone?"

 

Louis nodded. "Yeah. He's...I don't know what he was thinking."

 

"He's a stupid jerk!" Liam's hands were in fists. He was out of control and he hated this. "Why did you even come here?" he lamented, his chest heaving a little. "And why -- Why did you have to sleep with stupid Harry Styles in the first place?" He roared, thumping the wall hard enough to shake dust from the ceiling.

 

Louis flinched. "I don't know. I just did." Because he was lonely and Harry was sweet and life-ruining like a drug. "I came because I wanted to see you." He took a deep breath. "Because I miss you."

 

"I told you--" Liam took a deep breath. "I told you to wait til--" But he couldn't finish. "If you missed me so darn much, then why the heck were you ignoring me? And running off to Europe with that slimy jerk?"

 

"Because I needed time, alright? Because my heart is still broken, because I'm afraid that you'll hurt me again, Liam! You just fucking did! By fucking the love of my best friend's life!" Louis was getting fired up. Liam used to tell him that he was the only boy he was attracted to, that he was his exception, but of fucking course he wouldn't be able to just stay friends with Zayn-look-at-my-perfect-face-Malik. He was seething.

 

"You told me to give up my best friend, to sit in cold, stony silence and wait for you because I thought you were trying to heal, trying to trust me! But that's not what happened! You forgot about me and did what you always wanted to do: You ran off and slept with Harry Styles, like all you get off on nowadays is torturing me! So don't you dare come down like the law on me for thinking that I was nothing more than a joke to you! You know darn well I would've been anything you wanted me to be if only you showed me some bloody respect, but instead you chose to jerk me around and treat me like trash! Dammit, Louis! Goddammit, don't you dare come here and make me out to be the villain!" Liam had never, ever yelled at Louis before. Sure, he had gotten mad, but that usually resulted in him going outside and running until he was calm enough to come back and talk rationally. This was new.

 

Louis was flabbergasted into silence and just stared at Liam with wide eyes, mouth agape. He honestly didn't know how to react. He took a deep breath and counted to ten inside of his head. "I'm sorry," he said then, sincerely. "I shouldn't have slept with Harry even though I didn't do anything wrong by sleeping with him." He sighed and chewed on his lip. "I didn't come here to fight with you. I came here because I wanted to see you and tell you...and tell you that I love you."

 

"I don't believe you," Liam said simply. His face was sad, but his frame was still rigid with tension. "You like stringing me along; you like punishing me, but you don't love me. You're never going to see past what I did to you. And while I'm sorry, I really, truly am sorry I did it, I don't want to suffer for it for the rest of my life."

 

"I really am trying to see through it. I really want to. That's why I'm here, Liam!" Louis said frustrated. He took a few cautious steps forward, staring at Liam with sad eyes as well. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you. I'm here to work through our issues, because I want to forgive you...because I want to be with you."

 

"You want to forgive me, but you haven't," Liam said softly. "That's no way to build a relationship. I let you push me around because I was guilty. I let you push me into doing something really horrible that I absolutely regret and I ... I don't want that anymore. I won't do that again. I don't want to tear my life apart trying to apologize to you or make you feel secure."

 

"I don't want you to tear your life apart for me, Liam, but you still need to work for my trust. You shattered it. Do you think I can just trust you like nothing has happened?" Louis shook his head. This wasn't what he'd expected at all. He hadn't thought Liam would be like this...like he didn't want to be with him anymore. Louis swallowed. "Do you still want to be with me?"

 

Liam deflated somewhat, his eyes darting around the room as if he would find the answer there. Eventually, he seemed to find it, somewhere on the carpet above his left shoe. "I don't know. I don't know..." Then after a great, deep inhale, he said softly, "No. Not if you don't trust me."

 

A fire of hurt and anger burned Louis' throat. "You have to fix my broken trust, don't you get that?" he said and his voice wavered with his emotions. This was a mistake, he repeated in his head, he should get out of here and get married to Niall. Maybe he'd fall in love with him at some point.

 

"I never cheated on you, I never lied to you, I had one stupid knee-jerk reaction that was a horrible mistake, but completely out of character and I utterly repent it! I love you! I love you! No one will ever love you like I love you, but I know you! Louis... I know you. I know you'll never trust me. The only person you trust is Harry Styles and that's because you know, unquestionably, that he will be a dickhead. There is nothing I can do to make you trust me but I know you'll drag me through coals trying to figure it out. Either you take the risk and you trust me or you don't. Trust is about risk, Louis, that's all it is. There is nothing in the world that will ever make it safe. I love you. But I don't want my mistake to be the excuse that keeps you mean and scared."

 

Louis didn't say anything for a long time and just stared at Liam with blank eyes. Part of him wanted to walk out and never look back. Maybe he'd been wrong, maybe Liam wasn't the one for him, maybe Harry had been right in his own dickish way, maybe there was someone out there who truly fit with him. Another part of him was so exhausted by this and just wished Liam would scoop him up in his arms and hold him tight and kiss him. He was torn. He shifted a bit and looked around the room. When he looked back at Liam, he said, "Do you know that Zayn likes you? Really likes you? You're using him."

 

Liam flinched. "How do you-- You don't even..." But then he gathered himself and took a deep breath. "You didn't fly out here to talk about Zayn."

 

Louis sighed softly. "No. I didn't." He looked at his feet for a few moments, before he looked back up at Liam. He took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. "Ok," he said. "I'll take a risk and trust you."

 

Liam blinked at him. He genuinely hadn't been expecting that. He would've bet his life savings on Louis walking out, calling him names and cursing his family. He never even considered this was an option and the shock was clear on his face for a good five seconds. "Um... What... What... Really?" He had to recalibrate internally to adjust for this new possibility. He wasn't sure what he thought of it.

 

Louis looked at Liam, not at all enjoying his reaction. He'd expected a smile, a kiss maybe, anything other than this. "I want to try again- to trust you...if you still want to," he said softly, insecure. Maybe Liam had realized that he liked screwing Zayn too much to consider being with him again.

 

Liam was quiet for a while. The thing that hadn't been acknowledged was that his trust had been broken, too. He had put up with Louis' unreasonable demands under the impression that Louis was working toward being with him too, but instead he decided to fuck that stupid Styles kid. "Louis..." Still, it was Louis. Louis, who taught him how to love in the first place and who would forever be number one in his heart if he never processed this. He reached out and touched his face, tracing the pretty curve of his bottom lip. "What would you ask of me?" He needed to know -- he wasn't ditching Zayn again for the world.

 

Louis' eyelids fluttered a bit at the touch and subconsciously leaned into it; he'd missed Liam's touch so much. "Just that you are mine and mine alone," he said softly.

 

"I can do that," Liam said, feeling himself falling back under Louis' spell so easily; it was seamless. "Will you do the same for me?" But the spell wasn't as complete or naive as it was before.

 

Louis nodded. "Yes." He was ready to be better for Liam this time around, ready to try this and maybe they wouldn't work, after all they were both still very young, but Louis would still try.

 

Liam stroked his thumbs over Louis' eyebrows, his eye lashes, his pretty cheek bones, the corner of his mouth, as if discovering him for the first time. "Ok," he said softly. And then, Louis got the smile he had wanted, just before Liam leaned in to give him a soft, loving kiss.

 

Louis sighed into the kiss, curling his fingers in Liam's shirt and stepping closer, tilting his face. Liam's kisses always made his whole body tingle and his stomach flutter.

 

Liam folded him close and held him in that lock that was so secure an earthquake couldn't shake them apart. Liam had missed the way his love felt in his arms and it had been too long, far too long. He nuzzled into Louis' neck and stroked his hair and wanted to lay him down and make love to him for hours, but this was not the right circumstance. "We're flying out tomorrow. When is your ticket back?"

 

Louis felt so safe and secure and happy when he was wrapped up like this. Like nothing in the world could hurt him. "Tomorrow as well," he muttered and kissed Liam's neck, fingers slipping under the back of Liam's shirt, eager to touch him. He hadn't for so long.

 

"I might need some time to ... to work things out with Zayn..." He didn't want to hurt him and he was dreading the possibility that Louis was right about his love for him.

 

Louis held tighter onto Liam. He didn't want to let go, but he reminded himself that he needed to trust him. He sighed. "Ok," he said and reluctantly pulled a little back to look at Liam. "Do you want me to go? I can change my ticket."

 

Liam stroked through his hair. "That might be best," he said, regretfully. "I just want to make room for... for whatever he needs." He kissed Louis' forehead and said, "He's my friend, Lou. He's my best friend. But I don't love him like I love you." He knew Louis needed to hear that.

 

Louis smiled and nodded, reassured for now. He curled his fingers tightly in Liam's shirt and gave him a long, lingering kiss. "I understand," he said once he pulled away and hugged Liam tightly. "I'll be at home waiting for you."

 

Liam nodded. "I'll get in around eleven. Can I... Will you come to my house?" He didn't want to risk running into Harry and he knew Zayn might need Niall.

 

"Yes. No problem," Louis said and kissed Liam again. He pulled away reluctantly. "See you tomorrow."

 

Liam pulled him back when he started to leave and kissed him again, longer, deeper, lingering, so it would last them. "Yeah. Yeah. Tomorrow. I love you, Lou."

 

Tomorrow seemed so far away in Louis' mind and he held onto Liam for a little longer. "I love you too," he said softly, before he turned on his heels and walked out.

 

Liam took a few minutes in the room to try and catch his breath and gather his thoughts before he went out into the night, across the street at the bar to find Zayn.

 

Zayn was sitting by the bar and nursing a drink, a blank look in his eyes. He looked up when he saw Liam enter and he knew what he was going to tell him. He braced himself as much as he could. He'd known this had been coming all along.

 

Liam could tell by Zayn's reaction to him that he knew. And worse, he could see by the way Zayn was trying to keep himself together that Louis was right about the boy's feelings for him. It gave him the feeling of glass cutting through his guts. He carefully approached and sat down next to him, his carefully planned speech falling apart like ashes in his mouth.

 

Zayn realized he was white-knuckling his glass and loosened his grip on it, lifting it to his mouth and knocking down the drink. He glanced at Liam briefly. "How did it go?" he asked quietly, even though he knew.

 

Liam took a deep breath. "He wants to give it another go... I, we... We sort of had it out a little. Things are different. I'm not going to let him push me around like he used to and he knows that now..." It was Liam's attempt at telling him they would always be friends.

 

"That's good," Zayn said with an empty smile as much as he tried to sound sincere, it felt flat. He gestured for the bartender for another drink in hopes that the alcohol would wash away the burn he was feeling in his throat. "I'm glad it finally worked out for you, Liam."

 

"I've treated you unfairly," Liam said, his voice gravely with regret.

 

Zayn glanced at Liam, puzzled. "How so?"

 

"I shouldn't've... I shouldn't've slept with you knowing I might just turn around and go right back to Louis. Honestly, I... I didn't expect him to be so reasonable; I didn't think we'd be getting back together, I never... If I thought we would've, I wouldn't... I don't want you to think I used you -- that I think of you that way.”

 

Zayn blinked slowly at Liam. "Don't do that," he said with a slight huff and reached for his drink, taking a sip. "I knew perfectly well what I was doing." He'd known that sex with Liam was fleeting, something that he'd lose any second when Louis acquired a brain, which he'd done sooner than Zayn had thought he would, but he'd known all the same that Liam's heart belonged and would always belong to Louis. "It's alright." Except it wasn't and there was absolutely no way Zayn was staying at Liam's house. He'd have to find another solution. He sighed and took another swig.

 

"I'm not abandoning you," Liam said sternly, knowing Zayn didn't trust that. "Nothing's changed, Zayn. Nothing's changed. You're still my best friend. I refuse to let Louis interfere with that."

 

That was the problem: that nothing had changed and Louis still had Liam whipped. He turned to give Liam a wan smile. "I know, Liam. It's ok. I’m happy that you got what you wanted."

 

"Now, don't you do that." He'd seen this on Zayn before. "You're fobbing me off, Zayn and I won't let you do it. You're pretending I'm leaving you out in the cold and I don't love you and you have to see that's not what's happening here. Don't shut me out. I won't let you."

 

Zayn sighed, rubbing his temple. He didn't have the heart to do this with Liam. Actually it didn't feel like he had any heart at all. All there was in his chest was a bloody, messy lump. He knocked his drink back and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Ok," he said simply. "I won't." Except he would. He couldn't quite stand being next to Liam with the knowledge that he couldn't touch him anymore.

 

Liam wasn't an idiot. He could feel it happening between them and he berated himself for fucking everything up between them. In truth, there was a part of him that thought that, after time, he and Zayn might be together. That part of him was hurting, too. "Then stay with me. We have several guest rooms. You can take your pick."

 

Zayn looked Liam dead in the eye and said clearly, "I don't want to." He looked away to take another sip at the drink. He'd be damned if he was staying in Liam's house and seeing him every fucking day. He simply couldn't do that. He didn't hate himself that much quite yet.

 

Liam closed his eyes and felt the sting acutely. "Would you... Would you have stayed with me if we hadn't slept together?" There was dread in his voice.

 

Zayn couldn't understand how Liam couldn't see what the issue was. "That's not the fucking problem, Liam," he said, a bit frustrated and impatient. "Look. I have a cousin who lives by himself and I'll stay with him." He had no such cousin but he just needed Liam to leave him alone.

 

This was worse than Liam had thought it would be. He could see Zayn trying to run far, far away from him and he hated it. He couldn't bear it. He crumpled in on himself a little bit, his mind racing for a way to fix this. "Tell me what the problem is," he said, his voice gentle and pleading. "Please just tell me what the problem is."

 

Zayn didn't look at Liam for a long time, his jaw clenching and unclenching. "I'm the problem," he said then, voice soft. "I'm the fucking problem, Liam." That was about as much as he was willing to say out loud. He turned to look properly at Liam, eyes soft. "You haven't done anything wrong at all. Ok?" This, after all, was Zayn's own fault, for feeling this way.

 

Liam didn't feel that way. "I'll do... I'll do whatever you need, alright? You just have to tell me."

 

Zayn laughed, softly, sadly. He shook his head. "Just leave it, Liam. It's me there's something wrong with. Not you."

 

"Doesn't matter," Liam insisted. "Whatever you need, alright?"

 

Zayn sighed. "I'm tired, Liam. I just want to go to sleep." And potentially never wake up again. Really, what did he have to wake up to anymore?

 

"Ok," Liam nodded. He paid the bill and walked silently into the room with his friend. He didn't know two people could survive in such awkward conditions.

 

Zayn curled up in bed and pulled the blanket over his head. He closed his eyes tightly, silent tears tearing a path across his face and dampening the pillow.

 

 

~*~

 

Niall needed a break from Harry. He had decided as much last night, so upon returning from the airport, he went up to the bedroom and curled up in the covers, planning to sleep til noon the following day.

 

Harry had kind of expected that Niall would turn up last night, but when he hadn't he had, just to spite him maybe, enjoyed playing with himself and his new toys, passing out after coming for the third time. He woke up late to the sound of his parents screaming at each other downstairs and no sight of Niall whatsoever. Lovely.

 

At noon, Niall finally felt rested enough to rise. He looked at his phone and saw nothing from Harry, nothing from Louis and, for whatever reason, he found that very relaxing. In fact, he was relaxed enough to send his boyfriend a text that said simply, "baaaaybaaaaaaaaaaay."

 

Harry was in a sour mood. When he'd gone downstairs after fearing that his parents were actually murdering each other, he'd been caught in the cross-fire. His mother was threatening to take custody of Harry, which Harry found ridiculous since he was 18, but his father looked genuinely threatened by it. Harry couldn't take it anymore so he got dressed and drove away. He was pissed when he got Niall's message and wrote back, 'Fuck you.'

 

That, of course, earned him a phone call. It was ringing within seconds.

 

"What?" Harry snapped as he took it. He was caught in the middle of a traffic jam, an accident up ahead and Jesus, this day kept getting better, huh?

 

"Harry, baby," Niall said, pointedly being patient. "What's up?"

 

"What's up?" Harry repeated, voice high with stress. "What's up is that you didn't show up last night, what's up is that I have idiotic adults that have no parental bones in their bodies as parents, what's up is that I'm caught in the middle of a fucking traffic jam. That's what's up!"

 

Niall frowned. "Where are you? Where are you going?"

 

"I was just--" Harry honked irritably at the idiot in front of him who for some reason didn't see that the line had moved. "I was having lunch with an acquaintance but at the rate I'm moving, I could've gotten there crawling."

 

"I thought we were going to spend the day together," Niall said casually.

 

"Well, you didn't fucking show up so, I made other plans."

 

Niall wanted to groan, to huff, to scream. "Ok. I'll just wait for you to call me, then." He was struggling not to get bitchy right back at his boyfriend.

 

Harry let out a huff and was about to say more when someone honked behind him. "Shut the fuck up," Harry hissed, glaring behind him. "Bye," he said to Niall and hung up, throwing the phone on the passenger seat.

 

Niall looked at his phone. "Yeah," he said. "I think I'm done with you."

 

~*~

 

Louis arrived back to his apartment late afternoon, exhausted from all the flying around but feeling happier than ever. He flung open the door to his flat and hallooed, "I'm home!"

 

Niall had been trying to distract himself (and failing) by playing FIFA on their X-Box. As soon as he heard Louis' voice, he flung his remote to the side and bounded up to the door. "Hi!" He was clearly delighted to hear such spirit in his friend's voice.

 

"Hi baby!" Louis greeted and jumped on Niall, hugging him tightly and smacking a kiss on his cheek. "I'm starving, is there any food lying around?"

 

"Yeah, of course! I ordered a pizza." Niall followed the young firebug into the kitchen and watched his eyes light up at the sight of an enormous pizza box. "So... Looks like things went well."

 

Louis grabbed a big slice of pizza and bit into the cheesy goodness. "Yes," he said, grinning widely, "we are back together."

 

"Heeeeey!" Niall laughed, throwing his arms wide and pulling Louis into a sincere, if not somewhat cheesy, hug. He was happy Louis was happy, but part of him was wary about the healthiness of their relationship. That, however, was an issue for another time. "So... Where is he?"

 

Louis had debated fiercely in the many hours journey back whether to tell Niall about Zayn and Liam, and he still didn't know whether he should keep it a secret or tell Niall. "His ticket was for this morning, so he'll be back by tonight. He told me I should come by his place."

 

"Oh... So you're just stopping by?"

 

"Yeah, actually I didn't think you'd be here. How's it going with Harry?"

 

Niall's lips pulled into a thin line, which he tried to make a smile, but it just wasn't happening. "Umm..." he said, at far too high a pitch. "I'm, um... I'm seriously considering... breaking up with him. So... I might need to cash in on that 'you and I will always be friends no matter what' conversation we had last night.”

 

Louis stopped mid-chew and stared at Niall, shocked. "What? Why? What happened? I've barely been away for a day, how badly could he have fucked up in that short time?"

 

"I just..." Niall put his hands over his face. "The passive-aggressive, needy bitchiness: I can't take it. He's a fucking child, Lou. He throws fits and tantrums and I just..." He leaned on the counter and dropped his head. "I just don't think I can take it. It isn't fun anymore."

 

"Oh. And here I'd thought that he'd be the one to get tired of you first," Louis said and shook his head. He really didn't want Niall and Harry to split, because he wasn't ready to deal being torn between them. "Give him a chance. Sit him down and talk to him and make him see that you're seriously considering leaving him if he doesn't make a change."

 

"He'll roll his eyes at me and say something like 'There's a little Indian place I've wanted to try out on Chamber Street.' And that will be it. He doesn't change, Louis. If you try to talk to him about anything, he just becomes an eyeball rolling machine."

 

Louis sighed softly. He knew that Harry wasn't one to see or for that matter admit his wrongs which was incredibly infuriating. "Just...try?" he said and looked at Niall. "He's really in love with you. If he'll change for anyone, it's you."

 

Niall looked up at him. "Will you talk to him? Just... If he hears it from you, he might take it seriously."

 

Louis sighed softly. He'd hoped he wouldn't have to deal with Harry for the remainder of the break. "Ok," he said, "I'll talk to him."

 

Niall smiled at him. "Thanks... Seriously, Louis, thanks... I'm... I'm kind of at the end of my rope with him..."

 

Louis gave him a hug. "I know. Don't worry, I'll try to make him see sense."

 

Niall squeezed him tight. "So... Did you see Zayn while you were there?"

 

Yes. He saw him attached to Liam, hot and heavy. "Yeah," Louis shrugged. "He was there."

 

"He... He look ok?"

 

No. He was probably everything but ok. Louis smiled, "Yeah. He didn't look particularly thrilled to see me, but he looked fine."

 

"Oh, good," Niall relaxed, trusting that Louis would tell him if there was anything distressing. "Well... I don't want to keep you, if you want to go see him. I mean, you must be excited to see your man again." Niall made a lewd gesture with his tongue.

 

Louis blushed and laughed, swatting Niall's arm. "I have to go shower first," he said and pinched Niall's cheek.

 

"Ok," Niall smiled at him. He watched him go up the stairs and he sighed.

Louis cleaned himself, put on his favorite jumper and a pair of tight jeans that made his bum pop, a little cologne before he flew down the stairs. "How do I look?" he asked and made a little twirl for Niall.

 

"Beautiful, Louis," Niall smiled at him. "You always look beautiful."

 

Louis beamed at him. "Thank you." He kissed Niall's cheek. "Call me if you need anything. I love you. Bye!"

 

"Love you, bye," Niall burbled as he watched his friend flitter out the door. Then he turned around and face-planted into the sofa.

 

~*~

 

Harry calmed down around evening and realized that he might have been just the slightest bit mean towards Niall. Besides, he kind of missed him already so he stopped by Louis' apartment clutching a bouquet of beautiful flowers early evening; hoping that either Louis wasn't home or he'd forgiven him. He knocked on the door.

 

Niall had been expecting Zayn -- hoping, rather, for Zayn, as he hopped down the stairs. When he answered the door and saw Harry there, looking gorgeous and a little guilty, holding a bouquet of flowers, all thoughts of Zayn slipped his mind. "Oh... Hi.... Are those-- Are those for me?" he nodded at the flowers.

 

"Yes," Harry said and gave the flowers to Niall. "I've been kind of an asshole the last couple of days. I'm sorry. I was taking out my frustrations on you." He peeked over Niall's shoulder. "Is Louis here?"

 

"Oh-- Thanks. No, no, he's... He went to go be with Liam." Niall held the flowers in his good hand, a little flummoxed: he'd never received flowers before.

 

"Do you think I can come in?"

 

"Yeah," Niall said, backing out of the door. "Sorry, yeah... Make yourself at home..." He went into the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase, but he couldn't find one, so he put them in an unused thermos. "They're really pretty," he said of them as he brought them into the living room and set them on the coffee table. "Thanks."

 

Harry sat down on the couch and smiled dimply. "Only the prettiest things for the prettiest boy."

 

Niall looked Harry over. His attitude was so completely different. "Did... What... Happened? You basically told me to go fuck myself this morning."

 

Harry shrugged. "My parents were fighting and dragged me into it. I was in a shitty mood." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't understand why they don't just divorce properly and settle as far away from each other."

 

"Why don't they?" Niall asked, coming around to sit next to Harry on the sofa.

 

"Because they need to uphold their image to the public," Harry scoffed. "You should see them when the cameras are on, they look like they're the happiest couple in the world. That we're a happy, functional family. It's sickening."

 

"You know," Niall said, reaching out to gently take Harry's hand. "When you're upset, you can talk to me, you know? Like... You can call me and wake me up if you have to, so you don't get so frustrated and knotted up. Maybe that would... help. You know? I'm your boyfriend. You can talk to me."

 

Harry smiled fondly at Niall. "I've never been very good at that. The opening up thing." He sighed and lifted Niall's hand to his mouth, kissing it softly. "But thank you, love. I appreciate it."

 

"Try it for me, ok? Please, Harry...? I get a bit... I don't know what to do with you sometimes. You're really good at... at blowing people off and well, first off, it really hurts."

 

"Ok. I'll try. It's not something I'll be able to do overnight but I'll work on it, yeah?"

 

Niall nodded. "Yeah." He reached out and stroked down Harry's face very gently, feeling himself relax about their relationship somewhat. At least, he no longer felt like he had to break it off immediately. "I'm glad you came over," he said sincerely.

 

"I missed you," Harry said and reached out. He cupped Niall's face and leaned in, kissing him sweetly.

 

Niall kissed him back and nuzzled him gently. "So... Um... In the spirit of talking to each other and... and telling each other everything, I guess I should let you know that Louis and Liam are back together..."

 

Harry sighed. "I figured as much," he said and pressed closer to Niall. "If that's what he wants and is happy with, then so be it." He was one hundred percent certain that relationship wouldn't last, but Louis would just have to learn that the hard way. Right now, he wanted to touch Niall. He draped his thigh over his leg and kissed him deeper, pushing his hand under his shirt.

 

Niall made a surprised little noise into his mouth. "Um.. Did you... Was there anything else you needed to- to talk about?" he asked. It wasn't that he didn't love Harry's hands on him; he really did. But their relationship was nearly entirely sexually based and Niall was a bit concerned that they weren't spending enough time actually getting to know each other.

 

"Nope," Harry said and pressed Niall down on the couch, crawling on top of him and kissing him hungrily. He kissed down his face, his jaw, nibbling on his neck. "Except that I'm in the mood to top you tonight," he said huskily, seductively. "What you say?" His fingers were already working Niall's pants open.

 

"Yeah, that's... that's probably best," he said, noting that he might have a difficult time of it with his hand in a cast as it was. "I just... We don't talk much, you know?" he said, lifting his hips to help Harry off with his pants.

 

"What do you mean?" Harry asked distracted and pulled the pants off, tossing it on the carpeted floor. He dipped his head so he could kiss along Niall's pale thigh, sucking marks into the soft skin.

 

"Well, we mostly... You know, we're either fighting or fucking... I still don't really know you…" He stroked Harry's curls and felt his skin prickle up against the cold.

 

"We'll have plenty of time to do that," Harry said, unconcerned and continued kissing up Niall's thigh, switching to the other before he emerged and helped Niall out of his shirt. He leaned down and kissed him wetly.

 

Niall's shirt got caught on his cast, but he ignored it. "When?" Niall asked, stroking over his throat. "When are you going to actually talk to me? Like a real human?"

 

Harry shut him up by kissing him, "Shhh, we'll talk later," he said and curled his fingers under the waist of Niall's boxers and pulled them down. Suddenly Niall's phone began ringing in his jeans on the floor.

 

Niall looked up at Harry's face, making it his decision whether or not Niall got the phone.

 

"Ignore it," Harry said and pulled the boxers fully off, diving down between Niall's legs. The phone went silent for a few precious moments and then it began ringing again.

 

"Oh, fuck," Niall gasped. "What if it's the hospital--" He dove for his jeans and picked up the phone: It was Zayn. He bit his lip, then without answering, texted Zayn: "Can't talk, will call you soon." He put his phone on silent before rolling back onto the couch, burrowing his way under his boyfriend. "I'm sure it's nothing," he said, not really feeling like it was nothing.

 

Harry glanced at the phone. "Come, let's go the bedroom." There was more space and he also wanted to get away from that irritating phone.

 

"I put it on si-- Oh, nevermind," Niall said, wrapping his arms around Harry's body and apologizing when his cast scratched against his skin.

 

Harry wrapped his arms around Niall and lifted him up. "Jesus, you're heavier than you look," he teased as he carried Niall up the stairs.

 

Niall laughed warmly. "Is this what it means when you top? I get treated like a princess? A fat little princess?"

 

Harry laughed and made it to the bedroom without falling under the weight. "My fat little princess," he said and dumped Niall on the bed. He went to the nightstand where he knew Louis kept the lube and crawled back between Niall's thighs, he buried his face between them and nudged in close so he could kiss Niall's hole.

 

Niall sighed and relaxed. He had to remind himself that this was Harry, not Ray. That this wasn't about demoralizing him, this was about sharing pleasure. But he couldn't stop his body from going a bit tense and he kept squeezing his eyes closed shut tight.

 

Harry felt the tension in Niall's body and stroked him tummy to help him relax. He lifted his head for a moment and looked at Niall, asking, "Are you alright?"

 

"Yeah..." Niall said, letting out a stored up huff of air he didn't know he'd been holding. "Yeah, baby... Your tongue feels great..."

 

Harry kissed Niall's thigh and went back to work, tonguing Niall's hole and pushing a finger alongside.

 

That's when Niall really found himself slipping into the mindset of being with Ray. He started breathing measuredly and making small sounds. His arms came across his middle to hug his ribs.

 

Harry stopped and lifted his head to look at Niall. He stared at him, confused for a few moments before the pieces fell into place. "Oh," he said softly. He emerged from Niall's thigh and cupped Niall's face, stroking his cheek softly. "Look at me."

 

Niall's lashes fluttered and his eyes opened to slits and he turned his face away. "Mmm?"

 

Harry studied him for a moment. He looked vulnerable and Harry could sense the fear under the surface. He could feel anger rising up inside of him at those goddamned perverts who'd done this. He kissed Niall's forehead gently. "Are you sure you're alright with this?"

 

Niall made a concentrated effort to breathe normally and he swallowed. He wanted to be with Harry this way. He wanted to be able to give himself to Harry like this, but Harry... well, he was so like his father in a lot of ways and Niall's mind was making some very uncomfortable associations. "Umm... Maybe... Maybe tonight's not the best for this..." he said, a little sheepishly, feeling shame and humiliation choke him at his core.

 

Harry understood that. He nodded and kissed Niall's forehead. He moved to lie down beside of him and pulled the covers over them. "Ok," he said and kissed Niall's nose. "Do you want to talk about it?"

 

"No..." But immediately he felt stupid for asking meaningful conversations of Harry, then abruptly refusing to follow his own set of guidelines for their relationship. He fortified himself and rolled on his side to face him. He stared at his beautiful sea green eyes and they were the last things he saw before he closed his own. "I, um... No one ever hurts me," he said quietly. "Not like-- You know, not like that... But it's... I don't know if you've ever had sex with someone you can tell has no respect for you? At all?" He was lifting his sentences to make his story less dour. It was artificial. "But it... It does something. When someone fucks you and you can feel them ... dehumanizing you. They don't hurt you physically, but they're, y'know, they're in there. In that deep, deep part of you and they're... ruining it. It's like pissing on a grave or something. Worse. I don't know. It's just worse, somehow. That's all..."

 

Harry was upset that Niall had to go through that, and he was more upset that he wasn't allowed to help. He stroked down Niall's side softly, comfortingly. "I can't imagine what it must be like," he said softly. He had never been good at this talking and comforting thing, but he was trying his damn best. "I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help." There was, but Niall wouldn't let him. He hugged Niall tightly. "You don't deserve to go through that."

 

"It's ok," Niall said, his voice light despite the tears that were threatening to fall. "I just... I felt I owed you an explanation..." And it felt good. It felt good to say to him what he hadn't ever allowed himself to say to Zayn or anyone else. He pressed his face into Harry's shoulder and dreaded the day when the truth of his circumstances came to light. "I didn't mean to spook you... I'm sorry."

 

"You didn't. I'm glad you trusted me with this. It wasn't easy for you," Harry said and stroked down Niall's back in soothing circles. "You're doing it for your sister, Niall. I don't think many people would."

 

"I can't believe I met you," Niall said, basically hiding his face in Harry's armpit. "Of all the people in Jersey, I met... I met you." When he said 'met' it was very clear that what he meant was 'got intimate with' or 'trusted'. "You're the only person I've had sex with that wasn't for money," he blurted. "Except that one time with Louis and... And that almost time with Zayn."

 

Harry smiled. "I can't believe I met you, either. But the universe works in funny ways. I actually think that everything happens for a reason." He wasn't religious, but he believed there was a reason that he and Niall crossed paths. They were as different as different could get and yet here they were. "I'm happy I did though."

 

Niall looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. "You think everything happens for a reason?"

 

Harry hummed. "Yeah. I believe you meet the people you're meant to meet and they'll all leave their mark on you, however little, and shape you to the person you're meant to be."

 

Niall wove his arms around Harry's neck and pulled him close. "So... Even when things are... terrible and ... awkward and weird... They're meant to be?"

 

Harry nuzzled Niall. "Yes," he said. "You learn something from everything that happens around you."

 

Niall wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him immediately, beg for his forgiveness, make plans, do something to make this right before everything came crashing down around them, but he simply couldn't bring himself to do it; not while Amy's life was still in the balance. "That's... That's a good perspective," he said, hoping Harry could keep it.

 

Harry smiled and kissed Niall sweetly. "So, what would you like to do? We can watch a movie and drink some wine."

 

"I like lying here with you," Niall said, leaning in and kissing Harry softly. "I like looking at your pretty eyes and feeling your cock against my thigh."

 

Harry chuckled softly. “Ok, princess. We’ll stay here.”

 

Niall kissed him meaningfully, then, even making a hungry coo like he needed more. "Zoo after school tomorrow," he said into his mouth. "I -- I told my sister about you..." Apparently, Niall was tuned to spill his guts this evening.

 

Harry kissed him back, trying not to get too hot again. "Yeah? What did you say?" he asked curiously.

 

"The truth," Niall sighed. "You know the lies I told her… I told her I work at the zoo, that Zayn and I were getting married, that I have a house, that I have a scholarship to be a zoologist, blah, blah, made up stuff... A few days ago, I told her everything -- not the.. y'know, whoring, but everything else. You. I told her about you."

 

Harry stroked his fingers through Niall's hair. "Do I get to meet her?"

 

Niall nodded. "Yes. She wants to meet you, now. You're going to take her to the zoo and splash some of that cash on her."

 

Harry grinned, pleased. "Oh trust me, I will. She'll get anything she points at."

 

"Careful. She'll point at tigers," Niall smiled.

 

"And I'll give her a tiger." Harry cuddled Niall close to him. "I can't wait to meet her."

 

Niall looked at Harry for a few seconds, really stared at him, then just pounced, kissing him and kissing him and kissing him until he couldn't even feel his lips.

 

Harry gasped softly, surprised, but wasn't long about kissing Niall back for all he was worth. Once they parted, panting light for air, he cupped Niall's face and looked into his eyes adoringly. "I love you." It escaped him before he could stop it.

 

Niall didn't hide from it -- he basked in it, his smile broad and bright. "I still don't know why."

 

"Makes two of us," Harry said, smiling and nuzzling Niall.

 

Niall laughed and cuddled him dearly, before falling into kissing him again and again and again.

 

~*~

 

Niall woke and looked at the clock. "Hey..." He shook the boy who was cocooned tightly against him. "Baby, you have to wake up or you'll be late for school.”

 

Harry awoke slowly, eyelids fluttering sleepily. "Hmm?" He blinked and checked his watch. At seeing the time, he was instantly awake. "Oh fuck! I have a meeting!" He kissed Niall quickly before jumping off the bed and into the bathroom to take a speed shower.

 

Niall smiled. He couldn't believe that less than 24 hours ago he was convinced he needed to break it off with this boy. But this was his first relationship, too, and was unused to bumps. He thought every relationship should be as smooth and seamless as his friendship with Zayn --- before the catastrophe. The thought of his best friend was his own kind of jump start and he launched from the bed and ran downstairs to his phone. He dialed Zayn without checking anything else.

 

Zayn took it on the last ring, voice thick with sleep, "Hey."

 

"Zayn," Niall said, "I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you last night. Are you alright?"

 

Zayn rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and why was he lying on this uncomfortable wooden floor? He looked around at the tiny living room with sparse, second-hand furniture, disorientated, until it hit him that he'd stayed over at some random customer's little shoe-box of an apartment in exchange for a little weed. Seemed like he'd fallen off the couch he'd been sleeping on without noticing. "Um, yeah," he said and sat up. "Are you?"

 

"Yeah, I'm fine..." Awkward. "How was Vermont?"

 

It'd been great. Fucking perfect until Louis came to shatter everything and bring him back to the cold reality. "It was nice," Zayn muttered and scratched the stubble on his jaw. "I dropped by the greenhouse. I'm impressed everything is still standing." 

 

"What are you talking about, that place is amazing. You going to school today?"

 

Zayn thought for it for a second. "Nah," he said and yawned, stretching. "No point anymore."

 

"Um... You wanna... maybe go to the greenhouse with me? I'm just gonna say bye to Harry and take a shower and I can head over."

 

Zayn paused mid-stretch. "Oh...you worked things out with him?" He couldn't really understand why Niall would be with someone that cheated on him.

 

Niall sighed. "Yeah... It's... Yeah, I know. We're trying to work on it, I guess." It sounded like something parents would say.

 

"Okay," Zayn said slowly. He wasn't approving, but he didn't want to butt into Niall's business. "I have to go get some breakfast first. I'll meet you in the greenhouse."

 

"Alright. Cool," Niall said and hung up. Something was very off, but he had time to investigate later. He went back up the stairs and heard Harry getting out of the shower. He slipped into the bathroom without knocking and saw him fussing hurriedly at the counter. "You look gorgeous," Niall said, kissing his shoulder blade, wishing they could have spent all day in bed.

 

Harry shot him a smile in the reflection as he rubbed the towel into his hair, nearly hard enough to make a fire. "You too, love," he said and kissed Niall's nose before he went into the bedroom and rummaged for the school uniform he kept at Louis’. "Don't you have school today?" He asked as he struggled a bit with his tie in front of the mirror.

 

"No. Just going to work with Zayn... I haven't officially dropped out yet, but I think I will soon... I don't know if it matters, there's just a few months left anyway."

 

Harry turned to look at Niall, not happy about Niall working with Zayn or Niall dropping out of school. "I don't want you to get mad when I say this," he said and smoothed out his tie and reached for his uniform sweater. "...but this whole weed business isn't going to last forever. What are your plans then?"

 

"Harry, can I worry about that then, instead of when I'm just starting out on it?"

 

Harry grabbed his jacket and scarf, sighing. "You should still think about it," he said. "It could end any moment. We both know that. Anyway, I have to run." He kissed Niall. "Enjoy your day. I have a long, tedious day so send me a dick pic to get through!" He flashed Niall a cheeky grin before he disappeared out of the door.

 

Niall smiled, watching him go. He was awfully fond of that boy. He took a shower, grabbed a bite to eat, then bussed his way over to the greenhouse, which did look awfully good.

 

~*~

 

Zayn arrived a little later, freezing in his thin jacket. He looked at Niall and gave a half-smile, "Hey. You look a lot better than when I left you."

 

Niall nodded. "We talked it out. He's a handful, but... I really care about him, you know?" He gave Zayn a half smile. "How are you? I mean... You called me twice last night..."

 

Zayn gave a half-shrug and looked away. He'd been so cut up about Liam last night and felt so terribly alone. He wasn't feeling much better this morning, but definitely not like he'd break down any second. "Yeah. Just wanted to talk to you," he said. "And see how you were doing and stuff..." he trailed off awkwardly.

 

Niall wasn't fooled by that. "How'd it go with Liam?" he asked more bluntly.

 

Zayn looked back at Niall for a fleeting moment. "Cool. He's like an outdoor freak and y'know. I'm a city person; could barely keep up with him. It was nice though. Y'know, Vermont and everything. A nice change..." he trailed off again when he realized he was blabbering. "Hey, do you wanna do something fun?"

 

"Like what?"

 

"I don't know. We could dye our hair a crazy color or we could get a tattoo or something." Anything that would make him feel alive. Anything that would make him feel like he wasn't merely existing.

 

Niall could see it -- he could see all the pain his friend was in. "Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, let's do that -- let's go get tattoos."

 

Zayn's face lit up a little. "Cool. I know this place that won’t ask questions. C'mon."

 

Niall followed him to his car, which he was grateful to see he still had. "What are we going to get?" He still wanted the tattoo they'd talked about so long ago, but it felt inappropriate to push for it now.

 

Zayn felt the same way. "I want to get that Zap! tattoo I've been talking about for ages," he said as he started the car. "And now, no one can tell me I can't." Because no one would care, because his parents hadn't called him yet and he was beginning to believe they never would. His smile and light tone were artificial.

 

Niall smiled at him. "Then what should I get?"

 

Zayn was thoughtful for a few moments before he remembered something. "Remember that four leaf Irish clover I drew once and that you said you'd like tattooed on you to honor your ancestry? Well, you can still get that. Simple and cool."

 

Of course Niall remembered it. "With or without the crescent moon?" he asked.

 

Zayn stopped at a red light and looked at Niall. "That's up to you, babe."

 

Niall looked at Zayn's arm and took a deep breath. He loved Zayn, he would always love Zayn -- and that was the problem. "Probably shouldn't," he said softly. "Wouldn't want to make things confusing for anyone." For everyone, really.

 

"Yeah," Zayn understood. "So just the four leaf clover. Who knows, maybe one day you can add the crescent moon," he said with a soft smile. He was obviously hoping that they could get close again so he'd have a reason for staying and not just taking off.

 

"Yeah," Niall said replied, his voice a soft, wistful whisper. "Yeah," he said again.

 

Then he dove in the back seat where Zayn kept his stuff and pulled out his notebook to find the sketch.

 

Zayn glanced over at Niall flipping through the pages of his notebook and then returned his eyes on the road. When he remembered the drawings of Liam filling the last pages, he nearly ran the car off the road. "Wait-let me find it!"

 

It was too late. Niall saw them: They were beautiful and without a doubt, they were of Liam. "Oh, wow," he chirped, both impressed and pained.

 

Zayn tore the notebook out of Niall's hands, feeling the burn crawling from his neck all the way up to his ears. "Um. It's nothing."

 

"They were really good," Niall said softly. "I mean, like.. You're really talented. You draw those in Vermont?"

 

"Um yeah..." Some of them, he'd drawn when he was bored in class and he was embarrassed. He felt like a little girl with a crush.

 

"You... You guys spend a lot of time naked together?"

 

Zayn didn't want to ruin this fragile thing they were trying to build up again. And he didn't want to talk about Liam. "No. No. Can we...can we talk about something else?"

 

"Why?" Niall said, staring at his jeans. "It might be helpful, if we talk." Maybe he was on an honesty kick after last night with Harry went so well, and this was stuff Niall felt was choking them.

 

"Because we are almost at the tattoo shop, so let's talk about tattoos. Where would you like to get yours?"

 

Niall heaved a heavy sigh and was quiet for a long time. "Fine. We'll talk about tattoos," he said when he spoke again. "But this is you pushing me away, Zayn. Just so you know." He rolled back in his seat and folded his hands. "Maybe my ribs. On the left."

 

Zayn wanted to talk to someone about this and there was no one he trusted more than Niall, but at the same time there was no one it'd hurt more than it would Niall. It was a bit of a dilemma. "That's cool," Zayn said. "It'll hurt like a bitch, though."

 

"I can do pain," Niall shrugged. They parked in front of the tiny store, but Niall didn't get out of the car. He sat heavily in his seat and said, "I think I'm falling in love with Harry. I mean, I don't know. But I think it's possible."

 

Zayn froze. He stared in front of him for a few minutes, shocked. "Oh," he said, blinking. He turned to look at Niall. "What?" Harry wasn't even supposed to be someone Niall could stand to be in the same room with, and now he was in love with him? Somewhere inside of him, Zayn knew he'd ought to be happy that Niall had found love, which came with the possibility of saving their friendship, but he couldn't help but feel like he was so easy to replace -- for both Niall and Liam.

 

"What?" Niall looked up at him, confused by Zayn's confusion. "I thought you'd be happy."

 

Zayn opened his mouth and closed it again when he realized that he wasn't happy and afraid that it might be for entirely selfish reasons. "No...I'm just surprised," Zayn said, swallowing.

 

Niall nodded. "Yeah. I am, too. He can be really sweet." He looked over at Zayn, fear in his eyes at what he was about to say. "If I get over you, we could.. y'know, maybe be like before." He tried to smile, but it was flimsy.

 

Zayn's couldn't imagine Harry Style sweet. It made him gag. Louis Tomlinson made him gag. This whole fucking town made him sick. He wished he had the courage or the last push to just start over somewhere far away. He turned to look at Niall. "Yeah...maybe."

 

"You look... You look mad," Niall said, worry coming over him. "I didn't tell you to make you mad, I thought..." He dropped his head. He thought it would bring them closer, but he seemed to have made a mistake.

 

"No, no, I'm not mad at you...it's just things haven't really been great lately...I don't think I've ever been this unhappy," he said, unable to keep it in any longer. He closed his eyes for a moment and felt the darkness inside of him, threatening to swallow him whole. "I'm considering leaving."

 

That struck Niall like a shot to the heart. He took a few deep, pointed breaths to calm himself and instinctively reached out and took hold of Zayn's hand. "You..." He stopped and gathered himself. He didn't want to fuck this up. He took several more breaths, reminding himself he had all the time in the world. "I don't think anyone has... has been more important... more meaningful... more wonderful to me in my whole life than you have been to me," he said slowly. "For a long time, you sort of... You were the foundation of my life, you know? You were more than the family I didn't have. And I suppose all of that is why I fell in love with you, but that's not the point. So, hold on... I'm getting to it..." A few more breaths, a little shakier, now. "Um. So. I know our relationship's different, now. I know it won't ever be what it was, but... You will always be... You will always... Always be the person who... who kept me alive, basically. And, honestly, the thought of you leaving, I just... I just..." He sniffed and gathered himself, but honestly, this was shredding his guts. "I mean, don't go, is what I want to say." He put his hand over his face. "I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy, I just..." He was losing his way, the fear was making him lose himself a little. "Oh, fuck. You mean a lot to me. That's all I can say right now. Even with everything sort of screwy between us, I -- you're still the most important person in the world to me. You are. And I want you to be happy. No matter what, I want you to be happy." He pushed the sleeve of his hoodie into his eyes to keep from crying. "Shit. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm all sentimental and shit."

 

Zayn had tears in his eyes, making them glimmer like the surface of a dark sea. "It's just so hard right now," he said softly. "I don't feel like I have anything to stay for anymore. My family was everything to me and now I don't even have them anymore. The thought of never being allowed to see them again is tearing me into pieces. And I don't really have you anymore and I don't have Liam. And I'm sleeping at some loser's and school is going down the drain with the rest of my shitty life. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing with my life.  I'm....I'm giving up...I can't be here anymore...I need a change. I love you, Niall, I care so much about you, but I just...I just feel like it's time I let go of what used to be and never will be again."

 

Niall let go of his hand and slumped in his seat, pulling his hoodie down low over his face. Then he reached out and squeezed Zayn's hand again. "But you don't have anywhere to go, man. There are people here that care about you, that want to help. You don't have to push us all away. I want to help. I know Liam still cares about you a lot, even if he is with Louis. Fuck, Louis cares, man!" He sniffed deep. "I just... Don’t feel like leaving is your only option, is what I’m saying. There’s still hope, here."

 

Hope wasn't in Zayn's dictionary anymore. He sniffed and blinked several times, stubbornly pulling the tears back. "I'm not happy here." He didn't feel like he'd be happy here ever. "I won't leave you high and dry. I'll teach you everything I know about marijuana growing."

 

Niall leaned over, pulling Zayn close and leaning on his shoulder. "What happened? What happened with Liam?"

 

Zayn sighed harshly and pressed his nose into his hair. "He's back with Louis and I can't stand it," he said quietly. It was killing him.

 

"You're in love with him?" Niall asked, knowing the answer, but needing to hear it.

 

Zayn almost said that he wished it was Niall, because he did, but that seemed almost cruel. "Unfortunately." He swallowed. "I understand everything you did a lot better now. I'm so sorry."

 

Niall felt his chest contract, but the pains weren't as acute as they were before. He tried to grip Zayn's hoodie with his broken hand. "Having your heart broken makes you grow up fast," Niall said softly, nuzzling his shoulder. He was no less confused about Zayn's feelings for him than he was before, but he knew there was no way that would ever be clear for him. "If you need to go, I’ll let you go, Zayn… But do you think, maybe, you could see a way to stay until Amy dies?”

 

Zayn's chest tightened at that. "Of course," he said and hugged Niall tightly against him, wishing that things were different, that things were better but wishing wouldn't get him anywhere, he'd have to take the situation in his own hands. "Maybe you could come with me then." He said it lightly, like a joke, even though he knew that the only person he would ever want with him was Niall. Not even Liam. As much as his heart yearned for that boy, he knew that Liam and Louis were probably going to be those high school sweethearts that got married and adopted hundreds of kids together, and lived happily ever after.

 

Niall looked up at him, then ducked his head. "I'd follow you anywhere," he said sincerely.

 

That made Zayn hold him tighter and made him wish even harder that they hadn't screwed it up, and it'd be him and Niall against the world; like it'd always been since the playgrounds; how it was always supposed to be. He smiled sadly and kissed the top of Niall's head.

 

Niall squeezed him for a long time and felt how right it was -- how right and good it was to have his friend in his arms again. Unfortunately, it also reminded him who he was truly in love with. And yet, even that felt different. It was still there, but it was balanced, it had context, it was informed. "Zayn, let's get some tattoos," he said, reasonably. "Then let's go to the greenhouse and work our butts off. Everyone's going to need more supply after they smoked everything over vacation. I can tell Harry to have everyone meet us by the skate park after school and we can make some bank tonight. How does that sound?"

 

Zayn pulled back to give Niall a grin. "Sounds like a plan." For the next few weeks, he'd have to work his butt off and sell as much as he could so he could save money he could survive on once he left. He could already feel himself getting comfortable with the idea.

 

Niall took a deep breath and sighed it out shakily. Losing Zayn was a hardship he wasn’t certain he could bear, and yet, he knew he had no right to demand the boy remain in unsustainable circumstances. He was pale and he felt weak as he got out of the car. He took Zayn's sketch pad and tore out the sketch of the clover and the crescent -- that was what he wanted to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	30. Chapter 30

 

As they walked into the shop, Zayn decided that he wanted the clover and the crescent tattooed on him as well. That clover and crescent that represented their friendship, because even though it was a bit battered around the edges, he still wanted the indelible reminder of true friendship. Zayn showed the tattoo artist the drawing and informed her they both wanted the same thing.

 

Niall took off his shirt and looked at his ribs in the mirror. "Here?" he asked, pointing right under his pec. "Or to the side?"

 

Zayn looked at Niall's naked chest and reached, touching the area under his pec with light fingertips. "Right there."

 

Niall looked down at Zayn's hand. Nope; he was definitely not over him. "Um... Where are you going to get yours?"

 

Zayn took Niall'a hand and guided it under his touch, flattening his palm right above his hipbone. "Here."

 

"It'll be pretty there," Niall said, wondering if Zayn had the slightest idea what he was doing to him. He risked a glance at him under cover of his eyelashes.

 

Zyan met his gaze steadily, locked it with his own, and as he looked into Niall's eyes, he wondered if the boy would really leave with him if he asked; if he'd leave his rich friend and the boyfriend he was slowly falling in love with. The tattoo artist cleared her throat to get their attention and Zayn let go of Niall's hand, looking up.

 

Niall didn't look up. He didn't know what had just happened, and it scared him. "Um, I can go first," Niall told the middle aged woman with ink on every corner of her body. "Can you make it sort of brownish, like a birthmark?"

 

The woman nodded and instructed Niall to lie down and Zayn took a seat on the chair by his head. "Why do you want it like that?" he asked, curious

 

"I'm a pasty Irish kid," Niall grinned. "Anything too unnatural will be, y'know, shocking. I kind of want it to blend in. Not distract too much from my nipples." He winked cheekily.

 

That of course made Zayn glance at Niall's nipples. He thought he wouldn't mind sucking on them and the minute he thought that, he looked away, face heating up a bit. "Make it black," he said. "It'll make a nice contrast against your pretty skin."

 

"Pretty?" Niall snorted. He shook his head. "No way, I want it to look natural -- like it's part of me."

 

Zayn smiled softly. "Ok. It's gonna be on your forever, so do it the way you like it."

 

Niall smiled at him and just gazed at him with unintentionally obvious adoration while the tattoo artist prepared him for the needle. Only when she dragged the pen across him the first time did he jerk and look away with a yelp.

 

Zayn took Niall's hand almost instinctively, squeezing. "Hang in there," he said, smiling and watching the tattoo artist work.

 

Niall got used to the pain quickly, but he didn't let go of Zayn's hand. He gripped him tightly for the entirety of his inking.

 

"Looks sick," Zayn said as he watched the woman put the last finishing touches on it.

 

"I'm not looking ‘til she's done," Niall said, beaming at Zayn as if he was waiting to see their child or something.

 

Zayn grinned back at him. In a matter of minutes, the artist was finished and patching up her work. "Take a look, babe," Zayn said, hoping Niall loved it.

 

Niall sat up and went to the mirror. She had done a wonderful job. "Oh, wow... Zayn, look... That's incredible!"

 

"The swelling will go down in a few days," the woman told him. "You'll have to keep it bandaged for a little bit and don't expose it to the sun."

 

"Ok," Niall nodded, beaming over at Zayn as he received further instructions.

 

Zayn gave him twin thumbs up, grinning sunnily at him. "It's beautiful." He shed off his shirt and shimmied down his pants as the woman began to prepare for his turn. "Traditional black," he told her as he lay down.

 

Niall sat on the side of the bed and tried not to get hypnotized by the sight of Zayn's hips. He failed.

 

"You're staring," Zayn said, teasing.

 

"It's a rather unusual couple tattoo," the woman said and Zayn's gaze snapped to her. "What?"

 

"Well, most couple mostly get hearts or those cheesy quotes or puzzle pie-"

 

“We are not a couple," Zayn interrupted.

 

Niall was embarrassed by Zayn's vehement denial, but he fortified himself, moving off the artist's table and sitting in a chair by the door. "Just best friends," he said and managed to smile.

 

"Oh," the woman said and looked genuinely surprised. "Could've fooled me."

 

Zayn turned to look at Niall, knowing that he'd hurt him and he sighed softly. "Yeah...he's got a boyfriend already."

 

Niall was a little startled by Zayn revealing that and in his awkwardness, he blurted, "Not that that would make a difference either way, I mean, we... We're just... friends."

 

The woman gave them a look like she really regretted bringing it up, and Zayn was grateful when she went back to minding her own damn business. He winced when she began on the tattoo, biting the inside of his cheek and wishing that Niall would hold his hand.

 

Niall was in his own little world for a few minutes. When he glanced up and saw Zayn trying to hide his grimaces, he rose and went to the table. "Hurts, huh?"

 

"Yeah, sensitive area," Zayn said and let out a choked, wheezy breath.

 

That made Niall smile. "Breathe, big man," he said, taking Zayn's hand and giving it a supportive squeeze.

 

Zayn looked up at Niall with a few tears of pain clinging to his eyelashes. He smirked. "You're holding my hand. I'm alright now."

 

"Sap," Niall smirked at him, marveling at how tightly they had come back together. He knew it was still tentative, that they could still end up chewing on each other at the end of the day, but he was grateful that they had this.

 

Zayn held onto Niall's hand till his tattoo was finished and patched up. He let go then and reached for his shirt, pulling it over his head. "Do you want to go to Caramel Café? We haven't been there in ages and I miss their strawberry cheesecake."

 

Niall smiled. "Yeah, sure." He paid the woman, even tipped her well, before they slipped back into the car. "Ok, we can Caramel Cafe, but then we have to go to the greenhouse and get to work, alright?"

 

"Gotcha. We have to start selling like mad," Zayn said as he drove down to the cozy little café. "We both need the money badly."

 

"Yeah, we do," Niall said. "You know, if you need anything -- anything, just ask me, ok? I mean, Zayn, you've taken care of me for so long... I'd love a chance to return the favor."

 

Zayn glanced at Niall and nodded with a smile. "Ok. And you too, alright? I'm always ready to help or just listen or if you just need someone to be there."

 

"Thanks," Niall said softly. When they pulled up to the cafe, Niall felt twelve years old again. They sat in the booth they always took and Niall let the memories wash over him. "You remember that one time when Jim Kerns tried to pick a fight with us in here?"

 

"How could I forget?" Zayn said with a grin as he thought back to the good, old times. "I emptied my whole French latte on top of him."

 

Niall smirked. "He thought he was going to get all the kids to back him... He didn't know he was on our turf." It was embarrassing to refer to the Caramel Cafe as 'turf' but to them, it had been. "We played a lot of Pokemon in here."

 

Zayn settled back in the comfortable seat and smiled as all the memories came rushing back. "Yeah. You remember we tricked that one kid to give us his Gold Star card and he ran home, crying and we got into trouble with our parents?"

 

Niall laughed. "Oh my god, we were dicks... We totally deserved that. I remember thinking 'oh, shit, I didn't think that would work!'"

 

"We were assholes that only cared about each other," Zayn said, laughing. "Or when we just turned thirteen and were so excited because we were teenagers? So we decided to celebrate it by shop-lifting a pair of cheap sunglasses we could have afforded? And that just led into a string of more ship-lifting till we were almost caught."

 

"That was fun," Niall smiled. He leaned over and whispered to Zayn, "I think all the dishes in my mom's house are from here." He really liked the daisy designs on the plates.

 

Zayn laughed. "Fuck, Niall." He grinned and leaned in close, pinching Niall's nose between his fingers. "You're such a bad boy, aren't you?"

 

Niall wrinkled his nose at him happily. "You remember when we wanted hot chocolate one night, but they were closing up and so I pretended I broke my foot so they would let us in and take care of us? We were, like, eight or something? Man, you started taking care of me so well, I wasn't sure whether you remembered I was faking or not..."

 

Zayn grinned. "Well, you were such a good actor, I wasn’t certain that you weren’t really hurt!" He smiled, this trip down memory lane was making him terribly nostalgic and also reminding him that no one in the world would understand him and know him as well as Niall did. "Do you remember after your disaster of a fifteenth birthday that we went to that high point just outside town and stared up at the stars and promised each other we'd always be friends?" Zayn smiled and held up a pinkie. "We even pinkie-promised."

 

Niall did remember that night. He remembered it too well. "Yeah... Yeah, I remember that night like it was yesterday." He hesitated. "That was probably when I acknowledged to myself I was in love with you."

 

Zayn didn't know what he could say to that, but he didn't look away. "Does Harry make you happy?"

 

Niall's eyes dropped. "I think he can. He might."

 

Zayn nodded and touched Niall's cheek for a fleeting moment before he removed it. "You more than anyone else deserve to be happy."

 

Niall looked down at his hands. "No. I'm not special. Besides, it's not like life hands out prizes or cares at all about what's fair."

 

"Yeah, you're right but…you're special to me, you've been since you stood up for me on that playground and you'll always be."

 

'Don't ask', Niall reminded himself. 'Look to a future with Harry and let this go'. "I know. You're special to me, too..." That didn't sound right. "Not like -- I mean, in the same way that..." Frustrated, he dropped his hands on the table. "No, I mean, you are special to me. You're special to me because you're my best friend and you're my first love. There, I said that, too, I'm sick of... I don't want to pussyfoot around it anymore. I won't harp on it, I promise, I just... I don't want to pretend like it isn't real."

 

Zayn took Niall's hand even though he knew that it might not be the best move and stroked his knuckles softly. "And you don't have to pretend it isn't there," Zayn said softly. "I don't know why I never noticed it. Probably because I never thought you'd see me that way." He took a deep breath. "If I could choose...I'd choose you in a heartbeat."

 

Niall took his hand away gently. "Yeah, I know." He stared into his coffee. Now he knew that Zayn liked big, broad, manly men like Liam with unpredictable tempers. "I am an awesome power top, though," he grinned. "Just ask Harry."

 

Zayn smiled. "I would never have thought," he said. "I'd always thought you'd like being taken care of. But obviously, I was wrong." He'd thought that he would never bottom for anyone, but apparently, he liked getting it hard from another man.

 

"Harry's my baby," Niall said, his features softening. "He needs a good hard fucking to keep him in line, otherwise he gets super cranky." He thought about it a bit. "Yeah, Harry's my baby."

 

Zayn was neither comfortable nor happy with talking about Harry like this. At all. But he didn't say anything, because obviously Niall liked it and just smiled a bit and took a sip of his hot drink.

 

Niall saw his friends face and read the signs well. "Sorry... I shouldn't... I shouldn't talk about it..." Not when Zayn was probably still smarting from his loss.

 

Zayn smiled half-heartedly. He'd known all along that their little trip to Vermont would only last four days and Liam would get back together with Louis; still a part of him had been foolish enough to hope. He sighed softly and took a bite of cake. "You get all soft-eyed when you talk about him."

 

Niall shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. "He's sweet. He's good to me -- sometimes. He drives me up the fucking wall, others... We don't-- It's not easy. It's not easy like we're easy. I'm still not used to that."

 

"I can imagine. Relationships aren't easy. I'm a bit worried that he isn't right for you. He did cheat on you and I hate to bring it up, but the thing with his father, I can only assume he doesn't know about that?

 

Niall's cheeks went pale and his face was drawn. He suddenly looked ten years older. "No, he doesn't know. It'll fall apart when he does."

 

Zayn had expected as much and he looked at Niall with eyes soft with sympathy. "Maybe it won't," he said, even though he couldn't imagine it going any other way. He sighed. "I'm really sorry."

 

Niall swallowed. "Will you be there for me, if you can?"

 

Zayn looked down and took a deep breath. "Niall..." he sighed and chewed on his bottom lip, trying to find the right words. He looked back at him. "Let's say he doesn't find out before Amy, y'know...would you come with me if I asked you to?"

 

Niall inhaled sharply, gathered himself and said, "We don't have to think about those things now, Zayn. So much can happen between now and then. Shit, maybe Louis and Liam will break up and you and Liam will be a pair. Maybe Harry will just get bored with me. Fuck, maybe we'll both get arrested. Let's not torture ourselves with 'what ifs', if we don't have to -- ok?" Niall gave him hopeful eyebrows.

 

Zayn hated to say it, but he had to. "We both know there isn't much time left," he said softly. He'd be there for Niall when Amy passed away, it's the least he could do, but after that, he wasn't going to stay in this shithole for a minute longer.

 

"Don't say that," Niall bit out.

 

Zayn winced and looked down. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I won't ask you again."

 

Niall rubbed his forehead. "C'mon," he said, rising. "Let's go work on those plants, yeah?"

 

Zayn nodded and got to his feet as well. "Yeah."

 

~*~

 

Liam woke up around 3 pm. He and Louis had spent all night and most of the day making love, playing with each other, giggling in bed, showering, then falling back to lovemaking again. Louis was still asleep beside him and Liam thought it a perfect opportunity to make sure Zayn was alright. He slipped on his pants and went into the living room to make the call.

 

Zayn was in the greenhouse, working when his phone began to ring. He looked at it for a few seconds, compelled to ignore it, but he knew it wouldn't be fair. He sighed. "Be right back," he told Niall and went outside to take it. "Hey."

 

"Hey," Liam said warmly. "Glad I caught you. How are you? What are you up to?"

 

Zayn understood now why Niall had alienated him. Hearing Liam's voice was enough to make him want to punch a wall repeatedly until his knuckles bled. "I'm good. Working in the greenhouse." He didn't want to ask Liam what he'd been up to; he knew already. He lit a cigarette.

 

"Yeah? Cool. Hey, I don't know if you're busy, but maybe you want to hang out tonight?"

 

Fuck no. "Sorry. I'll be busy selling tonight. Maybe another time."

 

"Tomorrow, maybe?" The tension in Liam's voice was clear. He was scrambling, desperate to keep this friendship in one piece.

 

Zayn rubbed his face and took a deep drag of the cigarette. "Look Liam," he said slowly. "I don't think we can be friends anymore." That came out harsher than he had intended.

 

"Wh-- why?" He sounded like a lost child.

 

Zayn was silent for several moments. He guessed it was easier to say it over the phone. "Because....it hurts looking at you and knowing that your heart belongs to someone else." Zayn shrank. There it was. Out in the open. Hopefully it'd scare Liam far away.

 

Then it was Liam's turn to be quiet. He eventually filled it with some stuttering, "I, ah... Um... I... Haaaa... Oh, Zayn." He sat on the sofa and put his head in his hands. "Oh, Zayn... I didn't... I didn't know. I swear, I didn't know. I never should've... Oh, Zayn..." Liam was taking this very hard. It all came back to him, how Zayn must have felt when Liam told them they couldn't be friends, when he came back, when he came on so strong, when he took Zayn so passionately for three days straight, then suddenly dumped him. "Oh, God, Zayn, I'm so sorry..."

 

Zayn felt like a brick wall was pressing down his chest. He smiled. "Yeah, for someone so smart, you can be incredibly blind sometimes, Liam." He sighed. "I'm sorry too. And don't beat yourself up. I knew what I was doing. Just...take care of yourself okay?" Zayn couldn't stop the constriction in his voice. "Do good and follow your dreams. I believe you can become a president. I can't wait to give you my vote."

 

"Damnit, Zayn, please don't talk like we'll never see each other again. Please don't do that..."

 

Zayn closed his eyes. "I'm only doing what I have to do. I wish it was different and that I could be happy being your friend, but I'm not. I'm sorry."

 

"Was it... Was it this whole time?" Liam asked, his grip on his own skull getting rather intense.

 

Zayn sniffled and tried to get a grip on himself. "I don't know. It just snuck up on me. It just...happened. It wasn't supposed to."

 

"Oh, God, Zayn..." Liam couldn't stand it. He got up and charged into the back yard, flinging the door open and marching around with purpose. "Tell me... Just tell me you're alright, yeah? You have a safe place to stay, you – Are you friends with Niall again? You have somebody to take care of you?"

 

"Don't worry about me, Liam, I'll be alright. And just...I need you to know that you didn't do anything wrong."

 

"It doesn't feel that way," Liam said, knocking over a terra cotta pot his mother no doubt was intending to use. "It really, really doesn't feel that way, Zayn. I should've... Dammit! I should've known better!"

 

Zayn sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What has happened has happened and none of us can change that now."

 

"I’m so sorry... I'm so sorry," Liam burbled, thinking he might pull his hair out.

 

"It's ok, Liam. Really. I'm not mad at you or anything. I just need some space from you." A lot of space.

 

"Yeah," Liam said, breathing hard. "Yeah. I understand. I understand." He finally made himself sit down on the porch. He knew this was the last conversation he was going to have with Zayn for some time, so there was no chance he was hanging up first.

 

Neither of them said anything for a while and Zayn was content listening to Liam breathe. Finally he took a deep breath. "Take care of yourself, Liam." He knew this was a possible goodbye and that he might take off without seeing Liam again, the thought sliced his heart open.

 

Liam groaned low, but nodded. "Yeah," he wheezed out. "Yeah, you too, Zayn. I am always, always here, if you need me."

 

"Ok." It was hard hanging up. Zayn wanted to listen to Liam's voice a little longer even though it was hurting him. "Bye."

 

"Bye, Zayn," Liam said sadly, dropping the phone from his ear and hanging up.

 

Zayn clutched the phone to his ear for several minutes after Liam had hung up, feeling empty inside. He snuffled softly and finally let his hand fall. He gathered himself before returning to the greenhouse.

 

~*~

 

Liam was sitting on the bench swing on his back porch, his head in his hands, when Louis found him. His phone was still clutched tightly in his fist and his heels were thumping the wood slats below.

 

Louis stood in the door for several moments, just watching Liam, before he came forward and sat down next to him. "Hey, handsome. Is everything alright?" he asked, gently touching his shoulder.

 

Liam sighed heavily, his feet speeding up. "I... Zayn won't be my friend anymore... He..." Liam shook his head and took a deep breath, sighing heavily to cool himself off.

 

Louis put a hand on Liam's knee to stop him, resting his cheek against Liam's shoulder. "Did he tell you why?" he asked, having a pretty good idea the reason himself.

 

"He can't be my friend knowing my heart's with someone else. That's what he said..." Despite Louis' hand, his knee kept going like he was priming for takeoff.

 

Louis was a bit surprised that Zayn had said that straight-out. He kissed Liam's shoulder softly. "You have to give him time," he said. "It can't be easy on him either." Even though Louis felt some sympathy for Zayn, another part of him couldn't help but be thrilled that he wouldn't be around Liam anymore.

 

"I'm such an idiot," Liam growled, gouging the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I can't believe I didn't -- I mean, I must've known. How could I not have known? God, the way I treated him..."

 

"He's hard to read," Louis said and stroked down Liam's back. "Stop doing this where you think everything is your fault and you beat yourself up, Liam. Even if you knew, I doubt you could have done anything differently."

 

"I wouldn't have slept with him," Liam blurted out.

 

Louis let his hand fall from Liam and tried to keep down the flare of jealousy inside of him. He'd known they'd slept together, he wasn't completely delusional. He took a deep breath. "Well. You've done it and there's nothing you can do to change it now."

 

"He doesn't have anyone, Louis. His parents threw him out. They found him with a guy and they threw him out. I don't know where he's staying; he was supposed to stay with me..." The birds were coming out in the woods behind Liam's house, singing the sun to sleep. "Is he... He and Niall are cool again, right? Is he staying with Niall?"

 

Louis was shocked. He hadn't known that Zayn had been thrown out. Niall hadn't mentioned that. "Yeah...they're definitely on better terms now. But no, Niall has been staying with me for the past few weeks. I don't know where Zayn is staying."

 

Liam groaned at the bad news. "There has to be something -- Something I can do, even if..." He shook his head. "This whole time, I thought he was in love with Niall."

 

Louis sighed. "Wouldn't have made things any easier -- no matter who ended up together, someone would wind up hurt.”

 

"I wouldn't mind if it was Harry getting hurt," Liam said honestly, taking Louis' hand. "I'd bless Zayn and Niall getting together, and I wouldn't give one red hot damn if Harry got hurt."

 

Louis sighed. "I would care, Liam," he said. "And Niall is good for Harry. He brings out the best in him. Well, mostly."

 

"No, he doesn't. He called me that night to sabotage us and you know it. He wants to keep you as his favorite fuck buddy, even after he gets a boyfriend. He's not your friend, Louis."

 

Louis pulled his hand from Liam's hold. "I'm not saying that he's suddenly become some angel. Is he still an asshole? Yes. But does he have feelings? Yes. I believe Niall can make him better and he's good for Niall too. And he's my friend, Liam."

 

"You always were his best PR guy," Liam said, rather unamused. He thought Harry was pure chaos, designed to make people's lives fall apart. "Honestly, if I hadn't just gone through all that with Zayn, I'd tell you I don't want you to be friends with him."

 

Louis didn't want to fight about Harry on their first day back together. He didn't want to talk about Zayn either. "I'm hungry," he said. "Come. Let's cook something together."

 

Liam nodded. He was fine with leaving the heavy stuff for later. He took Louis' hand before he could whisk off and rose, pulling him into a hug. "I love you, you know..."

 

Louis melted in Liam's arms and nuzzled into Liam's neck. "I love you too." He pulled back and kissed Liam. Then he took his hand and pulled him back into the house.

 

It was nice for Liam to be open about Louis. It was nice that he could hold him from behind and nuzzle him as he read the recipe, that he could lean over and kiss him whenever he wanted, even if his mother and father were in the room. He didn't have to pretend they were 'just friends' like he had always done when they were together before. He didn't give Louis sharp looks if he called him a pet name or flirted with him too obviously in front of people. Mr. and Mrs. Payne were clearly very startled by it. They didn't know whether to look or look away when Liam worked Louis into a squirrely froth of giggles by tickling him all over. Mrs. Payne actually made a tiny squawk when she saw them kiss for the first time.

 

~*~

 

Niall was in soil up to his elbows. He had made several pots and was feeling pretty pleased with himself. "Zayn! Zayn, come look!"

 

Zayn shuffled over. "That looks good, babe," he said and tried to sound unaffected and excited, it fell flat.  His smile was pretty but his eyes were clouded with pain.

 

"Oh, no... What... Who was on the phone?"

 

Zayn licked his chapped lips. "Liam," he said quietly.

 

Niall got to his feet and walked right up to him. "What happened?" He was trying to clean off his arms, preparing to wrap him in a hug.

 

"I told him how I felt and that I couldn't be friends with him anymore. Sounds familiar?" he said with a pained, self-ironic smile.

 

The hand that was scrubbing his left arm with a towel slowed and Niall dropped his head a bit. "Yeah," he said, almost reverently. "What did he say?"

 

"He said ok," Zayn said with a half-shrug. "Not that he had much of a choice."

 

"I'm sorry, man," he said sincerely. "I'm so sorry..." Gingerly, Niall came forward and reached out for Zayn, timidly pulling him into a hug. He didn't want it to be misinterpreted.

 

Zayn rested his cheek against Niall's shoulder and let out a deep sigh, wrapping his arms around Niall.  "I want to get drunk," he said, just a little worried that he might be turning into an alcoholic.

 

"Um... Harry texted me, he's going to pick me up in a bit so we can go sell at the park... I mean, we have quite a haul... But after that..." Niall said hopefully, brightly. "After that, we can... Go out? Maybe get a bottle of something, take it back to Harry's...?"

 

Zayn rather not spend any time he didn't have to in Harry's presence. He shook his head. "No. I rather not go to Harry's at all."

 

Niall was afraid of that. He stroked Zayn's back and said, "We need to sell today, Zayn... For both of us."

 

"I know, I know," Zayn said, sighing. "After we sell, we could go to a club. Or a bar. Or a party. Anywhere that has alcohol. Actually maybe we should go to a gay bar, free drinks always taste better."

 

Niall pulled back and smiled at him. "That's the spirit!" He leaned in and kissed Zayn's forehead, unable to resist. "You're so pretty, I'm sure all the boys'll be cueing up to buy for you!"

 

Zayn managed a smile. "Yeah, but I feel a bit uncomfortable when I go alone. You'll come with me, right?" he asked hopefully. If Niall came then he wouldn't be so self-conscious with all those hungry eyes on him.

 

"Yeah, I'll come," Niall laughed softly. He was so close, Zayn in his arms, his breath falling on his cheek and Niall ducked his head and let his hands fall to his hips. "Um... We should probably... make some more baggies."

 

"Thank you," Zayn said sincerely, so grateful that he had Niall right now. He didn't know what he'd do without him. "Yeah. Let's do that."

 

Harry had gathered all the rich kids that were hungry for a new supply of weed in the park, even though he wasn't particularly happy to have found out that Niall had been spending all day with Zayn. He saw Zayn's sorry excuse of a car arrive and he moved forward just as his boyfriend and Zayn emerged. "Hi, love," he said and leaned down, kissing Niall deeply. When he pulled back, he gave Zayn a curt nod. Zayn gave him an unimpressed glance and looked away. Imbecile, Harry thought.

 

Niall was a little stunned from receiving a pre-sex kiss as a hello kiss, but it did warm him up to his toes. "Um," he said softly to Harry as Zayn pulled ahead. "I'm going to go with Zayn to a bar after this -- you can come, too if you like. Just... be nice to him, ok?"

 

"What?" Harry said, incredulous. "You just spent all day with him. I was hoping for some alone time with you tonight."

 

"He got some really rough news, Harry," Niall said seriously. "He has nowhere to go. I'm not leaving him alone."

 

Harry gave his infamous 'who-gives-a-shit' eye roll. "Yeah? I can't go to a fucking bar. I have school tomorrow. Unlike some others."

 

"Then we'll spend tomorrow after school together, Harry. We have a lot of time to be together. I just have to make sure he's ok. Ok?" He stroked Harry's curls away from his face, willing him to see reason and not be difficult, just this once.

 

Harry pursed his lips, displeased. "Last time it was Louis you were making sure was alright. When are you going to put me first?"

 

"He lost his family, his home, and his best friend in less than a week. After tonight, it won't be that big an issue. I promise. Then I'm all yours, ok?"

 

Harry knew there was little he could do to change Niall's mind. He huffed. "Fine," he grumbled and glanced at Zayn who was dealing out his goods.

 

"Hey," Niall reached out and curled his fingers in the hair at the base of Harry's neck and pulled him back. "I'm sorry, ok, baby? I'm sorry I can't devote as much time to you as I'd like right now -- but it's just for right now, I promise." He leaned in and kissed him sweetly, making some of the kids in the park catcall.

 

Zayn looked over and shook his head. He didn't think he was ever going to get used to Niall dating a complete douchebag. Harry rested his forehead against Niall's once his lips were his own and sighed. "It's just...I'm going to be really busy in a few weeks and I'd like to spend as much time with you as possible before that."

 

"Really?" This was the first Niall had heard of it. "What are you doing?"

 

"Well. I'm going to Boston for a week for extra credit and then I'm going to England for a few days to check out the universities and in between that, there'll be a shitload of school work and more extra credit work."

 

"Oh," Niall said, and suddenly felt as if his time with Harry was running out. He pulled Harry a little closer. "Oh. Shit. I thought -- I guess it's not long until the school year's out, huh?"

 

"A few months," Harry said and kissed Niall's temple, sighing. "I was hoping we could spend the summer together on some tropical beach."

 

Niall pulled back to look up at him. "Oh... I would love that," he beamed. "If you have a free week or so..."

 

Harry smiled. "I do have a few weeks, actually," he said and kissed Niall's nose.

 

"Niall! Are you quite done?" Zayn called, impatient.

 

"Yeah, sorry!" he called back. "But come with us for a little bit tonight," he said, and before Harry could protest, he kissed him firmly and muttered against his lips, "Think about it..."

 

Harry looked at Niall and then glanced at Zayn, giving it some thought. He didn't have to think too hard, before he knew that he wasn't going to let Niall go alone to a bar with Zayn. He sighed hard. "Alright then, but only for a couple of hours."

 

Niall beamed at him and took his hand, diving into the mess of kids. He was determined to sell and sell a lot. When Niall wanted to be a charming bastard, he certainly could be and he had these kids eating out of his hands. He made quick work of them, sure to break up the group before someone called the cops. He smiled over at Zayn and while he was looking, one of the girls jokingly slapped him on the ribs -- right on his tattoo. He did a whole body wince of pain.

 

The girl began to apologize profusely, wide-eyed, but Harry pushed her out of the way and touched Niall's shoulder, concerned. "Are you alright?"

 

Zayn who'd seen it, winced as if his own healing tattoo had been slapped. "Shit bro, that must've hurt."

 

"I'm fine," Niall smiled at everyone. "Just... Got a tattoo today, it's a bit tender, is all..."

 

Harry stared at Niall. "A tattoo? What?" Why hadn't he heard about this? Zayn saw Harry's surprised expression and watched, waiting for Niall's response with a poorly hidden smirk.

 

"Yeah, just... here." He pulled up his shirt and exposed his ribs. It was covered by the cotton pad the artist had put on it and he quickly covered it again. "I'll show you later."

 

Harry frowned a bit. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting one?"

 

Zayn had kind of hoped that Niall would've told Harry that they'd gotten one together. He was sure Harry's reaction would've given him life. He sighed, disappointed. "Come on, Niall, let's get out of here."

 

"I didn't know I was going to get it--" When Zayn spoke, he lit up a little and turned to Harry. "Ready? Club? Fun?"

 

"I know a nice club-" Harry began saying but was rudely interrupted by Zayn. "What? He's coming?" Zayn stared at Niall. He'd hoped that it'd be just him and Niall. Harry was killing his buzz.

 

Harry looked at him with that arrogant look that Zayn fantasized wiping off with his fist. "Yeah, I'm coming with my boyfriend. Problem?" Harry was slowly getting suspicious that Zayn just wanted to get Niall drunk and seduce him.

 

Niall rolled his eyes. "Fuck, guys, be nice, alright? You're my boyfriend and my best friend and you two are going to have to find a way to get along with each other."

 

Zayn and Harry stared at each other before they both scoffed. "No way," Zayn said.

 

"I wouldn't want to be seen with him," Harry shot back, snidely.

 

Zayn glared. "You think you're better than me?"

 

Harry smirked, "I don't think so. I know I am."

 

"Stop!" Niall said, his hands fisted in tight balls. "Please just try! For my sake, just try, alright?"

 

Zayn turned away when he felt his fingers twitch. Harry rolled his eyes and turned to Niall. "Anyways. I know this bar-"

 

"I choose where we are going," Zayn cut him off, relishing in his offended expression. "We're going to a night club."

 

"Harry," Niall put a hand on his chest, knowing the boy was about to make a rebuttal. "Just be cool, alright? Be cool. It'll be fun."

 

It was hard not to have the last word, but Harry forced himself to keep his mouth shut. "Just follow me," Zayn said and walked back to his car.

 

"Like I want to be seen anywhere near that trash car," Harry muttered under his breath.

 

"Stop," Niall snapped at him. "Give me a second." He trotted up to Zayn and took his arm. "Hey. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this awkward for you."

 

Zayn sighed. "Yeah. Well, you did. It doesn't matter now, anyways." He was just going to focus on staying as far away from Harry and getting drunk.

 

Niall curled his hand in his hoodie and pulled him back. "He's my boyfriend, Zayn. I don't want to force you to be around him any more than necessary, but he's going to be around. You're both important parts of my life and it would mean a lot to me if you both tried to get along."

 

Zayn shook his head. "I don't like him. He doesn't like me. We aren't going to get along. It's as simple as that.” He shook Niall off him. "And we're so different. I don't even get how you can like someone like him."

 

"That's because you decided to hate him before you even got to know him. Why do you hate him? I mean, he's threatened by you, I get that, but what's your problem?"

 

Zayn scoffed. "Oh. I really don't need a reason to hate him. I just do. And this is the last time that I'm going to tolerate breathing the same air as him. Now…let's go so I can get drunk."

 

"Zayn..." Niall was pained, but he could see his friend was being stubborn. "Thanks," he said a little tartly. "Thanks a lot. We'll see you there."

 

Zayn wasn't going to feel guilty about this. Harry Styles was a bad person, plain and simple. There was no way Zayn was going to join his mile-long list of ass-kissers. He got into the car and drove to the club. It was a gay nightclub he'd wanted to check out for a few days now.

 

In the car behind him, Niall buckled in and said to Harry, "Please, please, please, please be nice to him, Harry. Please."

 

Harry rolled his eyes a bit. "I can't be nice to rude punks,” he said as he followed Zayn's car.

 

"Yes, you can, Harry! I need you to, alright? I just... Harry, sometimes, I get scared that you don't have any compassion. Zayn's life's fallen apart and all I'm asking is that you don't make it worse by picking on him. Just be the bigger man, ok? Please?"

 

"I didn't start back there. He did. I'm not going to sit by and smile when he insults me. Look, I can ignore him. Is that good enough for you?"

 

Niall put his head in his hands. "Yes," he said tersely. "If that's the best you can do, I appreciate it."

 

"You're welcome," Harry said with a smirk.

 

Niall looked quite displeased. He was hoping Louis chose a time sooner rather than later to have 'the talk' with Harry. He couldn't seem to find the words to get through to the boy. When they got to the club, Niall got out of the car quickly, knowing both his friends were going to put him through the ringer tonight.

 

They got in without complications and Zayn was a bit taken aback by how rowdy the club was; naked chests everywhere, some of the men were barely wearing anything. He felt a bit uncomfortable and knew he needed a drink to relax. "Let's go to the bar."

 

"Sure," Niall nodded, instinctively taking Harry's wrist and leading them through the crowd. Harry was immediately incredibly popular.

 

Harry was used to attention and he liked attention; in fact, he basked in it. When they reached the bar, he kept close to Niall, his hand on the blonde's hips so there was no mistaking that they were together. Zayn on the other hand didn't like the extreme attention, it made him self-conscious and squirmy and he was almost immediately approached by someone.

 

Niall could tell that Harry's possessiveness was more about warding people away from Niall, instead of telegraphing that he was unavailable, himself. Niall wasn't getting much attention with the two beauties flanking him. He curled over the bar, content to be ignored, and watched as an over-tan Jersey Shore boy tried to flirt with Zayn. "Yeah, so, I go to the gym, like, six times a week, sometimes twice on Saturdays," he was saying.

 

Zayn was bored within seconds and he didn't hide it, making the guy leave with an offended huff.

 

"What do you want to drink, love?" Harry asked Niall, nuzzling his neck.

 

Niall stroked at his curls. "Just whiskey on the rocks. Thanks, hon. Um... Zayn, I'd buy you a drink, but I don't want you to blow me off like that guy." He laughed. "I'm kidding. Can I get you something?"

 

Zayn smiled a bit. "No, it's fine. I'll get something myself."

 

Harry rolled his eyes a bit and summoned the bartender, ordering Niall his drink.

 

This was a terrible idea. "Make it a double," he whispered to Harry. "Y'know, baby, if you want to go dance, don't let me stop you."

 

Harry looked out into the dancing crowd, catching eyes with a guy staring at him as if star-struck, Harry shot him a quick wink before he turned to look at Niall. "Come dance with me," he said and looked up just as a broad guy with a strong jaw sidled up to Zayn. "You don't want to be left alone here."

 

Niall was about to protest when he looked over and saw who looked to be Superman trying to make small talk with Zayn. "Um... Ok," he said, taking his drink and letting Harry pull him from the bar. He downed it in less than two gulps and moved into the middle of the floor, trusting Harry to guide him. The way people looked at Harry... well... It bothered him, but it didn't bother him so much as the way Harry looked back at them.

 

Harry could feel that something was off with Niall, "Is there something wrong, love?" he asked, holding him close to him.

 

"No, it's just--"

 

"Hey, sexy." Suddenly a man was next to them, shirtless and with a torso Niall couldn't dream of having in a million years. "He's cute," the man with the stunning Latin features said, nodding to Niall. "But you look like you're ready to take off the training wheels." His arm went around Harry's waist as he guided him against his body.

 

Harry blinked and looked up and down the guy, forgetting just for the slightest second that he had a boyfriend. "Get off," he said and pulled away. "Yes. He's cute. He's also my boyfriend."

 

"He doesn't have to be," the Latin guy smiled, a stunning boomerang of white that made his face even more handsome. "You could spend the night with someone more your speed -- like me!"

Niall was triggered as hell. He wanted to reach down this guy's throat and pull his stomach out of his mouth. He was so damn sexy and charming -- how could he make hitting on a man's boyfriend right in front of him charming? -- but in truth, he really wanted to see what Harry was going to do.

 

Harry looked over at Niall and saw how pissed off he looked. He looked back at the guy, his gaze sliding over him once. "Yeah, I've already done so much better than you." He stepped behind Niall and wrapped his arms around the boy. "I like this one better." He smacked a kiss against Niall's cheek.

 

The Latin fellow was smooth. He backed away like he didn't mean any harm and just shrugged. "Sure, if you say so. But if you were mine--? Boy, I wouldn't let nobody get so close to you." He shrugged again as if to emphasize his harmlessness and disappeared into the crowd.

 

Niall was tense against him. "Relax," Harry said and stroked his shoulders. "Classic douchebags. Do you still want to stay here?"

 

Niall looked up at him. He was actually really impressed. He tangled his hand in Harry's curls and pulled him down into a deep, steamy kiss.

 

Harry kissed Niall back, putting a hand on his belly and pulling him closer. "Let's go back to mine," Harry breathed against Niall's lips.

 

Niall leaned back in Harry's arms and said, "Wait a little bit," softly. He wanted to make sure Zayn made out alright. He kept an eye on him as they danced, but the boy didn't seem to move from the bar.

 

There were certain things you couldn't drink away, but Zayn was still going to try. He was slowly reaching a point where his blood was replaced by alcohol, speech slurring, flirting shamelessly with the Superman-looking guy that'd been hanging on him.

 

"Do you want to come back to mine?" Superman asked, his hand curled possessively on Zayn's hip. Zayn didn't see why he wouldn't want to, it wasn't like he had a home to return to, parents that'd worry about him, he knocked back the pain curling up his throat with a glass of alcohol. "Why not?"

 

The man looked ecstatic and began dragging Zayn to the door, but they were stopped by a frantic voice behind them, calling, "Zayn! Hey, Zayn!"

 

Zayn turned to see who it was, his vision a bit hazy. He caught sight of none other than Caleb and his eyes widened a little. "Caleb?"

 

"Zayn!" The man came bounding toward him like a puppy, but he stopped short, eyeing Superman to make sure he didn't look violent, then trying to get a read on Zayn. "How... How are you?"

 

Seeing Caleb only brought back a rush of memories from that horrible night; the look in his father's eyes and the tears in his mothers. The pang of pain was sharp and acute and he looked away. Superman began tugging him along, impatient.

 

"Hey, wait!" Caleb tried again, stepping between the couple and the door. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok..." The guilt and fear in his eyes was genuine.

 

"No," Zayn snapped, more heatedly than he'd intended. "Of course I'm not fucking ok." He was in a gay club on a school night, drinking his brains out and ready to let some random dude do whatever he wanted with him.

 

"Hey, baby, it's ok, come on," Superman said, trying to lure Zayn away, back into his car.

 

 Caleb looked wounded. "I just-- I just want... Y'know, if I can help..."

 

"Do you have a time machine? If not, there's nothing you can do for me."

 

That was when a light of recognition lit in Caleb’s eye as his focus shifted momentarily from Zayn to Superman. They locked eyes and Caleb breathed, “Brandon?” While Superman – Brandon – said at the same time, “Don’t you dare!”

 

His eyes quickly darting between Brandon and Zayn, Caleb quickly determined where his loyalties lay and blurted, "Don'thavesexwithhimhehastheclap!"

 

To his left, he heard a bystander say, "Oh, bitch, you did not!" Caleb would've been mortified if it weren't that half the people here knew it was true.

 

Niall was getting lost rocking his hips into Harry's, swaying with him drunkenly, but he became aware there was a bit of a ruckus near the entrance. When he looked over and saw Zayn, he immediately lifted himself off his boyfriend and said, "Oh, shit," as he made his way over as fast as he could through the press of people.

 

Zayn ripped away from SuperBrandon as if burnt. When Brandon reached for him, he backed away. "Fuck off," he said and turned to walk away. His life was already a shit show, he wasn't adding a STD to the list. He barely got to take two steps, before Brandon grabbed him around the arm and pulled him back against him, hissing, "Seriously?"

 

Zayn was no match against him, especially in his drunk state.

 

"Brandon, let him go," Caleb said, about to come forward and make a bid to pull Zayn free, but a little blonde rocket shot past him, slamming into Brandon's chest. "Get your fucking hands off him, asshole, he told you to back off!" Niall was like a pufferfish who seemed to magically make himself twice as big when angry.

 

Zayn stumbled drunkenly and reached blindly for purchase. He ended up clutching Harry's shirt and when he looked up and got eye-contact with the boy, he immediately let go. "Ew," he muttered.

 

Harry rolled his eyes and pushed past Zayn to calm Niall down now, that Brandon was retreating. The push was hard enough to send Zayn tumbling into Caleb.

 

"Harry!" Niall pushed Harry away after seeing what he'd done to Zayn. "What is wrong with you?"

 

Caleb saved Zayn from tumbling to the floor and tried to help him back on his feet. "You ok? You ok?" he asked, worry clear on his face.

 

"You four!" it was the bouncer, large and intimidating. "Out. You're 86'ed."

 

Harry snorted. "This is shithole, anyways," he said. "Let's go, love."

 

Zayn managed to steady himself on his feet. "I'm fine," he muttered and pulled away from Caleb as they all got ushered out into the cold by the bouncer.

 

Once they were outside, Niall was so mad he could barely look at Harry. "C'mon, Zayn, we'll drive you home."

 

Caleb kept his arm around the boy and held him close in the cold. "You’re still there then? They didn’t really throw you out?” he asked, relieved.

 

Zayn laughed dryly but didn't pull away from Caleb. "What home?" he asked and looked emptily at Niall.

 

Niall's face fell. "Come back to... To ours, Zayn. Or the greenhouse. Wherever you want to go."

 

"So, they did kick you out, then?" Caleb turned to Zayn. 

 

Zayn felt so miserable, he looked smaller than he actually was. "Yeah, turns out that your 'everything's going to be ok' was complete bullshit," he said flatly. He swallowed. He didn't want to go to the greenhouse. He wanted his own bed. But he knew he couldn't have that.

 

"Hey, man, who the fuck are you, anyway?" Niall turned on Caleb. "We don't know you, get the fuck out of here! C'mon, Zayn," Niall said, tucking his best friend under his arm and herding him away.

 

"You can stay with me!" Caleb threw out before he could censure it.

 

Zayn stopped up and turned to look at Caleb. He didn't know the guy and he was associating him with the worst decision of his life. Even so, staying with Caleb for a night or two seemed better than the alternative. "You don't even know me," Zayn said and looked at Caleb, confused. "Why?"

 

Harry who was freezing and impatient, snapped, "Niall. Can we go already?"

 

"Because..." Caleb said helplessly. "Because no kid should be kicked out of his house for being gay..." He saw his breath in the air as he spoke.

 

"Shut up, Harry," Niall hissed at him, before turning to Zayn. "Zayn, you know this guy?"

 

To Niall's question, he nodded, "Yeah. He's the guy my dad caught me with."

 

Niall looked up at Caleb with hard eyes as if he was the reason his friend's life fell apart. "Fuck off, buddy," he said, pulling on Zayn's sleeve.

 

"Niall, stop," Zayn said with a life-tired sigh and pulled away from Niall. "Where are you taking me? There's nowhere for me to go."

 

"You can... We..." He looked back at Harry briefly. Louis wouldn't stand for Zayn in his house and Zayn wouldn't stand to be around Louis. He could put him up in the greenhouse, but there was no heating there and he would freeze this time of year. "Just..." Niall was despairing. "Don't go with him! You don't know him! He could be a total psycho!"

 

Zayn smiled a little. "Yeah. I've reached a point that I've run out of fucks to give," he said and looked back at Caleb. "Are you sure I can come with you?"

 

"Y-yeah," Caleb said, immediately doing the math in his head of where he would put him and whether or not his bathroom was clean.

 

"Zayn..." Niall pleaded softly.

 

"What Niall?" Zayn said and turned to look at his friend. "Do you have a better alternative? It's not like my life isn't shitty, I doubt he could do anything that'd make it worse."

 

"Don't say that, Zayn, please..." Niall winced. He looked up at Caleb, his eyes hard and pulled out his phone. "I want your name, your number and your address and if I don't hear from him by 11 tomorrow, I'm coming for you."

 

"Um..." Caleb stared at this kid. He knew this wasn't a con, they weren't casing the joint -- or at least he had a firm suspicion they weren't. Either way, he felt he owed Zayn something. He took Niall's phone and typed his information in. Niall took it back with an angry grab. "And... Zayn, text me when you get there, alright? And -- And send me the address, ok, so I know he didn't give me a fake one... In fact... Maybe we should be on the phone until you get there..." Niall was a hair's breadth away from insisting he come along as well.

 

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Harry exclaimed and threw his hands in the air, exasperated and unable to keep quiet for a second longer. "He'll be just fine. Let's fucking go."

 

"I'll text you," Zayn muttered and turned to Caleb. "I brought my car. Is your apartment far from here?"

 

"No, but I'm not letting you drive. C'mon, I'll take you back when I leave for work tomorrow, ok?" He reached out to tuck Zayn into his armpit again. The boy's hoodie was too thin.

 

"Text me!" Niall called after them, before turning back to Harry, his face long. "I don't like this."

 

"He seemed stable enough, more than I can say for you," Harry said and took Niall's hand, pulling him towards his car, eager to get away from the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to reach us:
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> Miraal:  
>  Kik: @Miraal07


	31. Chapter 31

"Are we walking?" Zayn asked and tried to walk as straight as possible.

 

"No, no, my car is right over here on the street... You must be freezing," Caleb said, opening his car door for Zayn and tucking him inside. As soon as he got the engine running, he turned on the heat and glanced at Zayn to make sure he was ok. The boy ignored his presence. Caleb started driving without comment.

 

Zayn stared distantly out of the window and didn't say much. He tended to get lost in his mind and lately, it'd been a lot more so than ever.

 

It was a bit unnerving for Caleb. "Are you feeling alright?" he asked at the concluding point in the drive.

 

Zayn was brought back and he glanced at Caleb briefly. "Define alright."

 

"Well... Let's start with ‘are you going to throw up’?"

 

Zayn was silent for some time, like he was giving it some really hard thinking. "No. I don't think so."

 

"Alright. You warm?"

 

"No," Zayn said. "I feel cold. Everywhere."

 

Caleb turned the heat up higher, even though he knew that wasn't the real issue. Zayn was curled away from him slightly and he was resisted the urge reach out and stroke a hand down his back.

 

Zayn was thinking about his family and whether his grandmother had found out that he'd been thrown out. He blinked and shook off the thought. The silence in the car was getting a bit awkward so he cleared his throat, "You live alone?"

 

"Yes, I live in the Moorpark Tower on 8th. I have a sofa bed. It's actually pretty comfy," he said, trying to sound cheerful. He pulled into an underground parking garage and when they got out of the car, he saw that Zayn was actually shaking. "Come on... Let's get you in a hot shower..."

 

His apartment was lovely, if not very small and sparsely furnished. Everything was hard right angles, but very clean, and he had a floor to ceiling window that looked out over the city. "Bathroom's this way," he said.

 

Zayn shuffled after Caleb, half-heartedly checking out the apartment. "Nice place," he muttered.

 

"Thanks, it's..." He shook his head. "Come on..." To get to the bathroom, one had to go through the bedroom. The bed was very neatly made, white and almost like a hospital bed. The bathroom was no different. It almost looked un-lived in. He got Zayn a white, fluffy towel and said, "The water gets really hot... Let me know if you need anything."

 

As Caleb left, closing the door behind him, Zayn looked around the bathroom feeling uncomfortable. He slowly peeled his clothes off and began to shower, mindful of his bandage. He felt so hollow inside and he began to cry, his salty tears mixing with the warm water.

 

Once he had cried till he couldn't anymore, he stepped out of the shower and dried himself with the towel. He got back into his boxer shorts, wrapped the towel around himself and walked out.

 

The walls weren't thick enough that Caleb couldn't hear the poor boy's sobs. He went to the kitchen and made two cups of hot cocoa and made a full bowl of popcorn. He went into his bedroom so that when Zayn came out, he said, "I have some old pajamas, if you want... They're flannel. Might be a bit wide across, but they'll definitely fit. Just if... If you'd be more comfortable that way."

 

Zayn shook his head. "I'm fine," he muttered and took one of the cups. "Thanks."

 

"Ok. I don't know if you're hungry. I made some popcorn." He felt a little stupid for doing it, but he wanted to comfort the kid.

 

Zayn appreciated the gesture but he couldn't even muster a smile. "I'm not hungry." Even though he hadn't eaten anything since the Café with Niall. He took a sip of his warm drink. "Don't you have school tomorrow?"

 

"Yeah. I don't sleep, though…”

 

Zayn nodded. He had a feeling he wasn't going to sleep much either. He was quiet for a few moments. "I don't want you to think you owe me anything."

 

"I don't think I owe you anything," Caleb said, leading them into the living room before taking the cushions off the sofa and piling them neatly in the corner. "Doesn't mean I don't want to help."

 

Zayn stared at Caleb. "That's strange," he said. "You don't even know me. You don't help someone you barely know."

 

"I was there that night; I saw what happened. I don't need to know you to know that you were wronged," Caleb said, pulling the trundle bed out of the sofa.

 

Zayn watched him. "It's still strange," Zayn muttered and took a sip of his drink. "How did your parents react when you came out?" A rather personal question, but Zayn didn't like that this guy knew something so private about him while Zayn knew nothing of him.

 

"Well, my father said he always knew. He said he knew just by the way I played with kids when I was little. But my mother... She never... She never connected with me at all. She was always sort of disgusted with me. I came out to them when I was 14 and my mom just sort of... erased herself from my life."

 

"That sucks," Zayn said softly. If he'd been asked a couple of weeks ago if his parents would ever turn their backs to him, he'd answered with a firmly 'never'; they were his parents, they were supposed to love him unconditionally and protect him forever. Yet they'd thrown him out without a second thought and he couldn't quite come to terms with that. A part of him was still waiting for his parents to call him home; a big part of him.

 

Once it was ready, he laid down on the sofa bed with a heavy sigh, letting the towel fall from his body.

 

"You sure you don't want... pajamas? They're really soft. Super cozy."

 

Zayn looked at Caleb. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"

 

"No. Not like that. I just..." Caleb smiled self-consciously. "I just want to give you big hugs."

 

Zayn looked surprised. "That's weird," he said. "And sweet." He sat up. "You can give me a hug."

 

That was a relief. Caleb came forward and sat next to Zayn on the edge of the bed. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him tight against him. "You have beautiful hair," he said, pushing his nose into it.

 

Zayn had definitely needed a hug. He sighed and rested his face against Caleb's shirt, taking in his clean scent. "Thank you."

 

Caleb stroked his arm and kept him firm against him. He rocked him softly and said, "Think you'll be able to sleep?"

 

Zayn didn't think so. He was going to stay up all night with his thoughts running in circles. "I can try," he muttered.

 

Caleb's fingers were rubbing gently against Zayn's scalp. "If you can't, I put the TV remote on the night table... I'll be up in my room if you need someone to talk to..." Then, he gave a small smile, "But I can stay here as long as you like."

 

~*~

 

"He seemed stable enough, more than I can say for you," Harry said and took Niall's hand, pulling him towards his car, eager to get away from the cold.

 

"What the fuck does that mean?" Niall asked, following after him briskly.

 

"It means that you have a tendency of acting like you're off your meds," Harry said and climbed into the car, turning the heat up.

 

Niall's entry to the car was marked by a violent slamming of the door. "Excuse the shit out of me for thinking maybe my friend shouldn't go home with some lunatic we've never met!"

 

"Easy! I paid a lot of money for this baby!" Harry exclaimed after wincing as if physically hurt. "And your friend seemed to know him."

 

Niall sighed heavily. This whole thing agitated him. "Whatever, just drive me home." He wanted to be the one to take care of Zayn, frankly. He wanted to be the one who saved him from dangers and comforted him afterward.

 

"Really? You aren't coming back to mine?" Harry asked.

 

"No," Niall frowned. "I don't want to run into your dad."

 

"He's in his wing. He wouldn't know if I brought half the fucking town home. Come on, love. I want to kiss and cuddle you."

 

"We can do that at Louis'," Niall pleaded.

 

"I don't think Louis would let me in. He's most probably still mad."

 

"He's probably off fucking Liam at his house, still!"

 

"Right," Harry said. "Ok. We'll go to Louis'."

 

"He hasn't texted me, yet. Why hasn't he texted me yet?" Niall asked as soon as Harry parked.

 

Harry raised a brow at Niall. "Why are you so worried? He's probably busy getting dicked down." Harry rolled his eyes and got out the car.

 

"Thanks, Harry," Niall nearly snarled at him. He opened the door and immediately called, "Louis! You home?"

 

Harry followed him inside the empty apartment. "Doesn't seem like it," he said and peeled off his coat, throwing it haphazardly in the living room, moving on to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and groaned disappointed, "He doesn't have any yoghurt left."

 

Niall sighed heavily and looked at his phone. Agitated, he started up the stairs toward the bedroom. "I'm going to bed," he muttered.

 

Harry shut the fridge and followed him. "Why do I have a feeling you're angry at me?"

 

"Because I asked you to be kind to Zayn for one night and you couldn't even do that," Niall said, not looking at him as he stripped out of his clothes.

 

"What the fuck did I do wrong?" Harry said, irritated. "You're too goddamn demanding."

 

"You're too goddamn self-indulgent, Harry! We got in a bar fight and it was hard to tell whose side you were on! Zayn falls against you and you shove him away? What the fuck is that?"

 

"It was an instinctive knee-jerk reaction!" Harry said defensively. "He came out of fucking nowhere. What the fuck was I supposed to do with him?"

 

"Maybe put him on his feet and make sure he was alright?" Niall snapped, irritated that Harry was incapable of apologizing. He went into the bathroom and turned on the light, peeling the gauze back to get a look at his tattoo.

 

"Our deal was that I was going to ignore him, remember? Why do you..." Harry trailed off when he reached the door into the bathroom and saw the tattoo. He stared at it for a couple of moments. "What is that even supposed to look like?" he said, clearly unimpressed.

 

Niall just shut the door on him. His boyfriend was such a relentless dick and now Niall was thinking he couldn't stand it again.

 

Harry stared at the closed door, baffled. "What did I do now?"

 

"You're fucking mean, Harry! Just go home!" He stared at his tattoo in the mirror, truly enchanted with it. It was perfect, just as Zayn had drawn it. It was still red around the edges and a bit bright and shiny, but he knew within a few days’ time, it would be everything he'd hoped for.

 

Harry swung the door open. "You've got to stop bitching at me every fucking five minutes," Harry said, getting increasingly annoyed. Lately, he felt like Niall was picking apart everything he did and labelling him as some kind of monster. He caught sight of the tattoo. "Alright. What does it mean?" He was at least under the impression that every tattoo had a meaning.

 

Niall worked his jaw. "Nothing." He sure as shit wasn't going to tell Harry when he was in this mood. He brushed his teeth, unable to even look at his boyfriend.

 

Harry crossed his arms and leaned against the door, staring hard at Niall. "Who's being passive-aggressive now?"

 

"I'm going to bed," Niall said, spitting out his gob of suds and wiping his face. Harry was sort of blocking the door, but he made an effort to move around him.

 

Harry didn't let him pass. "I know you're angry that Zayn has gone home with some random dude with good hair, probably fucking each other on his bed right now, and I know that you wanted to be that person rather than being with me. Let's just be honest with each other."

 

"I just want you to be nice, Harry!" Niall snarled at him. "I want you to stop being so goddamn selfish all the fucking time! You shoved him away!" Niall closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. He was tired. He knew Harry wouldn't change. "I just want to go to bed."

 

Harry's jaw clenched and unclenched. "Sorry for being who I am, I guess," he said tersely. He simply couldn't understand why Niall was losing his shit over a small, harmless push. Oh right, it was because it was Zayn. He straightened up and walked up to the door. "Goodnight."

 

Niall turned his back on him and flung himself into the bed.

 

Harry stared at Niall's back for a few moments before he turned, slamming the door closed on the way. He didn't want to deal with Niall tonight.

 

As Harry was coming down the drive, Louis was climbing out of Liam's car and coming toward him. "Whoa! Hey, Harry! You ok?"

 

Harry stopped up, a bit startled. "Yeah, I'm good," He glanced at Liam's car. "It seems like you are more than ok," he said, a little surprised that Louis was talking to him.

 

"Yeah. Things... worked out..." He turned and waved adoringly at Liam as he drove off. "You just leaving? Come inside!" Louis and Liam had decided to sleep in separate beds tonight because they didn't want to take another day off of school and they knew they wouldn't sleep if they were together. But Louis was still fizzling with excitement and he wanted to share it with someone.

 

Harry's gaze slid over Louis. He did look a lot more vibrant and happy than he'd ever seen him and Harry thought cynically that that probably wouldn't last very long. "Niall is in there and we had a fight, so I rather just go home."

 

"Oh, shit," Louis said, his face falling. "What happened?"

 

Harry pulled his coat closer to him, shivering a bit against the cold. "He wants too much from me."

 

"Come on, let's go in my garage at least," he said, sneaking in the side door. The garage contained some of the heat of the house and it was notably pleasant for a garage. "I kind of meant to talk to you about ... y'know... that."

 

Harry immediately looked guarded at Louis. "Why am I even surprised. I should've seen this coming. What is it?"

 

"Nothing," he said, not wanting Harry's hackles raised. "Just... you two don't seem happy together."

 

They'd be happy if Niall would let his obsession with Zayn go. "And how exactly is that any of your business?"

 

"You're both my friends!" Louis said. "I want you both to be happy! I just... have you considered... breaking up?"

 

Harry stared at Louis, almost startled, but then something dawned on him. "Oh. He wants to break up, doesn't he?" he said, ignoring the stab to his chest. "Why am I even holding on to someone who doesn't love me? Why the fuck am I chasing someone who's chasing someone else?"

 

Louis swallowed. "Um... Harry... in his defense... don't you think you're being a little insecure?"

 

Harry gave Louis a deeply betrayed look. "Are you taking his side? Are you trying to tell me that I'm seeing something that's not there?"

 

Louis sighed. "No, I'm telling you you're not seeing something that is there... Harry, I love you. But you do sort of have a hard time seeing outside of yourself."

 

Harry pulled his lips into his mouth for a few moments. "You know, I think I've had enough of this useless 'talk' already. You and Niall can go fuck each other for all I care."

 

Louis closed his eyes. "Please don't push me away, Harry. We don't have to talk about it, just... Please don't punish me for trying to help you. I don't want to see you two break up."

 

Harry shook his head and looked down at his shoes. "Life is too short to chase someone who doesn't love and appreciate you. You can't seriously say that I'm the only one at fault here. But that's easiest, isn't it?"

 

"Of course it isn't easiest and I'm not saying it's true! I just know you two can communicate better... Harry... Niall's not like all those people you sleep with. He's not even like me. He's not just going to follow you around and adore you just for paying attention to him, and that's not because of Zayn. That's just kind of... how he is. And that's why you're crazy about him. But that means if you want to keep him, you can't treat him like you treat everyone else. And look... I know he's willing to let Zayn go. He knows Zayn doesn't love him and they'll only ever be friends and he's come to terms with that. And he likes you. I know he's really into you. You should see his face when he talks to me about you."

 

Harry knew that Louis was right. The main reason Harry was so into Niall was because he wasn't like all the others that adored him, put him up on a pedestal, thought of him as an object of desire and status to the point of nearly dehumanizing him. No matter how much Niall made him want to tear his hair out, he also made him melt as easily as chocolate. He sighed deeply. "I think it's best if I call him tomorrow. Give us both time to cool off."

 

Louis nodded. "Yeah... Yeah..." He smiled at him. "I'm proud of you, Harry. I'm actually really fucking impressed."

 

Harry smirked. "Don't get you expectations too high now. So...you finally got what you wanted?"

 

Louis' body went a little silly at the thought of Liam. "We're... We're going to try to make it work, yeah..."

 

Harry caught himself from saying something that would most likely upset Louis. "Yeah? It's back to you forgetting about your friends and being consumed by your boyfriend?"

 

"Hey!" Louis flung his arms out, offended. "Where am I? What am I trying to do? Oh! I think I'm standing with my best friend, working my ass off to save his relationship, thank you very much!"

 

"Don't get worked up. Apparently you didn't call Niall all day. He's weirdly clingy with you."

 

"'Weirdly' you say? Anybody'd cling to me, I'm awesome!"

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard and smirked at Louis. "You're alright, I guess." He patted Louis hair, almost patronizingly. "I'm going home now. I'm tired."

 

"You sure you wouldn't rather go back in there, tell him you’re sorry and snuggle up to him all night? He's defenseless when you're self-effacing, you know."

 

Harry thought about it for a few moments. "If he kicks me out, I'm going to kick your face." He turned around and walked back into the apartment.

 

"Really, really sweet, Harry!" Louis insisted.

 

Niall wasn't asleep, just glaring at the wall. There was a distinctly gloomy vibe coming from him and Harry contemplated retreating. "Hey," he said softly and cautiously walked into the room, taking his coat off as he went. He took a deep breath before he crawled up behind Niall and lay down next to him, staring at the back of his head. "I'm sorry."

 

Niall clearly hadn't expected his return and he just curled his arms against himself and let out a heavy sigh.

 

Harry reached out and gently, cautiously let his fingers run down the length of Niall's arm. "Don't be mad at me, please? I can be a dick. Alright. I'm a dick 95% of the time. It's a flaw. I'm working on it."

 

Niall sighed again, putting his fingers to his forehead. "I don't know, Harry... I just don't know."

 

"I'm trying to apologize here," Harry said, growing impatient. He quickly got hold of himself and took a deep breath. He counted to ten and then said in a more calm voice, "What do you want from me?"

 

"Thank you," Niall said sincerely. "Thank you for apologizing. I appreciate that." He reached back and put his hand on Harry's, squeezing it. He closed his eyes. "I just need... I think I need to sleep, now."

 

"Do you want me to leave?"

 

"No," Niall said simply. "No, I want you to stay."

 

Harry was relieved and glad to hear that. He shuffled closer to Niall and laid an arm around him. "This ok?"

 

"You can get under the covers if you want," Niall smirked.

 

Harry got off the bed and disrobed, happily crawling under the blankets and, spooning Niall closely. "Can I get under you too?" he said teasingly, kissing Niall's neck.

 

Niall snorted at him. "Simmer down, cowboy." His phone was charging on the bedside table and he was hyper aware it hadn't buzzed with a safety text from Zayn.

 

Harry sighed softly. He was aware that'd he'd gone pretty long without sex; for his standards at least. "I'm going to a fashion show this weekend in New York. I've got two tickets."

 

Niall's phone buzzed with a text from Zayn. ‘Hey. Just thought I'd let you know that he's yet to collect my organs for the black market.’

 

"Yeah?" Niall said. He picked up his phone and sighed with relief, sagging back into Harry's arms. He texted Zayn, 'FINALLY, asshole! I've been fighting with Harry all night.' He put his phone down. "I'd go with you, but I don't think your dad would let me off of house cleaning duties."

 

"I can take care of that," Harry said, nuzzling Niall's neck. "Besides, I strongly doubt that he'll even notice."

 

Zayn texted back, 'Good. Then we can run away together :)' followed by a text the next second, 'That sounded wrong and insensitive. You alright?'

 

Niall smashed his phone into the pillow. He couldn't be having this conversation with Harry being so sweet. He couldn't even address that. He typed a quick, 'Love you,’ and shut his phone down. "Um... I don't know anything about fashion -- obviously."

 

Harry smiled against Niall's neck. "You don't have to. You'll just have to sit and watch girls prancing in absurd outfits. But the after party is always the fun part."

 

"You like fashion," Niall said, knowing Harry was obsessed with it: having all the designer stuff, being 'in season' and on top of the trends. "Hell, you love fashion."

 

"Mmm...I do. Fashion is art."

 

Niall smiled. That was some classic Harry, right there. "Do you want me to come?"

 

"Of course, I'd like to share something I love with the boy I love."

 

It always knocked the wind out of Niall when Harry said things like that. For the first time since Harry came back, Niall rolled over and looked him in the eye. "Do you love me?" with an emphasis on 'do'. It was clear he was skeptical.

 

Harry stroked Niall's cheek and gazed him deep in the eye, getting a little lost in the blue. "If I didn't, trust me, I'd be long gone by now. You're the only one who’s made me stay."

 

Niall tipped his hand back so he could stroke the velvet of Harry's cheek. "Then why y' so mean?"

 

"As I said, I'm working on it."

 

Niall looked deeply into Harry's beautiful sea-green eyes and sighed. He'd gotten with this boy, if he was honest, only to make Zayn jealous enough to claim him. That hadn't happened. But Niall was still with him because of moments like this, when Harry was sensitive, gentle, vulnerable. "You're going away to England. Probably in less than a year," he said softly.

 

Harry had tried not to think too hard about that. There were still months left, many weeks, anything could happen in that time. He couldn't imagine a long-distance thing was going to work, but he loved this boy so much he was willing to try anything. "Let's just take it day by day, ok?" he said. "We'll find a way to make it work."

 

"Harry, there's more about me you don't know."

 

Harry stared at Niall, unsettled. "What is it?"

 

Niall winced and looked away. "I can't... I can't tell you... It's just..." He sighed. "I'm not someone you should be falling in love with."

 

Harry pulled away from Niall. "You can't just tell me that without telling me what it is that I don't know about you."

 

"If I tell you... You'll leave me," Niall said, sitting up, feeling a panic wash over him. It was as if some external force had spoken through him without his will and he curled over his knees, feeling like he was going to throw up. After weeks of such diligence, it was a massive oversight to tip into this conversation now, like a fool.

 

Harry stared at Niall. He'd known there was something Niall wasn't telling him, something that curled in the space between them, something that prevented them from really connecting. "How am I even supposed to react to that?" he said, fingers curling in the sheets. "Niall...you've got to tell me what it is."

 

Niall smashed his hands to his forehead and wondered what it was, what madness had possessed him to go down this path. "I.. Harry, I don't want to lose you. I really... I don't want to lose you."

 

Harry's brain was immediately running through the worst case scenarios. "Niall....did you...did you kill someone?"

 

"No!" Niall said immediately. "No, I've never killed anyone!" It was worse than that. So much worse than that. He was nearly in an hysteria, now. It suddenly became apparent that if he revealed this, he would lose everything -- Harry, Ray's money, his only means to pay for Amy's sustained existence.

 

"You're scaring me right now," Harry said, swallowing. He couldn't imagine what Niall had done that was so bad that it'd make him leave. He knew that as long as he didn't know, it'd drive him crazy. "I need to know, Niall. You need to tell me."

 

"I can't," Niall choked. "Everything... My entire life will fall apart if I tell you..."

 

"You want me to just forget that you just said you did something so bad it would make me leave you, that it would make your life fall apart? I can't do that. I'll be thinking about it like crazy."

 

Niall sat in the bed, his head in his hands, feeling his gorge rise. Not only would his world fall apart, but it would ruin Harry. And as he sat here in bed, he realized how much he cared about Harry. How much he cared about his wellbeing, wanted him to be happy, loved having him near. Without thinking, he rolled and wrapped his arms around Harry, squeezing him tight and feeling all the tension he had been pretending didn't exist start to crush him.

 

Harry could feel the rigidity in Niall's body, could hear his heartbeat sledgehammering against his chest, matching the beat of his own heart and he only got more scared. He slowly wrapped his arms around Niall and sunk his face in his golden hair, taking a deep, shuddery breath.

 

"Harry... You have to believe I care about you... I don't ever want to hurt you... You're... You've saved my life... I could love you, Harry. I think I do. Do you believe me?"

 

Harry's throat was a bit dry. "I don't know what I believe anymore," he said softly.

 

Niall pushed him back on the bed, pinning him by the shoulders and staring into his eyes. "Harry. I love you. I do. I want... I want to be with you, I want to make our relationship work, do you understand? I want... I want to believe that if you left for England in a year, we could find a way." He kneaded Harry's shoulders, and the secret that Niall hadn't yet spoken was lingering between them like an enormous 'but...' at the end of Niall's sentence.

 

"If you tell me...then maybe we can work through it," Harry said, hopeful but expecting the worst. He cupped Niall's cheek. "I love you. I'm sure nothing can change that. But you need to tell me."

 

Niall smashed Harry's hand to his face and kissed it. There was hope in Niall's heart that if Harry's love sustained this news, there was a future for them. This secret had the potential to bring them both together, to change both of their worlds for the better. However, it could destroy them as well. It all depended on how Harry took it. He kissed Harry's palm over and over. "Um..." he started shakily. "A few months back... Amy... She had fallen ill and had a lot of out-patient care and my mom... She had some sort of insurance that helped. But my mom, she... She's schizophrenic. She tends to just disappear and a few months back, she just disappeared, and one day Amy had a seizure. It was terrible, I thought she was going to die, so I called the ambulance and they took her to the hospital and they said she had to be under 24 hour care. Our... Our insurance covered the out-patient treatment, but in-patient care? That's totally different. Our insurance only covered so much and the fees were... Harry, they're insane. It's absolutely insane. And my mom was gone and one day the hospital called me and said that since their bills weren't being paid, they had to send Amy home and... If they did that... she would only have maybe a week left to live? And that week would be really painful..."

 

As Niall related the story, he felt his throat start to close and the tears fell down his cheeks in straight, dewy lines. "I didn't know what to do. My dad bailed on our family long ago and my mom didn't have any kin. I... I went to this bar... It was the bar we went to last night... And I honestly wanted to drink myself to death, but there was... There was this guy there. He was older. I could tell by the way he was dressed that he was really, really rich and... He kept hitting on me. Not just hitting on me, but, like, grabbing me, even though I told him I wasn't interested. And... I don't remember how it came out. It just... I told him about Amy. And he said if I let him fuck me, he would cover her bills each month. So long as I let him fuck me every Wednesday, and whenever he called..." He looked up at Harry with big blue eyes, hoping to see that he was following.

 

Harry's heart broke for him. That sounded so terrible, he couldn't imagine how anyone could go through that much and still be as strong as Niall was. He stroked along his damp cheeks and looked at him with deep, sympathetic eyes, showing him that he was following.

 

Niall's lips were trembling and his voice was worse. He couldn't meet Harry's eyes, but he clung to his wrists, keeping them on his face, needing his strength. "So I said yes... What else could I do, Harry? I said yes and it's kept her alive these months and she's the only family I have and I love her so much..." He sniffed hard. "And I never, ever thought I would even ever meet you, much less fall for you, care for you like I do--"

 

Harry's stomach tightened with foreboding dread. He still couldn't see what was so horrible, since this had been something he'd already known in less detail and it hadn't made him love Niall any less. He tried to catch Niall's eyes, but Niall simply wouldn't meet his gaze. "You did it for your sister, Niall...I don't see why I would look at you different."

 

"Harry..." Niall was sobbing now and the words were strained on his lips. "Harry, it’s your dad!"

 

Then followed a moment of complete, tense silence where Harry stared at Niall. "What?" he said, blinking, the denial making him slow.

 

"It's your dad, Harry... That's the reason I thought to go to your school, to sell weed. Because I knew how much money your dad had, but I never... I never, ever thought I would meet you, I never intended to meet you, or Louis. It's why I pushed you away so hard at first..."

 

Harry's face quickly drained of all color as the cold, hard realization smashed through the denial. "No," he said quietly, "No. That's not true--that's-" He sat up and pulled away from Niall, staring at him with wide eyes quickly filling with tears. He scrambled off the bed. "Oh my God." He felt as if the rug had been pulled from under his feet. Everything he thought he knew had been a lie. "That night I first met you, you were..." He covered his mouth, he felt sick.

 

Niall couldn't look at him. He hugged himself around the middle and just shied away from the terror he saw in Harry's eyes. Why did he ever bring this up? He had gambled poorly and now he had lost everything. "Harry, please, I'm sorry... It doesn't mean anything!"

 

"It doesn't mean anything? Are you kidding me?" Harry's voice was high-pitched, tears falling down his cheeks. He let out a slightly hysterical laugh, "Oh my god. My own dad..." the repulsion and betrayal and anger was more directed at his father than it was at Niall. Even though he didn't think he could ever look at either of them ever again. "That...fucking bastard..." He gasped softly. He could feel all the emotions curling together, accumulating inside of him and he felt like he might implode any second.

 

"No..." Niall pleaded. "Harry, no, please, you have to understand, I didn't... It has nothing to do with us, nothing to do with what I feel for you, please, see me. See me! I'm the same as I was before, I promise! I don't -- I don't want it, Harry!" He got off the bed and came toward Harry, grabbing him by the shoulders and giving him a shake. His tears were dry and his face was taught with determination. "See me! Harry, see me!"

 

Harry jerked away from Niall as if burned. He couldn't feel anything right now, couldn't think straight for all the emotions choking him up. He shook his head, "No. I can't. I can't. I can't do this," he said, vision blurred with tears. "How could you keep this from me....something like this... all this time?!" The thought of his father being the one who'd done that to Niall nearly killed him. He felt burning red anger shot through him. "How could he do something like that!?" He turned on his heels and stormed out.

 

Louis was in the living room, getting comfy on the sofa when Harry stormed down. "Harry...? Harry! What's going on?" he asked, chasing after his friend a few feet.

 

Harry barely heard Louis as he ran out in the cold and stormed to his car, ripping the door open and settling in.

 

Louis followed him out onto the street, frightened by such a display. "Harry!"

 

Harry started the engine, pulling out of the driveway and mauling down Louis' mail-box in the process, before he made an illegal u-turn and drove off. The only thing he could think about was his hands around his father's throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, this chapter is much shorter than I intended it to be, but there's a reason for that -- the next bit is so upsetting to me, I'm debating whether or not I should post it or edit it. I've done a lot of editing on this thing, simply because I don't want it to be too rough, but part of me feels like I should check in with my readers and see how steady you're feeling?
> 
> What do you think, readers? I would love to hear from you.
> 
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> How to reach us:
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> Miraal:  
>  Kik: @Miraal07


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note for this chapter there are  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS for the following:  
> Incest, dysfunctional family dynamics, domestic violence.

 

Harry's car screeched to a stop in front of the Styles’ residence and he jumped out of the car, charging into the house with determination. His whole body was shaking with anger when he threw open the door into his father's study where his father was bent over some papers, looking exhausted and stressed. The sight of him only made Harry's blood boil. "You fucking bastard!"

 

Ray looked up, alarmed and confused. "Harry? What’s wrong with you?!"

 

"What is wrong with me?" Harry said, voice shaking with anger. He stalked up to the desk and stared at his father with flames in his eyes. "What the fuck is wrong with you, you sick, old man?"

 

Ray was on his feet in an instant. "How dare you accuse me of anything, you little prick!" he barked. "I haven't touched you; I haven't even looked at you since you've been back!"

 

His father towered over him but Harry wasn't intimidated. He was too angry to be. "No, you were working through that! That's what you told me, right?" Harry said. "What you forgot to mention is that you were working through it by fucking my boyfriend!!"

 

Ray went cold and quiet which was ten times more intimidating than when he was screaming. "Your what? Your what, Harry?"

 

"My boyfriend!" Harry repeated, voice spiraling out of control. He swept the documents on the table to the floor, fuming. "My fucking boyfriend! The boy that I'm in love with! You fucking sick bastard! How could you do that to me!?"

 

Ray marched over to the door and slammed it shut. Then he turned on Harry, taking him by the throat and pushing him up against the bookcase. "Are we talking about that little blonde boy?" he asked, the fury making him quiver despite the stillness of his bones.

 

Harry gasped softly and grabbed his father's wrist with both hands, shocked. His father had never laid his hands on him. "Yes," he snarled and tried fruitlessly to tug his father's hands off of him. "Get the fuck off of me!"

 

"He told you? Niall told you?"

 

"Did you think you could keep doing that and get away with it?" Harry asked, incredulous, eyes hateful. "Continue to terrorize and traumatize my boyfriend? You sick fuck."

 

"Terrorize!? Traumatize!?" Ray pushed him harder into the books. "Is that what he told you? I raped him? I forced him? It was a business arrangement, Harry! A business arrangement! He knew exactly what he was getting into! He's a faggot, Harry, just like you, and he got it up the ass! That's natural for a faggot! And he got paid for it. He got paid fucking well for it Harry -- far better than he deserved, I might add! I don't want to hear about him whining about taking it up the ass from me while he was taking it up the ass from you! He's a whore, Harry, he's a goddamn whore!"

 

Harry nearly couldn't breathe with how angry that got him. "Don't you dare! Don't you fucking dare say that about him! He did it for his sister! Why did you do it? Because you had to find a way to keep yourself from fucking your own son! Who is the sick one here? You, dad! You're on twisted piece of shit! You're not getting away with this! I fucking hate you! I should have moved to mom's years ago!"

 

That's when the hand on Harry's throat got very, very tight. "Don't you... Don't you dare... I have done everything for you, Harry," Ray hissed, watching his son's eyes go wide in fear. "He was mine first, Harry. I popped that boy's cherry and I made him come and he was mine first. And you know what? You were mine before that." He pushed his entire frame against Harry's, then, kissing him as fiercely as he'd always wanted to.

 

Harry's anger quickly turned into fear and he began pushing against his father's chest, trying to turn his face away from the aggressive kisses. "Stop! Stop!" He gasped, heart hammering against his chest. "Get the fuck off! I'll never be yours! Not even your son!"

 

Ray pulled away long enough to growl. "Then I'll stop paying Niall's bills and you can be responsible for his sister dying, Harry."

 

Harry stopped trashing as he froze up, staring up at his father with wide, shocked eyes. "W-what? No. You're going to pay it without fucking him, you get it? Or else I'll...I'll ruin you dad. I will do anything to take you down."

 

"What could you possibly do to me that wouldn't ruin you as well, Harry?" Ray bared his teeth. "You want to live as a pauper? That wouldn't suit you. No more pretty suits. You'd be a whore, just like Niall. What a pretty pair you'd make!"

 

Harry knew he was right. It made him feel so angry and hopeless. He couldn't believe that the man that was supposed to be his father was doing this to him, talking to him like this. "Fuck you," he snarled and tried to move passed his father. "I'll find a way, if it's the last thing I do."

 

"Forget about him, Harry. He's a whore. He'll drag you down. Get some pretty, flimsy supermodel half-wit, fuck her silly. Just keep your mouth shut and leave Niall to me."

 

"Fuck you!" Harry screamed, enraged and punched his father's chest. "Don't you fucking dare go anywhere near him, you hear me? I love him. I love him more than I'll ever love someone else. Fuck you for ruining everything good in my life. Just fuck you."

 

That finally got Ray to back off. He was shocked, backing up toward his desk, his hand where Harry hit him. "You love him?" There was disgust, despair in his voice. "You love him?”

 

Harry inched towards the door. "Yes. I'm in love with him. And guess what, he doesn't take it from me, I take it from him."

 

There was a moment where it was clear that all Ray Styles saw and heard was white. As soon as it cleared, he lunged at his son.

 

Harry's scream got caught in his throat and he spun around, running for the door. Ray chased after him, but Harry was lithe on his feet in a way his father wasn't. Ray gripped the railing as he saw his son run out of the house. "Don't you ever come back! Ever! You are cut off! If I see you in this house again, I'll have you shot!"

 

Harry stopped in the door and spun around, staring up at his father. "Go to hell, dad!" he shouted and flipped him off before he stormed out and into his car, driving away.

 

~*~

 

Niall was in a sort of delirium in which the heat and weight of Louis' arms around him were the only things that seemed real. He had stopped crying some time ago and was just staring, as a corpse, into space.

 

Harry hadn't know where to go. The consequences of his father cutting him off had slowly begun to dawn on him: No college for him, and no fund for Amy. He found himself pulling into Louis' driveway and walking into the apartment. Tear-stains on his cheeks and fingermarks on his throat. He looked around the living room and kitchen, before venturing upstairs. He found Louis and Niall in the bedroom, curled together. "Hey," he said dully.

 

They both looked up when Harry arrived. Niall felt both hope and fear explode inside him, leaving him in a static anxiety. Louis was the one who was able to reach out his hand to him and say, "Oh my god, Harry, what happened?"

 

Harry shrugged, shuffling forward. "Well...I got so angry that I went to my dad. He tried to choke me. Then he kissed me. Then he tried to kill me. And then he told me to never come back and cut me off." Harry laughed and looked slightly crazy. "Worst day ever, huh?"

 

"Oh, Christ, Harry..." Louis grabbed his wrist when the other boy came close enough and dragged him down to the bed, cocooning him into their nest.

 

Niall sat up from Louis lap and looked at Harry, afraid to touch him, but wanting to so desperately. "Harry..." He said softly, his hand coming up, wanting to touch the bruises on his neck. "Harry, I'm so sorry..."

 

Harry looked at Niall and smiled softly. "Yeah....I'm sorry too..." He took a deep breath. "..My life is over. I might as well wave goodbye to Oxford." His eyes glittered with unshed tears. "What am I going to do?"

 

"Don't say that, Harry," Louis said sternly. "Don't say that. Your life isn't over, alright? You have excellent grades, you have everything somewhere like Oxford would shit themselves over -- Harry, that's still attainable. Your life isn't over."

 

Niall stared at Harry, stunned. He couldn't believe that Harry had done that over him.

 

"They want money, Louis," Harry said through gritted teeth. "And as of right now, I'm not worth anything at all."

 

"Harry, that's not true." Louis sighed heavily, irritated that for as smart as Harry was, he knew so little. "We can talk about this later, alright? It's nearly 3 am and you two need to sleep. I'm going to get you two some Advil PM and some chamomile tea. Both of you have to sleep." He dug his way out from underneath his friends and went to the door. Before he left, he turned back and said to them both, "This isn't the end of the world. For either of you -- not even for Amy, ok?" Then he disappeared.

 

Niall sat on the bed, too ashamed to look Harry in the face.

 

Harry sat there and stared into thin air for a few moments, going over all the alternative options for himself and for Niall's little sister. He turned to look at Niall and reached out, taking his hand in his. "We'll get through this," he said quietly. "I promise."

 

Niall looked at him, not expecting such kindness so soon. "Do you forgive me?"

 

Harry's eyes softened. "You didn't do anything wrong," he said and stroked the back of Niall's hand. "You only did what you had to do."

 

Niall sniffed. "Everything's over..."

 

Harry shook his head and took Niall's arm, forcing him to look at him. "No. Nothing's over. I won't let it be over. We'll find a way. You need to trust that."

 

Niall's eyes trailed over Harry's face. "How am I going to pay my sister's bills, Harry?"

 

Harry stroked Niall's face. "We still have time to figure it out, alright? Let's not stress ourselves out. Louis is right. We need to sleep and everything will look clearer in the morning."

 

Niall looked up with glassy eyes and nodded. "I didn't mean for this to happen like this, Harry. I promise."

 

"I know." Harry leaned in and kissed Niall's forehead. "I still love you."

 

Niall traced his fingers down Harry's cheek as Louis came in with tea and medication. Niall was grateful for it.

 

"I'll sleep on the sofa tonight," Louis said softly, after administering his goods. "You two, just... Feel free to call me if you need anything -- anything at all."

 

Harry turned to give Louis a small, grateful smile and nodded. "Thanks." He reached for the tea and gave one to Niall before he popped a pill against the giant headache he could feel coming, drumming along his temple.

 

Niall finished his tea swiftly and in silence. When he was done, he put it on the night stand and looked at Harry a little pathetically. It was obvious that apologizing was on the tip of his tongue again, but Harry pressed a finger against Niall's soft lips and shook his head. "Sleep," he said and laid down, pulling Niall down next to him.

 

Niall crawled on top of him, kissing his neck and snuggling in. "You're my baby," he said, sighing heavily and squeezing him tighter. He was almost asleep when he muttered, "I love you..."

 

Harry startled. He stared up at the ceiling, blinking, unable to believe what he'd heard for several long moments. Then he closed his eyes and smiled, feeling the warmth exploding inside of him. And this feeling of being alright and content despite what had just happened, this must be what they called love and it wasn't as bullshit as he thought. He held Niall close and he knew he'd protect this boy with his life.

 

~*~

 

Once Zayn woke up the next morning, nestled snuggly in blankets, he was a bit disoriented. His first thought was to leave without running into Caleb. He got up and began pulling his clothes on. Then he quietly made his way out.

 

~*~

 

When Niall woke up, he wanted to pretend he didn't. He tucked Harry more firmly against his chest, draped his leg over him and tried to go back to sleep. That was when Louis peered in at them both. "Um... Do either of you want to go to school today?" he asked quietly, gently.

 

Harry had been half-awake and blinked sleepily, nuzzling Niall's neck. "Yeah, I should probably go," he muttered and lifted his head. "What time is it?"

 

"Seven," Louis said. Niall shuddered at the thought of being alone in the house.

 

Harry kissed Niall's forehead. "I would stay," he said, "but I have some meetings and a presentation."

 

"No, no," Niall said softly, sweetly. "You go. You knock 'em dead." He stroked the backs of his fingers over Harry's cheek.

 

Harry smiled. "I'll make you proud," he said and kissed Niall sweetly. He got to his feet so he could take a quick shower. "I'll be back by lunch. Just stay in and relax, ok? We'll talk properly after school."

 

"I'll probably go to the greenhouse," Niall said, knowing now more than ever, they were going to have to produce, produce, produce.

 

Harry nodded. "Ok." He said, even though that damn weed business made him nervous. "Let's take a shower together then. And save water."

 

Niall smiled at him. That sounded like the best idea he'd heard in weeks. "Yeah," he smiled, rolling out of bed and stumbling after Harry into the bathroom. He stripped bare, his tattoo red and swollen.

 

Harry gently touched the reddened skin around the patch. "How long does it take before it'll heal?" he asked as he got out of his clothes.

 

"Just a few days, she said." He stroked through Harry's hair and kissed the crown of his head before he knelt to pull off his pants. Then he turned the water on, the sound of the torrent making the morning a little more bearable.

 

Harry stepped under the water and pulled Niall in next to him. He sighed contently; the warm water did feel great against his slightly tense muscles. He reached for the shampoo and began washing Niall's hair.

 

Niall curled his fingers against Harry's skin. "Should I wait?" he asked. "To ask questions?" He assumed Harry might want to get through the school day without having analyzed the extent of the damage that had been done.

 

Harry swallowed a bit and nodded. "Yeah," he said, a bit hoarsely. "That's probably for the best."

 

Niall kissed his cheek. "Ok..." he said softly, reaching up to wash Harry's curls in turn. The ritual of cleaning calmed him and having Harry so near and so tender warmed him. Once they were out of the shower, Niall made a point to dress him and help him get his curls under control. "So, after school," he said, as Harry was tying his shoes, “do you want to pick me up at the greenhouse? Or should I meet you somewhere?"

 

"I can pick you up, love," Harry said, smiling; warmed by all the small gestures. He straightened up and kissed Niall. "I'll see you later."

 

"Have a good day, baby," he said, smiling to give his boyfriend courage.

 

"Thank you. You too, love," Harry said, feeling like he could overcome all and every obstacle as long as he knew Niall was waiting for him at home. He gave him a last kiss before he turned and left.

 

~*~

 

Niall arrived at the greenhouse a short bus ride and bracing walk later. He was surprised to see the door open and the light on inside. "Zayn?"

 

Zayn was already working rigorously, soiled to the elbows, trying desperately to distract himself from the mess his life had become. He looked up and smiled softly, "Hey."

 

"Hey," Niall smiled in relief and pleasure at seeing his friend. "Hey, how are you? Glad to see you're ok..."

 

"I'm ok," Zayn said with a shrug. "Are you holding up alright?" he asked and studied Niall, remembering that he'd had a fight with Harry.

 

"Um. Yes," Niall said warily. "Yes. The... The cat's out of the bag with Harry. About his father." He said it so casually, one might misinterpret what he meant.

 

Zayn stopped up what he was doing and turned to stare at Niall with wide-eyed shock. He put the pot down and took a towel, cleaning his hands as he came forward. "How? Are you alright? What happened?"

 

"I don't really know yet," Niall said, his brow furrowing. "I really don't know... what happened. I... Harry and I were fighting and he came back and apologized and... I'm just... I have no defense against him when he's being sweet. And I just... blurted something about how he didn't know everything and he wheedled and it became a huge deal so I just had to tell him... Then Harry went to his dad's and... I have no idea what happened there, but it was bad. Really bad. I... I probably lost both my jobs with Ray, and Harry… Poor Harry."

 

"Jesus," Zayn breathed and came forward, giving Niall a tight hug. He took a deep breath. "Don't worry. We'll find another way to pay Amy's bills." He sounded more confident than he felt. If he'd known another alternative, he'd done it long ago.

 

Niall squeezed him back, hard. He never wanted to let him go. "Harry told me he loved me again," he said softly. "I never in a million years thought he would stick by me... Not after he knew."

 

Zayn pulled back and stared at Niall, taken aback. He hadn't expected that. "Really?" he said, surprised. He had expected Harry to leave in a puffy huff of indignation.

 

"Yeah. Yeah. I think he lost everything, Zayn. I think he might have lost... I mean, everything. And he's still sticking by me." He shrugged as if to say 'I can't believe it myself.'

 

"But that's....that's good, right?" Zayn said as he wasn't sure how he should feel about that. "He must really love you." He knew that a part of him had, for selfish reasons, waited for the relationship to fall apart so he and Niall could fuck this town and leave.

 

Niall nodded. "I think so." He met Zayn's eyes and said, "I think so." He hugged Zayn tight to him again and said, "Tell me about that dude."

 

"Eh...he was nice," Zayn said and shrugged a bit. Waking up hadn't been easy.

 

"He legit just wanted to look after you?"

 

"I think he feels a bit responsible. And yeah...it's kind of strange."

 

"You gonna... stay with him again?"

 

Zayn wasn't sure. "I don't know," he muttered softly. "I might...temporarily till I can, y'know..."

 

Niall nodded. "Harry will probably move in with me and Louis..." He stopped and thought about it. "Louis is the best of all of us, y'know?"

 

Zayn smiled a bit. "Yeah..." It pained him to admit it. It was probably why Liam was so crazy about him. "...he's a good friend to you both."

 

"He'd be good to you, too, if you'd let him. He's not as bitchy as Harry... I don't even think he has any hard feelings about... Y'know... Liam."

 

Zayn shook his head with a smile and pulled back. He didn't want Louis or Harry to be a part of his life more than they had to be. He took Niall's shoulder, looking him hard in the eyes. "I'm happy that it worked out somewhat with Harry and I'm happy that you have someone like Louis to be there for you. That way I know that I won't have to worry about you. That you'll be alright."

 

Niall's face fell, knowing what Zayn was implying. "And what about you? What consolation do I have that you'll be alright?"

 

Zatyn stroked Niall's cheek once, briefly. "You'll just have to believe."

 

"Not good enough," Niall sighed. "You have to have a plan, Zayn. We have to make a plan for you."

 

"Nah," Zayn said and pulled away, smiling. "I'll dive into it head first. Don't worry. I'll be fine." He looked towards the plants. "Let's get to work."

 

~*~

 

The day in the green house proved to be rather productive. While Niall didn't have the natural affinity for gardening the way Zayn did, he was beginning, slowly to understand how the process worked and what was needed. What's more, he cared about the plants as well, wanted to nurture them and see them thrive, which Zayn promised was the most important part. He was covered in dirt, his cast grungy beyond repair, when Harry finally arrived to pick him up that evening.

 

Harry strolled into the greenhouse after a long, tiring day of school where he'd used more time stressing over what had happened last night and what would happen than listening to what the teachers were saying. He looked a little haunted. The sight of Niall calmed his mind and he smiled, waving. "Hi love."

 

Niall was always a little nervous about Zayn and Harry meeting, but he hoped the recent trauma would make everyone a bit more sympathetic. "Hey, baby," Niall smiled at him. Harry looked so different; older, less flippant. He leaned in to place a warm kiss on his soft lips and said, "Come see what Zayn taught me. I grafted a plant!"

 

Harry looked over at Zayn and Zayn gave him a slight nod, no malice in his eyes. Harry looked over at Niall's work and smiled, hugging him from behind and kissing his temple. "That's looks good, love." Zayn observed him from the corner of his eyes and there was something undeniably different about Harry Styles that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

 

"See, this branch is from another plant, but we've sort of Frankensteined it onto this stalk. Pretty cool, huh? It's how you make new strains." He reached back and sunk his fingers in Harry's hair, turning to look at Zayn with a loving smile.

 

Zayn smiled back. "Niall is a fast learner," he said. "He'll be able to take over in no time."

 

"That's pretty cool," Harry said simply. But then he turned to look at him with a raised brow. "Taking over? And where will you be?"

 

"Doesn't matter," Zayn replied cryptically. He turned to look at Niall. "Go and clean up. You've done a good job."

 

"Thanks, boss," Niall smirked at him. He laid a big smacker on Harry's cheek, then strode to what was slowly becoming their bathroom.

 

There was silence for a few awkward beats, before Harry cleared his throat. "Seriously, where are you going?" he asked, unable to tame his curiosity.

 

Zayn lifted a brow at him. "Why do you care, Styles?"

 

Harry shrugged. All of the energy he had for hating this boy simply wasn't there -- he was tired in a way he had never been before. "Niall's going to cry about it if something happens to you."

 

"Well...then it's good you'll be there to comfort him, right?" Zayn studied Harry. He wasn't completely comfortable leaving Niall to him, but he had no choice. "Look...take care of him, will ya? He likes you a lot."

 

Harry eyed him. "You running away?"

 

Zayn tilted his face a little. "Well...I guess I am." Maybe running from his problems wasn’t the way to solve things, but right now, it seemed like the only way to go. "If you hurt him, I'll be back so fast and kick your ass."

 

"I'm not going to hurt him." Harry put his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet. "Where are you going to go?" he asked. "If you know of some place that makes the pain go away, you're a dick for not taking us with you."

 

Zayn smirked a bit. "I'll make sure to send you a postcard if I find it."

 

"You really think your life's going to be better somewhere else? Where no one knows you?" A memory of the night before surfaced in Harry's mind. "Where there aren't beautiful blondes randomly willing to give you room and board?"

 

Zayn looked down for a few moments, his life here in this town flashing in his mind; his family, Niall, everyone who has impacted his life someway. "I don’t know," he said quietly and lifted his gaze. He was scared that he might not find what he was looking for. "All I know is that I can't stay here anymore."

 

"Why? Because your family's mad at you?" He didn't want to press Zayn. This conversation was making him edgy and he didn't want Niall to come back and see them edgy.

 

Zayn shifted a bit on his feet and threw a glance towards the bathroom. "They...disowned me," he said and looked back at Harry, knowing he could relate. "But now that I think about it, a part of me has always wanted to leave."

 

"When are you leaving?" As he asked it, Niall reemerged from the bathroom, muttering something about having to make a few adjustments to an improperly working sink. He quickly grasped the subject matter under discussion and took hold of his boyfriend's waist, clearly distressed by it.

 

"As soon as the time is right," Zayn said and looked at Niall meaningfully. He'd stay here for Amy's passing away and he'd stay here till he was sure Niall could manage the greenhouse by himself.

 

"Um," Niall said, pointedly interrupting the conversation. "We should probably go. I'll see you here tomorrow, yeah, Zayn?"

 

Zayn nodded. "Yeah."

 

Before he left, Niall took his hand from Harry's and gave Zayn a firm, squeezy, full-body hug.

 

"Call me if you need anything," he insisted. "If you can't find anywhere, please, please, come to Louis', ok?" Assured that Zayn knew he was welcome, Niall went to Harry, climbing into his car.

 

"I didn't know he was leaving,” Harry said as he took his position behind the wheel

 

"Yeah," Niall replied, clearly not at all enthusiastic about it.

 

"It doesn't help," Harry said as he pulled out and drove off. "Running away doesn't help." He's tried it more than a few times, but the problems you're running from will always be clinging to you like a shadow.

 

Niall sighed. "Well, I hope he learns that. His heart's set on it, though. There's nothing I can do to stop him and I've tried..." He reached out and put a hand on Harry's thigh, giving him a squeeze to comfort them both.

 

Harry smiled frailly and put his hand over Niall's briefly. He pulled up in front of Louis' apartment. Louis greeted them inside. "Hi babes!" He gave them a kiss on the cheek. "Have you been working hard?" he asked Niall.

 

Niall smiled at Louis' puppyishness. "Yeah. I was going to get cleaned up and then, I thought... Maybe, Harry, if you're interested, we could go visit my sister?"

 

"I'd love that," Harry said, smiling.

 

Niall smiled back at him. "I'm gonna go change," he said, and skipped over to the living room and his small hamper of stuff. That's roughly when Harry's phone started to ring with a call from his mother.

 

Harry pulled out his phone and he paled a little. "Gotta take this," he muttered and walked into the kitchen, taking the phone. "Hello?"

 

"Harry, I got an email today that said you cancelled your credit cards," his mother sounded irritated. "Why the hell did you do that? What are you trying to pull?"

 

Harry had seen that happen too, and he'd had a minor breakdown in the bathroom of the school. He ran a hand through his hair and said with a sigh, "I didn't do it. Dad did."

 

"Oh, my god," her smoke-damaged voice got huskier. "Why?"

 

Harry chewed the insides of his cheek. He didn't know how much his mother knew about his father. "It's a long story," he said after a few beats of silence. "One not appropriate over the phone."

 

"Tell me, Harry," his mother's voice was fraught with tension. "Tell me right now, what did he do?"

 

Despite himself, Harry felt a lump in his throat. "He almost...he almost hurt me," he said, voice a bit hoarse. There was no doubt in his mind that if his father had gotten his chance, he would've hurt him in unspeakable ways. "Did you know that, mom? How he...he feels about me?"

 

There was silence on the other end for several beats. His mother was clearly panting and Harry could hear the heavy thudding of her designer pumps as she paced across a stone floor. When she erupted, it was loud and shrill, "That mother fucker!" There was a loud, indistinguishable crash and she shrieked again, "That mother fucker!" She started speaking, fast and breaking, "I knew how he was, Harry. I knew he was a pervert -- sorry, not like you, Harry, I know you're queer, I heard about your boyfriend, congratulations, but not like you, you're just a queer, he was a pervert, Harry, I knew he was a pervert, I never thought I would, oh, my god, did he touch you? Did he touch you!?"

 

Harry leaned against the counter and took a shuddery breath. All the feelings he'd been bottling up where surfacing, stinging his eyes. "He choked me and then...then he kissed me..." Harry could still feel his father's fingers curled tight around his throat, could see the blinding anger in his eyes. He touched his throat and swallowed, "...I got away and he told me never to come back; that he was cutting me off."

 

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Harry could hear the dogs start howling in the background to match his mother's. A man's voice was heard and Debra said, "No, I'm not ok, I'm talking to my son! Ray has gone too far this time, he's gone too damn far!" Then she said back into the phone, "Are you somewhere safe, Harry? Do you have somewhere safe?"

 

Harry nodded before realizing that his mother couldn't see him. "Yeah...I'm at Louis’..." He swallowed a bit. "He can't get away with this, mom," he said, voice shaking slightly. "He can't do shit like this and get away with it."

 

"No. No. Harry, I... Oh, my god, I need a drink..." There was a pause and the tinking of glasses. "I don't know, baby. I think it might be time I take this asshole down, don't you think? All these years, he's taken me for granted, you know? Well, I know stuff, Harry. I know stuff and if it comes out in divorce court? Let me tell you, I can ask for everything." She heaved a heavy sigh. "So, whaddya say? If I divorce him will you testify for me, Harry?"

 

"Yes," Harry said without a shadow of doubt. He didn't care what it took, he'd do anything for his father to face the consequences of his actions. Harry had never been close to his mother, but maybe this would be the thing to bring them closer. "I will."

 

"It'll get ugly, Harry, just so you know. He would never dream I'd have the balls to do this. He'll come after you, too."

 

Harry gripped the counter hard. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, wary.

 

"He'll try to discredit you. He'll dig up whatever ugly, nasty dirt he can. If there's anything he can get evidence of, he'll use it against you."

 

Harry swallowed a bit. "I don't care," he said then, "I'm ready to do whatever it takes."

 

"Alright," Debra said, her voice almost sounding soft for once. "I'll take care of you, baby. I'm gonna get a huge settlement and momma's gonna take care of you. I'm gonna send you a credit card, ok? I'll make a nice little account for you. Just -- we can't spend like we used to, baby, you know?"

 

It was going to take some getting used to. This whole motherly thing was something new and the not spending as much as he liked. He sighed softly. "Yeah, ok." He hesitated for a moment. "Thanks, mom."

 

"You're welcome, baby. My lawyer will call you in a little bit. So, um... This... boy you're seeing? He nice?"

 

Harry smiled. "He's lovely. His name is Niall."

 

"Oh, that's... Ok, weird name. Nice to know you're... settling down. Or whatever." They had never connected well and apparently that was as much as Debra could take for one day. "Anyway, baby, you call me if you need anything, alright? We'll get through this."

 

Harry rolled his eyes a bit, but smiled nonetheless; he could tell his mother was trying. He said his goodbye and ended the call. He took a deep breath and leaned against the counter. He couldn't believe that his life had changed so much in the matter of hours, he just hoped it'd change for the better.

 

"Hey," Niall was behind him a hand on his shoulder. Apparently he'd heard it all. "You alright?"

 

Harry turned around and hugged Niall, nuzzling his neck. "Yeah...that was my mom," he said, still a bit amazed by that conversation. "I told her about what happened...she said she'd take care of it."

 

"Take care of it? Really? She can do that?" That sounded like fairy godmother fantasy stuff.

 

Harry pulled away, "No...well...she'll take him to court," he said and pushed his fingers through his hair, disrupting it. "He's not going to get away with being such a piece of shit."

 

Niall took Harry's hand, pleased that at least one of them might be able to make it through this alive. "Good... Good. He should be in jail, Harry." He pulled him close and nuzzled into his shoulder. "I'll testify if you need me to."

 

Harry sighed deeply and stuffed his face in Niall's neck. "I can't believe that he'd...he'd do something like this..."

 

Niall looped his arm around Harry's neck in turn. "He's a bad man, Harry. I'm so sorry... Your dad, he's... He's sick." He held him firmly. "What do you need, baby?" he asked, willing to do whatever the boy wanted. "Should we visit Amy another day?"

 

Harry nodded. "I want to take a long bath and then an even longer nap." He felt so exhausted in every sense of the word. "It's okay if we visit Amy tomorrow?"

 

Niall nodded. "Yeah. After school?" He stroked through Harry's curls. "Here, you stay with Louis and I'll go start the bath, alright?" He kissed Harry's cheek and very reluctantly parted from him to go upstairs.

 

Louis watched Harry for an awkward moment before he said, "I'm gonna hug you, ok?" It was too weird standing apart from him, knowing the pain he was in.

 

Harry smiled wanly. "I'm not stopping you."

 

Louis took him in his arms and squeezed him as if he was trying to merge their bodies together. "I know this looks bad and feels bad, Harry, but it's so much better for you to be away from that man. For you to face him."

 

"I don't understand how he could do this...he's supposed to be my dad." Harry was hurt and frustrated and even more so when he felt the tears sting. He covered his face with a hand and sniffled softly. "Great," he muttered sarcastically when the tears began to drop.

 

Louis smiled. "Go on, cry... It'll do you good." He kissed his curls.

 

Harry scoffed softly but did let the tears have free fall nonetheless, shoulders shaking slightly.

 

Louis held him tightly through it, stroking his back and his shoulders, giving him soft kisses and cooing gently in his ear. When Niall came down and saw them like that, he was almost afraid to approach; he knew how rare and precious it was for Harry to be vulnerable. "Hey, baby..." He spoke as if trying to soothe a frightened rabbit. "Bath's ready, if you want to come up..."

 

Harry got somewhat control of his tears and lifted his face, drying his wet eyes and cheeks. "Yeah," he muttered and pulled away from Louis, "thank you."

 

"Love you, Harry," Louis said, by way of saying ‘it's my pleasure'. Niall opened his arms, willing Harry into them, and walked him up the stairs. "Do you want me to bathe with you?"

 

"No, it's fine," Harry said, "I'll be ok." He needed some alone time with his own thoughts. He kissed Niall's temple and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

 

That made Niall a little nervous. He went back down and said to Louis, "He’s not going to do anything stupid, is he?"

 

"Like what?" Louis asked, worried.

 

Niall didn't want to say it, so he dragged his index finger across his wrists.

 

Louis' eyes widened a bit, "No!" he said, but looked unsure. "Well, I hope not. It's hard to tell when it comes to him." He swallowed a bit.

 

Niall just turned on his heel and went right back upstairs. "Harry? Baby?" he asked knocking on the door.

 

Harry had just gotten out of his clothes and was getting ready to get into the water. "Yes?"

 

"Baby, I don't want to make you uncomfortable.... But is there any way you could leave the door open?"

 

Harry blinked, confused for a moment but then he understood what Niall meant by that and rolled his eyes. "When I say I'll be fine, then I'll be fine, alright?"

 

Niall curled his fingers against the door and sighed; he took irritation as a good sign. "Ok... I thought I'd stop by and see Amy. Unless you want me to stay?"

 

"No, it's alright. I was just going to take a nap anyway." Harry sunk into the water and sighed as the warm water rolled over his body. "Tell her I said hi."

 

"Ok," Niall said. Then before he left, he said, loud enough to be heard, "I love you, Harry..."

 

That warmed up nearly all the cold places inside of Harry and he closed his eyes, smiling. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my friends.
> 
> Thank you for bearing through that with me. I hope none of you are as disturbed as I was, re-reading it. This story was written some time ago and I was in a different place in my life. It's difficult to not edit it, for various reasons, to be more aligned with who I am, now. But I owe it to Miraal to maintain its integrity.
> 
> This odd little soap opera is coming to an end, shortly. First off, please forgive me if my chapter count isn't exact -- it was an estimate from very early on. I'm so grateful you've all been on this journey with me. It's meant so much. I am grateful for each and every one of you.
> 
> How to reach us:
> 
> GV:  
> Tumblr: https://gvbutterworth.tumblr.com/
> 
> Miraal:  
> Kik: @Miraal07


	33. Chapter 33

 

After finishing up in the greenhouse, Zayn had decided that the most sensible thing to do was stay at Caleb's for his time remaining in the town, so he wouldn't lose too much money on motel rooms or whatever else shelter. He showed up at Caleb's apartment around evening, nervous and fidgety. After all, Caleb might have recinded his offer.

 

Caleb's heart leapt when he heard the knocks at the door. He had been watching The Walking Dead and trying to numb himself, but the potential company electrified him. He knew who it was beyond the shadow of a doubt and he swung the door open, unashamed of his enthusiasm. "Hi!" he said cheerily. "I didn't think you were coming back!"

 

Zayn was surprised by this reception and he stood staring for a few moments. "Um...yeah...sorry for leaving without a word this morning," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just had a lot on my mind."

 

"It's alright," Caleb said. "Come in, I was just... You watch this show? Might be a bit grim. Are you hungry?" Zayn's reappearance made very clear to Caleb how lonely he truly was.

 

Zayn trailed after him into the apartment. He shot a look at the screen and smiled. "I love that show. I haven't been able to watch it lately." With all the drama in his life. "And yeah, I'm a little hungry. Thank you." He gingerly sat down on the couch.

 

Caleb smiled, so warmed. "Hair's getting a little long," he said going into the kitchen. "Want me to cut it?" He had been pleased to dine only on cold cereal and popcorn that evening, but since he had company, he found himself suddenly inspired to cook. He had some vegetables, rice, a little chicken and he decided to make them some stir fry.

 

"Maybe I'll grow it long enough so I can braid it," Zayn replied, rising from where he’d sat and following Caleb into the kitchen.

 

Caleb smiled at him. "That'd be beautiful. Chicken alright? You allergic to anything?"

 

"Not that I know of," Zayn said and walked closer. "Do you need some help?" He used to help his mother a lot in the kitchen and he ignored the sting those memories caused.

 

"Well," Caleb said, concocting something, "want to get out a pan and boil the water for the rice?" He pointed at the cupboard where he kept his small arrangement of pans. "Think you'll be staying with me again tonight?"

 

"Um...only if that's alright with you," he said and pulled out the pan, pouring water into it.

 

"Yeah," Caleb smiled, keeping his eyes on the vegetables he was cutting so Zayn couldn't see just how pleased he was. "Yeah, that's alright." He prattled on, knowing Zayn tended toward silence. He told him about the work he'd done in school, about all the chemistry involved in hair dye. "It's a wonder any of it looks natural." They ate on the couch, watching television that was far too bloody for people to be eating at the same time, and when it was over, Caleb turned to him and said, "I can set up the sofa bed again, if you like. But you're welcome in mine."

 

Zayn smiled. "Thank you. Really. I appreciate it. Actually, I brought you something." He got to his feet and went to his coat hung in the hallway before returning with a small baggie of his weed. "I'm not sure if you smoke," he said, unsure if this was even a good idea, "but it's really good." He gave it to Caleb and said with unhidden pride, "I grew it myself."

 

"Oh, really?" Caleb laughed softly. "Um... I actually haven't smoked since high school..." He looked at Zayn with open curiosity, "Is this what you do? You grow weed?"

 

Zayn nodded, "Yeah and my friend Niall, the blonde one from the other night. We began doing it in our sophomore year. He's really good at selling it."

 

"How entrepreneurial of you." Caleb looked at the baggie in his hand. "What the hell?" he said with a shrug. "Maybe it’ll help me sleep, let's light up!"

 

Zayn grinned. He quickly and expertly rolled up a joint and lit it, letting Caleb have the first hit.

 

"Let's see if I remember how to do this," he said, as he put it to his lips. The drug didn't hit him immediately. He handed it back to Zayn. "That tastes good -- fresh." And it was while his arm was still extended, it started to take over... the blurry dizziness, the coziness of his own body. "Wow..."

 

Zayn looked extremely pleased and proud. "Yeah, it's good, huh?" he said with a grin and took a drag of it as well, settling back into the comfortable couch and closing his eyes.

 

Caleb took another hit, a smaller one this time. "I should've unfolded the bed out," he said, his speech slower. "In case we fall asleep here."

 

Zayn smiled and made himself comfortable. "Mmm," he hummed in response and opened his eyes, turning to look at Caleb. "How come you don't have a boyfriend?" he asked curiously. Caleb was handsome and nice. There wasn't anything to dislike.

 

"Uhh..." The man flashed a smile, but like a lens flare, it only lasted an instant. "I'm not good in relationships... I have a lot of self-doubt. And when I'm in a relationship, it's just crippling. So... I just don't think I'm suited to them. But I like connecting with people." He reached out and patted Zayn's hand affectionately.

 

Zayn rested his head against the cushion and smiled a bit. "I'm not a people person," he said and took a drag before handing it to Caleb. "I don't like talking to people I don't know unless I absolutely have to...but I like you...you're pretty cool."

 

Caleb let his head rest back against the same cushion. "I think you're pretty cool, too. I think you're brave," he said bluntly. "I think you're a brave kid."

 

Zayn laughed softly. "Nah… I'm an awkward, anti-social, disturbed teenage drug dealer. I'm a bit of a mess, really."

 

"Well, who wasn't at one point or another?" Caleb scoffed warmly.

 

Zayn smiled. "I can’t wait to move past this point."

 

"You will..." Caleb tipped his hand back, tickling Zayn's cheek. "You will. One day it'll just be a memory." He blinked blissfully at his friend. "What do you want, Zayn?"

 

Zayn leaned into the touch, blinking back lazily. "What do you mean?"

 

"To make you happy? What do you want to make you happy?" Caleb felt so comfortably stoned, he wasn't certain he was putting his words in the right order or not.

 

Zayn blinked again. "My family; and Niall."

 

"Is Niall your friend?"

 

"Yeah...I lost him... then I got him back. Kind of...he's got other friends now and a boyfriend and it's just not the same anymore." Zayn admitted to himself that he missed when it was just Niall and him; missed when he came before anyone else.

 

Caleb turned on his side and curled up like a child to face Zayn. "But that always happens when people pair off -- unless you pair off together."

 

"That shouldn't happen though," Zayn muttered. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "He fell in love with me and I couldn't...that kind of broke us, y'know? It's never going to be the same again."

 

"Ooohhhhhhh," Caleb let out a long sigh of realization, reaching for the joint again. "Yeah. That'll do it." He indulged in another hit.

 

"That's when he made new friends and I made a new friend as well...until karma hit me hard and I fell in love with him," Zayn gave a bitter scoff and took the joint. He hadn't really talked this out with anyone before, but now that he had begun, he couldn't stop himself. The words poured out. "He was still hung up on his ex and then he got back together with him...after we had sex for three days straight…that was like a bullet to the chest and I told him I couldn't be friends with him anymore."

 

Caleb cringed for him. "Shit, Zayn... That's rough... I guess that was between the first time I met you and now, huh?"

 

Zayn nodded with a deep sigh. "See? I'm a miserable mess. Like everything that could go wrong in my life went wrong in a matter of weeks."

 

"That's not true," Caleb said. "Well, maybe it is... But maybe things going wrong aren't as bad as all that." Caleb took a deep breath. "When I got out of high school, my friend and I had this really cool online site where we would go around to local or underground artists and get their stuff seen and sell it, right? He was great with computers and I was really into art, knew some people-- Anyway, a little over a year ago, I find out he's embezzling. Thousands of dollars, he's claiming art has gone missing and he's selling it behind my back, it was... Everything just went completely balls up. Company went bankrupt... I'm still paying off that debt, lost all of my contacts, obviously. Some of my clients thought I was just as crooked as Matt. A lot of them threatened legal action that could’ve put me in jail." He paused, looking at the ceiling. "That was when the crippling self-doubt set in." He snorted. "So I just thought... fuck it: Hairdressing. Nothing can go wrong cutting someone's hair." He reached for the spliff. "I was wrong about that, too, but at least it grows back and it doesn't cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars..." He winced. "What the hell was I talking about? Oh! Yeah... Sometimes everything going to hell just means you'll be uncomfortable for a while. But that doesn't mean it's the end."

 

Zayn stared at Caleb. He had not expected something like that at all and he felt a little bad that he found it cool. "Yeah," he said and managed a smile. "Maybe you're right. It just never seems like it when you stand with shit up to your ears. But yeah, I'm holding on to that things might get better, even though I can't imagine how."

 

"What are you talking about?" Caleb looked as shocked as someone stoned off his ass could be. "A few nights ago, you had nowhere to sleep, now you have this gorgeous palace to rest your ass in!" He held his arms open to indicate his apartment. "And new friends," he put his hand on his own chest. "I'd say things are definitely landing frosting-side-up for you, man!"

 

Zayn actually laughed. "You're right. This is a pretty cool apartment." He looked around and nodded, "Yeah, I like it a lot."

 

"You're welcome to stay." Caleb's grin was soupy. "I should give you my number so... Y'know. If you sneak off in the morning, you could text me, 'It's not personal, and you smell great' or something." His grin became boyish and snarky.

 

Zayn grinned back. He stared at Caleb. "Thank you," he said softly. "Maybe I'll be able to pay you back some day."

 

"You don't owe me anything. Just... y'know, ask me if you need money. I'll give it to you..." he didn't want to outright tell Zayn not to steal, but the truth was, he didn't know this kid. Even his inebriated mind knew he was half-mad.

 

Zayn lifted a brow, slightly amused. "I won't," he said and held up the joint, "this sells pretty well."

 

"Yeah, I can imagine it does," Caleb laughed. "It's amazing... You know... I might actually be able to go to sleep tonight..." The sofa felt like paradise beneath him and his mind had slowed in ways it usually couldn't.

 

Zayn smiled. He curled up in the couch, looking soft and cuddly. "I'm glad it helps you," he said. "I'll bring you more if you'd like."

 

"That might be nice," Caleb cuddled back at him. "Where do you want to sleep tonight? Not to be presumptuous."

 

"I fall asleep anywhere," Zayn said, smiling. "Wherever you'd like me."

 

Well, that was too open. And Caleb was too gentlemanly to say 'of course I want you in my bed tonight', so he said, "Let's just pull out the trundle bed, so you can... So you can fall asleep out here if you like..." He started getting to his feet and felt like he was mounting giraffe legs.

 

Zayn raised a brow at him. "It'd be a lot better if you just asked for what you really wanted," he said and got to his feet, stretching. "But alright, I'll sleep in the trundle bed."

 

"Crippling self-doubt," Caleb reminded him. "Do you want to curl up in my-- No, wait. I mean: I would like to curl up in my bed with you."

 

"Ok. I'd like that." Zayn said easily. It'd been so long since he'd cuddled up to anyone and he felt a little lonely.

 

"Let's go before I... can't." That definitely felt possible. He made sure the joint was snubbed out properly and he put it in the little baggy because he definitely wanted the leftovers. Then he leaned on Zayn's shoulder as they went down the hall, the weed making him feel like he was floating. In the bedroom he slowly stripped out of his clothes and brushed his teeth, pleased to see that Zayn had a little travel bag with him with a few amenities. "You have everything you need? Clothes? That kind of stuff?"

 

Zayn hummed. "Most of my things are still in my room," he said and sighed softly. "I'm contemplating sneaking in and getting at least my favorite leather jacket. You think that'd be a good idea?"

 

Caleb recalled Zayn's father's face and didn't like the idea of him going back there for all the world. "Maybe send a friend over to collect some things?"

 

Zayn thought about it. "They wouldn't know where to find it...my room is messy. I'll just go there a weekend they are away or maybe I'll have my sister get it."

 

"Sister," Caleb voted, stripping down to his boxers and wobbling over to his perfectly made bed. "You're still friends with her?"

 

Zayn crawled into the bed after him and curled up on it. "Yeah. We had a lot of disagreements but when we really needed each other we were always for there for each other. She calls me every day. Though my youngest sister doesn't quite understand why I'm gone and nobody has told her. Breaks my heart."

 

Caleb sighed. He dropped an arm out on the expanse of blue sheets between them, inviting Zayn to cuddle against his chest.

 

Zayn didn't hesitate to shuffle close to Caleb, cuddling against him. He sighed deeply. "God, I miss them so much."

 

"It won't necessarily be like this forever," Caleb told him, nuzzling into his jet black hair and enclosing him in his arms. "This isn't the end, Zayn. It's never the end until it's -- y'know, the end."

 

"It still feels like it," Zayn muttered, trying to find comfort in the steady rhythm of Caleb's heartbeat. "I know that maybe some time from now, it'll get better, but right now, it fucking hurts."

 

"Yeah," Caleb said, holding him tighter. "Yeah, I know," he said quietly.

 

Zayn was grateful for Caleb. He really was and yes, the world had brought Caleb into his life to completely shatter it but it'd also brought him back when he needed it the most. He closed his eyes, lashes fluttering against Caleb's chest. "Thank you."

 

Caleb tucked his chin to kiss Zayn's forehead. "My pleasure."

 

~*~

 

Niall and Louis sat together in front of a blaring TV, neither of them really watching it. Niall slumped, leaning into Louis as far as he could, just listening to the sound of the bathroom to hear when Harry would be coming out.

 

Harry used a long time in the bath tub, staring ahead, his thoughts running through his head. He felt numb in a way he had never felt before and he also felt scared. He didn't know where he'd go from here, if this whole 'revival' of his bond with his mother would even work out. A part of him, the ever suspicious part, suspected that his mother maybe only was doing this for her own benefit. She had never seemed to care that much before. His skin had turned wrinkly when he finally got up and dried himself off. He walked down the stairs, looking simultaneously younger and older than he was.

 

As soon as he came down the stairs, Niall perked up. "Hey..." He said softly, reaching for his boy. "We’ve made a bit of a nest if you want to come cuddle.”

 

Harry hesitated for a moment, before he squeezed into the space between Niall and Louis.

 

Louis immediately ran a gentle hand through his damp hair. "Alright?"

 

Harry gave a wry smile. "Been better."

 

"We were just watching some--" Niall hesitated and looked at the screen. "What the hell are we watching?"

 

Louis looked up and laughed when he saw some crappy, reality show running. He reached for the TV and began zapping through the channels. "Stop me if you see something you'd like to watch." Harry stared emptily at the screen, resting his curly head on Niall's shoulder.

 

Niall curled around him and kissed his forehead. "Can I do anything for you?" he whispered. "We have cocoa. I think Louis has a few stuffed animals in the closet... Anything?"

 

Harry snorted softly. "Stuffed animals? Are you serious?"

 

Louis raised a brow. "Do you remember that time I caught you sleeping and cuddling with that huge teddy bear?"

 

Harry's pale cheeks got some color. "Shut up," he muttered.

 

Louis smirked. "It was so cute, I had to take a picture."

 

Harry's eyes shot to him. "I will burn you and everything you love, Louis Tomlinson."

 

Niall took a sharp inhale of breath. "Oh my god, so cute! I want to see it! Oh, Harry, I bet you were adorable!" He was absolutely sincere. The very thought of it gave him cuddle bunnies in his tummy.

 

Louis grinned. "Cutest thing ever," he said as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through the millions of photos in it before he found it. "Here!" he said and showed it to Niall. Harry would've snapped the phone and smashed it against the wall, but right now, he really couldn't bother. So he just settled for a scowl.

 

Niall melted to a pudding. "Oh, my God, Harry. I've never been more in love with you than I am right now."

 

Both Harry and Louis stared at Niall. Both nearly equally thrilled; Harry a little more so. He smiled softly and tilted his face, kissing Niall's chin. "It's not as cute as it looks. Passed out after one too many shots."

 

"Wild night," Louis said.

 

"Don't ruin this for me," Niall said, enchanted with the image on the phone. "Do you still have this teddy?"

 

"I think I have it stashed somewhere," Louis said. "I can send you the picture."

 

"Do!" Niall said, finally willing to relinquish the phone. "That's my favorite picture ever." He looked up at Harry to see if he was going to make something of it.

 

Louis tapped a few times on his phone. "Done."

 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Don't take pictures of me without my permission." He kicked Louis in the side.

 

"I have a whole folder on my computer of pictures of you when you aren't looking," Louis said with a manic grin. Harry had a feeling he wasn't kidding. "Stalker," he muttered and Louis kissed his temple. "You love me."

 

Niall did curl his arms around Harry a bit possessively and give Louis a half-stink-eye. "I am the one who gets to take sneaky photos of Harry, now," he snarked. Before Louis could retaliate, however, the doorbell rang.

 

Louis was surprised and amused. "I'll be right back," he said and got to his feet, skipping to the door and opening it.

 

Liam was there, smiling down at him with a bright, open face. "Hey... I hope you don't mind, thought I'd surprise you." He pulled a video game box out from behind his back. It was Destiny, the game that Louis had been excited about for weeks and it had a pretty little yellow ribbon tied around it.

 

Louis' whole face lit up. "Oh my God!" He ripped the game to him and stared at it. He'd wanted this for ages. "I love you!" He cried and jumped on Liam, hugging him and kissing all over his face. "You're perfect, babe."

 

Niall watched, his grip tightening around Harry a little bit. He still was not entirely pleased with Liam, despite the fact that Louis seemed so happy with him. He tucked into Harry's side, knowing there was some friction there, too.

 

Liam collected Louis up in his arms and nuzzled and kissed him back. "You free to play right now?"

 

Harry tensed too, jaw clenching a little bit as he threw a glance at Liam. That guy got on his nerves and he was the last thing he needed right now--or any other time.

 

Louis completely forgot about Harry and Niall for a few moments, lost in the warmth of Liam's eyes. "Yes!" He took Liam's hand and dragged him inside, though stopped short when he saw Harry and Niall. "Uhm...maybe not. We should do it another time."

 

Liam stopped in his tracks at the sight of the two boys on the sofa. "Oh..." he swallowed and composed himself. "Hello," he said civilly and Niall could see his eyes going over them, hunting for information.

 

"Hi," Niall said back, trying, for Louis' sake, to not be stony.

 

Harry didn't even bother. He just gave Louis a look that clearly said 'get him the fuck out'.  Louis bit the inside of his cheek, tripping a bit on his feet, conflicted. He turned to Liam and put a hand against his chest, looking apologetic. "I'll call you."

 

Liam looked down at his love and nodded, then he looked back at Niall and blurted out, "I'm so sorry about everything that happened with Zayn -- I didn't mean for it to go like that. I never meant to hurt him." Part of him still harbored so much guilt about the other boy and seeing Niall there made him hungry for forgiveness.

 

Niall just stared at him a little blankly for a few moments before he blinked himself free of it. "Oh... Um... Ok. Ok."

 

Despite the pressure of Louis' hand on his chest, Liam persisted: "Is he ok? Did he find some place safe?"

 

"Yeah," Niall said, sensing a near frenzy in Liam that the sight of him must have kicked off. "Yeah, a guy took him in... Zayn says he's nice."

 

Harry rolled his eyes and tucked into Niall's chest, trying to ignore Liam's presence all together. Louis could feel a million other questions on the tip of Liam's tongue and he forced his boyfriend to look at him. "Liam. He's alright. We'll talk later, ok?"

 

Liam looked down at Louis, concern on his face, and he whispered, "Are they ok?" He wasn't blind. This looked like a wake. He'd never seen Harry Styles look so knocked off his feet.

 

Louis glanced at the boys and shook his head. "No," he whispered back and began tugging Liam away. "It's a long story."

 

"Louis," Liam bemoaned, taking Louis' hands in his. "Don't... Just... What happened? Please?" He didn't like leaving Louis here, knowing that something was definitely wrong.

 

Louis sighed and glanced back at Harry and Niall. "I'll just walk Liam out," he called before he dragged Liam outside, closing the door behind him. He shivered in his thin shirt. "Remember Harry's creepy daddy?" Liam knew about that, Louis had talked to him about it one of many nights that the way Mr. Styles looked at Harry made Louis nervous and worried.

 

"Yes," Liam replied, apprehensive.

 

"What do you know about Niall's...job?" Louis studied Liam. He wasn't whether Zayn had told him about that or not.

 

"Um... I know he sells stuff with Zayn... Y'know, like... illegal... weed stuff..."

 

Louis hoped Niall wouldn't be angry with him. He took a deep breath. "He is...was sleeping with Mr. Styles for money," he said quietly and realized it's the first time he said it out loud. It sounded bad. "To pay for his dying sister's medical bills," he quickly added.

 

Liam took a staggered step back and his hands came up to squeeze his own skull. "Whoooaaaaaaa!" He winced hard, his hands over his face, the main question on his mind being how they, three well-to-do, generally clean kids, had gotten themselves entangled with people like these. "They... They... Oh, holy cow. And they're still together?"

 

Louis nodded, amazed himself. He'd been so sure that Harry would drop Niall in the blink of an eye and had been shocked when he came back. "Yeah, it's a bit surreal." Louis blinked. "He found out last night and went to confront his dad. I don't know the details of what happened but he returned with tear stains and bruises on his throat. Apparently his dad cut him off and his mother is planning to take Mr. Styles to court. It's a mess."

 

Liam's hand went over his mouth. "Holy cow," he said again, muffled this time. "Holy cow... What... What... What can I do?"

 

Louis shook his head. "I don't think there's anything you can do, babe," he said with a sigh. "I'm just scared. His dad is like...psycho. What if he comes for Harry and hurts him?"

 

Liam's eyes dropped to the pavement. "Holy cow... I mean, I never... I never liked Harry, but I would never wish something like this on him... I don't -- Louis, I can't leave you here, now. Not if you think there's the possibility of someone showing up that might hurt you..."

 

Louis shivered a bit. Harry's father could so easily show up on his doorstep and it terrified him. He grabbed Liam's arm. “You can't stay. I'm sorry. Harry doesn't like you being around and I have to make space for him. You have to understand, Liam."

 

"Louis, if you're in danger, I'm not leaving!"

 

Louis closed his eyes. "I'm asking you to," he said softly. "Please. I'm not in danger. His father isn't an idiot. If he really hurt Harry, it'd ruin him. He knows that."

 

Liam closed his eyes. "I can't believe this is happening, I can't believe this..." He sighed. "I love you, Lou. I don't like being apart from you when things are... y'know... rocky."

 

Louis hugged Liam tight and nuzzled into his neck. "I'm going to be alright. I promise. I'll call you, alright?"

 

"First thing tomorrow morning, alright?" That was the only concession Liam could make right now. "If not sooner."

 

Louis nodded. "Promise." He leaned in and kissed Liam reassuringly. "I love you."

 

"I love you, too... And... don't hesitate if you need anything... Any of you, alright? I'll... I'll do a supply run for Harry freaking Styles in the middle of the night if I have to, ok?" He laughed softly, but it was clear he was sincere.

 

Louis smiled. "You're amazing, you know that?" he said and pecked Liam on the lips. "Ok. I'll call you if I need anything. Now, go." He gave him a gentle nudge.

 

His feet were heavy, but Liam did so, throwing several backwards glances over his shoulder and fighting with himself.

 

~*~

 

After Louis had taken Liam outside, Niall curled his fingers tighter in Harry's shirt. "Do you think he's telling him right now?"

 

"What else would he be doing," Harry grumbled, displeased. He didn't like the idea of anyone knowing about this.

 

Niall winced and ducked his face into Harry's curls. "I don't-- I don't want everyone knowing I'm a whore..."

 

Harry winced as well. He tilted his face and kissed Niall's face. "Don't worry, Liam is practically nobody."

 

"He's my best friend's boyfriend..." Niall rubbed his hand over his face. "He's... He's not someone I want knowing that about me..."

 

"I thought Zayn was your best friend," Harry commented off-handedly.

 

"Well, he is. Louis is my other best friend. Or, I guess he's my roommate, now." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I just...I guess everyone's going to know about me soon -- it'll all come out in court, huh?"

 

Harry's stomach curled at the thought of court. "It doesn't have to, if you don't want to," he said softly. "I wouldn't make you do anything you didn't want."

 

"If it would help you, I would," Niall said, nuzzling him sweetly.

 

Harry smiled half-heartedly. "We'll see how it goes."

 

Just as Niall was leaning in to kiss him, he heard the door open and Louis pop back inside.

 

Louis walked in, looking a bit sheepish. Harry eyed him for a second and sighed. "Told him everything, didn't you?" Louis looked a bit guilty and looked at Niall with wide eyes, "I had to."

 

Niall couldn't hide his disappointment and his sigh was from the belly. "Jesus. What he must think of me now."

 

"He knows you did what you had to do," Louis said quickly and came forward, carefully sitting down next to Niall. "It's all over now. Things will get better."

 

Niall wasn't so certain about that, but he certainly didn't want to say anything discouraging in front of Harry. He stroked his boyfriend's curls and said, "What do you want to do, baby? Stay here and snuggle? Watch something? Maybe Louis could start a fire in the fireplace upstairs and we could all get in bed and snuggle.”

 

"I feel like I should be doing something more useful than sitting around," Harry said quietly.

 

“Tomorrow we’ll go see my sister,” Niall said. “That will brighten your spirits.”

 

~*~

 

Amy looked slightly revived when Niall and Harry walked in. Her eyes went critically over Harry and it wasn't clear that she approved.

 

Harry had prepared himself, but he was still surprised at how small and fragile the girl was; she looked like her bones were made of glass. He saw the way she scanned him and he went with a big, charming, dimply smile. "Amy," he said and approached. "I've heard so much about you."

 

"Hello," she said, her skepticism on her face. Niall had done everything he could to assure her Harry was a good man, a wonderful catch, but he could tell she was looking at Harry as simply the 'temporary replacement'.

 

Harry wasn't deterred and pulled a chair up, sitting down by her side and smiling at her. "I've heard you're a bit of a reader," he said and glanced at the stack of books on the table. "Did you like the books I told Niall to give you?"

 

"Yes," she said, remembering her manners. "Thank you." Niall approached Harry and placed his hand on his shoulder, so grateful he was being aggressively friendly.

 

"Good, because I brought you more," he said and placed a small gift bag with a few books on the table next to her. He was sure she'd crack sooner than later; people tended to do that around him.

 

Her smile was gentle and sweet, although she remained guarded. "Thank you, Harry, that's very kind." Of course Niall hadn't told him about the somewhat lengthy conversation they'd had in which Amy had tried to convince him that after the rejection from Zayn, what he needed was time to be alone, not to run off with other boys, trying to hide his wounds. "You didn't have to do that."

 

"I wanted to," Harry said. "There aren’t many girls your age who enjoy reading." He glanced at Niall briefly. "When was the last time you went outside this hospital?" he asked, turning his gaze back on Amy.

 

"It's been months. My nurse sometimes takes me outside to the courtyard, but I haven't been well enough to leave the grounds for some time." She looked up at her brother, then. "I'm very excited. Thank you both."

 

Harry couldn’t imagine what that was like. He wasn't an out-doors person, but he liked to know the option to go out was available whenever he wanted. "Our pleasure. Let's get you out of here then."

 

The nurses came in to help get Amy situated in her wheelchair and make sure that she had all she needed to keep her comfortable. Niall took Harry aside and said softly, "I'm sorry, Harry, I should have told you, she... She really liked the idea of me and... Zayn. That was hard on her. But she'll break through."

 

Harry had figured as much and it annoyed him more than he would show. "Yeah, I know," he glanced at her. "Does she even know he's leaving?"

 

"No, I didn't... I didn't tell her that. She likes to think he'll come to visit her." Niall huffed heavily. "She'll come around, Harry, I promise."

 

Harry ran a hand through his hair. "Ok," he said and nodded. He took a deep breath, before he plastered a smile on his lips and walked back to Amy, grabbing the handles of her wheelchair. "Ready?"

 

"Yes," she smiled at him, friendly enough. Then she took Niall's hand and kissed the back of it. "Let's go..." Niall smiled and held her hand as Harry wheeled her through the halls. Niall held her hand still as they got in the hospital van that drove them from the hospital to the zoo. He kept giving Harry reassuring smiles as Amy dozed on Niall's shoulder.

 

Harry had never been particularly fond of zoos; he found them dirty and boring, but he was willing to at least try to have a good time for Amy's sake. Amy looked absolutely thrilled to be here and Harry asked if she wanted an ice cream.

 

"I can't eat ice cream, but thank you, Harry... " She mostly wanted to see the great cats and the apes. She sat in front of the snow leopard exhibit for a good 15 minutes. Niall had been holding his bladder in agony for about 10 of those minutes and eventually he said, "I'm so sorry, I've gotta take a slash. Harry, look after her, yeah?" before he leapt up and dashed off.

 

Niall was gone before Harry could protest. He felt a bit awkward to be left alone with her and he glanced at her, clearing his throat a bit. "Do you want to go see something else?"

 

Amy tipped her head in the wheel chair to look at him rather pointedly. "You seem like such a nice boy, Harry," she said softly. "But are you certain that you and my brother are a good match?"

 

Harry stared at her. He had not expected that one. He swallowed a bit. "Yes," he said confidently, "I love your brother, Amy. I'd do anything for him."

 

"But he can't... He can't... Harry, it hasn't..." She swallowed and looked out at the leopards, as if they could help her with what she wanted to say. "He should be with Zayn."

 

Harry bit the inside of his cheek, trying very hard to be patient. "Look, I know you've had this vision of Zayn and Niall being together and living happily ever after, but that's not going to happen. Zayn doesn't love Niall like I do."

 

"But Niall loves Zayn," Amy said softly, clearly intending to be as gentle as possible, but needing to say this.

 

That stung quite a bit. "He loves me," Harry said him, but there was a twinge of uncertainty in his voice.

 

Amy lowered her eyes. "He can't," she said softly. "He can't. After loving Zayn like he did, there is no way he could... I'm sorry, Harry, there is no way his heart could switch so fast. ..." She was quiet a few beats. "I'm so sorry, Harry. But I'm dying. I have to speak my mind."

 

And the seed of doubt was planted. The thought that Niall had just told him that because he felt sorry for him or to keep him after what happened with his scumbag father crossed Harry's mind and once it did, it was stuck there. He didn't say anything for a few beats. "So he can't be with anyone if it isn't Zayn? Zayn who is in love with someone else and is leaving town?"

 

"What?" Hollow, frightened eyes swung to Harry. "What did you say?"

 

Harry realized that he'd fucked up and backtracked. "Uhm...just wishful thinking." He said with a nervous laugh.

 

"Tell me," she said, so small and frail but with a bright internal flame. "Harry, just fucking tell me."

 

Niall was going to kill him. Harry let out a small groan and dragged a hand down his face. "He was caught with a boy and his family threw him out. And he's in love with someone who is in love with someone else. So he's running away."

 

"Hey!" Niall said, running up to them a little breathless. He had a stuffed snow leopard in his hands and he knelt down to put it in Amy's lap. "Sorry that took so long... I got this for you." He took a look between the two of them and saw Amy collect the toy up in her arms and press it against her face. "What... What were you talking about?"

 

Harry stared at Amy and swallowed hard. "Uhm..." he trailed off, not sure what to say or do. He wished the ground would open up and swallow him so he didn't have to deal with this. "...just...the animals..."

 

Niall wasn't stupid. "Amy... Amy did you say something--?" He knew Harry wouldn't. Even though Harry certainly had a discourteous side, he knew Harry would never show it to his ailing sister. There was a small sniff from behind the stuffed leopard. "I'm sorry, Niall," she said softly. "It's... I'm sorry." Niall took her in his arms and held her against his chest, letting her hide behind the toy. "What happened?" he asked her, and though his arms were gentle his voice was stern. The girl only squeaked, so Niall looked at Harry. "Harry, what happened?"

 

Harry felt guilty stabbing him everywhere and he wished he could keep his mouth shut when needed. He'd made a little, dying girl cry. Jesus. He really wasn't the best guy. He couldn't meet Niall's eyes when he said, "I...uhm...I told her about Zayn:"

 

"What, told her what about Zayn?"

 

"Is he leaving? Is he really leaving?" Amy peeked up at him past white fur.

 

"Wh- NO! Amy, no, he'll be here. If you need him, he'll be here. He's not leaving." He gave Harry a bit of a look.

 

"Don't be angry at him," Amy said softly. "I ... I said some nasty things. I provoked him."

 

Harry stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked away. "If Niall says he isn't leaving then he probably isn't," he said quietly, feebly trying for some damage-control. "He knows him better than I do."

 

Niall sighed and looked down at his baby sister. "He's not leaving. Amy, don't worry about that. I'll make him come see you tomorrow and tell you for himself, alright?" That made her eyes brighten and the color come back to her face almost immediately. "Really?"

 

"Yeah. Yeah, Amy, I swear. Let's take you to go see the gorillas, and I'll text him right away. Does that make you feel better?"

 

"Yes," she said softly, stroking her stuffed leopard.

 

"Alright, then..." Niall smiled at her and rose to his feet. He took the handlebars as his wheelchair and as he did, gave Harry a penetrating stare to try to deduce the damage done to him.

 

Harry didn't meet Niall's eyes, just stared at his boots. It was obvious that Zayn would always be the Horans' favorite and he'd always be second best no matter what he did. This day was officially ruined and he wanted to be somewhere else.

 

They weren't at the park much longer. They sat with the gorillas, who were fun and lively and Niall held Harry's hand as much as Harry would let him. He knew something had happened and it was killing him but he felt incapable of undoing it.

 

As the day concluded and they finally left the zoo and climbed into the hospital van, Harry was relieved; it was hard pretending like he wasn't wishing himself far away from there.

 

Once Amy was safely in her hospital bed and she and Niall had enacted their farewell ritual, Niall found himself in an awkward silence in Harry's car. The day hadn't been any easier for him, knowing that Harry had been so upset but not knowing why. "What did she say? Please tell me," he said, as Harry pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

 

Harry didn't answer for a long moment and just as Niall was about to say something, he said, "She told that you were still in love with Zayn and you weren't capable of loving anyone else the same way."

 

Niall gawked. "I never said that to her. Harry, I never told her any of that, she made that up on her own."

 

Harry licked his dry lips. "It got me thinking though," he said quietly. "I tried to put myself in your shoes; pretend that I've been in love with you for years and I couldn't have you and had to settle for someone else...I wouldn't be in love with that someone else either."

 

"It's not settling," Niall said, apparent tension in his voice. "I'm not settling with you, Harry! I've known... I've known Zayn couldn't love me for a long time. Ages, Harry, this wasn't news to me. I mean, yeah, I had a brief flash of hope, but... You're... you're my baby..." He reached out and stroked Harry's curls behind his ear. "You're my baby."

 

Harry shook Niall's hand off of him irritated. "Stop," he said through gritted teeth; for the first time that pet name irritated him greatly. "You're still in love with him."

 

"I don't know, Harry..." Niall swallowed. "I really don't know. And it doesn't matter, because as soon as Amy dies, he's leaving town."

 

"You are," Harry insisted. "And if you haven't gotten over him for the past many years, then you're never going to get over him."

 

"That's not fair, Harry! That's not fair to me, you don't get to tell me how I feel!"

 

"You wanna know what isn't fucking fair?" Harry snapped. "You lying to me! How can you look me in the eye and tell me you love me when you are still in love with him!?"

 

"Because I love you!" Niall roared, slamming his hand into the dash. "My sister isn't the fucking authority of what I feel! Harry, have I ever said anything just to make you happy? Have I? No! I've almost made it a habit of saying the exact opposite of what you want me to say! Look, I..." he dropped his tone a bit. "I know that... That it feels different coming from her, but she's... She's a scared kid dying, Harry. She's not an oracle, she doesn't know. And she likes Zayn. She likes Zayn, she was comfortable leaving if she thought I was going to be with Zayn and I... I ruined that, but it's her, Harry. It's her fear, it's her... It's her... Harry, her saying that is just about her, not about me, do you understand?"

 

Harry pulled up in front of Louis' apartment and stared stiffly forward, fingers clenching around the steering wheel as he tried very hard to keep himself calm. "I'm going to ask you a question," he said, voice tense. "And you're going to be honest with me, ok?"

 

Niall winced. He knew what was coming and he didn't want to be a part of it. "Ok," he said, feeling trapped.

 

Harry took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He turned to look Niall in the eye and forced himself to ask, "If Zayn showed up on the door step and told he you he loved you and wanted you to go with him. Would you? Would you leave with him?" Harry could see what Niall was about to say, "Don't say that'll never happen. I'm asking you if it did happen."

 

"Don't," Niall shook his head. "That’s not... You can't do that. You can't hold evidence of hypotheticals against me. You can't, Harry. You can't indict me on fantasy evidence."

 

"I just need you to say what I already know. Just say it; say you'd choose him over me, Niall, because we both know you would."

 

"That doesn't mean anything, Harry. It doesn't. You're torturing yourself over the impossible, ok? Harry... Harry, please..." Niall reached for him again, needing to see something gentle and affectionate in the boy.

 

"It fucking does mean something," Harry snapped. "I don't know if I believe anything you even say anymore. I already know what kind of secrets you can keep from me!"

 

That made Niall go stony. He turned his eyes from Harry then and stared out at the road. He couldn't imagine how anything his sister said could warrant this much of an attack. "So... So, what, Harry? You don't want to be with me?"

 

Harry regretted that and turned away, covering his face with a hand, sighing deeply. He was just a mess; a very insecure one, apparently. "I just..." he swallowed, "...I hate feeling like your second-choice."

 

"Oh, Harry..." Niall lamented, still feeling like Harry might rebuff him or he would reach for him again. "I can't... I can't undo the past. I can't undo what happened between me and Zayn... I can't..." He sighed. "I don't want you to feel this way. And I know we're still new. Will you... Will you give me time to prove it to you? You don't trust me telling you, so will you.... Would you be willing to give me the time to prove it to you?"

 

Harry looked at Niall for a few seconds before he nodded. "I'm sorry," he said softly and took Niall's hand. "I love you. A lot. And I don't want to lose you. I don't think I'd be able to bear that."

 

Niall greedily soaked up Harry's affection and apology and he pulled the boy's head to him and kissed his curls. "It's ok. It's ok. You're my baby," he said, nuzzling into his hair and kissing his scalp. "Let's go inside and get you warm." As he was trundling Harry up the front steps, he heard his cellphone vibrate with a text. He suspected it was a return text from Zayn, responding to Niall's request that he visit Amy.

 

Harry opened the door into the apartment as Niall pulled his phone out. It was a response from Zayn, 'Yeah, sure. Is everything alright?'

 

'No.' Niall texted back. 'You need to reassure her. She adores you.'

 

'reassure her of what?'

 

'You're not leaving town.' Niall bumped into Harry's back, texting and walking at the same time.

 

'How does she even know? And I can't lie to her face. She knows when I'm lying.' Harry stopped up and turned to look at Niall. "Who are you texting?"

 

"Zayn," he confessed immediately. Then he held the phone for Harry to see so he knew exactly what they were discussing; he didn't need Harry more insecure than he was.

 

Harry gave the screen a bored look and pretended it didn't bug him as much as it did. "I'm just going to find Louis," he said and turned, calling his friend's name.

 

"Upstairs!" Louis called back. "Come check out these new jeans I bought, Haz!"

 

"Harry--" Niall reached for him and just missed his sleeve. "Harry, I showed you so you would see it’s nothing...!"

 

"Yeah,ok," Harry said dismissively and went upstairs to join Louis.

 

Niall sighed heavily and decided to call Zayn to get this over with faster so he could get to Harry sooner. "Hey," he said curtly.

 

"Niall, how did she find out?" Zayn asked immediately, displeased.

 

"Harry slipped up. Just tell her you're not leaving. Because as long as she's alive you'll be here, so you're not lying -- as far as she's concerned."

 

Zayn groaned irritably. "Fucking hell," he muttered. "I'll see what I can do, but I can't promise anything."

 

"Zayn," Niall said, trying to sound stable and not as upset as he was. "Just -- please. She just needs to be reassured... She loves you, you know? It was a real blow to her to learn that we weren't... gonna... y'know."

 

Zayn closed his eyes and swallowed guiltily. God, he loved that girl too and he wished he could grant her wishes. "Ok," he said softly. "...I have a feeling that your trip to the zoo was a bit of a disaster. Are you alright?"

 

Niall sighed shakily. "It... She said some stuff to Harry while I wasn't there. He's... He's really upset. I think she wants us to break up."

 

"Ouch," Zayn muttered even though a selfish part of him wanted the same. It wasn't fun being thrown on the backburner for Harry Styles. "What did she say?"

 

Niall was quiet for a while, trying to decide what and how much he should speak. He threw a glance up at the stairs and heard Louis' excited prattling over pants. "She, um... She told him I would always be in love with you. That I couldn't love anyone after you the same way... Harry's afraid when you leave, I'll go with you."

 

Zayn hadn't quite expected that. "Oh," he said in lack of better. He cleared his throat. "Uhm...ok. Is that true?" He couldn't help but ask, but seconds later, he shook his head. "Sorry, that's not fair. I'll go talk to her, ok?"

 

"Well, do you want to know the answer or not?" Niall asked, sick to death of Zayn's trying to butt out of conversations just when they were about to get real.

 

Zayn was quiet for a few moments. "I do," he said then.

 

Niall huffed at him. "Dammit, Zayn," he grumbled. "Now I've forgotten what the question was. Ask it again."

 

Zayn sat down on the couch in Caleb's living room and ran a hand through his hair. He didn't know which answer he wanted more, whether Niall could love Harry the same way he loved him or if he'd leave with him. "Would you leave with me?" he asked steadily even though his pulse quickened.

 

Niall had to ask himself that, truly, now. Instead of finding the truth that Harry wanted to hear, he had to find the real truth, his own truth. He hugged himself tightly and sat in silence, thinking. "I don't know," he said, eventually, whispering even though Harry was upstairs. "I don't want to leave Harry. Or Louis. Or the business. But I don't... I don't like thinking about life without you. It seems impossible... Like, if you left, I would just... fall over dead."

 

Zayn craned his neck and stared up at the ceiling. "You know...you've been in my life practically forever. It's hard for me to imagine it without you." Zayn smiled crookedly and scoffed softly. "There is really no one else I'd rather leave with than you."

 

"But you don't love me. You won't -- You won't ever love me like I want you to. I need to hear you say it."

 

Zayn thought about it and tried to formulate the words properly. "It could happen," he said. "I already like you a whole fucking lot and I'm obviously attracted to you. I just...I just think our time and place was off. But I know that I could easily love you the way you want me to."

 

Niall crumpled forward into his own lap, trying to remember how to breathe. That was not what he had told Zayn to say. That was not what he thought he would ever hear from the boy. "Why," he wheezed, "Why the fuck didn't you tell me this earlier?" His mind was racing and he felt feverish.

 

"I don't know," Zayn muttered. "I...was just confused and a lot of things were going on." He sighed. "But now you know and I also need you to know that I'm not saying this to...complicate things even though it's probably exactly what it did."

 

"You're in love with Liam," Niall hissed at him. "You -- You still want him!"

 

Zayn winced a bit. "I'm getting over him," he said confidently. In retrospect, he believed he'd been 'getting over' him even before he'd even realized it consciously. After all, he'd know from the first day that Liam was and would always be in love with Louis.

 

"But you're not... You don't... Oh, Zayn," Niall lamented, gouging the heel of his palm into his eye. "Zayn, you've just fucked everything..."

 

"Damn it," Zayn muttered and smashed his face in the couch pillow. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean to. Look, I would never ask you to leave anything...or anyone for me, Niall. God. Just...I'm sorry."

 

"Why not?" Niall sniffed. "You wouldn't fight for me if you loved me?" He was so confused, he didn't know what he wanted the answer to be, but the strain was causing his brain to scramble.

 

Zayn felt just as confused. "I'd feel selfish. To make you leave your boyfriend and friends just because I want my best friend for myself." He rubbed his temple.

 

"This is.. This is all hypothetical." Niall was on his feet, now. "This is just... you aren't.. You aren't in love with me, you just think... maybe, you could be. Not that you are. You aren't. You aren't in love with me," Niall insisted, trying to squelch the hope that was trying to bust out of his heart.

 

Zayn took in a superficial breath. "I'm not..." He almost said 'yet' but that felt too cruel. He got to his feet as well and walked from room to room aimlessly. "...but Harry is." He took a deep breath. "And if he can make you happy, then I'd be damned to ruin that."

 

"I'm in love with you, Zayn," Niall blurted out, even though he managed to keep his voice down. "I'm... I'm always going to be in love with you. You have to be honest with me."

 

Zayn leaned against the wall and slid down it. He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a few moments. "Honestly? I want you to come with me," he said. "I'd like to imagine that we'd go to Europe and we'd take on the world just like we've talked about so many times. One day we'd end up in some little village in Italy, drinking wine on the roof top and staring up at the stars and I'd look at you and I'd just know that it had always supposed to be you and me from the beginning."

 

The trembling in Niall's knees made him sit down again. "If we were drinking wine on a little rooftop in Italy," he said, speaking with no air behind his voice, "would you... Would you lean over and kiss me?"

 

Zayn closed his eyes and imagined the scene. It would be just as the sun was setting, splashing the sky with orange and red and Niall's cheeks would be rosy the way they were when he was slightly tipsy and he'd be smiling. "Yes," Zayn said, without a shadow of doubt. "I'd kiss you over and over."

 

Before he'd even realized he'd done it, Niall had hung up the phone. He was staring at it in his hand, panting, trembling a little. He didn't know what to do. He heard Louis chirping upstairs, followed by Harry's disinterested drawl and he didn't know whether he wanted to run upstairs into Harry's arms or get on the first bus to Zayn's. Without a destination decided upon, Niall threw on his hat and jacket and flung himself into the night, just jogging in hopes of putting a stop to his churning thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me. Please be gentle. It wouldn't be drama if it wasn't painful... right?
> 
> How to reach us:
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	34. Chapter 34

 

Zayn stared at his phone for what felt like hours, torn between calling Niall back and giving him his space. His thumb hovered over the call button for some time before he shoved it pocket. He had a feeling he had ruined everything. "Fuck," he muttered and knocked his head against the wall. He got to his feet and went to Caleb's room, desperate for distraction.

 

The man was sitting on his perfectly made, blindingly white bed, shoes off and covered in papers. "Hey," Caleb said, looking up through some of the legal documents he still had to sort through. He was wearing some pretty posh looking reading glasses, but removed them to get a better look at his house guest.

 

"Hey," Zayn said and sat down on the bed, throwing a glance at the papers. "You busy?"

 

"No!" Caleb said pointedly. "I need a break." He took a handful of papers and dropped them onto the floor. "Just still trying to clean up the same old mess." He leaned back and patted the bed next to him, frowning when Zayn came into better view. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

 

Zayn swallowed. "I think I've screwed up. Badly." He kind of wished that he'd just told Niall that he'd go visit his sister and ended it there.

 

"Is this to do with your little blonde friend?" Caleb asked and, sensing this was serious, dropped his glasses on the side table.

 

"Niall. Yes." He groaned and buried his face in his hands for a moment. When he removed them and looked at Caleb, he said, "I...uhm..I told him that I could fall in love with him."

 

"Just so I'm clear," Caleb rubbed his eyes, "this is the boy who was your best friend since you could walk, who told you a little under a year ago that he was madly in love with you, you fell out, and... you... fell in love with someone else? This is the same guy, right?" They had done some talking over their past few days of cohabitation.

 

Zayn looked down and nodded. "That's him," he muttered and looked up at Caleb with big eyes, "I did screw up, didn't I?"

 

Caleb was now rubbing his eyebrow as he wracked his brains. "Tell me why you screwed up?" He couldn't figure it out.

 

Zayn shrugged. "Because...he has a boyfriend and I just made it more complicated."

 

"Ohhh..." The reality of the situation dawned on Caleb. "Oh, I see..." He thought on it. "Is it true?" There was some skepticism in his voice.

 

Zayn nodded slowly, "Yes. I'd like to believe so," he said softly. He played with the strings of his hoodie, "but it's impossible to know without trying."

 

"You just had a pretty hard knock from that other boy," Caleb pointed out. "You sure this isn't a rebound reaction?"

 

"What? No! I would never do that to Niall," he said and shook his head. "Never."

 

"So what are you going to do?"

 

"I don't know," Zayn said with a frustrated groan. "That's why I'm talking to you. Some advice would be nice."

 

Caleb chuckled a little bit. "I'm really no good in the love department, but I'll try. Do you want him?"

 

"In what way?" Zayn asked. "He's my best friend. Of course I want him."

 

"No, do you want him. Do you feel passion for him? Does he make your palms go sweaty and your hips go loose?"

 

"Are you asking me if I'm attracted to him? Yes. But I'm not in love with him yet."

 

"What does being in love mean to you?"

 

Zayn wasn't sure he liked all these questions. He stared at Caleb. "It's feeling that you're missing something when you’re apart and realizing that everything is so much better when you're together."

 

Caleb gave a little laugh. "And you don't feel that for Niall?"

 

Zayn fell silent. "I do," he said then, quietly like he'd just realized it. "It's odd," he muttered. "He still comes first. He always has."

 

"So... Just to rehash: He always comes first and you want to fuck him."

 

Zayn felt his cheeks heat up. "Uhm...yeah, I guess that sums it up."

 

Caleb stayed quiet. That sort of seemed to speak for itself.

 

Zayn stared at Caleb as his heartbeat increased. "Should I find him or wait?" he asked, a bit breathless.

 

"Maybe you should know what you want to do, first... What would you do if you found him?"

 

Zayn sighed deeply. "I don't know," he said, feeling frustrated. "I really have no fucking idea."

 

"Might be best to wait until you do. Do you have time? Is he walking down the aisle with this other guy soon?"

 

Zayn laughed weakly and shook his head. "Not that I know of."

 

"Then wait." Caleb reached out and stroked through Zayn's slick, black mane. "Just so you don't feel like you fucked up again after you talk to him."

 

Zayn nodded. "Thank you," he smiled. "I'll leave you to it, then." He was ready to take a long nap. Maybe things would be clearer when he woke up.

 

Caleb just smiled at him, then retrieved his papers from the floor, grateful for the break.

 

~*~

 

Niall returned to Louis' around one in the morning. He'd had a few beers and done a lot of running. In that time, he also did a lot of thinking and felt pretty convinced of his conclusion. He stumbled into Louis' house and slunk up the stairs, shedding his clothes as he went. As he suspected, he found Louis and Harry curled together in the bed; the taller lump was easy to spot and Niall crawled in behind him, immediately kissing down his spine.

 

Harry stirred awake and turned, blinking bleary-eyed at Niall. "Where did you go?" he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. When he'd realized that Niall was gone and not answering his phone, his stomach had churned with dread. A part of him had been fully convinced that Niall wasn't coming back.

 

"Run," Niall said. "Then the bar. But I missed you..." He kissed over Harry's throat and up his jaw to his ear. "I missed you. You're my baby."

 

Something was off and Harry pulled away from Niall, staring at him as he tried to make out as much as he could in the semi-dark room. "Why didn't you take your phone?"

 

"I just... I turned it off." He'd been afraid Zayn would call back. He reached up and stroked Harry's cheek, admiring his beautiful face in the moonlight. "I'm sorry, baby... I ... I lost track of time. I didn't mean to worry you."

 

There were about a dozen questions on the tip of Harry's tongue but for once, he decided to keep quiet. He sighed softly and kissed Niall's nose. "You ok?" he asked, stroking down his side.

 

"Yes, now I'm with you." He smiled and tugged Harry to face him, cuddling him up in his arms. "I get your snuggles. Louis has that other guy to snuggle."

 

Harry still wanted to ask why he'd gone to drink alone and why he'd turned off his phone and why Harry had a feeling he was hiding something, but he didn't. He just settled into Niall's arms. "I love you."

 

"I love you, too, baby," Niall cooed, kissing him relentlessly and stroking up and down his body. Eventually he scooped Harry's butt in his hands and pulled him close, rolling his hips toward him, his kisses getting deeper and hungrier.

 

Harry breathed heavily, "Jesus, Niall," he said, gasping softly and kissing back. He had a feeling this was a bad idea. "Louis is right there," he said as if he would have cared and tried to pull away.

 

"He doesn't mind," Niall said, trying to stifle Harry's squirming and pull him closer. "C'mere..."

 

"I mind," Harry said and grabbed Niall's wrist to stop his groping. "Let's not do this right now."

 

Niall blinked a little bit, confounded. "Wh-- Why? Baby, what's wrong?"

 

"What's wrong with you?" Harry countered, unable to keep the questions down. "There's something off about you. What happened?"

 

"I'm just gonna--" Louis was awake, now, weirded out to the gills, and making his escape, pulling on some sweats and heading down the stairs. Once he was gone, Niall sighed, "Nothing! Nothing, Harry, I just had... I did some thinking... Some really hard thinking about what ... what we were talking about in the car, before we came over. I just-- I just want you, Harry. I want you in my life. I want you as my lover. And everything else... is in the past. There's just you, now." His fingers were tangling in Harry's curls and he looked shy and silver in the moonlight.

 

Harry forgot how to breathe for a second as he stared at Niall. The boy he loved like he'd never loved anyone before him. He took a shuddery breath and lowered his gaze. "That's all I ever wanted to hear."

 

Niall smiled at him adoringly, before leaning in and placing a sweet, non-demanding kiss on those full, beautiful lips.

 

Harry kissed back, tilting his face and deepening the kiss. He draped his thigh over Niall's hips and breathed into his mouth, "I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I love you."

 

Niall pulled back to look into his eyes. He was aware that they were both so young and love was new to Harry, but, still, Niall believed him. He believed in Harry's love for him and what's more, as Niall had realized over the evening, he had put his money where his mouth was. Harry had lost his family, thrown away his inheritance and all the pleasures of his life because he wanted to stand up for the man he loved; Zayn, on the other hand, had scorned him, terrified of his family's retaliation. "I'm so lucky," Niall said, sincerely. "I'm so lucky to have you."

 

Harry felt the warmth in every crook and crevice of his body and he kissed Niall over and over again till neither of them could breathe. "I'll do anything for you," he said breathlessly and kissed him again. "Anything." He kissed him hungrily, pushing his hand up his shirt and pawing at the soft skin there.

 

"Just be with me," Niall purred against his lips. "I just want you to be with me... I'll stand by you, Harry." He kissed him more, deep, leisurely, adoring kisses as he pushed his hands down the back of Harry's shorts and gently kneaded his ass. "God, I wish I could make you come just by kissing you."

 

Harry laughed into the kisses. "That'd be an awful lot of orgasms," he said with a smirk and moved down to kiss Niall's neck, adoring every patch of skin his mouth met. He lifted his head to nibble Niall's ear, "How would you like me, love?"

 

"You sure you're up for it? We don't have to... I could just kiss you while you fall asleep in my arms..." He certainly didn't want to push Harry into anything and his desire to make Harry happy rivaled Harry's will to please him.

 

Harry pulled back to study Niall curiously, "I couldn't fend you off just second ago," he said, amused and nuzzled Niall's neck. "I'm up for anything you are."

 

Niall laughed. "This is like the Gift of the Magi or something," he kissed Harry's neck as he laughed. "Do you want sex? Or snuggles? I want to make you happy -- that's what I want."

 

Harry thought about. "Important day tomorrow," he said and yawned against Niall's shoulder. "Never thought I'd say this, but I say we sleep."

 

Niall nodded. "Alright, my love," he said, kissing his eyebrow. "What's so big about tomorrow?"

 

"Ivy league day at school tomorrow--all about making connections and impressing old, wrinkly men," Harry drawled, getting bored just by the thought.

 

Niall smiled at him. "You're going to be brilliant," he said, tucking Harry up into his arms and kissing his shoulders. "You rest up and get your beauty sleep," he insisted, nuzzling his warm skin. "I'm just... Is it ok if I just keep kissing you? A little bit? I'll be, y'know, quiet."

 

Harry chuckled softly, warmed. "No smacking noises," he said teasingly.

 

"No smacking noises," Niall agreed. "Just little pecks..." He demonstrated, trailing a few down the knobs of Harry's spine.

 

Harry giggled softly into the pillow. "Yeah, that's alright." He couldn't say no to that soft press from Niall's wonderful lips.

 

Niall couldn't help it. Since having made his decision, Harry had become even more beautiful to him. He tried not to be obnoxious, but he couldn't resist gently trailing his fingertips over Harry's velvety skin and pressing his nose in his curls. Even after Harry's breathing had evened out and all the tension left his body, Niall was peppering tiny pecks on his shoulderblade until sleep took him, too.

 

~*~

 

Amy was looking a little thinner. She was awake, but her breathing was a little labored and her eyes lulled shut frequently.

 

The worst thing about visiting Amy was seeing her fade away little by little. It was absolutely heart wrenching. Zayn knocked once on the door before he entered, smiling softly. "Hi princess," he said and kissed her cheek before taking a seat by her bed.

 

"Zayn," she said softly. But there was reprehension in her voice.

 

"What's up?" he asked, stroking her thin hair out of her face.

 

"Don't give me that like you don't know. You know: Are you really leaving?"

 

"I think Harry Styles would really like me gone," Zayn said with a wry smile. "But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

 

The flesh where Amy's eyebrows once were pulled together and she wheezed. "Zayn... Why? Why is he with Harry and not you?"

 

Zayn had prepared himself for this and he gave a soft sigh and pretended to give it some deep thought. "Harry loves him Amy. He makes him happy." That was mostly true, Zayn hoped. "Isn't that what you want for Niall? To be loved and happy?"

 

"He loves you. He told me you don't love him back." Her look was frank and relentless -- she would not be suffering any nonsense today.

 

Zayn looked away for a moment. "It's a bit...complicated." He'd thought a lot about things and he was still unsure of what to do. "It isn't easy, Amy."

 

"Zayn, I'm dying. Don't bullshit me."

 

Zayn looked into her hollowed eyes. "I don't think I can say what you want me to, Amy."

 

"What do I want you to say?" she whispered.

 

"You want me to promise you that Niall and I will end up together, but I can't do that, Amy," Zayn said softly. He sighed and looked down at his boots before lifting his gaze. "It really is complicated."

 

"Why?"

 

"Because he's with Harry now," Zayn said simply. He paused, "And because he's falling in love with him, despite what you might like to believe."

 

"And he's right, then," she said sadly. "You don't love him."

 

Zayn sighed and ran a hand through his hair "Amy, your brother means a whole fucking lot to me. I love him a lot. I can't imagine life without him. He's my best friend and he'll always be the one who knows me best."

 

She looked near tears, but too weak to express them. "Leave me alone, then," she said, her little heart broken.

 

Zayn's heart dropped to his toes. "Amy," he said pleadingly. "Amy, what do you want me to do?"

 

"Just leave me alone," she said, quietly, her head sinking onto her chest.

 

Zayn stared at her with guilt curled tight around his heart. "I'm sorry," he said then and rose to his feet. He lingered for a moment or two before he left,

 

~*~

 

Liam was shocked at the favorable treatment he was getting. After having done such a strange maneuver, to go from his posh, private school to a ratty public one, he couldn't be certain how he would be received at a function such as the College Meet and Greet. After all, he was the only student from a public school present. However, as soon as he'd introduced himself at the Harvard table, it became apparent that he was an object of some interest. He was speaking to a Harvard dean, handsome and kept in his stereotypical cardigan and really, all Liam wanted to do was shout out at Louis, who he could see standing a few booths away with Harry.

 

Harry felt confident and invincible in a way he hadn't for days. It probably had to do with a certain blonde. He'd talked to a few alumni, who all seemed interested and charmed by him. Of course they were, he was Harry Styles after all. He was standing with Louis when the boy turned, beaming and waving energetically at someone. When Harry saw it was Liam, he let out a sigh. "What is he doing here?" he asked.

 

Louis slapped him across the chest. "Be nice for once, Harry."

 

That was when Liam gave the man a very polite, sincere, "I'm terribly sorry, it's been wonderful talking to you but my boyfriend is over there and he will explode if I don't pay at least a little bit of attention to him." That got him an approving sort of laugh and Liam trotted over to Louis and swooped him up into his arms. "Hey, sweetie!"

 

"Babbeee!" Louis giggled and gave Liam a chaste kiss on the lips. Harry rolled his eyes hard and feeling more like himself than he'd done the last few days, he couldn't help but comment snarkily, "Payne, I'm surprised they even let you in."

 

Liam looked like he was about to say something biting back, but he hesitated and collected himself. "Hi, Harry. Niall with you?"

 

Harry lifted a brow. "I can't see how's that any of your business."

 

Louis gave him a bit of a look. "No, he's not here," he said, turning to Liam. "Why?"

 

Liam was confused as to why they were confused. "Well, because he's your boyfriend and this is a big day...?"

 

"Again. None of your business."

 

Louis sighed and rolled his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Liam's middle and smiled up at him. "Ignore him."

 

Liam shrugged and held up his hands. "It wasn't -- I wasn't trying to start anything, Harry. Just making conversation."

 

"I can't imagine why you'd think I'd want to make conversation with you Liam Payne," Harry drawled, bored.

 

"Harry," Louis hissed. "Stop being so childish."

 

"Fine. Holy cow, fine!" Liam said, backing up. "He's worse than ever," Liam muttered to Louis, taking his hand and pulling him close. "We'll just go visit Columbia and leave you to... to your mood."

 

Harry smirked saucily and turned on his heels, strutting off. Louis dragged a hand down his face in a defeated gesture. "I'm sorry," he said to Liam. "It's like he woke up 100% Harry Pain the Ass Styles."

 

"What happened? What changed?" Liam asked.

 

Louis glanced at Harry who was striking up a conversation with an elegant, elder lady. He turned to Liam and said quietly, "From what I've gathered, Niall chose him," he said.

 

"What?" Liam didn't understand. "Chose him over whom?"

 

"Over Zayn," Louis said. "Harry was insecure --which I'd never thought I'd live to see-- and Niall made it clear last night that he'd stay with him."

 

Liam frowned. "Why does that mean he has to be a jerk again?"

 

"Who the fuck knows," Louis said and rolled his eyes. "Ask him. On second thought, don’t."

 

"He's living with you, now?"

 

Louis nodded. "Yeah, both he and Niall are."

 

"You... You only have one bed in your house. Are they making you sleep on the sofa?"

 

"Uhm...usually we all sleep in the same bed. Until they get freaky and I have to leave." Louis said, laughing softly.

 

Liam wrapped his arm around Louis shoulders and held him close so he could both keep him warm and whisper in his ear, "Is it alright if we talk about that? I'm not certain I'm comfortable with you being in bed with those two."

 

Louis cuddled into Liam's chest. "Nothing is going to happen. Don't worry. They're both a little possessive of each other."

 

"Well. I'm a little possessive of you," Liam said, kissing his ear. "Doesn't your sofa fold out into a bed? Can't they stay there?"

 

Louis giggled into Liam's shoulder, delighted. "Yes, but they seem to prefer the bed, and I don't want to be rude." And he liked to cuddle with them.

 

Liam pulled Louis away from him so Louis could see his face and see that Liam was serious -- he wasn't flirting and he wasn't joking. "Louis. I'm not kidding around, here. Please. I don't want you sleeping with two men I know you've had sex with. That's not a lot to ask. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't feel alright if I had Zayn with me in my bed every night."

 

Louis pouted a bit. "They're my friends, Liam. I'm not going to do anything with them, I've told you that. Don’t you trust me?"

 

Liam took a deep breath. "Would you trust me in bed with Zayn?"

 

"That's not the same!" Louis protested. "He's like in love with you. They aren't. They were in love with each other."

 

"Louis," Liam said in that 'we're-being-reasonable-here' voice. "I'm asking you, out of respect for me, to just ask them to sleep downstairs. You're so kind to let them into your home, Louis, it's not unreasonable to ask them to leave you your own bed when you have another option. I mean... We're just getting back together. Please, I'm asking you: Just ask them to sleep downstairs. That's all."

 

Louis knew that Liam's request was fair even though he felt a little miffed. "Ok," he said, a bit reluctant and threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "Alright."

 

"Thank you, Louis," Liam said. When Louis was still pouting, he reached a hand out and stroked his cheek with his index finger lovingly. "I love you, Louis."

 

Louis gave in to the smile and leaned into Liam's touch. "And I love you, Liam."

 

Liam gave him a soft, brief kiss. "C'mon. Let's go secure ourselves a bright future."

 

~*~

 

As Harry was roaming between the tents, a man came up to him with snow white hair and a bright, well-tended teeth. His name was Andrew Hampstead and he had been a friend of the Styles' family for years. He extended a hand, but this time when he smiled, it was a little sad.

 

"Harry," he said, his voice warm with recognition.

 

Harry turned to look at the man. "Mr. Hampstead," he said and took the man's hand, shaking it. There was something in Andrew's expression that made Harry nervous even though he didn't show it. "It's been a long time. How are you?"

 

"I'm well, Harry, I'm well. Look, I just want to say, I'm... I'm sorry about everything and I'm pleased you managed to be here today, despite it all."

 

Harry stared at the man for a moment before he gave a puzzled smile. "I'm not sure I'm following." Even though he had a good idea, but he couldn't imagine why this man would know any of that.

 

There was a bit of shock in the man's face, but it swiftly turned to pity behind his snowy white beard. "Oh, Harry. You must not have seen the papers..." He rummaged in his pocket for his cell phone, tapping at the screen as he spoke. "I'm afraid your family situation became public today. Your mother's suit against your father -- the Huffington Post and the New Yorker both ran articles." When he passed the phone into Harry's hand, the headline 'Millionaire's Wife Sues Husband Under Claims of Indecency'. "I'm so sorry to be the one to show you this, Harry, I truly am."

 

The color drained off Harry's face as he stared at the headline in shock. He hadn't been prepared for this. His fucking mother hadn't even fucking told him this. His throat was dry as he tore his gaze from the headline and looked around, first then noticing that people were looking at him, averting their gazes when Harry caught them. The pity in their eyes stabbed Harry deep. Harry slowly handed the phone back. "If you'll excuse me," he said with a stiff smile before storming off.

 

"Harry, if you need anything--!" Andrew tried, but he was gone before he could even get the rest of it out.

 

~*~

 

Harry stormed to his car, breath heavy and eyes flashing. He pulled out his phone and found his mother's number, his hand white-knuckling around the slim device. As soon as it was taken, he hissed, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

 

"What's wrong, honey?" Debra asked, her voice raspy from the coughing fit she’d just overcome.

 

"You went ahead and sued him and made it public without talking to me about it? Why would you do that? Why the fuck would you spring it on me like this?"

 

"Harry," he could hear her rolling her eyes; a family trait. "I didn't make it public. Those muckrackers scan all the court documents -- they're public records, baby. I would've kept it private if I could. But don't you worry, hon, they aren't privy to the details. None of that nasty stuff will get to the press if everyone keeps their mouths shut about it."

 

Harry was possibly shaking. "It was the College Meet and Greet day today," he said, voice wavering. "Everyone there fucking knows about it. They were all looking at me. Do you have any idea how that feels?"

 

"I did not do this, Harry!" Debra said, using each word as a statement unto itself. "You get me, baby? If you sue somebody," she was speaking to him like he was an idiot child, "it is a public record. Do you know what that means? The public can see it. That includes fucking nosy-ass reporters. Now, I know this is embarrassing you, but you're going to have to grow up sometime, Harry and this is it."

 

The tone she was using with him outraged him and he hung up, flinging the phone away from him. "Goddamn it!" He yelled and began hitting the steering wheel repeatedly until he exhausted himself. He couldn't deal with people knowing about his dysfunctional family and his psychotic father. He aggressively turned the key in the ignition and sped off without any real purpose.

 

~*~

 

When Zayn arrived to the greenhouse, his shoulders were heavy with guilt. He absolutely hated himself for crushing Amy's wishes the way that he'd had and he was obsessing over ways to make it right again. He went right to work, desperate for a distraction.

 

Niall was there when he walked in. His cheeks were dirty but flushed and his blue eyes were bright and impish. "Hi!" He chirped upon seeing Zayn. "Look at this! I have 40 orders filled and it's just beautiful! Look! I put them in little baggies with a ribbon on them. It's marketing, man!" Then, he got a good look at Zayn's face. ".... What? Oh, god, what? You saw Amy? Is she alright? What happened?"

 

Zayn stared at Niall for a few moments. "She told me to leave," he said, crestfallen. "After I told her that I wasn't in love with you. I broke her heart and I don't think I've ever felt this bad."

 

Niall sighed. For a moment, his own heart faltered, but he bolstered himself with thoughts of Harry. He cleared his throat. "Is she ok?"

 

"I don't think so," Zayn muttered. The look she sent him was going to haunt him forever.

 

Niall's eyes widened. "Do you have your car? Will you take me to the hospital?"

 

Zayn looked up at Niall. "I doubt there's anything you can do."

 

"Zayn, just take me!" Niall snapped at him, gathering up his backpack and cap.

 

Zayn sighed and nodded. They settled in the car and drove to the hospital. Just before Niall stormed out of the car, Zayn grabbed his arm. "Wait. You've got something," he said and reached out, rubbing his thumb against Niall's cheek to remove the dirt. "There you go."

 

Niall sat in the car a split second. And in that second, he got a phone call. He almost didn't answer it in his haste, but something told him to look. Sure enough, it was from the very hospital he was parked outside of. "Hello?" he asked, fearing the worst. "Niall, this is nurse Marjorie. I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your sister has fallen unconscious. You may want to get here right away." Niall's throat closed up and he hung up the phone. "She's dying," was all he could gasp to Zayn before he flung himself out of the car and sprinted into the building.

 

Zayn's heart squeezed tight. "No." He got out of the car and ran after Niall, repeating a mantra of no, no, no in his head. Amy couldn't die like this. Not when the last thing he'd done was crush her heart.

 

The doctors were surprised he was there so fast, of course, but there was no time to explain. They showed him into the room. Amy looked as she had before, only now her eyes were closed and she looked even more still than when she slept. "Do something," Niall said as he beheld her. "Please, do something."

 

The nurse just shook her head and said, "I'm so sorry. All we can do now is make her comfortable..."

 

Niall went to the bed and took her frail hand. "Amy?" he called. "Amy, please, it's Niall..." But he got no response.

 

Zayn stopped in the door, panting for air and staring at the scene. He couldn't move, could barely breathe. "She is going to wake up, right?" he said, sounding childishly hopeful. One of the nurses gave him a sympathetic look. Zayn swallowed around the lump in his throat. "Oh my God," he whispered.

 

"Would you like me to get the priest?" The nurse whispered gently to Niall. He was practically on top of her on the bed, crouched over her, stroking her forehead. He was choking back sobs and his tears were raining down on her. "Yes. Please," he whimpered.

 

Zayn moved out of the way when the priest arrive and looked away, eyes blank with tears. Somehow the ache was more acute than when his grandfather had passed away. He forced himself to walk further into the room and touched Niall's shoulder gently, "I'm sorry, it's my fault," he blurted.

 

"It's not your fault," Niall said, sniffling. "It's not your fault. It's... It's the disease..."

 

"Shall I?" The priest asked softly and Niall nodded, unable to lift his head from beside his sisters, where it fell on the pillow.

 

The priest read the passages and Niall cried, squeezing his sister's hand.

 

Zayn crumbled into a chair and buried his face in his hands, crying silently. If only he'd granted her what she wanted, she might not have been dead now. Even though the thought was illogical, at the moment it made perfect sense to Zayn.

 

The priest's reading lasted only maybe fifteen minutes. When he was done and Niall finally lifted his head, he put his ear to her mouth -- no air was forthcoming. Wild-eyed he looked at the nurse. The woman came forward and checked her pulse, and looked at the monitors. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. She's gone." Niall then looked at Zayn, bereft, empty, and flung himself into his arms.

 

Zayn crushed him to him, holding him so tight as if he was trying to merge their bodies into one. He whispered broken 'sorry's into his ear. There wasn't anything else to say. He felt like he'd been torn in half.

 

Niall stayed shaking in Zayn's arms as the nurses came in to gently disconnect Amy from all of her monitors. That task completed, Marjorie approached the two boys and said quietly, "We'll leave you with her for as long as you need. Please let us know if there's anything we can do for you." Niall could only nod through his tears.

 

They stood like that for a long time and Zayn stared at Amy over Niall's shoulder until he couldn't anymore and hid his face in Niall's neck. He couldn't believe that she was gone forever. He'd known it was going to happen for months, but nothing could prepare you for the grief caused by the loss of a loved one.

 

Niall cried in Zayn's arms for a good hour. When he finally moved, he kissed Zayn's eyebrow and stumbled over to Amy's bedside. He took her still, cooling hand and said softly, "I love you, Amy... I love you... I wasn't the best brother to you, but I... I always did what I could. I wish... I... I wish I never told you the truth. I wish you went to Heaven believing that your brother had a beautiful life... And I'll never forgive myself for ruining that for you... But you're in Heaven. And you aren't in pain anymore. And I love you. I'll always love you... You're my baby sister and I know... I know you'll always be with me..." Then he broke down in tears again and fell silent.

 

Zayn stood in the background. It was too painful for him to bear and the guilt was swallowing him whole. Now, all he could think about was doing it right. He walked up to Niall and stroked down his back. "Niall," he said hoarsely and when Niall turned to look at him, he cupped his wet cheeks. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. If I had only listened to her, maybe she's still be here with us, if only for a little longer. We can still give her what she wanted."

 

Niall leaned into Zayn's hands, his own weight too heavy for him. "What? Zayn, what are you talking about?" His mind was foggy with grief.

 

"When I told you that I could love you, I didn't lie," he said, eyes wet with tears and sincerity. "I can love you. I know I can. You mean everything to me and I'm so sorry for the things that I did that hurt you so much. And this is too much to ask, but I have to ask you to give me a second chance to make it right."

 

"What?" Niall stared at him, confused. "M-m-my sister just died, Zayn! Don't make me think about this now!"

 

Zayn let his hands fall from Niall's face and stared at his shoes. "You're right," he said, rubbing his face. "I'm sorry."

 

"Oh, God, and this means you're leaving," Niall moaned, sinking to the ground where he stood. "Oh, my God...”

 

Zayn followed him down. "Come with me," he said. "Let’s just get out of here; a new beginning, a new chapter. We both want this, Niall. And I want you to come with me. I can't do it without you."

 

Niall leaned into him, pressing into his chest. He wanted to. Of course, he wanted to. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Zayn and had ever since he was a child. His tattoo was healed and bright against his skin and he reached down to touch it. "I want--" he gasped. "I would have given you everything, Zayn... But you... You just love me when it's easy."

 

Zayn kissed his forehead, letting his lips linger. "I know," he said. "I always run away when things a turning hard and for that I hate myself. It's a serious flaw. But I will do absolutely anything for you if you give me the chance. Let me fix the heart that I broke."

 

"Are you talking about hers or mine, Zayn?" Niall sniffed, wiping at his face. "Because she's dead and there's nothing you can do for her."

 

Zayn glanced up at Amy. "I know," Zayn said sorrowfully. He turned back to Niall and took his hand. "I'm talking about yours."

 

Niall stared at him, uncertain. "Do you... Do you really love me? Not that you think you could l-love me or that you m-might someday. Do you n-now?"

 

Zayn stroked Niall's bang out of his way. "I can live without Liam. I can imagine life without him, but I can't imagine life without you. You always came first, Niall."

 

Niall sniffed at him. "Do you love me, Zayn. You... You never... You never felt for me what you felt for Liam -- what you felt for all those girls you slept with."

 

"What did I feel for them, Niall? Did they attract me? Yes. Do you? Absolutely. Did I love them? I thought I did, I might have, some of them probably. Do I love you?" Zayn paused and looked steadily into Niall's wet eyes. "I'd choose you over all of them in a heartbeat. Even Liam. If that isn't love then I don't know what is."

 

In truth, Niall didn't know, either. He rather had his doubts; a lot of them. He reached up with one hand and sunk his fingers in Zayn's hair. Then he leaned in and kissed his lips fiercely, passionately, in a way that would tell him exactly what Zayn felt for him.

 

Zayn heart leapt and he kissed back instinctively. He wrapped his arm around Niall's middle and pulled him close, his other hand curling around the back of Niall's neck to keep him in place. He hadn't known how much he'd wanted this before now.

 

Niall was startled. To the pit of his stomach, he was startled. But then he fell into it, his other hand joining his first in Zayn's hair, kissing him so desperately. He sucked on his bottom lip and licked into his mouth, letting Zayn's tongue take control of his.

 

Zayn kissed him like everything in the world depended on that kiss. He licked into Niall's mouth, gathering every little taste of Niall, memorizing it. He hand caressed the soft hair on the back of Niall's head. "Niall," he panted into his mouth, kissing him again and again.

 

A moment's clarity appeared in Niall's mind and he tore himself away, panting. "We can't -- We can't do this, here..." he said, clinging to Zayn's shirt. "We... Not here. I have to... I have to make burial arrangements, I have to... Oh, God, Zayn..." He pressed himself into his best friend's neck, clinging to his clothing as if he would fall off the face of the earth otherwise.

 

It took a moment for Zayn to remember why they couldn't do this here and he shrank a little. There was no more inappropriate place to do it. Zayn nodded. "I’ll help you," he said and pulled back so he could look at Niall. "You're not alone, ok? We'll get through this together."

 

"Stay. Til she's buried. Promise me you'll stay til then..." Niall sniffed, putting Zayn's hands on his cheeks to comfort himself.

 

Zayn looked at Niall, confused. "You're coming with me, right?"

 

"I don't-- I don't know, Zayn. I can't think. I don't know."

 

Zayn nodded. "I can't pressure you about it now," he said and kissed Niall's forehead. "I'll stay till the funeral."

 

Niall sniffed and nodded. "Th-thank you." He rose and wandered to the bed. He sat with his sister a little while longer before he pressed the button to call the nurse to come take her away.

 

~*~

 

Niall sat with Zayn in the empty room for some time, just staring at the wall. That was when his cellphone started ringing. "Hey, baby," Niall said, his voice ravaged.

 

Harry had ended up at the greenhouse at some point in his drive and hadn't found Niall there. "Hey," he said. "Is everything alright?"

 

Niall gave a big, snotty snort and gasped, "No, um... Amy died today. I'm here at the hospital. With Zayn."

 

Harry's breath caught in his throat and his own problems suddenly seemed so miniscule, so unimportant. "Oh, love," he said softly. "I'll be right there, ok?

 

Niall was quiet a moment, then he said, "Yeah."

 

"Just sit tight. I'll be there in ten."

 

Niall hung up the phone and rubbed his nose. "Um... Harry's coming to get me."

 

Zayn looked at him and reminded himself that Harry was still Niall's boyfriend. He'd never resented that it more than this moment. "Oh," he said and blinked. "To Louis'?"

 

"Yeah." He played with his phone, unable to look at Zayn. "You... You'll be able to stay with Caleb?"

 

"...Yeah," Zayn said after a moment's of silence. "I don't suppose you're going to tell him..."

 

"Tell him what?"

 

Zayn looked him dead in the eye. "About us...about what just happened."

 

"No," Niall said hoarsely. "It would kill him."

 

Zayn sighed. He could imagine that and as much as he didn't like Harry, he didn't deserve it. "Good idea," he said and stared at the opposite wall. "Where do we go from here?"

 

Niall sniffled. "I don't know." He looked up. "There's nothing in the world I could do to convince you to stay?"

 

Zayn sighed. "Stay for what, Niall? Watch you and Harry together?"

 

Niall made an odd little snorting sound and ran a hand down his face. "It's so weird to hear you say things like that... You've... You've done a 180 overnight, Zayn."

 

"I was never particularly thrilled that you and Harry were together and it might have taken some time for me to figure out why," Zayn said. He leaned back against the wall and tilted his face to look at Niall. "And it's weird, because your nose is running and your eyes are red but I can't think of a time where I've wanted to kiss you more."

 

Niall glanced at him. Sniffed, then looked away. Then he ducked in and placed a very shy peck on his lips, then looked back down at the tissue in his hands. "Your... Your timing is really, really terrible, Zayn. I mean, just the fucking worst."

 

Zayn laughed softly. "Better late than never?" He smiled a bit coyly and kissed Niall's nose.

 

Niall wrinkled his nose and ducked his head away from him, before coming back to press into Zayn's chest for a hug. They were curled like that when Harry walked in, followed by Louis and Liam.

 

Harry rushed in and wasn't happy at the sight that met him. "Niall," he said, gaining their attention and Zayn looked at him briefly before his eyes looked passed him. Zayn met Liam's gaze and it'd been so long since he'd even seen him.

 

Niall immediately rose and crumpled gratefully into Harry's arms. "Hey, baby," he said, utterly exhausted.

 

Liam nodded at Zayn, giving him a tiny smile, full of hope that it would be returned.

 

Zayn gave back a brief smile. He had missed Liam and seeing him again didn't hurt as much as he'd thought it would. He looked over at Harry and Niall. Harry was holding Niall tight against him and whispering something in his ear. "I got you," Harry said against Niall's temple. Louis approached and put an arm around Niall as well. 

 

"Thanks, guys," Niall said, truly cherishing being smooshed between two of his best friends. He soaked in their warmth, their body heat, their love for him. He couldn't help but start crying again, but only so much as tears slipped down over his cheeks. Their little love knot left Liam and Zayn in the cold and Liam shyly approached the other boy. "Hey," he said, testing the water.

 

"Hey," Zayn said turning to face Liam with a half-smile. "How are you?"

 

"I'm..." Fantastic seemed inappropriate. "Alright. I'm alright. How are you?"

 

"Good," Zayn said, even though what he really wanted to say was that the last month had been shittier than all the shitty days in his life put together. He looked glanced back at Niall and the two others who were still tangled up.

 

Liam cleared his throat. "Good," he said softly. "I've missed you."

 

Zayn looked back at Liam. He missed having him as a friend more than he missed having sex with him. Even though he missed that too. "I missed you too, Liam." This conversation reminded him too much of ones he'd had with Niall. Ironic. He reached into his pocket and fingered the edge of his cigarette pack. A smoke would be good right now. "You doing well in school? Get along with the other kids or do they still dump their lunch on you?"

 

Liam smiled. "There's still some lunch-dumping, but it's ok." He saw the other boy's agitation and said, "Want to go smoke?" Liam didn't smoke of course, but it was sort of awkward, the two of them here while Louis, Niall and Harry all stood together cuddling and whispering.

 

Zayn nodded. "Yeah." He grabbed his jacket from the bench. "I'll be just outside if you need me," he said and tried to catch Niall's eyes but it was impossible what with how he was practically buried between those two.

 

The air was wintery and beginning to feel like holiday. "So, where are you staying?" Liam asked, knowing there really wasn't much in the way of a safe topic.

 

Zayn fumbled with his lighter and it took a few frustrating moments before his cigarette caught the flame. He took a deep drag. "A guy," he said. "His name is Caleb and he's a hairdresser."

 

"Oh, good!" Liam said, clearly surprised. He was afraid Zayn was going to say he was living in his car or on the streets. "He's a friend of yours?"

 

"Well...he’s the guy my dad caught me with," Zayn said slowly. A gust of cold wind made him shiver in his thin jacket and he mentally noted to himself to ask his sister to get him his proper winter coat. "But yeah, he's my friend now."

 

"Oh! Is it a... a thing?" As soon as he asked it, he wished he could take it back. He didn't want to sound jealous or over-interested. "I'm sorry, that's absolutely none of my business."

 

Zayn nodded. "Ok." He didn't have much left to say to Liam, really. He was going to leave anyway so trying to rekindle their friendship seemed utterly pointless.

 

"So, Louis told me you're leaving... Is it... Are you going to school somewhere?"

 

Zayn paused with the cigarette half-way to his mouth. He should've expected that Niall would tell Louis who'd tell Liam. He didn't reply for a few moments, stalling with his cigarette. "No," he said. "I'm just leaving town."

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"Wherever life takes me," Zayn said with a shrug and he thought he sounded ridiculous. But he really didn't have any concrete plans.

 

"Oh." Liam looked out at the bright specks in the dark that were the lights of New Jersey at night. "I'll miss you. But I support that decision." He gave Zayn a sincere smile.

 

Zayn finished his cigarette and smiled softly. "Thank you."

 

"I hope you'll find what you're looking for. You know I believe in you."

 

That made Zayn duck his face, a small smile playing on his lips. When Liam said stuff like that, it made Zayn believe that he someday could believe in himself. "Yeah," he said softly. "And I believe in you, Liam. I know you'll do something great one day and I can't wait."

 

Liam couldn't resist, then. He flung his arms around his old friend and squeezed him tight. "I know shit's weird -- but will you keep in touch? You're so special to me."

 

Zayn made small, surprised sound in the back of his throat. He had nearly forgotten how good it felt to be held. "I'm sure we'll see each other someday." At least he hoped they would. "Just stay alive."

 

"I will. We'll totally see each other again. I'll hunt you down if I have to." Liam pulled back to smile at him and rumpled his hair obnoxiously.

 

Zayn couldn't help but grin. "I'd like to see that," he said with a smirk. He pulled a bit back and looked back at the hospital, swallowing a bit as he remembered Amy's lifeless body. He didn't want to stay here a minute longer, but he needed to wait till Niall at least left.

 

"How're things with Niall?" Liam asked carefully

 

Zayn shifted. "They're good," he said simply. He didn't want to tell him anything further than that yet.

 

Liam read Zayn's resistance easily. "Ok," he said gently. "Let's go back in, see how they are."

 

Once inside, they saw that the three had seated themselves. They were huddled over paperwork. Niall looked up and tried to smile at Zayn when he re-entered. He quickly kissed Harry's curls, then rose and approached his friend. "Hey," he sniffed, his eyes red and swollen from crying and his nose in no better condition. Liam gave them their space, going to sit next to Louis to see what they were doing.

 

"Hey," Zayn said with a gentle smile and stroked his arm once. "What are those papers?"

 

"Louis has..." Niall teared up again, but choked it down. "Louis'... Louis' gonna pay for her burial. It'll be nice -- so much nicer that what I could afford. He's gonna put her in that ... That cemetery on the hill that overlooks the zoo." His eyes welled up and the tears spilled out when Niall smiled. "She's gonna overlook the zoo, Zayn!"

 

Zayn's heart broke for the millionth time that day. "That's nice, Ni," he said, voice a bit hoarse. "That's really nice." He stroked Niall's face and then he just pulled him into a tight hug. "She's happier wherever she is."

 

Niall sniffed hard. "Yeah." He pressed his face into Zayn's neck, wanting to tattoo the feel of him into his skin. "We're gonna bury her on Thursday... Will you stay til then?"

 

"Yeah, of course," Zayn said, stroking down his back as he wished he could soak all the pain and grief out of Niall's body. "Of course."

 

Liam was staring at Niall and Zayn, a little uncomfortable. He assumed Niall was just draping himself all over the other boy because he needed comfort, but they looked so natural together -- better than Niall and Harry.

 

Harry was staring too and it made that same old, destructive insecurity fire up inside of him. He tried to fight it off and remind himself that Niall's sister had just passed away and maybe Niall needed some comfort from his best friend. But Harry could comfort him. Harry could do that perfectly well himself, so he didn't understand why Niall was practically fusing his body with Zayn's. He stood it for about two minutes before he got to his feet. "Niall, Louis is almost done. Do you wanna go home?" He approached them and forced himself from ripping Niall to him possessively.

 

Niall peeked up at Harry from over Zayn's shoulder. He wanted to stay here forever, in Zayn's arms. But he remembered -- he couldn't. He couldn't do that to Harry. Moving like every bone in his body ached, he slowly disentangled himself from Zayn. "I'll... I'll see you tomorrow, yeah? At the greenhouse?"

 

Zayn was reluctant to let Niall go and it showed. Harry wanted to kick him in the nuts. "Yeah," Zayn said. "See you." Harry took Niall's hand and pulled him to him. "Let's get you home," he said and traced the tear tracks with a thumb. "Does a nice, warm bath sound appealing?"

 

"You know me so well," Niall smiled, nuzzling into his hand, but watching Zayn leave out of the corner of his eye.

 

The sight irritated Zayn, but then he reminded himself that Niall was Harry's boyfriend and if anything was in the wrong, he was; kissing someone's boyfriend wasn't right no matter what a big douchebag that someone was. He gave Liam a slight nod and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	35. Chapter 35

 

When they arrived home, Harry went upstairs and prepared a nice bath. He found Niall curled into Louis in the living room. "Your bath is ready, love."

 

"You guys spoil me," he said, his voice rich with love. He kissed Louis' cheek and toddled upstairs to Harry, cuddling against his chest a moment before he started to strip. "Will you join me?"

 

"I'd love to," Harry said and peeled off his clothes before he took Niall's hand. They sunk in the bath together, the warm water relaxing against their tense muscles.

 

Niall fought his way between Harry's long legs and pressed himself into his chest. "I feel... I feel like a husk," he said.

 

Harry peppered Niall's neck with tiny, loving kisses. "You'll be alright," he said. "You're very strong."

 

Niall looked up at him. "Tell me about your big day. Tell me something good."

 

Harry smiled a bit wryly. "I wish I could."

 

"Why can't you?" Niall asked. "Didn't all the colleges try to grab you?" That's what he really, really wanted to hear.

 

"I left. My mother’s lawsuit had gone public. Everyone there had read about it in the newspaper." He still felt deeply embarrassed and humiliated. Soon enough, people would know about the details and he'd officially die on the inside.

 

Niall leaned back to look at him. "Gone... public?"

 

"Everyone knows," Harry said bitterly. "And if there's someone who doesn't know, they're going to find out. It's splashed all over the newspapers."

 

"What, all of it?" Niall asked, alarmed.

 

"No, no, not all of it, but who knows, it might only be a matter of time."

 

"They can't-- They can't do that, can they? Like, is the entire trial public knowledge? Maybe your dad will settle out of court. I bet if your mom embarrasses him enough, he will. I mean, he has to."

 

"I have no proper idea how this works," Harry said with a sigh. He was planning to do some research. He'd be damned if he asked his mother.

 

"Let's research before we panic, ok?" Niall asked, stroking his fingers through Harry's curls. "We have to have some way to contact your mom's lawyer. He or she can tell us everything."

 

"That's what I was planning to do," Harry said and kissed Niall's cheek.

 

When Harry pulled back, Niall looked at him -- really looked at him, studied his eyes, his nose, his beautiful lips. It was difficult for him to shake the sensation of being in Zayn's arms, with Zayn's mouth on his. "Harry," Niall said, his fingertips trailing down the swell of Harry's cheek. "Will you do something for me tonight?"

 

"Anything."

 

"Will you.." He touched the tips of his lips to the other boy's, "Will you make love to me tonight?" He needed to stop this chill that was threatening to overtake him. He wanted to feel and fight off this sensation of shutting down. He wanted to trust himself to someone else, to be taken care of, to be loved.

 

Harry stopped breathing for a moment and stared into Niall's blue eyes that seemed to shine a hundred, different and brilliant shades. He cupped his cheek and leaned down to give him a sweet, lingering kiss. "If you're sure," he said.

 

Niall indulged in that kiss, feeling Harry's lips starting to melt him already. "Yes. I want... I want to know you. I want to know... all of you, everything about you..."

 

Harry heart skipped merrily. God. He loved this boy. "Anything you want," he said and pulled back. He climbed out of the bathtub and helped Niall out, drying them both off. He led them into the bedroom and sat them down on the bed. He looked at Niall adoringly. "You're beautiful."

 

Niall blushed and squirmed a little bit. He felt warm when he considered that this was the first week in so long that Harry's father hadn't touched him. When that realization struck him, he sat up on the bed a little bit and said, "I'm all yours, now." Despite everything, he felt liberated. Part of him felt awful feeling this free at his sister's death, but it was so present -- his life was his own, now. "No one will touch me unless I want him to," he said, his voice full of wonder.

 

That made Harry indefinitely happy. "Yes," he said and pushed Niall down on the bed, crawling on top of him. He smiled down at him, tracing his face with his fingers and in wonder at how much he loved this boy. He replaced his fingers with his mouth, kissing Niall's face inch for inch, stroking his fingers through his hair, before he reached his lips and took them in his own, kissing him deeply.

 

Niall sighed in a long, resonant coo. He draped his arms around his lover's neck and kissed him decadently before he started to wiggle, pushing the covers down beneath him so they could crawl beneath and trap the warmth of their bath-heated bodies.

 

Harry pulled away for breath before placing kisses down Niall's neck that was growing gradually hotter and wetter. He took his time, even though his whole body was shaking in anticipation. He reached Niall's chest and kissed the tattoo. "Looks great," he said.

 

"Yeah," Niall said softly, feeling a pang, a corner of his mind wanting to throw off the covers and go fling himself into Zayn's arms. He cleared his throat and sat up a little, urging Harry away from that spot and sweetening the deal by spreading his legs.

 

Harry moved down between Niall's legs and began paying attention to the sweet white insides of his thighs. "So pretty," he said against the soft skin. He moved up and softly, carefully kissed Niall's hole.

 

Niall smiled and purred. He could tell Harry would be a good top. "You've had lots of practice with this, haven't you?" he chided cheekily.

 

Harry smirked. "You have no idea," he said and he was practically salivating to top. He began with small, chaste kisses before he went right to business with his tongue, licking long stripes along his crack and blowing warm air against it, so he could watch it flutter. "Beautiful," he said breathlessly and nudged his tongue inside.

 

Niall felt himself wanting to lock up like he had the first time with Harry. His breathing changed a little bit, to longer, more measured inhales and exhales. He reached down and stroked Harry's curls, watching him, reminding himself that this was Harry, the boy he loved. The boy he felt he was falling in love with. The boy who wasn't Zayn.

 

Harry could feel Niall tensing up and he reached up stroking his tummy gently to calm him down. He peeked up at him and removed his mouth from his crack to ask, "Ok?"

 

Niall took a deep breath. "Yes," he said, letting it out and saying to himself 'no one will ever touch you again unless you want them to'. "Yes. Harry..." He felt his hips relax somewhat, and he gave more of his weight into Harry's hands.

 

Harry went back down and wriggled his tongue into Niall until he was wet and a tiny bit looser. He emerged and kissed Niall briefly before he reached for the lube in Louis' nightstand. He slicked his fingers in the slick substance, teasingly rubbing around Niall's pucker before he let one slide inside, watching Niall.

 

Niall clenched and resisted, clutching Harry's shoulder. But then, after a few breaths, he looked into Harry's beautiful, green eyes and nodded. "Ok," he said softly, ghosting a soft kiss across his lips. "Yes..."

 

"Just relax and trust me," Harry whispered and began moving his finger. "I'll take care of you." He added another finger and began moving it, opening Niall up and kissing his brows to soothe him.

 

Niall cooed and nuzzled against him. "Say it again... Talk to me..."

 

Harry smiled. "You're precious," he said adoringly. He kissed Niall's nose. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again," he said and kissed his mouth. He could feel Niall relax around his fingers, opening up to him and he slowly added a third.

 

"We'll take care of each other, yeah?" Niall panted into Harry's mouth. "Harry..." His hips rolled against Harry's hand, despite the unexpected waves of fear that would pass through him. He braced himself against them and they were gone as soon as they came. As he gazed into Harry's eyes, they occurred with less frequency. "Ready for you..." he said, feeling himself shiver with anticipation.

 

Harry nodded, heart hammering against his chest. He kissed Niall deeply before he pulled away and slicked up his hard cock, giving it a few firm strokes. He grabbed under Niall's knee and opened him up. He aligned the head with Niall's entrance and waited a few seconds in case Niall wanted to stop. Then he pushed himself inside, inch by inch and the feeling was glorious.

 

Niall reached for him, stroking over his face repeatedly and wincing and gasping as he felt himself be breached and filled oh, so slowly. "Harry," he whimpered. "Oh, God, Harry, let me hear your voice..."

 

Harry grunted as he pushed himself all the way in before he let out a deep breath and tried to control the urge to ram into Niall like crazy. He looked down at Niall and stroked his fringe back from his beautiful face. "I love you," he said and leaned down to kiss him powerfully. "God. I fall in love with you over and over again every morning that I wake up to you next to me."

 

Niall collected him close, loving the feeling of Harry's weight on top of him. He let his head fall back against the pillow long enough to let out a moan that came from the pit of him. "I love you too," he gasped. "Oh, God, Harry... Take me..."

 

That's all Harry had been waiting for and he began moving inside of Niall, setting a slow, deep pace and absolutely relishing in the way Niall's face curled in pleasure. "You're so beautiful, so, so beautiful, God, I'm so lucky to have you."

 

"Do you like my ass, Harry?" Niall panted out softly.

 

"Love it," Harry said with a soft groan. "Never had anything better." He slammed into Niall harder, wanting to hear him cry out.

 

Harry got his wish and Niall let out a yelp that was no doubt making Louis uncomfortable downstairs. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, Harry! Tell me you miss my cock!" He didn't know why that suddenly became important to hear.

 

Harry hid his chortle in Niall’s neck. "I wish we could have it both ways," he whispered, spreading Niall's thigh wider open and pulling his knees back, nearly folding him in half. "God, you feel so good around me."

 

Niall laughed softly, wondering if he was actually feeling competitive with his own lover. But his chuckle faded fast when Harry pushed into him just right and he let out a whinny that got the neighbor dog barking. "Harry! More! Oh, god!"

 

Harry gave him what he wanted and shifted around, desperate to find that little spot that'd drive him wild. Once he found it, he drove into it mercilessly, making the sweat glisten on his chest and dampen his curls.

 

Niall's eyes screwed shut at pleasure that was almost unbearable. He gripped onto Harry's shoulders and cried out in a way that could be mistaken for pain. Frankly, Niall was on the border and he was loving it. "Ha--" He was too far gone to even say his lover's name as he was thrashed back into the mattress and after three high pitched, rhythmic squeaks, he was coming, his hole gripping and trembling around Harry's thrusting rod.

 

Harry stubbornly tried to last longer, but despite his efforts, he only managed a few more sloppy thrusts before the waves of orgasm crashed over him too and he stuffed his cock deep inside Niall, filling him up. Once he was done, he gasped after air, trying desperately to keep his weight from crushing his lover underneath him. He looked down at Niall and he'd never seen anything more gorgeous. He smiled down at him. "Hi, beautiful."

 

"Don't go, don't go," Niall said, feeling Harry, in an attempt to be chivalrous, pulling out and shifting his weight from off of him. To keep him close, Niall wrapped his legs and his arms around him, determined to stay buried under Harry's body. "Don't go," he said again, willing to gasp for air a little harder if it meant having Harry close.

 

Harry chuckled softly and brushed Niall's sweaty hair back from his face so he could place a sweet kiss on his forehead. "Ok," he said, smiling. He kissed his nose and then his mouth. "I won't go anywhere."

 

Niall kissed him over and over until he had caught his breath and his skin was no longer burning. "You're a magnificent lay, Harry Styles," he said into his mouth. "But you totally miss my cock, don't you?"

 

Harry laughed. "If I didn't know better, I would say you're afraid I won't ever bottom again."

 

"Maybe a little. You seem pretty taken with this whole topping business."

 

"I love your cock," Harry said with a slight chuckle. "I will let you top...once every other month." At Niall's expression, he laughed. "I'm teasing you. Come on, you know I'm a total cock slut for you."

 

"That's right you are," Niall laughed, reaching down to tickle Harry's side and making him wiggle.

 

Harry smiled and nibbled Niall's neck. He lifted his head and looked down at him. "You're going to be alright," he said. He needed Niall to believe that.

 

Niall took a deep breath. "So are you. So are you, Harry."

 

~*~

 

Niall had been a little obnoxious when Harry was leaving for school. He kept pulling on him, delaying him, and frankly being such a needy little shit that he couldn't stand himself. After Harry and Louis left for school, Niall had gone back into bed and cried for a good hour, then slept for an hour more. When he woke, he was agitated and claustrophobic and all he could think to do was to go to the greenhouse and invest himself in plants.

 

Zayn had gone straight to Caleb's apartment after yesterday and talked to him about everything that had happened; Amy's death, Niall, his meeting with Liam until he'd curled up in bed with Caleb. Caleb left in the early hours of the morning for school and Zayn slept in until he got up and went to the greenhouse. Niall was there when he arrived and he smiled. "Hey!”

 

Niall had been holding the same plant in his hand, staring at it for about a half an hour. When he looked up, he ached. "Hey, Zayn," he returned the smile. "You look -- shit, you look great." He actually did. For once, Zayn looked in good shape, like he'd slept, he'd eaten, he was even, possibly, happy.

 

"Thanks," Zayn said and glanced at the plant in Niall's hand. He walked up and took it, studying Niall. "How are you feeling?" he asked, gently stroking his knuckles along his cheek.

 

"I don't know," Niall said, honestly. "I go through waves. I feel crazy. One moment, I feel like everything's ok, and I know my sister is in heaven and my life is new. The next minute I'm not sure why I'm still alive or what I'm going to do next. I'm a little... Oh, God, Zayn, I'm scared and lost..."

 

Zayn nodded in understanding. "That's completely normal," he said, stroking down Niall's arms. "You just lost your sister and you're grieving. Scream. Cry. Do whatever you have to do but always remember that you aren't alone, ok? I'm here."

 

Niall winced. "Yeah. You're confusing, too." He took the plant back from Zayn and went to sit on the sofa. "I let Harry fuck me last night. He has a nice, thick cock, you know?"

 

Zayn froze. He turned to stare at Niall. "What?" he asked. "Why would you do that?"

 

Niall looked up at him. "Why would I do what? Let my boyfriend fuck me?"

 

Zayn realized that maybe he'd read all wrong into everything. "But yesterday...I thought," he paused because he wasn't sure exactly what he thought. "I thought it meant something." That something being that Niall was going to break up with Harry and they were finally going to leave this dead-beat town once and for all.

 

Niall looked up at him, then looked away as if Zayn burned his eyes. "Zayn, just... Stay. Please, God, Zayn, just stay... I need... I need time."

 

"Time for what?" Zayn asked, just the slightest bit frustrated.

 

"To figure this out," Niall moaned. Then, he rose and shifted to a sudden anger and slammed the terra cotta pot in his hand down hard on the table. "Dammit, Zayn, why didn't you just -- why didn't you just love me from the start!? I would've stood by you! Through everything, Zayn, through goddamn fucking everything! What the fuck was so special about Liam!? You knew he was in love with Louis, but you threw me over for him? Dammit! Dammit, Zayn! And you come to me now, after I start something real with Harry, the fucking day my sister dies, and ask me to come away with you?" There were tears streaming down his face, but he was so exhausted with them and he scrubbed at his face ferociously with his sleeve. "What the fuck are you trying to pull?"

 

Zayn was a bit shocked by the sudden outburst. "I know that I don't deserve much now, after everything that's happened. I know that I'm fucking everything up. Last time was just...not the right time or place for me. I was confused. A lot. Well, I'm still confused, but less so." He stepped forward cautiously as if he was afraid that Niall might attack him. "All I'm certain about is that I want you to come with me and I know that I'm being incredibly selfish to put you through this. I'm sorry."

 

"I'm not going with you to lose Harry and have you decide three days later that you like girls," Niall sniffed. "Or that boy over there, or that one with the pecs."

 

"Well, if that's how little you think of me then maybe you shouldn't come with me," Zayn said, but cursed under his breath. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I wouldn't do that to you."

 

"Do you really want me, Zayn? After all this time, is it real? Or do you just want your old friend with you and you're baiting me?" He just sounded broken, now. He had his face stuffed into the sleeve of his shirt and he was shaking pitifully.

 

Zayn walked up to him and removed his arm from his face. "You know I'm not that cruel," he said softly. "Yes. I want you after all this time. I need you to come with me."

 

Quite against his will, Niall was captivated. He stared at Zayn's full, rosy lips, and the way he was gazing at him with such intensity. Niall felt a burning for him in the center of hips and he knew that right now, he needed Zayn, too. He needed to have him, even if it was just once. He felt in his heart of hearts that Zayn was his soulmate, probably his one true love and right now, he positively needed him, even if fate was determined to part them shortly after. He closed his eyes, partially to keep that horrible need at bay and partially to give Zayn permission to take whatever of him he wanted.

 

Zayn kissed him then, because he couldn't resist. Niall was beautiful when he was vulnerable. He was beautiful when Zayn could see the most valuable parts of him. He pulled him close by his hip and curled a hand around the back of his neck, kissing him deeply.

 

Niall moaned softly into his mouth and gave himself over to Zayn's arms. He kissed him back, deeply, lovingly, and curled his hand in Zayn's thick, black hair. "Zayn," Niall panted against his lips, when they parted briefly, just needing to say his name.

 

Zayn kissed down Niall's face, his breath coming in hot, breathy pants. "Can I see the tattoo?" He asked, his hand dipping under Niall's shirt.

 

Niall nodded and wiggled free of the garment, baring himself to the cold air. The ink was still raised and looked almost plastic from the scarring. It was beautiful, so proud and prominent against his pale skin.

 

Zayn stared at it, enhanced by it. He trailed the ink with his fingers. It had turned out a lot better than he'd even imagined it would. "Gorgeous," he said softly and dipped down, tracing it with his mouth instead.

 

Niall gasped, transfixed by the sight and sensation of Zayn's beautiful mouth sliding hotly against his skin. He stroked Zayn's hair and panted wantonly, "Can I see yours?"

 

Zayn lifted his head and kissed Niall's lips. "Yeah," he said breathlessly and pulled up in his shirt, dipping his boxers that were peeking over his jeans down to reveal the tattoo on his hip bone.

 

It was Niall's turn to explore, first with his fingers, then with his lips, just as Zayn' had done. On his knees, he laved the smooth spot with his tongue and unzipped Zayn's fly so he could work his pants lower and, hopefully, off him entirely.

 

Zayn let out a small, breathy moan, staring down at Niall with hooded eyes. Niall on his knees was definitely one of Zayn's favorite sights. He stroked through his hair, gently, affectionately.

 

Zayn's pets were the best and Niall could've stayed on his knees before him forever. He slowly and gently worked to untie Zayn's shoes and pull them off his feet, then work his pants and shorts down until Zayn could easily kick out of them. Only then did Niall turn his attention to Zayn's beautiful cock, which was already dusky and rising. He took it in his hand and stroked it, kissing the crown and down the shaft with gentle, loving kisses.

 

The air in the greenhouse was semi-cold and licking up Zayn's gradually heating up skin. It was arousing. Niall's on his knees and with his hand wrapped around him was arousing. He moaned at Niall's gentle ministrations and all he could think about was how much he wanted his dick inside Niall's mouth.

 

He wasn't left unsatisfied for long. Niall looked up at him with sultry eyes and slipped the head of his dick in his mouth. He sucked him down slowly, scooping up Zayn's butt in his hands to give himself leverage -- and because Zayn's butt was fantastic. He purred as he took it deeper into his mouth and gave him a slight alteration of the amazing blow job he had given Zayn all those months ago.

 

Zayn's lashes fluttered in pleasure. "Fuck," he breathed, amazed that Niall's mouth felt better than he'd remembered it. He was sure that there was no one in the world that could give him one compared to Niall's. "So good," he said, his gentle caresses through the blond locks turned slightly rougher as he fisted him tighter, pushing his dick deeper.

 

Niall let Zayn use his mouth as he pleased, and encouraged him to fuck forward with his hips. He fondled Zayn's balls with one hand before reaching up to rub at the root of his shaft with the other. He took Zayn deep, keeping his throat relaxed and his cheeks tight.

 

Zayn couldn’t have lasted longer if he wanted to; and he did. His grip in Niall's hair tightened as his balls tucked up and he came hard into Niall's mouth, gasping.

 

That wasn't what Niall had intended. He hadn't thought Zayn would come so fast -- he had wanted so much to have his friend inside him the way Harry had been last night. Still, he swallowed gratefully and gently released him from his mouth when he began to soften.

 

Zayn pulled Niall up and licked his mouth clean of his taste, before he pulled away and kissed Niall's cheek. "You're so good at that," he said, awed. He reached down and rubbed the bulge between Niall's legs. "I'd give you one, but I'm embarrassingly bad at it." He hadn't done it since his time with Liam.

 

Niall nuzzled him and tugged him back over to the sofa, lying down and pulling Zayn on top of him. He buried his face in his neck and cradled him in his hips, stroking up and down his beautiful flesh and gently rolling his hips. "Do you think... Do you think you could go again...? In a little bit?" He really, really wanted Zayn inside him -- wanted to feel him deeply and he wanted his come; perhaps as a momento.

 

Zayn realized what Niall wanted and smirked a bit, peppering his neck with tiny kisses. "Yeah, just give me some time," he said and nuzzled Niall's lips. "Or you could always show me the power top you told me you were," he said, partly teasing, partly considering what he'd like best; to be inside of Niall or have Niall inside of him.

 

Niall pushed his hands up Zayn's hoodie and stroked his chest. "Oh... That's right -- Liam. I never would've taken you for a bottom..."

 

"I wouldn't have taken for you for a top. Like, ever," Zayn said.

 

Niall smiled and nuzzled him, "I can't help it, H--" But he dropped off. 'Harry brings it out in me' was not the appropriate thing to say right now. "It surprised me too," he concluded, diplomatically.

 

"There's been a lot of surprised this past year, huh," Zayn said and kissed the freckles on Niall's shoulder. "Crazy year."

 

Niall cradled his jaw in his hands and kissed him soundly. "Do you want me to take you, Zayn? Is that really what you want?"

 

Zayn's lashes fluttered. "I want whatever you want," he said, deciding that he was ready to top or bottom at Niall's request.

 

"I want you inside me," Niall whispered, feeling somewhat selfish. He wanted to feel the ache, wanted to feel just how hard Zayn would be inside him, how fiercely he would take him.

 

In response Zayn kissed Niall deeply. "And you'll get what you want," he said and began kissing down Niall's body, paying special attention to the tattooed area before he moved on and ghosted his lips over Niall's dick. He was aware that he hadn't topped a guy yet, but he figured it couldn't be that much different from a girl. "Do we have lube?"

 

"I... Yeah, in the bathroom... I'm loose, though..." He blushed a bit. Harry had done quite a number on him last night and he felt a stab of guilt cut him right through his guts. But when he looked down at Zayn he knew he needed this -- at least once in his life, he needed this.

 

Zayn wasn't happy to be reminded of that. He spread Niall's thighs further and experimentally slipped a finger inside of him. And Niall was indeed loose. Zayn was convinced he could slip his dick inside of him without it hurting. He wriggled his finger inside of him, intrigued at how different it was from a girl.

 

Niall squeezed down on him affectionately, giving him a soft smile. "I'll still need a little something," he said, knowing Zayn didn't know sex with boys and that his previous comment could have been misleading.

 

Zayn looked up. "Like what?" He asked cluelessly, slipping another finger alongside the first.

 

Niall hissed a bit and said swiftly, "Lube! Lube, Zayn, I'm not like a girl," he smiled a bit. "Remember how it is?" he asked, alluding to when he assumed Zayn had lots of sex with Liam.

 

"Sorry. It's different being on top," he said and pulled his fingers out as gently as he could. "And so not like a girl. I'll get the lube." He kissed Niall's nose and went to the bathroom. He returned with the lube and crawled back between Niall's legs. "Ok, let's try again." He slicked his fingers and dipped them back inside Niall, watching Niall's face for clues.

 

Niall's jaw dropped and he looked momentarily shocked until his eyes fluttered closed and he lifted himself slightly before relaxing and sinking back down on Zayn's fingers. "Oh... Oh, good..." He reached for the lube and greased up his hand, to better stroke Zayn's cock. He was gentle, knowing Zayn had just come and perhaps wasn't ready to be touched just yet.

 

The skin on his dick was sensitive to the touch, but still reacted eagerly to Niall's hand. He began moving the fingers inside of Niall, the way he would when fingering a girl, hoping that he was doing something right. By pure beginner's luck, his fingers bumped against Niall's spot.

 

Niall stiffened as a bolt of pleasure shot through him, then he melted back against the sofa, his legs splaying out and he purred, "Oh, yeah, Zayn...." None of the fears or insecurities he had had with Harry were present with Zayn -- not a single flashback or unwanted association.

 

"Feels good, huh?" Zayn said and couldn't but feel proud that he was getting those expressions out of Niall. He leaned down and kissed his open mouth, rubbing against that spot till Niall was shaking.

 

Niall thrashed his hips back on Zayn's hand, abandoning his cock so he could grab Zayn's face and kiss and whine into his mouth. "Want you," he babbled. "Get on top me.. Get inside me, I need you, Zayn, God, I need you...!"

 

Zayn chuckled breathlessly at how desperate Niall was and how hot he was when he was so desperate. He pulled his fingers out and lubed his cock. "Ok, here I come," he said as way of warning. He put his head at Niall's entrance, took a deep breath and began pushing in. He gasped softly. It was harder getting inside than any girl he'd ever been with. "Jesus, Niall."

 

For Niall, this was loose. He flexed his hips, pushing out to help Zayn sink deeper in and he purred. "Oh, God, that fits so good..." His toes were curling against Zayn's calves and he watched Zayn's face, hoping to catch traces of pleasure there.

 

The grip around him was absolutely delicious and he never realized he'd missed being on top and in control before now. He pushed forward until he was all the way in and then he exhaled deeply. He looked down at Niall. "I thought you told me you were loose," he said, smirking.

 

"I am," Niall sighed, squeezing down on Zayn with a loving ripple. "God damn, you feel.. you feel..." 'right' is what he wanted to say, but it wouldn't come out. "Please... Zayn..."

 

Zayn obeyed and began moving his hips, pushing in and out of Niall steadily. He sighed. "You feel so fucking perfect, babe," he said. He dipped down and kissed Niall wetly, hungrily.

 

"You're hard," Niall panted into his mouth. "I can feel you're so... You're so fucking hard..." He couldn't help but be surprised.

 

Zayn smiled and then he really got into it, punching in and out of Niall with the determination to make him come harder than he ever had. His hand felt up Niall's body hungrily, pawing on his hot skin and kissing everywhere his mouth could reach. "You think of this," he panted against his temple. "You think of this when you're with him. You think of this and accept what you really want."

 

"Zayn," Niall said, the wind absolutely knocked out of him by those words. "Zayn," he whimpered, hiding in his neck, his hole gripping around his lover inside him. "Oh, God... I love you!" He was so close, his mind racing and his body on fire as Zayn rocked him, driving him to new heights.

 

Zayn panted harshly against Niall's neck, sweat dripping from his temples. "Come on, come on," he urged, knocking harder into Niall, his cock swelling inside of him. "Need you to come for me, babe."

 

"Oh, God!" Niall gasped, arching back as he felt Zayn swell and that was what he needed -- even if Zayn didn't return his 'I love you', he needed to feel this. It absolutely blew his mind and, throwing his head back with a sob, Niall came, shooting hard between them, his feet flying out and his hole gripping wantonly.

 

Zayn choked when Niall's hole spasmed around him and he came as well, shooting his load deep inside of Niall. He gasped for breath, his forehead against Niall's rapidly heaving chest. "That was....fucking amazing," he said after a few moments.

 

It took Niall a few moments to come down and all he could do was nuzzle and pant. When he finally blinked back into awareness, he stroked his beloved's face and cooed, "Zayn..." before kissing him softly, sweetly.

 

They stayed like that for a small while, kissing and nuzzling. Zayn pulled back and looked down at Niall's face, bright-eyed, "Did I ever tell you you're really fucking gorgeous?"

 

"No. No, this is definitely the first time you've ever told me that..." He smiled happily and leaned in for another kiss. "Thank you, Zayn," he said against his lips.

 

Zayn nodded and kissed Niall's forehead. "Ok, babe," he said and made himself comfortable, half of him still draped across Niall's body.

 

Niall curled up around him and tucked in close as if he could defend him from the world. He could have stayed curled under Zayn for the rest of his life without complaint. However, a look at the clock told him that Harry's school would be breaking for lunch soon. Not only did Niall want to make sales, but he didn't want Harry showing up at the greenhouse and finding them like this. "I should probably..." Niall muttered softly into Zayn's caramel skin.

 

Zayn had nearly fallen asleep, so comfortable right where he was. "Hm?" He blinked up at Niall, "No. Stay,” he muttered and nuzzled Niall's mouth.

 

Niall kissed him warmly, dragging his lips across the other boy's. "I'd love to -- I can't. We have a lot of people expecting their shipments..."

 

Zayn sighed. "They can wait," he said and dragged his finger along the outline of Niall's tattoo.

 

"We need the money, Zayn," Niall said softly. It was true; Niall still had to pay off the remaining medical bills without Ray's help and if Zayn was leaving, he needed all the cushion he could get.

 

Zayn stubbornly stayed where he was for a few more minutes before he reluctantly removed himself. "I'm going to see if I can sell some to Caleb's college friends." In the short time before his departure, it was just about selling everything he could, to everyone he could.

 

"This business," Niall said, sitting up, suddenly feeling how naked he was without Zayn's body atop him, "is really, really good, Zayn. We're both going to have a few thousand dollars between us by the end of the month -- that's real income. It seems... It just seems foolish to leave it..."

 

Zayn handed Niall his clothes and began pulling on his own. "It seems more foolish to stay somewhere where you don't see any future," he muttered and fingered his hair, trying to tame it a bit. "I think a part of me has been wanting to leave for a long time now."

 

Niall didn't want to get into this conversation again, but he felt Zayn wasn't seeing the whole picture. "But there is a future here, Zayn! The money we're bringing in -- you could have an apartment in less than a week, if you wanted it. Zayn... Zayn, look at me," he said, abandoning zipping up his pants to grip Zayn's shoulders. "You could save up for college -- College, Zayn. Without your parents, without anyone. Do you understand how much money we're going to make? Even if you have to leave, do it in a year when you have the money to buy a place and start over! Stay!"

 

Zayn stared steadily at Niall. "Yeah? And what are you going to be doing in that year, Niall? Being with Harry and cheating on him with me?"

 

Niall winced at the well-pointed barb. "I don't know, Zayn. I don't know what will happen between all of us, I just... I just want you to stay."

 

Zayn shook his head and grabbed his jacket. "I don't want to," he said. "And maybe you should consider breaking up with Harry. Rip the bandage off at once rather than doing it slowly. It'd be less painful. He's not my favorite person, but he doesn't deserve this."

 

"Don't tell me what to do about Harry," Niall said, his voice like jagged ice.

 

Zayn was a bit put off by that tone. "I'm not," he said. "I'm just...I'm just gonna go. Do you want me to drop you off?"

 

Niall took a deep breath, trying to thaw himself out. "Yes," he said, pulling his sweater over his head. "Please."

 

Zayn pulled his beanie over his tousled hair and lead the way to the car.

 

The car ride was starchy with silence. When they pulled up to the school, Niall saw Harry and Louis huddled beneath a tree. Nicole was there, stroking across Harry's shoulders and Niall wondered if the entire school had heard the news about Harry's parents. Niall had filled Zayn in on the whole affair, as well as Harry’s dreams of Oxford. "Um... I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Niall asked. "I have some questions about grafting I wanted to ask you... if you're free."

 

"Yeah," Zayn said slowly. "I'll text you if I find time."

 

As if Zayn was terribly busy. "Ok," Niall said, trying to not sound skeptical. "I'll see you later, then. Bye, Zayn..." He reached out and squeezed Zayn's forearm affectionately. Then he slipped from the car and walked over to Harry, hunkering down in his coat.

 

~*~

 

Harry saw him approaching and immediately felt in a much better mood. "Hi, love," he said with a half smile.

 

"Hey, beautiful," Niall said, more or less wedging Nicole out of the way so he could take Harry in his arms and kiss him softly. "How are you?"

 

"I've been better," Harry said with a sigh and nuzzled into Niall. "How are you holding up?"

 

Niall nodded. 'Better since I let Zayn drill me with his cock' certainly wasn't the appropriate response. "I've been alright. Worked in the greenhouse all day. I have... Y'know, goods for everyone. How are you?" He stroked Harry's cheek, pink from the cold.

 

"His parents are tearing his empire apart, how do you think he is?" Nicole sneered at him, when she finally tore her eyes away from Zayn driving off.

 

"Chill, Nic," Louis said and rolled his eyes a bit. "It's not the world's end. It's gonna be alright."

 

"Yeah, sure," Harry said with a scoff. "My name is going to be dragged through the mud. If this effects my chances of getting into my college, I'm going to kill someone," he muttered darkly.

 

"It'll probably help," Niall smiled up at him. "It'll be printed in all the papers, the school will get prolific.”

 

"This is not how I want to be noticed," Harry said.

 

"Hey, all publicity is good publicity," Louis said and got a scowl for that.

 

Niall leaned in and kissed his cheek. "You'll be ok, Harry. Even if you don't get into Oxford, you'll get into a good school. Anyone would be a fool not to take you

 

"It's the only one I applied for," Harry said. "Either it's that one or nothing."

 

"Harry," Niall closed his eyes. "Apply for more. Tonight. I'll help you. Don't shoot yourself in the foot, baby."

 

"I don't want any other school," Harry said firmly. "I want that one. I have to get in no matter what it takes."

 

Niall had to ask himself at this point how he managed to attract such unreasonable men who were clearly their own worst enemies. "Okay, baby," Niall said, giving Louis a look that said, 'You'll help me with this if it all falls apart, yeah?'

 

Louis sighed deeply. He had a feeling things were bound to fall apart one way or another. "Harry, Niall is right-"

 

"Stay out of it, Louis." Harry cut him off sharply and Louis looked deeply offended.

 

Niall stroked Harry's ribs to console him. "It's alright. We'll work it out. Everything will work out. Look... I need to make some deliveries. But we'll all hang out tonight, yeah? I'll make some pasta and we can all watch a movie and get high and relax. How does that sound?"

 

Harry exhaled slowly and tried to relax, but it wasn't easy. He nodded and smiled gratefully up at Niall. "I haven't heard anything better all morning," he said and kissed Niall softly on the lips.

 

Niall kissed him back, guilt stabbing him like an icicle to the gut. "Um... I should probably go... drop this stuff off," he said, gesturing to his backpack. "See you guys after school?"

 

Louis gave Niall a quick hug. Harry kissed Niall again, "Love you," he whispered, before he trailed after Louis’ already retreating form.

 

~*~

 

Harry drove Niall to the greenhouse before school the next morning and Niall could barely lift his eyes. He was so conflicted inside, so scared and he felt so incapable of dealing with it. "You sure you're ok taking school off tomorrow for the funeral?" Niall asked. "I know your grades are important right now..."

 

"This is more important," Harry said and took Niall's hand, giving it a soft squeeze. "One day won't hurt me."

 

Niall kissed his knuckles. "Ok. I'll see you after school?"

 

"Yeah." Harry leaned in and gave him a soft kiss.

 

Niall kissed him back gently. "Love you," he whispered before he pulled away, which was unusual for him to say unprompted.

 

Harry studied Niall for a moment. "Love you, too."

 

Niall stroked his cheek and, with obvious reluctance, dragged himself out of the car and waved goodbye. He turned to the building, not ready to face Zayn, not certain he could resist him.

 

Zayn was inside, in the middle of tending to the plants. He looked up when Niall entered, "Hey."

 

"Hey," Niall said, trying to get a read on what Zayn was feeling.

 

Zayn straightened up and reached for a towel, cleaning his dirty hands. "A few of Caleb's friends came over last night. Sold a lot. Obviously not for the same price as those rich kids, but good business nonetheless." He tossed the dirty towel on the table and asked nonchalantly, "What were you up to last night?"

 

Niall blushed a bit. He'd spent most of last night entangled with Harry in some way. At first they'd been a bit disheartened when Louis had told them that they had been relegated to the downstairs fold-away bed, since it was colder downstairs and the bed was lumpy and springy. But Harry and Niall had christened it and kept each other warm, snuggling and trying to make each other laugh. "Y'know. Just hung out."

 

Zayn stared at Niall. "Yeah? Sounds like fun. Who fucked who?" Zayn had tried to pretend like he didn't want to know, but he did want to know. Badly.

 

Niall hadn't let Harry anywhere near his ass last night for fear he might find evidence of what Niall had done. "Zayn," Niall said, his voice heavy. "Don't do that."

 

"Don't do what, Niall? I'm just asking you a question," he said and shrugged.

 

"No, you're guilting me." He just didn't know if Zayn was trying to make him feel guilty for having slept with him or guilty for leaving him to go back to be with Harry.

 

Zayn sighed. "Did he get in to his fancy college?"

 

"We don't know. We'll find out soon," Niall hugged himself and stood foolishly in the center of the room. "I'm sorry, Zayn. I shouldn't've... I just... I'm sorry for everything."

 

"You shouldn't have what? Slept with me? It's done, Niall. And tomorrow is your sister's funeral and your boyfriend is going away to college. I'm sorry, but there's no more time left."

 

"Why are you so angry with me?" Niall demanded.

 

"Seriously?" Zayn scoffed incredulously. "Because you don't seem to realize that you can't have us both. Are you even aware of that?"

 

"Of course I am! I'm acutely fucking aware of that, Zayn, but I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! I swore to Harry I would stay by him. I told him I love him, and I do, Zayn, I do! And his parents -- what he's going through with his dad, which I feel responsible for, I can't leave him in the middle of that! I mean... I told him everything -- everything, Zayn and he didn't leave me. Do you know... do you know what that means? What that feels like? To have someone find out the ugliest, most horrible part of you and to still love you? He freaked out when I told him, he left and I didn't think I would ever see him again, but he came back and he gathered me up in his arms and he kissed me and promised me no one would ever hurt me again. He did that for me, Zayn. He... He gave up everything for me. For some useless, whoring street rat. That... That... How could I possibly leave him now?"

 

Zayn stared at Niall. He supposed that he was being a home-wrecker or whatever the fuck it was called. He supposed he didn't have the right to turn around after all this time and demand that Niall chose him over Harry, who had impressed Zayn, begrudgingly so, by staying with Niall after finding out about everything. Zayn ran a hand through his hair and stared at one of the plants for a few moments. "I guess you can't." He swallowed a bit. "And I don't blame you at all."

 

Niall winced and dropped his head in shame. "Yeah... I just... I know I'll... I'll pine for you for the rest of my life..."

 

Zayn dragged a hand down his face. "Jesus...Don't say that." He walked up to Niall and kissed his temple, sighing softly. "You'll be fine."

 

"It's true," Niall whispered under his breath.

 

Zayn tilted Niall's face to his and kissed him softly. "No. You're going to be alright. You'll look back at this in a few years and you'll know I'm right."

 

Niall stroked his fingertips down Zayn's cheek and muttered darkly against his lips, "I love you. I will always, always love you more than anything in the world."

 

Zayn kissed him again. Harder. "This will be a high school love in a few years and you'll move on and you'll love other people and they'll love you."

 

Niall shook his head. "No. No, no. No," he said adamantly, taking hold of Zayn's hoodie in his fists and kissing him fiercely, sealing a promise.

 

Zayn broke the kiss, panting softly. "Yes," he said fiercely. "I need you to believe that. I need you to believe that with time, everything is going to be alright."

 

Niall winced and looked away. He knew Zayn was trying to protect him, trying to give him room to heal, but it felt like a rejection. Like Zayn didn't want, wouldn't accept his love. "Fine," Niall said, backing away. "Have it your way. It's a cold, dark world."

 

It hurt in very specific ways, but Zayn ignored it as much as he could. He looked at his best friend. "Yeah...I think we've known that for a while now."

 

Niall put his face in his hands. "What about you, Zayn?"

 

Zayn looked up, tired. "What about me?"

 

"What... Do you... Do you love me?" He just wanted something to keep him warm when Harry was in England.

 

Zayn looked at Niall for some time before he reached out and pulled him back in his arms. "Yes," he said and kissed Niall meaningfully. "I love you. And it makes this so much harder."

 

Niall burrowed into his embrace, finding such comfort there. "Promise you'll come back," he whispered. "Promise you'll come see me. Promise we'll always be in each other's lives."

 

Zayn didn't know if that was such a good idea. If there was a point to it at all. He nodded nonetheless, "Promise."

 

"Zayn," Niall said, gripping his hoodie and making him lift his head. "Look me in the eye and promise me. I can't bear the thought of never seeing you again. I have to know you're ok."

 

Zayn reluctantly met Niall's eyes. He knew he needed to know if Niall was alright and even then, a part of him didn't want to come back and find Niall completely alright without him. He stroked down his cheek and nodded, "Promise."

 

Niall felt warm inside in a way he hadn't in a long time. "I miss you already," he said, tucking himself into Zayn's neck. "Will you give me a hoodie of yours or something? Just something I can snuggle when I wish you were with me."

 

Zayn smiled into Niall's hair and kissed the crown of his head. "Of course," he  muttered. He held him tight to him and sighed softly. "I'm gonna miss you like crazy."

 

Niall kissed into his neck. "I'm always here for you, Zayn. Always, always." He stroked over the angles of his handsome face. "I hope you find what it is you're looking for."

 

Zayn squeezed him for a minute. "Yeah," he said softly. He wished he knew where he should start looking and maybe it'd be easier if he knew exactly what he was looking for.

 

"Since this is probably our last day together... Is it weird that I want to spend it just on that sofa with you? Snuggling?"

 

"Not at all." Zayn took Niall's hand and lead him to the sofa where they laid down together. Zayn pushed his face into the crook of Niall's neck and inhaled the familiar scent of him.

 

Niall tangled himself into Zayn as fiercely as he could. "If... If Harry goes away for college... Will you visit and keep me company?"

 

Zayn looked up at Niall through his lashes. "I don't know where I'll be at that point, but I'll visit you when I get the chance. Promise."

 

Niall smiled. "Do you have any idea what you're going to do? The first train ticket you'll buy?"

 

Zayn shrugged, "I think I'll head west. Maybe some nice beach in California or something. It's so cold here in Jersey. I'd like to end up in Europe at some point. I imagine I'd meet some likeable people that I could travel with and I'd send you loads of postcards. Maybe letters. I've always been fascinated with that lost art. But don't worry about me. I'm sure having a pretty face won't hurt in this superficial world."

 

Niall laughed softly. "Your face is the prettiest," he said, petting Zayn's cheeks. He really meant it.

 

Zayn smiled softly. "Thanks. I'll make sure to use it to my advantage."

 

After the gentlest, warmest kiss Zayn had ever received in his life, Niall tucked his head into Zayn's neck and said, "I love you," before spending the next several hours cuddling hard against him, memorizing every one of his body signatures to cherish in his heart forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> PS: It ain't over yet ;)


	36. Chapter 36

Niall had dozed in Zayn's arms. When he woke, it was squarely in the afternoon and he heard the birds that had made themselves a home in the rafters of their greenhouse -- Niall hadn't had the heart to kick them out. The sun was at an angle, but flattered Zayn's perfect features as he slept. He traced over them delicately, knowing Zayn's was a face he would never forget.

 

Zayn stirred awake at the gentle touched and blinked at Niall. He smiled. "Hey," and looked around, "What time is it?"

 

"Nearly five, I think. Harry will probably be here soon to pick me up."

 

Zayn sat up a little and rubbed a hand down his eyes. "Time flies," he muttered and sighed. "Drives me crazy. I feel so old."

 

"Really? I feel so young sometimes. Like... How am I supposed to deal with all of this responsibility?" he laughed softly, sitting up with him. He heard Harry's slick BMW pull up out front and sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked.

 

Zayn nodded and stole a quick kiss. "Tomorrow." Just as he pulled away, Harry strode inside looking like the sun was shining from his insides and the grin on his lips was ear-splitting. Zayn didn't remember seeing anyone that happy ever.

 

"Hi, beautiful!" Niall laughed because, in that moment, Harry looked like an angel descended from the heavens. He got off the sofa and took the boy in his arms, even though Harry felt so sparkly, it was impossible to contain him. "What's up?"

 

Harry kissed Niall briefly and he was nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Guess what happened," he said in a barely contained voice. Before Niall could even attempt to guess, he went on, "I just got the letter today. From Oxford." His eyes were sparkling. "Early acceptance! I got in! I got in!"

 

"Oh, my god!" Niall laughed, Harry's excitement was infectious. "Congratulations, baby! Oh, congratulations!" He looked over at Zayn, wanting to share the joy.

 

Zayn got to his feet and nodded at Harry. "Congrats, man," he said sincerely and Harry beamed at him, which felt weird since all he usually got from his was scowls and sneers. "Thanks!" Harry turned to Niall and hugged him. "Louis got in his college, too. Payne as well."

 

"So... All three of you are going off to college? Out of state?" he asked, feeling suddenly very alone. "In... In less than a year...?"

 

"Louis is in state and I think he first starts up around winter, so he'll be close," Harry said.

 

"Where is Liam going?" Zayn asked, reluctantly curious.

 

"Probably same place as Louis."

 

"We can... We can talk about this at home," Niall said, squeezing Harry's hand. He was so happy for him, but after the loss of his sister, he was acutely aware of how this would take Harry out of his life as well.

 

"Yeah, let's go." Harry said. While he was over the moon that he got into the college he'd dreamed of for years, he also knew that it'd mean he'd see very little of the boy he loved so much. He hoped they could find a solution to that.

 

Niall nodded and turned to Zayn. "Look, if you need anything -- I mean anything, Zayn, please call me. Let me know, ok?"

 

"Sure." Zayn smiled at Niall and gave him a brief wave as he watched him leave with Harry. He stood there for a little while before he grabbed his jacket and left as well. He had a lot of things he needed to get done.

 

~*~

 

Niall listened as Harry prattled on during the ride home. He listened to how this meant he could get out of the states while the divorce proceedings went through, how he could get an education good enough to support him even if his father denied him his fortune, how the school was willing to work with him in his precarious financial state. Niall was happy for Harry. He truly was. When they got out of the car, they ran into Louis and Liam, who looked like they were on their way out.

 

"Where are you guys going?" Niall asked.

 

"Out," Liam said, his face flushed and merry. "We're celebrating. Dinner at the Savoy."

 

"Hi!" Louis squealed and hugged Niall, kissing him on the cheek. "I'm staying at Liam's tonight, so you two have the apartment for yourselves." He winked at Niall. "Have fun!" he said, and climbed into Liam's car.

 

Harry rolled his eyes a bit. "You too," he called after him.

 

Liam gave them a bashful little wave before pulling Louis into a steamy kiss and driving off. Niall laughed softly and went into the house. "Do you want to... do something like that? Maybe get some champagne or something?"

 

Harry smiled and walked in after Niall. "I already got some champagne. I was thinking that maybe we could...talk about us."

 

Niall took a very deep, mindful breath and released it slowly. This was a lot to deal with at once -- Amy dying, Zayn leaving, and now Harry. But it was no one's fault and there was no resisting it, no delaying it. It all just had to be dealt with. "Ok," he said evenly, walking into the living room and making himself comfortable on the sofa.

 

Harry poured them a glass of champagne and made himself comfortable next to Niall, sipping from his glass. "I'm leaving this fall. In what...4 months? I've told you before that you could come with me, remember? That offer still stands. Nothing is holding you here anymore."

 

Niall cleared his throat. "This... This is my home, Harry. I don't want to leave." He had considered making some lie about the business, which, while it meant a lot to him, was only part of the reason he wanted to stay.

 

Harry looked at him, confused and disappointed. "Why?" He asked. "There's nothing left here Niall. Louis is going to leave. Zayn is too." He paused. "Right?"

 

Niall nodded. "Yes. I know. I just... I'm not ready to leave, Harry. I mean, I haven't even buried my sister, yet."

 

"I know, I know. There's still 4 months left. And more. Once I'm all the way there. I'll only be able to make it home twice a year or so. I just want you to think about it."

 

Niall winced and nodded. He reached for his boyfriend and squeezed his hand. "I'm happy for you, Harry... I am."

 

Harry kissed Niall softly. "I love you," he said. "And I'm willing to do anything it takes to make it work."

 

Niall sighed. "I guess I'll have to... get an apartment of my own... I have a feeling Louis and Liam will be shacking up soon, anyway."

 

"Talk to him about it," Harry said and stroked Niall's hair affectionately. "It's going to be alright."

 

Niall nuzzled into his hand. "Zayn's... Zayn's leaving tomorrow. He asked me to go with him."

 

Harry's hand stopped. "Of course he did," he said, not terribly surprised. "You want to?"

 

Niall shook his head. "He needs to go and find himself. I think part of that is being away from me. Besides, I... I know what I want." He looked up at Harry. "It's just Oxford getting in the way, now," he smirked lopsidedly to show he was joking.

 

Harry smiled, pleased with that answer. "We'll have the whole summer break for ourselves. Why don't you choose where we spend it?

 

Niall smiled, then said with childlike shyness and delight, "Hawaii....?"

 

Harry kissed him, because he was so cute. "Hawaii," he said and nodded. "No problem."

 

Niall pushed Harry back into the cushions and crawled on top of him, kissing him sweetly over and over. "Love you, Harry Styles. And if you told me I would have loved you a year ago, I would've told you to get your head checked."

 

Harry grinned and fisted Niall's shirt, pulling him close. "You were so mean back then," he said and added with a smug smirk, "but you secretly wanted me so bad. Everyone does."

 

Niall rolled his eyes. "Oh, lord," he scoffed. "I admit it, I had fantasies about pulling your hair while I fucked you, but that was it. You have these sexy curls..." He pushed between Harry's thighs, his fingers sunk deep into his locks and kissed him hotly.

 

Harry moaned softly into Niall's mouth and locked his thighs around his hips to keep him there. "Of course you did," Harry smirked, running a hand up Niall's back and scratching his skin gently. "I feel like everyone objectifies me. I have feelings. A lot of them."

 

"I know you do, baby," Niall said, stroking his hair off his forehead and kissing down his face. "And I love you for them. I love all of you..." He curled his hips against Harry's and purred, "But I still do fantasize about pulling your hair while fucking you."

 

Harry panted softly and melted into Niall's kisses. "I fantasize about you pulling my hair while you fuck me," he said breathlessly and grinded up against Niall, getting hot all over.

 

"House is ours tonight. How you want to spend it?" Niall gasped into his mouth.

 

Harry grabbed the back of Niall's neck and brought him in for a filthy, wet kiss. "Want you to fuck me on every available surface," he whispered sultrily.

 

"Your wish is my command, beautiful," Niall replied, nuzzling him and pulling him down flat against the sofa.

 

~*~

 

Louis had really outdone himself for Amy's funeral. Not that it was gauche, or over the top; quite the opposite. It was refined, mindful, and intimate. The only people present were Niall, Harry, Zayn, Liam, and the family of Amy's best mates at school, the Sloans. They had offered to hold a reception after Amy was interred, but Niall politely refused, saying he would prefer to be alone. During the entire service, Niall held his boyfriend’s hand and marveled at how he wasn't overwhelmed with the need to cry. It was after he and his friends had carried her coffin to the cemetery, when they were standing next to the moist, open earth that he lost it. He let out a strangled gasp that almost threw the preacher off his text. Zayn was standing across from him and he caught the other boy's eyes as tears streamed down his face.

 

Zayn's instinctive reaction was to reach out and hold him, but Harry was already there. Harry pulled Niall close and held him against him, kissing the crown of his head. Zayn looked away and his gaze fell on Liam and Louis who were standing close, he watched as Louis reached out and took Liam's hand. He immediately turned his gaze and he felt a little lonely, which made him feel incredibly selfish for feeling that at a place like this.

 

Despite Harry's cossetting, for which Niall was very thankful, he kept his eyes on Zayn. His nose and his eyes, even his top lip was bright pink from his tears, but he managed to give Zayn a small, heartfelt smile.

 

Zayn felt Niall's eyes on him and looked back. When Niall smiled at him, he returned it with his own little smile.

 

When it was Niall's turn to speak, his voice was weak and shaky. He clung to Harry's hand and sniffled hard, not wanting snot to run down his nose. "She was my sister," he warbled softly. "And... And we were part of a really, really rough family." His breath hitched and he took a moment to gather himself. "I... For a long time growing up, I wasn't sure what a family was. My d-dad left and my mother was... she could be cruel. There really wasn't anywhere safe or loving -- except with Amy." He went quiet, putting his shirt sleeve up to his eyes for a moment.

 

When he spoke again, he turned to Liam and Louis and the Sloans -- they were the only ones present who hadn't heard any of this before. "Before she got sick, she would... She came up with this thing, see. She would take a sheet and drape it from her bookshelf to the end of her bed and she called it her love tent." He blushed a bit and shrugged. "We were young. What she meant was, if I ever needed anything, if my mom was... had gone off her meds or if I was just sad, I could go in the tent and we would just..." he shrugged, "hold each other. We would hide in there some times and it really felt... It felt like we would be alright, in there. And then, she got sick. And the tent was gone. But I never doubted for a second that Amy was... It's just -- Even now, that tent isn't gone. There's a safe and loving spot in my mind, in my heart and that's what... That's always going to be there. That's what Amy gave me, what Amy taught me; what Amy will always be to me -- she was the purity of family, of love, of what two people can share together, I guess." He got bashful then, and dropped his face, which was covered in snot and tears.

 

That got Zayn teary-eyed and he looked away, wiping away a single way-ward tear.

 

Harry stroked down Niall's back and he could feel Niall's pain rolling off of him as it was a physical thing and he wished he could do something to take it all away.

 

The preacher looked out at everyone after Niall had spoken. Mr. Sloan put his hand on Niall's shoulder and gave him a squeeze, which Niall appreciated very much -- it was such a fatherly gesture. "Would anyone else like to say a few words?" the preacher asked.

 

Harry would've liked to say something, but he had barely known the girl for a day.

 

Zayn hated speaking in public, but he felt like he owed this to Amy. He took a deep breath and stepped forward, raising a hand. "Um, I'd like to say something."

 

The preacher nodded and gestured for him to go on. Zayn looked around at everyone who were looking back at him. He cleared his throat, "Um...I've known Amy since she was like a little toddler. Amy was and had always been one of the kindest people I've ever known. With a remarkable spirit and a wise soul. She was smart, so smart for her age. She once told me, not so long ago, that I shouldn't live a life scripted by other's fears and expectations. She told me I should live for myself and do what I wanted. At the time, I didn't listen and just told her it was more complicated than that. Now, I know she was right." Zayn paused for a few moments. "She was like a little sister to me," he said, voice rough with tears, "and she helped me see the truth in the eye even though it scared me." He looked at Niall briefly before taking a deep breath. "I am forever grateful for that. I loved her and I'll always remember her. May she rest in peace."

 

That made Niall cry harder than his own speech. Amy's school friend Vy came forward and gave a few clumsy, but tenderly sincere words; she considered Amy her best friend, was there when she needed her, and understood her obsession over One Tree Hill. Niall was grateful to her for making him smile. After a few final words, the preacher closed the ceremony and Niall dropped the first handful of dirt down into the grave.

 

Harry was glued to Niall's side and as much as it bugged Zayn, it also comforted him somewhat. At least, Niall would have someone to take care of him once he left.

 

Niall stayed until the grave was full. He was grateful that Harry stayed beside him. The Sloans were the first to leave, with hugs all around and Niall thanked them. Louis and Liam left next with promises of lots of food when he returned home. "Will you give me a moment?" Niall asked Harry softly, indicating that he needed to go speak to Zayn.

 

Harry glanced at Zayn and nodded. "I'll be in the car." He kissed Niall's temple before walking away.

 

Niall approached Zayn carefully. "Thank you... for what you said. It was really lovely."

 

Zayn glanced at the grave and looked back at Niall. "The least I could do," he said with a small shrug.

 

There wasn't much left to say. In fact, there wasn't anything left to say that hadn't been said, so Niall just opened his arms and held his best friend in all the world tight against him and squeezed until his arms felt weak.

 

Zayn squeezed him back and held him for as long as he could get away with. "I love you. Take care of yourself."

 

"Love you, too, Zayn -- forever..." He gave Zayn a gentle poke in the hip, right on his tattoo.

 

Zayn smiled and pulled back from the hug. He grabbed Niall by the back of the neck and looked him in the eye, smiling softly. "I'll see around, Niall Horan."

 

"I'll keep the light on for you, Zayn Malik," Niall winked at him. And in that instant, walking away was suddenly easy. He had always assumed it would be impossible, but he finally saw that Zayn had to live the adventure of his own life. He saw Harry in the car, waiting for him. He slipped into the passenger seat and took hold of his lapel, pulling him close for a sweet, steamy kiss. "Love you, gorgeous," he said softly.

 

Harry kissed him back, smiling, "Love you too beautiful. Ready to go?"

 

Niall nodded, tucking himself into Harry's shoulder and not looking back.

 

~*~

 

Zayn had packed what little he owned the night before. And as he was sitting in the living room with his bag by his feet, waiting for Caleb to come home, he realized that he should've told Caleb he was leaving weeks before or at least days before, instead of springing it on him like this. But there was no going back now. The front door opened and Zayn sat up straighter.

 

"Hi!" Caleb said brightly as he swept in, throwing his carrier bag to the floor. "Guess what Jordan did today, you'll ne--" He stopped in his tracks when he saw Zayn there with his bags. "Your parents took you back?" he asked, breathless with hope.

 

Zayn shook his head. "No..um.." He wringed his fingers and got to his feet. "I'm leaving town," he blurted. He sighed inwardly, he'd planned a whole speech but it was all gone now.

 

"Oh... Right... now?" They had talked about this before, but Caleb never thought it would be so soon. "I mean, I was just--" he laughed at himself, "I was going to get a warmer comforter since you seem to get so cold at night..."

 

"I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner but I couldn't find the right time," Zayn looked sheepishly down at his feet before lifting his gaze. "I just...I'm really fucking grateful for everything you've done for me. I could never repay you. Thank you."

 

"Oh. You've been planning to leave for a while then?" Caleb came into the room and stood in front of Zayn, his head bowed.

 

Zayn nodded guiltily. "Yeah. For a long while. This is shitty kind of way to leave. I'm sorry. But I have to go."

 

"Did I do something wrong?" Caleb asked, knowing he was neurotic to do so.

 

"No! No!" Zayn said quickly and moved forward, grabbing Caleb's shoulders. "Fuck no. You're amazing. In every single way. Seriously. I still don't get how you're single. As soon as I'm gone, promise me you'll get out there and find someone worth your time."

 

Caleb laughed softly and put his hands on Zayn's hips. "Then... Why are you leaving?"

 

"It’s nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I just need to figure myself out."

 

Caleb nodded for what seemed like a full half a minute. "Ok," he said. Then he smiled, "Ok. You know what you need. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call me. You have my number."

 

Zayn smiled.. "Thank you," he said softly. "You're fucking awesome. Ok? You need to know that."

 

"Thanks!" Caleb threw his head back and laughed. "You're fucking awesome, too!”

 

Zayn smirked and playfully punched his shoulder. "Don't make me blush."

 

Caleb grabbed him up in his arms, indulging in a long, snug hug. When he pulled away with a soft sigh, he said, "I'm going to miss you."

 

Zayn grabbed his bag and smiled at Caleb. "I'm gonna miss you too, Caleb. Maybe I'll see you again. Take care till then, yeah?"

 

Caleb nodded. "I will -- you too. For real. And -- good luck." He smiled at him as he watched Zayn put his key on the kitchen counter and disappear through the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to tell y'all this... But there's an epilogue.
> 
> So, don't settle your bets just yet...
> 
> How to reach us:
> 
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> 
> Miraal:  
> Kik: @Miraal07


	37. Epilogue

FIVE YEARS LATER

 

Niall arrived in Vermont, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to go to bed. However, Louis had asked him to join him for dinner and there was no way he could deny that request. He had been in close communication with Louis for the entire four years of school and had leaned on him heavily when he and Harry decided a long distance relationship was going to be too difficult.

 

With a sigh, he got into the shower, knowing he was going to have to see Harry sometime soon and knowing it was possible Harry would be at the dinner tonight. He still didn't know how he felt. He didn't know if he was angry or hurt or confused. He knew that he missed him, but he didn't know if that meant they were supposed to be together. His greatest nightmare, though, was that Harry had found someone else -- that Harry would arrive at this dinner with a beautiful model on his arm and that there would be a huge, flashy diamond on her ring finger. He swallowed down the hurt and, as he had done a thousand times before, wished he had a friend to speak with about it.

 

Niall tried to look his best. The last thing he wanted was for the cloud of his own romantic life hanging over him, souring Louis' special day. He would be cheerful and carefree, he determined, no matter who was there or what the situation was. He arrived at the beautiful restaurant on the hill and handed his keys to the valet. He had a bit of money, now, since he'd been really able to make something with his greenhouse. He walked inside and his eyes were instantly drawn to the corner where his dearest friend was sitting, his instincts able to find him in any situation. "Louis!" he barked, far too loud for a respectable restaurant.

 

"Niall!!" Louis shouted bark and held his arms open for his friend, engulfing him in a tight hug. "I missed you!" He pulled away to look over him, "You look great!"

 

"Thanks," Niall said and upon looking at him, his heart recalled just how dear this boy was to him and how much he missed him. "So do you -- you look perfect."

 

Liam rose and extended a hand which Niall graciously took. "Hey," he said.

 

"Hello," Liam replied with a kind smile. "It's good to see you again."

 

"You, too." And Niall surprised himself to realize it was.

 

Louis was still beaming as he pulled Niall down on a chair. "Let me order you a drink!" He summoned the waiter before turning his full attention back on Niall. "It's so good to see you, seriously. How are you? What have you been up to?"

 

"Well, you know," Niall laughed softly. "Business and all that. I, uh… I just bought a house. Well, I mean, a few months back, I bought it. With spare bedrooms, in case… Y’know, in case I can pay forward what you did to me, or something…" He smiled at both of them. "It's so good to see you, I can't even...." He sputtered out. "Oh and, hey! Congratulations and all that!"

 

Louis took Liam's hand and smiled at him lovingly. "Thank you," he said, grinning. "So, what about you? Anyone special in your life?" He asked it somewhat cautiously.

 

"Well... No, actually," Niall said, fiddling with the utensils on the table to distract himself. "I'm just.. focusing on work. Gone on a few dates, but nothing's really... clicked." He shrugged half apologetically. "I'm guessing... you invited Harry here tonight?"

 

Before Louis could answer, he caught sight of the new arrival. "Speak of the devil!" he said as he watched Harry stroll in, tall, long hair slicked back and handsome as hell. "Haz! Haz! Over here!" Louis called, waving excitedly.

 

Niall looked and shouldn't have been as shocked as he was by how Harry's beauty struck him. He sucked in a breath and looked away to compose himself. As he did so, he locked eyes with Liam, who gave him a sympathetic, almost apologetic look. "It'll be alright," Liam said quietly to him. Niall nodded and girded his loins, before rising with Liam to face his ex. The smile he put on might have looked guarded, but it was well-intended.

 

Niall didn't look much different than how Harry remembered him and he resolutely swallowed back all the old feelings threatening to choke him. He put on his best smile, dimples and all. "Hey!" he said and caught Louis who jumped at him in a tight hug.

 

"Harold! Fuck! I've missed you! Have you gotten even taller?"

 

"No, you've just gotten shorter," Harry teased. He nodded at Liam and Niall. "Hey, Payne, Niall." And he realized it'd been so long since he'd said his name out loud.

 

There was an awkward moment in which Niall didn't know whether to go in for a hug or a handshake. He decided on the handshake and he jutted his hand forward. "Hi, Harry. It's good to see you." Even better, it was good to see him without a date.

 

Harry took his hand somewhat awkwardly, shaking it once. "You too," he said sincerely. He sat down by the table and looked at Louis and Liam. "Congrats to you two. Now you're every bit clichéd as every romance movie."

 

Louis rolled his eyes hard. "Thanks, idiot."

 

Liam slung his arm over Louis' shoulders as they sat and eyed his lover's two best friends. He couldn't help it -- he still hated Harry, but it had faded considerably once Louis agreed to be his. "You back from England, Harry? For good?”

 

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I am," he said. "England was lovely but I definitely missed home."

 

"Going back to Jersey?" Liam asked. "Y'know, Niall bought a house there," he said, pointing to the boy with his wine glass

 

Harry slowly turned to look at Niall, before he looked away, afraid to stare. "No," he said. "I got a job in New York."

 

"Good for you," Niall said automatically. Although his mother had fought for it in court, Niall was pleased that Harry didn't gain ownership of Ray's company. There was something about it that felt dirty, as if Ray's perversion had seeped into his work as well. But Niall blushed at his outburst and cleared his throat.

 

"Well, New Jersey and New York aren't far at all," Liam pointed out, having been so brainwashed by his boyfriend's thinking that Harry and Niall should get back together that he was unaware of being somewhat inappropriate.

 

Harry cleared his throat. "I think everyone is well aware of that," he said, rather sharply.

 

There was an awkward, uncomfortable silence that Louis tried to break. "So! Any of you heard from Zayn?"

 

Niall cleared his throat again and cast a glance at Liam. When it was apparent that Niall wasn't going to say anything, Liam said softly, "We've been looking... Haven't been able to find anything. We sent out a lot of invitations to a lot of different places, but we never heard anything back. I don't think he's coming."

 

Niall's eyes suddenly felt extremely heavy and he couldn't lift them from the table.

 

There was silence for a few moments before Harry said, "What does that mean? Is he..." He trailed off, realizing that probably wasn't something he should say in the presence of Niall.

 

"I'm sure he's alright," Louis said. "He's probably somewhere having the time of his life."

 

"I've been in touch with Caleb -- Zayn sends him a few postcards. They just don't have specific return addresses and he doesn't tell Caleb much when they talk on the phone." Niall fiddled with his napkin before he said, "He stopped calling me about a year after he left..." That had nearly killed him.

 

Harry remembered how gutted that had made Niall feel. "He's alright," he said before he could stop himself and stopped himself from putting a comforting hand over Niall's. "I'm sure he's alright. He can take care of himself."

 

Liam changed the topic by asking Louis if he had the seating arrangements exactly how he wanted them. Of course he had known every detail of Louis' seating arrangements, but he knew that by simply dangling the conversation topic out there, Louis would pounce on it and run. He just wanted to save the ex lovers the lingering embarrassment and give them a Louis-show to focus on.

 

Louis did put on a show that was attention-grabbing and entertaining enough that Harry almost forgot about all the past and heartbreak lingering between him and Niall. Louis could talk like a water-fall, but it wasn't long before Harry got bored by hearing every little detail of their wedding. In truth, he was a bit irritated that Louis and Liam were the only ones that were getting their happily ever after. It wasn't fair, he knew, but he was still annoyed. So when the food arrived, he blocked Louis' chatter out.

 

Niall got rather swept up in it. He'd heard the story of how Liam had proposed a thousand times, but it never really bored him. When he got to the part where Liam almost fumbled the ring and lost it in the koi pond they were sitting next to, everyone laughed except for Harry. Niall, functioning out of a pattern that should have expired four years previously, nudged Harry in the ribs and said, "C'mon, don't be a stick." It was such an intimate, familiar old gesture that as soon as he had done it, everyone at the table stared at him and he felt himself choke on embarrassment. "Sorry," he wheezed out.

 

Harry froze at the contact and didn't move for a solid half minute. He cleared his throat. "No, it's alright," he said softly and flashed Niall a quick smile. He felt awkward and it seeped into the air between them.

 

Niall wanted to cease to be. "Excuse me," he said, slipping out from behind the table and heading out of the front of the restaurant. He wasn't going to ditch, he just needed the cold air on his face to cool the burning. Back at the table, Liam looked at Harry and said, "So, it's still... Looks like it's still tense between the two of you. I'm sorry, we thought everything would be alright..."

 

A part of Harry wanted to tell Liam to go fuck himself, but he figured there was no need to make this worse than it already was. Harry just shrugged and glanced at where Niall had disappeared.

 

"Well, do you want to get back with him?" Louis asked a little too eagerly and Harry gave him a look. "If you even attempt to stick your nose where it doesn't belong I will personally make your big day your worst nightmare." Louis gasped with a hand over his chest rather dramatically.

 

This was why Liam hated Harry. "We're not going to do anything, I promise. I'm sure you're both perfectly happy."

 

Harry was so dangerously tempting to be a down-right asshole and barely controlled himself. "Yeah," he said curtly. He was fine. He missed Niall. A part of him would always love him, but he had learned to live without him; a thing that'd seemed impossible in the beginning.

 

They sat over their food a while longer, then Liam turned to Louis. "He's been out there a while," he said.

 

Louis just looked pointedly at Harry who managed to ignore him for a few seconds, before he sighed hard. "Fine," he muttered and rose to his feet, going after Niall.

 

Liam looked at Louis, alarmed. "Was that the right thing to do?"

 

"Of course it was!" Louis said. "They'll be back together by the end of the week."

 

Liam gave him a skeptical look. "We'll see."

 

Outside, when Harry came across Niall, he was leaning against a small stone wall to the side of the restaurant, looking at his phone.

 

If it was old times, Harry would sneak up to him and startle him, because Niall made these girlish squeaks that amused Harry to no end. But those times were gone, so he just approached him slowly. "Hey."

 

Niall wasn't ready for this. He rose, stuffing the phone awkwardly in his pocket. "Oh. Hey, Harry. Have I been gone too long?"

 

"Yeah," Harry said and smiled a bit. "They told me to get you." He wasn't sure why he felt the need to say that, maybe just to express that he was just as not ready for this as Niall was.

 

Niall nodded. "Hey, I'm sorry, I -- I didn't mean to make you awkward back there. I mean, I feel like I shouldn't have come. Louis was more your friend than mine; I don't want everyone to be awkward."

 

Harry shook his head. "He's as much a friend to you as he is to me," he said. "And we'd have to do this at some point. So we might as well get used to it."

 

"Yeah," Niall cleared his throat. "I also... I feel I wasn't fair to you when we broke up. I made some accusations that were... They were just because I was insecure. I mean, I didn't know if you were seeing... or ... sleeping with other people, and I feel bad for... y'know.. implying that you were. I've wanted to say that to you for a while now."

 

Harry smiled a bit. "I wasn't particularly nice about it either," he said. He'd made his fair accusations as well, and not just when they broke up but throughout their relationship; which might have been one of many reasons they broke apart. "But it's in the past and I'm not holding a grudge against you."

 

Niall nodded. "I really haven't seen Zayn," he said, since they were clearing the air. "Since Amy's funeral. That's the last time I saw him face to face. It's true what I said, we only talked on the phone, but then he stopped returning my calls."

 

For once, Harry believed him. "I'm really sorry about that," he said sincerely, because he knew how much it tore at Niall. "And I don't mind if you saw him and y'know...ok, that's a lie, I would mind but I'd deal with it. It's your life."

 

Niall chewed on his lower lip. "Well, I didn't. So it doesn't matter, now, because I didn't, I haven't seen him in years." He sighed somewhat sharply. "And ... What about you? You... see anybody?"

 

"No," Harry said simply. He wasn't seeing anyone the way he had Niall at least. He had a few friends scattered around but he wasn't 'seeing them'. Not like that. "Are you?”

 

"No." He cleared his throat. "I had a few dates here and there. I dated a guy for about three months, it just..." He shrugged. "I hope I didn't put you off relationships entirely. I know it's not your style." He tried to make it a joke.

 

It wasn't his style, which was probably he didn't even bother to find a steady relationship. "I think you were my exception," he said. And the only one so far. He'd had a string of lovers after Niall but the second they became attached and clingy, he dropped them.

 

Niall gave a soft laugh. "Yeah, I... That's not surprising." He didn't want to sound like a dick, though, so he stuttered, "I mean, not that... Y'know. It's just kind of how you are."

 

Harry smirked a bit and shrugged. "I guess," he said. And it didn't bother him for now at least. Maybe somewhere down the road, he'd give a relationship another shot, but for now, there was absolutely no reason to restrict himself.

 

"I guess we should go back in now or they'll make fun of us."

 

Harry nodded. "But...I'm really happy to see you again," he said and flashed Niall a smile before he walked back inside.

 

He watched Harry walk off for a moment, feeling how this conversation lifted a tiny bit of the weight that had been weighing him down for the past few years. He actually laughed softly before following him back inside, ready to hear more of Louis' prattling.

 

~*~

 

It was by pure luck that Zayn even heard about the wedding from a somewhat friend he'd stayed with, who'd called him weeks after receiving it. And Zayn hadn't been sure if he wanted to show up or not. He decided it the last minute, because he'd missed Liam. And more than anything, he'd missed Niall, who he knew would be there. He did everything he could to make it in time, but public transportation is a pain in the ass. He slipped into the back of the church, his suit slightly ruffled and hair windblown, panting lightly just as the ceremony ended. He stretched his neck to get a glimpse of Liam and Louis, who both looked happier than he'd ever seen them. It made him smile.

 

"I pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss each other," the pastor exclaimed and the whole church cheered as Louis and Liam kissed. Niall was clapping hard enough to rattle his bones and he wasn't ashamed for anyone to see that he was crying.

 

Zayn clapped as well, not as energetically as everyone else, but just as sincere. He was happy that it'd worked out for those two and his eyes searched the mass for a blonde head but it was impossible to find anyone in this filled room.

 

Niall looked up and caught Harry's eye. He gave him a bittersweet smile. Liam and Louis broke their embrace and went charging down the aisle, so happy, they were both flushed pink. It gave Niall the opportunity to wipe his eyes and when he followed the pair as they swept from the church, he saw a familiar dollop of sleek black hair just inside the door. "Zayn," he barely breathed. Frantic, he pushed into the aisle where the other wedding members were already filing out after the couple.

 

Zayn was in no rush and decided to wait for everyone to walk out first. That's when he caught sight of someone charging right at him and he looked up, eyes widening. "Niall?"

 

"Zayn!" Niall said, louder this time, his charge coming to a halt directly in front of him. "Zayn," he said again, his eyes searching every corner of the other boy's face to see how he'd change, to recall how beautiful he was. "Hi. I didn't think -- hi. Hi."

 

Zayn stared at Niall, gaze sliding up and down. "Fuck," he breathed, face splitting into a grin. "Niall. Fuck, you've grown up!" He couldn't help but reach out and touch Niall, hands running along his shoulders that were wider, down his arms. He breathed out slowly. "I missed you."

 

"I haven't," Niall laughed, "I look the same, you goofball..." But he reached out and cradled Zayn's face all the same and when his hands came into contact with his skin, it transported him to a place that was warm and safe and magnificent. "I can't believe you're here. I can't believe you're actually here."

 

Harry saw them on his way out and he stopped for a second to stare. Then he ducked his head and hurried out. He didn't need nor wanted to see this.

 

Zayn grinned and put his hand over Niall's, "Maybe I'm just a figment of your imagination and I'll be gone if you blink."

 

"Don't say that, I'll stare til my eyes fall out. Where have you been? What have you been doing? Why did you stop returning my calls?”

 

"That's an awful lot of questions," Zayn said with a soft laugh. "I'll tell you everything. Don't worry. Damn, I have so much to tell you. So much I've wanted to tell you."

 

Niall laughed in relief, unable to believe this. "I never thought I would see you again, Zayn, this is-- This is... Oh, my god!" He flung himself on his friend, then, and squeezed him til he ached. "I have so much to tell you, too. Promise me you won't leave until we've said everything."

 

Zayn squeezed Niall back. "I won't leave. Promise." Seeing Niall again, holding him tight all felt so right. The church was empty by now and Zayn pulled back to look at Niall. "This is kind of unreal. I'm so damn happy to be able to talk to you right now."

 

"You could have called me at any second. I would have been ecstatic to hear from you. Why did you never call?"

 

Zayn looked sheepish. "Um. Well. I was going through some stuff -- it's a long story."

 

Niall looked at him skeptically. "Alright... But I want to hear all about it." He took Zayn's hand, like when they were children. "You're coming to the reception, yeah?"

 

"Of course. I haven’t talked to Liam, yet," he said. "Y'know, when I first heard about the wedding, I thought it was you and Harry."

 

"Huh-Whaaaa?" Niall laughed. "Really?"

 

Zayn nodded. "Yup. A friend I'd stayed with got the invitation weeks after I had left and she called me. When she told me it was a wedding invitation, I seriously thought it was you and Harry. I remember looking at my cigarette and thinking that if I had that invitation in my hands, I'd burn it."

 

"Why?" Niall asked, as he walked hand in hand with Zayn out of the church. The reception hall was a good mile away, but Niall felt like their time would be best spent walking.

 

Zayn swung their hands between them, playfully. "Isn't it obvious?" He said and took a deep breath of the summer air. "I never stopped thinking about you. A lot. Everywhere I went and everything I saw, I'd wonder what you might say and think about it. Sometimes I missed you so bad that I nearly jumped into my car and drove back."

 

"We still could have been friends, even if I'd married Harry," Niall laughed, feeling young and free.

 

"Yeah?" Zayn cocked a brow. "You and him next on the list?"

 

"Oh. No. We actually broke up about a year after Harry went to college. It was just too hard and we had some serious trust issues. It got kind of ugly and... to be honest, I really regret it."

 

Zayn stopped up and looked at Niall. "Oh," he said. "That's, uhm, that sucks. You regret breaking up with him?"

 

Niall had to stop when Zayn stopped and he turned to look at him. "Um... I don't -- I don't know, really. I -- no. I mean, there was just no possible way we could have stayed together in that situation, but I really, really regret the way I went about it. The things I said." He gave Zayn a gentle tug to get him moving again. "I got to apologize a little bit last night, which sort of felt like a step in the right direction. But... I mean, enough about me. I'm boring. Tell me about you. You never tell me anything about you."

 

"Me?" Zayn stared up at the bright blue sky. "There's not much to say about me. I went away and tried to live with no regrets, ended up with heaps of them. Got knocked down plenty of times, but still managed to get up somehow. It was a real roller coaster and nothing was ever constant. Except my desire to do this once I saw you again." Zayn tugged Niall close and kissed him on the lips.

 

Harry was right when he accused Niall of still bearing a torch for Zayn. But Niall had never tried to deny it. "Oh..." he gasped softly when Zayn released his lips. "I'm... Zayn, this is a bit—I mean---." But he didn't back away from Zayn's embrace or lift his forehead from where it was resting against his friend's.

 

"I'm coming on too strong, aren’t I?" Zayn said, scrunching his nose a bit. "Sorry. I got excited." He felt a bit embarrassed and pulled away.

 

Niall shook his head. "No. It's -- I'm just... Zayn, it's like you've come back from the dead. I want to know where you've been, I want to know who you've met, I want to know what.... I feel like I'm meeting someone new. It's been so long, Zayn."

 

"I'm still me. I know I've been gone for a long time, but not much has really changed. But I promise, I'll tell you everything you want to know."

 

"Then start with the day you left," Niall said bluntly.

 

"That’s so long ago," Zayn said even though he remembered everything in crystal clear detail. "There's nothing exciting to tell. I got in my car and drove out west. Slept in my car or in dingy motel rooms. Met all kind of people on the way. Spent the first couple of months in a little beach town in Cali, spending most of my time working in a café and on the beach till I turned a dark bronze." He was leaving out a whole lot of details, but it'd take a very long time to tell every single one.

 

"You must have been beautiful," Niall smiled, imagining Zayn being a beach bum, all muscles and shell necklaces.

 

Zayn laughed softly. "It got old really fast though. Everything would get old really fast and I'd feel this restlessness in my bones and I'd pack up and go. I loved that actually. How easy it was to pack up and leave everything behind and start over again."

 

"So what did you do after the west coast?" Niall asked, the immediately interrupted any response with, "You got the money, though, right? In the bank account we set up?"

 

Zayn nodded. "Mm. I did, thanks."

 

Niall smiled. "Good. Good. Every day I went to the bank it was... It was sort of tense. I was afraid they were going to say something like 'no one ever takes money out of here' or 'this bank account was dissolved on the death of the owner' or something." He snorted at himself and squeezed Zayn's hand. "Stupid, I know. Hey, did you ever hear from your family?" He had so many questions knocking around in his brain it was almost unbearable.

 

"I did," Zayn said, smiling. "Months after I left my mom called me. She just wanted to know that I was alright and she said that I could come back whenever I wanted. Said that my father was alright with it as long as I left that 'sinful lifestyle' behind or something. I came back and visited them over the summer. You were out of town with Harry at that point."

 

"Oh," Niall said softly. "You never even told me. Why were you so secretive with me?"

 

"There was no point in telling you. And come on, Ni, I was never 'secretive'."

 

"You never told me anything," Niall complained softly.

 

Zayn squeezed Niall's hand. "I'll make it up to you," he promised. "What would you like to know?"

 

Niall stopped and looked at the banquet hall they were about to enter for the reception. "I guess what I really want to know is what are you planning to do now?"

 

Zayn seemed to think about it for a moment. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I haven't had a plan for a while now. I just take it day by day and it's worked out so far."

 

"Did you have a plan when you came here?" Niall probed.

 

"Other than seeing you and Liam? No. Not really."

 

Niall looked down at their joined hands. “If you stuck around a while… I’d really like that.”

 

“Yeah,” Zayn replied quietly, “I’d like that, too.”

 

Niall's eyes were shifting between his bright, beautiful smile and the light in his eyes. "Ok," he said, feeling as if that horrible loneliness that had been torturing him for the last few years might finally be at an end. "Shall we go in? Say hi to Liam?"

 

"Yeah. Let's." Zayn strode into the hall and scanned the masses for Liam. He found him chatting with a few people and walked towards him. When Liam caught sight of him, Zayn waved with a small smile.

 

Liam let out a roar that made the whole place go quiet for a second to make sure a bear had not entered their midst. Then Liam charged him and swept him into his arms, carrying him around a quarter of the room. "ZAYN!"

 

Zayn laughed surprised and hugged Liam tight. "Hey!" He said, grinning and pulled back to look at Liam's face. As handsome as he remembered him. "It's been so fucking long!"

 

Liam finally dropped him from his arms and laughed. "I thought I would never see you again! This is amazing! Louis! Honey! Look who it is!"

 

Niall sat back and watched Liam explode over his friend rediscovered. He looked around and saw Harry leaning against the bar by himself with a rather wan expression.

 

Louis glanced at Harry and sighed deeply. He was glad Zayn was alright, but he had a feeling the chance of Harry and Niall getting back together had diminished considerably. He plastered on a smile and walked up to Liam and Zayn. They politely greeted each other and thanked Zayn when he congratulated them

 

Niall felt compelled to approach Harry while the dust up of Zayn’s entrance had yet to settle. "Hey," he said quietly.

 

Harry glanced at him briefly. "Hey."

 

"Having fun?" he asked, lamely.

 

Harry scoffed a bit. "Weddings have never been my thing," he muttered.

 

"I know," Niall said, knowing anything pertaining to commitment was not Harry's thing. "I don't suppose you'll ever make your way up to New Jersey again, huh? Done with that town?" He missed his old friend and had a feeling Harry might have been without companions, as well.

 

"Probably not," he said. He felt like he was done with that town and he just wanted it and all its memories to fade into nothing. He took a long swig of his drink. He nodded toward Zayn, "So. He's back."

 

"Yeah," Niall said, sighing when he felt Harry go stony cold. "Liam looks happy." Indeed, the groom seemed unable to unlink his arm from around Zayn's neck and was dragging him everywhere like a child with a new toy.

 

Harry watched them as well. Zayn seemed to have gotten considerably better-looking than last time. "If things were different, in an alternative universe or something, I totally wouldn't mind fucking him. He's hot." Harry was a bit disturbed that he'd said that out loud. Had he had a little too much to drink?

 

That actually made Niall laugh. "Harry, you fuck everything, that shouldn't surprise you."

 

Harry smirked. "There's nothing wrong with that," he said and poured himself another drink.

 

"No..." Niall said softly. "No, I guess not..." he cleared his throat. "I guess I should leave you to it. Don't want to scare away the... hot ladies-- or whatever you're into these days."

 

Harry rolled his eyes hard. "Yeah. Go have your own fun," he said with a wry smile and made a shooing motion.

 

Niall backed off. He hadn't expected such... sticky, unpleasant coldness from Harry. He found a glass of champagne and watched as Zayn made several failed attempts to free himself from Liam's grip. It made him laugh a little bit and he snuck up behind Louis and kissed the shell of his ear.

 

Louis spun around and smiled. "Hi there!" He said and slung an arm around Niall's shoulder pulling him close. "Zayn is alive and all is well in the world, yeah?"

 

Niall nodded. "Yeah... Yeah... I'm thrown, Lou," he laughed. "I don't know what to do. I'm thrown. But congratulations!!" He wrapped his arm around Louis' middle and smooched him hard on the cheek.

 

Louis giggled and poked Niall's nose. "Thank you, baby," he said and squeezed Niall. "Just do what you want to. Follow your little heart."

 

And that was fond advice. Niall had a few more glasses of champagne and even found himself on the dance floor. He wasn't sure how long he'd been there, just that he'd danced with at least three women, then with Louis twice, then with a group of people, then with a woman he believed to be Louis' grandmother. Then he had some more champagne.

 

~*~

 

Later, Niall stood on the sidewalk, watching Liam and Louis' limousine as it rolled down the street, 'Just Married' soaped on the back window and twinkly fairy lights around the car. It was way too damn late and Niall was drunk and stumbling slightly, but he still didn't want to go home.

 

Zayn snuck up behind Niall and watched the limo disappear down the street . "Hey."

 

Niall spun and his smile upon seeing his friend was rather dopey. "Hey... I never thought Liam would let you go -- I thought you were honeymoon bound," he laughed.

 

Zayn snorted. "No. I don’t think Louis would’ve stood for that. "

 

"He's just super fond of you -- Liam." He gave his friend a brotherly smack on the arm. "You're likeable. So," he said, changing the subject, "Where you staying?"

 

Zayn stretched his arms over his head. "I have no idea yet," he said and fished his cigarettes out of his pocket offering Niall one. "Are you still staying at Louis’?"

 

Niall laughed softly, taking the cigarette and putting it between his lips. As he waited patiently for Zayn to produce a lighter, he said, "No, not for years. I stayed in the greenhouse for a while -- it's beautiful, you have to come see it -- but I did just buy a house. Three bedrooms... It's really nice." He looked around to see who else was standing with them on the street.

 

"Really?" Zayn asked surprised and peered at Niall over the flame of his lighter. "A whole house? All for yourself? Or is there someone else you haven't told me about yet?"

 

Niall smirked at his shoes. "No. Dating hasn't been.... Anyway..." He shrugged. "You can stay with me. If you want. Til you find.. y'know, where you want to go."

 

Zayn nodded and took a drag of the cigarette. "Thanks," he said. "I'll do that."

 

Niall tried to not appear as pleased as he was and he hopped on his toes a little bit. When he looked up, he saw Harry and immediately sobered a little. "Um," he said, "I'm just going to go say goodbye to him. Then we can go." It was a chapter in his life he wanted a clean ending with. He wanted to look Harry in the eye and part with a mutual respect. When he approached, instead of saying anything, he just reached out and offered Harry a drag off his cigarette.

 

Harry stared at the cigarette for a moment before he took it and inhaled the smoke. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, letting the smoke escape. "You going home?" he asked and gave the cigarette back.

 

"Yeah. You?" Niall asked.

 

Harry nodded. "Yeah."

 

Niall took another drag off the cigarette, then offered it to Harry again. "It was good to see you," he said, sincerely.

 

Harry took the offered cigarette. "You too," he said quietly. "I know things didn't end pretty between us, but I still care about you. I hope you find happiness. Even if it's not with me."

 

That warmed Niall all the way down to his toes and he felt the muscles in his face relax. "You, too, Harry," he said from the heart. "You're a pretty terrific dude. If you're ever in Jersey... Look me up, ok?"

 

Harry smiled. "Maybe I will," he said and handed the cigarette back. "Drop by if you're ever in New York."

 

"Keep it," Niall nodded at the fag, "and I will. Bye, Harry." He extended a hand.

 

Harry looked at Niall's extended hand and rolled his eyes, "Come on now," he said and grabbed Niall's hand to pull him into a tight hug. "Take care of yourself."

 

Niall squeezed him back, feeling his skinny, slinky body in his arms and remembering all the good times. He would miss Harry, he missed him right now, but he could feel the space between them.

 

Harry indulged in a few more moments of being this close to Niall, before he forced himself to pull back. He smiled at Niall and patted his cheek gently. "See you, Niall. And I still kind of regret ever meeting you. Even though I wouldn't mind doing it all over again." He gave him a cheeky wink before he turned on his heels and sauntered off.

 

Niall needed a few minutes to come back from that. There was a time in his life where he was convinced he would be marrying that boy and it was hard to let that dream go. Still, it faded before his eyes as did the cigarette smoke and he turned, seeing Zayn there, waiting for him. "Ready to go?"

 

"Always," Zayn said and walked up to him, gently touching a hand between his shoulder blades. "You alright?"

 

"Yeah," Niall said softly, searching his face. "Yeah. It's odd. We've been apart for a few years, at least. Still, it's sort of... shocking to see him."

 

"It seemed to go pretty well. At least you aren't one of those exes that burn each other's houses down," Zayn said with a grin. He ruffled up in Niall's hair. "You'll both be alright."

 

Niall smirked. "Follow me." He lead Zayn to his car, ('My first car, I'm so proud') and drove him through the city ('Remember this place at all?'). He took him to a modestly sized, but very well kept house in a quiet lane and said, "This is it. Me casa."

 

"Nice!" Zayn said and hopped out of the car, looking up at the house. "It looks really nice. So cool that you have your own place,” he said as he followed Niall to the door.

 

"Thanks..." Niall laughed softly. "Bought it all with dirty, dirty money..." He flipped on the lights to reveal a sparsely decorated, but tidy place. "I don't even have anything in the other bedroom, yet. I use the other one as an office." He turned to Zayn, "So... do you have anything? A duffel bag or something we can pick up?"

 

"A bag. But we can pick it up tomorrow," Zayn said and walked around the house, checking out everything curiously. "Sick."

 

Niall was pleased he liked it. "Um... You want to take a shower or something? I have clothes you can... use."

 

"Thanks," Zayn said and ventured upstairs. "Your bedroom up here?"

 

"Yeah... The bedrooms are upstairs," Niall said, following him, feeling something in him relax and let go, just by having Zayn near. "This is mine," he said, opening the door to a spacious bedroom. The king sized bed was unmade, but only one side of it was rumpled. The furniture matched and it looked properly grown up. "You can use my bathroom. It's through here. The shower's nice and big. You can use all the hot water you want."

 

Zayn laid down on the bed and sighed, "So comfortable. Haven't felt that in weeks," he said and stuffed his face in Niall's pillow. "Smells like you." He peeked up at Niall. "How many people have you had in this bed, Niall?"

 

Niall took a deep breath, a thrill running through him. "Um... a few. Not a lot -- never Harry..."

 

Zayn smirked. "Interesting," he said and sat up, running his hand along the soft covers. "You topped?" He cleared his throat, "Sorry. That's none of my business. I'm coming on too strong again."

 

"Umm... I mostly just topped Harry..." Niall said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and coming forward. "It's been a while, though... What about you?"

 

"Me? What about me?" Zayn asked, a bit of teasing in his tone.

 

"Have you had a lot of lovers?" Niall sat next to him on the bed, their knees touching.

 

Zayn pretended to give it some hard thought. "Mmm...I've had some," he said with a light shrug.

 

Niall smirked at his teasing. "Anyone serious?"

 

Zayn shrugged again. "There was a girl once. But she broke my heart pretty bad. I got over it, though."

 

"How bad?" Niall asked.

 

"Bad enough to make me cry," Zayn said and laughed, embarrassed. "You know, I realized that I'm always the one who gets dumped. It's been that ever since Olivia McGowan from 8th grade dumped me after a week."

 

Niall gave him a side-glare that would strip paint. "Oh. I can think of someone you dumped pretty hard."

 

Zayn looked embarrassed. "Ok. Maybe not always. Sorry." He scratched his stubbles sheepishly.

 

"Great," Niall laughed, looking down at his shoes. "So I'm the one person you dumped. I, alone."

 

"To be fair, you did choose Harry over me," Zayn muttered.

 

"Not at first--" But Niall put a hand over his face. "We don't need to rehash this. You're here now." He licked his lips self-consciously. "Want a shower?"

 

"Fuck yeah, " Zayn said more than happy to leave this topic. He got to his feet and threw off his jacket. "Towels in the bathroom?"

 

Niall nodded. "I'll have some sweats for you when you come out..." When Zayn disappeared in the bathroom, Niall closed his eyes for five long minutes. He then found a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and put them at the door. Then, slowly, he began to strip himself bare.

 

Zayn took his sweet time under the warm water. Once done he walked back to the bedroom, all his new tattoos on full display.

 

Niall was in the bed, his eyes closed, as if contemplating deeply. He was naked, but all that could be told was that his chest and shoulders were bare. He looked up and saw Zayn in nothing but a towel and he swallowed. "Beautiful," he said softly. "Can I see?" He reached out, signifying he wanted Zayn to come near.

 

Zayn moved closer, crawling onto the bed, so Niall could see the new ink on his dark skin; the wings on his chest, the ZAP! on his bicep, the ying-yang on his wrist and the heart on his other hip.

 

Niall ran his fingers over Zayn's ink. He sat up on his heels which made the covers fall low, revealing his naked hips, but he didn't seem to notice. "What's this?" he asked, particularly interested in the heart on his hip.

 

"Got it in the heat of the moment. Thought it was cool," Zayn said, distracted by Niall's slim hips. He wanted to reached out and press his fingers into the pale skin and watch it turn red under his touch.

 

"Heat of the moment?" Niall asked. "The girl you loved?"

 

"Maybe," Zayn said vaguely and changed the topic the next second. "I see you haven’t gotten anything new,” he said, letting his fingers trace the one they got together all those years ago.

 

Niall smiled lopsidedly. "Tattoos aren't my thing. They look better on you..." He stroked his thumb over Zayn's forearm tattoo as if hypnotized. "I, um... Remember that one time, it was the first time - when I blew you?"

 

"Hard to forget that," Zayn said, smirking a little. "What about that?"

 

"I... I've been sitting here the whole time you were in the shower trying to decide how to seduce you -- or if I should. I wasn't so good at it back then. I'm afraid I'm not much better, now."

 

Zayn swallowed. He had not expected that. "Yeah?" He licked across his lips. "You could just lean in and kiss me. As easy as that."

 

Niall smiled. "I could? Well, I suppose I could... It just didn't turn out so well last time, either, did it?" He folded his lips on themselves self-consciously. He knew what he wanted -- he wanted Zayn, as he always had. But the man sitting on the bed beside him was someone entirely new to him, that he had never met and he was apprehensive.

 

When Zayn realized that Niall was just going to stare at him, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He leaned in, grabbed the back of Niall's neck and brought him in for a slow, soft kiss.

 

Niall melted a little, cradling Zayn's sharp jawbone in his hand. "I got naked for you," he whispered against his lips when they parted.

 

That made Zayn's blood run faster. "Jesus," he breathed and then he tackled Niall on the bed and crawled on top of him, kissing him harder, his hand roaming down his naked body. "You have no idea how much I've thought about this."

 

Niall hissed through his teeth and took hold of Zayn's frantic hands. "Slow -- slow down," he laughed softly. "I won't disappear..."

 

"No," Zayn said and tugged his hand out of Niall's grip. He moved down, peppering Niall's neck with thick, hungry kisses. "We have other times to slow it down. Right now, I just want you so bad."

 

Niall's heart was pounding and his breath was coming in thick, heady pants. "Zayn..." This was shocking to him. "Why did you never come back?" he asked, flabbergast that if Zayn was this hungry for him, he didn't come take him.

 

"Don't sound so shocked. You weren’t mine to come back to. You didn't choose me." Zayn sucked Niall's nipple, playing with the other until they were both red and hard.

 

Niall whimpered and spread his thighs for Zayn to settle between them. "Is that why you stopped c-calling?" he asked, running his hands through his best friend's hair.

 

Zayn moved on from Niall's nipples. "Yeah," he hummed and nuzzled the crinkly hair that led to Niall's half-hard dick. He took the shaft in his loose fist and stroked it. He kissed the head before he began taking it in his mouth. He'd gotten a lot better at sucking dick. A lot of practice helped.

 

Niall had been in the middle of a dry spell. He hadn't been able to really get his feet under himself since he and Harry split and the casual hookups weren't doing much for him. His toes curled and he arched his back. "Zayn," he gasped, "I'm not going to last long if you keep that up..."

 

Zayn pulled of immediately. "We can't have that," he said, smirking with his shiny lips. "Where's the lube?"

 

Niall collected his wits and fumbled beneath the pillows for a moment. He had found it for this very occasion. The tube was over half-used, but it was the same tube he'd had since Harry.

 

Zayn took the lube and slicked his fingers up. He slid them between Niall's cheeks, rubbing around his clenching hole and worked a finger inside. "Been a while?"

 

Niall chewed his lower lip and mewled, "Mm-hmm," affirmatively. He let his lower lip loose in an open pant and tried to relax, letting his legs fall open and trying not to squeeze so hard around Zayn's fingers. "S'cold..."

 

Zayn worked Niall open until he could push another finger along, feeling Niall give a little more. He kissed him wetly on the mouth, "You're so tight. Can't wait to get inside of you."

 

Niall was fascinated by how ravenous Zayn was. "I must be dreaming," he smiled and gave a soft, shy laugh. "Zayn Malik is hungry for me."

 

Zayn smiled. "I missed you," he blurted, "There were times I'd just wanted to sit down and cry, because I missed you so much." He kissed Niall's lips.

 

Niall nearly sobbed into his mouth. He flung his arms around Zayn's neck and kissed him fiercely. "It was real, then?" he panted against his lips, his hips working onto his hand. "Before you left, you really wanted me -- you didn't just want me to come with you, you wanted me....?"

 

"Is that why you didn't come with me? You didn't believe me, was that it?"

 

Niall winced. "I don't... I didn't know. I really didn't know, Zayn... I just... Harry loved me and I loved him and he... He hadn't broken my heart..." 'like you' was left unsaid but still very present.

 

Zayn sighed. "It doesn't matter now, does it? It so many years ago. What matters is now. At least I don't have to share you now." He pulled his fingers out and lubed his cock, pushing up inside of Niall without warning.

 

Niall's head dropped back against the headboard so hard it rattled against the wall. "Fuck! Ai! Zayn!" he whimpered and folded his arms around his friend, his hole squeezing compulsively around his cock.

 

"Aw, fuck, fuck," Zayn gasped, dropping his head against Niall's shoulder. The grip around his dick was deliciously mind blowing. "Fuck." Zayn stroked down Niall's face and kissed his neck to calm him down. "Relax."

 

Niall took hold of his wrist and swallowed, panting. "Zayn," he whimpered, but felt his body start to give, his hips start to release. "Zayn..." his other hand stroked down his friend's back, up and down as if he was soothing himself. Slowly, he let go and his hips opened and became loose.

 

"There you go," Zayn said once he felt Niall relax around him, giving Zayn enough space to move. He rolled his hips, slowly pushing in and out of Niall. He kissed down Niall's face, kissed his ear and nibbled his earlobe. "Tell me how you'd like it."

 

"Really... Really deep," Niall panted, chasing Zayn's lips until he captured them in his own. Then he shifted a little lower on the bed and kicked his feet up, reaching for his ankles to put him in a 'happy baby'. "Really deep, Zayn..."

 

Zayn gave it to him exactly how it wanted it; he arched his hips and punched as deep into Niall as he could reach. He groaned. "You feel so good babe. Tell me how much you like this."

 

"I love this, I--" He reached for Zayn to pull him closer, to kiss his cheek, his jaw. "I dreamed you'd come back to me... and love me... I didn't dare hope...."

 

Zayn fucked him harder for that. "I'm here now," he panted, sweat dripping from his temple and glistening along his chest.

 

"Stay," Niall choked out when Zayn struck him particularly deep. "Stay with me. Say you will."

 

Zayn kissed Niall, but didn't have the concentration to hold it. "I'll stay," he said. "Promise." Right now, there was nowhere he'd rather be. He finally found Niall's spot and drove into it, so close to the edge.

 

Niall dragged his fingers down Zayn's back, nearly choking on the pleasure. He reached down and after one, two, three tugs, he was coming, his arse clenching, milking Zayn's cock within.

 

Zayn choked and followed right after. He thrusted two more shallow times, before he dug his cock deep into Niall and unloaded inside of him. He gasped, partly collapsing on Niall, partly managing to keep some weight off of him.

 

Niall's legs were shaking, but he managed to keep hold of his knees. "God," he gasped, turning his head to the side and kissing Zayn's temple. "Thank you," he whispered.

 

Zayn smiled and nuzzled Niall's neck. He stayed there until he caught his breath again, then he moved off of Niall, settling down next to him. "That was amazing," he said with a dazed smile.

 

Niall blinked over at him with glassy eyes, then stroked his fingertips gently over his face. "Zayn. My Zayn. You're finally back."

 

Zayn kissed Niall's fingertips when they ghosted over his lips. "It's good to be back," he said. "I missed everything about being this town. You mostly."

 

"Have you been pining for me all this time?" Niall laughed softly.

 

"Possibly," Zayn said, smiling. "I wish you came with me. It would have been a lot of fun."

 

"Think you could... y'know... cool your heels for a little bit? Or is your wanderlust still riding you?"

 

"I need to cool down for a little," Zayn said and traced Niall's tattoo with his fingers. "Everywhere I went never felt like home. I didn't feel any sense of belonging. You feel like home, though."

 

Niall rolled onto his side, tucking himself under Zayn's chin, pressing into him. "Will you stay and be my lover?" he whispered, somewhat fearful of the response.

 

Zayn kissed the top of Niall's head and stroked down his arm. "Yeah. Haven't heard a better offer."

 

Niall's eyes snapped up and he smiled. "Oh, yeah?" he teased, reaching out and poking Zayn's side, right where he knew he was most ticklish.

 

Zayn let out an involuntary giggle and grabbed Niall's hand to stop him. "Oh yeah," he said with a smirk and kissed Niall sweetly.

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many thanks to all of you who hung in there with me through the whole thing, especially Ale and my dear anonymous friend on Tumblr who supported me chapter by chapter.
> 
> I'm writing again. Hope to see you all soon :)
> 
> How to reach us:
> 
> GV:  
> Tumblr: https://gvbutterworth.tumblr.com/
> 
> Miraal:  
> Kik: @Miraal07


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